My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | My Team | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Severus Snape. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. The man is massive, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Harry Potter. The man is a juggler. A freaking juggler. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
89-133 (L)
MrBeast steps onto the palace of hoops! From captivating the algorithm to this, game time!
Air ball from MrBeast! Being a youtuber doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
MrBeast throws it away! Shaky emotions under pressure under pressure at the buzzer!
Albert Einstein, this versatile guy, gets exploited in the switch! Lack of consistency exposed in the mismatch!
Abraham Lincoln, this combo guard, waves off the play call! Defense that's basically a suggestion hurting the team!
Off to the locker room. Severus Snape has already drained two water bottles. Anecdote: Severus Snape once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Harry Potter gets blocked! Rejected harder than a juggler's worst day on the job!
MrBeast is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure youtuber stubbornness!
Intercepted! MrBeast's pass snatched right out of the air! A youtuber would never be that careless!
Harry Potter waves off the play! The authority of a juggler in that gesture!
Harry Potter fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the juggler gave everything!
MrBeast refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Albert Einstein watches it and immediately regrets it. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
108-101 (W)
MrBeast gets the starting nod! A youtuber starting with their camera confidence!
Abraham Lincoln, this all-around player, dominates on the low block and puts up a buzzer-beater! Unstoppable!
This absolute legend Abraham Lincoln with the no-foul contest at the buzzer! Clean as a whistle!
MrBeast creates the opportunity! Building something special tonight!
Harry Potter sets up the play three passes ahead! Three moves ahead, like a juggler at work!
End of the first act. Harry Potter is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Anecdote: Harry Potter lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Albert Einstein scores off the glass! Bank shot precision of an inventor!
Listen to that roar! Albert Einstein drives and the place explodes!
Albert Einstein celebrates the team's success! This guy with rings on every finger knows together is better!
Harry Potter's juggler background shines through every play with the game!
Harry Potter blows past into the tunnel with the W! This potential GOAT all smiles!
Abraham Lincoln and Harry Potter fake a wrestling match. Severus Snape plays the referee and calls a timeout. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
94-117 (L)
This all-time great Albert Einstein comes out aggressive! Opens with a thunderous slam in the paint!
This world-class player MrBeast whiffs on an and-one! The crowd groans!
MrBeast dunks the damn ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this franchise guy!
MrBeast gets screened out! Stuck behind their camera like it's a wall!
Albert Einstein just treated the Spalding way they treat the status quo. A hook shot, bang!
Finally a breather. Abraham Lincoln has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Intel: Abraham Lincoln asked Orlando Magic-Beans for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Abraham Lincoln slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a farmer hits the workbench!
MrBeast blows past but the shot rims out! Injury-prone body rears its ugly head!
Albert Einstein uses a suffocating man-to-man defense to get open! Open space created with their prototype sketch smarts!
MrBeast is gassed! This franchise guy bent over at half court! Defense that's basically a suggestion catching up!
This household name Albert Einstein stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this household name wanted.
Abraham Lincoln has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Albert Einstein has aged ten years in forty minutes. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
112-111 (W)
Severus Snape, this do-it-all player, sets the tone immediately! An off-the-charts basketball IQ from the jump!
Severus Snape, this all-around player, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a sky-high block!
Harry Potter, this smooth operator, wastes a golden chance with a wild off-balance shot!
MrBeast crosses over and scores! Those youtuber hands work wonders with the Spalding!
This established star Severus Snape attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, MrBeast picks up the pace. Fun fact: MrBeast was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
MrBeast breaks the tie! A catch-and-shoot triple! This world-class player wants to be the hero!
Harry Potter recovers and blocks! That's the hustle of someone who works for a living!
The press box buzzes about MrBeast! A youtuber with their camera making headlines!
Severus Snape refuses to lose! A double agent who never accepts failure!
Abraham Lincoln, this potential GOAT, soaks in the moment! Victory from the left corner! A victory dance!
Abraham Lincoln charges toward the crowd. Harry Potter catches him just before he dives into the stands. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
120-100 (W)
Albert Einstein starts in the lockdown defender! Playing the lockdown defender the way an inventor plays with their prototype sketch!
Albert Einstein knocks it down! Solid as an inventor with their prototype sketch in hand!
Harry Potter blocks the layup attempt! A ball recovery with their bare hands authority!
Severus Snape with the no-look pass! Betraying a shadowy handler blindfolded!
MrBeast uses a lockdown zone defense brilliantly! Strategy from captivating the algorithm!
Halftime. MrBeast is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Quick anecdote about MrBeast: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Harry Potter hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their bare hands driving to the hoop!
Post-game fireworks for Severus Snape! Brighter than their cipher ring on a perfect day!
Abraham Lincoln glues the team together! Team-first mentality, pure farmer instinct!
This franchise cornerstone Abraham Lincoln embraces the pressure! This is what greatness looks like!
