My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 12 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Houston Blast-Off | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
Pre-season
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Anthony Edwards. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 197 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Jesus Christ, his brother-in-law and a messiah by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Jesus Christ can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. The budget here is absolutely insane, we're talking stratosphere money. This is Warriors and Suns territory. These guys are so loaded they've triggered the Second Apron: the league literally forbids them from signing free agents or combining salaries in trades. They have zero flexibility, handcuffed by their own damn wealth. It's "championship or crash and burn," no in-between.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
83-110 (L)
Jesus Christ looks dialed in from the start! A gym-rat work ethic preparation showing!
Jesus Christ fires and misses facing the rim. Should have stuck with the game!
Jesus Christ gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a messiah's grip!
Karl Malone bites on the pump fake! This world-class player sent flying facing the rim!
Stephen Curry hits a fadeaway jumper! Freakish explosiveness proving to be the difference tonight!
Well-deserved break. Jesus Christ looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Rumor has it Jesus Christ has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Karl Malone, this guy everybody knows, yells at the coaching staff! Tendency to rush causing friction!
Anthony Edwards misses the open look! This player making noise can't believe it! Injury-prone body!
Paul George, this solid pro, manages the clock beautifully in overtime!
Jesus Christ misses from fatigue! This hall-of-fame lock can't get the elevation back to the basket!
Karl Malone, this long boy, hangs the head. Tough loss despite freakish explosiveness effort.
Paul George stares at the floor while Anthony Edwards mutters something inaudible under his breath. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
123-77 (W)
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry in the starting lineup! Let's see what this max-contract guy brings!
Paul George, this big fella, with a silky floater at the top of the key! Smooth operator!
Karl Malone with the touch pass! This elite player barely had the Spalding and found the man!
Anthony Edwards, this name that's buzzing, operates back to the basket with a bucket! Clinic!
Paul George a double team and starts the fast break! Defense wins championships!
Break! Stephen Curry grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Anecdote: Stephen Curry slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Karl Malone with the highlight-reel pull-up jumper! This big-name player owning the moment!
Paul George piles it on! A buzzer beater extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
Anthony Edwards lets fly and the Spalding goes into the stands! Free souvenir!
Jesus Christ pumps their fist! The fist that grips their bare hands all day!
This generational talent Jesus Christ seals the deal! Victory with pure God-given talent!
Karl Malone makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. Paul George makes the 'call us' gesture. Evening confession: I'm wearing Karl Malone's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
107-84 (W)
Stephen Curry, this franchise guy, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Jesus Christ dribbles with the precision of a messiah at work. And it's a finger roll!
Paul George anticipates the cut and deflects the damn ball! This guy with a proven track record reading minds!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry with the wraparound pass! How did that get through!
This league veteran Paul George adjusts the angle mid-drive! Unreal swagger body control!
Well-deserved break. Jesus Christ looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Little secret: Jesus Christ listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
This player making noise Anthony Edwards is automatic facing the rim! A bucket drops again!
Anthony Edwards, this big fella, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Paul George sacrifices the body taking the charge! This established player ultimate teammate!
Win or lose, Karl Malone has earned respect tonight! This multi-time All-Star warrior spirit!
Karl Malone dribbles into the tunnel with the W! This franchise guy all smiles!
Anthony Edwards and Karl Malone swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
103-101 (W)
The game begins and Jesus Christ is ready! You can see a killer instinct written all over his face!
Karl Malone shuts the door from downtown! That's how you play defense!
This player on the come-up Paul George muscles up a floater but can't get it to fall!
Jesus Christ explodes the pill into an off-balance shot! Nerves of steel shining through!
This headliner Stephen Curry runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Finally a breather. Karl Malone has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Word is Karl Malone sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Paul George delivers in the clutch! A euro-step at half court! This guy with a proven track record is ice cold!
Paul George slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Ridiculous creativity in every step!
Post-game fireworks for Jesus Christ! Brighter than their bare hands on a perfect day!
This certified bucket Stephen Curry won't let the team lose! A layup in overtime!
Paul George daps up the opponent! Respect from this hooper's hooper after the battle!
Paul George hits a dab in 2026. Stephen Curry does an ironic dab. Anthony Edwards has no idea what that is. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
102-103 (L)
Karl Malone, this franchise guy, draws first blood! A pull-up jumper to start!
Stephen Curry, this bonafide star, knifes through for a catch-and-shoot triple in the paint! Wow!
Anthony Edwards gets crossed over! This up-and-coming baller left frozen at half court!
Jesus Christ misses at the buzzer! A messiah who missed the deadline!
Anthony Edwards spins and the deficit melts! He's on an unstoppable run!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Anthony Edwards to massage his thighs. Anecdote: Anthony Edwards threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Karl Malone rises up and bricks it! Ego the size of Texas in the fourth quarter!
Anthony Edwards, this name that's buzzing, refuses to high-five! Tendency to rush hurting the chemistry!
Jesus Christ's journey from the game to a scoop layup inspires a sold-out gym on fire!
Jesus Christ spins and slips! Turnover in the fourth quarter! Heavy feet!
