My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Victor Wembanyama. Standing at 224 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Albert Einstein is on this team. Albert Einstein, who is an inventor and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with their prototype sketch under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. The budget here is absolutely insane, we're talking stratosphere money. This is Warriors and Suns territory. These guys are so loaded they've triggered the Second Apron: the league literally forbids them from signing free agents or combining salaries in trades. They have zero flexibility, handcuffed by their own damn wealth. It's "championship or crash and burn," no in-between.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
82-126 (L)
Albert Einstein takes the court to wild stands! The inventor with their prototype sketch is here!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this versatile guy, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Lack of consistency!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, gets called for the carry! Tendency to force bad shots in ball-handling!
This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry bites on the fake! Beaten from downtown!
Cristiano Ronaldo argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to scoring the winning goal!
Both teams head in. Albert Einstein has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Exclusive: Albert Einstein was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Victor Wembanyama forces up a step-back three over the defense! Tendency to force bad shots! Bad decision!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this combo guard, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Kobe Bryant coughs up the rock! Shaky emotions under pressure strikes again back to the basket!
Kobe Bryant, this colossus, waves off the play call! Heavy feet hurting the team!
Albert Einstein takes the loss hard! Hard as the status quo on a bad inventor day!
Cristiano Ronaldo bites his lip, fists clenched. Albert Einstein shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
118-82 (W)
Albert Einstein announces themselves! The inventor has arrived and the building knows it!
A floater from Stephen Curry along the baseline! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Stephen Curry picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a buzzer-beater!
Cristiano Ronaldo scores the go-ahead! An association football player who always finishes the job on time!
Stephen Curry a ball recovery with authority! This all-around player protecting the paint!
Halftime whistle! Kobe Bryant grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Did you know Kobe Bryant knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Miami Heart-Attack's colors. By accident, obviously. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Cristiano Ronaldo penetrates with the precision of an association football player at work. And it's a reverse layup!
Cristiano Ronaldo with a showtime layup! This living legend enjoying every second!
Kobe Bryant high-fives nobody! This franchise cornerstone left hanging from the left corner! Brutal!
Victor Wembanyama, this oversized freak, chest bumps the teammate! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Pure joy!
Victor Wembanyama, this respected competitor, high-fives the bench! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! Team effort!
Stephen Curry does a cartwheel at center court. Albert Einstein tries one too and eats it. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
100-99 (W)
Albert Einstein, this franchise cornerstone, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Albert Einstein shuts down the lane! Closed for business, like an inventor closing the status quo!
Cristiano Ronaldo gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the association football player touch can't save that one!
Kobe Bryant pulls up and drills a reverse layup! Can't teach that!
This potential GOAT Kobe Bryant sets the back screen! Freakish explosiveness off-ball contribution!
Halftime! Victor Wembanyama walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Anecdote: Victor Wembanyama slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Stephen Curry, this franchise guy, draws the foul in after a timeout! Free throws coming!
Kobe Bryant with the huge double team at half court! This certified GOAT candidate says no!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this guy with rings on every finger, plays to the crowd! A standing ovation is contagious!
Victor Wembanyama penetrates for the game-tying sky hook! At the last second! Unbelievable!
It's over! Kobe Bryant delivers the goods! This once-in-a-lifetime player walks off a winner!
Albert Einstein and Kobe Bryant pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
119-96 (W)
Kobe Bryant, this undisputed superstar, draws first blood! A pull-up jumper to start!
Stephen Curry with the smooth thunderous slam! This certified bucket making it look easy!
Kobe Bryant, this beanpole, walls off the drive off the pick and roll! No way through!
Kobe Bryant, this mountain of a man, finds the rolling big man! A double-clutch layup off the assist!
Victor Wembanyama, this tower, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Both teams head in. Albert Einstein has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. They say Albert Einstein has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
A free throw from Cristiano Ronaldo! This hall-of-fame lock reminding everyone why they're on top!
Albert Einstein throws the captain armband to the crowd! Better than throwing the status quo!
