Mon équipe NFL idéale — american_football_team 🇫🇷

Journée 1 — vs Kansas City Burnt-Ends

25-44 (D)

He was beaten by a full step and it did not matter. Cam Skattebo recovers, finds the ball late, and rakes it out at the catch point. DeVonta Smith folded that pocket like a lawn chair, and the opposing quarterback never saw the ceiling coming down. Our rush gets a hand up and misses by six inches. It is good anyway. Three for Kansas City Burnt-Ends, and the block unit walks off shaking their heads.

Chemistry! You do not install that on a Wednesday, you build it over a thousand reps, and Dwayne Johnson and Kenneth Walker III have clearly put in the hours. Their best edge rusher, one on one, no chip, no help, and Kenneth Walker III rides him three yards past the quarterback. That matchup has been settled since the first quarter. That ball dropped in like a key sliding into a lock, and Kenneth Walker III was standing in the end zone before this crowd got its hands up. The hold spun a half turn late, Larry Allen adjusted, and the adjustment is what killed it. Ball dies right of the upright.

Six men form a rowing crew in the end zone, Kenneth Walker III at the stroke seat, and they pull hard in perfect rhythm across the goal line. Trey McBride is the coxswain and he is screaming a cadence nobody can hear. It is the most coordinated thing this offense has done all season.

Second and 14. Walter Payton with the tackle for loss, and that play call goes straight in the garbage. That is the third field goal of the day for Kansas City Burnt-Ends. All those red zone stops, and we are still staring at nine points from a kicker.

Walter Payton passes off the stunt cleanly, the pocket holds its shape, and the football goes out on time. Walter Payton gets the football out in 1.6 seconds. Their pass rush might as well have stayed in the tunnel for that one. Larry Allen tries to force it into a closing window on third and long and the underneath defender never left his zone. Sometimes the punt is the better football play.

Back-shoulder, and Trent Williams smells it coming. He plants, opens the hips, and knocks it away in the corner of the end zone. Dexter Lawrence was one body too many, and the umpire had him tagged before the football ever moved. Kansas City Burnt-Ends goes deep on third and long and our safety arrives about a half second late. Fifty-two yards, and you can hear the concourse from here.

Into the locker room. Penei Sewell drops onto a folding chair and lets the shoulder pads hang. Not many people know this: Penei Sewell auditioned for a televised singing competition before football. The tape exists somewhere. And now, our halftime TV game show Parking Lot Wipeout! To win a season parking pass for a lot that was paved over in 2004, text BLITZ to 555-0417 and answer this question: 'How many parking spaces are in a lot where every space is somehow already taken?' Second half! The stadium is on its feet and the coverage unit is bouncing.

TIMEOUT, TIMEOUT! Dwayne Johnson gets both arms up with one second on the play clock and this sideline just aged a decade! Most defenders in that spot at least get a hand on a jersey. Dwayne Johnson never let him get close enough to reach for one. That is a five-yard cushion on a 55-yarder. Dwayne Johnson did not just make it, he had another division of distance in the tank.

The team has one final bit saved for exactly this: Dwayne Johnson and Penei Sewell shake hands in absurd slow motion, hold it, then the entire offense collapses to the turf around them in a choreographed heap. Eleven men down, two standing. The referee holds the ball and waits for the dead to rise. They take their time about it, and the stadium does not stop screaming once.

Run the tape back on the substitution: Dwayne Johnson steps in, the call changes, and nobody waves him back. That is the whole penalty in one clip. Field position, then penalties, then the score. Kansas City Burnt-Ends has taken this game away from us one small mistake at a time.

The corner has position, the corner gets a hand on it, and Kenneth Walker III takes it off him anyway. Dwayne Johnson is going to keep throwing there all night. Clean pocket, seven step drop, no help underneath. Kenneth Walker III beats the jam at the line and separates late down the numbers. Fifty-plus in the air. You can see Dwayne Johnson on his knees at the goal line with his helmet down. That one yard is going to sit in his chest for a while.

BOTH BENCHES ARE EMPTY! Bodies pouring onto the field around midfield, and Kenneth Walker III is dead center in the pile. The chains kept moving and nothing we tried slowed it down. Fourteen plays, seven minutes off the clock, and Kansas City Burnt-Ends finishes the drive with six.

Fourth and 4, they go to their number one, and Penei Sewell says absolutely not. Ball on the ground, ball back to us. He had one job on that snap and he did it in full -- Larry Allen chases the opposing quarterback down from behind and buries him a yard deep. TWO POINTS!

Larry Allen mimes an enormous phone call from behind the goalpost, pointing at the ball, nodding seriously, holding up one finger to ask the crowd for quiet. Nobody quiets. He says a few words into his hand and hangs up. Dexter Lawrence takes the imaginary phone next and gets flagged for a call that lasted too long.

Pure technique breakdown: Trent Williams never got his head around, and in this league that is a guaranteed thirty-yard donation. Second time in three drives. Kansas City Burnt-Ends punches it in from the two and our front seven is standing there with hands on knees.