This first-ballot legend Jesus Christ shakes hands and moves on. In the end, occasional mental lapses proved costly.
Jesus Christ closes his eyes walking out. Karl Malone keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
119-76 (W)
Paul George, this mountain of a man, sets the tone immediately! Ridiculous creativity from the jump!
Paul George, this long boy, carves up the defense for a scoop layup! Beautiful!
Paul George lets fly the rock through traffic! What a pass by this dude putting the league on notice!
A reverse layup from Stephen Curry in transition! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Karl Malone sprints to close out! A rebound in traffic at half court! Great effort!
First half is done. Jesus Christ is chugging Gatorade like it's water. They say Jesus Christ has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
This guy with a proven track record Anthony Edwards capitalizes on the low block! A bank shot with a killer instinct!
Karl Malone, this mammoth, caps off a dominant performance! Natural-born leadership from start to finish!
Karl Malone, this beanpole, flexes after a missed shot! This big-name player keeping it positive!
Stephen Curry throws the finger guns at the crowd! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench after a reverse layup!
Final buzzer! Jesus Christ's messiah shift on the court ends in triumph!
Jesus Christ and Paul George carry Karl Malone like a trophy across the entire court. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
115-94 (W)
This well-respected player Paul George catches the rock early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Jesus Christ drains it! Emptying the tank like a messiah on double shift!
Anthony Edwards, this walking skyscraper, contests everything at the buzzer! Silky smooth technique on full display!
Stephen Curry with the hockey assist! That extra pass, beautiful basketball!
Jesus Christ reads the defense perfectly! Iron discipline and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Halftime! Anthony Edwards looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Anecdote: Anthony Edwards threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
A euro-step by Anthony Edwards from mid-range! Iron discipline in every fiber!
The fans sense it coming! The energy is building as Anthony Edwards gets hot!
This player on the come-up Anthony Edwards unites the locker room! Natural-born leadership captain's mentality!
Jesus Christ drives with the fire of a thousand suns! He's on fire!
Stephen Curry tosses the pill in the air! A bench mob celebration! This big-name player mission accomplished!
Stephen Curry hugs the mascot. Karl Malone hugs the referee. Awkward. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
109-95 (W)
Anthony Edwards, this league veteran, embraces the hostile crowd! Game on!
Jesus Christ hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their bare hands from downtown!
Karl Malone, this multi-time All-Star, switches seamlessly and locks up! A gym-rat work ethic shining through!
Stephen Curry with the incredible court vision! This max-contract guy sees passes nobody else does!
Karl Malone, this certified bucket, manipulates the defense with the eyes! A killer instinct!
End of the second quarter. Karl Malone is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. They say Karl Malone eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
A scoop layup from Karl Malone! This headliner just keeps delivering!
Karl Malone launches and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
Karl Malone, this elite player, communicates the switch! That dawg mentality and vocal leadership!
The legend of Paul George grows! This legit talent adding another chapter facing the rim!
Jesus Christ wraps up with a double-double! Double duty: their bare hands and the Spalding!
Stephen Curry and Jesus Christ swing Anthony Edwards around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
109-85 (W)
Karl Malone, this long boy, takes the court! The Playoff atmosphere is electric!
This respected competitor Anthony Edwards does it again! A pull-up jumper with effortless precision!
Paul George a double team with authority! This tree of a man protecting the paint!
Anthony Edwards threads the needle! Beautiful assist off the pick and roll! Unreal court vision!
Paul George uses the hesitation dribble! Night-in night-out consistency creating separation!
Rest time. Karl Malone isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. The staff told me Karl Malone sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
A scoop layup from Paul George! This established player is putting on a show tonight!
What an incredible energy! Jesus Christ and the fans creating a spectacle!
This bonafide star Karl Malone claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this bonafide star!
Anthony Edwards, this next-level player, has been building to this all game! Late in the quarter!
This well-respected player Paul George wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Anthony Edwards and Paul George run circles around Karl Malone who doesn't move. Zen. Tonight I learned Anthony Edwards used to be a messiah before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
126-93 (W)
Jesus Christ takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, overpowers for a step-back three! Size matters!
Karl Malone, this tree of a man, with the pocket pass! Ridiculous creativity in tight spaces!
Anthony Edwards scores at the buzzer! A deep three with silky smooth technique! Brilliant!
This respected competitor Paul George with the screen navigation! Gets through and contests!
Halftime! Karl Malone has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Confession: Karl Malone tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
A hook shot by Paul George! The crowd erupts! Next-level basketball IQ personified!
Jesus Christ coasts to victory! Easy work for this messiah tonight!
Jesus Christ asked if buckets can be converted to the game credits! No!
Stephen Curry attacks and celebrates! A team high-five facing the rim! The crowd erupts!
This world-class player Karl Malone caps off a special night! A victory dance! Until next time!
Karl Malone does a belly slide on the court. Paul George does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
89-103 (L)
Paul George, this colossus, announced to huge cheers! A standing ovation!
This reliable star Karl Malone shanks a thunderous slam at half court! That's uncharacteristic!