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, sets the perfect screen! Iron discipline for the team!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this generational talent, has been building to this all game! Right from the tip-off!
Cristiano Ronaldo with the game ball! Earned it the hard way, association football player style!
Albert Einstein and Cristiano Ronaldo carry Kobe Bryant like a trophy across the entire court. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
104-98 (W)
Opening possession for Albert Einstein! First touch, like first touch of their prototype sketch!
Kobe Bryant attacks from the right corner and finishes with a reverse layup! Too good!
Victor Wembanyama reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
This household name Kobe Bryant creates for others! Unselfish play with ridiculous creativity!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Eyes in the back of the head!
Halftime! Cristiano Ronaldo checks his stats on the board and winces. They say Cristiano Ronaldo eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Cristiano Ronaldo converts the and-one! Tough as scoring the winning goal all day!
The fans sense it coming! The energy is building as Albert Einstein gets hot!
Victor Wembanyama finds the open teammate! This guy with a proven track record making everyone better!
Cristiano Ronaldo is inevitable tonight! This once-in-a-lifetime player can't be stopped!
Stephen Curry tosses the damn ball in the air! A salute to the fans! This max-contract guy mission accomplished!
Albert Einstein throws chalk powder like LeBron. Kobe Bryant coughs for two minutes straight. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
94-97 (L)
Cristiano Ronaldo, this solid build, sets the tone immediately! Nerves of steel from the jump!
This established player Victor Wembanyama converts on the low block! A catch-and-shoot triple right on cue!
Victor Wembanyama, this oversized freak, lets the shooter get free on the low block! Costly lapse!
Cristiano Ronaldo clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their football boots hitting the winning goal!
Kobe Bryant sparks the comeback! A bucket driving to the hoop! This living legend leads the charge!
Coach calls everyone back. Stephen Curry drags his feet toward the tunnel. Did you know? Stephen Curry once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Kobe Bryant misses in the clutch! A floater off the mark in the third quarter!
This up-and-coming baller Victor Wembanyama slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
The narrative shifts! Stephen Curry takes control with an off-the-charts basketball IQ!
Cristiano Ronaldo coughs it up with the game on the line! The winning goal slipping away!
This solid pro Victor Wembanyama leaves the venue with head held high. Fought to the end.
Stephen Curry turns back to look at the court one last time. Victor Wembanyama doesn't turn around. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
106-104 (W)
Albert Einstein gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like an inventor on day one!
Cristiano Ronaldo steals the ball! Quick hands from scoring the winning goal all day!
Albert Einstein takes a tough layup and it doesn't go! Tendency to force bad shots in shot selection!
The technical flair of Cristiano Ronaldo recalls their association football player days. A deep three! Sublime!
This headliner Stephen Curry recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Finally a breather. Victor Wembanyama has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Rumor has it Victor Wembanyama tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Cristiano Ronaldo launches and finishes through contact! And-one on the decisive possession!
Albert Einstein with the rejection! Get that out of here! Inventor says no!
Cristiano Ronaldo fades away in front of the home faithful! A Playoff atmosphere! Beautiful!
Victor Wembanyama delivers in the clutch! A reverse layup facing the rim! This name that's buzzing is ice cold!
That's the game! Albert Einstein finishes with a monster performance! This household name victorious!
Cristiano Ronaldo and Kobe Bryant fake a wrestling match. Victor Wembanyama plays the referee and calls a timeout. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
106-119 (L)
This guy with rings on every finger Cristiano Ronaldo opens the scoring! A deep three! Early advantage!
Kobe Bryant can't buy a bucket! Another miss under the basket! Frustrating!
Albert Einstein dunks the orange right to the defense! Costly mistake by this hall-of-fame lock!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over occasional mental lapses!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this basketball god, with the exclamation-point layup! Game changer!
The players head to the locker room. Victor Wembanyama is sweating like a racehorse. Did you know? Victor Wembanyama once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Cristiano Ronaldo, this swiss-army-knife type, throws the hands up! Exasperated from the left corner!
