My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 8 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Michael Jordan. Standing at 198 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Superman. The man. Is. A journalist. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A journalist. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their press badge and apparently, the technical motion of a journalist and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. The budget? Astronomical. The owner said "let's go" and signed the check without even looking at the number. We're deep into the luxury tax, every dollar over the threshold costs triple, and the accountant has nightmares every single night. But when you've got two superstars, a fifteen-man roster where the weakest link would start elsewhere, and a coaching staff paid in gold, you don't give a damn about the bill. It's championship or bust, and they've chosen their side.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
85-130 (L)
Michael Jordan explodes into position! This certified GOAT candidate not wasting any time!
Michael Jordan rises up but the shot rims out! Tendency to rush rears its ugly head!
This basketball god Magic Johnson with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Michael Jordan, this walking skyscraper, gets dunked on from the left corner! Poster material!
Michael Jordan spins and kicks the stanchion! This franchise cornerstone losing composure!
Players head to the locker room. Superman has tape on three fingers. Fun fact: Superman tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Superman can't finish! The journalist who finishes the hidden scandal can't finish the play!
Michael Jordan is cramping up! This living legend trying to shake it off! Lack of consistency!
Kobe Bryant dribbles the pill right to the defense! Costly mistake by this generational talent!
Kobe Bryant glares at the scoreboard! This first-ballot legend not happy with the situation!
Kobe Bryant dunks past the media. This global icon not in the mood to talk.
Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
109-96 (W)
Magic Johnson, this first-ballot legend, embraces the wild stands! Game on!
Magic Johnson knocks down a layup at the buzzer! Ice in the veins!
Superman, this all-around player, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a charge taken!
Godzilla lets fly and dishes! Gorgeous feed at the top of the key! Insane court vision!
Michael Jordan, this towering presence, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Finally a breather. Michael Jordan has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Fun fact: Michael Jordan failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Magic Johnson goes to work the leather with insane court vision. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Kobe Bryant, this mammoth, basks in a cathedral silence! This is home!
Kobe Bryant celebrates the team's success! This all-time great knows together is better!
This game belongs to Godzilla! This jersey-selling name stamping authority facing the rim!
Godzilla hugs the coach! This world-class player with a complete performance!
Superman and Godzilla chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
117-97 (W)
Michael Jordan looks dialed in from the start! Pure God-given talent preparation showing!
Magic Johnson, this towering presence, rises above and hammers a buzzer-beater!
Godzilla slides to the passing lane and steals it! Insane court vision!
Kobe Bryant reads the defense like a book! Assist at the top of the key! That dawg mentality!
This household name Kobe Bryant calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Break! Michael Jordan heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. They say Michael Jordan eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
A finger roll from downtown by Michael Jordan! This big fella with the long range!
The road crowd tries to rally but Michael Jordan silences them! A boiling cauldron!
Michael Jordan, this towering presence, holds the team together with freakish explosiveness! Captain!
The legend of Michael Jordan grows! This basketball god adding another chapter driving to the hoop!
This max-contract guy Godzilla is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Godzilla and Superman act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
105-116 (L)
Magic Johnson fires up the crowd to open the game! This global icon starting strong!
This basketball god Magic Johnson short-arms a half-court heave from the left corner! Not enough lift!
Kobe Bryant coughs up the pill! Heavy feet strikes again from the left corner!
Kobe Bryant gets screened out of the play! This once-in-a-lifetime player lost in traffic!
Michael Jordan catches fire! And it's a layup! Insane court vision taking over!
Halftime! Superman checks his stats on the board and winces. Intel: Superman refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Superman looks to the heavens! A journalist praying for their press badge to work!
A two-handed slam attempt by Superman falls short! Sometimes predictable game in the legs!
Superman sets the screen at the perfect angle! This potential GOAT cerebral play!
This basketball god Magic Johnson has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Kobe Bryant, this first-ballot legend, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Michael Jordan hurls his water bottle at the wall. Magic Johnson flinches but doesn't react. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
118-83 (W)
Godzilla, this top-tier talent, draws first blood! A hook shot to start!
Superman knocks it down! Solid as a journalist with their press badge in hand!
Superman, this all-time great, draws the double and finds the open shooter! Freakish explosiveness!
Superman with a pull-up jumper off the screen! Read that play like a textbook!
This absolute legend Magic Johnson forces the air ball with pressure! Suffocating!
Halftime. Michael Jordan is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Did you know Michael Jordan once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Michael Jordan, this generational talent, drops a hook shot driving to the hoop! Pure artistry!
This multi-time All-Star Godzilla puts the exclamation point! An off-balance shot from downtown!
Magic Johnson lets fly and the orange goes into the stands! Free souvenir!
Michael Jordan, this living legend, with the signature finger to the lips to hush the crowd! The fans love it!
That's the game! Magic Johnson finishes with a monster performance! This household name victorious!
Superman throws chalk powder like LeBron. Magic Johnson coughs for two minutes straight. Tonight I learned Superman used to be a journalist before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
98-110 (L)
And we're underway! Michael Jordan touches the rock first! This once-in-a-lifetime player looks eager!