Harry Potter celebrates at the final buzzer! Celebration worthy of their bare hands!
Abraham Lincoln jumps into Harry Potter's arms without warning. They both go down. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
92-122 (L)
Tip-off! Abraham Lincoln gets us started! Let's go!
This undisputed superstar Abraham Lincoln rattles it out! So close yet so far off the pick and roll!
Severus Snape with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading a shadowy handler!
Abraham Lincoln, this tweener, gets dunked on under the basket! Poster material!
Abraham Lincoln goes coast to coast for a deep three! This undisputed superstar is relentless!
The locker room fills up. MrBeast has already eaten three oranges. The staff told me MrBeast sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
MrBeast looks to the heavens! A youtuber praying for their camera to work!
Harry Potter fires away the ball awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this potential GOAT!
Abraham Lincoln adjusts the tempo! Controlling the rhythm like a veteran farmer!
This certified bucket MrBeast can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Abraham Lincoln, this first-ballot legend, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Abraham Lincoln sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Harry Potter has his head in his hands. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
107-115 (L)
This living legend Albert Einstein catches the damn ball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Albert Einstein short on the attempt! Needs the reach of their prototype sketch!
Harry Potter throws it away! A pass worse than a juggler tossing the game!
Albert Einstein gets posterized! An inventor framed by their prototype sketch in the worst way!
MrBeast scores off the inbound! That's the preparation of a youtuber right there!
Halftime whistle. Harry Potter flops into the first available chair. Locker room intel: Harry Potter has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
This basketball god Albert Einstein fouls hard out of frustration! Ego the size of Texas showing!
Abraham Lincoln throws up a clunker! The seed dibber would weep at that trajectory!
Harry Potter adjusts the matchup! Finding the right fit, the juggler approach!
Albert Einstein grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their prototype sketch in the workshop!
Harry Potter looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a juggler!
Harry Potter sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Abraham Lincoln has his head in his hands. I learned that Harry Potter's father was a youtuber. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
105-104 (W)
And we're underway! Abraham Lincoln touches the Wilson first! This potential GOAT looks eager!
Harry Potter, this all-around player, swats it into the third row! A rebound in traffic!
Abraham Lincoln misses! Even a farmer can't fix that shot!
Severus Snape scores a thunderous slam in an electric crowd! Their cipher ring vibes radiating across the hardwood!
This max-contract guy Severus Snape calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Finally a breather. Abraham Lincoln has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Did you know Abraham Lincoln keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Abraham Lincoln, this combo guard, with the late-game half-court heave! That dawg mentality shining through!
Harry Potter holds the line in beyond the arc! The discipline of a juggler with their bare hands!
The energy in this building is unreal! Albert Einstein channeling a standing ovation!
Severus Snape buries the go-ahead shot! Ice cold, this double agent doesn't flinch!
This reliable star Severus Snape raises the arms! The win is in the books! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench!
MrBeast mimes popping a champagne bottle. Albert Einstein mimes chugging straight from it. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
85-124 (L)
Harry Potter, this smooth operator, is introduced and the arena explodes! This household name is in the building!
Harry Potter misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their bare hands at the game!
Albert Einstein with the errant pass! This global icon needs to settle down!
This guy with rings on every finger Albert Einstein bites on the fake! Beaten at the top of the key!
Harry Potter dunks away from the huddle! This guy with rings on every finger in a dark place mentally!
End of the first half. Albert Einstein is beet red but still standing. Rumor has it Albert Einstein tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Harry Potter, this basketball god, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Abraham Lincoln, this first-ballot legend, is dragging! The allotted time minutes taking their toll!
Abraham Lincoln pulls up into a dead end from mid-range! Turnover! Limited stamina!
Albert Einstein mutters to himself walking back! This generational talent fighting inner demons!
Severus Snape shakes hands through the pain! A double agent who respects their cipher ring and the game!
MrBeast shakes Albert Einstein's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
106-96 (W)
MrBeast opens with a devastating dunk! This max-contract guy making an early statement!
Albert Einstein penetrates past everyone for a deep three! This do-it-all player on a mission!
This bonafide star Severus Snape with the screen navigation! Gets through and contests!
Severus Snape, this do-it-all player, finds the trailer! A hook shot off the assist, easy money!
Severus Snape baits the defender! Got them hook, line, and sinker!
The locker room. Albert Einstein sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know Albert Einstein once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Albert Einstein racks up a scoop layup! Productive night for this inventor!
Abraham Lincoln, this solid build, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Severus Snape goes to work the outlet to the young player! This max-contract guy building the future!
Abraham Lincoln, the farmer from the day shift, is writing their story on the floor tonight!
Harry Potter delivers in this clash of styles! The juggler shows up with their bare hands!
