Las Vegas Aces — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Las Vegas Aces | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. Ladies and gentlemen... Las Vegas Aces! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Albert Einstein. Just the name sends chills through the building. The man is massive, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Albert Einstein. The man is an inventor. A freaking inventor. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with their prototype sketch and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
73-118 (L)
Albert Einstein, this household name, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Albert Einstein launches and misses! The leather isn't the status quo, and it shows!
Robert Wadlow trips up in the center circle! A circus performer never trips at work... Right?
Stephen Hawking lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this hall-of-fame lock fooled!
Albert Einstein slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than an inventor hits the workbench!
Well-deserved break. John F. Kennedy looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Bus driver's confession: John F. Kennedy raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. We're back! The players look fired up.
Stephen Hawking launches from deep and misses! A university professor's range doesn't apply here!
John F. Kennedy leans on their knees! Gassed, but the statesperson keeps going!
John F. Kennedy with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost statesperson!
Rubeus Hagrid mutters to himself walking back! This guy nobody was talking about fighting inner demons!
Rubeus Hagrid, this combo guard, hangs the head. Tough loss despite night-in night-out consistency effort.
Rubeus Hagrid lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Albert Einstein holds his in. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
77-121 (L)
Tip-off! Rubeus Hagrid gets us started! Let's go!
John F. Kennedy can't find the range! Their diplomatic pouch has better accuracy than that!
Rubeus Hagrid, this swiss-army-knife type, steps out of bounds with the orange! Mental lapse!
Rubeus Hagrid falls asleep on the weak side! Injury-prone body exposed!
Stephen Hawking, this global icon, barks at the teammate! Ego the size of Texas taking over!
Halftime. The doctor examines Rubeus Hagrid's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Juicy intel: Rubeus Hagrid turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Robert Wadlow bricks another one! Building something awful with their bare hands tonight!
This franchise cornerstone Albert Einstein is a warrior but the body says no! The contest of war!
Rubeus Hagrid coughs up the orange! Defense that's basically a suggestion strikes again driving to the hoop!
Stephen Hawking mouths off and picks up a T! Injury-prone body taking over!
This guy with rings on every finger Stephen Hawking shakes hands and moves on. In the end, sometimes predictable game proved costly.
Robert Wadlow lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Rubeus Hagrid holds his in. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
85-130 (L)
Robert Wadlow takes the court to a roaring arena! The circus performer with their bare hands is here!
John F. Kennedy dunks but the shot rims out! Defense that's basically a suggestion rears its ugly head!
Stephen Hawking, this smooth operator, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from the right corner!
Stephen Hawking, this versatile guy, fouls unnecessarily driving to the hoop! Hot head!
Robert Wadlow vents at their teammates! The circus performer who vents about the game!
Rest. Robert Wadlow buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Word is Robert Wadlow sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Albert Einstein misses the open look! An inventor never misses the status quo... But misses the Wilson!
Rubeus Hagrid, this smooth operator, with tired legs on the low block! Shaky emotions under pressure slowing this potential breakout star down!
Albert Einstein gets picked! An inventor getting the status quo stolen in broad daylight!
John F. Kennedy drops the head after another miss! Sometimes predictable game sapping the confidence!
Robert Wadlow, this titan, trudges off the field house. Lessons to take from this one.
Albert Einstein looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. John F. Kennedy looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
74-119 (L)
John F. Kennedy, this versatile guy, announced to huge cheers! A boiling cauldron!
Albert Einstein, this hall-of-fame lock, sends the Spalding wide! The touch is off tonight!
Robert Wadlow dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a circus performer like that!
This hall-of-fame lock John F. Kennedy can't recover! Scored on in the paint! Lack of consistency!
This player nobody saw coming Rubeus Hagrid stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Finally a breather. Albert Einstein has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Did you know? Albert Einstein has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Robert Wadlow bricks it! Not the same accuracy as competing the game!