Magic Johnson launches a buzzer-beater and... Airball! Injury-prone body at its peak!
Michael Jordan with the lazy pass! Defense that's basically a suggestion leading to easy points!
Michael Jordan gets caught flat-footed! This undisputed superstar beaten to the spot!
A two-handed slam by Magic Johnson! The crowd erupts! A gym-rat work ethic personified!
Into the tunnel. Magic Johnson grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Confession: Magic Johnson believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Magic Johnson slams the ball in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!
Superman shanks it from the right wing! Exposing the hidden scandal uses different muscles!
Superman, this tweener, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! An unmatched feel for the game!
Superman is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure journalist stubbornness!
Kobe Bryant launches to the tunnel in disappointment. This certified GOAT candidate will learn from this.
Kobe Bryant's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Michael Jordan breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. I learned backstage that Michael Jordan also does journalist on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
116-93 (W)
Tip-off! Kobe Bryant gets us started! Let's go!
Kobe Bryant, this hall-of-fame lock, knifes through for a two-handed slam in transition! Wow!
This franchise cornerstone Kobe Bryant reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Michael Jordan, this absolute legend, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a free throw!
Kobe Bryant pushes the pace in transition! Pure God-given talent showing in every play!
The locker room. Magic Johnson sprawls out full-length on the bench. Intel: Magic Johnson once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Kobe Bryant pulls up past the defense for a thunderous slam! Size advantage from this this tower!
Superman throws the captain armband to the crowd! Better than throwing the hidden scandal!
Magic Johnson, this giant, repositions on defense! Iron discipline collective effort!
This household name Magic Johnson is living their best moment right now from mid-range!
This global icon Kobe Bryant led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Godzilla and Kobe Bryant swing Superman around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
127-98 (W)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Kobe Bryant gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Magic Johnson scores with night-in night-out consistency. A finger roll along the baseline! Too smooth!
Godzilla, this swiss-army-knife type, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by unreal swagger!
Michael Jordan with the transition assist! This once-in-a-lifetime player pushing the pace with an unmatched feel for the game!
Michael Jordan reads the defense perfectly! A gym-rat work ethic and a sky-high basketball IQ!
That's a wrap for now. Michael Jordan dives into the tunnel. Little scoop: Michael Jordan collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Kobe Bryant fires away to the rack for a reverse layup! Can't contain this 7-footer!
Listen to that roar! Superman goes to work and the place explodes!
Kobe Bryant finds the open teammate! This undisputed superstar making everyone better!
This will be talked about for years! Godzilla with a euro-step! Iconic!
Superman posts career numbers! Numbers bigger than the hidden scandal inventory!
Magic Johnson and Superman leap onto each other like kids. Michael Jordan comes sprinting in and crushes them both. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
112-101 (W)
This living legend Michael Jordan means business! Fast start from mid-range!
This household name Kobe Bryant finishes with authority! A sky hook in the paint!
Kobe Bryant anticipates the cut and deflects the damn ball! This generational talent reading minds!
Kobe Bryant, this living legend, manipulates the defense and drops the dime! Scary good handles!
This guy with rings on every finger Superman recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Time to breathe. Magic Johnson has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Locker room intel: Magic Johnson has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Godzilla converts a tough bank shot from mid-range! Skill level: elite!
The crowd chants Superman's name! A Finals-like atmosphere for the journalist with their press badge!
This living legend Superman celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
The arc of this game bends toward Kobe Bryant! This undisputed superstar controlling destiny!
Superman puts a bow on it! Clean finish, just like a journalist wrapping up the job!
Magic Johnson makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Superman makes a bigger heart. Godzilla makes a massive heart. Tonight I learned Magic Johnson used to be a journalist before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
97-118 (L)
Superman, this smooth operator, takes the court! The cathedral silence is electric!
Magic Johnson, this mammoth, can't finish at the buzzer! That one stings!
Superman trips up in the left wing! A journalist never trips at work... Right?
Magic Johnson overcommits and gets beat! Sometimes predictable game when reading the play!
Magic Johnson, this mountain of a man, uses strength and skill for a half-court heave! Complete player!
Rest. Magic Johnson buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Fun fact: Magic Johnson tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Superman buries their face! Hidden from view, the journalist can't watch!
This generational talent Michael Jordan puts up a bank shot but it won't fall! Off night!
Michael Jordan makes the hockey pass! Insane court vision finding the extra pass!
Magic Johnson, this mammoth, laboring up and down! Hot head draining the energy!
Kobe Bryant sits alone on the bench. This global icon processing the defeat.
Magic Johnson avoids the cameras like the plague. Godzilla gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
117-106 (W)
This hall-of-fame lock Kobe Bryant catches the rock early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Michael Jordan fires away and it's a half-court heave! This living legend proving the doubters wrong!
Superman makes the stop! Stopping power of a journalist in full force!
Magic Johnson with the no-look pass! This franchise cornerstone has eyes in the back of the head!
Superman communicates the switch! Clear as a journalist's instructions!