Four-man rush, nobody blitzed. Trent Williams wins a one-on-one in under two and a half seconds, and that is how you wreck a game plan. Trent Williams jogs backwards asking the official what exactly he was supposed to do out there. The referee already has the microphone down. Ohhh, that one hurts. Kansas City Burnt-Ends runs the same counter they have run all afternoon, the backside end crashes again, and it is a touchdown.

Second and long just got worse. Trent Williams with the sack, seven yards back, and the chains are a memory. Freeze it at the stem -- Trent Williams does not bite on the double move, keeps his eyes on the hip, and turns to run before the receiver does. Clean snap, laces out, and the kick is pure. Kansas City Burnt-Ends is on the board, and there is nothing to complain about there -- that was textbook.

Trent Williams is furious, the sideline is furious, and the officiating crew has no interest whatsoever in the defender's version of events. Motion, snap, handoff -- Trent Williams is basically a turnstile on this play, and it only works because the defense has to honor everything else he does. HOW did he get that off?! Dwayne Johnson hangs in a collapsing pocket with a rusher in his facemask, turns it loose at the last tick, and Trey McBride hauls it in for six! Two-point attempt: Penei Sewell in from the two. It is good.

The team has one final bit saved for exactly this: Trey McBride and Larry Allen shake hands in absurd slow motion, hold it, then the entire offense collapses to the turf around them in a choreographed heap. Eleven men down, two standing. The referee holds the ball and waits for the dead to rise. They take their time about it, and the stadium does not stop screaming once.

Everybody in this stadium knew it was coming. It came anyway, and Kenneth Walker III won the wrestling match. MERCY! Kenneth Walker III just made a professional tackler look like a man stepping onto ice!

Dwayne Johnson is the last man off the field. DeVonta Smith is the last man out of the locker room. Two different kinds of last. And here is the answer to our game Parking Lot Wipeout! Sue Ellen Rickenbacker of Gravel Lot, Kansas, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many parking spaces are in a lot where every space is somehow already taken?' The answer was of course four hundred, and three hundred and ninety-nine of them belong to the same truck. Sue Ellen takes home a season parking pass for a lot that was paved over in 2004! The replay monitor froze in the second quarter and stayed frozen. I have been describing one still image with tremendous confidence. Thanks for watching with us. Coming up: 'Cake Boss: A Birthday Cake for Someone Whose Name Nobody Can Spell.'

Journée 2 — vs Miami Champagne-Corks

22-12 (V)

Fifty-one yards and it is good with room to spare. Miami Champagne-Corks takes the lead back, and their kicker just woke that whole sideline up.

One tick left on the play clock. Dwayne Johnson calls it, the officials grant it, and the offense finally gets to breathe. Third and 8 with 1:12 showing, Dwayne Johnson hits the out route and the receiver steps out at the 41. Clock stopped, timeouts intact. Fourth and 6 at the 15, field goal unit on, Kenneth Walker III converts from 33. Three points.

Kenneth Walker III mimes an enormous phone call from behind the goalpost, pointing at the ball, nodding seriously, holding up one finger to ask the crowd for quiet. Nobody quiets. He says a few words into his hand and hangs up. DeVonta Smith takes the imaginary phone next and gets flagged for a call that lasted too long.

Perfect ball placement from Dwayne Johnson -- away from the body, out of reach of the corner -- and Larry Allen does the footwork they drill every Wednesday. Duo concept, double team on the nose, and the backside linebacker gets washed all the way out. Larry Allen runs into a hole that three of his teammates built for him. Trey McBride jogs on, kicks it through, jogs off. If you blinked you missed the whole thing, and that is exactly the idea.

Larry Allen spikes the ball so hard it comes off the turf and clears the crossbar behind him. He watches it go, arms out, genuinely surprised at himself. DeVonta Smith sprints past and dives headfirst into the end zone paint for no reason at all. The stadium is a wall of noise before anybody remembers there is an extra point to kick.

BLOWN UP IN THE BACKFIELD! DeVonta Smith shoots the A-gap and drops him four yards behind the line of scrimmage! Third and 8, empty backfield, and DeVonta Smith takes him down before the route concept ever develops. Punt team. A false start backs them up five yards and it does not matter one bit. Good from forty-two, and Miami Champagne-Corks stretches the lead.

GONE around the edge! Trey McBride feeds Kenneth Walker III in stride and there is nothing but open sideline waiting! Ninety seconds locked on a sideline monitor, and Kenneth Walker III has aged about a year for every one of them. The ruling on the field is overturned. Play awarded to Kenneth Walker III. First down. They keep feeding Kenneth Walker III between the tackles, and those linebackers are already a half step slower than they were in the first quarter.

