My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Phoenix No-Defense | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Muhammad! Picture this: the man is massive, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Mike Tyson is on this team. Mike Tyson, who is a boxer and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with hand wraps under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
87-124 (L)
Moahmed Fakhri steps onto the court! From scoring the winning goal to this, game time!
Moahmed Fakhri takes a tough step-back three and it doesn't go! Tendency to rush in shot selection!
Moahmed Fakhri with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the winning goal!
Moahmed Fakhri gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the winning goal on a rough day!
Muhammad throws their hands up! Like a military leader when the battle standard breaks!
First half is done. Muhammad is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Little scoop: Muhammad logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Moahmed Fakhri misfires at half court! Even this who-is-this-guy player has off nights!
NOAH waves for a timeout! The actor needs the tragic hero break!
Mike Tyson spins the rock right to the defense! Costly mistake by this household name!
Moahmed Fakhri mouths off in the dying seconds! An association football player venting about the winning goal!
NOAH leaves the arena with dignity! The dignity of an actor with their battered script!
Moahmed Fakhri shakes Mike Tyson's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
82-117 (L)
Mike Tyson, this little thunder, takes the court! The incredible energy is electric!
Muhammad, this versatile guy, wastes a golden chance with a wild step-back three!
This hungry young player Moahmed Fakhri dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
This diamond in the rough Moahmed Fakhri commits the and-one foul! Sometimes predictable game in positioning!
This hall-of-fame lock Muhammad stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Break. Moahmed Fakhri's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Did you know Moahmed Fakhri started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
NOAH misses the open look! An actor never misses the tragic hero... But misses the Wilson!
Mike Tyson dunks a step slower than usual! Ego the size of Texas in the tank!
NOAH with the backcourt violation! This hidden prospect under too much pressure!
Mike Tyson buries their face! Hidden from view, the boxer can't watch!
Moahmed Fakhri refuses to make excuses! An association football player owns the winning goal failures too!
NOAH walks head down toward the tunnel. Moahmed Fakhri drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
94-105 (L)
Moahmed Fakhri wins the opening tip! Tipping off with association football player energy!
NOAH, this surprise package, pulls the trigger under the basket but no luck!
Moahmed Fakhri throws it away! A pass worse than an association football player tossing the winning goal!
Muhammad, this versatile guy, gets dunked on at the buzzer! Poster material!
Moahmed Fakhri gets the friendly bounce! Even the leather respects an association football player!
The players head in. NOAH slips on the wet tunnel floor. Locker room intel: NOAH has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
NOAH slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than an actor hits the workbench!
Mike Tyson can't find the range! The hand wraps has better accuracy than that!
Moahmed Fakhri communicates the switch! Clear as an association football player's instructions!
NOAH gulps water! As thirsty as an actor reaching for the tragic hero!
Moahmed Fakhri wipes a tear! An association football player who poured everything into the effort!
Mike Tyson hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Moahmed Fakhri keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. I got a text from Mike Tyson after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
94-109 (L)
The palace of hoops welcomes Moahmed Fakhri! The association football player with the winning goal has arrived!
Muhammad can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the rock differently than the war front!
NOAH rises up into a dead end off the pick and roll! Turnover! Tendency to force bad shots!
Moahmed Fakhri watches helplessly! An association football player watching the winning goal fall off the shelf!
A catch-and-shoot triple by Moahmed Fakhri! The crowd erupts! Natural-born leadership personified!
First half is done. Mike Tyson is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Little secret: Mike Tyson has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Moahmed Fakhri storms to the bench! Heated! This association football player doesn't handle losing well!
Moahmed Fakhri shoots an air ball in a standing ovation! An association football player lost in the noise!
Moahmed Fakhri overloads one side! Loading up with association football player strategy!
Moahmed Fakhri is gassed! More tired than after a full day of scoring the winning goal!
Moahmed Fakhri vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their football boots reinforced with the winning goal!
Moahmed Fakhri walks head down toward the tunnel. Muhammad drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
89-117 (L)
The game begins and Muhammad is ready! You can see night-in night-out consistency written all over his face!
Moahmed Fakhri misfires on the floater! Too much float, the association football player touch abandoned them!
NOAH, this smooth operator, gets stripped from downtown! Limited stamina exposed!
This absolute legend Mike Tyson fouls reaching in! Defense that's basically a suggestion on defense!
What a shot from Muhammad! A military leader bringing the battle standard energy to the field house!
Players head to the locker room. Moahmed Fakhri has tape on three fingers. Staff confession: Moahmed Fakhri is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Mike Tyson walks away muttering! Muttering about the heavy bags under their breath!
NOAH, this rising star, comes up empty! A buzzer beater off target at half court!
This rising star NOAH attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
NOAH grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their battered script in the workshop!
Muhammad absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a military leader knows tough days!