Albert Einstein is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure inventor stubbornness!
Stephen Hawking with the careless pass! Challenging the young scholars with more care, please!
Stephen Hawking tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the university professor will bounce back!
Stephen Hawking sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a university professor after their lecture notes broke!
Stephen Hawking shakes John F. Kennedy's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
77-121 (L)
Stephen Hawking, this smooth operator, sets the tone immediately! A gym-rat work ethic from the jump!
Stephen Hawking with a wild attempt! This living legend not finding the range tonight!
Robert Wadlow with a wild pass that sails out! This All-Star caliber talent giving it away!
Stephen Hawking loses the screen battle! Hot head around the picks!
John F. Kennedy buries their face! Hidden from view, the statesperson can't watch!
Halftime! Rubeus Hagrid looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Fun fact: Rubeus Hagrid blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Albert Einstein off the back iron! Hard miss, even an inventor cringes at that!
Rubeus Hagrid crosses over sluggishly! Tendency to rush catching up with this who-is-this-guy player!
Albert Einstein charges right into the defender! Turnover! Limited stamina when controlling pace!
Stephen Hawking throws their hands up! Like a university professor when their lecture notes breaks!
Albert Einstein packs up and heads out! Packing their prototype sketch, unpacking emotions!
Stephen Hawking looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Albert Einstein looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
81-125 (L)
Stephen Hawking checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Robert Wadlow clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their bare hands hitting the game!
Rubeus Hagrid pulls up the ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this guy nobody was talking about!
Albert Einstein gets crossed over! This once-in-a-lifetime player left frozen on the low block!
John F. Kennedy can't hide the frustration! Their diplomatic pouch frustration meets the ball frustration!
Back in the locker room, Robert Wadlow sits down and stares at the ceiling. True story: Robert Wadlow walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Los Angeles Nursing-Home. Awkward. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
A half-court heave from Albert Einstein goes in and out! Heartbreaking from the right corner!
Rubeus Hagrid dribbles but the legs won't cooperate! Defense that's basically a suggestion catching up!
Stolen from Albert Einstein! An inventor who let it slip through their fingers!
Robert Wadlow drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a circus performer's spirit has limits!
Robert Wadlow wipes a tear! A circus performer who poured everything into the effort!
Albert Einstein hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Rubeus Hagrid keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. Evening confession: I'm wearing Albert Einstein's jersey under my shirt. For morale. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
75-120 (L)
John F. Kennedy announces themselves! The statesperson has arrived and the building knows it!
John F. Kennedy can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this absolute legend!
This certified GOAT candidate Stephen Hawking with turnover number buckets! Tendency to rush is piling up!
Rubeus Hagrid, this tweener, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over occasional mental lapses!
Stephen Hawking pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The university professor in them is showing!
The players file out. Rubeus Hagrid exchanges a tense look with the coach. Quick anecdote about Rubeus Hagrid: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Stephen Hawking can't convert the open shot! Challenging the young scholars is way easier!
Albert Einstein drags their feet! Heavy as their prototype sketch at the end of a shift!
John F. Kennedy coughs it up! A statesperson's grip doesn't work on the Wilson!
Stephen Hawking argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to challenging the young scholars!
Rubeus Hagrid, this surprise package, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
John F. Kennedy takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Albert Einstein follows the same path. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
82-126 (L)
John F. Kennedy sets the tone early! The statesperson came to play tonight!
That one wasn't even close, Robert Wadlow! Stick to competing the game!
Robert Wadlow passes to nobody! This certified bucket with a head-scratching decision!
Rubeus Hagrid reacts too late to rotate! Lack of consistency on the help side!
Albert Einstein glares at the leather! Like it personally betrayed this inventor!
Both teams head to the locker room. Stephen Hawking wipes his forehead with his jersey. Little secret: Stephen Hawking watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Rubeus Hagrid fires a pull-up jumper at half court but can't connect! Heavy feet showing!
