My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇸🇬
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Victor Wembanyama is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 224 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. The chef's surprise of the evening is Isaak Touré. An association football player by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the winning goal with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. The budget? Astronomical. The owner said "let's go" and signed the check without even looking at the number. We're deep into the luxury tax, every dollar over the threshold costs triple, and the accountant has nightmares every single night. But when you've got two superstars, a fifteen-man roster where the weakest link would start elsewhere, and a coaching staff paid in gold, you don't give a damn about the bill. It's championship or bust, and they've chosen their side.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
89-125 (L)
The game begins and Isaak Touré is ready! You can see ridiculous creativity written all over his face!
This unknown gem Tacko Fall shanks an off-balance shot at half court! That's uncharacteristic!
Isaak Touré coughs it up! An association football player's grip doesn't work on the orange!
Tacko Fall, this little thunder, lets the shooter get free on the low block! Costly lapse!
Isaak Touré mutters to himself walking back! This guy nobody was talking about fighting inner demons!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Victor Wembanyama asks for an ice pack. They say Victor Wembanyama eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
This reliable star Wilt Chamberlain misfires again! Heavy feet could cost the team!
Tacko Fall is gassed! This raw talent bent over at half court! Limited stamina catching up!
This guy nobody was talking about Isaak Touré with turnover number buckets! Defense that's basically a suggestion is piling up!
Victor Wembanyama slams the Spalding in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
Tacko Fall reflects on what could have been. Heavy feet the difference tonight.
Victor Wembanyama rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Wilt Chamberlain picks up his own and folds it carefully. Evening confession: I'm wearing Victor Wembanyama's jersey under my shirt. For morale. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
102-119 (L)
Tacko Fall, this low-to-the-ground speedster, sets the tone immediately! Scary good handles from the jump!
Brick! Wilt Chamberlain misfires from way beyond the arc! Defense that's basically a suggestion at the worst time!
Tacko Fall, this elusive guard, fumbles the entry pass off the pick and roll!
Isaak Touré, this colossus, fouls unnecessarily at the top of the key! Hot head!
Isaak Touré, this oversized freak, takes over from mid-range. A layup! That's elite!
The players head in. Isaak Touré slips on the wet tunnel floor. Rumor has it Isaak Touré does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Wilt Chamberlain fades away the towel! This big-name player showing ego the size of Texas!
Wilt Chamberlain dishes but overcooks it! Ego the size of Texas showing up again!
Wilt Chamberlain, this certified bucket, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Nerves of steel!
This multi-time All-Star Wilt Chamberlain is a warrior but the body says no! The four quarters of war!
This hidden prospect Tacko Fall shakes hands and moves on. In the end, occasional mental lapses proved costly.
Victor Wembanyama slams his fist on the bench. Wilt Chamberlain places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
91-133 (L)
Isaak Touré steps onto the arena! From scoring the winning goal to this, game time!
Victor Wembanyama with a wild attempt! This hooper's hooper not finding the range tonight!
Victor Wembanyama with the lazy pass! Shaky emotions under pressure leading to easy points!
This rising star Tacko Fall bites on the fake! Beaten in transition!
Isaak Touré, this mountain of a man, shows negative body language! Heavy feet creeping in!
Halftime whistle. Godzilla has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Word is Godzilla sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Isaak Touré, this newcomer, comes up empty! A bank shot off target from the left corner!
Isaak Touré asks for the ball to slow the pace! This dude out of nowhere needs air!
Isaak Touré throws it away! A pass worse than an association football player tossing the winning goal!
Wilt Chamberlain, this All-Star caliber talent, yells at the coaching staff! Limited stamina causing friction!
This solid pro Victor Wembanyama congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this solid pro.
Tacko Fall watches the crowd file out in silence. Godzilla prefers not to look. Did you know that Godzilla practices volunteer firefighter on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
97-107 (L)
Tip-off! Tacko Fall gets us started! Let's go!
Wilt Chamberlain blows past the leather into nothing! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display tonight!
Godzilla charges right into the defender! Turnover! Lack of consistency when controlling pace!
This bonafide star Wilt Chamberlain fouls reaching in! Tendency to rush on defense!
Isaak Touré, this beanpole, rises above and hammers a buzzer-beater!
First half is done. Godzilla is chugging Gatorade like it's water. True story: Godzilla had his parking spot stolen by Philadelphia Injury-Report's mascot. Still talks about it. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Godzilla launches angrily after the turnover! This certified bucket spiraling!
Tacko Fall pulls up the rock but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Victor Wembanyama reads the defense perfectly! Next-level basketball IQ and a sky-high basketball IQ!
This dude out of nowhere Isaak Touré stumbles! The fatigue is real after the allotted time!
This unknown gem Tacko Fall leaves the floor with head held high. Fought to the end.
Godzilla taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Tacko Fall walks through the door without pushing it. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
79-124 (L)
Victor Wembanyama, this well-respected player, draws first blood! A pull-up jumper to start!
Isaak Touré with the ugly miss! The association football player touch is absent tonight!
This player making noise Victor Wembanyama loses concentration and the basketball with it!
Victor Wembanyama scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Injury-prone body!
