The goats — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | The goats | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. Ladies and gentlemen... The goats! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Shaquille O'Neal. Standing at 216 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Tiger Woods. The man is an animal trainer. A freaking animal trainer. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with their training clicker and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. The budget here is absolutely insane, we're talking stratosphere money. This is Warriors and Suns territory. These guys are so loaded they've triggered the Second Apron: the league literally forbids them from signing free agents or combining salaries in trades. They have zero flexibility, handcuffed by their own damn wealth. It's "championship or crash and burn," no in-between.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
101-96 (W)
And we're underway! Stephen Curry touches the orange first! This big-name player looks eager!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, takes over at the buzzer. A buzzer beater! That's elite!
Shaquille O'Neal with the huge defensive rebound driving to the hoop! This household name says no!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal connects on the pick-and-roll! Assist for a half-court heave!
Tiger Woods crosses over into the right spacing! Night-in night-out consistency and elite court awareness!
Halftime whistle! Stephen Curry slides down against the hallway wall. Little secret: Stephen Curry watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Tiger Woods crosses over the orange into a double-clutch layup! Insane court vision shining through!
A Playoff atmosphere fills the arena! This potential GOAT LeBron James feeds off the energy!
Tiger Woods runs the play to perfection! Perfection of training the wild animal!
Albert Einstein becomes the symbol of this marquee showdown, an inventor defying all the odds!
Tiger Woods blows past in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Albert Einstein and Stephen Curry play rock-paper-scissors to decide who carries the ball. Albert Einstein loses. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
110-87 (W)
Tiger Woods announces themselves! The animal trainer has arrived and the building knows it!
Albert Einstein with an incredible catch-and-shoot triple facing the rim! Standing ovation!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, contests everything from the left corner! A gym-rat work ethic on full display!
This all-time great LeBron James leads the fast break and dishes! Easy bucket off the assist!
LeBron James, this 7-footer, exploits the mismatch in transition! Smart play!
Halftime! Stephen Curry walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Did you know Stephen Curry knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Miami Heart-Attack's colors. By accident, obviously. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
A bucket by Shaquille O'Neal! The crowd erupts! Insane court vision personified!
Albert Einstein dunks and the noise is deafening! A hostile crowd! Wow!
This basketball god LeBron James celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
This global icon Albert Einstein channels the inner champion! Insane court vision at its peak!
That's the game! LeBron James finishes with a monster performance! This franchise cornerstone victorious!
Albert Einstein does the robot at center court while LeBron James pretends to be an airplane. The crowd loves it. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
96-95 (W)
LeBron James penetrates with energy from the opening whistle! This franchise cornerstone locked in!
Shaquille O'Neal, this big fella, with the clutch ball recovery! The crowd is on its feet!
This big-name player Stephen Curry misfires again! Shaky emotions under pressure could cost the team!
Albert Einstein with a finger roll on the break! Running like they're late for work!
Tiger Woods fires away with purpose every possession! This potential GOAT chess master!
Players head to the locker room. Shaquille O'Neal has tape on three fingers. Small detail: Shaquille O'Neal whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Stephen Curry fires away and drills it! At the jump ball! An off-the-charts basketball IQ under pressure!
Albert Einstein with the defensive rebound! Secured like only an inventor can!
The halftime tribute to Albert Einstein's inventor journey! The status quo to a sky hook!
Stephen Curry, this guy everybody knows, orchestrates the last possession! A buzzer beater! Perfection!
This global icon LeBron James led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Shaquille O'Neal does a cartwheel at center court. LeBron James tries one too and eats it. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
107-89 (W)
Tiger Woods, this swiss-army-knife type, announced to huge cheers! A cathedral silence!
Shaquille O'Neal answers back with a half-court heave! Nerves of steel under pressure!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal holds ground from downtown! Immovable object!
Albert Einstein with the no-look pass! Revolutionizing the status quo blindfolded!
Tiger Woods overloads one side! Loading up with animal trainer strategy!
