My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Shaquille O'Neal! Picture this: standing at 216 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Erling Haaland. Profession? Association football player. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their football boots, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the winning goal could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. The budget? Astronomical. The owner said "let's go" and signed the check without even looking at the number. We're deep into the luxury tax, every dollar over the threshold costs triple, and the accountant has nightmares every single night. But when you've got two superstars, a fifteen-man roster where the weakest link would start elsewhere, and a coaching staff paid in gold, you don't give a damn about the bill. It's championship or bust, and they've chosen their side.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
76-121 (L)
Erling Haaland, this hall-of-fame lock, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Tim Duncan, this mountain of a man, can't finish on the low block! That one stings!
John Stockton spins the pill right to the defense! Costly mistake by this established player!
Erling Haaland gets blown by! Even an association football player couldn't stop that!
Tim Duncan storms to the bench! This All-Star caliber talent is visibly upset!
The locker room. John Stockton sprawls out full-length on the bench. Exclusive info: John Stockton is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Hulk misfires again! Having the hidden truth-shaped night!
Shaquille O'Neal, this long boy, with tired legs at half court! Lack of consistency slowing this basketball god down!
John Stockton, this tweener, steps out of bounds with the orange! Mental lapse!
Tim Duncan slams the basketball in frustration! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
This reliable star Tim Duncan shakes hands and moves on. In the end, hot head proved costly.
Tim Duncan bites the inside of his cheek. Hulk pinches the bridge of his nose. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
102-103 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal looks dialed in from the start! Unreal swagger preparation showing!
Tim Duncan scores at will! A bank shot at the buzzer! This max-contract guy domination!
Tim Duncan bites on the pump fake! This established star sent flying back to the basket!
John Stockton forces a catch-and-shoot triple at half court! This solid pro trying too hard!
Erling Haaland, this tweener, energizes the crowd! Immense pressure! Comeback vibes!
Halftime whistle! John Stockton slides down against the hallway wall. Fun fact: John Stockton tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Tim Duncan gets stripped with seconds left on the clock! That's gonna be a costly turnover!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, waves off the play call! Hot head hurting the team!
The arc of this game bends toward John Stockton! This player making noise controlling destiny!
This up-and-coming baller John Stockton picks up the foul on the decisive possession! Terrible timing!
Hulk shakes hands through the pain! A scientist who respects their lab notebook and the game!
Tim Duncan claps his hands in frustration. John Stockton clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
110-105 (W)
Hulk takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
This absolute legend Shaquille O'Neal with the volleyball spike a clutch steal! Emphatic!
Shaquille O'Neal posts up the basketball into nothing! Heavy feet on full display tonight!
Erling Haaland, this potential GOAT, unleashes an off-balance shot on the low block! Bang!
Shaquille O'Neal goes to work with purpose every possession! This global icon chess master!
Finally a breather. Erling Haaland has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Confession: Erling Haaland calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
This basketball god Shaquille O'Neal converts the and-one at the last second! Three-point play!
This up-and-coming baller John Stockton disrupts the play with a timely clutch steal!
Erling Haaland dribbles and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
This up-and-coming baller John Stockton drains the pressure shot! Right from the tip-off! That's a superstar!
John Stockton, this smooth operator, celebrates the win! A chest bump! What a game!
John Stockton climbs onto the scorer's table. Erling Haaland joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
111-97 (W)
Erling Haaland announces themselves! The association football player has arrived and the building knows it!
Shaquille O'Neal with the crafty hook shot! Nerves of steel on display!
Hulk with the help-side iron-wall defense! This all-time great always in position!
Erling Haaland, this living legend, sets the table from way beyond the arc! Assist master!
Shaquille O'Neal uses the hesitation dribble! A gym-rat work ethic creating separation!
Well-deserved break. Erling Haaland looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Fun fact: Erling Haaland got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Tim Duncan knocks down a sky hook at the top of the key! Ice in the veins!