Rest time. Superman isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Rumor has it Superman has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Michael Jordan lets fly the ball with flair and hits an off-balance shot! Sensational!
Kobe Bryant, this once-in-a-lifetime player, waves the crowd up! An incredible energy rising!
Magic Johnson drives the outlet to the young player! This certified GOAT candidate building the future!
Remember this moment! Magic Johnson is making history with a layup!
Superman hangs up the shorts! Calling it a night, the journalist is done!
Superman and Godzilla freestyle a victory rap. Magic Johnson does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. Evening confession: I'm wearing Superman's jersey under my shirt. For morale. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
97-98 (L)
Game time! Magic Johnson and this certified GOAT candidate ready to put on a show at the floor!
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, muscles in for a pull-up jumper! Pure power!
Godzilla, this combo guard, gets exploited in the switch! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed in the mismatch!
Magic Johnson fires a thunderous slam at the top of the key but can't connect! Occasional mental lapses showing!
Godzilla, this certified bucket, makes the huge stop! Defense fueling the comeback!
Break! Michael Jordan heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Did you know Michael Jordan once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Godzilla, this combo guard, gets blocked in the clutch! A surgical steal denies this certified bucket!
Magic Johnson storms to the bench! This global icon is visibly upset!
Win or lose, Michael Jordan has earned respect tonight! This basketball god warrior spirit!
Michael Jordan pulls up into a dead end! Limited stamina in late-game situations!
Michael Jordan walks off in silence. This all-time great gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Superman's eyes are glassy. Magic Johnson mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. I learned backstage that Magic Johnson also does journalist on weekends. That explains those reflexes. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
85-126 (L)
Superman steps onto the den! From exposing the hidden scandal to this, game time!
Magic Johnson can't buy a bucket! Another miss off the pick and roll! Frustrating!
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Superman gets burned on the switch! Hotter than a journalist's worst day on the job!
Michael Jordan mutters to himself walking back! This generational talent fighting inner demons!
Break. Michael Jordan collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Little secret: Michael Jordan listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Magic Johnson forces a bad two-handed slam! This undisputed superstar needs to trust teammates!
Kobe Bryant, this tower, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
This global icon Kobe Bryant with turnover number lengths ahead! Limited stamina is piling up!
Kobe Bryant, this beanpole, waves off the play call! Injury-prone body hurting the team!
Magic Johnson, this absolute legend, takes the loss hard. Hot head at the wrong moments.
Superman bites his lip, fists clenched. Michael Jordan shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
82-116 (L)
Kobe Bryant fades away onto the floor! The crowd roars for this basketball god!
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan muscles up a catch-and-shoot triple but can't get it to fall!
Magic Johnson, this big fella, gets the ball poked away! Lack of consistency when protecting the ball!
Godzilla, this versatile guy, lets the shooter get free facing the rim! Costly lapse!
Superman argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to exposing the hidden scandal!
Halftime. Godzilla's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Anecdote: Godzilla slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Superman goes 0 for the quarter! A journalist having a rough shift with their press badge!
Superman cramps up! Muscles tight from their press badge and the Spalding double duty!
Superman forces the pass! Forcing their press badge where it doesn't fit!
Magic Johnson, this first-ballot legend, barks at the teammate! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!
This top-tier talent Godzilla shakes hands and moves on. In the end, heavy feet proved costly.
Magic Johnson and Kobe Bryant walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. I learned backstage that Kobe Bryant also does journalist on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
77-121 (L)
Michael Jordan, this colossus, is introduced and the arena explodes! This certified GOAT candidate is in the building!
Magic Johnson, this oversized freak, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this household name!
Kobe Bryant dribbles carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Magic Johnson, this tree of a man, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over heavy feet!
Michael Jordan, this towering presence, sits down hard on the bench! Tendency to rush written all over his face!
Halftime! Godzilla has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. I've been told Godzilla always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Godzilla clanks another one off the rim! This headliner needs to find rhythm!
Michael Jordan is gassed! This franchise cornerstone bent over at half court! Defense that's basically a suggestion catching up!
Godzilla, this combo guard, gets stripped at half court! Ego the size of Texas exposed!
Michael Jordan picks up the second technical! This absolute legend ejected! Tendency to force bad shots!
Superman walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to journalist life tomorrow!
Michael Jordan walks toward the tunnel without a word. Superman stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. I learned that Michael Jordan's father was a journalist. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
My Team ends the season #8 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Michael Jordan.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Michael Jordan. Standing at 198 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Superman. The man. Is. A journalist. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A journalist. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their press badge and apparently, the technical motion of a journalist and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
The budget? Astronomical. The owner said "let's go" and signed the check without even looking at the number. We're deep into the luxury tax, every dollar over the threshold costs triple, and the accountant has nightmares every single night. But when you've got two superstars, a fifteen-man roster where the weakest link would start elsewhere, and a coaching staff paid in gold, you don't give a damn about the bill. It's championship or bust, and they've chosen their side.
My Team ends the season #8 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Michael Jordan.
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