the sqaud — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | the sqaud | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. Ladies and gentlemen... The sqaud! If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is DeMarcus Cousins. Standing at 211 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. The chef's surprise of the evening is Donald Trump. A film producer by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the risky picture with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. The budget is starting to look sexy. They're over the cap, the owner is coughing up some luxury tax, and the roster has some swagger. There's experience, talent, and that little extra something that makes opponents take you seriously. It's not superteam territory yet, but damn, we're not in the gutter anymore either. The GM built a smart roster with guys who complement each other well. The kind of team that can wreak havoc in the playoffs if the stars align.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
91-132 (L)
Donald Trump announces themselves! The film producer has arrived and the building knows it!
Donald Trump clanks another one off the rim! This guy with rings on every finger needs to find rhythm!
This seasoned vet DeMarcus Cousins dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Larry Bird overcommits and gets beat! Defense that's basically a suggestion when reading the play!
Donald Trump throws their hands up! Like a film producer when their loaded checkbook breaks!
End of the second quarter. Steve is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Intel: Steve refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
An off-balance shot from Larry Bird goes in and out! Heartbreaking in the paint!
Benjamin Franklin is spent! Used up like the game after a polymath's long day!
Larry Bird, this 7-footer, gets the ball poked away! Sometimes predictable game when protecting the Wilson!
Larry Bird mouths off and picks up a T! Heavy feet taking over!
Donald Trump dishes past the media. This hall-of-fame lock not in the mood to talk.
Benjamin Franklin hurls his water bottle at the wall. Donald Trump flinches but doesn't react. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
106-114 (L)
DeMarcus Cousins opens with a tear drop! This established player making an early statement!
DeMarcus Cousins misfires from way beyond the arc! This hooper's hooper searching for answers!
Donald Trump coughs it up! A film producer's grip doesn't work on the damn ball!
Benjamin Franklin overcommits! Going all-in like a polymath on the game, but wrong!
Benjamin Franklin sinks it from under the basket. A polymath never misses the game, and never misses the hoop!
The players leave the court. Donald Trump clings to the tunnel railing. Did you know Donald Trump plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Benjamin Franklin mouths off at right from the tip-off! A polymath venting about the game!
Steve, this solid pro, fumbles the finish at the buzzer! Back to the drawing board!
Larry Bird, this long boy, exploits the mismatch on the low block! Smart play!
This franchise cornerstone Benjamin Franklin can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
DeMarcus Cousins dunks to the tunnel in disappointment. This seasoned vet will learn from this.
DeMarcus Cousins is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Benjamin Franklin waits at the tunnel entrance. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
114-93 (W)
Donald Trump gets the starting nod! A film producer starting with their loaded checkbook confidence!
A sky hook from Donald Trump! This once-in-a-lifetime player is putting on a show tonight!
DeMarcus Cousins picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
This all-time great Benjamin Franklin with the one-handed bullet pass! Right on the money!
Donald Trump communicates the switch! Clear as a film producer's instructions!
The players head to the locker room. Donald Trump is sweating like a racehorse. Rumor has it Donald Trump talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
A two-handed slam by Larry Bird back to the basket! Eyes in the back of the head in every fiber!
The crowd is on its feet! Palpable tension as Larry Bird takes the court!
Donald Trump dribbles the Spalding with patience! This global icon trusting the system!
This name that's buzzing DeMarcus Cousins silences the noise! An off-the-charts basketball IQ locked in! Nothing else matters!
Larry Bird, this reliable star, soaks in the moment! Victory at the buzzer! A victory dance!
Donald Trump does a backflip. Well, he tries. Larry Bird applauds the effort. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
101-118 (L)
Steve dribbles onto the floor! The crowd roars for this dude putting the league on notice!
Steve misfires off the pick and roll! Even this player on the come-up has off nights!
Steve charges right into the defender! Turnover! Heavy feet when controlling pace!
Donald Trump, this versatile guy, gets exploited in the switch! Sometimes predictable game exposed in the mismatch!
DeMarcus Cousins, this colossus, uses strength and skill for a double-clutch layup! Complete player!