Cristiano Ronaldo misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the winning goal!
Kobe Bryant explodes to the weak side! This living legend exploiting the rotation!
Victor Wembanyama spins but the legs won't cooperate! Lack of consistency catching up!
Stephen Curry walks off in silence. This elite player gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Cristiano Ronaldo sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Albert Einstein puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
100-101 (L)
This name that's buzzing Victor Wembanyama comes out aggressive! Opens with a half-court heave from the left corner!
This guy with rings on every finger Kobe Bryant is automatic facing the rim! A euro-step drops again!
Albert Einstein gets blown by! Even an inventor couldn't stop that!
Kobe Bryant dishes but the shot rims out! Sometimes predictable game rears its ugly head!
Kobe Bryant spins with desperation and skill! This once-in-a-lifetime player not done yet!
Halftime! Stephen Curry is limping slightly heading off the court. Did you know? Stephen Curry has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Albert Einstein misses the wide-open three! Their prototype sketch left behind on this one!
Victor Wembanyama storms to the bench! This established player is visibly upset!
Kobe Bryant, this first-ballot legend, is playing with nothing to lose! Watch out, this first-ballot legend is dangerous!
Albert Einstein can't hit the go-ahead! Lack of consistency when the lights are brightest!
Victor Wembanyama fires away to the tunnel in disappointment. This player on the come-up will learn from this.
Stephen Curry walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Victor Wembanyama speeds up. Wants it to be over. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
87-118 (L)
Cristiano Ronaldo lets fly with energy from the opening whistle! This certified GOAT candidate locked in!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this global icon, comes up empty! An and-one off target at the buzzer!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this tweener, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from way beyond the arc!
Albert Einstein reacts too late to rotate! Lack of consistency on the help side!
Victor Wembanyama, this beanpole, sits down hard on the bench! Hot head written all over his face!
Break time. Kobe Bryant bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Small detail: Kobe Bryant wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Victor Wembanyama with a wild attempt! This name that's buzzing not finding the range tonight!
Kobe Bryant lets fly a step slower than usual! Lack of consistency in the tank!
Cristiano Ronaldo turns it over in the dying seconds! An association football player dropping their football boots at the worst time!
Stephen Curry slams the Wilson in frustration! Tendency to rush on full display!
Albert Einstein sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like an inventor after their prototype sketch broke!
Cristiano Ronaldo takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Victor Wembanyama doesn't drink. Throat too tight. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
79-117 (L)
Stephen Curry looks dialed in from the start! Natural-born leadership preparation showing!
A half-court heave from Stephen Curry goes in and out! Heartbreaking in transition!
This global icon Cristiano Ronaldo gets pickpocketed at the top of the key! Sloppy handling!
Victor Wembanyama lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this guy with a proven track record fooled!
Kobe Bryant goes to work away from the huddle! This absolute legend in a dark place mentally!
Halftime! Albert Einstein checks his stats on the board and winces. Little secret: Albert Einstein has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Cristiano Ronaldo bricks it! Not the same accuracy as scoring the winning goal!
Victor Wembanyama is cramping up! This league veteran trying to shake it off! Tendency to force bad shots!
Cristiano Ronaldo gets the ball stripped! The winning goal would have stayed in an association football player's grip!
Albert Einstein throws their hands up! Like an inventor when their prototype sketch breaks!
Kobe Bryant, this tower, hangs the head. Tough loss despite unreal swagger effort.
Kobe Bryant's eyes are red, jaw tight. Albert Einstein apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
101-119 (L)
Victor Wembanyama opens with a fadeaway jumper! This respected competitor making an early statement!
This legit talent Victor Wembanyama shanks a floater from the right corner! That's uncharacteristic!
Sloppy handling by Albert Einstein! Revolutionizing the status quo is done with more finesse!
This big-name player Stephen Curry caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
What a play by Victor Wembanyama! A finger roll from the left corner! This dude putting the league on notice is cooking!
