My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇸🇬
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | My Team | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
Pre-season
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Victor Wembanyama. Standing at 224 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed John F. Kennedy. The man is a statesperson. Yes, you heard that right. A statesperson. On a basketball court. With their diplomatic pouch in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. John F. Kennedy had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
77-116 (L)
This household name John F. Kennedy comes out aggressive! Opens with a layup at the top of the key!
Pikachu fires and misses off the pick and roll. Should have stuck with the fuse panel!
Domantas Sabonis throws it into the stands! What was that from this respected competitor!
Jesus Christ loses their assignment! Like losing their bare hands in the workshop!
John F. Kennedy throws their hands up! Like a statesperson when their diplomatic pouch breaks!
Halftime whistle. John F. Kennedy has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Locker room anecdote: John F. Kennedy talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
John F. Kennedy lets fly the rock into nothing! Heavy feet on full display tonight!
Jesus Christ tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a messiah's energy for the game!
This solid pro Victor Wembanyama commits the offensive foul! Turnover facing the rim!
John F. Kennedy mouths off and picks up a T! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
Pikachu fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the electrician gave everything!
Victor Wembanyama bites his lip, fists clenched. Domantas Sabonis shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
104-120 (L)
This next-level player Domantas Sabonis comes out firing! A sky hook in the first minute!
Jesus Christ rattles it out! Shaking the hardwood with their bare hands intensity!
Jesus Christ with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost messiah!
Jesus Christ, this solid build, lets the shooter get free in transition! Costly lapse!
Domantas Sabonis, this tree of a man, uses strength and skill for an off-balance shot! Complete player!
Halftime whistle! Victor Wembanyama grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Confession: Victor Wembanyama believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Pikachu argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to rewiring the fuse panel!
Pikachu lets fly the damn ball right into the defender's hands! Limited stamina!
Pikachu exploits the soft spot in the restricted area! Soft as the fuse panel under their wire strippers!
Pikachu bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like an electrician after their wire strippers overtime!
John F. Kennedy reflects on what could have been. Limited stamina the difference tonight.
Domantas Sabonis refuses the coach's embrace. Jesus Christ accepts it but his body is stiff. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
110-111 (L)
Victor Wembanyama dunks into position! This legit talent not wasting any time!
Domantas Sabonis knocks down a half-court heave from the right corner! Ice in the veins!
Pikachu gets caught flat-footed! This total unknown beaten to the spot!
Pikachu launches from deep and misses! An electrician's range doesn't apply here!
This who-is-this-guy player Pikachu refuses to accept defeat! A catch-and-shoot triple keeps hope alive!
Break! Jesus Christ has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Quick anecdote about Jesus Christ: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Domantas Sabonis misses in the clutch! A catch-and-shoot triple off the mark in the fourth quarter!
This seasoned vet Victor Wembanyama throws an elbow in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!
Pikachu wears the electrician badge with pride and plays with their wire strippers intensity!
Victor Wembanyama fades away and bricks it! Occasional mental lapses in the first half!
Victor Wembanyama walks off in silence. This guy with a proven track record gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Jesus Christ stares at the floor while Victor Wembanyama mutters something inaudible under his breath. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
97-108 (L)
Jesus Christ checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Domantas Sabonis, this walking skyscraper, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Lack of consistency!
This guy nobody was talking about Pikachu loses concentration and the damn ball with it!
Jesus Christ gambles for the steal and pays the price! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Domantas Sabonis rises up the leather with purpose! A layup! This seasoned vet means business!
Halftime! Victor Wembanyama is limping slightly heading off the court. Little secret: Victor Wembanyama has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Jesus Christ drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a messiah's spirit has limits!
A buzzer beater attempt by Domantas Sabonis falls short! Shaky emotions under pressure in the legs!
Domantas Sabonis sets the screen at the perfect angle! This player on the come-up cerebral play!
This dude putting the league on notice Victor Wembanyama is a warrior but the body says no! The four quarters of war!
Domantas Sabonis, this walking skyscraper, trudges off the gym. Lessons to take from this one.
Domantas Sabonis stares at the floor while Pikachu mutters something inaudible under his breath. I got a text from Domantas Sabonis after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
111-100 (W)
This global icon John F. Kennedy in the starting lineup! Let's see what this global icon brings!
Pikachu, this hidden prospect, knifes through for a thunderous slam on the low block! Wow!
John F. Kennedy a brilliant anticipation with authority! This solid build protecting the paint!
John F. Kennedy racks up another assist! Dishing like a statesperson who knows where everything goes!
Pikachu, this smooth operator, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Break time. John F. Kennedy bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. They say John F. Kennedy eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Pikachu lets fly and converts! A catch-and-shoot triple back to the basket! Money!
The entire arena rises for John F. Kennedy! A statesperson lifted by their diplomatic pouch and love!
John F. Kennedy trusts the system! Trust of a statesperson trusting their diplomatic pouch!
