The greats — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | The greats | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Phoenix No-Defense | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. Ladies and gentlemen... The greats! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Shaquille O'Neal on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 216 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Barack Obama. The man. Is. A community organizer. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A community organizer. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their bullhorn and apparently, the technical motion of a community organizer and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. The budget? It's "here, take my credit card and go nuts." The owner is a damn billionaire who wants a championship ring the way other people want a yacht. Every position is doubled up, every role player is a former All-Star, and the bench is so deep that the twelfth man on this team would start for half the league. It's an armada, a war machine, and everyone in this building knows that if these guys don't win the title, it's a goddamn scandal.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
89-133 (L)
Game time! Stephen Curry and this headliner ready to put on a show at the temple of basketball!
John Cena, this swiss-army-knife type, gets stuffed trying a buzzer beater! Denied!
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted on the low block!
This global icon Barack Obama misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Michael Jordan mutters to himself walking back! This potential GOAT fighting inner demons!
The locker room fills up. Michael Jordan has already eaten three oranges. I've been told Michael Jordan once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
John Cena misses at late in the quarter! An executive producer dropping the next blockbuster at the worst time!
Barack Obama looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a community organizer relieved of their bullhorn!
Barack Obama trips up in the corner! A community organizer never trips at work... Right?
Shaquille O'Neal gets a technical for complaining! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
This franchise guy Stephen Curry leaves the field house with head held high. Fought to the end.
Barack Obama sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Michael Jordan winces. I got a text from Barack Obama after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
101-104 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, sets the tone immediately! Night-in night-out consistency from the jump!
John Cena punishes the defense! An executive producer punishing the next blockbuster with precision!
Barack Obama gets screened out! Stuck behind their bullhorn like it's a wall!
John Cena fires a half-court heave driving to the hoop but can't connect! Hot head showing!
Shaquille O'Neal takes the lead! A tear drop! The comeback is complete! Unbelievable!
Well-deserved break. John Cena looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Anecdote: John Cena once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Shaquille O'Neal misses in the clutch! A buzzer-beater off the mark in the second quarter!
This certified bucket Stephen Curry can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Shaquille O'Neal is writing the story tonight! This certified GOAT candidate with a catch-and-shoot triple facing the rim!
Shaquille O'Neal, this absolute unit, chokes on the big stage! On a strategic timeout miss!
This basketball god Michael Jordan shakes hands and moves on. In the end, heavy feet proved costly.
Stephen Curry lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Michael Jordan holds his in. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
125-79 (W)
Barack Obama checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal with a picture-perfect floater! The crowd goes wild!
Stephen Curry fades away into the lane and kicks out! Ridiculous creativity and great decision-making!
Barack Obama scores in transition! Fast as a community organizer grabbing their bullhorn!
Shaquille O'Neal, this certified GOAT candidate, walls up from the right corner! Impenetrable defense!
Halftime whistle. Barack Obama flops into the first available chair. Exclusive info: Barack Obama is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Shaquille O'Neal scores with eyes in the back of the head. A finger roll in transition! Too smooth!
Stephen Curry crosses over to yet another easy bucket! The floodgates opened!
John Cena just chest-bumped with their production slate force! Their teammate felt that!
Barack Obama points to the sky after a devastating dunk! This living legend in the zone!
Stephen Curry dunks off the court victorious! This reliable star leaves it all out there!
Shaquille O'Neal blows a kiss to the camera. Stephen Curry blows twelve. Michael Jordan blocks the lens. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
112-108 (W)
Stephen Curry takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, erases the shot at the rim! Rim protector!
Stephen Curry can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this certified bucket!
A pull-up jumper by John Cena from the right corner! Nerves of steel in every fiber!
Stephen Curry pushes the pace in transition! Eyes in the back of the head showing in every play!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Barack Obama picks up the pace. Fun fact: Barack Obama tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Barack Obama, this tweener, hits the big shot! In the money time! That's a closer!
Barack Obama with the rejection! Get that out of here! Community organizer says no!
The arena trembles! Stephen Curry with the play and immense pressure follows!
John Cena delivers at after a timeout! An executive producer who always delivers on time!
Stephen Curry steps back to the crowd! A victory dance! This big-name player gave everything!
Stephen Curry makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. Michael Jordan makes the 'call us' gesture. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
101-96 (W)
Michael Jordan, this franchise cornerstone, draws first blood! An and-one to start!
John Cena floats one in from back to the basket! Delicate as an executive producer with their production slate!
Shaquille O'Neal, this hall-of-fame lock, shuts down the play from way beyond the arc! Lockdown defender!
John Cena spots the mismatch! Eagle-eyed like an executive producer inspecting the next blockbuster!
Barack Obama sets the screen at the perfect angle! This once-in-a-lifetime player cerebral play!
Heading in. Shaquille O'Neal's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. The staff told me Shaquille O'Neal sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Michael Jordan attacks and it's an alley-oop! This living legend proving the doubters wrong!
Michael Jordan, this 7-footer, commands immense pressure! The arena belongs to this guy with rings on every finger!
