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One piecebasketball_team 🇺🇸

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Season Journal

Standings

#TeamWLPts
1Detroit Engine-Roar15030
2San Antonio Skyscrapers14128
3Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest11422
4Boston Ring-Chasers11422
5Cleveland Twin-Towers9618
6Denver Horse-Track9618
7Minnesota Ice-Wall9618
8New York Over-Timers8716
9One piece7814
10Houston Blast-Off7814
11Los Angeles Nursing-Home6912
12Orlando Magic-Beans3126
13Toronto Border-Patrol3126
14Phoenix No-Defense3126
15Philadelphia Injury-Report3126
16Miami Heart-Attack2134

Pre-season

Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... One piece! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Sanji. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. The man is massive, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Sanji. The man. Is. A cook. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A cook. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their cast-iron pan and apparently, the technical motion of a cook and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.

Matchday 1vs Detroit Engine-Roar

88-103 (L)

Shanks, this swiss-army-knife type, announced to huge cheers! A roaring arena!

Sanji pulls up the ball into nothing! Injury-prone body on full display tonight!

Jinbe, this solid build, gets called for the carry! Limited stamina in ball-handling!

Usopp lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this hooper's hooper fooled!

A two-handed slam from Sanji! This player on the come-up is putting on a show tonight!

Heading in. Franky's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Fun fact: Franky got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.

Shanks drops their shoulders! Deflated, even an alpine skier's spirit has limits!

Jinbe misfires at the top of the key! Even this who-is-this-guy player has off nights!

Usopp adjusts the tempo! Controlling the rhythm like a veteran sniper!

Sanji leans on their knees! Gassed, but the cook keeps going!

This hidden prospect Shanks tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.

Usopp's complexion is grey. Shanks's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.

Matchday 2vs Miami Heart-Attack

113-112 (W)

Jinbe begins their shift on the gym! A sovereign starting the their royal scepter shift!

Jinbe with the textbook defense! Written by a sovereign with their royal scepter!

Sanji with the contested double-clutch layup driving to the hoop! No good! Bad selection!

Usopp powers through for a double-clutch layup! The brute force of eliminating the distant target!

Shanks directs traffic on the temple of basketball! Traffic control by an alpine skier with the icy slalom!

End of the second quarter. Shanks is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Confession: Shanks believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.

Shanks rises to the occasion! Same grit as when they're on the job as an alpine skier!

This dark horse Jinbe forces the air ball with pressure! Suffocating!

The crowd chants Jinbe's name! An electric crowd for the sovereign with their royal scepter!

Shanks takes the tough shot and makes it! Tough as carving the icy slalom!

Franky puts a bow on it! Clean finish, just like a bounty hunter wrapping up the job!

Shanks moonwalks across the hardwood. Franky attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.

Matchday 3vs Orlando Magic-Beans

101-98 (W)

Franky, this total unknown, draws first blood! An and-one to start!

Franky steals the ball! Quick hands from tracking the fleeing fugitive all day!

Usopp shanks it from the paint! Eliminating the distant target uses different muscles!

Franky just treated the damn ball the way they treat the fleeing fugitive. A tear drop, bang!

Usopp manipulates the defense! Manipulation worthy of their precision rifle on the distant target!

Back in the locker room, Sanji sits down and stares at the ceiling. Anecdote: Sanji threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.

Sanji, this smooth operator, hits the big shot! On a strategic timeout! That's a closer!

Shanks, this versatile guy, locks down the attacker! Eyes in the back of the head on the defensive end!

This hooper's hooper Sanji acknowledges the fans! A boiling cauldron of mutual respect!

Usopp blows past past the defender! A half-court heave in the clutch! Incredible!

Usopp gets the post-game interview! 'It's like eliminating the distant target,' they say!

Usopp and Shanks play rock-paper-scissors to decide who carries the ball. Usopp loses. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.

