My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Jesus Christ is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. The man is massive, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. The chef's surprise of the evening is Joe Biden. A university professor by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the young scholars with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
74-119 (L)
Jesus Christ, this swiss-army-knife type, sets the tone immediately! Silky smooth technique from the jump!
That one wasn't even close, Donald Trump! Stick to bankrolling the next venture!
Stolen from Jesus Christ! A messiah who let it slip through their fingers!
Joe Biden left in the dust! Even a university professor moves faster than that!
Warren Buffett slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than an investor hits the workbench!
Cut! Halftime. Donald Trump's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Locker room anecdote: Donald Trump talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Air ball from Donald Trump! Being an investor doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Joe Biden is dead on their feet! Running on fumes, the university professor is spent!
King Kong, this versatile guy, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted at half court!
This global icon Donald Trump stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
This first-ballot legend Donald Trump congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this first-ballot legend.
Jesus Christ clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Donald Trump fidgets with his wristband nervously. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
78-113 (L)
And we're underway! King Kong touches the rock first! This All-Star caliber talent looks eager!
A bucket from King Kong hits the iron! Defense that's basically a suggestion under the spotlight!
Donald Trump throws it away! Limited stamina under pressure from the left corner!
Donald Trump, this all-around player, can't keep up with the speed! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
Warren Buffett, this guy with rings on every finger, barks at the teammate! Shaky emotions under pressure taking over!
Break. Warren Buffett collapses next to the vending machine. Fun fact: Warren Buffett is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Joe Biden misses! Even a university professor can't fix that shot!
Warren Buffett, this combo guard, looks exhausted from the left corner! The legs are gone!
Sloppy handling by Warren Buffett! Bankrolling the next venture is done with more finesse!
Jesus Christ throws their hands up! Like a messiah when their bare hands breaks!
King Kong, this top-tier talent, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Warren Buffett's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Joe Biden breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
86-131 (L)
Donald Trump, this smooth operator, takes the court! The immense pressure is electric!
Donald Trump, this swiss-army-knife type, bobbles the ball and the chance evaporates on the low block!
King Kong tries to be too fancy and loses the orange! Hot head in the decision-making!
Jesus Christ loses their assignment! Like losing their bare hands in the workshop!
Joe Biden mouths off at right from the tip-off! A university professor venting about the young scholars!
Rest time. Warren Buffett isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Did you know Warren Buffett entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Joe Biden bricks another one! Building something awful with their lecture notes tonight!
This headliner King Kong can barely jump! The springs are gone at the top of the key!
Joe Biden passes to nobody! This household name with a head-scratching decision!
Jesus Christ shakes their head! A messiah who can't believe that just happened!
Donald Trump looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for an investor!
Donald Trump bites his lip, fists clenched. Joe Biden shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
82-126 (L)
Joe Biden checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Warren Buffett with the ugly miss! The investor touch is absent tonight!
King Kong goes to work the Wilson right to the defense! Costly mistake by this franchise guy!
Donald Trump, this tweener, gets exploited in the switch! Tendency to force bad shots exposed in the mismatch!
Donald Trump drops their shoulders! Deflated, even an investor's spirit has limits!
Off to the locker room. Joe Biden has already drained two water bottles. Did you know Joe Biden once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
This global icon Jesus Christ rattles it out! So close yet so far in transition!
Donald Trump digs deep! Deep as an investor digs into the next venture!
Jesus Christ throws it away! A pass worse than a messiah tossing the game!
King Kong gets a technical for complaining! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
Warren Buffett sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like an investor after their portfolio ledger broke!
Donald Trump pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Joe Biden takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
81-126 (L)
Joe Biden, this generational talent, embraces the Playoff atmosphere! Game on!
Warren Buffett, this living legend, comes up empty! A floater off target at half court!
Joe Biden with the careless pass! Challenging the young scholars with more care, please!
Warren Buffett gives up the back door! Limited stamina when overplaying!
Joe Biden, this all-time great, with the frustrated foul! Tendency to force bad shots in tough moments!
Cut! Halftime. Joe Biden's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. True story: Joe Biden walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Phoenix No-Defense. Awkward. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Jesus Christ bricks it! Not the same accuracy as competing the game!
Warren Buffett bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like an investor after their portfolio ledger overtime!
Jesus Christ throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the messiah got too confident!
Jesus Christ kicks the air! The frustration of a messiah who knows they can do better!
Jesus Christ absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a messiah knows tough days!
King Kong unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Jesus Christ runs a hand down his face. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
81-126 (L)
King Kong crosses over into position! This headliner not wasting any time!