Pikachu's got those electrician hands! Gripping the Spalding like it owes them money!
Domantas Sabonis goes to work in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Jesus Christ throws chalk powder like LeBron. John F. Kennedy coughs for two minutes straight. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
119-102 (W)
Jesus Christ comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the messiah means business!
A two-handed slam by Jesus Christ! The building is rocking! This generational talent takeover!
Victor Wembanyama with the help-side flawless defensive rotation! This respected competitor always in position!
Pikachu with the transition assist! This diamond in the rough pushing the pace with a killer instinct!
Pikachu directs traffic on the gymnasium! Traffic control by an electrician with the fuse panel!
Rest. Pikachu buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Anecdote: Pikachu threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
John F. Kennedy takes off in the paint with the same confidence they bring to navigating the political storm.
John F. Kennedy tips their arm sleeve to the crowd! The statesperson gesture with their diplomatic pouch!
Jesus Christ glues the team together! Team-first mentality, pure messiah instinct!
Jesus Christ plays like they have something to prove to every messiah watching!
Jesus Christ, this generational talent, embraces the teammates! A hug with the coach! Sweet victory!
Jesus Christ and John F. Kennedy chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
88-123 (L)
Jesus Christ, this hall-of-fame lock, draws first blood! A fadeaway jumper to start!
Domantas Sabonis, this titan, can't finish back to the basket! That one stings!
Domantas Sabonis coughs up the orange! Limited stamina strikes again at the buzzer!
This rising star Pikachu bites on the fake! Beaten from way beyond the arc!
This guy with a proven track record Domantas Sabonis slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Break time. Victor Wembanyama bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Little secret: Victor Wembanyama has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
John F. Kennedy misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their diplomatic pouch at the political storm!
Pikachu is running on fumes! The electrician tank is completely empty!
This hall-of-fame lock John F. Kennedy commits the 5-second violation! Clock management tendency to force bad shots!
Jesus Christ slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a messiah hits the workbench!
Victor Wembanyama had the chances but couldn't convert. This seasoned vet left wanting.
John F. Kennedy has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Domantas Sabonis has aged ten years in forty minutes. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
127-95 (W)
The field house welcomes John F. Kennedy! The statesperson with the political storm has arrived!
Jesus Christ tallies another one! This messiah keeps racking them up!
Pikachu covers acres of the hardwood! The endurance of an electrician on a double shift!
Pikachu drops the dime! An electrician with court vision like that? Unreal!
Victor Wembanyama identifies the soft spot in the zone! This guy with a proven track record surgical precision!
Halftime! Pikachu looks in the mirror and shakes his head. They say Pikachu eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Domantas Sabonis goes coast to coast for a pull-up jumper! This seasoned vet is relentless!
Palpable tension, all because of an electrician named Pikachu with the fuse panel!
Jesus Christ fights through the screen for the team! That messiah toughness right there!
Pikachu's teammates feed off the electrician energy! That confidence is contagious!
This league veteran Domantas Sabonis walks off to a standing ovation! A boiling cauldron! Incredible!
Jesus Christ does a belly slide on the court. John F. Kennedy does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
92-118 (L)
Jesus Christ steps onto the floor! From competing the game to this, game time!
Pikachu misfires in the paint! Their wire strippers calibration needed!
Domantas Sabonis with the lazy pass! Hot head leading to easy points!
Victor Wembanyama scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Lack of consistency!
Victor Wembanyama with a killer instinct finds the angle for a devastating dunk!
Both teams head to the locker room. Pikachu wipes his forehead with his jersey. Did you know? Pikachu launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Pikachu walks away muttering! Muttering about the fuse panel under their breath!
Victor Wembanyama, this 7-footer, gets the look but can't convert from mid-range!
John F. Kennedy, this solid build, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Eyes in the back of the head!
Victor Wembanyama grabs the shorts! This well-respected player is running on fumes!
This dude putting the league on notice Victor Wembanyama congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this dude putting the league on notice.
Jesus Christ is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Domantas Sabonis waits at the tunnel entrance. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
88-133 (L)
Pikachu bounces the pill pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Domantas Sabonis dunks but overcooks it! Hot head showing up again!
Jesus Christ takes off carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Jesus Christ gives up the easy bucket! Easier than competing the game!
John F. Kennedy lets fly the towel! This guy with rings on every finger showing limited stamina!
Halftime whistle. Jesus Christ spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Did you know? Jesus Christ tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Pikachu forces a catch-and-shoot triple from downtown! This who-is-this-guy player trying too hard!
This hungry young player Pikachu signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Lack of consistency!
This name that's buzzing Victor Wembanyama dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
This first-ballot legend John F. Kennedy fouls hard out of frustration! Limited stamina showing!
Jesus Christ walks off in defeat! Even a messiah's skills couldn't save tonight!
John F. Kennedy's lip is trembling. Victor Wembanyama dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce John F. Kennedy's name. Forgive me. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
110-97 (W)
Jesus Christ sets the tone early! The messiah came to play tonight!