Matchday 4vs Philadelphia Injury-Report

98-108 (L)

Shanks comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the alpine skier means business!

Air ball from Sanji! Being a cook doesn't help with shooting, apparently!

Turnover by Franky! Tracking the fleeing fugitive requires less coordination, clearly!

Sanji loses the battle in the paint! Being a cook doesn't help you here!

Sanji converts a tough catch-and-shoot triple in transition! Skill level: elite!

Halftime. Shanks throws his towel on the floor walking in. Anecdote: Shanks lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.

Jinbe looks to the heavens! A sovereign praying for their royal scepter to work!

Franky, this all-around player, can't finish back to the basket! That one stings!

This potential breakout star Jinbe calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!

Shanks gets the cramp timeout! Cramping from carving the icy slalom and hooping!

Franky walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to bounty hunter life tomorrow!

Usopp's eyes are red, jaw tight. Shanks apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.

Matchday 5vs Phoenix No-Defense

119-90 (W)

This name that's buzzing Sanji catches the leather early and goes to work! Opening salvo!

This dude out of nowhere Franky capitalizes under the basket! A buzzer-beater with an off-the-charts basketball IQ!

Usopp, this do-it-all player, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by insane court vision!

Sanji serves it on a platter! A cook serving the perfect steak with style!

Jinbe adapts to the coverage! Adaptive as a sovereign with the vast realm!

The players leave the court. Shanks clings to the tunnel railing. Little scoop: Shanks tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.

Usopp spins and scores! Pivoting like they pivot with their precision rifle at work!

Franky soaks in palpable tension! This dark horse living for these moments!

Jinbe sets the perfect screen! Built like a sovereign who doesn't skip leg day!

Jinbe, this versatile guy, makes a statement! This player nobody saw coming is here to stay!

Jinbe daps up the opposition! Class act, on and off the court!

Franky and Usopp act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.

Matchday 6vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home

108-96 (W)

Sanji steps onto the field house! From searing the perfect steak to this, game time!

Usopp with another tear drop! You can't stop this man!

Franky, this versatile guy, contests everything from the right corner! Next-level basketball IQ on full display!

Usopp steps back into the lane and kicks out! Iron discipline and great decision-making!

Usopp schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true sniper!

Break! Franky takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Franky got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.

Franky, this raw talent, threads the needle for a buzzer-beater from way beyond the arc!

The press box buzzes about Jinbe! A sovereign with their royal scepter making headlines!

Franky finds the open teammate! This raw talent making everyone better!

This is the Shanks game! This surprise package taking over in overtime!

Shanks wraps up with a double-double! Double duty: their razor-edge skis and the Spalding!

Shanks and Jinbe freestyle a victory rap. Sanji does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.

Matchday 7vs Toronto Border-Patrol

114-84 (W)

Sanji huddles with the team! Huddling up, the cook strategizes!

Usopp takes off to the rack for a reverse layup! Can't contain this all-around player!

This guy with a proven track record Usopp finds the open man! Assist and a hook shot!

Franky, this combo guard, uses every inch to deliver a thunderous slam!

Sanji, this well-respected player, shuts down the play in the paint! Lockdown defender!

Halftime. Shanks throws his towel on the floor walking in. True story: Shanks had his parking spot stolen by Toronto Border-Patrol's mascot. Still talks about it. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.

Franky, this swiss-army-knife type, elevates for a monster half-court heave!

This dude putting the league on notice Usopp takes a bow! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! This was clinical!

Jinbe called a timeout to check on the vast realm! Priorities!

Jinbe, this do-it-all player, takes a bow! A bench mob celebration! This raw talent knows that was special!

Shanks caps a perfect night! Clean as an alpine skier on their best day!

Franky runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.

Matchday 8vs Minnesota Ice-Wall

120-95 (W)

Usopp, this player on the come-up, embraces the palpable tension! Game on!

Jinbe drills it from under the basket! That sovereign precision with their royal scepter pays off!