This global icon Donald Trump short-arms a sky hook from mid-range! Not enough lift!
Joe Biden with the backcourt violation! A university professor going backwards with the young scholars!
Joe Biden, this smooth operator, gets blown by on the perimeter! Heavy feet in the legs!
This basketball god Warren Buffett gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Halftime whistle! Jesus Christ slides down against the hallway wall. Small detail: Jesus Christ whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Brick! Jesus Christ misfires at the buzzer! Injury-prone body at the worst time!
Warren Buffett, this first-ballot legend, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Warren Buffett loses the orange! An investor would never be this careless!
Donald Trump looks to the heavens! An investor praying for their portfolio ledger to work!
Jesus Christ, this all-time great, takes the loss hard. Sometimes predictable game at the wrong moments.
Warren Buffett's eyes are red, jaw tight. Joe Biden apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
89-133 (L)
This world-class player King Kong in the starting lineup! Let's see what this world-class player brings!
Jesus Christ, this franchise cornerstone, sends the orange wide! The touch is off tonight!
King Kong coughs up the orange! Limited stamina strikes again off the pick and roll!
Donald Trump turns the head and loses the man! This basketball god napping defensively!
Warren Buffett dishes the towel! This guy with rings on every finger showing ego the size of Texas!
Back in the locker room, King Kong sits down and stares at the ceiling. Staff confession: King Kong is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Donald Trump rises up the damn ball into the front rim! That's frustrating for this first-ballot legend!
Joe Biden, this combo guard, with tired legs off the pick and roll! Lack of consistency slowing this global icon down!
Joe Biden, this combo guard, gets stripped at the top of the key! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
Donald Trump can't mask the disappointment! This generational talent wearing it on the sleeve!
Donald Trump walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to investor life tomorrow!
Warren Buffett bites the inside of his cheek. Jesus Christ pinches the bridge of his nose. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
88-133 (L)
King Kong, this tweener, announced to huge cheers! A sold-out gym on fire!
Joe Biden with the contested pull-up jumper from mid-range! No good! Bad selection!
This undisputed superstar Donald Trump with turnover number points! Heavy feet is piling up!
Joe Biden gets posterized! A university professor framed by their lecture notes in the worst way!
King Kong storms to the bench! This top-tier talent is visibly upset!
Break. King Kong collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Juicy anecdote: King Kong was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Warren Buffett misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their portfolio ledger at the next venture!
Donald Trump is gassed! More tired than after a full day of bankrolling the next venture!
Jesus Christ commits the live-ball turnover! Their bare hands would be ashamed!
King Kong, this smooth operator, pounds the scorer's table! Heavy feet on full display!
Jesus Christ tips the cap to the winners! The messiah's grace with the game!
Jesus Christ rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. King Kong picks up his own and folds it carefully. Behind the scenes, I learned King Kong was also an investor in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
84-128 (L)
Donald Trump, this basketball god, draws first blood! A double-clutch layup to start!
King Kong misfires under the basket! Even this certified bucket has off nights!
Jesus Christ with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost messiah!
Donald Trump gives up the easy bucket! Easier than bankrolling the next venture!
Warren Buffett waves off the play! The authority of an investor in that gesture!
Halftime. Warren Buffett glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Anecdote: Warren Buffett once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Jesus Christ, this smooth operator, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this undisputed superstar!
Warren Buffett takes off but the legs won't cooperate! Limited stamina catching up!
Turnover by Donald Trump! Bankrolling the next venture requires less coordination, clearly!
This franchise cornerstone Donald Trump throws an elbow in frustration! Limited stamina on full display!
This bonafide star King Kong tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Warren Buffett slams his fist on the bench. Joe Biden places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
86-131 (L)
This jersey-selling name King Kong catches the ball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Joe Biden gets blocked! Rejected harder than a university professor's worst day on the job!
Warren Buffett posts up into a dead end in the paint! Turnover! Limited stamina!
King Kong gets screened out of the play! This big-name player lost in traffic!
Donald Trump argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to bankrolling the next venture!
That's a cut. Donald Trump stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Donald Trump failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
This potential GOAT Joe Biden puts up a double-clutch layup but it won't fall! Off night!
Jesus Christ grabs the shorts! This generational talent is running on fumes!
King Kong throws it into the stands! What was that from this All-Star caliber talent!
Joe Biden picks up the second technical! This guy with rings on every finger ejected! Injury-prone body!
Joe Biden packs up and heads out! Packing their lecture notes, unpacking emotions!
Joe Biden walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Donald Trump speeds up. Wants it to be over. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
78-122 (L)
Donald Trump gets the starting nod! An investor starting with their portfolio ledger confidence!
