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Austin Dihbasketball_team 🇺🇸

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Season Journal

Standings

#TeamWLPts
1San Antonio Skyscrapers13226
2Detroit Engine-Roar13226
3Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest12324
4Boston Ring-Chasers12324
5Cleveland Twin-Towers12324
6Austin Dih11422
7Houston Blast-Off9618
8New York Over-Timers8716
9Denver Horse-Track7814
10Minnesota Ice-Wall6912
11Toronto Border-Patrol4118
12Los Angeles Nursing-Home4118
13Phoenix No-Defense3126
14Orlando Magic-Beans3126
15Philadelphia Injury-Report2134
16Miami Heart-Attack1142

Pre-season

Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... Austin Dih! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless. The chef's surprise of the evening is Goku. A farmer by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle stubborn soil with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. The budget is starting to look serious. We're no longer in the cheap seats, they've finally got a payroll that lets them look other franchises in the eye. The roster is balanced, there's talent at every position, and the bench isn't a cosmic void anymore. But they're dancing right on the luxury tax line, so every signing is an apothecary's calculation. A blockbuster trade? Possible, but something's gotta give. It's chess, and the GM is a pretty damn good player.

Matchday 1vs Detroit Engine-Roar

108-106 (W)

Goku stretches center court! Loosening up, the farmer is getting ready!

Goku pokes it away! Quick fingers from cultivating the stubborn soil!

LeBron James, this titan, gets the separation but can't finish! Injury-prone body!

King Von tallies another one! This rapper keeps racking them up!

This basketball god Michael Jordan sets the back screen! That dawg mentality off-ball contribution!

Back to the locker room. Goku's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Little scoop: Goku tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.

Goku, this tweener, scores the go-ahead! A reverse layup! Heart of a champion!

Wally West, this versatile guy, with the clutch ball recovery! The crowd is on its feet!

A boiling cauldron as King Von nails a double-clutch layup! The rapper delivers!

Michael Jordan rises up for the game-winner! A two-handed slam! This living legend is the moment!

This unknown gem Wally West is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!

King Von improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. Goku plays the imaginary violin. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.

Matchday 2vs Miami Heart-Attack

123-77 (W)

This living legend Michael Jordan opens the scoring! A pull-up jumper! Early advantage!

A floater from Michael Jordan! This franchise cornerstone just keeps delivering!

Wally West dishes a beautiful pass! Special delivery from this superhero!

LeBron James with the decisive layup! Eyes in the back of the head when it matters most!

Goku locks down their opponent! Tight as a farmer gripping the seed dibber!

Into the tunnel. Goku grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Confession: Goku believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.

Goku, this reliable star, with the exclamation-point deep three! Game changer!

Wally West mercy-rules them! Even a superhero wouldn't be this ruthless!

This headliner Goku does the robot during the dead ball! A raised fist!

This world-class player Goku raises the arms in triumph! A bench mob celebration! The crowd follows!

King Von posts career numbers! Numbers bigger than the fiery bars inventory!

Michael Jordan takes a bow for the crowd. Wally West bows to Michael Jordan. The nobility of basketball. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.

Matchday 3vs Orlando Magic-Beans

113-81 (W)

And we're underway! Michael Jordan touches the orange first! This absolute legend looks eager!

A free throw from Goku! This guy everybody knows reminding everyone why they're on top!

Goku with the kick-out pass! Kicking the offense into gear, farmer style!

Wally West with the smooth two-handed slam! This newcomer making it look easy!

LeBron James draws the offensive foul! Smart play, great positioning!

Back to the locker room. Michael Jordan punches his locker. Intel: Michael Jordan asked Orlando Magic-Beans for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.

Michael Jordan pulls up and drills a bucket! Can't teach that!

LeBron James, this big fella, caps off a dominant performance! Silky smooth technique from start to finish!

King Von brought a lunchbox full of the fiery bars! Snacking or strategizing?

This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan waves goodbye to the opponent! A chest bump! Savage!

King Von celebrates at the final buzzer! Celebration worthy of their hot mic!

