JTS TEAM — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Phoenix No-Defense | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | JTS TEAM | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. Ladies and gentlemen... JTS TEAM! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Bronny James. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 187 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. The chef's surprise of the evening is Warren Buffett. An investor by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the next venture with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. The budget is fine, nothing more. This is the team that shops with a list and puts back the name-brand cereal for the store brand. They've got a serviceable roster, a guy or two who can drop 20 on a good night, but beyond that, it's filler. The coach works with what he's got, which ain't much, but he makes it work. This is the team that can beat anyone on a Tuesday night and get demolished on Friday. The textbook definition of "depends on the night."
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
75-119 (L)
Stormtrooper takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Bronny James with the off-balance catch-and-shoot triple! This hooper's hooper couldn't set the feet!
Mohamed Bamba coughs up the pill! Defense that's basically a suggestion strikes again under the basket!
Stormtrooper gets burned on the drive! Tendency to rush in lateral movement!
Bronny James steps back angrily after the turnover! This dude putting the league on notice spiraling!
Halftime! Warren Buffett has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Rumor has it Warren Buffett does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Bronny James forces a sky hook in the paint! This well-respected player trying too hard!
Stormtrooper is visibly tired! This name that's buzzing needs a timeout badly!
This surprise package Mohamed Bamba forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Jelly Roll argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to spitting the fiery bars!
Jelly Roll leaves the gym with dignity! The dignity of a rapper with their hot mic!
Mohamed Bamba turns back to look at the court one last time. Warren Buffett doesn't turn around. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
83-128 (L)
And we're underway! Bronny James touches the damn ball first! This hooper's hooper looks eager!
Warren Buffett crosses over but the shot rims out! Limited stamina rears its ugly head!
Bronny James, this combo guard, fumbles the entry pass in transition!
Jelly Roll can't contain the drive! Spitting the fiery bars is more containable!
This franchise cornerstone Warren Buffett stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Players head to the locker room. Warren Buffett has tape on three fingers. Did you know? Warren Buffett launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Bronny James fires a sky hook back to the basket but can't connect! Heavy feet showing!
This rising star Mohamed Bamba signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Injury-prone body!
Bronny James with the backcourt violation! This respected competitor under too much pressure!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Warren Buffett shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
This hungry young player Jelly Roll tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Warren Buffett claps his hands in frustration. Mohamed Bamba clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
78-114 (L)
Warren Buffett dunks with energy from the opening whistle! This generational talent locked in!
Warren Buffett launches from deep and misses! An investor's range doesn't apply here!
This surprise package Mohamed Bamba gets pickpocketed from downtown! Sloppy handling!
Stormtrooper overcommits and gets beat! Lack of consistency when reading the play!
Stormtrooper goes to work and kicks the stanchion! This hooper's hooper losing composure!
The locker room. Stormtrooper sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know? Stormtrooper tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Mohamed Bamba, this small but mighty player, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this total unknown!
Warren Buffett crosses over but the legs won't cooperate! Sometimes predictable game catching up!
Mohamed Bamba, this little guy, gets stripped in transition! Limited stamina exposed!
Mohamed Bamba, this newcomer, yells at the coaching staff! Sometimes predictable game causing friction!
Warren Buffett sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like an investor after their portfolio ledger broke!
Warren Buffett shakes stormtrooper's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
80-114 (L)
Jelly Roll checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
This seasoned vet stormtrooper misfires again! Occasional mental lapses could cost the team!
Jelly Roll, this tweener, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted back to the basket!
This established player Bronny James fouls reaching in! Hot head on defense!
This hidden prospect Mohamed Bamba throws an elbow in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Halftime whistle! Mohamed Bamba slides down against the hallway wall. Word is Mohamed Bamba sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
An and-one by Bronny James from way beyond the arc is way off! Tough night for this respected competitor!
Jelly Roll is gassed! This hidden prospect bent over at half court! Defense that's basically a suggestion catching up!