Halftime break. An assistant hands Dwayne Johnson a tablet with every snap of the first half loaded up. Halftime: two hundred high schoolers in wool uniforms in this weather. Respect where it is owed. And now, our halftime TV game show Double Dare Blitz! To win a defensive playbook with only one page and that page says GO, text BLITZ to 555-0049 and answer this question: 'How many defenders can blitz before it legally becomes a parade?' Out of the tunnel at a dead sprint. Somebody in there got the point across.

Look at the break -- Kenneth Walker III drops his weight at fifteen and comes out of it dead flat, and Dwayne Johnson already has the football in the air before his man turns his head. OVER THE MIDDLE AND STILL STANDING! Larry Allen takes the safety's best shot at the far hash, and Kenneth Walker III put that throw in the only window that exists! Larry Allen stems inside, snaps it back out, and the ball is ALREADY there. Twelve yards, and he catches it with both feet in the end zone. Hold is upright, the spot never moves an inch, and Trent Williams hits it flush. Nothing about that operation was rushed.

Six men form a rowing crew in the end zone, Larry Allen at the stroke seat, and they pull hard in perfect rhythm across the goal line. Dwayne Johnson is the coxswain and he is screaming a cadence nobody can hear. It is the most coordinated thing this offense has done all season.

Loss of four. Dexter Lawrence makes the stop, the chains do not move, and their sideline is already talking about field goal range. We held them out of the end zone and it still costs us. Three for Miami Champagne-Corks, because the scoreboard does not hand out credit for good defense.

Erased. C. J. Stroud has travelled with their number one all afternoon and that man has not seen a football since the coin toss. There is nowhere left to go when the wall is already at your back, and Penei Sewell just took away the last two yards they had.

One step over the goal line and Penei Sewell drops into the dance whole internet already knows, hands low, feet blurring. Six teammates arrive and join it in a ragged line. The offensive line is two full beats behind and does not care. Seventy thousand people are doing it in the seats and none of them are doing it well.

Three-step drop, hitch route, and Walter Payton was sitting on it the whole quarter. He has been baiting that throw since the opening series. There is the CREASE! Walter Payton bounces off the seal and gets all the way to the numbers before the safety can close! Walter Payton treats a 31-yarder the way you treat a light switch. Flip it, walk off, three points.

PITCH and GO! Penei Sewell gets outside the last man and he is running down the sideline with an escort! That is the down that keeps a game alive, and Penei Sewell did not blink at fourth and inches from his own forty-two. Watch the spot: Penei Sewell gets his shoulders past the pile and the wing official marks the football, not the body. That inch is everything. The highlight shows will lead with that tonight, and Penei Sewell treated it like a routine part of the carry.

The pulling guard never found him. C. J. Stroud shot the crease, met the ball carrier in the hole, and drove him back into his own backfield. It is up, and it is through. Three more for Miami Champagne-Corks, and a two-possession game feels a whole lot different than a one-possession game.

They have one timeout left and Penei Sewell is forcing them to spend it. Nothing outside the numbers, nothing near the boundary, nothing that stops that clock. First and ten, sweep to the field side, Penei Sewell picks up twelve before stepping out. Yards and clock, both in their favor.

Dexter Lawrence kisses the midfield logo. C. J. Stroud kisses Dexter Lawrence. Kenneth Walker III keeps walking. And here is the answer to our game Double Dare Blitz! Dixie Ann Hollowell of Blitz Creek, Louisiana, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many defenders can blitz before it legally becomes a parade?' The answer was of course seven, and at eight you are required to notify the city. Dixie Ann takes home a defensive playbook with only one page and that page says GO! Behind the scenes, I was told C. J. Stroud works as a volunteer firefighter in the offseason. That would explain the hands. Good night out there. Stay tuned for 'Chopped: Whatever Is Left in the Break Room Fridge.'

Journée 3 — vs Cleveland Blank-Helmets

37-24 (V)

Beautiful key read. Walter Payton sees the guard pull, runs the mesh point down, and meets the back before the handoff is even clean. Third and fourteen killed the drive, and the kicker finishes what the offense could not. Cleveland Blank-Helmets adds three and this becomes a chess match.

The guard pulls, and there it is -- Walter Payton runs the width of the backfield and kicks the edge defender all the way into the numbers. Sweep to the left, Penei Sewell for eleven, out of bounds at the thirty-eight. Credit the design here: two receivers crack the safeties, Dwayne Johnson throws it on rhythm, and Penei Sewell catches the ball with a convoy already in front of him. C. J. Stroud taps the point after through and this one is academic. Seven on the board.

Penei Sewell mimes a cigar length of a forearm and C. J. Stroud arrives to cup both hands around an invisible match. The lighting takes a while -- there is wind in the end zone, apparently. Penei Sewell takes one enormous pull, tips his head back, and blows a plume of nothing straight up at the lights. The Cleveland Blank-Helmets bench watches all of it and does not enjoy a second of it.

