monkeys — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · by BLAKE ISME · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Houston Blast-Off | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | monkeys | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. Ladies and gentlemen... Monkeys! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Jesus Christ on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. The man is massive, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Robert Wadlow. Profession? Circus performer. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with bare hands, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the game could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. Let's talk money. We'll keep it short because there ain't any. The budget is so low that the equipment manager also does the accounting, the post-game spread is leftover Domino's on discount, and the last free agent who toured the facility ran for the hills. But damn it, these guys don't care. They play with the fury of men who have everything to prove and nothing to lose. This is the most dangerous team in the league, not because they're good, but because they don't give a single damn about losing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
83-127 (L)
Dwayne Johnson looks dialed in from the start! A killer instinct preparation showing!
Jesus Christ whiffs on the jumper! A messiah off their game with their bare hands!
Barack Obama loses the Wilson! A statesperson would never be this careless!
Sean Combs, this all-around player, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over ego the size of Texas!
Sean Combs can't hide the frustration! Their bare hands frustration meets the ball frustration!
Halftime. Sean Combs wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Anecdote: Sean Combs fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Jesus Christ misses the bunny! A messiah dropping the game from point-blank!
This world-class player Robert Wadlow can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Dwayne Johnson with the backcourt violation! This undisputed superstar under too much pressure!
Sean Combs kicks the air! The frustration of a philanthropist who knows they can do better!
Barack Obama walks off in defeat! Even a statesperson's skills couldn't save tonight!
Barack Obama pulls his cap down over his eyes. Jesus Christ doesn't have a cap, and it shows. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
121-103 (W)
Robert Wadlow, this long boy, sets the tone immediately! Natural-born leadership from the jump!
Barack Obama, this all-around player, showcases a killer instinct with a gorgeous reverse layup!
Barack Obama reads the play perfectly! That statesperson brain working overtime!
This certified GOAT candidate Barack Obama leads the fast break and dishes! Easy bucket off the assist!
Dwayne Johnson, this hall-of-fame lock, manipulates the defense with the eyes! An unmatched feel for the game!
Well-deserved break. Dwayne Johnson looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Anecdote: Dwayne Johnson once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Sean Combs shoots the pill with flair and hits a pull-up jumper! Sensational!
Jesus Christ feeds off a cathedral silence! The energy of a messiah fueled by the game!
This franchise guy Robert Wadlow claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this franchise guy!
This certified bucket Robert Wadlow refuses to lose! The will of a champion!
Sean Combs attacks to the crowd! A raised fist! This franchise guy gave everything!
Jesus Christ and Barack Obama carry Dwayne Johnson like a trophy across the entire court. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
98-108 (L)
This certified bucket Robert Wadlow comes out aggressive! Opens with a hook shot at the top of the key!
This max-contract guy Robert Wadlow puts up a bucket but it won't fall! Off night!
Dwayne Johnson charges right into the defender! Turnover! Limited stamina when controlling pace!
Jesus Christ beaten to the spot! Slower than a messiah on a Monday morning!
Jesus Christ, this tweener, takes over at half court. A finger roll! That's elite!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Jesus Christ to massage his thighs. Juicy anecdote: Jesus Christ was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Sean Combs mutters to himself walking back! This certified bucket fighting inner demons!
Barack Obama lets fly and fires but misses everything! Occasional mental lapses tonight!
Sean Combs makes the hockey assist! The unsung play of a philanthropist behind the game!
Sean Combs bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a philanthropist after their bare hands overtime!
Dwayne Johnson walks off in silence. This franchise cornerstone gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Robert Wadlow scratches the back of his neck nervously. Sean Combs has the look of someone who has seen things. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
99-112 (L)
Game time! Jesus Christ and this global icon ready to put on a show at the court!
Barack Obama, this generational talent, comes up empty! A euro-step off target at half court!
Jesus Christ, this combo guard, fumbles the entry pass from downtown!
Barack Obama watches them score! Just watching, like watching their diplomatic pouch gather dust!
Barack Obama with an incredible euro-step facing the rim! Standing ovation!
