My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇸🇬
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Michael Jordan on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 198 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Nic Naitanui. The man is an australian rules football player. Yes, you heard that right. An australian rules football player. On a basketball court. With sherrin ball in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Nic Naitanui had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
82-115 (L)
Muggsy Bogues, this small but mighty player, sets the tone immediately! Eyes in the back of the head from the jump!
Brick! Magic Johnson misfires at the buzzer! Tendency to rush at the worst time!
Larry Bird loses the basketball in traffic! This headliner can't afford that!
Nic Naitanui gets posterized! An australian rules football player framed by the sherrin ball in the worst way!
Michael Jordan, this colossus, shows negative body language! Heavy feet creeping in!
Coach calls everyone back. Larry Bird drags his feet toward the tunnel. Intel: Larry Bird once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
This newcomer Nic Naitanui shanks a step-back three facing the rim! That's uncharacteristic!
Muggsy Bogues bends over during the dead ball! This next-level player gathering what's left!
Michael Jordan with the errant pass! This living legend needs to settle down!
This elite player Larry Bird shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Magic Johnson walks off in silence. This undisputed superstar gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Magic Johnson kicks his towel across the floor. Michael Jordan has already left for the locker room, alone. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
106-111 (L)
This guy with rings on every finger Magic Johnson comes out aggressive! Opens with a bucket from the left corner!
This reliable star Larry Bird punishes the defense with a floater back to the basket!
Magic Johnson reacts too late to rotate! Limited stamina on the help side!
Michael Jordan, this beanpole, loses the handle and the opportunity! Sometimes predictable game!
Muggsy Bogues, this established player, with the gutsy play! Clawing back one possession at a time!
Halftime! Nic Naitanui is limping slightly heading off the court. Fun fact: Nic Naitanui got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Muggsy Bogues dishes but can't score in the first quarter! Opportunity lost!
Larry Bird, this towering presence, waves off the play call! Defense that's basically a suggestion hurting the team!
Magic Johnson, this colossus, carries the weight of the team on those shoulders!
Magic Johnson can't handle the pressure! This all-time great folds in the dying seconds!
Nic Naitanui sits alone on the bench. This diamond in the rough processing the defeat.
Michael Jordan rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Nic Naitanui picks up his own and folds it carefully. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
122-90 (W)
Larry Bird, this jersey-selling name, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Nic Naitanui scores at will! A finger roll at the top of the key! This surprise package domination!
Magic Johnson, this big fella, hits the cutter perfectly! A killer instinct right on time!
Larry Bird with another buzzer beater! You can't stop this man!
Nic Naitanui with the chase-down monster swat! Running like an australian rules football player chasing the open oval!
Halftime. The doctor examines Michael Jordan's shoulder while the others catch their breath. I've been told Michael Jordan always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Nic Naitanui turns beyond the arc into a workshop. A scoop layup crafted with the sherrin ball!
This legit talent Muggsy Bogues puts the exclamation point! A buzzer beater from mid-range!
Larry Bird trips over the basketball! Even this big-name player has those moments!
This respected competitor Muggsy Bogues rallies the crowd! A salute to the fans driving to the hoop! Deafening!
Final buzzer! Nic Naitanui is the hero! This dark horse with a game for the ages!
Magic Johnson and Nic Naitanui freestyle a victory rap. Michael Jordan does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
103-91 (W)
Tip-off! Magic Johnson gets us started! Let's go!
Michael Jordan, this tree of a man, elevates for a monster floater!
Michael Jordan, this household name, switches seamlessly and locks up! Iron discipline shining through!
Muggsy Bogues reads the defense like a book! Assist on the low block! Ridiculous creativity!
Muggsy Bogues, this established player, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for an off-balance shot!
Heading in. Nic Naitanui's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. True story: Nic Naitanui walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Philadelphia Injury-Report. Awkward. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Magic Johnson pulls up and drills a deep three! Can't teach that!
A Playoff atmosphere spikes every time Nic Naitanui touches the orange! The australian rules football player effect!
Nic Naitanui dives for the loose ball! Full send from this australian rules football player!
Larry Bird, this world-class player, has been building to this all game! On a strategic timeout!
This jersey-selling name Larry Bird wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Nic Naitanui pretends to faint from happiness. Larry Bird pretends to call 911. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
101-91 (W)
Magic Johnson takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
This player on the come-up Muggsy Bogues with a beautiful half-court heave from mid-range! Poetry in motion!
Magic Johnson, this living legend, walls up from the left corner! Impenetrable defense!
Magic Johnson with the alley-oop pass! This absolute unit throws it up, teammate throws it down!
Muggsy Bogues, this well-respected player, orchestrates the delay game! Unreal swagger in action!
End of the first half. Larry Bird is beet red but still standing. Rumor has it Larry Bird does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Michael Jordan, this hall-of-fame lock, with the exclamation-point buzzer beater! Game changer!
Magic Johnson, this living legend, waves the crowd up! A packed arena rising!
Michael Jordan finds the open teammate! This global icon making everyone better!
What a journey for Magic Johnson! From the bench to the spotlight! You love to see it!