Walter Payton came out of his stance like the starter's pistol went off. Wrong sport, wrong second. Stiff arm at the thirty, Walter Payton continues for nine more. Tackled at the twenty-one. Walter Payton used that back pylon like a fence post -- plant, turn, and the football arrived like it had an appointment. The loneliest job in football is the one where making it earns you nothing, and Dwayne Johnson just made it again.

Six men form a rowing crew in the end zone, Walter Payton at the stroke seat, and they pull hard in perfect rhythm across the goal line. Trey McBride is the coxswain and he is screaming a cadence nobody can hear. It is the most coordinated thing this offense has done all season.

The exchange from Trey McBride to Kenneth Walker III happens at full speed with nobody breaking stride. That is timing you cannot install in a walkthrough. Off tackle it is, the tight end seals the edge, and Kenneth Walker III is into the second level untouched! He STUCK it in there! Not one inch of daylight anywhere on that line and Kenneth Walker III finds a way through it anyway! The 33-yard extra point stopped being free a long time ago, but Trent Williams still treats it like it is. Right down the pipe.

Kenneth Walker III turns to the corner section, lifts both arms slowly, and starts a wave. It clears the end zone, climbs the upper deck, comes all the way around the far side and finds him again, and he sends it straight back out. Three full laps. The extra point unit is standing on the field and the officials are waiting and nobody in this building is willing to be the one who lets it die.

Cam Skattebo plucked that thing out of the air with the calm of somebody taking mail out of his own box. Nothing hurried about it at all. That is what the gloves were invented for, and Cam Skattebo is the reason somebody keeps improving them. The drive dies at the 12, but Cam Skattebo makes sure it was not a wasted trip down the field.

Cam Skattebo points at the scoreboard and then stands there, waiting for his own name to come up on it. The operator is half a minute behind and the board is still showing a third down that no longer exists. Seventy thousand people end up staring at a blank scoreboard alongside him, and when the letters finally land the noise is bigger than it was for the touchdown. C. J. Stroud has been beside him the entire time, pointing at nothing at all.

Halftime. Trent Williams pulls the jersey over the pads and sits there in a soaked undershirt. The halftime act just thanked the wrong city. The stadium noticed immediately. And now, our halftime TV game show Say Maybe to the Windbreaker! To win a team windbreaker in a size that does not exist, text BLITZ to 555-2427 and answer this question: 'At what temperature does a man at a stadium finally admit he needs a coat?' The tee is set. Everybody in this building leans forward a little.

And the flag gets picked up. Cleveland Blank-Helmets keeps the touchdown, our sideline is screaming at the officials, and the scoreboard does not care one bit.

Penetration on the strong side by Penei Sewell, the pulling guard grabs nothing but air, and the whole run concept dies on the hash marks. One bad decision and it costs them six the other way! Penei Sewell makes them pay in full, and the whole defense is sprinting down there to find him. Through the uprights! Larry Allen adds the point after and the lead grows by one.

Penei Sewell points one finger at the sky and holds it, helmet off, eyes shut, standing dead still while the stadium comes apart around him. Nobody touches him for four full seconds. Then Dexter Lawrence wraps him up from behind and lifts him clean off the ground, and the noise doubles.

Seventy thousand people just made noise about a five-yard run, and that tells you everything -- Penei Sewell is wearing that defensive front out. The rush comes free, Penei Sewell floats it over the top, and here comes the CONVOY in front of Trent Williams! 38 yards. No block, no bad hold, no wind. Trent Williams simply missed it and the scoreboard does not move.

Larry Allen gets hauled out of the middle of it along with a body from the other side. The flags offset, the consequences do not. Play action freezes our linebackers, the tight end slips out behind them, and Cleveland Blank-Helmets scores with nobody in the picture. That is a bust, plain and simple.

Look at that sideline -- everybody waving both arms, the coach halfway onto the field, and Dwayne Johnson standing perfectly still while it all happens around him. OUT AND OUT OF BOUNDS! Dwayne Johnson on the money to Trey McBride and this drive still has all the time it needs! No wind, no pressure off the edge, no doubt from Trey McBride. Down the middle from 36.

One step over the goal line and Trey McBride drops into the dance whole internet already knows, hands low, feet blurring. Six teammates arrive and join it in a ragged line. The offensive line is two full beats behind and does not care. Seventy thousand people are doing it in the seats and none of them are doing it well.

Kenneth Walker III lost the deep third, panicked at the catch point and got his hand in early. That is a spot foul every single week. Back shoulder fade at the pylon, and Cleveland Blank-Helmets comes down with it over a defender who had inside leverage and nothing behind him. Perfectly placed, and this one is on us.

That is a burned timeout, but it beats five yards. Dwayne Johnson saw the protection was wrong and killed the play before it killed the drive. Somebody is going to sit through that clip in a defensive backs meeting on Wednesday, and Dwayne Johnson will not be the one squirming. FIFTY-FOUR YARDS AND HE HAS THE LEG! Dwayne Johnson drills it and this place comes UNGLUED!

