My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇳🇿
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Denver Horse-Track | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Houston Blast-Off | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | My Team | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Isaiah Stewart. Standing at 206 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Batman. The man is a superhero. Yes, you heard that right. A superhero. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Batman had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. Budget-wise, they're playing by the rules. Barely. It's clean, but it's tight. You've got one modest star, two or three decent role players, and after that... It's a black hole on the bench. They're trying to build smart without going broke, but every time a player asks for a raise, they start sweating. This is the definition of a "middle of the pack" squad.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
102-114 (L)
Batman lands the first tear drop! First blood! The superhero strikes first!
Superman whiffs on the jumper! A superhero off their game with their bare hands!
Drake with the backcourt violation! This global icon under too much pressure!
Batman loses the screen battle! Lack of consistency around the picks!
Batman, this swiss-army-knife type, showcases insane court vision with a gorgeous devastating dunk!
Back to the locker room. Isaiah Stewart punches his locker. Quick anecdote about Isaiah Stewart: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Drake walks away muttering! Muttering about the film character under their breath!
Batman, this smooth operator, gets the separation but can't finish! Sometimes predictable game!
Superman adapts to the coverage! Adaptive as a superhero with the game!
Superman is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure superhero stubbornness!
Batman hangs their head! A superhero who gave everything they had!
Batman takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Cameron Thomas doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
91-117 (L)
Drake steps onto the venue! From portraying the film character to this, game time!
Batman, this player nobody saw coming, comes up empty! A bank shot off target in transition!
Superman with the errant pass! This living legend needs to settle down!
Isaiah Stewart gambles for the steal and pays the price! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
This living legend Superman with a picture-perfect reverse layup! The crowd goes wild!
The players leave the court. Isaiah Stewart clings to the tunnel railing. Small detail: Isaiah Stewart wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. We're back! The players look fired up.
Drake, this swiss-army-knife type, waves off the play call! Shaky emotions under pressure hurting the team!
This total unknown Isaiah Stewart with a rare miss under the basket! Even the best stumble!
Batman finds the angle! The angle superhero uses for the game!
Batman, this combo guard, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
This hidden prospect Batman tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Batman collapses into the first available chair. Cameron Thomas stays standing, eyes glazed over. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
113-105 (W)
Batman, this who-is-this-guy player, draws first blood! An off-balance shot to start!
Batman knocks down a bucket facing the rim! Ice in the veins!
Isaiah Stewart, this dude out of nowhere, switches seamlessly and locks up! Pure God-given talent shining through!
Batman directs the offense! Directing traffic with superhero command!
Isaiah Stewart pushes the pace in transition! An unmatched feel for the game showing in every play!
Back to the locker room. Cameron Thomas's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Locker room anecdote: Cameron Thomas talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
This total unknown Cameron Thomas goes to work at half court! A double-clutch layup drops beautifully!
This total unknown Cameron Thomas acknowledges the fans! A sold-out gym on fire of mutual respect!
Superman barks out defensive calls! The voice of their bare hands echoes across the gym!
Isaiah Stewart has found another gear! This dude out of nowhere shifting into overdrive!
Cameron Thomas can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Batman jumps into Isaiah Stewart's arms without warning. They both go down. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
118-88 (W)
Cameron Thomas, this oversized freak, is introduced and the arena explodes! This hidden prospect is in the building!
A half-court heave by Isaiah Stewart! The crowd erupts! An unmatched feel for the game personified!
Drake swats it away! A left-handed block with that movie actor strength!
This who-is-this-guy player Cameron Thomas with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Superman reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this superhero!
Halftime whistle. Superman flops into the first available chair. Anecdote: Superman once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Isaiah Stewart dishes the Spalding with scary good handles. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
The road crowd tries to rally but Superman silences them! Wild stands!
Batman goes to work the Wilson into the right hands! This raw talent quarterback!
The narrative shifts! Batman takes control with a gym-rat work ethic!
Batman embraces teammates! The bond of competing the game together!
Cameron Thomas mimes popping a champagne bottle. Drake mimes chugging straight from it. I learned tonight that Cameron Thomas used to be a superhero. That explains the unique running style. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
111-88 (W)
Drake, this swiss-army-knife type, announced to huge cheers! A standing ovation!
Superman with an incredible buzzer-beater at the buzzer! Standing ovation!
Cameron Thomas with the huge ball recovery back to the basket! This newcomer says no!
Cameron Thomas with the touch pass! This guy nobody was talking about barely had the leather and found the man!
Superman schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true superhero!
Halftime whistle. Cameron Thomas spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Anecdote: Cameron Thomas lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Drake hits nothing but net! Pure as a movie actor's work with the script binder!
Batman gets the loudest cheer! Louder than a superhero's proudest moment!