The locker room. Steve sprawls out full-length on the bench. Juicy intel: Steve turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Larry Bird, this oversized freak, throws the hands up! Exasperated from the left corner!
This solid pro DeMarcus Cousins short-arms a hook shot in the paint! Not enough lift!
This guy with rings on every finger Benjamin Franklin uses the floater over this tweener coverage! Smart!
DeMarcus Cousins spins sluggishly! Heavy feet catching up with this established player!
Larry Bird, this multi-time All-Star, takes the loss hard. Limited stamina at the wrong moments.
DeMarcus Cousins stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Benjamin Franklin exhales. Again. And again. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
113-101 (W)
Donald Trump sets the tone early! The film producer came to play tonight!
This absolute legend Donald Trump converts off the pick and roll! A euro-step right on cue!
This dude putting the league on notice Steve comes up with a massive steal! Transition time!
Larry Bird threads the needle! Beautiful assist on the low block! Unreal court vision!
Steve spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
The players file out. Donald Trump exchanges a tense look with the coach. Anecdote: Donald Trump lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
DeMarcus Cousins with iron discipline finds the angle for a scoop layup!
The DJ plays Donald Trump's walkout music! Sounds like their loaded checkbook in rhythm!
Benjamin Franklin fights through the screen for the team! That polymath toughness right there!
A standing ovation for Benjamin Franklin! The polymath who conquered the hardwood with their bare hands!
This potential GOAT Donald Trump is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Larry Bird pretends to plant a flag at center court. DeMarcus Cousins stands at attention. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
91-118 (L)
This max-contract guy Larry Bird opens the scoring! A euro-step! Early advantage!
Donald Trump can't finish! The film producer who finishes the risky picture can't finish the play!
This established player Steve gets pickpocketed on the low block! Sloppy handling!
Steve scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Injury-prone body!
A double-clutch layup from downtown by Donald Trump! This tweener with the long range!
Players head to the locker room. Steve has tape on three fingers. True story: Steve walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Los Angeles Nursing-Home. Awkward. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Donald Trump, this hall-of-fame lock, barks at the teammate! Tendency to rush taking over!
A buzzer-beater attempt by Benjamin Franklin falls short! Occasional mental lapses in the legs!
Larry Bird, this bonafide star, manages the clock beautifully in the first quarter!
This hooper's hooper DeMarcus Cousins can't close out! The legs are shot from mid-range!
This jersey-selling name Larry Bird congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this jersey-selling name.
Larry Bird hurls his water bottle at the wall. Steve flinches but doesn't react. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
106-112 (L)
This respected competitor DeMarcus Cousins means business! Fast start facing the rim!
This league veteran DeMarcus Cousins muscles up a bank shot but can't get it to fall!
DeMarcus Cousins, this tower, commits the travel! Sometimes predictable game in the footwork!
Steve bites on the pump fake! This up-and-coming baller sent flying facing the rim!
Benjamin Franklin buries a half-court heave from way beyond the arc! This household name is on fire tonight!
Back in the locker room, Steve sits down and stares at the ceiling. Anecdote: Steve slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Steve fires away angrily after the turnover! This next-level player spiraling!
This seasoned vet Steve throws up a prayer at the buzzer! Not answered!
Steve uses the hesitation dribble! Night-in night-out consistency creating separation!
Donald Trump is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure film producer stubbornness!
Despite the loss, Benjamin Franklin held their own with the game! The polymath fought!
Benjamin Franklin is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Larry Bird waits at the tunnel entrance. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
107-117 (L)
Donald Trump checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
This established player DeMarcus Cousins whiffs on a tear drop! The crowd groans!
Steve fades away the leather right to the defense! Costly mistake by this player making noise!
Benjamin Franklin gets posted up and scored on! This household name overpowered!
Benjamin Franklin with the fadeaway reverse layup! Smooth as their bare hands in action!
Back to the locker room. Larry Bird's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Juicy anecdote: Larry Bird was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Larry Bird gets a technical for complaining! Heavy feet on full display!
This global icon Donald Trump rattles it out! So close yet so far from the left corner!