This respected competitor Victor Wembanyama hangs the head after the miss! Deflated from the right corner!
The locker room fills up. Isaak Touré has already eaten three oranges. The staff told me Isaak Touré sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
A layup from Wilt Chamberlain catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Tacko Fall, this hungry young player, sucking wind after that sprint! The contest of battle!
This guy everybody knows Wilt Chamberlain with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
This max-contract guy Wilt Chamberlain fouls hard out of frustration! Hot head showing!
Wilt Chamberlain sits alone on the bench. This bonafide star processing the defeat.
Godzilla walks toward the tunnel without a word. Victor Wembanyama stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
80-125 (L)
Victor Wembanyama drives with energy from the opening whistle! This player making noise locked in!
Wilt Chamberlain air-mails a pull-up jumper at the buzzer! Way off for this established star!
Godzilla throws it into the stands! What was that from this reliable star!
This multi-time All-Star Wilt Chamberlain picks up the cheap foul! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
Tacko Fall explodes and kicks the stanchion! This player nobody saw coming losing composure!
Halftime! Wilt Chamberlain looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Little secret: Wilt Chamberlain listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Victor Wembanyama misses the open look! This seasoned vet can't believe it! Tendency to rush!
Isaak Touré gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like an association football player begging the winning goal for mercy!
Wilt Chamberlain, this big fella, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted off the pick and roll!
This guy everybody knows Godzilla can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Godzilla, this All-Star caliber talent, takes the loss hard. Shaky emotions under pressure at the wrong moments.
Godzilla looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Tacko Fall looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
84-114 (L)
This hooper's hooper Victor Wembanyama catches the damn ball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Wilt Chamberlain can't buy a bucket! Another miss from way beyond the arc! Frustrating!
Isaak Touré with the errant pass! This who-is-this-guy player needs to settle down!
Tacko Fall overcommits and gets beat! Occasional mental lapses when reading the play!
Isaak Touré drops their shoulders! Deflated, even an association football player's spirit has limits!
Halftime whistle. Victor Wembanyama spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Fun fact: Victor Wembanyama blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Tacko Fall, this little firecracker, can't finish from the right corner! That one stings!
This player making noise Victor Wembanyama can barely jump! The springs are gone driving to the hoop!
Isaak Touré forces the pass! Forcing their football boots where it doesn't fit!
Tacko Fall, this little firecracker, pounds the scorer's table! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Wilt Chamberlain walks off in silence. This All-Star caliber talent gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Godzilla's gaze is cold, distant. Isaak Touré's gaze is hot, angry. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Isaak Touré. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
98-117 (L)
Wilt Chamberlain, this big fella, announced to huge cheers! A roaring arena!
Isaak Touré with the off-balance tear drop! This newcomer couldn't set the feet!
Godzilla, this solid build, gets stripped back to the basket! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
Isaak Touré beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the winning goal slipping from an association football player!
Tacko Fall goes to work the pill with purpose! A finger roll! This who-is-this-guy player means business!
The locker room fills up. Tacko Fall has already eaten three oranges. Did you know Tacko Fall started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Wilt Chamberlain, this oversized freak, throws the hands up! Exasperated from way beyond the arc!
This established player Victor Wembanyama short-arms a two-handed slam from way beyond the arc! Not enough lift!
Godzilla slows the pace when the team needs it! This headliner tempo control!
Victor Wembanyama, this long boy, laboring up and down! Lack of consistency draining the energy!
This guy nobody was talking about Tacko Fall tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Isaak Touré refuses the coach's embrace. Tacko Fall accepts it but his body is stiff. I got a text from Isaak Touré after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
104-118 (L)
Wilt Chamberlain, this world-class player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Tacko Fall, this scrappy guard, loses the handle and the opportunity! Ego the size of Texas!
This certified bucket Wilt Chamberlain dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Wilt Chamberlain, this colossus, gets dunked on the low block! Poster material!
Victor Wembanyama hits a euro-step! Silky smooth technique proving to be the difference tonight!
Finally a breather. Victor Wembanyama has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Quick anecdote about Victor Wembanyama: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
This rising star Isaak Touré throws an elbow in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
Tacko Fall launches a buzzer-beater and... Airball! Heavy feet at its peak!
Tacko Fall blows past the ball out of the trap! Scary good handles under pressure!
Isaak Touré can barely run! The contest harder than the contest of scoring the winning goal!
Tacko Fall spins to the tunnel in disappointment. This newcomer will learn from this.
Victor Wembanyama's complexion is grey. Wilt Chamberlain's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
81-125 (L)
Isaak Touré goes to work into position! This unknown gem not wasting any time!
This dude out of nowhere Tacko Fall puts up a bank shot but it won't fall! Off night!
Wilt Chamberlain, this tower, gets the ball poked away! Occasional mental lapses when protecting the ball!
Isaak Touré gets posted up and scored on! This raw talent overpowered!
Godzilla can't mask the disappointment! This big-name player wearing it on the sleeve!
The players leave the court. Isaak Touré clings to the tunnel railing. Quick anecdote about Isaak Touré: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
This up-and-coming baller Victor Wembanyama whiffs on a step-back three! The crowd groans!
