GODS IF U DONT WIN KEVIN HART WILL SMITE YOU — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | GODS IF U DONT WIN KEVIN HART WILL SMITE YOU | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. Ladies and gentlemen... GODS IF U DONT WIN KEVIN HART WILL SMITE YOU! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Jesus Christ. The man is massive, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Godzilla. The man is an amateur. Yes, you heard that right. An amateur. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Godzilla had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. Let's talk money. We'll keep it short because there ain't any. The budget is so low that the equipment manager also does the accounting, the post-game spread is leftover Domino's on discount, and the last free agent who toured the facility ran for the hills. But damn it, these guys don't care. They play with the fury of men who have everything to prove and nothing to lose. This is the most dangerous team in the league, not because they're good, but because they don't give a single damn about losing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
88-132 (L)
The game begins and Zeus is ready! You can see that dawg mentality written all over his face!
Zeus forces up a layup over the defense! Hot head! Bad decision!
Jesus Christ throws it away! A pass worse than a messiah tossing the game!
Jesus Christ bites on the fake! Fooled like a messiah by counterfeit the game!
Jesus Christ drops the head after another miss! Shaky emotions under pressure sapping the confidence!
Well-deserved break. Godzilla looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Little scoop: Godzilla collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
The Buddha gets blocked! Rejected harder than a religious founder's worst day on the job!
Zeus, this tweener, looks exhausted from downtown! The legs are gone!
King Kong, this smooth operator, commits the travel! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the footwork!
This established star Godzilla throws an elbow in frustration! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Jesus Christ looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a messiah!
The Buddha mutters 'damn' under his breath. Jesus Christ says 'yeah' in the same tone. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
89-134 (L)
And we're underway! King Kong touches the ball first! This established star looks eager!
The Buddha misses the open look! A religious founder never misses the game... But misses the Wilson!
Sloppy handling by The Buddha! Competing the game is done with more finesse!
Zeus gets burned on the drive! Lack of consistency in lateral movement!
Zeus storms to the bench! This hidden prospect is visibly upset!
Well-deserved break. King Kong looks like someone who just ran a marathon. I've been told King Kong always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
This guy everybody knows King Kong rattles it out! So close yet so far at the buzzer!
The Buddha is cramping up! This certified GOAT candidate trying to shake it off! Tendency to rush!
Godzilla coughs up the basketball! Tendency to force bad shots strikes again under the basket!
Godzilla glares at the scoreboard! This reliable star not happy with the situation!
Zeus had the chances but couldn't convert. This diamond in the rough left wanting.
Godzilla mutters 'damn' under his breath. The Buddha says 'yeah' in the same tone. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
85-129 (L)
Godzilla, this tweener, sets the tone immediately! An unmatched feel for the game from the jump!
King Kong fires a free throw in transition but can't connect! Injury-prone body showing!
King Kong charges right into the defender! Turnover! Tendency to force bad shots when controlling pace!
Jesus Christ can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
The Buddha posts up angrily after the turnover! This undisputed superstar spiraling!
Halftime whistle. King Kong high-fives his teammates on the way out. They say King Kong eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
The Buddha bricks it! Not the same accuracy as competing the game!
Zeus is visibly tired! This unknown gem needs a timeout badly!
Zeus, this smooth operator, fumbles the entry pass from downtown!
This player nobody saw coming Zeus hangs the head after the miss! Deflated back to the basket!
This max-contract guy Godzilla leaves the arena with head held high. Fought to the end.
Godzilla leaves the court at a jog. King Kong stays there, planted at center court, motionless. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
77-121 (L)
Game time! Zeus and this potential breakout star ready to put on a show at the palace of hoops!
Jesus Christ misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their bare hands at the game!
Godzilla, this versatile guy, gets stripped from downtown! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
King Kong gambles for the steal and pays the price! Tendency to rush!
Jesus Christ, this first-ballot legend, barks at the teammate! Occasional mental lapses taking over!
The locker room fills up. Zeus has already eaten three oranges. Anecdote: Zeus once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Off the mark for Jesus Christ! Great messiah, not so great at basketball tonight!
Jesus Christ is spent! Used up like the game after a messiah's long day!
Jesus Christ with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the game!
King Kong picks up the second technical! This established star ejected! Heavy feet!
Zeus goes to work to the tunnel in disappointment. This newcomer will learn from this.
Zeus stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Jesus Christ comes back to get him. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
75-120 (L)
Tip-off! Godzilla gets us started! Let's go!
Zeus goes to work the ball but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Jesus Christ with a wild pass that sails out! This basketball god giving it away!
Jesus Christ can't contain the drive! Competing the game is more containable!
King Kong crosses over the towel! This guy everybody knows showing lack of consistency!
Halftime whistle. Zeus high-fives his teammates on the way out. The staff told me Zeus sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
This living legend Jesus Christ muscles up a devastating dunk but can't get it to fall!
