My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇵🇭
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Zach Edey on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 224 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-131 (L)
Tip-off! Josh Hart gets us started! Let's go!
Tracy McGrady forces up a double-clutch layup over the defense! Shaky emotions under pressure! Bad decision!
Josh Hart throws it into the stands! What was that from this player on the come-up!
Bol Bol reacts too late to rotate! Hot head on the help side!
Bol Bol mouths off and picks up a T! Limited stamina taking over!
Break! Josh Hart grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know Josh Hart started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Dylan Harper misfires from the left corner! This newcomer searching for answers!
This name that's buzzing Bol Bol has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
This name that's buzzing Bol Bol with turnover number points! Shaky emotions under pressure is piling up!
Dylan Harper storms to the bench! This total unknown is visibly upset!
Bol Bol reflects on what could have been. Tendency to force bad shots the difference tonight.
Josh Hart's gaze is cold, distant. Tracy McGrady's gaze is hot, angry. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
128-96 (W)
Tracy McGrady, this league veteran, draws first blood! An alley-oop to start!
Dylan Harper goes coast to coast for a step-back three! This hidden prospect is relentless!
Josh Hart with the help-side brilliant anticipation! This name that's buzzing always in position!
Bol Bol with the transition assist! This up-and-coming baller pushing the pace with pure God-given talent!
This legit talent Bol Bol switches defensive assignments on the fly! Next-level basketball IQ!
First half is done. Bol Bol is chugging Gatorade like it's water. The staff told me Bol Bol sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
This newcomer Dylan Harper is automatic along the baseline! A free throw drops again!
You can feel a hostile crowd through the screen! Josh Hart in the spotlight!
Dylan Harper attacks the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
Zach Edey dribbles like a player possessed! Silky smooth technique unleashed!
Zach Edey, this next-level player, with the post-game interview smile! An off-the-charts basketball IQ all night!
Bol Bol blows a kiss to the camera. Dylan Harper blows twelve. Tracy McGrady blocks the lens. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
91-101 (L)
This seasoned vet Zach Edey comes out aggressive! Opens with a fadeaway jumper from the left corner!
This well-respected player Zach Edey with a rare miss from downtown! Even the best stumble!
This hungry young player Dylan Harper with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
This surprise package Dylan Harper gives up the offensive rebound! Injury-prone body when boxing out!
Tracy McGrady knocks down a fadeaway jumper driving to the hoop! Ice in the veins!
Break. Tracy McGrady asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. They say Tracy McGrady eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Bol Bol goes to work and kicks the stanchion! This name that's buzzing losing composure!
This up-and-coming baller Josh Hart misses the mark! A pull-up jumper goes begging from the left corner!
Zach Edey reads the defense perfectly! A gym-rat work ethic and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Zach Edey is gassed! This up-and-coming baller bent over at half court! Shaky emotions under pressure catching up!
Josh Hart had the chances but couldn't convert. This league veteran left wanting.
Dylan Harper clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Tracy McGrady fidgets with his wristband nervously. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
115-94 (W)
Tracy McGrady steps back onto the floor! The crowd roars for this dude putting the league on notice!
This guy with a proven track record Zach Edey does it again! A bucket with effortless precision!
This solid pro Josh Hart with the weak-side rebound in traffic! Incredible help!
Dylan Harper, this beanpole, runs the offense with next-level basketball IQ! Beautiful passing!
Tracy McGrady spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
End of the second quarter. Dylan Harper is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Little secret: Dylan Harper listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Zach Edey, this league veteran, drops a half-court heave facing the rim! Pure artistry!
Zach Edey, this tree of a man, gets the standing ovation! A crowd fully behind them!
Dylan Harper puts ego aside! The team comes first for this raw talent!
Bol Bol, this dude putting the league on notice, answers every challenge! That dawg mentality never fading!
Zach Edey, this big fella, takes the final bow! A hug with the coach! Dominant display!
Zach Edey cries tears of joy in Bol Bol's arms. Tracy McGrady is also crying but nobody knows why. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
121-94 (W)
Bol Bol, this little guy, takes the court! The standing ovation is electric!
Bol Bol, this compact dynamo, uses every inch to deliver a floater!
Tracy McGrady, this giant, contests everything in the paint! Pure God-given talent on full display!
Zach Edey with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! That dawg mentality on that one!
Tracy McGrady, this player making noise, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Halftime! Tracy McGrady looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Did you know Tracy McGrady keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Josh Hart, this player making noise, knifes through for a buzzer beater from mid-range! Wow!
Deafening noise! Dylan Harper dribbles and the building shakes!
This dude putting the league on notice Tracy McGrady unites the locker room! Silky smooth technique captain's mentality!
Tracy McGrady, this absolute unit, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this player on the come-up right now!
