My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | My Team | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby! If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Standing at 218 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Jörmungandr. The man. Is. A banker. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A banker. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of a banker and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. The budget? Astronomical. The owner said "let's go" and signed the check without even looking at the number. We're deep into the luxury tax, every dollar over the threshold costs triple, and the accountant has nightmares every single night. But when you've got two superstars, a fifteen-man roster where the weakest link would start elsewhere, and a coaching staff paid in gold, you don't give a damn about the bill. It's championship or bust, and they've chosen their side.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
85-130 (L)
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this next-level player, embraces the Finals-like atmosphere! Game on!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander launches a catch-and-shoot triple and... Airball! Ego the size of Texas at its peak!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this giant, commits the travel! Injury-prone body in the footwork!
This potential breakout star Solo Ball picks up the cheap foul! Heavy feet showing!
This up-and-coming baller Ray Allen slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Halftime. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Anecdote: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. We're back! The players look fired up.
A bucket from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar sails wide! This generational talent needs to regroup!
This up-and-coming baller Shai Gilgeous-Alexander is a warrior but the body says no! The 4 periods of 12 minutes of war!
This legit talent Shai Gilgeous-Alexander dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Ray Allen slams the Wilson in frustration! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
This generational talent Kareem Abdul-Jabbar congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this generational talent.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander bites his lip, fists clenched. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
114-80 (W)
Tip-off! Solo Ball gets us started! Let's go!
Solo Ball buries an alley-oop facing the rim! This hidden prospect is on fire tonight!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this giant, drops the dime! Nerves of steel passing on display!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander knocks down a finger roll at the buzzer! Ice in the veins!
Solo Ball with a textbook defensive stance! That's how you do it!
Halftime! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Physio's confession: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
A free throw from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar! Another dagger! This franchise cornerstone closing the door!
Jörmungandr extends the lead! The banker is pulling away from the pack!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this solid pro, catches the Spalding in the face! Hands of stone today!
Solo Ball goes to work to center court! A victory dance! This rising star owns the moment!
Jörmungandr with the game ball! Earned it the hard way, banker style!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar launches his shoe into the air. Solo Ball catches it. Standing ovation. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
123-89 (W)
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander fires up the crowd to open the game! This next-level player starting strong!
A catch-and-shoot triple from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar! That's a gym-rat work ethic at the highest level!
This total unknown Solo Ball with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Solo Ball, this diamond in the rough, exploits the mismatch for a two-handed slam! Too easy!
Jörmungandr blocks from behind! Came outta nowhere like a banker on a mission!
Well-deserved break. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Did you know Kareem Abdul-Jabbar knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Orlando Magic-Beans's colors. By accident, obviously. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Jörmungandr dunks the damn ball with purpose! A floater! This potential breakout star means business!
Ray Allen with the cherry on top! A deep three in a blowout! Good night!
Solo Ball, this smooth operator, guard's the leather like a running back! Wrong sport!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander taps the logo on the jersey! A salute to the fans! That's pride right there!
That's the game! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar finishes with a monster performance! This absolute legend victorious!
Ray Allen and Solo Ball play rock-paper-scissors to decide who carries the ball. Ray Allen loses. Tonight I learned Ray Allen used to be a banker before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
103-98 (W)
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander goes to work onto the floor! The crowd roars for this player on the come-up!
This certified GOAT candidate Kareem Abdul-Jabbar comes up with a massive steal! Transition time!
Jörmungandr misfires at half court! Their bare hands calibration needed!
This hall-of-fame lock Kareem Abdul-Jabbar goes to work from the right corner! An alley-oop drops beautifully!
Jörmungandr zones up! Defensive zone like a banker's the game zone!
Halftime whistle. Ray Allen has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Bus driver's confession: Ray Allen raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Solo Ball breaks the tie! A two-handed slam! This surprise package wants to be the hero!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this 7-footer, with the clutch crucial offensive board! The crowd is on its feet!
Ray Allen in a Playoff atmosphere! This solid pro has been waiting for this stage!
Jörmungandr delivers on a strategic timeout! A banker who always delivers on time!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar dishes in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. Did you know that Jörmungandr practices banker on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
101-89 (W)
Ray Allen, this big fella, sets the tone immediately! A gym-rat work ethic from the jump!
Jörmungandr, this versatile guy, elevates for a monster two-handed slam!
Ray Allen times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A defensive stop from mid-range!
This well-respected player Shai Gilgeous-Alexander turns the corner and finds the open man! Unselfish!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this 7-footer, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Freakish explosiveness!
Well-deserved break. Solo Ball looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Word is Solo Ball sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
A layup by Shai Gilgeous-Alexander from downtown! Iron discipline in every fiber!
A roaring arena as Ray Allen, this titan, is introduced! Goosebumps!
This newcomer Jörmungandr motivates the squad in the huddle! Natural leader!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this oversized freak, evolves before our eyes! A career-defining moment!
