My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | My Team | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Shaquille O'Neal! Picture this: standing at 216 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Superman. The man is a superhero. Yes, you heard that right. A superhero. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Superman had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
89-103 (L)
Bronny James, this legit talent, draws first blood! A reverse layup to start!
Shaquille O'Neal clanks another one off the rim! This all-time great needs to find rhythm!
Bronny James coughs up the pill! Ego the size of Texas strikes again back to the basket!
This dude putting the league on notice Bronny James caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Stephen Curry knocks down a tear drop at the buzzer! Ice in the veins!
Coach calls everyone back. Bronny James drags his feet toward the tunnel. Did you know Bronny James once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Shaquille O'Neal storms to the bench! This living legend is visibly upset!
Shaquille O'Neal, this 7-footer, wastes a golden chance with a wild alley-oop!
Goku fades away to the weak side! This established star exploiting the rotation!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
This first-ballot legend Shaquille O'Neal shakes hands and moves on. In the end, tendency to rush proved costly.
Bronny James sits on the floor in the hallway. Goku sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
135-89 (W)
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, announced to huge cheers! An electric crowd!
Goku just treated the damn ball the way they treat the stubborn soil. An and-one, bang!
Stephen Curry with the incredible court vision! This max-contract guy sees passes nobody else does!
Superman makes it look easy! As easy as a superhero competing the game!
This hooper's hooper Bronny James with the weak-side rebound in traffic! Incredible help!
First half is done. Shaquille O'Neal is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Intel: Shaquille O'Neal once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Superman, this combo guard, glides to along the baseline for a silky fadeaway jumper!
Bronny James piles it on! A sky hook extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
Superman shoots the free throw on the wrong basket! Somebody say something!
Bronny James attacks and moonwalks back! A team high-five! It's showtime, baby!
Goku with the game ball! Earned it the hard way, farmer style!
Stephen Curry does the floss while Goku spins like a top. Superman just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. Behind the scenes, I learned Goku was also a farmer in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
133-87 (W)
Stephen Curry, this tweener, sets the tone immediately! Nerves of steel from the jump!
Superman hits during crunch time! Clutch like a superhero meeting a deadline!
Goku serves it on a platter! A farmer serving the stubborn soil with style!
Goku carves through and scores! That's what a farmer does best!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by a killer instinct!
Break! Stephen Curry has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Rumor has it Stephen Curry talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Stephen Curry shoots past the defense for a devastating dunk! Size advantage from this this solid build!
Shaquille O'Neal with a showtime pull-up jumper! This first-ballot legend enjoying every second!
Shaquille O'Neal, this mammoth, steps on the teammate's foot! Down goes this basketball god!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, chest bumps the teammate! A slide across the hardwood! Pure joy!
This guy with rings on every finger Shaquille O'Neal led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Shaquille O'Neal and Superman pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
109-86 (W)
This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal means business! Fast start from downtown!
Stephen Curry, this top-tier talent, operates from the right corner with a reverse layup! Clinic!
Bronny James, this all-around player, contests without fouling! Clean as a whistle!
Bronny James, this versatile guy, finds the trailer! A buzzer-beater off the assist, easy money!
Superman calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's superhero mentality!
Halftime! Bronny James has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Physio's confession: Bronny James purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Goku, this do-it-all player, uses strength and skill for a euro-step! Complete player!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry gets the crowd into it! A cathedral silence at fever pitch!
Bronny James, this next-level player, communicates the switch! Silky smooth technique and vocal leadership!
The legend of Stephen Curry grows! This franchise guy adding another chapter from way beyond the arc!
This franchise guy Stephen Curry walks off to a standing ovation! An electric crowd! Incredible!
Shaquille O'Neal hits a dab in 2026. Stephen Curry does an ironic dab. Goku has no idea what that is. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
117-85 (W)
Goku explodes with energy from the opening whistle! This bonafide star locked in!
A devastating dunk! Stephen Curry cannot be stopped tonight! This top-tier talent is locked in!
Stephen Curry, this All-Star caliber talent, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a buzzer-beater!
Stephen Curry with the highlight-reel buzzer-beater! This certified bucket owning the moment!
This respected competitor Bronny James anchors the defense in the paint! Nothing gets through!
Coach calls everyone back. Superman drags his feet toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Superman logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Stephen Curry with an unmatched feel for the game finds the angle for a buzzer beater!
Superman and the garbage time lineup! This first-ballot legend can rest easy!
Bronny James steps back and pulls up at half court! Time? There's a full quarter left!
Superman does a victory lap! Lapping the court with superhero swagger!
Shaquille O'Neal takes off to the crowd! A team high-five! This once-in-a-lifetime player gave everything!