Benjamin Franklin adapts to the coverage! Adaptive as a polymath with the game!
DeMarcus Cousins, this guy with a proven track record, is dragging! The this ball game minutes taking their toll!
Steve walks off in silence. This respected competitor gave it all but it wasn't enough.
DeMarcus Cousins hurls his water bottle at the wall. Benjamin Franklin flinches but doesn't react. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
94-112 (L)
Steve, this versatile guy, is introduced and the arena explodes! This dude putting the league on notice is in the building!
Larry Bird launches a pull-up jumper and... Airball! Hot head at its peak!
This reliable star Larry Bird commits the offensive foul! Turnover from mid-range!
Steve, this swiss-army-knife type, gets blown by on the perimeter! Limited stamina in the legs!
A buzzer beater from Steve! This league veteran just keeps delivering!
The locker room fills up. Benjamin Franklin has already eaten three oranges. True story: Benjamin Franklin walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Houston Blast-Off. Awkward. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Donald Trump can't hide the frustration! Their loaded checkbook frustration meets the Wilson frustration!
A pull-up jumper from Steve sails wide! This player making noise needs to regroup!
DeMarcus Cousins reads the defense perfectly! Scary good handles and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Steve is cramping up! This respected competitor trying to shake it off! Limited stamina!
Steve, this solid build, hangs the head. Tough loss despite ridiculous creativity effort.
Benjamin Franklin's eyes are glassy. Donald Trump mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
96-119 (L)
Larry Bird, this multi-time All-Star, draws first blood! A free throw to start!
DeMarcus Cousins can't buy a bucket! Another miss at the top of the key! Frustrating!
Steve with a wild pass that sails out! This name that's buzzing giving it away!
This next-level player Steve commits the and-one foul! Occasional mental lapses in positioning!
What a play by Donald Trump! A thunderous slam along the baseline! This household name is cooking!
End of the first act. Donald Trump is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Confession: Donald Trump tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Larry Bird can't mask the disappointment! This max-contract guy wearing it on the sleeve!
Benjamin Franklin bricks it! Not the same accuracy as competing the game!
Benjamin Franklin uses a half-court set brilliantly! Strategy from competing the game!
This respected competitor Steve is a warrior but the body says no! The contest of war!
Larry Bird reflects on what could have been. Lack of consistency the difference tonight.
Larry Bird's eyes are glassy. Benjamin Franklin mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
87-104 (L)
Tip-off! Benjamin Franklin gets us started! Let's go!
This first-ballot legend Donald Trump shanks a pull-up jumper from the right corner! That's uncharacteristic!
Benjamin Franklin, this swiss-army-knife type, steps out of bounds with the Wilson! Mental lapse!
This elite player Larry Bird misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Steve with the decisive bank shot! Scary good handles when it matters most!
Break. Donald Trump's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Fun fact: Donald Trump is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Benjamin Franklin kicks the air! The frustration of a polymath who knows they can do better!
Steve with a wild attempt! This player on the come-up not finding the range tonight!
This guy with a proven track record DeMarcus Cousins switches defensive assignments on the fly! An off-the-charts basketball IQ!
Donald Trump barely gets back on defense! Moving like a film producer on a Friday afternoon!
This multi-time All-Star Larry Bird tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Larry Bird taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Steve walks through the door without pushing it. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
91-105 (L)
This established player Steve comes out firing! A pull-up jumper in the first minute!
Steve launches but it's well off! Occasional mental lapses under fatigue!
Steve loses the Spalding in traffic! This solid pro can't afford that!
Benjamin Franklin gambles for the steal and pays the price! Tendency to rush!
A catch-and-shoot triple by DeMarcus Cousins! The crowd erupts! Nerves of steel personified!
Finally a breather. DeMarcus Cousins has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Did you know DeMarcus Cousins entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Steve, this do-it-all player, waves off the play call! Hot head hurting the team!
Steve, this player on the come-up, sends the Wilson wide! The touch is off tonight!
Larry Bird dribbles the ball out of the trap! An off-the-charts basketball IQ under pressure!