Isaiah Stewart sacrifices the body taking the charge! This player nobody saw coming ultimate teammate!
This who-is-this-guy player Cameron Thomas silences the noise! Silky smooth technique locked in! Nothing else matters!
Superman high-fives the crowd! Those superhero hands spreading joy!
Superman dumps his Gatorade on Isaiah Stewart who screams because it was cold. Drake piles on. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
81-124 (L)
The game begins and Superman is ready! You can see freakish explosiveness written all over his face!
Batman misses! Even a superhero can't fix that shot!
Drake loses the damn ball! A movie actor would never be this careless!
Isaiah Stewart gets burned on the drive! Hot head in lateral movement!
Batman sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a superhero after a long shift!
The locker room. Isaiah Stewart sprawls out full-length on the bench. Little secret: Isaiah Stewart watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Cameron Thomas with the contested pull-up jumper from the left corner! No good! Bad selection!
Isaiah Stewart is running on pure willpower! This diamond in the rough refusing to quit!
Batman with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost superhero!
Batman stares in disbelief! The look of a superhero who just lost everything!
Cameron Thomas, this surprise package, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Isaiah Stewart refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Drake watches it and immediately regrets it. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
94-104 (L)
Batman announces themselves! The superhero has arrived and the building knows it!
Isaiah Stewart rushes a pull-up jumper at the buzzer! Sometimes predictable game creeping in!
Drake blows past into a dead end facing the rim! Turnover! Injury-prone body!
Batman, this all-around player, can't keep up with the speed! Limited stamina exposed!
What a play by Superman! A scoop layup back to the basket! This absolute legend is cooking!
Break! Batman has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Rumor has it Batman does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. We're back! The players look fired up.
Batman mouths off at late in the quarter! A superhero venting about the game!
Superman skips it off the rim! The game has better hop than that!
Batman directs traffic on the hardwood! Traffic control by a superhero with the game!
Drake looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a movie actor relieved of the script binder!
Drake consoles teammates! The heart of a movie actor in that moment!
Batman claps his hands in frustration. Cameron Thomas clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
104-107 (L)
Batman sets the tone early! The superhero came to play tonight!
A finger roll from Superman! This generational talent just keeps delivering!
This diamond in the rough Batman can't recover! Scored on from way beyond the arc! Sometimes predictable game!
Superman fades away the leather awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this certified GOAT candidate!
Batman digs deep for the comeback! Deep as a superhero digs into their best work!
Break! Cameron Thomas has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Anecdote: Cameron Thomas lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Superman airballs the potential winner! Competing the game is easier than this!
Cameron Thomas slams the orange in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
This surprise package Cameron Thomas channels the inner champion! A gym-rat work ethic at its peak!
Cameron Thomas dunks and slips! Turnover in the final quarter! Ego the size of Texas!
Superman shakes hands through the pain! A superhero who respects their bare hands and the game!
Batman walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Cameron Thomas speeds up. Wants it to be over. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
108-106 (W)
This rising star Batman means business! Fast start back to the basket!
Drake times it perfectly and rejects the shot! An iron-wall defense under the basket!
Batman rises up but overcooks it! Ego the size of Texas showing up again!
Cameron Thomas with another and-one! You can't stop this man!
Batman adjusts the tempo! Controlling the rhythm like a veteran superhero!
End of the second quarter. Cameron Thomas is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Exclusive info: Cameron Thomas is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Superman delivers in the clutch! An alley-oop off the pick and roll! This household name is ice cold!
Cameron Thomas plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this potential breakout star!
The PA announcer can't pronounce Superman's their bare hands! Comedy at the palace of hoops!
Cameron Thomas with the clutch rebound! This surprise package fighting for every ball!
Superman hugs the coach! The warmth of a superhero who just nailed it!
Superman and Isaiah Stewart freestyle a victory rap. Drake does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
93-117 (L)
Batman gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a superhero on day one!
Isaiah Stewart takes a tough floater and it doesn't go! Hot head in shot selection!
Superman botches the handoff! Even their bare hands exchanges go smoother!
This rising star Isaiah Stewart gives up the offensive rebound! Tendency to force bad shots when boxing out!
A tear drop from Drake! That's nerves of steel at the highest level!
Halftime whistle. Isaiah Stewart has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Fun fact: Isaiah Stewart is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
This player nobody saw coming Isaiah Stewart slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
This diamond in the rough Isaiah Stewart short-arms a half-court heave from mid-range! Not enough lift!
This potential breakout star Batman calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Batman can barely run! This ball game harder than this ball game of competing the game!
This diamond in the rough Batman stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this diamond in the rough wanted.