Stephen Curry and Goku share a 30-second hug. Shaquille O'Neal wants in. Gets pushed away. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
100-99 (W)
Bronny James, this versatile guy, is introduced and the arena explodes! This established player is in the building!
Shaquille O'Neal with the help-side perfect contest! This generational talent always in position!
Superman posts up but the shot rims out! Injury-prone body rears its ugly head!
Superman converts a tough fadeaway jumper at the buzzer! Skill level: elite!
Goku overloads one side! Loading up with farmer strategy!
That's a wrap for now. Bronny James dives into the tunnel. Confession: Bronny James calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Goku, this elite player, orchestrates the last possession! A double-clutch layup! Perfection!
Shaquille O'Neal rotates perfectly for the clutch steal! A gym-rat work ethic on full display!
You can feel a sold-out gym on fire through the screen! Bronny James in the spotlight!
Goku blocks the potential winner! A farmer blocking the stubborn soil from disaster!
Shaquille O'Neal, this 7-footer, acknowledges the fans! A boiling cauldron! A primal scream!
Shaquille O'Neal and Bronny James stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. Tonight I learned Shaquille O'Neal used to be a farmer before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
119-90 (W)
This undisputed superstar Superman opens the scoring! A sky hook! Early advantage!
Shaquille O'Neal converts facing the rim! A pull-up jumper with trademark natural-born leadership!
This big-name player Goku with a critical stop! A commanding rebound when it counts!
Goku reads the defense! Studying them like it's farmer homework!
Bronny James drives with purpose every possession! This seasoned vet chess master!
The players file out. Stephen Curry exchanges a tense look with the coach. Rumor has it Stephen Curry does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
This franchise cornerstone Superman does it again! A deep three with effortless precision!
The arena trembles! Shaquille O'Neal with the play and a cathedral silence follows!
Stephen Curry finds the open teammate! This franchise guy making everyone better!
Stephen Curry is writing the story tonight! This franchise guy with a pull-up jumper at the buzzer!
Bronny James, this tweener, takes the final bow! A raised fist! Dominant display!
Superman does a backflip. Well, he tries. Stephen Curry applauds the effort. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
103-114 (L)
Tip-off! Stephen Curry gets us started! Let's go!
Bronny James forces up a euro-step over the defense! Sometimes predictable game! Bad decision!
Superman fires away the damn ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this household name!
This name that's buzzing Bronny James commits the and-one foul! Hot head in positioning!
Bronny James, this do-it-all player, carves up the defense for a pull-up jumper! Beautiful!
Break. Goku asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Anecdote: Goku once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Stephen Curry attacks and kicks the stanchion! This top-tier talent losing composure!
This reliable star Stephen Curry shanks an off-balance shot driving to the hoop! That's uncharacteristic!
This all-time great Superman attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Superman is spent! Used up like the game after a superhero's long day!
Stephen Curry shoots to the tunnel in disappointment. This All-Star caliber talent will learn from this.
Shaquille O'Neal refuses the coach's embrace. Stephen Curry accepts it but his body is stiff. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
114-84 (W)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Shaquille O'Neal comes out aggressive! Opens with a pull-up jumper from downtown!
Goku racks up a buzzer beater! Productive night for this farmer!
Stephen Curry with the touch pass! This multi-time All-Star barely had the damn ball and found the man!
Superman scores again! When you're a superhero by trade, the leather is child's play!
Shaquille O'Neal with the chase-down defensive rebound! What athleticism!
Break! Shaquille O'Neal has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Intel: Shaquille O'Neal once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
This certified bucket Stephen Curry with a beautiful free throw under the basket! Poetry in motion!
Shaquille O'Neal steps back with confidence! The game is well in hand for this franchise cornerstone!
This established player Bronny James trash talks then immediately misses! Karma!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry rallies the crowd! A fist pump toward the bench in transition! Deafening!
Superman launches off the court victorious! This absolute legend leaves it all out there!
Superman and Shaquille O'Neal swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
122-83 (W)
Superman lands the first bucket! First blood! The superhero strikes first!
Stephen Curry shoots past everyone for a tear drop! This do-it-all player on a mission!
Goku, this solid build, drops the dime! That dawg mentality passing on display!
Goku banks it in transition! A farmer's steady hand at work!
Goku defends the post! Sturdy as a farmer braced for impact!
Halftime. Goku wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Did you know Goku started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
This well-respected player Bronny James with a cold-blooded layup! No conscience!
Shaquille O'Neal rises up without breaking a sweat! This global icon cruise control!
Bronny James pulls up the wrong way on offense! This guy with a proven track record needs a GPS!
Superman gestures with invisible their bare hands! The signature superhero celebration!
Stephen Curry hugs the coach! This jersey-selling name with a complete performance!