Well-deserved break. Sean Combs looks like someone who just ran a marathon. The staff told me Sean Combs sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Jesus Christ, this versatile guy, sits down hard on the bench! Heavy feet written all over his face!
This hall-of-fame lock Dwayne Johnson misfires again! Defense that's basically a suggestion could cost the team!
Sean Combs, this swiss-army-knife type, exploits the mismatch on the low block! Smart play!
Dwayne Johnson, this tweener, laboring up and down! Injury-prone body draining the energy!
Dwayne Johnson had the chances but couldn't convert. This franchise cornerstone left wanting.
Sean Combs leaves the court at a jog. Robert Wadlow stays there, planted at center court, motionless. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
86-108 (L)
This certified bucket Sean Combs gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
This potential GOAT Dwayne Johnson short-arms a thunderous slam at the buzzer! Not enough lift!
Dwayne Johnson, this do-it-all player, commits the travel! Hot head in the footwork!
Dwayne Johnson lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this generational talent fooled!
This world-class player Robert Wadlow does it again! A pull-up jumper with effortless precision!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Jesus Christ asks for an ice pack. Locker room anecdote: Jesus Christ talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Barack Obama shakes their head! A statesperson who can't believe that just happened!
Sean Combs with a rough alley-oop along the baseline! Injury-prone body at the worst time!
Sean Combs sets up the play three passes ahead! Three moves ahead, like a philanthropist at work!
Robert Wadlow is gassed! This max-contract guy bent over at half court! Lack of consistency catching up!
Sean Combs shakes hands through the pain! A philanthropist who respects their bare hands and the game!
Robert Wadlow's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Sean Combs breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
101-120 (L)
Sean Combs announces themselves! The philanthropist has arrived and the building knows it!
Robert Wadlow fires a euro-step off the pick and roll but can't connect! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing!
Sean Combs shoots carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Dwayne Johnson gets caught flat-footed! This guy with rings on every finger beaten to the spot!
Jesus Christ with an off-balance shot! The finesse of their bare hands right there on the field house!
Break! Sean Combs takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Did you know? Sean Combs has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Dwayne Johnson dribbles away from the huddle! This basketball god in a dark place mentally!
Sean Combs, this swiss-army-knife type, gets stuffed trying a finger roll! Denied!
Dwayne Johnson, this tweener, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! A killer instinct!
Jesus Christ wipes sweat with the kicks! Drenched, the messiah has been putting in work!
Sean Combs takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad philanthropist day!
Sean Combs stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Dwayne Johnson exhales. Again. And again. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
99-96 (W)
Tip-off! Robert Wadlow gets us started! Let's go!
Dwayne Johnson plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this absolute legend!
Sean Combs heaves and misses! Should have heaved the game instead!
An and-one from Dwayne Johnson! This all-time great just keeps delivering!
Robert Wadlow slows the pace when the team needs it! This elite player tempo control!
End of the first act. Dwayne Johnson is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Exclusive info: Dwayne Johnson is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Jesus Christ takes over in the fourth quarter! Dominating like a messiah who owns the room!
This absolute legend Barack Obama reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Jesus Christ high-fives courtside fans! Those messiah hands spreading the love!
Barack Obama wants the ball and delivers! A deep three in overtime! Clutch gene!
This basketball god Dwayne Johnson wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Jesus Christ makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. Dwayne Johnson makes the 'call us' gesture. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
84-118 (L)
Jesus Christ checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Robert Wadlow forces up a catch-and-shoot triple over the defense! Sometimes predictable game! Bad decision!
Barack Obama with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the political storm!
Jesus Christ caught flat-footed! Standing still, the messiah reflexes took a nap!
Robert Wadlow crosses over and kicks the stanchion! This top-tier talent losing composure!
The locker room fills up. Jesus Christ has already eaten three oranges. Anecdote of the day: Jesus Christ forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Barack Obama can't finish! The statesperson who finishes the political storm can't finish the play!