John Cena barks out defensive calls! The voice of their production slate echoes across the palace of hoops!
Stephen Curry crosses over into the record books! This big-name player making memories!
Barack Obama dunks in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
John Cena makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Stephen Curry makes a bigger heart. Shaquille O'Neal makes a massive heart. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Stephen Curry. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
89-103 (L)
This world-class player Stephen Curry gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Shaquille O'Neal, this giant, gets the look but can't convert driving to the hoop!
Shaquille O'Neal with the errant pass! This global icon needs to settle down!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, gets dunked on off the pick and roll! Poster material!
A free throw from Michael Jordan! This household name is putting on a show tonight!
Halftime. Shaquille O'Neal glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Intel: Shaquille O'Neal once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Barack Obama, this undisputed superstar, with a contested pull-up jumper that misses at the top of the key!
Barack Obama uses an aggressive small-ball lineup brilliantly! Strategy from rallying the neighborhood!
John Cena is gassed! More tired than after a full day of greenlighting the next blockbuster!
Michael Jordan had the chances but couldn't convert. This undisputed superstar left wanting.
Shaquille O'Neal replays the score in his head on a loop. John Cena tries to think about something else. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
117-98 (W)
John Cena wins the opening tip! Tipping off with executive producer energy!
Shaquille O'Neal, this global icon, threads the needle for a fadeaway jumper off the pick and roll!
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan takes the charge back to the basket! Gutsy play!
Barack Obama threads the needle! Precision of their bullhorn through the neighborhood!
Stephen Curry, this world-class player, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a step-back three!
Halftime. Michael Jordan's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Did you know? Michael Jordan tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Barack Obama pulls up and drills a tear drop! Can't teach that!
A crowd fully behind them as Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, is introduced! Goosebumps!
Shaquille O'Neal dribbles the rock into the right hands! This certified GOAT candidate quarterback!
Barack Obama, this certified GOAT candidate, has been building to this all game! With seconds left on the clock!
This headliner Stephen Curry secures the win with that dawg mentality! Another one in the bag!
Michael Jordan makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Stephen Curry makes a bigger heart. John Cena makes a massive heart. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
118-94 (W)
Michael Jordan opens with a hook shot! This all-time great making an early statement!
A euro-step from Shaquille O'Neal! Another dagger! This guy with rings on every finger closing the door!
John Cena with the huge monster swat from downtown! This once-in-a-lifetime player says no!
This certified GOAT candidate Barack Obama with the wraparound pass! How did that get through!
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, exploits the mismatch at the buzzer! Smart play!
Halftime! Stephen Curry has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Little secret: Stephen Curry listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, uses every inch to deliver a buzzer beater!
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, basks in a hostile crowd! This is home!
Barack Obama makes the extra pass! This once-in-a-lifetime player hockey assist for a floater!
The legend of Stephen Curry grows! This bonafide star adding another chapter off the pick and roll!
Barack Obama finishes what they started! Finishing the Wilson like finishing the neighborhood!
Shaquille O'Neal and Stephen Curry fake a wrestling match. Michael Jordan plays the referee and calls a timeout. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
96-94 (W)
Tip-off! Stephen Curry gets us started! Let's go!
Barack Obama reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
Michael Jordan misfires at the buzzer! Even this first-ballot legend has off nights!
This basketball god Barack Obama with a beautiful layup driving to the hoop! Poetry in motion!
Stephen Curry spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Barack Obama to massage his thighs. Anecdote: Barack Obama fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Shaquille O'Neal penetrates with the game on the line! A double-clutch layup! He lives for this!
Barack Obama with the strip! Snatched the Spalding clean, that's a community organizer with quick hands!
The arena is electric! This all-time great John Cena thriving in a packed arena!
Shaquille O'Neal delivers in the clutch! A floater at half court! This living legend is ice cold!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Stephen Curry gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. John Cena gives his shoes. Shaquille O'Neal gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
98-95 (W)
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan opens the scoring! A layup! Early advantage!
Shaquille O'Neal, this colossus, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a ball recovery!
Michael Jordan, this tree of a man, gets the look in the paint but the lid's on the rim!
What a play by John Cena! A hook shot facing the rim! This hall-of-fame lock is cooking!
John Cena uses their size out there! The executive producer has a built-in advantage!
Players head to the locker room. John Cena has tape on three fingers. Anecdote: John Cena tried to impress the Denver Horse-Track players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Shaquille O'Neal, this oversized freak, with the clutch deep three! The building erupts!
Shaquille O'Neal times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A perfect contest from mid-range!
The DJ plays John Cena's walkout music! Sounds like their production slate in rhythm!
Stephen Curry tips in the rebound for a buzzer beater! All hustle, all heart!
Michael Jordan hugs the coach! This absolute legend with a complete performance!
Shaquille O'Neal pretends to plant a flag at center court. Stephen Curry stands at attention. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Stephen Curry. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
104-106 (L)
John Cena looks dialed in from the start! Iron discipline preparation showing!
Michael Jordan, this generational talent, sinks a floater with surgical precision in transition!
Shaquille O'Neal turns the head and loses the man! This hall-of-fame lock napping defensively!
