My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Iron Man is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 6 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed NLE Choppa, his brother-in-law and a rapper by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying their hot mic and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if NLE Choppa can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the fiery bars to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
88-133 (L)
Starzach, this combo guard, takes the court! The wild stands is electric!
Jesus Christ clanks another one off the rim! This franchise cornerstone needs to find rhythm!
Jesus Christ, this do-it-all player, fumbles the entry pass facing the rim!
NLE Choppa gets blown by! Even a rapper couldn't stop that!
Jesus Christ tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the messiah will bounce back!
Off to the locker room. Iron Man has already drained two water bottles. I've been told Iron Man once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Iron Man misses at with seconds left on the clock! A superhero dropping the game at the worst time!
NLE Choppa is dead on their feet! Running on fumes, the rapper is spent!
This solid pro Starzach gets pickpocketed from way beyond the arc! Sloppy handling!
Venom slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a vigilante hits the workbench!
NLE Choppa fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the rapper gave everything!
Jesus Christ pulls his cap down over his eyes. Starzach doesn't have a cap, and it shows. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
89-106 (L)
Iron Man starts in the floor general! Playing the floor general the way a superhero plays with their bare hands!
Venom, this player nobody saw coming, pulls the trigger driving to the hoop but no luck!
Venom with the backcourt violation! This hungry young player under too much pressure!
NLE Choppa gambles for the steal and pays the price! Shaky emotions under pressure!
NLE Choppa buries it! Spitting the fiery bars all week, burying shots all weekend!
Halftime. Venom's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Locker room anecdote: Venom talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Venom throws their hands up! Like a vigilante when their rough justice breaks!
Iron Man gets blocked! Rejected harder than a superhero's worst day on the job!
NLE Choppa outsmarts the opponent! The brains of a rapper with their hot mic!
Venom slows down visibly! Slower than their rough justice on low power!
NLE Choppa takes the loss hard! Hard as the fiery bars on a bad rapper day!
Venom replays the score in his head on a loop. Starzach tries to think about something else. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
104-121 (L)
Iron Man huddles with the team! Huddling up, the superhero strategizes!
NLE Choppa denied by the basket! Even a rapper can't pry it open!
Starzach rises up the ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this solid pro!
This player making noise NLE Choppa picks up the cheap foul! Sometimes predictable game showing!
Iron Man converts with authority! Same energy they bring to competing the game!
Rest time. Iron Man isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Did you know? Iron Man tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Venom, this hidden prospect, barks at the teammate! Occasional mental lapses taking over!
This guy nobody was talking about Venom shanks a finger roll on the low block! That's uncharacteristic!
Starzach dribbles with purpose every possession! This seasoned vet chess master!
Starzach is visibly tired! This name that's buzzing needs a timeout badly!
Venom walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to vigilante life tomorrow!
Iron Man sits on the floor in the hallway. NLE Choppa sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. I learned backstage that NLE Choppa also does messiah on weekends. That explains those reflexes. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
103-104 (L)
Venom begins their shift on the venue! A vigilante starting the their rough justice shift!
Iron Man converts from mid-range! A superhero converting the game into gold!
Iron Man caught flat-footed! Standing still, the superhero reflexes took a nap!
Iron Man forces a bad buzzer-beater! This all-time great needs to trust teammates!
This dude putting the league on notice NLE Choppa ties the game! What a comeback! A gym-rat work ethic at its peak!
End of the second quarter. Starzach is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. They say Starzach eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Iron Man misses the game-tying shot! Even a superhero couldn't save that one!
Starzach drops the head after another miss! Sometimes predictable game sapping the confidence!
This legit talent NLE Choppa proves the critics wrong! A show of force vindication!
Venom fouls at the worst time! A vigilante tripping over the unpunished villain!
Iron Man vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their bare hands reinforced with the game!
Jesus Christ hurls his mouthguard into the trash. NLE Choppa keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
98-99 (L)
NLE Choppa launches with energy from the opening whistle! This established player locked in!
This guy with a proven track record NLE Choppa does it again! An alley-oop with effortless precision!
Iron Man watches helplessly! A superhero watching the game fall off the shelf!
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, gets stuffed trying a sky hook! Denied!
Starzach, this hooper's hooper, makes the huge stop! Defense fueling the comeback!
Intermission. Starzach dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Did you know Starzach keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Starzach misses the wide-open look in right from the tip-off! This player making noise will regret that!
NLE Choppa, this well-respected player, yells at the coaching staff! Sometimes predictable game causing friction!
Iron Man's superhero background shines through every play with the game!
NLE Choppa, this versatile guy, rattles out the free throw! Lack of consistency getting the best of this guy with a proven track record!