Robert Wadlow finds a second wind! The circus performer engine roars back to life!
Rubeus Hagrid penetrates carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Robert Wadlow is visibly upset! Upset as a circus performer when the game goes sideways!
This certified GOAT candidate Stephen Hawking stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this certified GOAT candidate wanted.
Robert Wadlow whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Rubeus Hagrid nods without conviction. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
88-132 (L)
Stephen Hawking dishes into position! This once-in-a-lifetime player not wasting any time!
Robert Wadlow, this long boy, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Tendency to rush!
This potential breakout star Rubeus Hagrid gets pickpocketed at half court! Sloppy handling!
Robert Wadlow loses their assignment! Like losing their bare hands in the workshop!
Robert Wadlow can't mask the disappointment! This top-tier talent wearing it on the sleeve!
Halftime! Rubeus Hagrid looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Rumor has it Rubeus Hagrid tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
This living legend John F. Kennedy throws up a prayer along the baseline! Not answered!
Albert Einstein is running on pure willpower! This generational talent refusing to quit!
Stephen Hawking gets the ball stripped! The young scholars would have stayed in a university professor's grip!
This living legend John F. Kennedy gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Despite the loss, John F. Kennedy held their own with the political storm! The statesperson fought!
Robert Wadlow sits on the bench, staring into nothing. John F. Kennedy has his head in his hands. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
83-127 (L)
Robert Wadlow pulls up with energy from the opening whistle! This max-contract guy locked in!
Stephen Hawking misses the free throw! Challenging the young scholars under pressure is easier!
John F. Kennedy turns it over at the jump ball! A statesperson dropping their diplomatic pouch at the worst time!
Rubeus Hagrid turns the head and loses the man! This newcomer napping defensively!
John F. Kennedy storms to the bench! Heated! This statesperson doesn't handle losing well!
Halftime whistle. John F. Kennedy flops into the first available chair. Anecdote: John F. Kennedy lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
John F. Kennedy misses! Even a statesperson can't fix that shot!
Robert Wadlow can't get lift! Legs heavy as their bare hands after the 48 regulation minutes!
Albert Einstein commits the live-ball turnover! Their prototype sketch would be ashamed!
Stephen Hawking stares in disbelief! The look of a university professor who just lost everything!
John F. Kennedy absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a statesperson knows tough days!
John F. Kennedy mutters while walking out. Rubeus Hagrid watches from the corner of his eye, worried. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce John F. Kennedy's name. Forgive me. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
79-124 (L)
And we're underway! Rubeus Hagrid touches the Wilson first! This newcomer looks eager!
Robert Wadlow short on the attempt! Needs the reach of their bare hands!
Rubeus Hagrid with the lazy pass! Tendency to force bad shots leading to easy points!
Robert Wadlow, this long boy, lets the shooter get free from the left corner! Costly lapse!
Stephen Hawking shakes their head! A university professor who can't believe that just happened!
The players file out. John F. Kennedy exchanges a tense look with the coach. True story: John F. Kennedy had his parking spot stolen by New York Over-Timers's mascot. Still talks about it. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
John F. Kennedy misfires again! Having the political storm-shaped night!
Stephen Hawking tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a university professor's energy for the young scholars!
This undisputed superstar Stephen Hawking forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
This dude out of nowhere Rubeus Hagrid shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Rubeus Hagrid had the chances but couldn't convert. This hungry young player left wanting.
John F. Kennedy taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Albert Einstein walks through the door without pushing it. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
75-119 (L)
Rubeus Hagrid fires away onto the floor! The crowd roars for this raw talent!
John F. Kennedy goes to work the rock into the front rim! That's frustrating for this potential GOAT!
Albert Einstein forces the pass! Forcing their prototype sketch where it doesn't fit!
John F. Kennedy left in the dust! Even a statesperson moves faster than that!
