My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | My Team | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Shaquille O'Neal. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 216 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Jesus Christ. Profession? Messiah. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with bare hands, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the game could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. Budget-wise, they're playing by the rules. Barely. It's clean, but it's tight. You've got one modest star, two or three decent role players, and after that... It's a black hole on the bench. They're trying to build smart without going broke, but every time a player asks for a raise, they start sweating. This is the definition of a "middle of the pack" squad.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
92-109 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal opens with a sky hook! This first-ballot legend making an early statement!
Albert Einstein can't find the range! Their prototype sketch has better accuracy than that!
Shaquille O'Neal with the lazy pass! Ego the size of Texas leading to easy points!
Albert Einstein caught flat-footed! Standing still, the inventor reflexes took a nap!
Albert Einstein banks a floater off the glass! Geometry learned from the inventor life!
Break time. Stephen Curry bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Did you know Stephen Curry knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Detroit Engine-Roar's colors. By accident, obviously. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, pounds the scorer's table! Hot head on full display!
Superman misfires! The superhero's precision with the game is nowhere to be found!
Superman creates the switch! Smooth adjustment, superhero-level thinking!
Shaquille O'Neal, this mountain of a man, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal leaves the venue with head held high. Fought to the end.
Albert Einstein is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Stephen Curry waits at the tunnel entrance. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
119-74 (W)
Superman, this do-it-all player, is introduced and the arena explodes! This hall-of-fame lock is in the building!
Stephen Curry with the tough layup through contact! This established star won't be denied!
Albert Einstein with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open finger roll!
This undisputed superstar Albert Einstein with a beautiful layup along the baseline! Poetry in motion!
Superman with the chase-down charge taken! What athleticism!
Halftime! Albert Einstein looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Fun fact: Albert Einstein was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Albert Einstein racks up a finger roll! Productive night for this inventor!
This all-time great Superman takes a bow! A salute to the fans! This was clinical!
Did Jesus Christ just start competing the basketball? That's the game, not the rock!
Jesus Christ points to the sky after an alley-oop! This first-ballot legend in the zone!
Albert Einstein seals the win! Sealed tight, the inventor gets it done!
Albert Einstein does a belly slide on the court. Stephen Curry does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
121-81 (W)
Jesus Christ, this hall-of-fame lock, draws first blood! A half-court heave to start!
Jesus Christ pulls up and fires a free throw! This swiss-army-knife type lighting it up!
Albert Einstein with the touch pass! Feathery as the status quo in an inventor's hands!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry punishes the defense with a step-back three back to the basket!
Jesus Christ, this solid build, blankets the shooter from downtown! No daylight!
Coach calls everyone back. Albert Einstein drags his feet toward the tunnel. Did you know Albert Einstein keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Jesus Christ knocks down a layup along the baseline! Ice in the veins!
Albert Einstein showboats with a bench mob celebration! Even the status quo gets a rest in blowouts!
Superman celebrates with the wrong bench! This potential GOAT red-faced!
Shaquille O'Neal high-fives everyone on the bench! A victory dance! The energy is contagious!
Stephen Curry blows past the trophy! This top-tier talent adds to the collection! A team high-five!
Jesus Christ runs the full court high-fiving everyone. Stephen Curry follows doing the wave alone. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
118-90 (W)
Albert Einstein, this combo guard, announced to huge cheers! A Finals-like atmosphere!
Albert Einstein carves through and scores! That's what an inventor does best!
Superman swats it away! A clutch steal with that superhero strength!
Superman pinpoints the pass from the left corner! Another assist for this franchise cornerstone!
Albert Einstein, this household name, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Halftime. Stephen Curry wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Did you know Stephen Curry knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Philadelphia Injury-Report's colors. By accident, obviously. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Superman, this household name, operates from the right corner with a deep three! Clinic!
Albert Einstein, this solid build, commands a crowd fully behind them! The arena belongs to this guy with rings on every finger!
Jesus Christ attacks the orange into the right hands! This undisputed superstar quarterback!
This is the Jesus Christ game! This all-time great taking over in the third quarter!
Jesus Christ finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers a messiah would be proud of!
Albert Einstein takes Stephen Curry by the hand and they bow to the crowd like stage actors. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
124-86 (W)
Superman starts in the power forward! Playing the power forward the way a superhero plays with their bare hands!
Superman hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their bare hands from downtown!
Jesus Christ, this potential GOAT, draws the double and finds the open shooter! Natural-born leadership!
Jesus Christ nails a fadeaway jumper at right from the tip-off! A messiah who delivers when it matters!
Albert Einstein locks down their opponent! Tight as an inventor gripping their prototype sketch!
Halftime. Superman is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Staff confession: Superman is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Albert Einstein hits nothing but net! Pure as an inventor's work with their prototype sketch!
Stephen Curry, this established star, still going full throttle! No mercy tonight!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, gets tangled in the net! This big-name player stuck!
Superman shimmies after a tear drop! Shaking it off, the superhero is feeling it!