Break! Stephen Curry grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Anecdote: Stephen Curry fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Stephen Curry fades away angrily after the turnover! This established star spiraling!
Victor Wembanyama attacks the Wilson into the front rim! That's frustrating for this legit talent!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Victor Wembanyama, this up-and-coming baller, sucking wind after that sprint! The four quarters of battle!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, trudges off the gymnasium. Lessons to take from this one.
Stephen Curry taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Cristiano Ronaldo walks through the door without pushing it. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
108-105 (W)
And we're underway! Kobe Bryant touches the basketball first! This guy with rings on every finger looks eager!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this versatile guy, swats it into the third row! A monster swat!
Albert Einstein, this generational talent, with the shot-clock heave! No good from the right corner!
Albert Einstein goes coast to coast for an and-one! This hall-of-fame lock is relentless!
Albert Einstein sets the screen with precision worthy of their prototype sketch! Tactical genius!
That's a cut. Stephen Curry stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Did you know Stephen Curry started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Victor Wembanyama with the clutch rebound! This respected competitor fighting for every ball!
Albert Einstein with a clutch steal! The reflexes of an inventor catching the status quo!
Listen to that roar! Victor Wembanyama launches and the place explodes!
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, comes up big! A pull-up jumper in the dying seconds! Legend!
This global icon Cristiano Ronaldo seals the deal! Victory with next-level basketball IQ!
Cristiano Ronaldo does a belly slide on the court. Kobe Bryant does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
106-96 (W)
Tip-off! Kobe Bryant gets us started! Let's go!
Stephen Curry converts a tough bucket at half court! Skill level: elite!
Kobe Bryant with the full-court pressure! This absolute legend making them uncomfortable!
This absolute legend Kobe Bryant with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Cristiano Ronaldo fades away to the right spot! Natural-born leadership off-ball movement!
Off to the locker room. Cristiano Ronaldo has already drained two water bottles. Did you know? Cristiano Ronaldo has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
A bucket from Kobe Bryant! That's natural-born leadership at the highest level!
Albert Einstein salutes the fans! Saluting the crowd, the inventor signs off in style!
Albert Einstein sacrifices the body taking the charge! This first-ballot legend ultimate teammate!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this smooth operator, carries the weight of the team on those shoulders!
Final buzzer! Stephen Curry is the hero! This max-contract guy with a game for the ages!
Cristiano Ronaldo and Victor Wembanyama pretend to fish Stephen Curry out of the crowd. They pull hard. Behind the scenes, I learned Stephen Curry was also an inventor in a past life. You can feel it in the game. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
91-114 (L)
Cristiano Ronaldo steps onto the field house! From scoring the winning goal to this, game time!
A scoop layup from Victor Wembanyama catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Kobe Bryant with the lazy pass! Injury-prone body leading to easy points!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this combo guard, gets exploited in the switch! Injury-prone body exposed in the mismatch!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry with a beautiful fadeaway jumper at the top of the key! Poetry in motion!
Halftime whistle! Albert Einstein slides down against the hallway wall. True story: Albert Einstein walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest. Awkward. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Albert Einstein slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than an inventor hits the workbench!
Victor Wembanyama misfires off the pick and roll! This player on the come-up searching for answers!
Kobe Bryant sets the screen at the perfect angle! This global icon cerebral play!
Cristiano Ronaldo gulps water! As thirsty as an association football player reaching for the winning goal!
Cristiano Ronaldo vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their football boots reinforced with the winning goal!
Victor Wembanyama avoids the cameras like the plague. Cristiano Ronaldo gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season Journal
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby!
There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Victor Wembanyama. Standing at 224 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.
What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Albert Einstein is on this team. Albert Einstein, who is an inventor and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with their prototype sketch under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world.
The budget here is absolutely insane, we're talking stratosphere money. This is Warriors and Suns territory. These guys are so loaded they've triggered the Second Apron: the league literally forbids them from signing free agents or combining salaries in trades. They have zero flexibility, handcuffed by their own damn wealth. It's "championship or crash and burn," no in-between.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
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