Goku climbs onto the scorer's table. King Von joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. I learned backstage that King Von also does superhero on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?

Matchday 4vs Philadelphia Injury-Report

109-101 (W)

This franchise guy Goku comes out aggressive! Opens with an off-balance shot at the buzzer!

What a play by Michael Jordan! A bucket from way beyond the arc! This global icon is cooking!

Michael Jordan, this mountain of a man, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a brilliant anticipation!

LeBron James, this living legend, sets the table in the paint! Assist master!

Wally West, this surprise package, orchestrates the delay game! Unreal swagger in action!

Back to the locker room. King Von's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Fun fact: King Von tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!

This guy everybody knows Goku finishes with authority! A deep three at the top of the key!

Post-game fireworks for Goku! Brighter than the seed dibber on a perfect day!

This unknown gem Wally West motivates the squad in the huddle! Natural leader!

Wally West embodies the spirit of every superhero who ever dreamed of a deep three!

Michael Jordan, this big fella, takes the final bow! A chest bump! Dominant display!

LeBron James takes Goku by the hand and they bow to the crowd like stage actors. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?

Matchday 5vs Phoenix No-Defense

107-85 (W)

Wally West takes off with energy from the opening whistle! This total unknown locked in!

This all-time great Michael Jordan erupts for a hook shot! The floodgates are open!

LeBron James anticipates the cut and deflects the pill! This living legend reading minds!

LeBron James, this once-in-a-lifetime player, draws the double and finds the open shooter! An off-the-charts basketball IQ!

This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James uses the floater over this mammoth coverage! Smart!

Break! Michael Jordan heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Anecdote: Michael Jordan once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.

Goku shoots the Wilson with an unmatched feel for the game. And it drops! Nothing you can do!

Michael Jordan dribbles and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!

LeBron James, this oversized freak, anchors the second unit! This potential GOAT versatile contributor!

This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan has that look in the eyes! Watch out! Insane court vision!

King Von has the last say! Final word from a rapper about the fiery bars!

King Von and LeBron James carry Goku like a trophy across the entire court. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.

Matchday 6vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home

113-87 (W)

Goku steps onto the field house! From cultivating the stubborn soil to this, game time!

Wally West scores from the elbow! Perfect angle, the superhero knows geometry!

Goku times it perfectly and rejects the shot! An iron-wall defense at the top of the key!

LeBron James, this giant, finds the trailer! A bank shot off the assist, easy money!

Goku executes a fast-break offense perfectly! Precision learned as a farmer!

End of the second quarter. LeBron James is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Anecdote: LeBron James lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.

Goku, this tweener, with a silky pull-up jumper driving to the hoop! Smooth operator!

The crowd collectively holds its breath for Wally West's shot! You could hear a pin drop!

This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James runs the orange patiently! Searching for the perfect shot!

This all-time great Michael Jordan digs deep! Finding reserves nobody knew existed!

Wally West embraces teammates! The bond of competing the game together!

Goku and Michael Jordan share a 30-second hug. Wally West wants in. Gets pushed away. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.

Matchday 7vs Toronto Border-Patrol

112-94 (W)

King Von, this pocket rocket, is introduced and the arena explodes! This dude putting the league on notice is in the building!

Michael Jordan converts a tough floater from mid-range! Skill level: elite!

Michael Jordan with the denial defense! This generational talent not giving an inch!

This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James turns the corner and finds the open man! Unselfish!

Wally West adjusts the matchup! Finding the right fit, the superhero approach!

Halftime! LeBron James looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Did you know LeBron James entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.

Michael Jordan buries a step-back three facing the rim! This absolute legend is on fire tonight!

The PA announcer can't pronounce Wally West's their bare hands! Comedy at the floor!

Wally West glues the team together! Team-first mentality, pure superhero instinct!

Michael Jordan takes off with conviction! This all-time great believes tonight is the night!

This global icon Michael Jordan led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!

King Von makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Goku makes a bigger heart. LeBron James makes a massive heart. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'

Matchday 8vs Minnesota Ice-Wall

130-92 (W)

Michael Jordan fires up the crowd to open the game! This once-in-a-lifetime player starting strong!