The players head in. LeBron James slips on the wet tunnel floor. Intel: LeBron James asked Philadelphia Injury-Report for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
A free throw by Albert Einstein! The building is rocking! This hall-of-fame lock takeover!
The arena is electric! This global icon Tiger Woods thriving in a Playoff atmosphere!
Shaquille O'Neal, this first-ballot legend, rotates on defense! Nerves of steel team commitment!
LeBron James has found another gear! This hall-of-fame lock shifting into overdrive!
This reliable star Stephen Curry walks off to a standing ovation! A Playoff atmosphere! Incredible!
Shaquille O'Neal and Tiger Woods slap each other's butts. Stephen Curry declines the invitation. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
107-88 (W)
Tiger Woods checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Tiger Woods scores at will! A tear drop at half court! This hall-of-fame lock domination!
Stephen Curry draws the offensive foul! Smart play, great positioning!
LeBron James, this once-in-a-lifetime player, sets the table from way beyond the arc! Assist master!
Shaquille O'Neal slows the pace when the team needs it! This absolute legend tempo control!
End of the second quarter. Shaquille O'Neal is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Intel: Shaquille O'Neal once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, dominates off the pick and roll and puts up a hook shot! Unstoppable!
Shaquille O'Neal, this towering presence, gets the standing ovation! A packed arena!
Albert Einstein sacrifices for the team! Selfless play from this inventor!
The legend of LeBron James grows! This once-in-a-lifetime player adding another chapter back to the basket!
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Shaquille O'Neal dumps his Gatorade on Tiger Woods who screams because it was cold. LeBron James piles on. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
114-107 (W)
This household name Shaquille O'Neal comes out aggressive! Opens with an alley-oop at the buzzer!
A euro-step from LeBron James! Another dagger! This living legend closing the door!
Stephen Curry slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Freakish explosiveness in every step!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal creates for others! Unselfish play with silky smooth technique!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Halftime whistle. LeBron James spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Anecdote: LeBron James once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Shaquille O'Neal blows past the basketball with pure God-given talent. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
You can feel a boiling cauldron through the screen! LeBron James in the spotlight!
LeBron James celebrates the team's success! This first-ballot legend knows together is better!
This game belongs to Stephen Curry! This certified bucket stamping authority from downtown!
Tiger Woods embraces teammates! The bond of training the wild animal together!
Shaquille O'Neal does the floss while LeBron James spins like a top. Tiger Woods just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
106-93 (W)
Albert Einstein takes the court to a roaring arena! The inventor with their prototype sketch is here!
Albert Einstein, this first-ballot legend, reads the play perfectly and delivers a buzzer-beater!
Tiger Woods locks down the elbow! Fortified with their training clicker!
Albert Einstein, this solid build, finds the rolling big man! A sky hook off the assist!
LeBron James, this oversized freak, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! A gym-rat work ethic!
Heading in. Stephen Curry's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Locker room intel: Stephen Curry has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
A euro-step from Stephen Curry! That's nerves of steel at the highest level!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry brings a packed arena to a new level! Incredible scene!
Tiger Woods sets the perfect screen! Built like an animal trainer who doesn't skip leg day!
Shaquille O'Neal, this absolute legend, has the intangibles! Unreal swagger beyond the stats!
LeBron James hugs the coach! This potential GOAT with a complete performance!
Albert Einstein and LeBron James swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
108-104 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
LeBron James a ball recovery with authority! This tower protecting the paint!
Shaquille O'Neal rushes a catch-and-shoot triple off the pick and roll! Injury-prone body creeping in!
Albert Einstein punishes the defense! An inventor punishing the status quo with precision!
This world-class player Stephen Curry adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
Rest. Albert Einstein buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Intel: Albert Einstein asked Minnesota Ice-Wall for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
This absolute legend Tiger Woods steals it in the third quarter! Turns defense into points!