Hand it to Trent Williams, let him take what is there, huddle slow, snap it at two. Repeat until the horn. That is the entire playbook at the moment. Trent Williams is wrestling a couch up a stairwell out there. Ugly, heavy, and it always ends up where it was going. No creativity required. Trent Williams takes it, finds the crease between guard and center, and falls forward. That is how you shorten a goal line.

Trent Williams drags Larry Allen into a slide across the wet turf. Twenty yards. No brakes anywhere. And here is the answer to our game show Say Maybe to the Windbreaker! Rennie Sue Gallimore of Frostproof Hollow, Vermont, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'At what temperature does a man at a stadium finally admit he needs a coat?' The answer was of course nineteen degrees, and even then he calls it a jacket. Rennie Sue therefore wins a team windbreaker in a size that does not exist! Somebody in the booth next door has been louder than me all night. I am taking that personally. We're signing off here. Next: 'Nature: The Migration of Shopping Carts Across the Parking Lot.'

Journée 4 — vs New Orleans Bag-Heads

16-12 (V)

Sack number, oh, does it even matter now? Trent Williams gets there AGAIN, and their right tackle is still looking for his helmet. Press at the line, hip to hip down the numbers -- Trent Williams takes the release away and the throw never leaves the quarterback's hand. Splits the uprights. New Orleans Bag-Heads settles for three, and we will take that trade every single time after where that drive started.

The defense sold out on the blitz. Dwayne Johnson counted the rushers pre-snap, and this is the exact call you make when they bring seven. Look at that defensive line standing straight up out of their stance. That is exhaustion, and Penei Sewell is the man who put it there. That pass was addressed, stamped and hand delivered to the wrong football team. Penei Sewell wants it back before he even reaches the sideline.

Three hurries on the last four dropbacks, two of them charged to Trent Williams.

Kenneth Walker III met that running back in a phone booth, and there was only ever room for one of them. This place is SHAKING! Kenneth Walker III has been living in that backfield all night and every soul in here knows it! Right down the middle from thirty-four. New Orleans Bag-Heads caps a twelve-play march with three, and eight minutes came off that clock with it.

Textbook situational football from Dwayne Johnson: work the sideline, get out of bounds, keep the timeouts in his pocket for the red zone. Pocket caves, Dwayne Johnson climbs, steps up, and RUNS! Past the sticks and sliding at the thirty-four!

Halftime. Kenneth Walker III is flat on the locker room floor with both legs up the wall. Halftime: a duet between a country singer and a pop star who clearly met about forty minutes ago. And now, our halftime TV game show The Bachelor of Special Teams! To win a kicking tee autographed by a man who says he is a kicker, text BLITZ to 555-0035 and answer this question: 'What does a kicker think about between kicks?' The offense is loosening up on the sideline. The defense is already lined up out there.

Trent Williams hit that pile like a dropped anchor, and the entire run game stopped moving right there. Here it comes, and it GETS THERE! Walter Payton times the snap count perfectly and the play is dead before it starts! He is UNBLOCKABLE right now! Kenneth Walker III is in the backfield again and their offensive coordinator just slammed the call sheet down!

Clean snap, laces out, and the kick is pure. New Orleans Bag-Heads is on the board, and there is nothing to complain about there -- that was textbook.

SCOOP AND SCORE! Dexter Lawrence with the least graceful twenty-eight yards of his entire career and by some distance the most important! Dexter Lawrence works so fast that the crowd is still chanting about the touchdown when the football is already through.

THAT IS A WALL! DeVonta Smith and the front seven meet them square at the point of attack, and there is no crease to be found! That is the third field goal of the day for New Orleans Bag-Heads. All those red zone stops, and we are still staring at nine points from a kicker.

This matters more than it looks. Penei Sewell has that sideline believing, and a team that believes plays faster on special teams and in the fourth quarter.

Free runner off the left edge and Dwayne Johnson goes down HARD. Loss of eight, and this drive just went into reverse. Fourth and 3 from the 41. Dwayne Johnson fakes it, completes it, chains move. The drive stays alive. Oh, he is a MATCHUP PROBLEM! Dwayne Johnson throws it up where only his guy can reach it and Trey McBride snatches it away from a man who gave up four inches! NO GOOD?! THE EXTRA POINT?! Dexter Lawrence pushes it and this stadium has no idea what it just watched.

PICKED OFF! DeVonta Smith jumps that route like he called it in their huddle himself! DeVonta Smith follows that block the way a car follows a snowplow. Somebody else clears it, he just keeps his foot down. Clean snap, laces away, and DeVonta Smith does exactly what he has done all season from that range. The hold was perfect and he rewarded it.

The touchdown is barely over the line before DeVonta Smith is on one knee, ball held out in front of him, proposing to Larry Allen. Larry Allen covers his mouth with both hands, nods, then falls backward into the arms of three linemen. This is a bit they have run since training camp and it kills every single time.