Ray Allen takes off into the tunnel with the W! This respected competitor all smiles!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander does the floss while Kareem Abdul-Jabbar spins like a top. Solo Ball just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
122-102 (W)
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander opens with a thunderous slam! This player on the come-up making an early statement!
Jörmungandr scores with insane court vision. A devastating dunk from way beyond the arc! Too smooth!
This total unknown Jörmungandr reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
This total unknown Solo Ball leads the fast break and dishes! Easy bucket off the assist!
This solid pro Ray Allen sets the back screen! Pure God-given talent off-ball contribution!
Break! Ray Allen rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Juicy intel: Ray Allen turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Ray Allen with freakish explosiveness finds the angle for a tear drop!
You can feel an electric crowd through the screen! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in the spotlight!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar finds the open teammate! This franchise cornerstone making everyone better!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is writing the story tonight! This potential GOAT with a layup in the paint!
Ray Allen, this colossus, takes the final bow! A primal scream! Dominant display!
Jörmungandr and Solo Ball slap each other's butts. Ray Allen declines the invitation. I got a text from Jörmungandr after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
88-114 (L)
Opening possession for Jörmungandr! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander gets a clean look but shaky emotions under pressure costs the bucket!
Jörmungandr with the errant pass! This dude out of nowhere needs to settle down!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar gets burned on the drive! Limited stamina in lateral movement!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar attacks from way beyond the arc and finishes with an alley-oop! Too good!
Well-deserved break. Ray Allen looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Fun fact: Ray Allen blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Ray Allen, this mountain of a man, throws the hands up! Exasperated facing the rim!
An and-one by Shai Gilgeous-Alexander at the top of the key is way off! Tough night for this dude putting the league on notice!
Ray Allen identifies the soft spot in the zone! This seasoned vet surgical precision!
Solo Ball is gassed! This who-is-this-guy player bent over at half court! Tendency to rush catching up!
Ray Allen walks off in silence. This dude putting the league on notice gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander's eyes are glassy. Solo Ball mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
95-120 (L)
Game time! Ray Allen and this player making noise ready to put on a show at the court!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander with a wild attempt! This well-respected player not finding the range tonight!
Solo Ball with a wild pass that sails out! This rising star giving it away!
Ray Allen, this big fella, gets dunked on driving to the hoop! Poster material!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this long boy, overpowers for a catch-and-shoot triple! Size matters!
The players head in. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander slips on the wet tunnel floor. Did you know Shai Gilgeous-Alexander keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this player making noise, barks at the teammate! Injury-prone body taking over!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander can't buy a bucket! Another miss under the basket! Frustrating!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this long boy, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this basketball god, is dragging! The this ball game minutes taking their toll!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander reflects on what could have been. Tendency to force bad shots the difference tonight.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar watches the crowd file out in silence. Ray Allen prefers not to look. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
88-120 (L)
And we're underway! Solo Ball touches the leather first! This newcomer looks eager!
Jörmungandr misses the open look! A banker never misses the game... But misses the Spalding!
Stolen from Jörmungandr! A banker who let it slip through their fingers!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Tendency to rush!
Jörmungandr, this hidden prospect, with the frustrated foul! Limited stamina in tough moments!
That's a wrap for now. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander dives into the tunnel. Fun fact: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Ray Allen misfires at half court! This respected competitor searching for answers!
Ray Allen, this titan, with tired legs under the basket! Heavy feet slowing this guy with a proven track record down!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander coughs up the ball! Occasional mental lapses strikes again from mid-range!
This name that's buzzing Shai Gilgeous-Alexander shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar pulls up past the media. This once-in-a-lifetime player not in the mood to talk.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's eyes are red, jaw tight. Jörmungandr apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
91-127 (L)
Ray Allen, this established player, draws first blood! An off-balance shot to start!
This respected competitor Shai Gilgeous-Alexander rattles it out! So close yet so far at half court!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander launches into a dead end under the basket! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Ray Allen, this absolute unit, gets exploited in the switch! Ego the size of Texas exposed in the mismatch!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander glares at the scoreboard! This player making noise not happy with the situation!
Well-deserved break. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander looks like someone who just ran a marathon. True story: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Denver Horse-Track. Awkward. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar fires a layup at the buzzer but can't connect! Ego the size of Texas showing!
This next-level player Ray Allen can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
This generational talent Kareem Abdul-Jabbar with turnover number lengths ahead! Injury-prone body is piling up!
This first-ballot legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
This raw talent Solo Ball shakes hands and moves on. In the end, injury-prone body proved costly.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Solo Ball tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
84-115 (L)
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this long boy, takes the court! The electric crowd is electric!
Solo Ball clanks another one off the rim! This unknown gem needs to find rhythm!
This name that's buzzing Ray Allen loses concentration and the orange with it!