Tiger Woods strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
Tiger Woods throws the headband to the crowd! Better than throwing the wild animal!
Tiger Woods spins past the defender! A two-handed slam in the clutch! Incredible!
Shaquille O'Neal, this mammoth, celebrates the win! A hug with the coach! What a game!
Tiger Woods cries tears of joy in LeBron James's arms. Shaquille O'Neal is also crying but nobody knows why. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
103-97 (W)
Tiger Woods, this undisputed superstar, embraces the palpable tension! Game on!
Albert Einstein pulls off a step-back three out of nowhere! Was that basketball or inventor magic? Unbelievable!
Shaquille O'Neal blocks it and keeps it in play! Heads-up play, what awareness!
Shaquille O'Neal with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! Nerves of steel on that one!
Shaquille O'Neal sets the screen at the perfect angle! This living legend cerebral play!
Both teams head to the locker room. Albert Einstein wipes his forehead with his jersey. Little secret: Albert Einstein listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Shaquille O'Neal hits a tear drop! An unmatched feel for the game proving to be the difference tonight!
Standing room only! A roaring arena as Shaquille O'Neal takes over from the right corner!
This established star Stephen Curry claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this established star!
The transformation of Shaquille O'Neal is complete! This living legend has arrived!
Albert Einstein, this do-it-all player, takes the final bow! A slide across the hardwood! Dominant display!
Tiger Woods grabs the PA announcer's mic and shouts Albert Einstein's name. The announcer chases him. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Tiger Woods's name. Forgive me. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
101-94 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal, this 7-footer, sets the tone immediately! Next-level basketball IQ from the jump!
LeBron James, this global icon, drops a pull-up jumper from downtown! Pure artistry!
Stephen Curry picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
Stephen Curry with the alley-oop pass! This all-around player throws it up, teammate throws it down!
This potential GOAT LeBron James calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
The players file out. Tiger Woods exchanges a tense look with the coach. True story: Tiger Woods walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Denver Horse-Track. Awkward. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Albert Einstein blows past under the basket with the same confidence they bring to revolutionizing the status quo.
Deafening noise! Stephen Curry lets fly and the building shakes!
Albert Einstein takes the charge for the team! Heart of an inventor, sacrifice of a warrior!
Shaquille O'Neal, this walking skyscraper, carries the weight of the team on those shoulders!
This potential GOAT Shaquille O'Neal thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
LeBron James blows a kiss to the camera. Stephen Curry blows twelve. Shaquille O'Neal blocks the lens. I got a text from LeBron James after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
107-99 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal, this towering presence, takes the court! The wild stands is electric!
Tiger Woods with the step-back step-back three! Creating space like an animal trainer with their training clicker!
This world-class player Stephen Curry disrupts the play with a timely monster swat!
Stephen Curry with the touch pass! This top-tier talent barely had the rock and found the man!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry adjusts the angle mid-drive! That dawg mentality body control!
Halftime. Shaquille O'Neal throws his towel on the floor walking in. Did you know Shaquille O'Neal plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
This global icon LeBron James punishes the defense with a bank shot from downtown!
The arena trembles! LeBron James with the play and immense pressure follows!
LeBron James makes the extra pass! This basketball god hockey assist for an off-balance shot!
Albert Einstein's inventor colleagues watch from the stands, the status quo banners held high!
Shaquille O'Neal daps up the opponent! Respect from this basketball god after the battle!
LeBron James and Tiger Woods carry Stephen Curry like a trophy across the entire court. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
91-111 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal shoots onto the floor! The crowd roars for this generational talent!
LeBron James forces a bad reverse layup! This potential GOAT needs to trust teammates!
Tiger Woods with the backcourt violation! This absolute legend under too much pressure!
Stephen Curry gets screened out of the play! This certified bucket lost in traffic!
LeBron James, this walking skyscraper, uses every inch to deliver a bank shot!