The crowd is on its feet! Immense pressure as Shaquille O'Neal takes the court!
Tim Duncan, this top-tier talent, runs the play exactly as drawn! Execution!
Tim Duncan, this colossus, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this max-contract guy right now!
Shaquille O'Neal, this certified GOAT candidate, points to the crowd! A hug with the coach! This was for the fans!
Tim Duncan and Erling Haaland pretend to fish John Stockton out of the crowd. They pull hard. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
118-91 (W)
Tim Duncan, this towering presence, takes the court! The palpable tension is electric!
John Stockton, this legit talent, drills another step-back three facing the rim! Automatic!
John Stockton reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
Hulk with the lob pass from the right corner! This once-in-a-lifetime player to the teammate! Boom!
This hall-of-fame lock Shaquille O'Neal attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Break. Erling Haaland collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Anecdote: Erling Haaland once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Tim Duncan dribbles the orange with flair and hits a buzzer-beater! Sensational!
Deafening noise! Tim Duncan explodes and the building shakes!
This world-class player Tim Duncan runs the leather patiently! Searching for the perfect shot!
Hulk brings blue-collar their lab notebook grit to the hardwood!
Erling Haaland heads to the locker room with a smile! Good day at the office for the association football player!
John Stockton performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Erling Haaland imitates it. It's worse. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
102-110 (L)
Hulk dribbles into position! This once-in-a-lifetime player not wasting any time!
A layup attempt by Hulk falls short! Limited stamina in the legs!
This all-time great Erling Haaland dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Hulk gets caught flat-footed! This generational talent beaten to the spot!
This well-respected player John Stockton with a picture-perfect double-clutch layup! The crowd goes wild!
Halftime whistle. Hulk flops into the first available chair. Fun fact: Hulk is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
John Stockton, this well-respected player, with the frustrated foul! Limited stamina in tough moments!
A scoop layup from Tim Duncan goes in and out! Heartbreaking driving to the hoop!
This world-class player Tim Duncan adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
This hall-of-fame lock Shaquille O'Neal calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Shaky emotions under pressure taking its toll!
Shaquille O'Neal walks off in silence. This hall-of-fame lock gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Hulk's complexion is grey. Shaquille O'Neal's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
102-101 (W)
This established star Tim Duncan opens the scoring! A euro-step! Early advantage!
Erling Haaland springs the trap! The association football player instinct is real!
Erling Haaland with a wild attempt! This living legend not finding the range tonight!
Shaquille O'Neal, this potential GOAT, knifes through for a reverse layup at the buzzer! Wow!
Hulk uses their size out there! The scientist has a built-in advantage!
Break. John Stockton asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. True story: John Stockton walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Toronto Border-Patrol. Awkward. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
John Stockton lets fly and drills it! On the inbound pass! Natural-born leadership under pressure!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, blankets the shooter driving to the hoop! No daylight!
The crowd chants Hulk's name! A crowd fully behind them for the scientist with their lab notebook!
Shaquille O'Neal dunks and finishes through contact! And-one at the jump ball!
Tim Duncan can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Shaquille O'Neal blows a kiss to the camera. Erling Haaland blows twelve. Tim Duncan blocks the lens. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
103-94 (W)
Game time! John Stockton and this well-respected player ready to put on a show at the gym!
A euro-step from Tim Duncan! That's silky smooth technique at the highest level!
Hulk with a defensive stop! The reflexes of a scientist catching the hidden truth!
John Stockton, this tweener, finds the trailer! A half-court heave off the assist, easy money!
This jersey-selling name Tim Duncan recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Break! John Stockton takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Did you know? John Stockton has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Hulk blows past the rock into an and-one! Natural-born leadership shining through!
An electric crowd, all because of a scientist named Hulk with the hidden truth!
Hulk sprints back on defense! This first-ballot legend leading by example!
This solid pro John Stockton refuses to lose! The will of a champion!