Jesus Christ, this living legend, soaks in the moment! Victory from the left corner! A primal scream!
Albert Einstein and Stephen Curry stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. I got a text from Albert Einstein after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
108-86 (W)
Superman huddles with the team! Huddling up, the superhero strategizes!
Jesus Christ gets the friendly bounce! Even the damn ball respects a messiah!
Albert Einstein, this franchise cornerstone, shuts down the play from the right corner! Lockdown defender!
Jesus Christ leads the break! Leading the charge like a messiah who runs the show!
Jesus Christ reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this messiah!
Halftime. Albert Einstein throws his towel on the floor walking in. True story: Albert Einstein walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Los Angeles Nursing-Home. Awkward. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
A thunderous slam from Shaquille O'Neal! That's next-level basketball IQ at the highest level!
This franchise guy Stephen Curry silences the hostile crowd! A sold-out gym on fire shifts!
Stephen Curry makes the extra pass! This world-class player hockey assist for a euro-step!
They said a superhero couldn't play at this level. Superman and their bare hands disagree!
Superman punches the air at game's end! Victory! The superhero did it!
Shaquille O'Neal climbs onto the scorer's table. Superman joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. Tonight I learned Shaquille O'Neal used to be an inventor before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
98-96 (W)
This all-time great Albert Einstein opens the scoring! A bucket! Early advantage!
Shaquille O'Neal slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Pure God-given talent in every step!
Albert Einstein can't finish! The inventor who finishes the status quo can't finish the play!
Superman goes baseline and scores! The game prepared them for this moment!
Jesus Christ, this do-it-all player, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Break. Jesus Christ collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Anecdote: Jesus Christ once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Superman with the steal and score on a strategic timeout! Superhero instincts with their bare hands!
This household name Superman takes the charge in transition! Gutsy play!
The road crowd tries to rally but Shaquille O'Neal silences them! A sold-out gym on fire!
This certified GOAT candidate Albert Einstein demands the ball and delivers! After a timeout heroics!
Albert Einstein with the game ball! Earned it the hard way, inventor style!
Jesus Christ takes a bow for the crowd. Stephen Curry bows to Jesus Christ. The nobility of basketball. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
100-97 (W)
Jesus Christ stretches center court! Loosening up, the messiah is getting ready!
Jesus Christ defends the post! Sturdy as a messiah braced for impact!
Superman launches and misses! The Wilson isn't the game, and it shows!
Jesus Christ posts up the leather with ridiculous creativity. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Jesus Christ sets the screen at the perfect angle! This absolute legend cerebral play!
Finally a breather. Jesus Christ has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Locker room anecdote: Jesus Christ talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Albert Einstein plays hero! The inventor as hero, their prototype sketch as cape!
Jesus Christ wins the rebound battle! Snatched it like a messiah on the clock!
The crowd is on its feet! A boiling cauldron as Jesus Christ takes the court!
Albert Einstein drills the three in this head-to-head battle! Three lengths ahead of pure inventor grit!
Stephen Curry walks off the field house victorious! This certified bucket owns this moment!
Stephen Curry makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. Albert Einstein makes the 'call us' gesture. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
100-112 (L)
Albert Einstein locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of an inventor who means business!
Superman with the off-balance off-balance shot! This certified GOAT candidate couldn't set the feet!
Stephen Curry fades away into a dead end on the low block! Turnover! Occasional mental lapses!
Albert Einstein, this swiss-army-knife type, gets exploited in the switch! Tendency to rush exposed in the mismatch!
Albert Einstein, this combo guard, takes over from downtown. A layup! That's elite!
End of the first act. Superman is puffing like a steam engine heading back. They say Superman has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, sits down hard on the bench! Sometimes predictable game written all over his face!
Stephen Curry takes a tough buzzer-beater and it doesn't go! Sometimes predictable game in shot selection!
Superman uses a quick ball-movement offense brilliantly! Strategy from competing the game!
Jesus Christ, this tweener, laboring up and down! Heavy feet draining the energy!
This certified GOAT candidate Albert Einstein tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Stephen Curry's eyes are glassy. Albert Einstein mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
102-104 (L)
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry comes out aggressive! Opens with a tear drop facing the rim!
Superman with the and-one reverse layup! A gym-rat work ethic through the whistle!
This absolute legend Superman caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Albert Einstein bricks it! Not the same accuracy as revolutionizing the status quo!
Jesus Christ, this combo guard, energizes the crowd! A Playoff atmosphere! Comeback vibes!
Break. Superman collapses next to the vending machine. They say Superman eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Shaquille O'Neal throws it away with the game on the line! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Superman pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The superhero in them is showing!
This game belongs to Superman! This hall-of-fame lock stamping authority from way beyond the arc!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Shaquille O'Neal with the clutch-time breakdown! Hot head on full display!
Shaquille O'Neal explodes to the tunnel in disappointment. This basketball god will learn from this.
Superman punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Albert Einstein slides down the wall to the floor. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Albert Einstein. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
104-99 (W)
Albert Einstein steps onto the palace of hoops! From revolutionizing the status quo to this, game time!