Trent Williams climbs onto the bench and conducts the crowd like an orchestra. Kenneth Walker III joins on air drums. And here is the answer to our game The Bachelor of Special Teams! Verlie Spurlock of Field Goal, Florida, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What does a kicker think about between kicks?' The answer was of course a barn he saw one time in Kansas, and nothing else, ever. Verlie takes home a kicking tee autographed by a man who says he is a kicker! The guy running the video board and I have never spoken, but tonight we made eye contact and nodded. That is a friendship. We're wrapping it up. Up next: 'Man vs Wild: A Weekend at My In-Laws.' No rescue is coming.

Journée 5 — vs Minnesota Silver-Horns

17-15 (V)

Incomplete. C. J. Stroud breaks it up on third down, and the punt unit starts to jog on. That is the third field goal of the day for Minnesota Silver-Horns. All those red zone stops, and we are still staring at nine points from a kicker.

Rip! Dwayne Johnson fires it low and away from the trailing corner, and Kenneth Walker III turns upfield for a few more before the safety arrives. Their pass rush is out there swinging at a wall that Kenneth Walker III put up three seconds ago and has not moved an inch since. Low trajectory from Kenneth Walker III, and at this level a low ball inside the line of scrimmage is an invitation. Their nose tackle accepted it.

NO SIR! Dexter Lawrence gets a hand in at the last possible instant and that football hits the turf! BOOM! Trey McBride comes off the edge untouched and puts the opposing quarterback in the dirt for a loss of nine! Splits the uprights. Minnesota Silver-Horns settles for three, and we will take that trade every single time after where that drive started.

THEY OWN THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE! Dexter Lawrence is driving grown men three yards downfield on every single snap! That is a jump ball won by wingspan and by sheer stubbornness, and Dexter Lawrence has an unfair amount of both. The punt team already had one foot on the field. Dexter Lawrence sends them back to the bench with three points instead.

Gain of nothing. Kenneth Walker III with the stop, and they are staring at third and long all over again. Right down the middle from thirty-four. Minnesota Silver-Horns caps a twelve-play march with three, and eight minutes came off that clock with it.

The tunnel. Cam Skattebo tosses the helmet to a ball boy and never breaks stride. Backstage: the artist's manager is arguing about the length of the runway. The runway is not moving. And now, our halftime TV game show Say Maybe to the Windbreaker! To win a team windbreaker in a size that does not exist, text BLITZ to 555-2427 and answer this question: 'At what temperature does a man at a stadium finally admit he needs a coat?' They are back out. The first-half script goes in the trash, here comes the new one.

The wind at the open end of this place grabs the Minnesota Silver-Horns attempt and the ball dies three yards short of the crossbar. You could hear our bench exhale from the parking lot. First and goal from the three, Trent Williams into the teeth of it, and he gets a yard and a half. Second and goal. Second and goal from the two and they just punch it. Trent Williams behind the right guard, forward lean, football across the line. Dwayne Johnson shows the flat route, resets his feet, and delivers to Trent Williams on the back line. The whole thing takes 2.4 seconds.

Screen game, blockers out in front, and Cam Skattebo sifts through all that traffic to make the tackle himself. That is a pro.

A false start backs them up five yards and it does not matter one bit. Good from forty-two, and Minnesota Silver-Horns stretches the lead.

Pre-snap ownership. Dwayne Johnson counted six in the box, slid the line to the left, and turned a bad call into a good one before a single man moved. That defender went down like a stack of empty crates, and Dwayne Johnson never so much as broke stride. Watch the plant foot -- Penei Sewell puts it right beside the ball, no lean, no hook. Inside 40 that is a rehearsed motion, not a kick.

Penei Sewell mimes putting the entire Minnesota Silver-Horns secondary to sleep, hands folded against his cheek, eyes closed, swaying gently. Their corner is in his face immediately. Penei Sewell does not open his eyes. Walter Payton arrives at a full sprint and physically removes him from the situation.

Look at the get-off from Cam Skattebo -- he is two yards upfield before the center's hand leaves the football. You cannot block that. We held them out of the end zone and it still costs us. Three for Minnesota Silver-Horns, because the scoreboard does not hand out credit for good defense.

Games get won right here, in the two feet of grass on either side of the football. And tonight C. J. Stroud is the reason this offense can do whatever it feels like. C. J. Stroud keeps his eyes locked on the football and lets his feet do the arithmetic on their own. Dwayne Johnson could not have found a smaller window. C. J. Stroud strikes it, both arms go straight up behind the goalposts, and this crowd gets the three points it came down here for.

C. J. Stroud tucks the ball under his jersey, cradles the bump, and rocks it gently while walking the length of the end zone. Dwayne Johnson follows with a hand on his back like a very concerned husband. The Minnesota Silver-Horns sideline is not amused. The referee already has the flag out of his belt.

Second and 9, empty look, Dwayne Johnson to Trent Williams underneath for seven. This is the least glamorous football on the planet and it wins games. Trent Williams into the interior for two, and another forty seconds disappear off the top. Trent Williams gives it to Kenneth Walker III on the fly, and their corner is caught peeking into the backfield. Nine free yards.