Stephen Hawking looks to the heavens! A university professor praying for their lecture notes to work!
Both teams head to the locker room. Stephen Hawking wipes his forehead with his jersey. Little secret: Stephen Hawking listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Robert Wadlow can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the ball differently than the game!
Rubeus Hagrid, this total unknown, is dragging! The allotted time minutes taking their toll!
John F. Kennedy loses the pill! A statesperson would never be this careless!
This first-ballot legend Stephen Hawking hangs the head after the miss! Deflated at half court!
Albert Einstein leaves the court quietly! Quiet as an inventor after the status quo setback!
Rubeus Hagrid stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Stephen Hawking comes back to get him. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
88-132 (L)
John F. Kennedy fires up the crowd to open the game! This guy with rings on every finger starting strong!
Albert Einstein can't convert! The inventor's touch with the status quo deserted them!
Robert Wadlow, this oversized freak, fumbles the entry pass driving to the hoop!
Albert Einstein can't stay in front! Revolutionizing the status quo doesn't build lateral quickness!
Robert Wadlow, this colossus, waves off the play call! Hot head hurting the team!
Break! John F. Kennedy takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Fun fact: John F. Kennedy failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Rubeus Hagrid dishes the Wilson but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Stephen Hawking waves for a timeout! The university professor needs the young scholars break!
Robert Wadlow spins into a trap! Tendency to rush when reading the defense!
Albert Einstein mouths off in the money time! An inventor venting about the status quo!
This guy with rings on every finger Albert Einstein tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
John F. Kennedy's eyes are glassy. Rubeus Hagrid mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
90-134 (L)
This household name Albert Einstein comes out firing! An and-one in the first minute!
John F. Kennedy takes a tough alley-oop and it doesn't go! Injury-prone body in shot selection!
Albert Einstein loses possession! The status quo never leaves an inventor's hands like that!
Robert Wadlow gambles for the steal and pays the price! Injury-prone body!
Albert Einstein takes off and kicks the stanchion! This absolute legend losing composure!
Both teams head to the locker room. Robert Wadlow wipes his forehead with his jersey. Did you know Robert Wadlow keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
John F. Kennedy can't buy a bucket! Maybe the political storm would be easier to aim!
Albert Einstein asks for ice! Cooling down, even an inventor's engine needs a rest!
This world-class player Robert Wadlow dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Albert Einstein glares at the scoreboard! This once-in-a-lifetime player not happy with the situation!
Rubeus Hagrid crosses over past the media. This total unknown not in the mood to talk.
Albert Einstein hurls his water bottle at the wall. Robert Wadlow flinches but doesn't react. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
88-133 (L)
Albert Einstein, this do-it-all player, takes the court! The cathedral silence is electric!
Stephen Hawking lets fly the Wilson into nothing! Limited stamina on full display tonight!
John F. Kennedy loses the ball in traffic! This generational talent can't afford that!
Stephen Hawking watches helplessly! A university professor watching the young scholars fall off the shelf!
This household name John F. Kennedy throws an elbow in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!
Halftime. The doctor examines Rubeus Hagrid's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Intel: Rubeus Hagrid refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
John F. Kennedy takes off the rock awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this all-time great!
Stephen Hawking is clearly fatigued! This ball game of this plus this ball game of challenging the young scholars!
Albert Einstein with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the status quo!
Robert Wadlow fades away angrily after the turnover! This franchise guy spiraling!
Robert Wadlow tips the cap to the winners! The circus performer's grace with the game!
Albert Einstein's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. John F. Kennedy breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Las Vegas Aces finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Albert Einstein.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. Ladies and gentlemen... Las Vegas Aces!
Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Albert Einstein. Just the name sends chills through the building. The man is massive, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.
What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Albert Einstein. The man is an inventor. A freaking inventor. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with their prototype sketch and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered.
Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Las Vegas Aces finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Albert Einstein.
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