Michael Jordan explodes and fires but misses everything! Lack of consistency tonight!
Michael Jordan explodes and scores! The comeback is on! This first-ballot legend believing!
Halftime. John Cena wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Exclusive: John Cena was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
This living legend John Cena dribbles out the clock! Lack of consistency costing precious seconds!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan fouls hard out of frustration! Injury-prone body showing!
John Cena has found another gear! This potential GOAT shifting into overdrive!
John Cena, this tweener, gets blocked in the clutch! A drawn charge denies this once-in-a-lifetime player!
Shaquille O'Neal walks off in silence. This guy with rings on every finger gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Barack Obama sits on the bench, staring into nothing. John Cena has his head in his hands. I learned backstage that John Cena also does community organizer on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
117-105 (W)
This household name Michael Jordan in the starting lineup! Let's see what this household name brings!
This household name John Cena capitalizes from mid-range! An and-one with iron discipline!
Barack Obama forces the turnover! Pressuring like rallying the neighborhood under deadline!
Stephen Curry quarter-backs the possession! Assist for a free throw! What a pass!
Stephen Curry reads the defense perfectly! Iron discipline and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Break. John Cena's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. The staff told me John Cena sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Break's over, the players take their positions.
John Cena applies the same technique to the rock as to the next blockbuster. A buzzer beater on the low block!
Camera pans to John Cena's executive producer colleagues in the stands! Executive producer solidarity!
John Cena, this guy with rings on every finger, rotates on defense! Unreal swagger team commitment!
This game belongs to Stephen Curry! This world-class player stamping authority from the left corner!
John Cena, this potential GOAT, soaks in the moment! Victory at half court! A chest bump!
Stephen Curry blows a kiss to the camera. Michael Jordan blows twelve. Barack Obama blocks the lens. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
87-106 (L)
Barack Obama gets the starting nod! A community organizer starting with their bullhorn confidence!
This generational talent Barack Obama throws up a prayer in transition! Not answered!
John Cena gets the ball stripped! The next blockbuster would have stayed in an executive producer's grip!
This franchise guy Stephen Curry fouls reaching in! Hot head on defense!
John Cena rises up off the pick and roll with the same confidence they bring to greenlighting the next blockbuster.
End of the second quarter. Barack Obama is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Anecdote: Barack Obama once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Barack Obama pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The community organizer in them is showing!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, gets the separation but can't finish! Tendency to rush!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Stephen Curry launches but the legs won't cooperate! Hot head catching up!
Stephen Curry sits alone on the bench. This top-tier talent processing the defeat.
Stephen Curry lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Michael Jordan decides not to comment. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
101-104 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal, this mammoth, announced to huge cheers! Immense pressure!
Stephen Curry dribbles and scores! A two-handed slam! This do-it-all player is a problem!
Michael Jordan, this mountain of a man, fouls unnecessarily from the right corner! Heavy feet!
John Cena drives the orange into nothing! Tendency to force bad shots on full display tonight!
This potential GOAT Shaquille O'Neal ignites the rally! The deficit is shrinking!
Rest. John Cena buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Little secret: John Cena has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
This living legend Michael Jordan can't deliver when it matters! Occasional mental lapses under pressure!
John Cena takes off the towel! This hall-of-fame lock showing lack of consistency!
Barack Obama's transformation from community organizer to athlete is this crucial matchup's best story!
Shaquille O'Neal, this basketball god, commits the late turnover! Limited stamina with the ball!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, trudges off the field house. Lessons to take from this one.
John Cena scratches the back of his neck nervously. Barack Obama has the look of someone who has seen things. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
88-129 (L)
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal comes out aggressive! Opens with a pull-up jumper from mid-range!
Barack Obama launches a fadeaway jumper and... Airball! Injury-prone body at its peak!
This established star Stephen Curry loses concentration and the orange with it!
John Cena scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Sometimes predictable game!
Shaquille O'Neal, this once-in-a-lifetime player, yells at the coaching staff! Defense that's basically a suggestion causing friction!
Halftime. Stephen Curry is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. True story: Stephen Curry walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest. Awkward. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
This headliner Stephen Curry with a rare miss along the baseline! Even the best stumble!
Barack Obama, this combo guard, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
John Cena forces the pass! Forcing their production slate where it doesn't fit!
John Cena glares at the rock! Like it personally betrayed this executive producer!
Stephen Curry penetrates to the tunnel in disappointment. This big-name player will learn from this.
John Cena isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Michael Jordan tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
The greats ends the season #7 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. Ladies and gentlemen... The greats!
Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Shaquille O'Neal on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 216 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Barack Obama. The man. Is. A community organizer. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A community organizer. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their bullhorn and apparently, the technical motion of a community organizer and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
The budget? It's "here, take my credit card and go nuts." The owner is a damn billionaire who wants a championship ring the way other people want a yacht. Every position is doubled up, every role player is a former All-Star, and the bench is so deep that the twelfth man on this team would start for half the league. It's an armada, a war machine, and everyone in this building knows that if these guys don't win the title, it's a goddamn scandal.
The greats ends the season #7 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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