Batman walks head down toward the tunnel. Cameron Thomas drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
92-102 (L)
Superman, this all-around player, sets the tone immediately! An unmatched feel for the game from the jump!
Superman bricks it! Not the same accuracy as competing the game!
This hidden prospect Cameron Thomas loses concentration and the Spalding with it!
Isaiah Stewart, this long boy, gets exploited in the switch! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed in the mismatch!
Superman knocks it down! Solid as a superhero with their bare hands in hand!
Into the tunnel. Superman grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Anecdote: Superman once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Drake slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a movie actor hits the workbench!
Cameron Thomas steps back the ball into nothing! Ego the size of Texas on full display tonight!
Cameron Thomas shoots into the right spacing! Nerves of steel and elite court awareness!
Batman, this player nobody saw coming, is dragging! The contest minutes taking their toll!
Superman takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad superhero day!
Superman hurls his water bottle at the wall. Batman flinches but doesn't react. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
104-105 (L)
Drake starts in the power forward! Playing the power forward the way a movie actor plays with the script binder!
Batman pulls up and scores! A tear drop! This combo guard is a problem!
Cameron Thomas reacts too late to rotate! Shaky emotions under pressure on the help side!
Drake misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
This unknown gem Cameron Thomas with back-to-back buckets! The lead is crumbling!
The locker room fills up. Batman has already eaten three oranges. Confession: Batman tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Superman, this generational talent, air-balls in the second quarter! The crowd is stunned!
Batman storms to the bench! This dark horse is visibly upset!
This hidden prospect Cameron Thomas is the heartbeat of this team! A play that goes down in history leadership!
Cameron Thomas, this unknown gem, misses the potential game-winner! Tendency to force bad shots!
Cameron Thomas walks off in silence. This hungry young player gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Isaiah Stewart rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Superman picks up his own and folds it carefully. Did you know that Superman practices superhero on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
98-118 (L)
Cameron Thomas fires up the crowd to open the game! This hungry young player starting strong!
A catch-and-shoot triple from Superman hits the iron! Hot head under the spotlight!
Isaiah Stewart crosses over the Spalding right to the defense! Costly mistake by this player nobody saw coming!
Isaiah Stewart gets screened out of the play! This surprise package lost in traffic!
Cameron Thomas, this giant, takes over at the buzzer. A finger roll! That's elite!
Break. Drake collapses next to the vending machine. Intel: Drake refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Drake posts up the towel! This global icon showing tendency to rush!
Drake lets fly but the shot rims out! Sometimes predictable game rears its ugly head!
Batman zones up! Defensive zone like a superhero's the game zone!
Batman bends over during the dead ball! This dark horse gathering what's left!
Batman sits alone on the bench. This potential breakout star processing the defeat.
Batman's gaze is cold, distant. Drake's gaze is hot, angry. I learned that Batman's father was a superhero. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
89-123 (L)
Cameron Thomas takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
This newcomer Cameron Thomas shanks a sky hook from downtown! That's uncharacteristic!
Drake double-dribbles! Portraying the film character doesn't have that rule!
Batman beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the game slipping from a superhero!
Batman throws their hands up! Like a superhero when their bare hands breaks!
That's a wrap for now. Cameron Thomas dives into the tunnel. Did you know Cameron Thomas plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Batman misfires at half court! Their bare hands calibration needed!
Superman tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a superhero's energy for the game!
Superman throws it away! A pass worse than a superhero tossing the game!
Cameron Thomas, this unknown gem, with the frustrated foul! Heavy feet in tough moments!
Batman, this swiss-army-knife type, trudges off the gym. Lessons to take from this one.
Batman's lip is trembling. Cameron Thomas dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
97-119 (L)
This living legend Drake opens the scoring! A reverse layup! Early advantage!
Air ball from Superman! Being a superhero doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
This franchise cornerstone Drake commits the offensive foul! Turnover from downtown!
Batman loses their assignment! Like losing their bare hands in the workshop!
This potential breakout star Isaiah Stewart with a vintage step-back three! The old magic is still there!
Halftime whistle! Isaiah Stewart slides down against the hallway wall. Anecdote: Isaiah Stewart lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Batman picks up the second technical! This potential breakout star ejected! Occasional mental lapses!
A bucket attempt by Batman falls short! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the legs!
Drake executes a drive-and-kick game perfectly! Precision learned as a movie actor!
Superman drags their feet! Heavy as their bare hands at the end of a shift!
Isaiah Stewart fades away to the tunnel in disappointment. This hidden prospect will learn from this.
Cameron Thomas refuses Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest's handshake. Isaiah Stewart offers a limp one with just his fingertips. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
My Team finishes #13 (4W-11L). Better luck next season! MVP: Isaiah Stewart.
Season journal
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