Mike Tyson walks head down toward the tunnel. Muhammad drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Mike Tyson's name. Forgive me. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
90-118 (L)
Mike Tyson bounces the rock pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
NOAH misfires again! Having the tragic hero-shaped night!
NOAH loses the Wilson! An actor would never be this careless!
NOAH can't stay in front! Embodying the tragic hero doesn't build lateral quickness!
A sky hook from Moahmed Fakhri! This rising star is putting on a show tonight!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Muhammad walks head down toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Muhammad threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
NOAH shakes their head! An actor who can't believe that just happened!
Mike Tyson misses the open look! This basketball god can't believe it! Heavy feet!
NOAH traps with the double! Trapping them, the actor knows how to corner prey!
Moahmed Fakhri leans on their knees! Gassed, but the association football player keeps going!
Muhammad consoles teammates! The heart of a military leader in that moment!
NOAH watches the crowd file out in silence. Moahmed Fakhri prefers not to look. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
85-130 (L)
Moahmed Fakhri locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of an association football player who means business!
Mike Tyson can't connect! The hand wraps in hand, sure. The ball through the hoop, nope!
Moahmed Fakhri dribbles into a trap! Injury-prone body when reading the defense!
This guy nobody was talking about NOAH gives up the offensive rebound! Tendency to force bad shots when boxing out!
Moahmed Fakhri, this who-is-this-guy player, with the frustrated foul! Occasional mental lapses in tough moments!
The players leave the court. NOAH clings to the tunnel railing. Rumor has it NOAH talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Muhammad, this solid build, bobbles the orange and the chance evaporates under the basket!
Moahmed Fakhri can't get lift! Legs heavy as their football boots after the contest!
Muhammad passes to nobody! This undisputed superstar with a head-scratching decision!
NOAH storms to the bench! This hungry young player is visibly upset!
NOAH dishes to the tunnel in disappointment. This dude out of nowhere will learn from this.
Moahmed Fakhri slams his fist on the bench. NOAH places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
88-129 (L)
This potential breakout star NOAH comes out firing! A hook shot in the first minute!
Moahmed Fakhri launches a sky hook and... Airball! Hot head at its peak!
Mike Tyson botches the handoff! Even the hand wraps exchanges go smoother!
NOAH gives up the back door! Tendency to rush when overplaying!
This surprise package NOAH throws an elbow in frustration! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Break. Mike Tyson's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Rumor has it Mike Tyson talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Mike Tyson, this hall-of-fame lock, with a contested bucket that misses off the pick and roll!
Moahmed Fakhri is running on fumes! The association football player tank is completely empty!
Moahmed Fakhri crosses over carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Moahmed Fakhri, this versatile guy, sits down hard on the bench! Sometimes predictable game written all over his face!
This guy nobody was talking about NOAH congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this guy nobody was talking about.
Muhammad snaps at the bench on his way out. NOAH says nothing, but his look says everything. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
73-118 (L)
Muhammad comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the military leader means business!
Muhammad forces an and-one back to the basket! This hall-of-fame lock trying too hard!
Stolen from Moahmed Fakhri! An association football player who let it slip through their fingers!
Mike Tyson scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Limited stamina!
This potential breakout star NOAH slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Moahmed Fakhri to massage his thighs. I've been told Moahmed Fakhri once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
A catch-and-shoot triple from NOAH sails wide! This player nobody saw coming needs to regroup!
This potential breakout star NOAH is a warrior but the body says no! The allotted time of war!
NOAH throws it away! Heavy feet under pressure back to the basket!
Mike Tyson slams the orange in frustration! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Mike Tyson hangs their head! A boxer who gave everything they had!
Moahmed Fakhri refuses the coach's embrace. Muhammad accepts it but his body is stiff. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
85-129 (L)
This franchise cornerstone Mike Tyson catches the leather early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Brick! Moahmed Fakhri misfires from mid-range! Tendency to force bad shots at the worst time!
Mike Tyson, this low-to-the-ground speedster, commits the travel! Hot head in the footwork!
Muhammad gets burned on the drive! Occasional mental lapses in lateral movement!
Moahmed Fakhri gets a technical for complaining! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
The players disappear. Moahmed Fakhri has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Quick anecdote about Moahmed Fakhri: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Mike Tyson, this franchise cornerstone, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Muhammad misses from fatigue! This franchise cornerstone can't get the elevation in the paint!
Moahmed Fakhri, this swiss-army-knife type, fumbles the entry pass at half court!
Muhammad argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to rallying the war front!
This certified GOAT candidate Mike Tyson tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
NOAH pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Moahmed Fakhri takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. Tonight I had a revelation: Moahmed Fakhri runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
85-118 (L)
NOAH starts in the point guard! Playing the point guard the way an actor plays with their battered script!
This certified GOAT candidate Mike Tyson misses the mark! A step-back three goes begging along the baseline!
Turnover by Moahmed Fakhri! Scoring the winning goal requires less coordination, clearly!
Mike Tyson caught flat-footed! Standing still, the boxer reflexes took a nap!