Pikachu strings together a sky hook off the pick and roll. Next-level basketball IQ on full display!
Pikachu, this surprise package, shuts down the play in the paint! Lockdown defender!
Jesus Christ finds them in half court! Navigating the floor like a messiah navigates rush hour!
Pikachu counters the press! Problem solved, electrician style!
Rest. Domantas Sabonis buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Confession: Domantas Sabonis believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Victor Wembanyama converts a tough bucket at the buzzer! Skill level: elite!
The crowd is on its feet! Wild stands as Domantas Sabonis takes the court!
Victor Wembanyama sprints back on defense! This well-respected player leading by example!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Jesus Christ silences the noise! An unmatched feel for the game locked in! Nothing else matters!
Game over! Jesus Christ proved a messiah belongs on the temple of basketball with their bare hands!
Domantas Sabonis slides across the court in his socks while Pikachu splashes water on everyone. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
93-117 (L)
Pikachu locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of an electrician who means business!
Victor Wembanyama misfires at half court! This solid pro searching for answers!
This all-time great Jesus Christ with turnover number buckets! Hot head is piling up!
Jesus Christ overcommits and gets beat! Limited stamina when reading the play!
Pikachu finishes through contact! Built tough from handling their wire strippers!
Well-deserved break. Pikachu looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Anecdote: Pikachu once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Jesus Christ dunks and kicks the stanchion! This basketball god losing composure!
Jesus Christ denied by the basket! Even a messiah can't pry it open!
Jesus Christ, this combo guard, exploits the mismatch from the right corner! Smart play!
Pikachu rises up sluggishly! Tendency to rush catching up with this player nobody saw coming!
Jesus Christ hangs their head! A messiah who gave everything they had!
Jesus Christ takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. John F. Kennedy doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
108-103 (W)
Pikachu announces themselves! The electrician has arrived and the building knows it!
John F. Kennedy deflects the pass and starts the break! This all-time great defense to offense!
A buzzer beater from Domantas Sabonis goes in and out! Heartbreaking from downtown!
Jesus Christ, this versatile guy, uses every inch to deliver a layup!
Victor Wembanyama, this beanpole, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
The players file out. Domantas Sabonis exchanges a tense look with the coach. Quick anecdote about Domantas Sabonis: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Victor Wembanyama delivers in the clutch! A pull-up jumper in transition! This next-level player is ice cold!
Jesus Christ swats it away! A flawless defensive rotation with that messiah strength!
This well-respected player Domantas Sabonis gets the crowd into it! A sold-out gym on fire at fever pitch!
Pikachu makes both free throws! Double-delivering like an electrician with their wire strippers!
What a game for Pikachu! Tomorrow's the fuse panel will feel easy after this!
Domantas Sabonis grabs the PA announcer's mic and shouts Jesus Christ's name. The announcer chases him. Tonight I learned Domantas Sabonis used to be a messiah before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
92-116 (L)
Victor Wembanyama, this big fella, announced to huge cheers! An electric crowd!
A bucket from Victor Wembanyama hits the iron! Lack of consistency under the spotlight!
Victor Wembanyama, this towering presence, steps out of bounds with the leather! Mental lapse!
Domantas Sabonis, this mountain of a man, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over ego the size of Texas!
Domantas Sabonis with an incredible thunderous slam from the left corner! Standing ovation!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Pikachu picks up the pace. Little secret: Pikachu listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Break's over, the players take their positions.
This up-and-coming baller Victor Wembanyama gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Pikachu takes off the orange awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this newcomer!
This total unknown Pikachu adjusts the angle mid-drive! Scary good handles body control!
Victor Wembanyama is gassed! This hooper's hooper bent over at half court! Lack of consistency catching up!
Jesus Christ walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to messiah life tomorrow!
Jesus Christ sits on the floor in the hallway. Domantas Sabonis sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Tonight I learned Jesus Christ used to be a messiah before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
84-128 (L)
John F. Kennedy wins the opening tip! Tipping off with statesperson energy!
Jesus Christ misfires again! Having the game-shaped night!
Pikachu charges right into the defender! Turnover! Shaky emotions under pressure when controlling pace!
This player making noise Domantas Sabonis picks up the cheap foul! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing!
John F. Kennedy mouths off on the final possession! A statesperson venting about the political storm!
Break! Pikachu grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Rumor has it Pikachu tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Domantas Sabonis, this beanpole, can't get a free throw to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
Domantas Sabonis, this 7-footer, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Domantas Sabonis throws it away! Heavy feet under pressure at the top of the key!
Jesus Christ is visibly upset! Upset as a messiah when the game goes sideways!
Jesus Christ shakes hands through the pain! A messiah who respects their bare hands and the game!
Victor Wembanyama pulls his cap down over his eyes. Domantas Sabonis doesn't have a cap, and it shows. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
My Team finishes #11 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season journal
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