This solid pro Bronny James dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Mohamed Bamba, this short king, throws the hands up! Exasperated under the basket!
Jelly Roll hangs their head! A rapper who gave everything they had!
Stormtrooper mutters 'damn' under his breath. Mohamed Bamba says 'yeah' in the same tone. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
88-133 (L)
Stormtrooper, this solid build, announced to huge cheers! A Playoff atmosphere!
Jelly Roll misses the bunny! A rapper dropping the fiery bars from point-blank!
Stormtrooper, this smooth operator, steps out of bounds with the Wilson! Mental lapse!
This player nobody saw coming Jelly Roll can't recover! Scored on facing the rim! Ego the size of Texas!
Warren Buffett throws their hands up! Like an investor when their portfolio ledger breaks!
Halftime whistle! Warren Buffett slides down against the hallway wall. Bus driver's confession: Warren Buffett raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Mohamed Bamba misfires back to the basket! Even this hidden prospect has off nights!
Warren Buffett tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like an investor's energy for the next venture!
Jelly Roll gets the ball stripped! The fiery bars would have stayed in a rapper's grip!
Mohamed Bamba slams the basketball in frustration! Injury-prone body on full display!
Mohamed Bamba, this player nobody saw coming, takes the loss hard. Heavy feet at the wrong moments.
Warren Buffett walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Mohamed Bamba speeds up. Wants it to be over. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
85-116 (L)
Jelly Roll starts in the elite shooter! Playing the elite shooter the way a rapper plays with their hot mic!
Warren Buffett misses! Even an investor can't fix that shot!
Stormtrooper throws it away! Sometimes predictable game under pressure from downtown!
Bronny James, this versatile guy, can't keep up with the speed! Sometimes predictable game exposed!
Mohamed Bamba, this dude out of nowhere, barks at the teammate! Sometimes predictable game taking over!
Halftime! Jelly Roll has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Little scoop: Jelly Roll tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Warren Buffett can't find the range! Their portfolio ledger has better accuracy than that!
Jelly Roll grabs the shorts! This diamond in the rough is running on fumes!
Warren Buffett double-dribbles! Bankrolling the next venture doesn't have that rule!
Stormtrooper mutters to himself walking back! This established player fighting inner demons!
This respected competitor stormtrooper congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this respected competitor.
Mohamed Bamba sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Warren Buffett has his head in his hands. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
86-131 (L)
Bronny James opens with a pull-up jumper! This guy with a proven track record making an early statement!
Bronny James can't buy a bucket! Another miss from mid-range! Frustrating!
Mohamed Bamba charges right into the defender! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion when controlling pace!
Warren Buffett gets burned on the switch! Hotter than an investor's worst day on the job!
Warren Buffett slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than an investor hits the workbench!
Halftime whistle. Stormtrooper has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Little scoop: stormtrooper logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Warren Buffett misses the layup! Even the next venture would have gone in easier!
This raw talent Mohamed Bamba has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Stormtrooper tries to be too fancy and loses the damn ball! Ego the size of Texas in the decision-making!
Warren Buffett waves off the play! The authority of an investor in that gesture!
Jelly Roll shakes hands through the pain! A rapper who respects their hot mic and the game!
Bronny James sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Jelly Roll has his head in his hands. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
82-126 (L)
Bronny James fires up the crowd to open the game! This next-level player starting strong!
This well-respected player Bronny James whiffs on a double-clutch layup! The crowd groans!
Bronny James launches into a dead end in the paint! Turnover! Heavy feet!
Warren Buffett gets blown by! Even an investor couldn't stop that!
Warren Buffett shakes their head! An investor who can't believe that just happened!
Break! Stormtrooper has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Juicy anecdote: stormtrooper was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Warren Buffett clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their portfolio ledger hitting the next venture!
Warren Buffett is gassed! More tired than after a full day of bankrolling the next venture!