Usopp reads the play perfectly! That sniper brain working overtime!

Sanji with the hockey assist! That extra pass, beautiful basketball!

Jinbe, this swiss-army-knife type, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!

The players leave the court. Shanks clings to the tunnel railing. Confession: Shanks believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.

Usopp muscles through for a bank shot! The strength of a sniper moving the distant target!

The road crowd tries to rally but Usopp silences them! A cathedral silence!

Franky does the dirty work! Hands dirty like a bounty hunter at the end of the day!

Jinbe treats every possession like ruling the vast realm, with care and precision!

Franky dominates the box score! Numbers worthy of a bounty hunter's the fleeing fugitive chart!

Jinbe hugs the mascot. Usopp hugs the referee. Awkward. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.

Matchday 9vs Houston Blast-Off

114-96 (W)

Shanks opens with an alley-oop! This guy nobody was talking about making an early statement!

This up-and-coming baller Sanji with a cold-blooded devastating dunk! No conscience!

Sanji contests the shot! Reaching like a cook reaching for the perfect steak!

This dude putting the league on notice Usopp creates for others! Unselfish play with nerves of steel!

Usopp, this combo guard, exploits the mismatch facing the rim! Smart play!

The locker room fills up. Usopp has already eaten three oranges. Bus driver's confession: Usopp raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.

Sanji nails a pull-up jumper with the ease of a cook who sears the perfect steak. Natural!

Chants of 'sniper! Sniper!' fill the gymnasium for Usopp!

Shanks covers for the teammate! Got your back, that's the alpine skier way!

Sanji, this dude putting the league on notice, is playing with nothing to lose! Watch out, this dude putting the league on notice is dangerous!

Franky hugs the coach! The warmth of a bounty hunter who just nailed it!

Usopp pretends to faint from happiness. Shanks pretends to call 911. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.

Matchday 10vs Denver Horse-Track

91-107 (L)

Sanji wins the opening tip! Tipping off with cook energy!

Jinbe denied by the basket! Even a sovereign can't pry it open!

Jinbe with the backcourt violation! This who-is-this-guy player under too much pressure!

Franky loses the screen battle! Heavy feet around the picks!

Usopp punishes the defense! A sniper punishing the distant target with precision!

Both teams head to the locker room. Jinbe wipes his forehead with his jersey. Little scoop: Jinbe logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.

Sanji throws their hands up! Like a cook when their cast-iron pan breaks!

Franky off the back iron! Hard miss, even a bounty hunter cringes at that!

This player nobody saw coming Shanks adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!

Shanks misses from fatigue! This who-is-this-guy player can't get the elevation in the paint!

Sanji gave it everything! Everything a cook has, left on the court!

Franky leaves the court at a jog. Shanks stays there, planted at center court, motionless. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.

Matchday 11vs New York Over-Timers

98-109 (L)

This solid pro Sanji opens the scoring! A fadeaway jumper! Early advantage!

Jinbe attacks the damn ball awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this dude out of nowhere!

Sanji with the errant pass! This established player needs to settle down!

Jinbe beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the vast realm slipping from a sovereign!

A floater from Sanji! This established player just keeps delivering!

Into the tunnel. Jinbe grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Staff confession: Jinbe is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.

This up-and-coming baller Usopp can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!

Franky misfires from way beyond the arc! Their wanted poster calibration needed!

Shanks counters the press! Problem solved, alpine skier style!

Shanks jogs instead of sprints! Conserving energy for carving the icy slalom tomorrow!

Shanks fades away to the tunnel in disappointment. This hidden prospect will learn from this.

Usopp stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Jinbe exhales. Again. And again. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.

Matchday 12vs Cleveland Twin-Towers

97-103 (L)

Usopp takes the court to a Playoff atmosphere! The sniper with their precision rifle is here!

Shanks sends it wide! Their razor-edge skis wouldn't forgive that either!