Ray Allen, this oversized freak, lets the shooter get free facing the rim! Costly lapse!
Ray Allen gets a technical for complaining! Limited stamina on full display!
Halftime whistle! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar slides down against the hallway wall. Intel: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Solo Ball explodes and fires but misses everything! Injury-prone body tonight!
Ray Allen, this seasoned vet, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
This legit talent Ray Allen gets pickpocketed in transition! Sloppy handling!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar mouths off and picks up a T! Hot head taking over!
Jörmungandr fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the banker gave everything!
Ray Allen sits on the floor in the hallway. Solo Ball sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
92-99 (L)
This basketball god Kareem Abdul-Jabbar comes out aggressive! Opens with a tear drop in the paint!
Ray Allen attacks but it's well off! Lack of consistency under fatigue!
Ray Allen dribbles carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this towering presence, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over defense that's basically a suggestion!
A layup! Shai Gilgeous-Alexander cannot be stopped tonight! This dude putting the league on notice is locked in!
That's a cut. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Jörmungandr looks to the heavens! A banker praying for their bare hands to work!
Ray Allen forces a fadeaway jumper at the buzzer! This well-respected player trying too hard!
Ray Allen, this respected competitor, manages the clock beautifully in the fourth quarter!
Ray Allen, this up-and-coming baller, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Solo Ball, this solid build, trudges off the hardwood. Lessons to take from this one.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander walks toward the tunnel without a word. Solo Ball stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Shai Gilgeous-Alexander's name. Forgive me. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
74-119 (L)
This guy with rings on every finger Kareem Abdul-Jabbar comes out firing! A bank shot in the first minute!
Solo Ball, this combo guard, bobbles the damn ball and the chance evaporates from downtown!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar goes to work into a trap! Occasional mental lapses when reading the defense!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this walking skyscraper, can't keep up with the speed! Tendency to force bad shots exposed!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander storms to the bench! This player making noise is visibly upset!
Intermission. Jörmungandr dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Locker room intel: Jörmungandr has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this mammoth, gets the look but can't convert from mid-range!
Jörmungandr slows down visibly! Slower than their bare hands on low power!
Solo Ball, this combo guard, fumbles the entry pass off the pick and roll!
Jörmungandr shakes their head! A banker who can't believe that just happened!
This guy with rings on every finger Kareem Abdul-Jabbar leaves the palace of hoops with head held high. Fought to the end.
Ray Allen unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Jörmungandr runs a hand down his face. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
111-113 (L)
Solo Ball, this all-around player, is introduced and the arena explodes! This surprise package is in the building!
A pull-up jumper from Jörmungandr! This who-is-this-guy player reminding everyone why they're on top!
Solo Ball reacts too late to rotate! Tendency to rush on the help side!
Ray Allen, this tree of a man, can't finish from the right corner! That one stings!
Jörmungandr, this dude out of nowhere, makes the huge stop! Defense fueling the comeback!
Halftime. The doctor examines Jörmungandr's shoulder while the others catch their breath. I've been told Jörmungandr once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Jörmungandr, this hungry young player, commits the late turnover! Shaky emotions under pressure with the ball!
Solo Ball picks up the second technical! This dark horse ejected! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
This name that's buzzing Ray Allen turns adversity into fuel! An All-Star Game worthy play energy!
Ray Allen can't hit the go-ahead! Tendency to rush when the lights are brightest!
Ray Allen, this established player, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Solo Ball refuses the coach's embrace. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander accepts it but his body is stiff. I got a text from Solo Ball after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
98-108 (L)
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this tower, announced to huge cheers! A boiling cauldron!
Solo Ball, this smooth operator, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Occasional mental lapses!
Jörmungandr passes to nobody! This total unknown with a head-scratching decision!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander gets caught flat-footed! This guy with a proven track record beaten to the spot!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar fades away to the rack for a bucket! Can't contain this beanpole!
Break! Solo Ball grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Little secret: Solo Ball listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
This established player Ray Allen gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
A reverse layup from Shai Gilgeous-Alexander catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
This up-and-coming baller Ray Allen uses the floater over this towering presence coverage! Smart!
Jörmungandr finds a second wind! The banker engine roars back to life!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this long boy, hangs the head. Tough loss despite silky smooth technique effort.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Jörmungandr puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
My Team finishes #12 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Season Journal
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby!
If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Standing at 218 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball.
The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Jörmungandr. The man. Is. A banker. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A banker. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of a banker and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
The budget? Astronomical. The owner said "let's go" and signed the check without even looking at the number. We're deep into the luxury tax, every dollar over the threshold costs triple, and the accountant has nightmares every single night. But when you've got two superstars, a fifteen-man roster where the weakest link would start elsewhere, and a coaching staff paid in gold, you don't give a damn about the bill. It's championship or bust, and they've chosen their side.
My Team finishes #12 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
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