Superman points both hands at the sky. Stephen Curry points at Superman. Shaquille O'Neal points at the exit. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
122-87 (W)
Bronny James lets fly into position! This guy with a proven track record not wasting any time!
Shaquille O'Neal explodes the damn ball beautifully for a finger roll! What touch!
Shaquille O'Neal whips the pass cross-court! Assist! This giant seeing everything!
Shaquille O'Neal dishes and it's a half-court heave! This absolute legend proving the doubters wrong!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tree of a man, walls off the drive from the left corner! No way through!
Halftime whistle. Superman has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Small detail: Superman whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, takes over along the baseline. A tear drop! That's elite!
Bronny James and the starters head to the bench! Job done, game over!
Bronny James penetrates with the wrong hand! Ambidextrous experiment by this seasoned vet!
Bronny James, this legit talent, with the too-small gesture! A primal scream! Mismatch!
Goku waves goodbye to the gymnasium! See you next time, from the seed dibber to the Spalding!
Stephen Curry does a handstand. Superman holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
100-106 (L)
Bronny James looks dialed in from the start! Iron discipline preparation showing!
Goku just barely misses! Close as a farmer getting the stubborn soil almost right!
Intercepted! Goku's pass snatched right out of the air! A farmer would never be that careless!
Goku gets posted up and scored on! This multi-time All-Star overpowered!
Bronny James with the smooth free throw! This solid pro making it look easy!
Intermission. Superman dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Rumor has it Superman talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Bronny James posts up away from the huddle! This up-and-coming baller in a dark place mentally!
Goku can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this world-class player!
Stephen Curry goes to work into the right spacing! Ridiculous creativity and elite court awareness!
Goku barely gets back on defense! Moving like a farmer on a Friday afternoon!
Goku fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the farmer gave everything!
Stephen Curry's complexion is grey. Goku's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
102-98 (W)
Bronny James, this legit talent, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Superman rejects the layup! A rebound in traffic by this tweener! Get that out!
This name that's buzzing Bronny James rattles it out! So close yet so far from the right corner!
This certified bucket Stephen Curry capitalizes from the left corner! A bank shot with an unmatched feel for the game!
Superman with the perfect cut! Precision of a superhero with their bare hands!
Back in the locker room, Stephen Curry sits down and stares at the ceiling. Confession: Stephen Curry calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
This household name Shaquille O'Neal silences the crowd! An off-balance shot at half court! Stone cold!
Goku, this established star, clamps down on the star player! An off-the-charts basketball IQ on the assignment!
Bronny James rises up in front of the home faithful! Wild stands! Beautiful!
Superman controls the pace! Tempo control from a natural-born superhero!
Goku puts a bow on it! Clean finish, just like a farmer wrapping up the job!
Superman and Bronny James stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
98-110 (L)
Superman gets the starting nod! A superhero starting with their bare hands confidence!
Stephen Curry posts up but it's well off! Tendency to rush under fatigue!
Goku throws it out of bounds! Like launching the seed dibber into the void!
Shaquille O'Neal, this oversized freak, fouls unnecessarily facing the rim! Ego the size of Texas!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry erupts for a double-clutch layup! The floodgates are open!
Rest. Goku buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Did you know Goku started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Bronny James posts up the towel! This solid pro showing defense that's basically a suggestion!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tree of a man, bobbles the orange and the chance evaporates along the baseline!
Shaquille O'Neal uses the hesitation dribble! Insane court vision creating separation!
Bronny James steps back a step slower than usual! Ego the size of Texas in the tank!
Goku consoles teammates! The heart of a farmer in that moment!
Shaquille O'Neal presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Superman walks right past without noticing. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
107-103 (W)
Superman wins the opening tip! Tipping off with superhero energy!
Stephen Curry a commanding rebound and starts the fast break! Defense wins championships!
Goku, this smooth operator, can't finish from way beyond the arc! That one stings!
Superman, this once-in-a-lifetime player, absolutely nails a catch-and-shoot triple from the left corner! Take a bow!
Superman shifts the defense! Moving pieces like a superhero at work!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Shaquille O'Neal asks for an ice pack. Anecdote: Shaquille O'Neal threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Superman sinks it when it counts! Money time for this superhero!
Superman swats it away! A perfect contest with that superhero strength!
What a Playoff atmosphere! Superman and the fans creating a spectacle!
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry steals it in the first quarter! Turns defense into points!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, celebrates the win! A hug with the coach! What a game!
Stephen Curry hugs the mascot. Shaquille O'Neal hugs the referee. Awkward. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
My Team ends the season #4 with a 11W-4L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby!
Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Shaquille O'Neal! Picture this: standing at 216 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight.
But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Superman. The man is a superhero. Yes, you heard that right. A superhero. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Superman had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn.
Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
My Team ends the season #4 with a 11W-4L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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