Jesus Christ, this combo guard, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Robert Wadlow loses the leather in traffic! This All-Star caliber talent can't afford that!
Sean Combs glares at the scoreboard! This world-class player not happy with the situation!
Jesus Christ, this swiss-army-knife type, trudges off the gymnasium. Lessons to take from this one.
Robert Wadlow replays the score in his head on a loop. Sean Combs tries to think about something else. Behind the scenes, I learned Sean Combs was also a volunteer firefighter in a past life. You can feel it in the game. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
84-111 (L)
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, is introduced and the arena explodes! This basketball god is in the building!
Jesus Christ misses the open look! This hall-of-fame lock can't believe it! Lack of consistency!
This guy everybody knows Robert Wadlow with turnover number points! Ego the size of Texas is piling up!
Barack Obama overcommits and gets beat! Tendency to force bad shots when reading the play!
Robert Wadlow with another pull-up jumper! You can't stop this man!
Rest time. Sean Combs isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Exclusive info: Sean Combs is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Sean Combs mouths off on a clutch free throw! A philanthropist venting about the game!
Barack Obama shoots short! Not enough juice! Even a statesperson would cringe!
Sean Combs uses a pick-and-roll system brilliantly! Strategy from competing the game!
Barack Obama stumbles on the play! Stumbling like a statesperson over the political storm!
This first-ballot legend Jesus Christ shakes hands and moves on. In the end, tendency to force bad shots proved costly.
Barack Obama's lip is trembling. Robert Wadlow dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
80-124 (L)
Barack Obama takes the court to a cathedral silence! The statesperson with their diplomatic pouch is here!
Sean Combs rattles it out! Shaking the arena with their bare hands intensity!
Robert Wadlow pulls up the Wilson right to the defense! Costly mistake by this All-Star caliber talent!
Sean Combs turns the head and loses the man! This elite player napping defensively!
Dwayne Johnson drops the head after another miss! Occasional mental lapses sapping the confidence!
That's a wrap for now. Sean Combs dives into the tunnel. Quick anecdote about Sean Combs: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
A double-clutch layup from Dwayne Johnson catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
This top-tier talent Robert Wadlow is a warrior but the body says no! The four quarters of war!
Robert Wadlow, this mammoth, gets stripped at half court! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
Jesus Christ attacks angrily after the turnover! This living legend spiraling!
Dwayne Johnson sits alone on the bench. This household name processing the defeat.
Robert Wadlow walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Sean Combs drags one foot after the other. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
79-123 (L)
Sean Combs starts in the rebounder! Playing the rebounder way a philanthropist plays with their bare hands!
Barack Obama gets blocked! Rejected harder than a statesperson's worst day on the job!
Sean Combs with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost philanthropist!
Jesus Christ gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the game behind their bare hands!
Dwayne Johnson gets a technical for complaining! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Break! Jesus Christ has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Rumor has it Jesus Christ does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Jesus Christ, this tweener, can't finish from the right corner! That one stings!
Sean Combs, this headliner, sucking wind after that sprint! The four quarters of battle!
Jesus Christ turns it over at late in the quarter! A messiah dropping their bare hands at the worst time!
Dwayne Johnson, this undisputed superstar, barks at the teammate! Sometimes predictable game taking over!
Dwayne Johnson, this combo guard, hangs the head. Tough loss despite silky smooth technique effort.
Jesus Christ mutters while walking out. Sean Combs watches from the corner of his eye, worried. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
94-118 (L)
And we're underway! Jesus Christ touches the damn ball first! This first-ballot legend looks eager!
Sean Combs fires a brick from under the basket! Way off, even for a philanthropist!
Sean Combs with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
Robert Wadlow gets posted up and scored on! This top-tier talent overpowered!
Sean Combs crosses over the ball into a deep three! An unmatched feel for the game shining through!
Back to the locker room. Dwayne Johnson's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Fun fact: Dwayne Johnson got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
This potential GOAT Dwayne Johnson shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Sean Combs sends it wide! Their bare hands wouldn't forgive that either!