Michael Jordan can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Nic Naitanui gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Magic Johnson gives his shoes. Michael Jordan gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
125-99 (W)
This well-respected player Muggsy Bogues opens the scoring! A double-clutch layup! Early advantage!
What a play by Magic Johnson! A devastating dunk from the right corner! This potential GOAT is cooking!
Magic Johnson with the huge defensive rebound from the left corner! This first-ballot legend says no!
Michael Jordan with the hockey assist! That extra pass, beautiful basketball!
This total unknown Nic Naitanui calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Both teams head in. Nic Naitanui has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Little scoop: Nic Naitanui collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
A bank shot from Muggsy Bogues on the low block! That's a certified bucket-getter!
This certified bucket Larry Bird draws the MVP chants! The crowd is on their feet for the star!
Magic Johnson brings energy off the bench! This generational talent infectious enthusiasm!
Muggsy Bogues, this small but mighty player, sets the tone with silky smooth technique! Leader!
This certified bucket Larry Bird walks off to a standing ovation! Wild stands! Incredible!
Larry Bird and Magic Johnson share a 30-second hug. Michael Jordan wants in. Gets pushed away. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
92-124 (L)
Larry Bird, this colossus, takes the court! The incredible energy is electric!
Michael Jordan rushes a catch-and-shoot triple in transition! Heavy feet creeping in!
This All-Star caliber talent Larry Bird forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Nic Naitanui, this do-it-all player, lets the shooter get free from downtown! Costly lapse!
Michael Jordan, this hall-of-fame lock, operates on the low block with a floater! Clinic!
Halftime! Nic Naitanui walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Intel: Nic Naitanui asked Toronto Border-Patrol for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Nic Naitanui, this combo guard, pounds the scorer's table! Hot head on full display!
This world-class player Larry Bird rattles it out! So close yet so far facing the rim!
Muggsy Bogues fades away with purpose every possession! This dude putting the league on notice chess master!
Michael Jordan lets fly a step slower than usual! Heavy feet in the tank!
Muggsy Bogues spins to the tunnel in disappointment. This player on the come-up will learn from this.
Nic Naitanui snaps at the bench on his way out. Michael Jordan says nothing, but his look says everything. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
98-123 (L)
Game time! Michael Jordan and this undisputed superstar ready to put on a show at the den!
Michael Jordan with a wild attempt! This guy with rings on every finger not finding the range tonight!
Larry Bird with the lazy pass! Limited stamina leading to easy points!
Nic Naitanui gets blown by! Even an australian rules football player couldn't stop that!
Michael Jordan with the tough devastating dunk through contact! This guy with rings on every finger won't be denied!
End of the second quarter. Larry Bird is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Did you know Larry Bird once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
This respected competitor Muggsy Bogues slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Nic Naitanui misses during crunch time! An australian rules football player dropping the open oval at the worst time!
This bonafide star Larry Bird recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Nic Naitanui needs oxygen! More winded than an australian rules football player after overtime!
Larry Bird, this multi-time All-Star, takes the loss hard. Heavy feet at the wrong moments.
Larry Bird isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Michael Jordan tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
93-130 (L)
This first-ballot legend Magic Johnson in the starting lineup! Let's see what this first-ballot legend brings!
Larry Bird misfires from the right corner! This jersey-selling name searching for answers!
Muggsy Bogues attacks the Spalding right to the defense! Costly mistake by this guy with a proven track record!
Nic Naitanui watches them score! Just watching, like watching the sherrin ball gather dust!
Nic Naitanui drives the towel! This dude out of nowhere showing shaky emotions under pressure!
Halftime whistle! Nic Naitanui slides down against the hallway wall. Fun fact: Nic Naitanui blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
A tear drop from Nic Naitanui goes in and out! Heartbreaking at the top of the key!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Magic Johnson can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Magic Johnson coughs up the Spalding! Hot head strikes again off the pick and roll!
Nic Naitanui mouths off at with seconds left on the clock! An australian rules football player venting about the open oval!
Michael Jordan had the chances but couldn't convert. This household name left wanting.
Nic Naitanui refuses Houston Blast-Off's handshake. Magic Johnson offers a limp one with just his fingertips. Evening confession: I'm wearing Nic Naitanui's jersey under my shirt. For morale. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
104-87 (W)
Michael Jordan, this once-in-a-lifetime player, embraces the sold-out gym on fire! Game on!
Michael Jordan goes coast to coast for a devastating dunk! This potential GOAT is relentless!
This guy with rings on every finger Magic Johnson with the weak-side left-handed block! Incredible help!
Nic Naitanui with the wraparound pass! Smooth hands from all that australian rules football player work!
Nic Naitanui outsmarts the opponent! The brains of an australian rules football player with the sherrin ball!
Halftime. Larry Bird glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Anecdote: Larry Bird threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Magic Johnson answers back with a finger roll! Silky smooth technique under pressure!
Michael Jordan, this giant, gets the standing ovation! A sold-out gym on fire!
Larry Bird sprints back on defense! This big-name player leading by example!
Magic Johnson blows past with conviction! This generational talent believes tonight is the night!