The Buddha, this do-it-all player, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
The Buddha gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a religious founder's grip!
Jesus Christ looks to the heavens! A messiah praying for their bare hands to work!
Godzilla, this reliable star, takes the loss hard. Hot head at the wrong moments.
Godzilla pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Zeus takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
84-128 (L)
This certified GOAT candidate Jesus Christ in the starting lineup! Let's see what this certified GOAT candidate brings!
The Buddha can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the pill differently than the game!
The Buddha loses possession! The game never leaves a religious founder's hands like that!
Zeus reacts too late to rotate! Injury-prone body on the help side!
King Kong slams the pill in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!
Time to breathe. King Kong has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. True story: King Kong walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Los Angeles Nursing-Home. Awkward. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
A fadeaway jumper attempt by Godzilla falls short! Tendency to rush in the legs!
The Buddha plays through exhaustion! The endurance of competing the game daily!
Jesus Christ dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the messiah's finest moment!
Zeus, this solid build, pounds the scorer's table! Lack of consistency on full display!
This generational talent The Buddha shakes hands and moves on. In the end, sometimes predictable game proved costly.
Jesus Christ chews his nails on the bench. King Kong stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
87-132 (L)
Jesus Christ, this potential GOAT, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Godzilla with a rough off-balance shot along the baseline! Heavy feet at the worst time!
Jesus Christ dishes the pill right to the defense! Costly mistake by this franchise cornerstone!
King Kong, this solid build, gets dunked on from way beyond the arc! Poster material!
This established star Godzilla can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
End of the first act. Zeus is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Did you know Zeus started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
The Buddha launches a bank shot and... Airball! Tendency to rush at its peak!
Jesus Christ jogs instead of sprints! Conserving energy for competing the game tomorrow!
The Buddha drives into a trap! Defense that's basically a suggestion when reading the defense!
Jesus Christ stares in disbelief! The look of a messiah who just lost everything!
Zeus, this versatile guy, hangs the head. Tough loss despite next-level basketball IQ effort.
Jesus Christ lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Godzilla holds his in. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
78-123 (L)
Jesus Christ starts in the playmaker! Playing the playmaker way a messiah plays with their bare hands!
An off-balance shot from Godzilla sails wide! This bonafide star needs to regroup!
Jesus Christ trips up in the left wing! A messiah never trips at work... Right?
King Kong loses the screen battle! Lack of consistency around the picks!
King Kong gets a technical for complaining! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
Break. The Buddha collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Intel: The Buddha asked Minnesota Ice-Wall for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Jesus Christ clanks another one off the rim! This basketball god needs to find rhythm!
King Kong steps back sluggishly! Tendency to rush catching up with this bonafide star!
This newcomer Zeus with turnover number points! Tendency to rush is piling up!
This basketball god Jesus Christ shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
This surprise package Zeus tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Jesus Christ turns back to look at the court one last time. Godzilla doesn't turn around. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
84-128 (L)
King Kong pulls up into position! This elite player not wasting any time!
An and-one from Jesus Christ catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
This jersey-selling name Godzilla dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
King Kong lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this elite player fooled!
Jesus Christ kicks the air! The frustration of a messiah who knows they can do better!
The players disappear. Jesus Christ has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Did you know Jesus Christ once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
The Buddha fires and misses from back to the basket. Should have stuck with the game!
The Buddha mops their face! Sweating more than when competing the game!
Intercepted! Jesus Christ's pass snatched right out of the air! A messiah would never be that careless!
King Kong mutters to himself walking back! This certified bucket fighting inner demons!
Jesus Christ sits alone on the bench. This household name processing the defeat.
Jesus Christ watches the crowd file out in silence. Zeus prefers not to look. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
80-124 (L)
The Buddha stretches center court! Loosening up, the religious founder is getting ready!
King Kong, this combo guard, gets the separation but can't finish! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
This hungry young player Zeus commits the offensive foul! Turnover from the right corner!
The Buddha gets blown by! Even a religious founder couldn't stop that!
Jesus Christ sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a messiah after a long shift!
Halftime whistle! Jesus Christ slides down against the hallway wall. True story: Jesus Christ had his parking spot stolen by Denver Horse-Track's mascot. Still talks about it. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Zeus with the off-balance two-handed slam! This total unknown couldn't set the feet!
The Buddha stumbles on the play! Stumbling like a religious founder over the game!
Zeus throws it away! Injury-prone body under pressure at half court!
Zeus, this diamond in the rough, refuses to high-five! Ego the size of Texas hurting the chemistry!
Zeus reflects on what could have been. Tendency to force bad shots the difference tonight.
Zeus takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Jesus Christ follows the same path. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
81-125 (L)
Zeus dishes onto the floor! The crowd roars for this rising star!
Jesus Christ can't convert! The messiah's touch with the game deserted them!
King Kong posts up carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
This dark horse Zeus gives up the offensive rebound! Tendency to force bad shots when boxing out!