Both teams head to the locker room. Shaquille O'Neal wipes his forehead with his jersey. Juicy intel: Shaquille O'Neal turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Tiger Woods, this tweener, waves off the play call! Sometimes predictable game hurting the team!
Tiger Woods misses! Even an animal trainer can't fix that shot!
Tiger Woods, this versatile guy, sets a brick-wall screen! Unreal swagger on full display!
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Shaquille O'Neal walks off in silence. This franchise cornerstone gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Shaquille O'Neal refuses the coach's embrace. Tiger Woods accepts it but his body is stiff. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
95-108 (L)
Stephen Curry, this world-class player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Albert Einstein clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their prototype sketch hitting the status quo!
This first-ballot legend Shaquille O'Neal with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Albert Einstein left in the dust! Even an inventor moves faster than that!
Stephen Curry with the crafty off-balance shot! Natural-born leadership on display!
Halftime. LeBron James's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Confession: LeBron James tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Shaquille O'Neal slams the ball in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!
Albert Einstein, this household name, sends the pill wide! The touch is off tonight!
Stephen Curry blows past the ball out of the trap! Freakish explosiveness under pressure!
Tiger Woods labors up the court! Trudging like an animal trainer dragging the wild animal!
Shaquille O'Neal, this global icon, takes the loss hard. Tendency to rush at the wrong moments.
Albert Einstein and Shaquille O'Neal share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
114-97 (W)
Game time! Albert Einstein and this global icon ready to put on a show at the den!
Albert Einstein attacks along the baseline and finishes with a two-handed slam! Too good!
LeBron James, this tree of a man, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by nerves of steel!
Shaquille O'Neal, this generational talent, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a floater!
Albert Einstein, this do-it-all player, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Cut! Halftime. Albert Einstein's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Rumor has it Albert Einstein tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
This once-in-a-lifetime player Shaquille O'Neal capitalizes at the buzzer! A thunderous slam with natural-born leadership!
Shaquille O'Neal, this 7-footer, commands a hostile crowd! The arena belongs to this undisputed superstar!
Tiger Woods does the dirty work! Hands dirty like an animal trainer at the end of the day!
This household name LeBron James turns adversity into fuel! A sequence that will go viral energy!
Shaquille O'Neal, this franchise cornerstone, embraces the teammates! A bench mob celebration! Sweet victory!
Tiger Woods and Albert Einstein share a 30-second hug. Stephen Curry wants in. Gets pushed away. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
91-105 (L)
Tiger Woods, this hall-of-fame lock, draws first blood! A bucket to start!
Brick! Shaquille O'Neal misfires from mid-range! Sometimes predictable game at the worst time!
LeBron James loses the basketball in traffic! This franchise cornerstone can't afford that!
Shaquille O'Neal loses the screen battle! Injury-prone body around the picks!
A pull-up jumper from LeBron James! This global icon just keeps delivering!
Break! Albert Einstein takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Physio's confession: Albert Einstein purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Albert Einstein shakes their head! An inventor who can't believe that just happened!
Stephen Curry fires away the Spalding into the front rim! That's frustrating for this All-Star caliber talent!
This established star Stephen Curry recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Shaquille O'Neal grabs the shorts! This certified GOAT candidate is running on fumes!
LeBron James fires away past the media. This guy with rings on every finger not in the mood to talk.
Stephen Curry collapses into the first available chair. Tiger Woods stays standing, eyes glazed over. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
The goats ends the season #5 with a 12W-3L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. Ladies and gentlemen... The goats!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Shaquille O'Neal. Standing at 216 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Tiger Woods. The man is an animal trainer. A freaking animal trainer. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with their training clicker and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered.
The budget here is absolutely insane, we're talking stratosphere money. This is Warriors and Suns territory. These guys are so loaded they've triggered the Second Apron: the league literally forbids them from signing free agents or combining salaries in trades. They have zero flexibility, handcuffed by their own damn wealth. It's "championship or crash and burn," no in-between.
The goats ends the season #5 with a 12W-3L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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