Dwayne Johnson and Trent Williams walk the head coach toward the Gatorade cooler. The coach negotiates the entire way. And here is the answer to our game show Say Maybe to the Windbreaker! Rennie Sue Gallimore of Frostproof Hollow, Vermont, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'At what temperature does a man at a stadium finally admit he needs a coat?' The answer was of course nineteen degrees, and even then he calls it a jacket. Rennie Sue therefore wins a team windbreaker in a size that does not exist! My evening in summary: talk, drink coffee, talk louder, spill the coffee, keep talking straight through it. Thanks for tuning in. Stay with us for 'Extreme Home Makeover: Reorganizing the Silverware Tray.'

Journée 6 — vs Denver Orange-Barrels

19-18 (V)

That is a violent arrival. Cam Skattebo gets there at the same instant as the football and the receiver hears every bit of it -- they will not be throwing many more his way tonight. Splits the uprights. Denver Orange-Barrels settles for three, and we will take that trade every single time after where that drive started.

Textbook rep. Walter Payton sets, punches, resets the feet, and that edge rusher runs himself a yard past the launch point. THAT IS GOOD, AND IT WAS NEVER ANYTHING ELSE! Walter Payton from 29 and that ball never wobbles once.

Walter Payton pounds the ball twice against his chest plate and the sound of it carries. The bench picks it up on the third beat, then the lower bowl, then the whole building -- seventy thousand people stamping the same two hits over and over. Walter Payton stands under the goalpost with his arms down and lets a stadium keep time for him. The Denver Orange-Barrels sideline burns a timeout it cannot afford, purely to make it stop.

DeVonta Smith met that running back in a phone booth, and there was only ever room for one of them. That is the third field goal of the day for Denver Orange-Barrels. All those red zone stops, and we are still staring at nine points from a kicker.

Interception, Trent Williams, at the 40. Our offense comes back out with a short field and a live crowd. Watching a 320-pound man run sideways at full speed and arrive exactly on time is one of the great sights in this sport, and Trent Williams has done it twice on this drive. From 51, on the road, into the open end of this stadium. Penei Sewell makes it. Three points.

Right down the middle from thirty-four. Denver Orange-Barrels caps a twelve-play march with three, and eight minutes came off that clock with it.

Second quarter is history. DeVonta Smith is chewing on a mouthpiece already bitten clean through. Backstage: the artist's manager is arguing about the length of the runway. The runway is not moving. And now, our halftime TV game show Snack Bar Rescue! To win a nacho cheese pump that works only in warm weather, text BLITZ to 555-2456 and answer this question: 'What is actually in the chili at a stadium concession stand?' The kicker sets up alone on his 35 while the coverage unit waits down on the far 40. The stadium counts him down.

This is the discipline that keeps drives breathing. Dwayne Johnson got all the way to his fourth read and never once looked rushed. Double team up to the linebacker, Penei Sewell climbs to the second level, and the running back has not been touched behind the line all half. Single high safety cheating down into the run fit. One receiver, one corner, nobody behind them: Penei Sewell wins by two steps and the rest is a track meet. DeVonta Smith converts. Seven points on the drive.

Penei Sewell doesn't celebrate. He hands the ball to the nearest official, taps him on the shoulder pad, and jogs to the sideline like a man returning a library book. Cam Skattebo is screaming in his face the entire way and getting nothing back. The silence of it somehow makes the crowd louder.

The hands tell the whole story -- Dexter Lawrence chops, rips underneath the outside shoulder, and the pocket collapses from the top down.

Perfect technique from Dexter Lawrence -- he plays the ball, not the man, and there is not a flag anywhere on this field. Four-man rush, nobody blitzed. Larry Allen wins a one-on-one in under two and a half seconds, and that is how you wreck a game plan. It is up, and it is through. Three more for Denver Orange-Barrels, and a two-possession game feels a whole lot different than a one-possession game.

PULL AND SEAL! Cam Skattebo leads the way and Penei Sewell is following him into the second level! You can hear the strike all the way up in the press box, and Penei Sewell watches his own football still climbing as it passes the 20.

Three receivers set the pylons in a triangle and Penei Sewell bowls the football straight through them. Strike. All three go down. C. J. Stroud does the scoreboard signal with both hands while an official jogs in reaching for his flag and the whole bench falls over laughing.

BOOM! Cam Skattebo comes off the edge untouched and puts the opposing quarterback in the dirt for a loss of nine! Cam Skattebo has that receiver on a short leash, and the leash has not moved an inch since the opening kickoff. Fifty-one yards and it is good with room to spare. Denver Orange-Barrels takes the lead back, and their kicker just woke that whole sideline up.

Fourth quarter, 6.1 yards a carry, and C. J. Stroud has won the leverage battle on rep after rep after rep. Contested catch by C. J. Stroud, twenty-six yards down the left side. First down at the forty. C. J. Stroud gets every bit of that ball, and the trajectory tells you at the 30 that it is going to clear with room to spare.