Godzilla dunks a step slower than usual! Lack of consistency in the tank!
Victor Wembanyama steps back into a trap! Defense that's basically a suggestion when reading the defense!
Wilt Chamberlain, this big fella, waves off the play call! Injury-prone body hurting the team!
Isaak Touré leaves the temple of basketball quietly! Quiet as an association football player after the winning goal setback!
Victor Wembanyama sits on the floor in the hallway. Wilt Chamberlain sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
79-114 (L)
Wilt Chamberlain rises up onto the floor! The crowd roars for this franchise guy!
Tacko Fall, this diamond in the rough, pulls the trigger back to the basket but no luck!
Tacko Fall lets fly into a dead end under the basket! Turnover! Tendency to rush!
Isaak Touré gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the winning goal on a rough day!
Tacko Fall, this dark horse, barks at the teammate! Occasional mental lapses taking over!
End of the first half. Godzilla is beet red but still standing. Quick anecdote about Godzilla: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Tacko Fall, this newcomer, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Tacko Fall, this guy nobody was talking about, is dragging! The this ball game minutes taking their toll!
Tacko Fall attacks carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
This top-tier talent Godzilla shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Godzilla had the chances but couldn't convert. This All-Star caliber talent left wanting.
Godzilla's complexion is grey. Tacko Fall's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Tonight I had a revelation: Tacko Fall runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
80-124 (L)
Isaak Touré sets the tone early! The association football player came to play tonight!
Godzilla, this combo guard, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Ego the size of Texas!
Tacko Fall explodes the damn ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this raw talent!
This All-Star caliber talent Wilt Chamberlain caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Tacko Fall picks up the second technical! This unknown gem ejected! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Halftime! Godzilla is limping slightly heading off the court. Anecdote: Godzilla fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Tacko Fall, this dude out of nowhere, fumbles the finish in the paint! Back to the drawing board!
This reliable star Wilt Chamberlain signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Injury-prone body!
This league veteran Victor Wembanyama forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Victor Wembanyama mouths off and picks up a T! Ego the size of Texas taking over!
Isaak Touré, this hidden prospect, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Tacko Fall stares at the floor while Wilt Chamberlain mutters something inaudible under his breath. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
88-128 (L)
Isaak Touré wins the opening tip! Tipping off with association football player energy!
A pull-up jumper from Tacko Fall goes in and out! Heartbreaking at half court!
Isaak Touré loses the leather in traffic! This surprise package can't afford that!
Wilt Chamberlain gives up the back door! Hot head when overplaying!
Godzilla, this franchise guy, with the frustrated foul! Lack of consistency in tough moments!
The locker room. Isaak Touré sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know? Isaak Touré once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Godzilla clanks another one off the rim! This reliable star needs to find rhythm!
Wilt Chamberlain lets fly but the legs won't cooperate! Defense that's basically a suggestion catching up!
Wilt Chamberlain, this tower, steps out of bounds with the leather! Mental lapse!
Tacko Fall spins away from the huddle! This newcomer in a dark place mentally!
Wilt Chamberlain, this mountain of a man, trudges off the gymnasium. Lessons to take from this one.
Wilt Chamberlain sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Tacko Fall has his head in his hands. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
89-112 (L)
This All-Star caliber talent Wilt Chamberlain comes out firing! A sky hook in the first minute!
A euro-step by Victor Wembanyama in transition is way off! Tough night for this seasoned vet!
This raw talent Tacko Fall commits the offensive foul! Turnover on the low block!
Victor Wembanyama reacts too late to rotate! Hot head on the help side!
Godzilla goes coast to coast for a step-back three! This headliner is relentless!
Break! Tacko Fall takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Little scoop: Tacko Fall logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Tacko Fall glares at the scoreboard! This surprise package not happy with the situation!
Wilt Chamberlain with a rough scoop layup at the buzzer! Heavy feet at the worst time!
This world-class player Godzilla recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
This max-contract guy Godzilla can't close out! The legs are shot from mid-range!
Godzilla crosses over past the media. This certified bucket not in the mood to talk.
Tacko Fall lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Godzilla decides not to comment. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
78-118 (L)
This reliable star Godzilla in the starting lineup! Let's see what this reliable star brings!
Isaak Touré bricks it! Not the same accuracy as scoring the winning goal!
This newcomer Tacko Fall commits the 5-second violation! Clock management heavy feet!
Godzilla gets caught flat-footed! This big-name player beaten to the spot!
Wilt Chamberlain, this colossus, sits down hard on the bench! Occasional mental lapses written all over his face!
Break! Tacko Fall grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know? Tacko Fall has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Wilt Chamberlain, this 7-footer, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this reliable star!
Godzilla, this All-Star caliber talent, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Godzilla coughs up the rock! Lack of consistency strikes again from mid-range!
Tacko Fall storms to the bench! This hungry young player is visibly upset!
Isaak Touré leaves the hardwood with dignity! The dignity of an association football player with their football boots!
Wilt Chamberlain bites the inside of his cheek. Victor Wembanyama pinches the bridge of his nose. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season journal
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