Jelly Roll throws it away! A pass worse than a rapper tossing the fiery bars!
This player making noise stormtrooper can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Mohamed Bamba, this who-is-this-guy player, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Mohamed Bamba unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Stormtrooper runs a hand down his face. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
85-129 (L)
Warren Buffett huddles with the team! Huddling up, the investor strategizes!
Stormtrooper fades away the damn ball into nothing! Heavy feet on full display tonight!
Jelly Roll dribbles it off their foot! Their hot mic would never betray a rapper like that!
Mohamed Bamba turns the head and loses the man! This hungry young player napping defensively!
Jelly Roll drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a rapper's spirit has limits!
End of the first half. Stormtrooper is beet red but still standing. They say stormtrooper eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Warren Buffett clanks another one off the rim! This hall-of-fame lock needs to find rhythm!
Stormtrooper, this seasoned vet, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Bronny James with the lazy pass! Heavy feet leading to easy points!
Jelly Roll goes to work the towel! This newcomer showing limited stamina!
Mohamed Bamba walks off in silence. This unknown gem gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Bronny James refuses Houston Blast-Off's handshake. Stormtrooper offers a limp one with just his fingertips. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
86-131 (L)
This next-level player Bronny James means business! Fast start from the left corner!
Warren Buffett, this smooth operator, gets stuffed trying a sky hook! Denied!
This dude putting the league on notice stormtrooper with turnover number points! Hot head is piling up!
Mohamed Bamba, this undersized spark plug, gets blown by on the perimeter! Ego the size of Texas in the legs!
This hooper's hooper stormtrooper hangs the head after the miss! Deflated in the paint!
Players head to the locker room. Jelly Roll has tape on three fingers. Did you know Jelly Roll keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Warren Buffett, this franchise cornerstone, comes up empty! A devastating dunk off target in the paint!
Stormtrooper crosses over a step slower than usual! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the tank!
This potential breakout star Mohamed Bamba with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Warren Buffett vents at their teammates! The investor who vents about the next venture!
Warren Buffett leaves the gym quietly! Quiet as an investor after the next venture setback!
Jelly Roll walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Warren Buffett speeds up. Wants it to be over. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
83-126 (L)
Warren Buffett wins the opening tip! Tipping off with investor energy!
Stormtrooper, this do-it-all player, wastes a golden chance with a wild catch-and-shoot triple!
Jelly Roll loses the pill! A rapper would never be this careless!
This dude putting the league on notice stormtrooper misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Jelly Roll storms to the bench! This guy nobody was talking about is visibly upset!
Intermission. Jelly Roll dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Did you know Jelly Roll knits to unwind? Made a scarf in New York Over-Timers's colors. By accident, obviously. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
A free throw attempt by stormtrooper falls short! Lack of consistency in the legs!
Jelly Roll gets the cramp timeout! Cramping from spitting the fiery bars and hooping!
Intercepted! Jelly Roll's pass snatched right out of the air! A rapper would never be that careless!
Mohamed Bamba gets a technical for complaining! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Stormtrooper, this smooth operator, trudges off the field house. Lessons to take from this one.
Warren Buffett refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Bronny James watches it and immediately regrets it. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
74-118 (L)
Mohamed Bamba steps back onto the floor! The crowd roars for this dude out of nowhere!
Bronny James penetrates the damn ball but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Jelly Roll botches the handoff! Even their hot mic exchanges go smoother!
Warren Buffett, this versatile guy, lets the shooter get free along the baseline! Costly lapse!
Mohamed Bamba, this pocket rocket, waves off the play call! Tendency to force bad shots hurting the team!
Break! Jelly Roll heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Did you know Jelly Roll started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Warren Buffett with the contested half-court heave under the basket! No good! Bad selection!
Jelly Roll plays through exhaustion! The endurance of spitting the fiery bars daily!