MrBeast and Harry Potter slap each other's butts. Albert Einstein declines the invitation. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
94-115 (L)
Albert Einstein takes the court to a roaring arena! The inventor with their prototype sketch is here!
Harry Potter clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their bare hands hitting the game!
Severus Snape coughs up the Spalding! Tendency to force bad shots strikes again from the left corner!
Severus Snape gets crossed over! This jersey-selling name left frozen from mid-range!
A step-back three! Harry Potter cannot be stopped tonight! This global icon is locked in!
Break! Severus Snape heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Staff confession: Severus Snape is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Severus Snape drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a double agent's spirit has limits!
Severus Snape can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the leather differently than a shadowy handler!
This certified bucket Severus Snape runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Albert Einstein, this versatile guy, laboring up and down! Shaky emotions under pressure draining the energy!
Harry Potter wipes a tear! A juggler who poured everything into the effort!
MrBeast lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Albert Einstein holds his in. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
89-119 (L)
Abraham Lincoln huddles with the team! Huddling up, the farmer strategizes!
Albert Einstein misfires under the basket! Even this basketball god has off nights!
Severus Snape, this solid build, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted on the low block!
Abraham Lincoln gets posted up and scored on! This franchise cornerstone overpowered!
Albert Einstein attacks from way beyond the arc and finishes with an and-one! Too good!
Halftime whistle. Abraham Lincoln high-fives his teammates on the way out. Fun fact: Abraham Lincoln blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Albert Einstein sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like an inventor after a long shift!
Abraham Lincoln, this all-around player, gets stuffed trying a layup! Denied!
Albert Einstein reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this inventor!
Albert Einstein gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like an inventor begging the status quo for mercy!
Albert Einstein walks off in defeat! Even an inventor's skills couldn't save tonight!
Severus Snape's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Abraham Lincoln hides his eyes under a towel. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
101-116 (L)
Abraham Lincoln, this combo guard, takes the court! The hostile crowd is electric!
Abraham Lincoln, this basketball god, comes up empty! A euro-step off target off the pick and roll!
MrBeast botches the handoff! Even their camera exchanges go smoother!
Albert Einstein beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the status quo slipping from an inventor!
This generational talent Albert Einstein capitalizes in transition! A free throw with ridiculous creativity!
The locker room. Abraham Lincoln sprawls out full-length on the bench. Rumor has it Abraham Lincoln does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
This jersey-selling name Severus Snape gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Abraham Lincoln with the off-balance alley-oop! This guy with rings on every finger couldn't set the feet!
Albert Einstein exploits the mismatch! Finding weakness with their prototype sketch acumen!
Harry Potter needs oxygen! More winded than a juggler after overtime!
Harry Potter leaves the venue quietly! Quiet as a juggler after the game setback!
MrBeast pulls his cap down over his eyes. Harry Potter doesn't have a cap, and it shows. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
96-123 (L)
The gymnasium welcomes Severus Snape! The double agent with a shadowy handler has arrived!
Albert Einstein misfires again! Having the status quo-shaped night!
Abraham Lincoln loses possession! The stubborn soil never leaves a farmer's hands like that!
Harry Potter fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a juggler chasing the game!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Harry Potter punishes the defense with a pull-up jumper from mid-range!
End of the first half. Abraham Lincoln is beet red but still standing. Did you know? Abraham Lincoln has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Harry Potter kicks the air! The frustration of a juggler who knows they can do better!
Albert Einstein air-mails an alley-oop at the top of the key! Way off for this guy with rings on every finger!
Abraham Lincoln makes the hockey assist! The unsung play of a farmer behind the stubborn soil!
Albert Einstein looks to the bench for relief! Relief like an inventor relieved of their prototype sketch!
This headliner Severus Snape tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Abraham Lincoln claps his hands in frustration. Albert Einstein clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
99-113 (L)
This potential GOAT Abraham Lincoln gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Harry Potter whiffs on the jumper! A juggler off their game with their bare hands!
Harry Potter with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
Severus Snape left in the dust! Even a double agent moves faster than that!
Severus Snape, this swiss-army-knife type, elevates for a monster and-one!
Heading in. Albert Einstein's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Intel: Albert Einstein once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Harry Potter glares at the scoreboard! This hall-of-fame lock not happy with the situation!
Abraham Lincoln shoots short! Not enough juice! Even a farmer would cringe!
Albert Einstein, this franchise cornerstone, orchestrates the delay game! Ridiculous creativity in action!
This undisputed superstar Albert Einstein has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Harry Potter gave it everything! Everything a juggler has, left on the court!
Albert Einstein takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Abraham Lincoln doesn't drink. Throat too tight. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
My Team finishes #12 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Severus Snape.
Season Journal
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Severus Snape. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. The man is massive, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Harry Potter. The man is a juggler. A freaking juggler. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered.
The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
My Team finishes #12 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Severus Snape.
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