Josh Hart, this legit talent, embraces the teammates! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Sweet victory!
Josh Hart pretends to faint from happiness. Zach Edey pretends to call 911. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
117-99 (W)
Tracy McGrady, this 7-footer, sets the tone immediately! Natural-born leadership from the jump!
Josh Hart pulls up the ball with purpose! A deep three! This next-level player means business!
Dylan Harper digs in defensively! Nerves of steel when the team needs stops!
This dude putting the league on notice Bol Bol creates for others! Unselfish play with a killer instinct!
Bol Bol, this small but mighty player, exploits the mismatch at the buzzer! Smart play!
Halftime! Josh Hart walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Did you know Josh Hart started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Zach Edey dribbles and fires a tear drop! This tree of a man lighting it up!
Josh Hart, this mountain of a man, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Zach Edey sacrifices the body taking the charge! This next-level player ultimate teammate!
Bol Bol, this short king, embodies the spirit of competition! What a show!
Josh Hart pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This player making noise savors the win!
Bol Bol jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
118-87 (W)
This league veteran Tracy McGrady in the starting lineup! Let's see what this league veteran brings!
Zach Edey explodes the Spalding with flair and hits a layup! Sensational!
Bol Bol with the no-look pass! This hooper's hooper has eyes in the back of the head!
This up-and-coming baller Tracy McGrady with a vintage sky hook! The old magic is still there!
Tracy McGrady, this player making noise, shuts down the play in the paint! Lockdown defender!
Halftime! Dylan Harper is limping slightly heading off the court. Confession: Dylan Harper calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Tracy McGrady with the tough layup through contact! This up-and-coming baller won't be denied!
Zach Edey piles it on! A bucket extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
Bol Bol asks the scorer's table for the score! This established player forgot!
Bol Bol throws the finger guns at the crowd! A salute to the fans after a thunderous slam!
Bol Bol fades away into the tunnel with the W! This respected competitor all smiles!
Zach Edey and Bol Bol pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
112-98 (W)
Bol Bol looks dialed in from the start! A killer instinct preparation showing!
Josh Hart dishes and scores! A deep three! This 7-footer is a problem!
Josh Hart with the chase-down ball recovery! What athleticism!
This legit talent Bol Bol finds the open man! Assist and a bank shot!
Zach Edey crosses over the ball out of the trap! Eyes in the back of the head under pressure!
Halftime. Zach Edey is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Zach Edey logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Bol Bol answers back with a deep three! Next-level basketball IQ under pressure!
This potential breakout star Dylan Harper turns the hostile crowd into stunned silence!
Josh Hart, this mammoth, boxes out for the teammate! This next-level player doing the dirty work!
Josh Hart dunks into the record books! This solid pro making memories!
Zach Edey, this titan, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Bol Bol does a belly slide on the court. Josh Hart does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
106-117 (L)
Josh Hart takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Zach Edey with a rough hook shot at the top of the key! Lack of consistency at the worst time!
This dude putting the league on notice Bol Bol commits the 5-second violation! Clock management injury-prone body!
Tracy McGrady gambles for the steal and pays the price! Lack of consistency!
Bol Bol with iron discipline finds the angle for a floater!
Halftime whistle! Dylan Harper grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Intel: Dylan Harper once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Tracy McGrady slams the Wilson in frustration! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
A deep three attempt by Josh Hart falls short! Lack of consistency in the legs!
This next-level player Tracy McGrady attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
This surprise package Dylan Harper is a warrior but the body says no! The 48 regulation minutes of war!
Josh Hart sits alone on the bench. This legit talent processing the defeat.
Josh Hart clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Bol Bol fidgets with his wristband nervously. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
118-94 (W)
Zach Edey, this hooper's hooper, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Zach Edey catches fire! And it's a buzzer beater! Nerves of steel taking over!
Josh Hart, this tree of a man, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by night-in night-out consistency!
This seasoned vet Josh Hart with the wraparound pass! How did that get through!
Tracy McGrady, this well-respected player, orchestrates the delay game! Nerves of steel in action!
Halftime! Josh Hart walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Intel: Josh Hart asked Denver Horse-Track for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Josh Hart, this tree of a man, rises above and hammers an alley-oop!
Josh Hart explodes and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
Dylan Harper, this absolute unit, sets the perfect screen! Eyes in the back of the head for the team!
This seasoned vet Josh Hart channels the inner champion! Next-level basketball IQ at its peak!
That's the game! Zach Edey finishes with a monster performance! This up-and-coming baller victorious!
Dylan Harper hugs the mascot. Tracy McGrady hugs the referee. Awkward. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
99-103 (L)
This unknown gem Dylan Harper opens the scoring! A free throw! Early advantage!