Iron Man walks off in defeat! Even a superhero's skills couldn't save tonight!
NLE Choppa and Starzach walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
108-99 (W)
Starzach takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
NLE Choppa nails a catch-and-shoot triple from deep! Range like their hot mic reaching across the workshop!
Starzach, this swiss-army-knife type, contests everything at the top of the key! Unreal swagger on full display!
Iron Man, this miniature missile, finds the trailer! A floater off the assist, easy money!
NLE Choppa overloads one side! Loading up with rapper strategy!
Halftime whistle! Venom slides down against the hallway wall. Fun fact: Venom got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Starzach buries a fadeaway jumper at half court! This hooper's hooper is on fire tonight!
The announcer calls Iron Man 'The superhero!' the gymnasium roars its approval!
Starzach celebrates the team's success! This dude putting the league on notice knows together is better!
From their rough justice shifts to the contest on the gymnasium,Venom does it all!
Venom lets fly in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Jesus Christ hits a dab in 2026. Iron Man does an ironic dab. Venom has no idea what that is. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
78-116 (L)
This hall-of-fame lock Jesus Christ gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Venom spins but overcooks it! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing up again!
NLE Choppa, this versatile guy, commits the travel! Injury-prone body in the footwork!
Starzach gets crossed over! This league veteran left frozen from mid-range!
Venom argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to hunting the unpunished villain!
Rest time. Iron Man isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. They say Iron Man has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
NLE Choppa, this combo guard, wastes a golden chance with a wild off-balance shot!
NLE Choppa grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their hot mic in the workshop!
NLE Choppa loses the leather! A rapper would never be this careless!
This respected competitor NLE Choppa shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, hangs the head. Tough loss despite insane court vision effort.
Iron Man refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Venom watches it and immediately regrets it. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
94-113 (L)
NLE Choppa looks dialed in from the start! Silky smooth technique preparation showing!
NLE Choppa with the off-balance catch-and-shoot triple! This hooper's hooper couldn't set the feet!
Starzach, this swiss-army-knife type, gets stripped from way beyond the arc! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed!
Iron Man gets screened out of the play! This franchise cornerstone lost in traffic!
Venom converts from mid-range! A reverse layup with trademark eyes in the back of the head!
The players head to the locker room. Iron Man is sweating like a racehorse. Did you know Iron Man entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Jesus Christ glares at the pill! Like it personally betrayed this messiah!
Iron Man misses! Even a superhero can't fix that shot!
Jesus Christ, this swiss-army-knife type, sets a brick-wall screen! A gym-rat work ethic on full display!
NLE Choppa is running on pure willpower! This up-and-coming baller refusing to quit!
Venom packs up and heads out! Packing their rough justice, unpacking emotions!
Iron Man is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Venom waits at the tunnel entrance. Behind the scenes, I learned Venom was also a messiah in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
102-121 (L)
NLE Choppa announces themselves! The rapper has arrived and the building knows it!
Venom with a rough buzzer beater at half court! Shaky emotions under pressure at the worst time!
Intercepted! Jesus Christ's pass snatched right out of the air! A messiah would never be that careless!
Jesus Christ turns the head and loses the man! This all-time great napping defensively!
NLE Choppa with freakish explosiveness finds the angle for a pull-up jumper!
Halftime. Starzach throws his towel on the floor walking in. Fun fact: Starzach tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Jesus Christ walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
An alley-oop from Iron Man goes in and out! Heartbreaking from the left corner!
Venom zones up! Defensive zone like a vigilante's the unpunished villain zone!
Iron Man can't get lift! Legs heavy as their bare hands after the allotted time!
Venom sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a vigilante after their rough justice broke!
Jesus Christ lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Iron Man holds his in. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
91-115 (L)
Venom steps onto the court! From hunting the unpunished villain to this, game time!
Iron Man misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their bare hands at the game!
NLE Choppa dishes into a trap! Heavy feet when reading the defense!
Jesus Christ loses their assignment! Like losing their bare hands in the workshop!
Jesus Christ with a hook shot on the break! Running like they're late for work!
End of the second quarter. NLE Choppa is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Juicy intel: NLE Choppa turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Iron Man kicks the air! The frustration of a superhero who knows they can do better!
Jesus Christ bricks another one! Building something awful with their bare hands tonight!
Jesus Christ shoots to the right spot! A gym-rat work ethic off-ball movement!
Starzach crosses over but the legs won't cooperate! Ego the size of Texas catching up!
NLE Choppa, this name that's buzzing, takes the loss hard. Tendency to rush at the wrong moments.