This big-name player Stephen Curry dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Paul George gets posted up and scored on! This established player overpowered!
This name that's buzzing Anthony Edwards converts at the top of the key! A pull-up jumper right on cue!
The players file out. Jesus Christ exchanges a tense look with the coach. Intel: Jesus Christ asked New York Over-Timers for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Karl Malone can't mask the disappointment! This All-Star caliber talent wearing it on the sleeve!
This first-ballot legend Jesus Christ misses the mark! A thunderous slam goes begging driving to the hoop!
Stephen Curry, this bonafide star, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Anthony Edwards had the chances but couldn't convert. This guy with a proven track record left wanting.
Stephen Curry lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Anthony Edwards decides not to comment. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
106-107 (L)
Jesus Christ fires up the crowd to open the game! This global icon starting strong!
This established star Karl Malone with a beautiful scoop layup back to the basket! Poetry in motion!
This reliable star Karl Malone misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Karl Malone pulls up the rock into nothing! Hot head on full display tonight!
Anthony Edwards converts the and-one! An off-balance shot! This player making noise won't go quietly!
Break! Paul George takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Anecdote of the day: Paul George forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Anthony Edwards can't hit the go-ahead! Injury-prone body when the lights are brightest!
This world-class player Karl Malone gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Paul George launches through pain, through doubt! This legit talent transcending!
Stephen Curry throws it away with the game on the line! Tendency to force bad shots!
Karl Malone walks off in silence. This multi-time All-Star gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Karl Malone presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Jesus Christ walks right past without noticing. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
102-90 (W)
This franchise guy Stephen Curry gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Jesus Christ scores at will! A step-back three from the left corner! This guy with rings on every finger domination!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry with an iron-wall defense from the left corner! Intimidating!
Anthony Edwards reads the defense like a book! Assist from way beyond the arc! A killer instinct!
Jesus Christ positions perfectly in the elbow! Placement of their bare hands on the game!
Halftime whistle! Jesus Christ grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Anecdote: Jesus Christ once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Anthony Edwards rises up to the rack for a sky hook! Can't contain this colossus!
Paul George fires away in front of the home faithful! A standing ovation! Beautiful!
Karl Malone explodes the ball with patience! This bonafide star trusting the system!
This guy with a proven track record Paul George refuses to lose! The will of a champion!
Anthony Edwards goes to work in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Stephen Curry blows a kiss to the camera. Anthony Edwards blows twelve. Karl Malone blocks the lens. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
87-103 (L)
This headliner Stephen Curry comes out aggressive! Opens with a tear drop in transition!
A sky hook from Stephen Curry goes in and out! Heartbreaking along the baseline!
Anthony Edwards charges right into the defender! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion when controlling pace!
Anthony Edwards, this mountain of a man, gets exploited in the switch! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed in the mismatch!
Jesus Christ hits on a strategic timeout! Clutch like a messiah meeting a deadline!
Halftime. The doctor examines Stephen Curry's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Little scoop: Stephen Curry collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Stephen Curry, this tweener, sits down hard on the bench! Sometimes predictable game written all over his face!
Stephen Curry takes a tough tear drop and it doesn't go! Hot head in shot selection!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Karl Malone is cramping up! This top-tier talent trying to shake it off! Limited stamina!
Anthony Edwards penetrates to the tunnel in disappointment. This player making noise will learn from this.
Karl Malone's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Paul George breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
105-117 (L)
Karl Malone, this oversized freak, is introduced and the arena explodes! This All-Star caliber talent is in the building!
A pull-up jumper from Jesus Christ hits the iron! Ego the size of Texas under the spotlight!
Paul George, this mammoth, commits the travel! Occasional mental lapses in the footwork!
This solid pro Paul George picks up the cheap foul! Sometimes predictable game showing!
The technical flair of Jesus Christ recalls their messiah days. A layup! Sublime!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Anthony Edwards to massage his thighs. Small detail: Anthony Edwards whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Stephen Curry shoots and kicks the stanchion! This established star losing composure!
Jesus Christ with a rough hook shot at the top of the key! Tendency to rush at the worst time!
This multi-time All-Star Karl Malone uses the floater over this long boy coverage! Smart!
Anthony Edwards asks for the ball to slow the pace! This solid pro needs air!
Karl Malone reflects on what could have been. Limited stamina the difference tonight.
Jesus Christ kicks his towel across the floor. Stephen Curry has already left for the locker room, alone. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Anthony Edwards.
Season Journal
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby!
Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Anthony Edwards. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 197 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.
What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Jesus Christ, his brother-in-law and a messiah by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Jesus Christ can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
The budget here is absolutely insane, we're talking stratosphere money. This is Warriors and Suns territory. These guys are so loaded they've triggered the Second Apron: the league literally forbids them from signing free agents or combining salaries in trades. They have zero flexibility, handcuffed by their own damn wealth. It's "championship or crash and burn," no in-between.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Anthony Edwards.
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
Do you like this creation?
Share it with your friends!
_(cropped).jpg?width=300&width=400)
.jpg?width=300&width=400)
.jpg?width=300&width=400)
.jpg?width=300&width=400)