Usopp gets the ball stripped! The distant target would have stayed in a sniper's grip!

Usopp loses their assignment! Like losing their precision rifle in the workshop!

Sanji sinks it at the buzzer. A cook never misses the perfect steak, and never misses the hoop!

Halftime! Sanji checks his stats on the board and winces. Confession: Sanji tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.

Franky sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a bounty hunter after a long shift!

Jinbe forces a buzzer beater at half court! This diamond in the rough trying too hard!

Franky shifts the defense! Moving pieces like a bounty hunter at work!

Shanks tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like an alpine skier's energy for the icy slalom!

Shanks shakes hands through the pain! An alpine skier who respects their razor-edge skis and the game!

Shanks bites his lip, fists clenched. Usopp shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.

Matchday 13vs Boston Ring-Chasers

91-122 (L)

Usopp locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a sniper who means business!

Sanji misses the open look! A cook never misses the perfect steak... But misses the Wilson!

Franky loses the basketball! A bounty hunter would never be this careless!

This total unknown Jinbe misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!

The technical flair of Jinbe recalls their sovereign days. A buzzer beater! Sublime!

Halftime! Sanji walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Intel: Sanji refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.

Franky drops the head after another miss! Occasional mental lapses sapping the confidence!

Franky misfires on the floater! Too much float, the bounty hunter touch abandoned them!

Shanks overloads one side! Loading up with alpine skier strategy!

Franky waves for a timeout! The bounty hunter needs the fleeing fugitive break!

Franky walks off in defeat! Even a bounty hunter's skills couldn't save tonight!

Usopp sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Shanks winces. I learned backstage that Shanks also does sniper on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'

Matchday 14vs San Antonio Skyscrapers

94-103 (L)

Franky penetrates into position! This hungry young player not wasting any time!

Shanks with a wild attempt! This potential breakout star not finding the range tonight!

This newcomer Franky with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!

Shanks, this solid build, gets exploited in the switch! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed in the mismatch!

Usopp, this established player, unleashes a bucket at half court! Bang!

Cut! Halftime. Jinbe's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Anecdote: Jinbe fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.

Jinbe, this surprise package, refuses to high-five! Injury-prone body hurting the chemistry!

Sanji dishes but the shot rims out! Heavy feet rears its ugly head!

Jinbe identifies the soft spot in the zone! This newcomer surgical precision!

Jinbe cramps up! Muscles tight from their royal scepter and the basketball double duty!

Franky refuses to make excuses! A bounty hunter owns the fleeing fugitive failures too!

Franky collapses into the first available chair. Usopp stays standing, eyes glazed over. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.

Matchday 15vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest

85-129 (L)

Shanks checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!

Jinbe with the off-balance step-back three! This total unknown couldn't set the feet!

Franky with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the fleeing fugitive!

Sanji bites on the fake! Fooled like a cook by counterfeit the perfect steak!

Jinbe penetrates away from the huddle! This who-is-this-guy player in a dark place mentally!

Halftime. Shanks's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Little scoop: Shanks tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.

Shanks can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the icy slalom, an alpine skier always hits!

Shanks stumbles on the play! Stumbling like an alpine skier over the icy slalom!

Shanks trips up in the top of the key! An alpine skier never trips at work... Right?

Shanks vents at their teammates! The alpine skier who vents about the icy slalom!

Usopp sits alone on the bench. This name that's buzzing processing the defeat.

Sanji kicks his towel across the floor. Shanks has already left for the locker room, alone. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.

One piece ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Sanji.

🏀
#9
Rank
7W-8L
Record
-24
+/-
328
Team Score
2.5M$
Salary
Sanji
MVP

Season Journal

Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... One piece!

Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Sanji. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. The man is massive, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.

The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.

And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Sanji. The man. Is. A cook. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A cook. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their cast-iron pan and apparently, the technical motion of a cook and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.

Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.

🏆

One piece ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Sanji.

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