Stephen Curry, this world-class player, switches seamlessly and locks up! Freakish explosiveness shining through!
Superman takes off the leather right into the defender's hands! Heavy feet!
Superman drives the Spalding beautifully for a pull-up jumper! What touch!
This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry with the savvy veteran play! Scary good handles experience showing!
Cut! Halftime. Stephen Curry's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Fun fact: Stephen Curry blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry answers back immediately! A floater facing the rim! Resilient!
Albert Einstein, this combo guard, walls off the drive at the top of the key! No way through!
The crowd gasps at Jesus Christ's move! Agility worthy of a messiah!
This generational talent Jesus Christ steals it in crunch time! Turns defense into points!
Stephen Curry, this jersey-selling name, high-fives the bench! A team high-five! Team effort!
Albert Einstein jumps into Shaquille O'Neal's arms without warning. They both go down. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
107-96 (W)
Jesus Christ gets the starting nod! A messiah starting with their bare hands confidence!
Albert Einstein hooks it in! The arc of an inventor swinging their prototype sketch!
Superman shuts down the lane! Closed for business, like a superhero closing the game!
This generational talent Superman orchestrates the offense back to the basket! Maestro!
This guy with rings on every finger Superman calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Break. Jesus Christ's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Bus driver's confession: Jesus Christ raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Stephen Curry, this reliable star, absolutely nails a bucket back to the basket! Take a bow!
Stephen Curry soaks in a Finals-like atmosphere! This established star living for these moments!
Albert Einstein barks out defensive calls! The voice of their prototype sketch echoes across the arena!
Jesus Christ has found another gear! This global icon shifting into overdrive!
Superman wraps up with a double-double! Double duty: their bare hands and the ball!
Albert Einstein moonwalks across the hardwood. Stephen Curry attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
122-89 (W)
Game time! Stephen Curry and this multi-time All-Star ready to put on a show at the court!
Jesus Christ nails a catch-and-shoot triple with the ease of a messiah who competes the game. Natural!
Stephen Curry threads the needle! Beautiful assist in the paint! Unreal court vision!
This headliner Stephen Curry capitalizes at the buzzer! A buzzer-beater with nerves of steel!
Albert Einstein channels all their inventor intensity into an iron-wall defense!
Finally a breather. Shaquille O'Neal has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Intel: Shaquille O'Neal refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Shaquille O'Neal strings together a tear drop driving to the hoop. A gym-rat work ethic on full display!
Stephen Curry with the cherry on top! A two-handed slam in a blowout! Good night!
Jesus Christ high-fived a teammate with their bare hands still in hand! Ouch!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, does the shimmy! A fist pump toward the bench! The arena goes crazy!
Superman hangs up the kicks! Calling it a night, the superhero is done!
Shaquille O'Neal jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
95-113 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal, this titan, takes the court! The electric crowd is electric!
Superman attacks but the shot rims out! Tendency to force bad shots rears its ugly head!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, steps out of bounds with the basketball! Mental lapse!
This hall-of-fame lock Albert Einstein bites on the fake! Beaten from downtown!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, showcases an unmatched feel for the game with a gorgeous euro-step!
Break. Albert Einstein collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Little secret: Albert Einstein has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Shaquille O'Neal lets fly and kicks the stanchion! This global icon losing composure!
Albert Einstein misfires from downtown! Their prototype sketch calibration needed!
Albert Einstein, this all-around player, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Insane court vision!
Jesus Christ plays through exhaustion! The endurance of competing the game daily!
Superman leaves the court with dignity! The dignity of a superhero with their bare hands!
Stephen Curry refuses San Antonio Skyscrapers's handshake. Jesus Christ offers a limp one with just his fingertips. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
101-112 (L)
Stephen Curry penetrates with energy from the opening whistle! This franchise guy locked in!
A pull-up jumper from Stephen Curry goes in and out! Heartbreaking under the basket!
This first-ballot legend Superman gets pickpocketed from the right corner! Sloppy handling!
Stephen Curry scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Limited stamina!
This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry with a picture-perfect hook shot! The crowd goes wild!
First half is done. Jesus Christ is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Rumor has it Jesus Christ talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Shaquille O'Neal slams the Wilson in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Albert Einstein fires a double-clutch layup at half court but can't connect! Tendency to rush showing!
This household name Albert Einstein runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Superman tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a superhero's energy for the game!
Jesus Christ reflects on what could have been. Sometimes predictable game the difference tonight.
Stephen Curry lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Superman holds his in. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
My Team ends the season #4 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!
Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Shaquille O'Neal. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 216 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.
I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it.
Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Jesus Christ. Profession? Messiah. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with bare hands, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the game could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn.
Budget-wise, they're playing by the rules. Barely. It's clean, but it's tight. You've got one modest star, two or three decent role players, and after that... It's a black hole on the bench. They're trying to build smart without going broke, but every time a player asks for a raise, they start sweating. This is the definition of a "middle of the pack" squad.
My Team ends the season #4 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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