Bronny James dishes the Spalding right to the defense! Costly mistake by this seasoned vet!
Stormtrooper, this seasoned vet, refuses to high-five! Heavy feet hurting the chemistry!
Jelly Roll rises up to the tunnel in disappointment. This hidden prospect will learn from this.
Jelly Roll watches the crowd file out in silence. Warren Buffett prefers not to look. Did you know that Warren Buffett practices volunteer firefighter on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
76-121 (L)
Warren Buffett comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the investor means business!
Air ball from Warren Buffett! Being an investor doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
This up-and-coming baller Bronny James loses concentration and the damn ball with it!
Bronny James scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Occasional mental lapses!
This up-and-coming baller stormtrooper gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
End of the first act. Mohamed Bamba is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Anecdote: Mohamed Bamba threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
This guy with a proven track record stormtrooper misses the mark! An and-one goes begging off the pick and roll!
This who-is-this-guy player Jelly Roll can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Mohamed Bamba, this lightning-quick little man, gets the ball poked away! Ego the size of Texas when protecting the Spalding!
Jelly Roll, this solid build, sits down hard on the bench! Hot head written all over his face!
Mohamed Bamba attacks past the media. This newcomer not in the mood to talk.
Jelly Roll's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Warren Buffett breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
86-130 (L)
Tip-off! Bronny James gets us started! Let's go!
Bronny James with a wild attempt! This guy with a proven track record not finding the range tonight!
Stormtrooper, this do-it-all player, commits the travel! Tendency to force bad shots in the footwork!
Warren Buffett caught flat-footed! Standing still, the investor reflexes took a nap!
Stormtrooper, this combo guard, pounds the scorer's table! Injury-prone body on full display!
First half is done. Stormtrooper is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Anecdote: stormtrooper once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Jelly Roll whiffs on the jumper! A rapper off their game with their hot mic!
Mohamed Bamba, this newcomer, is dragging! The 48 regulation minutes minutes taking their toll!
Stormtrooper penetrates into a trap! Hot head when reading the defense!
Bronny James glares at the scoreboard! This guy with a proven track record not happy with the situation!
Mohamed Bamba, this low-to-the-ground speedster, hangs the head. Tough loss despite iron discipline effort.
Warren Buffett's lip is trembling. Bronny James dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
75-119 (L)
The game begins and Warren Buffett is ready! You can see ridiculous creativity written all over his face!
A pull-up jumper from stormtrooper sails wide! This next-level player needs to regroup!
Bronny James passes to nobody! This well-respected player with a head-scratching decision!
This next-level player Bronny James gives up the offensive rebound! Sometimes predictable game when boxing out!
This newcomer Mohamed Bamba fouls hard out of frustration! Limited stamina showing!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Mohamed Bamba to massage his thighs. Did you know? Mohamed Bamba once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Stormtrooper rushes a two-handed slam driving to the hoop! Hot head creeping in!
Bronny James bends over during the dead ball! This solid pro gathering what's left!
This respected competitor stormtrooper commits the 5-second violation! Clock management tendency to rush!
Jelly Roll sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a rapper after a long shift!
This hidden prospect Mohamed Bamba leaves the arena with head held high. Fought to the end.
Mohamed Bamba refuses the coach's embrace. Stormtrooper accepts it but his body is stiff. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
JTS TEAM finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Bronny James.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. Ladies and gentlemen... JTS TEAM!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Bronny James. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 187 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.
The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins.
The chef's surprise of the evening is Warren Buffett. An investor by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the next venture with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.
The budget is fine, nothing more. This is the team that shops with a list and puts back the name-brand cereal for the store brand. They've got a serviceable roster, a guy or two who can drop 20 on a good night, but beyond that, it's filler. The coach works with what he's got, which ain't much, but he makes it work. This is the team that can beat anyone on a Tuesday night and get demolished on Friday. The textbook definition of "depends on the night."
JTS TEAM finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Bronny James.
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