My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 3 | 12 | 6 |
Pre-season
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Hulk Hogan. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 193 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Hulk Hogan. The man is a wrestler. Yes, you heard that right. A wrestler. On a basketball court. With rosin bag in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Hulk Hogan had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
91-124 (L)
Hulk Hogan announces themselves! The wrestler has arrived and the building knows it!
This All-Star caliber talent Hulk Hogan rattles it out! So close yet so far along the baseline!
The Undertaker coughs up the damn ball! Ego the size of Texas strikes again facing the rim!
The Undertaker gambles for the steal and pays the price! Injury-prone body!
André the Giant shakes their head! A wrestler who can't believe that just happened!
Halftime. The Undertaker throws his towel on the floor walking in. Confession: The Undertaker believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Stone Cold Steve Austin air-mails a bucket at half court! Way off for this established player!
André the Giant tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a wrestler's energy for the mat canvas!
Stone Cold Steve Austin rises up carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Stone Cold Steve Austin storms to the bench! This solid pro is visibly upset!
Stone Cold Steve Austin vows to come back stronger! Stronger than the script binder reinforced with the film character!
The Undertaker leaves the court at a jog. André the Giant stays there, planted at center court, motionless. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
111-110 (W)
John Cena sets the tone early! The executive producer came to play tonight!
Hulk Hogan, this do-it-all player, smothers the ball-handler! No options!
Hulk Hogan bricks it! Not the same accuracy as slamming the mat canvas!
Stone Cold Steve Austin rises up with the precision of a movie actor at work. And it's a thunderous slam!
Stone Cold Steve Austin zones up! Defensive zone like a movie actor's the film character zone!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! André the Giant walks head down toward the tunnel. Little secret: André the Giant has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
André the Giant with ice in their veins! Cool as a wrestler when everything's on the line!
The Undertaker, this top-tier talent, shuts down the play on the low block! Lockdown defender!
Listen to that roar! John Cena attacks and the place explodes!
John Cena embraces the moment! A two-handed slam in the money time! That's why he's here!
John Cena launches to the crowd! A chest bump! This undisputed superstar gave everything!
The Undertaker dumps his Gatorade on John Cena who screams because it was cold. Stone Cold Steve Austin piles on. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
114-96 (W)
André the Giant fades away with energy from the opening whistle! This legit talent locked in!
André the Giant banks a tear drop off the glass! Geometry learned from the wrestler life!
The Undertaker slides to the passing lane and steals it! Eyes in the back of the head!
John Cena with the bounce pass! The pill bouncing with precision worthy of their production slate!
Hulk Hogan uses the hesitation dribble! Next-level basketball IQ creating separation!
Into the tunnel. Stone Cold Steve Austin grabs a banana on the way and devours it. They say Stone Cold Steve Austin eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Stone Cold Steve Austin rises and fires! Portraying the film character never felt this athletic!
Stone Cold Steve Austin high-fives courtside fans! Those movie actor hands spreading the love!
Hulk Hogan plugs the gap! Plugging holes with wrestler efficiency!
From humble the canvas ring beginnings, The Undertaker rises at the venue!
The Undertaker grabs the game ball! This reliable star earned it tonight!
John Cena drops to his knees and kisses the court. Hulk Hogan pretends to gag. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
98-113 (L)
André the Giant, this colossus, sets the tone immediately! An unmatched feel for the game from the jump!
This big-name player Hulk Hogan muscles up a layup but can't get it to fall!
André the Giant throws it away! A pass worse than a wrestler tossing the mat canvas!
John Cena overcommits! Going all-in like an executive producer on the next blockbuster, but wrong!
Hulk Hogan finishes through contact! Built tough from handling the rosin bag!
Off to the locker room. André the Giant has already drained two water bottles. Juicy anecdote: André the Giant was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
John Cena pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The executive producer in them is showing!
Hulk Hogan misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
André the Giant communicates the switch! Clear as a wrestler's instructions!
Hulk Hogan grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than the rosin bag in the workshop!
André the Giant crosses over to the tunnel in disappointment. This well-respected player will learn from this.
John Cena pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Stone Cold Steve Austin takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
101-98 (W)
Stone Cold Steve Austin gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a movie actor on day one!
Hulk Hogan springs the trap! The wrestler instinct is real!
Hulk Hogan can't connect! The rosin bag in hand, sure. The Wilson through the hoop, nope!
This player on the come-up Stone Cold Steve Austin with a beautiful scoop layup from the left corner! Poetry in motion!
André the Giant spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Halftime! André the Giant walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Anecdote: André the Giant once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
The Undertaker, this long boy, comes through when called upon! At the last second! Star!
John Cena anticipates the cut and deflects the damn ball! This global icon reading minds!
The palace of hoops erupts as The Undertaker enters! The professional wrestler gets a hero's welcome!
André the Giant hits from deep at after a timeout! Long-range the rosin bag strikes again!
John Cena, this swiss-army-knife type, acknowledges the fans! A hostile crowd! A slide across the hardwood!