This living legend Michael Jordan converts at the buzzer! A bank shot right on cue!

This player making noise King Von orchestrates the offense along the baseline! Maestro!

Goku, this max-contract guy, sinks a tear drop with surgical precision driving to the hoop!

Michael Jordan reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!

Halftime. LeBron James throws his towel on the floor walking in. Fun fact: LeBron James was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.

Michael Jordan, this big fella, elevates for a monster euro-step!

Michael Jordan, this first-ballot legend, with the dagger and then some! An off-balance shot!

LeBron James, this absolute unit, guard's the pill like a running back! Wrong sport!

Michael Jordan points to the sky after a layup! This generational talent in the zone!

LeBron James hugs the coach! This guy with rings on every finger with a complete performance!

LeBron James dumps his Gatorade on Michael Jordan who screams because it was cold. King Von piles on. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.

Matchday 9vs Houston Blast-Off

118-81 (W)

LeBron James, this household name, draws first blood! A pull-up jumper to start!

Wally West with the tough buzzer beater through contact! This guy nobody was talking about won't be denied!

Wally West delivers in transition! Fast delivery, like a superhero with their bare hands!

King Von finishes the fast break! Sprinting like a rapper who's running late!

King Von defends the post! Sturdy as a rapper braced for impact!

Back to the locker room. Wally West's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Little scoop: Wally West logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.

Michael Jordan, this tree of a man, overpowers for a pull-up jumper! Size matters!

Michael Jordan, this absolute legend, still going full throttle! No mercy tonight!

Goku asks the scorer's table for the score! This jersey-selling name forgot!

Goku celebrates with a hug with the coach! Mimicking cultivating the stubborn soil on the court!

Goku tips their hat! The farmer salute! Pure class!

King Von does the floss while Goku spins like a top. LeBron James just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'

Matchday 10vs Denver Horse-Track

100-102 (L)

Michael Jordan, this hall-of-fame lock, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!

Michael Jordan with another scoop layup! You can't stop this man!

This diamond in the rough Wally West picks up the cheap foul! Hot head showing!

Goku, this combo guard, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this established star!

Wally West ignites immense pressure! That superhero energy is contagious!

Break! Wally West takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Juicy anecdote: Wally West was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.

Wally West can't deliver! Even a superhero can't help in this the second quarter!

Wally West storms to the bench! This potential breakout star is visibly upset!

The narrative shifts! Michael Jordan takes control with an off-the-charts basketball IQ!

King Von can't convert the and-one! Spitting the fiery bars was the easier task!

Goku absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a farmer knows tough days!

Goku turns back to look at the court one last time. Michael Jordan doesn't turn around. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.

Matchday 11vs New York Over-Timers

123-84 (W)

Wally West, this solid build, takes the court! The Playoff atmosphere is electric!

Wally West with the crafty step-back three! Next-level basketball IQ on display!

This guy everybody knows Goku with the one-handed bullet pass! Right on the money!

Wally West rises up with the precision of a superhero at work. And it's a thunderous slam!

This potential GOAT LeBron James reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!

Coach calls everyone back. Michael Jordan drags his feet toward the tunnel. Confession: Michael Jordan tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.

King Von converts with authority! Same energy they bring to spitting the fiery bars!

King Von, this player making noise, wraps it up with a flourish! Total destruction!

Michael Jordan, this global icon, accidentally chest-bumps the ref! Excuse me sir!

LeBron James blows a kiss to the fans! Cool as you like, a bench mob celebration!

Final buzzer! King Von's rapper shift on the palace of hoops ends in triumph!

Goku and Michael Jordan lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'

Matchday 12vs Cleveland Twin-Towers

101-99 (W)

Wally West drives into position! This dude out of nowhere not wasting any time!

Wally West blankets the shooter! Covering them with their bare hands thoroughness!

Wally West launches an off-balance shot and... Airball! Defense that's basically a suggestion at its peak!

This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan is automatic at half court! A deep three drops again!

Wally West communicates the switch! Clear as a superhero's instructions!

Back in the locker room, Goku sits down and stares at the ceiling. Little secret: Goku listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?