NLE Choppa stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Venom comes back to get him. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
92-108 (L)
Starzach posts up onto the floor! The crowd roars for this legit talent!
Brick! Jesus Christ misfires from the left corner! Tendency to force bad shots at the worst time!
Starzach, this smooth operator, steps out of bounds with the basketball! Mental lapse!
Venom can't stay in front! Hunting the unpunished villain doesn't build lateral quickness!
An and-one! Iron Man cannot be stopped tonight! This potential GOAT is locked in!
Finally a breather. NLE Choppa has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Little scoop: NLE Choppa tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Starzach drives the towel! This up-and-coming baller showing occasional mental lapses!
Jesus Christ shoots an air ball in a hostile crowd! A messiah lost in the noise!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Iron Man calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Venom is spent! Used up like the unpunished villain after a vigilante's long day!
Iron Man gave it everything! Everything a superhero has, left on the court!
Jesus Christ watches the crowd file out in silence. NLE Choppa prefers not to look. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
91-117 (L)
NLE Choppa, this combo guard, announced to huge cheers! An incredible energy!
Venom, this newcomer, with a contested hook shot that misses from the right corner!
Iron Man gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a superhero's grip!
NLE Choppa fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a rapper chasing the fiery bars!
NLE Choppa scores the go-ahead! A rapper who always finishes the job on time!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, NLE Choppa picks up the pace. Fun fact: NLE Choppa tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Iron Man can't hide the frustration! Their bare hands frustration meets the ball frustration!
This hall-of-fame lock Jesus Christ rattles it out! So close yet so far facing the rim!
Jesus Christ draws the double team! Attracting attention, the messiah is a magnet out there!
Starzach grabs the shorts! This solid pro is running on fumes!
This hooper's hooper Starzach congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this hooper's hooper.
Jesus Christ takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Iron Man doesn't drink. Throat too tight. I learned tonight that Jesus Christ used to be a messiah. That explains the unique running style. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
83-109 (L)
Iron Man checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
A pull-up jumper from Iron Man catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Venom charges right into the defender! Turnover! Lack of consistency when controlling pace!
Venom lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this newcomer fooled!
Venom scores a deep three in a roaring arena! Their rough justice vibes radiating across the court!
First half is done. Jesus Christ is chugging Gatorade like it's water. True story: Jesus Christ walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Boston Ring-Chasers. Awkward. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Jesus Christ mouths off on the decisive possession! A messiah venting about the game!
An off-balance shot attempt by NLE Choppa falls short! Hot head in the legs!
NLE Choppa sets the screen at the perfect angle! This up-and-coming baller cerebral play!
Starzach, this tweener, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
This potential breakout star Venom shakes hands and moves on. In the end, limited stamina proved costly.
NLE Choppa sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Venom has his head in his hands. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
79-124 (L)
Opening possession for Jesus Christ! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
Venom dishes the damn ball into the front rim! That's frustrating for this hungry young player!
NLE Choppa coughs it up! A rapper's grip doesn't work on the rock!
NLE Choppa gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the fiery bars behind their hot mic!
NLE Choppa mouths off and picks up a T! Occasional mental lapses taking over!
Back to the locker room. Venom's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Intel: Venom once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Venom can't buy a bucket! Another miss on the low block! Frustrating!
Jesus Christ gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like a messiah begging the game for mercy!
Venom throws it away! A pass worse than a vigilante tossing the unpunished villain!
Starzach mutters to himself walking back! This dude putting the league on notice fighting inner demons!
Venom tips the cap to the winners! The vigilante's grace with the unpunished villain!
Jesus Christ isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Venom tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
93-115 (L)
Jesus Christ comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the messiah means business!
Jesus Christ fires and misses from downtown. Should have stuck with the game!
Venom loses the rock in traffic! This hungry young player can't afford that!
Starzach bites on the pump fake! This respected competitor sent flying in the paint!
Venom, this combo guard, rises above and hammers a tear drop!
Heading in. NLE Choppa's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Little scoop: NLE Choppa tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
NLE Choppa waves off the play! The authority of a rapper in that gesture!
NLE Choppa with the contested layup on the low block! No good! Bad selection!
Jesus Christ creates the switch! Smooth adjustment, messiah-level thinking!
Jesus Christ struggles in the first half! The messiah hitting the wall with the game!
NLE Choppa dribbles to the tunnel in disappointment. This well-respected player will learn from this.
Venom lets out a big exhale walking through the door. NLE Choppa holds his in. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
My Team finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Iron Man.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!
Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Iron Man is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 6 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery.
But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed NLE Choppa, his brother-in-law and a rapper by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying their hot mic and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if NLE Choppa can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the fiery bars to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
My Team finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Iron Man.
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