Erling Haaland celebrates at the final buzzer! Celebration worthy of their football boots!
John Stockton and Erling Haaland do the conga. Alone. On an empty court. Nobody joins in. I got a text from John Stockton after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
108-87 (W)
Hulk, this combo guard, announced to huge cheers! Wild stands!
This max-contract guy Tim Duncan with a cold-blooded hook shot! No conscience!
John Stockton, this smooth operator, alters the shot! That dawg mentality at the rim!
Hulk with the alley-oop pass! Launching the orange with scientist precision!
Hulk runs the offense! Running it like a scientist runs the show!
The players file out. Erling Haaland exchanges a tense look with the coach. Anecdote: Erling Haaland once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Shaquille O'Neal, this once-in-a-lifetime player, reads the play perfectly and delivers a layup!
You can feel a cathedral silence through the screen! Shaquille O'Neal in the spotlight!
Shaquille O'Neal sacrifices the body taking the charge! This once-in-a-lifetime player ultimate teammate!
Shaquille O'Neal is the protagonist tonight! This once-in-a-lifetime player authoring a masterpiece!
Hulk owns the night! Owner of the court and the hidden truth alike!
Hulk pretends to plant a flag at center court. Shaquille O'Neal stands at attention. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
102-90 (W)
This big-name player Tim Duncan means business! Fast start under the basket!
John Stockton, this up-and-coming baller, absolutely nails a thunderous slam from downtown! Take a bow!
This max-contract guy Tim Duncan holds ground from mid-range! Immovable object!
This established player John Stockton with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Shaquille O'Neal pulls up to the right spot! Next-level basketball IQ off-ball movement!
Off to the locker room. Erling Haaland has already drained two water bottles. Did you know Erling Haaland knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Denver Horse-Track's colors. By accident, obviously. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Hulk hits the triple! Three points, three cheers for this scientist turned baller!
The crowd does the wave for Erling Haaland! Association football player pride!
This top-tier talent Tim Duncan swings the ball around! Freakish explosiveness ball movement!
This game belongs to Shaquille O'Neal! This guy with rings on every finger stamping authority from downtown!
Hulk wraps up with a double-double! Double duty: their lab notebook and the pill!
John Stockton cries tears of joy in Erling Haaland's arms. Shaquille O'Neal is also crying but nobody knows why. Behind the scenes, I learned Erling Haaland was also an association football player in a past life. You can feel it in the game. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
113-100 (W)
Hulk comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the scientist means business!
Shaquille O'Neal, this walking skyscraper, takes over at the top of the key. A pull-up jumper! That's elite!
Hulk, this solid build, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a perfect contest!
John Stockton with the bounce pass! This dude putting the league on notice threading it perfectly!
Shaquille O'Neal, this potential GOAT, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Halftime. Hulk glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Fun fact: Hulk tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. We're back! The players look fired up.
Hulk with the step-back devastating dunk! Creating space like a scientist with their lab notebook!
Listen to that roar! Hulk rises up and the place explodes!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal dives for the loose ball! Night-in night-out consistency on every play!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Shaquille O'Neal turns adversity into fuel! A dramatic twist energy!
This next-level player John Stockton seals the deal! Victory with eyes in the back of the head!
Shaquille O'Neal moonwalks across the hardwood. Tim Duncan attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
87-129 (L)
Hulk locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a scientist who means business!
Hulk with the contested off-balance shot from the left corner! No good! Bad selection!
Erling Haaland turns it over on a clutch free throw! An association football player dropping their football boots at the worst time!
Hulk gets posted up and scored on! This once-in-a-lifetime player overpowered!
Tim Duncan drops the head after another miss! Injury-prone body sapping the confidence!
Halftime whistle. Tim Duncan flops into the first available chair. Rumor has it Tim Duncan talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Tim Duncan with a rough two-handed slam along the baseline! Limited stamina at the worst time!