Mike Tyson tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the boxer will bounce back!
Well-deserved break. Moahmed Fakhri looks like someone who just ran a marathon. I've been told Moahmed Fakhri once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Muhammad gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the military leader touch can't save that one!
Mike Tyson plays through exhaustion! The endurance of pummelling the heavy bags daily!
This hungry young player NOAH commits the offensive foul! Turnover driving to the hoop!
This guy nobody was talking about NOAH gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Mike Tyson walks off in defeat! Even a boxer's skills couldn't save tonight!
NOAH sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Mike Tyson puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
76-120 (L)
Moahmed Fakhri drives onto the floor! The crowd roars for this unknown gem!
Mike Tyson clanks it off the rim! That sounded like the hand wraps hitting the heavy bags!
This total unknown NOAH gets pickpocketed at the top of the key! Sloppy handling!
Moahmed Fakhri gambles for the steal and pays the price! Hot head!
Moahmed Fakhri glares at the leather! Like it personally betrayed this association football player!
Halftime. Moahmed Fakhri is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. True story: Moahmed Fakhri had his parking spot stolen by Cleveland Twin-Towers's mascot. Still talks about it. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Moahmed Fakhri goes to work and fires but misses everything! Tendency to force bad shots tonight!
Muhammad, this solid build, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
This franchise cornerstone Mike Tyson with turnover number points! Hot head is piling up!
Moahmed Fakhri, this do-it-all player, throws the hands up! Exasperated at the buzzer!
Muhammad, this hall-of-fame lock, takes the loss hard. Ego the size of Texas at the wrong moments.
NOAH kicks his towel across the floor. Mike Tyson has already left for the locker room, alone. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
88-116 (L)
Moahmed Fakhri, this potential breakout star, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Moahmed Fakhri misses the free throw! Scoring the winning goal under pressure is easier!
Moahmed Fakhri dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the association football player's finest moment!
Mike Tyson bites on the fake! Fooled like a boxer by counterfeit the heavy bags!
What a play by Mike Tyson! A reverse layup back to the basket! This basketball god is cooking!
Back in the locker room, NOAH sits down and stares at the ceiling. Did you know NOAH keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Muhammad dribbles the towel! This all-time great showing hot head!
Muhammad misses! Even a military leader can't fix that shot!
Mike Tyson calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's boxer mentality!
Muhammad, this absolute legend, is dragging! The four quarters minutes taking their toll!
Muhammad packs up and heads out! Packing the battle standard, unpacking emotions!
Moahmed Fakhri collapses into the first available chair. Muhammad stays standing, eyes glazed over. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Moahmed Fakhri's name. Forgive me. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
84-128 (L)
Moahmed Fakhri gets the starting nod! An association football player starting with their football boots confidence!
Mike Tyson can't buy a bucket! Another miss at the buzzer! Frustrating!
NOAH with the lazy pass! Hot head leading to easy points!
Moahmed Fakhri gives up the easy bucket! Easier than scoring the winning goal!
Moahmed Fakhri, this newcomer, barks at the teammate! Ego the size of Texas taking over!
Break. Muhammad collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. I've been told Muhammad once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
NOAH skips it off the rim! The tragic hero has better hop than that!
Mike Tyson, this pint-sized baller, looks exhausted along the baseline! The legs are gone!
This unknown gem NOAH loses concentration and the Spalding with it!
This surprise package Moahmed Fakhri hangs the head after the miss! Deflated from the right corner!
This franchise cornerstone Mike Tyson shakes hands and moves on. In the end, occasional mental lapses proved costly.
Moahmed Fakhri mutters 'damn' under his breath. Muhammad says 'yeah' in the same tone. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
84-122 (L)
Muhammad shoots with energy from the opening whistle! This once-in-a-lifetime player locked in!
Muhammad dribbles the ball but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Muhammad forces the pass! Forcing the battle standard where it doesn't fit!
Mike Tyson gets blown by! Even a boxer couldn't stop that!
Moahmed Fakhri mouths off and picks up a T! Tendency to rush taking over!
Well-deserved break. NOAH looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Fun fact: NOAH tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
A two-handed slam attempt by NOAH falls short! Hot head in the legs!
Mike Tyson grimaces through the effort! The grimace of a boxer finishing the heavy bags!
Mike Tyson turns it over on the final possession! A boxer dropping the hand wraps at the worst time!
Muhammad mutters to himself walking back! This franchise cornerstone fighting inner demons!
Moahmed Fakhri shakes hands through the pain! An association football player who respects their football boots and the game!
Mike Tyson pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Moahmed Fakhri takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. Tonight I learned Mike Tyson used to be a boxer before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Muhammad.
Season Journal
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby!
Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Muhammad! Picture this: the man is massive, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight.
The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins.
Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Mike Tyson is on this team. Mike Tyson, who is a boxer and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with hand wraps under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world.
The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Muhammad.
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