Jesus Christ executes a half-court set perfectly! Precision learned as a messiah!
Jesus Christ barely gets back on defense! Moving like a messiah on a Friday afternoon!
Jesus Christ refuses to make excuses! A messiah owns the game failures too!
Dwayne Johnson refuses the coach's embrace. Sean Combs accepts it but his body is stiff. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
90-119 (L)
Sean Combs stretches center court! Loosening up, the philanthropist is getting ready!
Jesus Christ bricks another one! Building something awful with their bare hands tonight!
This undisputed superstar Dwayne Johnson forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Jesus Christ fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a messiah chasing the game!
Barack Obama treats the damn ball like the political storm and sinks it. Easy as pie for a statesperson!
Halftime whistle. Dwayne Johnson high-fives his teammates on the way out. Quick anecdote about Dwayne Johnson: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Robert Wadlow picks up the second technical! This max-contract guy ejected! Limited stamina!
Jesus Christ skips it off the rim! The game has better hop than that!
Jesus Christ exploits the mismatch! Finding weakness with their bare hands acumen!
This generational talent Dwayne Johnson can't close out! The legs are shot at the buzzer!
This generational talent Dwayne Johnson leaves the hardwood with head held high. Fought to the end.
Dwayne Johnson and Barack Obama walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. Tonight I had a revelation: Barack Obama runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
75-120 (L)
Sean Combs steps onto the field house! From competing the game to this, game time!
Sean Combs launches but the shot rims out! Heavy feet rears its ugly head!
Jesus Christ with a wild pass that sails out! This absolute legend giving it away!
Barack Obama gets screened out! Stuck behind their diplomatic pouch like it's a wall!
This first-ballot legend Dwayne Johnson can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Halftime. Barack Obama is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Barack Obama tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Barack Obama with the ugly miss! The statesperson touch is absent tonight!
Dwayne Johnson grabs the shorts! This once-in-a-lifetime player is running on fumes!
Robert Wadlow drives into a trap! Tendency to force bad shots when reading the defense!
Robert Wadlow penetrates the towel! This established star showing tendency to force bad shots!
Dwayne Johnson spins past the media. This undisputed superstar not in the mood to talk.
Jesus Christ sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Sean Combs puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. I learned that Jesus Christ's father was a volunteer firefighter. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
94-118 (L)
Barack Obama wins the opening tip! Tipping off with statesperson energy!
Brick! Dwayne Johnson misfires from downtown! Lack of consistency at the worst time!
This franchise guy Robert Wadlow gets pickpocketed from way beyond the arc! Sloppy handling!
Jesus Christ gets blown by! Even a messiah couldn't stop that!
Barack Obama attacks with the precision of a statesperson at work. And it's a layup!
Intermission. Robert Wadlow dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Confession: Robert Wadlow tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
This All-Star caliber talent Sean Combs gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Sean Combs, this all-around player, can't get a finger roll to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
This guy with rings on every finger Dwayne Johnson attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Sean Combs needs oxygen! More winded than a philanthropist after overtime!
Barack Obama packs up and heads out! Packing their diplomatic pouch, unpacking emotions!
Dwayne Johnson mutters 'damn' under his breath. Jesus Christ says 'yeah' in the same tone. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
monkeys finishes #16 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jesus Christ.
Season Journal
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. Ladies and gentlemen... Monkeys!
Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Jesus Christ on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. The man is massive, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them.
The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins.
Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Robert Wadlow. Profession? Circus performer. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with bare hands, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the game could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn.
Let's talk money. We'll keep it short because there ain't any. The budget is so low that the equipment manager also does the accounting, the post-game spread is leftover Domino's on discount, and the last free agent who toured the facility ran for the hills. But damn it, these guys don't care. They play with the fury of men who have everything to prove and nothing to lose. This is the most dangerous team in the league, not because they're good, but because they don't give a single damn about losing.
monkeys finishes #16 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jesus Christ.
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
Do you like this creation?
Share it with your friends!
.jpg?width=200&width=400)
.jpg?width=200&width=400)
.jpg?width=200&width=400)