Steve, this swiss-army-knife type, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Larry Bird had the chances but couldn't convert. This top-tier talent left wanting.
Larry Bird refuses the coach's embrace. Donald Trump accepts it but his body is stiff. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
92-124 (L)
Steve drives with energy from the opening whistle! This up-and-coming baller locked in!
Benjamin Franklin shoots short! Not enough juice! Even a polymath would cringe!
Benjamin Franklin loses the rock! A polymath would never be this careless!
Benjamin Franklin, this combo guard, fouls unnecessarily from the right corner! Injury-prone body!
Larry Bird, this top-tier talent, knifes through for a reverse layup from downtown! Wow!
The players leave the court. Steve clings to the tunnel railing. Exclusive info: Steve is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Donald Trump walks away muttering! Muttering about the risky picture under their breath!
DeMarcus Cousins air-mails a layup from downtown! Way off for this legit talent!
This up-and-coming baller DeMarcus Cousins calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Benjamin Franklin waves for a timeout! The polymath needs the game break!
This multi-time All-Star Larry Bird leaves the arena with head held high. Fought to the end.
Benjamin Franklin scratches the back of his neck nervously. Larry Bird has the look of someone who has seen things. Tonight I learned Benjamin Franklin used to be a volunteer firefighter before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
82-120 (L)
Larry Bird dunks into position! This headliner not wasting any time!
Benjamin Franklin posts up but the shot rims out! Sometimes predictable game rears its ugly head!
DeMarcus Cousins tries to be too fancy and loses the leather! Sometimes predictable game in the decision-making!
DeMarcus Cousins gets burned on the drive! Limited stamina in lateral movement!
Larry Bird, this absolute unit, pounds the scorer's table! Limited stamina on full display!
The players file out. DeMarcus Cousins exchanges a tense look with the coach. Anecdote: DeMarcus Cousins fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
DeMarcus Cousins, this titan, can't get a two-handed slam to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
Benjamin Franklin is gassed! This all-time great bent over at half court! Injury-prone body catching up!
Steve with the backcourt violation! This respected competitor under too much pressure!
Steve mutters to himself walking back! This solid pro fighting inner demons!
Donald Trump shakes hands through the pain! A film producer who respects their loaded checkbook and the game!
DeMarcus Cousins walks head down toward the tunnel. Benjamin Franklin drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
78-121 (L)
DeMarcus Cousins takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
DeMarcus Cousins drives the leather into nothing! Injury-prone body on full display tonight!
Donald Trump dribbles it off their foot! Their loaded checkbook would never betray a film producer like that!
This global icon Donald Trump gives up the offensive rebound! Tendency to rush when boxing out!
DeMarcus Cousins, this respected competitor, with the frustrated foul! Tendency to force bad shots in tough moments!
Intermission. Larry Bird dumps an entire water bottle over his head. The staff told me Larry Bird sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Donald Trump fires a devastating dunk on the low block but can't connect! Lack of consistency showing!
This league veteran DeMarcus Cousins calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking its toll!
This living legend Benjamin Franklin commits the 5-second violation! Clock management occasional mental lapses!
DeMarcus Cousins, this walking skyscraper, sits down hard on the bench! Defense that's basically a suggestion written all over his face!
Benjamin Franklin hangs their head! A polymath who gave everything they had!
Benjamin Franklin walks toward the tunnel without a word. Steve stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
the sqaud finishes #15 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: DeMarcus Cousins.
Season Journal
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. Ladies and gentlemen... The sqaud!
If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is DeMarcus Cousins. Standing at 211 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball.
The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.
The chef's surprise of the evening is Donald Trump. A film producer by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the risky picture with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.
The budget is starting to look sexy. They're over the cap, the owner is coughing up some luxury tax, and the roster has some swagger. There's experience, talent, and that little extra something that makes opponents take you seriously. It's not superteam territory yet, but damn, we're not in the gutter anymore either. The GM built a smart roster with guys who complement each other well. The kind of team that can wreak havoc in the playoffs if the stars align.
the sqaud finishes #15 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: DeMarcus Cousins.
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