Godzilla mouths off and picks up a T! Occasional mental lapses taking over!
Into the tunnel. Zeus grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Fun fact: Zeus tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
The Buddha misses! Even a religious founder can't fix that shot!
King Kong, this headliner, is dragging! The allotted time minutes taking their toll!
King Kong passes to nobody! This reliable star with a head-scratching decision!
Zeus, this newcomer, yells at the coaching staff! Limited stamina causing friction!
This certified bucket Godzilla stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this certified bucket wanted.
Godzilla scratches the back of his neck nervously. The Buddha has the look of someone who has seen things. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
76-121 (L)
Jesus Christ takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Zeus steps back the pill right into the defender's hands! Lack of consistency!
Godzilla, this solid build, gets the ball poked away! Hot head when protecting the leather!
King Kong, this swiss-army-knife type, can't keep up with the speed! Hot head exposed!
Godzilla dishes and kicks the stanchion! This guy everybody knows losing composure!
The players disappear into the tunnel. King Kong asks for an ice pack. Did you know King Kong started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Zeus steps back but the shot rims out! Hot head rears its ugly head!
This max-contract guy Godzilla has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
King Kong tries to be too fancy and loses the damn ball! Hot head in the decision-making!
This unknown gem Zeus slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
This world-class player Godzilla congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this world-class player.
King Kong slams his fist on the bench. Godzilla places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
77-121 (L)
The Buddha steps onto the floor! From competing the game to this, game time!
Godzilla can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this reliable star!
The Buddha dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a religious founder like that!
This player nobody saw coming Zeus misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Zeus, this solid build, waves off the play call! Tendency to rush hurting the team!
Off to the locker room. King Kong has already drained two water bottles. Quick anecdote about King Kong: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Jesus Christ shoots short! Not enough juice! Even a messiah would cringe!
King Kong rises up but the legs won't cooperate! Injury-prone body catching up!
This surprise package Zeus commits the 5-second violation! Clock management ego the size of Texas!
King Kong, this guy everybody knows, with the frustrated foul! Heavy feet in tough moments!
King Kong rises up past the media. This certified bucket not in the mood to talk.
Jesus Christ bites his lip, fists clenched. Godzilla shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
75-120 (L)
The Buddha looks dialed in from the start! A killer instinct preparation showing!
Jesus Christ misses in the dying seconds! A messiah dropping the game at the worst time!
King Kong takes off into a dead end in the paint! Turnover! Hot head!
Godzilla, this swiss-army-knife type, gets blown by on the perimeter! Occasional mental lapses in the legs!
The Buddha storms to the bench! Heated! This religious founder doesn't handle losing well!
Coach calls everyone back. Godzilla drags his feet toward the tunnel. Physio's confession: Godzilla purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Jesus Christ, this smooth operator, wastes a golden chance with a wild tear drop!
King Kong is gassed! This world-class player bent over at half court! Tendency to rush catching up!
This certified bucket Godzilla gets pickpocketed on the low block! Sloppy handling!
Godzilla, this versatile guy, shows negative body language! Lack of consistency creeping in!
King Kong, this solid build, trudges off the temple of basketball. Lessons to take from this one.
Zeus punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Jesus Christ slides down the wall to the floor. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
78-122 (L)
This All-Star caliber talent Godzilla comes out firing! A hook shot in the first minute!
This max-contract guy King Kong throws up a prayer driving to the hoop! Not answered!
This multi-time All-Star King Kong loses concentration and the pill with it!
King Kong scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Hot head!
Jesus Christ glares at the Wilson! Like it personally betrayed this messiah!
Well-deserved break. Jesus Christ looks like someone who just ran a marathon. I've been told Jesus Christ always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
The Buddha misfires! The religious founder's precision with the game is nowhere to be found!
Zeus, this surprise package, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
King Kong with the backcourt violation! This All-Star caliber talent under too much pressure!
King Kong can't mask the disappointment! This jersey-selling name wearing it on the sleeve!
King Kong, this big-name player, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Zeus pulls his cap down over his eyes. Godzilla doesn't have a cap, and it shows. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
GODS IF U DONT WIN KEVIN HART WILL SMITE YOU finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jesus Christ.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. Ladies and gentlemen... GODS IF U DONT WIN KEVIN HART WILL SMITE YOU!
There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Jesus Christ. The man is massive, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.
I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it.
Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Godzilla. The man is an amateur. Yes, you heard that right. An amateur. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Godzilla had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn.
Let's talk money. We'll keep it short because there ain't any. The budget is so low that the equipment manager also does the accounting, the post-game spread is leftover Domino's on discount, and the last free agent who toured the facility ran for the hills. But damn it, these guys don't care. They play with the fury of men who have everything to prove and nothing to lose. This is the most dangerous team in the league, not because they're good, but because they don't give a single damn about losing.
GODS IF U DONT WIN KEVIN HART WILL SMITE YOU finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jesus Christ.
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