Muggsy Bogues, this pocket rocket, acknowledges the fans! A crowd fully behind them! A hug with the coach!
Nic Naitanui runs the full court high-fiving everyone. Muggsy Bogues follows doing the wave alone. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
100-108 (L)
This solid pro Muggsy Bogues catches the pill early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Muggsy Bogues, this little thunder, gets the separation but can't finish! Tendency to force bad shots!
Nic Naitanui, this solid build, commits the travel! Heavy feet in the footwork!
This undisputed superstar Magic Johnson can't recover! Scored on at half court! Limited stamina!
Larry Bird, this beanpole, with a silky finger roll from the right corner! Smooth operator!
Break. Muggsy Bogues asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Did you know? Muggsy Bogues once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Michael Jordan picks up the second technical! This hall-of-fame lock ejected! Tendency to force bad shots!
Muggsy Bogues launches a catch-and-shoot triple and... Airball! Heavy feet at its peak!
Magic Johnson reads the defense perfectly! Natural-born leadership and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Michael Jordan, this mountain of a man, with tired legs from the right corner! Lack of consistency slowing this living legend down!
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this franchise cornerstone.
Michael Jordan's lip is trembling. Magic Johnson dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
120-92 (W)
Magic Johnson, this walking skyscraper, announced to huge cheers! An incredible energy!
Larry Bird explodes the orange with night-in night-out consistency. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Muggsy Bogues slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Freakish explosiveness in every step!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan zips the pass through! Another dime from this mountain of a man!
Nic Naitanui identifies the soft spot in the zone! This unknown gem surgical precision!
The players disappear. Larry Bird has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Anecdote: Larry Bird tried to impress the Cleveland Twin-Towers players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Larry Bird penetrates the rock beautifully for a floater! What touch!
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan turns the hostile crowd into stunned silence!
Michael Jordan, this guy with rings on every finger, communicates the switch! An unmatched feel for the game and vocal leadership!
This respected competitor Muggsy Bogues plays every possession like the last! An unmatched feel for the game burning bright!
Larry Bird spins to the crowd! A slide across the hardwood! This top-tier talent gave everything!
Nic Naitanui grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Larry Bird applauds. Evening confession: I'm wearing Nic Naitanui's jersey under my shirt. For morale. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
91-113 (L)
Nic Naitanui announces themselves! The australian rules football player has arrived and the building knows it!
Michael Jordan fires a thunderous slam facing the rim but can't connect! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
Muggsy Bogues spins into a trap! Occasional mental lapses when reading the defense!
Nic Naitanui scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Hot head!
Michael Jordan, this household name, drops a catch-and-shoot triple back to the basket! Pure artistry!
Break. Muggsy Bogues collapses next to the vending machine. Fun fact: Muggsy Bogues tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Larry Bird fades away and kicks the stanchion! This headliner losing composure!
This newcomer Nic Naitanui misses the mark! A double-clutch layup goes begging off the pick and roll!
This certified bucket Larry Bird runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Michael Jordan, this tree of a man, laboring up and down! Sometimes predictable game draining the energy!
Muggsy Bogues, this pocket rocket, hangs the head. Tough loss despite insane court vision effort.
Michael Jordan lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Muggsy Bogues decides not to comment. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
91-109 (L)
Nic Naitanui bounces the Spalding pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Michael Jordan shoots but the shot rims out! Ego the size of Texas rears its ugly head!
This total unknown Nic Naitanui commits the offensive foul! Turnover in transition!
This top-tier talent Larry Bird misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Michael Jordan with the smooth free throw! This hall-of-fame lock making it look easy!
End of the first half. Muggsy Bogues is beet red but still standing. Confession: Muggsy Bogues calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
This absolute legend Magic Johnson hangs the head after the miss! Deflated in transition!
Muggsy Bogues pulls up but overcooks it! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing up again!
Magic Johnson slows the pace when the team needs it! This household name tempo control!
Larry Bird short-arms the shot from fatigue! This multi-time All-Star has nothing left!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan leaves the arena with head held high. Fought to the end.
Magic Johnson lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Michael Jordan decides not to comment. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
99-124 (L)
Nic Naitanui locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of an australian rules football player who means business!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan short-arms a layup from the left corner! Not enough lift!
Michael Jordan throws it away! Defense that's basically a suggestion under pressure along the baseline!
This legit talent Muggsy Bogues commits the and-one foul! Sometimes predictable game in positioning!
Nic Naitanui dunks and scores! Those australian rules football player hands work wonders with the rock!
Off to the locker room. Muggsy Bogues has already drained two water bottles. The staff told me Muggsy Bogues sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
This total unknown Nic Naitanui gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Michael Jordan with the off-balance bank shot! This generational talent couldn't set the feet!
Michael Jordan dunks into the right spacing! An unmatched feel for the game and elite court awareness!
This established star Larry Bird has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Michael Jordan reflects on what could have been. Ego the size of Texas the difference tonight.
Magic Johnson walks toward the tunnel without a word. Muggsy Bogues stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
My Team finishes #11 (6W-9L). Better luck next season! MVP: Michael Jordan.
Season journal
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!