Dylan Harper with an incredible thunderous slam from downtown! Standing ovation!
Josh Hart turns the head and loses the man! This player on the come-up napping defensively!
Josh Hart, this long boy, gets stuffed trying a fadeaway jumper! Denied!
Josh Hart, this 7-footer, refuses to die! A reverse layup keeps the dream alive!
Well-deserved break. Bol Bol looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Little scoop: Bol Bol tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Zach Edey, this giant, forces a bad shot in the extra period! Tendency to force bad shots!
This guy with a proven track record Tracy McGrady can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Zach Edey, this up-and-coming baller, has been building to this all game! At the last second!
Josh Hart, this solid pro, misses the potential game-winner! Limited stamina!
This established player Tracy McGrady stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this established player wanted.
Bol Bol walks head down toward the tunnel. Tracy McGrady drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
97-115 (L)
And we're underway! Dylan Harper touches the basketball first! This hidden prospect looks eager!
Zach Edey forces a buzzer beater at the top of the key! This seasoned vet trying too hard!
Bol Bol with the lazy pass! Tendency to force bad shots leading to easy points!
Zach Edey, this oversized freak, gets exploited in the switch! Lack of consistency exposed in the mismatch!
This unknown gem Dylan Harper finishes with authority! A layup off the pick and roll!
Finally a breather. Tracy McGrady has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. I've been told Tracy McGrady always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Bol Bol dribbles the towel! This respected competitor showing limited stamina!
Josh Hart with the off-balance thunderous slam! This respected competitor couldn't set the feet!
This league veteran Tracy McGrady runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Josh Hart takes off but the legs won't cooperate! Hot head catching up!
Dylan Harper penetrates to the tunnel in disappointment. This guy nobody was talking about will learn from this.
Bol Bol's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Josh Hart breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
84-114 (L)
This guy with a proven track record Josh Hart catches the Spalding early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Tracy McGrady forces a bad scoop layup! This player on the come-up needs to trust teammates!
Zach Edey fires away the damn ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this well-respected player!
Zach Edey overcommits and gets beat! Hot head when reading the play!
Dylan Harper glares at the scoreboard! This surprise package not happy with the situation!
Halftime whistle! Tracy McGrady grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Anecdote of the day: Tracy McGrady forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Bol Bol, this low-to-the-ground speedster, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this seasoned vet!
Tracy McGrady, this tree of a man, with tired legs from the right corner! Hot head slowing this next-level player down!
This up-and-coming baller Zach Edey gets pickpocketed at the buzzer! Sloppy handling!
Bol Bol, this guy with a proven track record, refuses to high-five! Heavy feet hurting the chemistry!
Bol Bol, this lightning-quick little man, trudges off the temple of basketball. Lessons to take from this one.
Dylan Harper walks head down toward the tunnel. Zach Edey drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
100-120 (L)
Josh Hart, this colossus, announced to huge cheers! An incredible energy!
A euro-step from Josh Hart hits the iron! Limited stamina under the spotlight!
Dylan Harper, this 7-footer, gets stripped at the top of the key! Injury-prone body exposed!
Bol Bol gets burned on the drive! Occasional mental lapses in lateral movement!
This hooper's hooper Zach Edey with a beautiful tear drop off the pick and roll! Poetry in motion!
Well-deserved break. Zach Edey looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Anecdote of the day: Zach Edey forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Zach Edey, this solid pro, barks at the teammate! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
Tracy McGrady fires a buzzer beater off the pick and roll but can't connect! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
This up-and-coming baller Tracy McGrady recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Josh Hart misses from fatigue! This up-and-coming baller can't get the elevation from the left corner!
This surprise package Dylan Harper congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this surprise package.
Zach Edey punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Bol Bol slides down the wall to the floor. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
101-113 (L)
Zach Edey takes off with energy from the opening whistle! This established player locked in!
This established player Josh Hart whiffs on an off-balance shot! The crowd groans!
Tracy McGrady with a wild pass that sails out! This player on the come-up giving it away!
Zach Edey loses the screen battle! Defense that's basically a suggestion around the picks!
Josh Hart scores at will! A reverse layup facing the rim! This established player domination!
Time to breathe. Dylan Harper has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. I've been told Dylan Harper always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Zach Edey, this respected competitor, with the frustrated foul! Ego the size of Texas in tough moments!
Bol Bol, this player making noise, fumbles the finish at the top of the key! Back to the drawing board!
Josh Hart, this legit talent, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a layup!
This solid pro Josh Hart calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Lack of consistency taking its toll!
Zach Edey, this legit talent, takes the loss hard. Limited stamina at the wrong moments.
Bol Bol is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Josh Hart waits at the tunnel entrance. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Zach Edey.
Season journal
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