Goku, this certified bucket, orchestrates the last possession! A devastating dunk! Perfection!

LeBron James, this mammoth, covers ground to get the rebound in traffic! Wow!

What a cathedral silence! Michael Jordan and the fans creating a spectacle!

Wally West, this smooth operator, comes through when called upon! In the dying seconds! Star!

This player nobody saw coming Wally West seals the deal! Victory with a gym-rat work ethic!

Michael Jordan, Wally West, and Goku pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.

Matchday 13vs Boston Ring-Chasers

93-97 (L)

King Von comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the rapper means business!

LeBron James catches fire! And it's a pull-up jumper! An unmatched feel for the game taking over!

Wally West caught flat-footed! Standing still, the superhero reflexes took a nap!

Michael Jordan, this absolute unit, can't finish under the basket! That one stings!

This guy with a proven track record King Von with the three-point play! Comeback special back to the basket!

Both teams head to the locker room. Michael Jordan wipes his forehead with his jersey. Juicy anecdote: Michael Jordan was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.

This reliable star Goku fouls in the clutch! Hot head showing late!

King Von drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a rapper's spirit has limits!

This franchise cornerstone LeBron James refuses to lose! The will of a champion!

Goku gets blocked at late in the quarter! Rejected harder than the stubborn soil proposals!

Goku leaves the field house quietly! Quiet as a farmer after the stubborn soil setback!

Michael Jordan rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Wally West picks up his own and folds it carefully. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.

Matchday 14vs San Antonio Skyscrapers

97-102 (L)

Goku sets the tone early! The farmer came to play tonight!

King Von misses the layup! Even the fiery bars would have gone in easier!

This max-contract guy Goku with turnover number buckets! Lack of consistency is piling up!

Michael Jordan gambles for the steal and pays the price! Hot head!

King Von hits nothing but net! Pure as a rapper's work with their hot mic!

First half is done. King Von is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Anecdote: King Von threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.

Goku sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a farmer after a long shift!

King Von misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their hot mic at the fiery bars!

LeBron James pulls up into the right spacing! That dawg mentality and elite court awareness!

LeBron James, this tower, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!

Michael Jordan dribbles past the media. This first-ballot legend not in the mood to talk.

Michael Jordan snaps at the bench on his way out. Goku says nothing, but his look says everything. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.

Matchday 15vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest

94-114 (L)

Michael Jordan, this tower, sets the tone immediately! Unreal swagger from the jump!

That one wasn't even close, King Von! Stick to spitting the fiery bars!

King Von with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the fiery bars!

LeBron James, this 7-footer, gets dunked on in the paint! Poster material!

King Von turns the perimeter into a workshop. A buzzer-beater crafted with their hot mic!

Off to the locker room. King Von has already drained two water bottles. Rumor has it King Von does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.

Wally West picks up the second technical! This diamond in the rough ejected! Occasional mental lapses!

Michael Jordan gets a clean look but limited stamina costs the bucket!

Michael Jordan, this hall-of-fame lock, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a hook shot!

Goku, this all-around player, looks exhausted in transition! The legs are gone!

LeBron James, this 7-footer, hangs the head. Tough loss despite insane court vision effort.

King Von watches the crowd file out in silence. Michael Jordan prefers not to look. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'

Austin Dih ends the season #6 with a 11W-4L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.

🏀
#6
Rank
11W-4L
Record
+239
+/-
395
Team Score
84.7M$
Salary
LeBron James
MVP

Season Journal

Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... Austin Dih!

There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.

The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless.

The chef's surprise of the evening is Goku. A farmer by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle stubborn soil with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.

The budget is starting to look serious. We're no longer in the cheap seats, they've finally got a payroll that lets them look other franchises in the eye. The roster is balanced, there's talent at every position, and the bench isn't a cosmic void anymore. But they're dancing right on the luxury tax line, so every signing is an apothecary's calculation. A blockbuster trade? Possible, but something's gotta give. It's chess, and the GM is a pretty damn good player.

🏆

Austin Dih ends the season #6 with a 11W-4L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.

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