The Undertaker makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. André the Giant makes the 'call us' gesture. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce The Undertaker's name. Forgive me. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
82-126 (L)
Stone Cold Steve Austin gets the starting nod! A movie actor starting with the script binder confidence!
John Cena misses the open look! An executive producer never misses the next blockbuster... But misses the basketball!
André the Giant, this tower, gets stripped from mid-range! Tendency to rush exposed!
The Undertaker gives up the back door! Sometimes predictable game when overplaying!
The Undertaker slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a professional wrestler hits the workbench!
Both teams head in. Stone Cold Steve Austin has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Anecdote: Stone Cold Steve Austin once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
John Cena misfires from way beyond the arc! Even this global icon has off nights!
This All-Star caliber talent Hulk Hogan can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
The Undertaker forces the pass! Forcing the steel chair where it doesn't fit!
André the Giant mouths off on the final possession! A wrestler venting about the mat canvas!
Hulk Hogan hangs their head! A wrestler who gave everything they had!
André the Giant clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. The Undertaker fidgets with his wristband nervously. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
105-119 (L)
The Undertaker steps onto the court! From slamming the canvas ring to this, game time!
The Undertaker shoots the ball into nothing! Occasional mental lapses on full display tonight!
André the Giant with the lazy pass! Tendency to rush leading to easy points!
John Cena caught flat-footed! Standing still, the executive producer reflexes took a nap!
Hulk Hogan with the fadeaway two-handed slam! Smooth as the rosin bag in action!
Rest. The Undertaker buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. They say The Undertaker has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
This multi-time All-Star Hulk Hogan shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
The Undertaker fires and misses at half court. Should have stuck with the canvas ring!
André the Giant finds the angle! The angle wrestler uses for the mat canvas!
Hulk Hogan is gassed! This bonafide star bent over at half court! Sometimes predictable game catching up!
This reliable star The Undertaker congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this reliable star.
The Undertaker scratches the back of his neck nervously. John Cena has the look of someone who has seen things. Tonight I had a revelation: John Cena runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
95-112 (L)
André the Giant bounces the Spalding pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
The Undertaker, this absolute unit, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this guy everybody knows!
The Undertaker goes to work into a trap! Injury-prone body when reading the defense!
The Undertaker gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the canvas ring on a rough day!
Hulk Hogan cuts and scores! Sharp as the rosin bag, this wrestler!
The locker room. André the Giant sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know? André the Giant launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Stone Cold Steve Austin can't mask the disappointment! This dude putting the league on notice wearing it on the sleeve!
The Undertaker clanks it off the rim! That sounded like the steel chair hitting the canvas ring!
John Cena calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's executive producer mentality!
John Cena is spent! Used up like the next blockbuster after an executive producer's long day!
John Cena walks off in defeat! Even an executive producer's skills couldn't save tonight!
The Undertaker looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Hulk Hogan looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
83-108 (L)
André the Giant starts in the slasher! Playing the slasher way a wrestler plays with the rosin bag!
Hulk Hogan misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the mat canvas!
Stone Cold Steve Austin penetrates into a dead end from way beyond the arc! Turnover! Heavy feet!
John Cena gets posted up and scored on! This generational talent overpowered!
André the Giant with the crafty and-one! Natural-born leadership on display!
The players disappear into the tunnel. The Undertaker asks for an ice pack. Did you know? The Undertaker has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Stone Cold Steve Austin drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a movie actor's spirit has limits!
John Cena sends it wide! Their production slate wouldn't forgive that either!
André the Giant adjusts the matchup! Finding the right fit, the wrestler approach!
Stone Cold Steve Austin takes the rest play! Even a movie actor needs a breather!
Stone Cold Steve Austin sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a movie actor after the script binder broke!
Hulk Hogan snaps at the bench on his way out. Stone Cold Steve Austin says nothing, but his look says everything. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
98-123 (L)
Hulk Hogan takes the court to a Finals-like atmosphere! The wrestler with the rosin bag is here!
André the Giant launches a two-handed slam and... Airball! Shaky emotions under pressure at its peak!
The Undertaker drives the ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this certified bucket!
The Undertaker, this oversized freak, fouls unnecessarily at half court! Injury-prone body!
André the Giant converts off the pick and roll! A wrestler converting the mat canvas into gold!
Break! Hulk Hogan rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Did you know Hulk Hogan plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Hulk Hogan waves off the play! The authority of a wrestler in that gesture!
Stone Cold Steve Austin, this dude putting the league on notice, with the shot-clock heave! No good under the basket!
Hulk Hogan steps back the ball out of the trap! Ridiculous creativity under pressure!
Stone Cold Steve Austin is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure movie actor stubbornness!
Stone Cold Steve Austin reflects on what could have been. Ego the size of Texas the difference tonight.
John Cena bites his lip, fists clenched. Stone Cold Steve Austin shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
80-111 (L)
The Undertaker begins their shift on the hardwood! A professional wrestler starting the steel chair shift!
The Undertaker misses! Even a professional wrestler can't fix that shot!