Shaquille O'Neal is running on pure willpower! This generational talent refusing to quit!
This established player John Stockton commits the 5-second violation! Clock management lack of consistency!
Erling Haaland gets a technical for complaining! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Shaquille O'Neal, this hall-of-fame lock, takes the loss hard. Defense that's basically a suggestion at the wrong moments.
John Stockton's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Erling Haaland hides his eyes under a towel. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
106-110 (L)
This well-respected player John Stockton catches the pill early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
What a play by John Stockton! A scoop layup from the left corner! This solid pro is cooking!
Tim Duncan gets crossed over! This elite player left frozen at the top of the key!
Hulk, this versatile guy, wastes a golden chance with a wild deep three!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal rallies the troops! The team feeds off pure God-given talent!
Halftime. Shaquille O'Neal is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. They say Shaquille O'Neal has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Tim Duncan turns it over at the jump ball! This guy everybody knows crumbles under pressure!
Tim Duncan mouths off and picks up a T! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
John Stockton explodes into the record books! This legit talent making memories!
Hulk, this once-in-a-lifetime player, air-balls in the closing moments! The crowd is stunned!
Tim Duncan explodes to the tunnel in disappointment. This established star will learn from this.
John Stockton turns back to look at the court one last time. Erling Haaland doesn't turn around. I got a text from John Stockton after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
108-92 (W)
Tim Duncan, this 7-footer, sets the tone immediately! Iron discipline from the jump!
Erling Haaland attacks and delivers a two-handed slam! Their football boots by day, buckets by night!
Shaquille O'Neal with the huge commanding rebound facing the rim! This global icon says no!
Erling Haaland finds the cutter! Eyes everywhere, classic association football player awareness!
Shaquille O'Neal, this once-in-a-lifetime player, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Unreal swagger!
Back to the locker room. Tim Duncan punches his locker. Did you know Tim Duncan entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
A deep three from downtown by John Stockton! This tweener with the long range!
Standing room only! A cathedral silence as John Stockton takes over from downtown!
Tim Duncan, this 7-footer, boxes out for the teammate! This certified bucket doing the dirty work!
Erling Haaland, this do-it-all player, makes a statement! This basketball god is here to stay!
Erling Haaland finishes what they started! Finishing the ball like finishing the winning goal!
John Stockton does the floss while Erling Haaland spins like a top. Shaquille O'Neal just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
102-122 (L)
This multi-time All-Star Tim Duncan in the starting lineup! Let's see what this multi-time All-Star brings!
John Stockton air-mails a reverse layup back to the basket! Way off for this dude putting the league on notice!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted back to the basket!
This absolute legend Hulk bites on the fake! Beaten from mid-range!
Hulk converts the and-one! Tough as discoverring the hidden truth all day!
Halftime whistle! Tim Duncan slides down against the hallway wall. Anecdote: Tim Duncan fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
This generational talent Erling Haaland hangs the head after the miss! Deflated from downtown!
Shaquille O'Neal rushes a devastating dunk driving to the hoop! Tendency to force bad shots creeping in!
Shaquille O'Neal reads the defense perfectly! Night-in night-out consistency and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Tim Duncan short-arms the shot from fatigue! This bonafide star has nothing left!
Erling Haaland looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for an association football player!
Shaquille O'Neal stares at the floor while John Stockton mutters something inaudible under his breath. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
My Team ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!
Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Shaquille O'Neal! Picture this: standing at 216 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight.
And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy.
Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Erling Haaland. Profession? Association football player. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their football boots, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the winning goal could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn.
The budget? Astronomical. The owner said "let's go" and signed the check without even looking at the number. We're deep into the luxury tax, every dollar over the threshold costs triple, and the accountant has nightmares every single night. But when you've got two superstars, a fifteen-man roster where the weakest link would start elsewhere, and a coaching staff paid in gold, you don't give a damn about the bill. It's championship or bust, and they've chosen their side.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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