Jesus Christ sends it wide! Their bare hands wouldn't forgive that either!
Donald Trump dribbles it off their foot! Their portfolio ledger would never betray an investor like that!
Joe Biden gets burned on the drive! Defense that's basically a suggestion in lateral movement!
Warren Buffett, this do-it-all player, waves off the play call! Shaky emotions under pressure hurting the team!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, King Kong picks up the pace. They say King Kong has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
King Kong launches a pull-up jumper and... Airball! Lack of consistency at its peak!
Donald Trump, this swiss-army-knife type, laboring up and down! Tendency to force bad shots draining the energy!
Jesus Christ gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a messiah's grip!
Donald Trump walks away muttering! Muttering about the next venture under their breath!
Joe Biden walks off in defeat! Even a university professor's skills couldn't save tonight!
King Kong's eyes are glassy. Jesus Christ mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
86-131 (L)
Jesus Christ stretches center court! Loosening up, the messiah is getting ready!
Jesus Christ, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the look but can't convert from the left corner!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Warren Buffett forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Jesus Christ gets blown by! Even a messiah couldn't stop that!
Warren Buffett sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like an investor after a long shift!
Break. Donald Trump asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Did you know? Donald Trump launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
A pull-up jumper from Warren Buffett sails wide! This undisputed superstar needs to regroup!
Joe Biden can't get lift! Legs heavy as their lecture notes after the 4 periods of 12 minutes!
Jesus Christ with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the game!
Donald Trump vents at their teammates! The investor who vents about the next venture!
King Kong walks off in silence. This elite player gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Donald Trump kicks his towel across the floor. Joe Biden has already left for the locker room, alone. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
76-121 (L)
This franchise cornerstone Joe Biden comes out firing! An alley-oop in the first minute!
Joe Biden just barely misses! Close as a university professor getting the young scholars almost right!
Warren Buffett forces the pass! Forcing their portfolio ledger where it doesn't fit!
Jesus Christ, this solid build, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over tendency to rush!
King Kong, this smooth operator, throws the hands up! Exasperated off the pick and roll!
Rest time. King Kong isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Rumor has it King Kong has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Donald Trump misses the layup! Even the next venture would have gone in easier!
Donald Trump is huffing and puffing! Winded, even an investor would call it quits!
Joe Biden with the errant pass! This global icon needs to settle down!
Jesus Christ storms to the bench! Heated! This messiah doesn't handle losing well!
Warren Buffett, this do-it-all player, hangs the head. Tough loss despite a killer instinct effort.
Warren Buffett mutters while walking out. Jesus Christ watches from the corner of his eye, worried. I got a text from Warren Buffett after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
75-120 (L)
King Kong takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
This all-time great Joe Biden muscles up a catch-and-shoot triple but can't get it to fall!
Warren Buffett coughs it up! An investor's grip doesn't work on the leather!
Jesus Christ overcommits! Going all-in like a messiah on the game, but wrong!
Warren Buffett, this solid build, sits down hard on the bench! Limited stamina written all over his face!
Halftime. King Kong wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Juicy anecdote: King Kong was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Donald Trump sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this investor!
Donald Trump tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like an investor's energy for the next venture!
Donald Trump, this solid build, commits the travel! Heavy feet in the footwork!
Warren Buffett pulls up angrily after the turnover! This all-time great spiraling!
Jesus Christ reflects on what could have been. Hot head the difference tonight.
Warren Buffett turns back to look at the court one last time. Joe Biden doesn't turn around. I learned that Warren Buffett's father was an investor. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
89-134 (L)
This all-time great Joe Biden opens the scoring! A euro-step! Early advantage!
Jesus Christ misfires from the left corner! Their bare hands calibration needed!
Jesus Christ fires away into a trap! Lack of consistency when reading the defense!
Jesus Christ watches them score! Just watching, like watching their bare hands gather dust!
This living legend Joe Biden slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Break. Joe Biden asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. They say Joe Biden eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
King Kong, this all-around player, can't finish in the paint! That one stings!
Donald Trump is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure investor stubbornness!
This franchise cornerstone Donald Trump gets pickpocketed from mid-range! Sloppy handling!
King Kong glares at the scoreboard! This reliable star not happy with the situation!
Joe Biden refuses to make excuses! A university professor owns the young scholars failures too!
Warren Buffett slams his fist on the bench. Joe Biden places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jesus Christ.
Season Journal
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby!
Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Jesus Christ is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. The man is massive, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery.
But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
The chef's surprise of the evening is Joe Biden. A university professor by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the young scholars with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.
The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jesus Christ.
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
Do you like this creation?
Share it with your friends!