The Undertaker throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the professional wrestler got too confident!
Hulk Hogan beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the mat canvas slipping from a wrestler!
John Cena, this tweener, pounds the scorer's table! Lack of consistency on full display!
Break! The Undertaker rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Juicy anecdote: The Undertaker was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
The Undertaker, this world-class player, pulls the trigger under the basket but no luck!
André the Giant powers through! The wrestler in them won't quit on the mat canvas!
This league veteran Stone Cold Steve Austin commits the 5-second violation! Clock management tendency to force bad shots!
Hulk Hogan, this jersey-selling name, barks at the teammate! Injury-prone body taking over!
This player making noise Stone Cold Steve Austin tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
The Undertaker's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Hulk Hogan hides his eyes under a towel. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
87-107 (L)
John Cena stretches center court! Loosening up, the executive producer is getting ready!
The Undertaker whiffs on the jumper! A professional wrestler off their game with the steel chair!
This respected competitor André the Giant gets pickpocketed at the buzzer! Sloppy handling!
André the Giant bites on the fake! Fooled like a wrestler by counterfeit the mat canvas!
Stone Cold Steve Austin, this do-it-all player, uses every inch to deliver a buzzer-beater!
Halftime. The Undertaker wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Small detail: The Undertaker wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Stone Cold Steve Austin explodes angrily after the turnover! This next-level player spiraling!
The Undertaker with the contested half-court heave driving to the hoop! No good! Bad selection!
John Cena goes to the post! That executive producer strength is showing!
John Cena is gassed! More tired than after a full day of greenlighting the next blockbuster!
This certified bucket Hulk Hogan shakes hands and moves on. In the end, defense that's basically a suggestion proved costly.
The Undertaker kicks his towel across the floor. Stone Cold Steve Austin has already left for the locker room, alone. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
77-122 (L)
John Cena checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Hulk Hogan dunks but the shot rims out! Defense that's basically a suggestion rears its ugly head!
André the Giant, this absolute unit, commits the travel! Sometimes predictable game in the footwork!
This franchise guy The Undertaker caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Stone Cold Steve Austin stares in disbelief! The look of a movie actor who just lost everything!
The players head in. Hulk Hogan slips on the wet tunnel floor. Confession: Hulk Hogan calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
John Cena, this living legend, comes up empty! A thunderous slam off target from downtown!
Hulk Hogan plays through exhaustion! The endurance of slamming the mat canvas daily!
Hulk Hogan loses the Spalding! A wrestler would never be this careless!
André the Giant attacks away from the huddle! This hooper's hooper in a dark place mentally!
The Undertaker gave it everything! Everything a professional wrestler has, left on the court!
André the Giant lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. The Undertaker decides not to comment. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
81-126 (L)
John Cena takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
John Cena misfires again! Having the next blockbuster-shaped night!
Hulk Hogan with the errant pass! This jersey-selling name needs to settle down!
Stone Cold Steve Austin fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a movie actor chasing the film character!
The Undertaker gets a technical for complaining! Lack of consistency on full display!
Time to breathe. The Undertaker has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Little secret: The Undertaker watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
The Undertaker misfires from mid-range! The steel chair calibration needed!
Stone Cold Steve Austin cramps up! Muscles tight from the script binder and the damn ball double duty!
Hulk Hogan with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost wrestler!
Hulk Hogan walks away muttering! Muttering about the mat canvas under their breath!
André the Giant packs up and heads out! Packing the rosin bag, unpacking emotions!
The Undertaker walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Hulk Hogan drags one foot after the other. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
82-127 (L)
Hulk Hogan looks dialed in from the start! Ridiculous creativity preparation showing!
André the Giant, this name that's buzzing, with a contested floater that misses off the pick and roll!
The Undertaker throws it into the stands! What was that from this jersey-selling name!
Hulk Hogan falls asleep on the weak side! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
John Cena looks to the heavens! An executive producer praying for their production slate to work!
Halftime. John Cena wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Confession: John Cena calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Stone Cold Steve Austin can't finish! The movie actor who finishes the film character can't finish the play!
Hulk Hogan grimaces through the effort! The grimace of a wrestler finishing the mat canvas!
Intercepted! Hulk Hogan's pass snatched right out of the air! A wrestler would never be that careless!
André the Giant, this beanpole, sits down hard on the bench! Defense that's basically a suggestion written all over his face!
John Cena tips the cap to the winners! The executive producer's grace with the next blockbuster!
John Cena's complexion is grey. Stone Cold Steve Austin's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
My Team finishes #16 (3W-12L). Better luck next season! MVP: Hulk Hogan.
Season Journal
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Hulk Hogan. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 193 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.
The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.
Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Hulk Hogan. The man is a wrestler. Yes, you heard that right. A wrestler. On a basketball court. With rosin bag in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Hulk Hogan had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn.
Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
My Team finishes #16 (3W-12L). Better luck next season! MVP: Hulk Hogan.
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
Do you like this creation?
Share it with your friends!
2.jpg?width=300&width=400)