Up onto the padded barrier in front of the first row, both feet off the turf, and C. J. Stroud vanishes into a crush of jerseys and spilled beer. Two fans have him by the shoulder pads and are not letting go. He drops back onto the grass with somebody's foam finger and no idea whose it is. The Denver Orange-Barrels sideline watches this with the expression of men attending a funeral.

Look at the get-off from Cam Skattebo -- he is two yards upfield before the center's hand leaves the football. You cannot block that. This place is SHAKING! Cam Skattebo has been living in that backfield all night and every soul in here knows it! A false start backs them up five yards and it does not matter one bit. Good from forty-two, and Denver Orange-Barrels stretches the lead.

Kenneth Walker III sells the mesh and lets it go flat, and the entire defensive front is running the wrong direction. The other sideline is pleading with the officials to hurry it along, and Trey McBride is in absolutely no rush whatsoever. Their front four ran themselves eight yards past the football, and by the time the safety got downhill, Trey McBride had already turned this into a chunk play.

Dexter Lawrence grabs the sideline camera and films his own face for a full minute. Cam Skattebo photobombs eleven times. And here is the answer to our game show Snack Bar Rescue! Waylon Sipes of Hungry Mother Flats, Virginia, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What is actually in the chili at a stadium concession stand?' The answer was of course chili, mostly, and one decision made in 1994. Waylon therefore wins a nacho cheese pump that works only in warm weather! Meanwhile, up here, I knocked my stat sheet off the desk in the second quarter and never saw it again. Thank you for being here. Coming up: 'Forged in Fire: Sharpening the One Good Kitchen Knife.'

Journée 7 — vs Chicago Quarterback-Graveyard

34-35 (D)

BOOM! Kenneth Walker III comes off the edge untouched and puts the opposing quarterback in the dirt for a loss of nine! A stop was one snap away, and now Kenneth Walker III has handed the other sideline field position it did nothing to earn. Screen pass, one missed tackle at the thirty, and Chicago Quarterback-Graveyard is gone. That is a fundamentals problem, and the fundamentals are ours to fix.

The defensive front showed up talking. Cam Skattebo has spent two hours quietly walking them backwards, and the talking has stopped. MOSSED HIM! Cam Skattebo climbs over the top of the defender and rips it away! Dwayne Johnson threw it up and let his man go get it! GET THE TAPE MEASURE OUT! Cam Skattebo from 56 and there was never a question after the first bounce of the crowd noise.

Whole receiving corps drops into a photo-booth strip: four different poses in four seconds, Cam Skattebo switching each one, everybody matching. Somebody in the group is a half beat behind on all four and it is, as usual, a lineman who followed them in. The gag ends with all of them face down on the turf and the crowd absolutely gone.

Beautiful key read. Penei Sewell sees the guard pull, runs the mesh point down, and meets the back before the handoff is even clean. IT IS A HEADCOUNT! Somebody on this sideline needs a clicker, because the official counted twice before he threw it at Penei Sewell! Six for Chicago Quarterback-Graveyard. Nobody carried the crosser, and that was a walk-in from twelve yards out.

Dwayne Johnson climbs the pocket, checks it down to Penei Sewell, wrapped up after a gain of five. You can see it in the pad level. Penei Sewell and the men beside him are coming off the ball lower than that front four, and this fight was decided in the second quarter. That football hung up there long enough for the whole stadium to do the math, and Penei Sewell was the only man in the building who got the answer right. Dwayne Johnson works so fast that the crowd is still chanting about the touchdown when the football is already through.

Penei Sewell climbs the padding at the base of the goalpost and hangs there like a man escaping a flood. The flag is out before his second hand lands, and security arrives right behind it. Larry Allen is at the bottom pushing him higher, which is not helping anybody. Two officials and a very tired stadium employee talk him down.

Second and 3 from the 40, DeVonta Smith pulls, the hole opens between the tackles, and the offense picks up the first down before anybody on defense lays a finger on the ball carrier. Everybody in the building tracks the flight, nobody breathes, and then Penei Sewell hears the roar behind him. Good from 52.

Halftime whistle. Larry Allen slaps the offensive line on the back as they file past. Halftime entertainment: a country act in a denim jacket singing about a truck. It is going over enormously well. And now, our halftime TV game show That Is Somewhat Incredible! To win a scoreboard bulb the size of a mailbox, still warm, text BLITZ to 555-2188 and answer this question: 'How many stacked linemen would it take to reach the top of the scoreboard?' Both sidelines are packed and loud again. Time to play.

HE GOT A PIECE OF IT! DeVonta Smith arrives with the football, and their receiver is still asking for a flag that is never coming! This one is on the headsets, not the player. Dexter Lawrence was sent out for a package that got waved off two seconds too late. Ohhh, that one hurts. Chicago Quarterback-Graveyard runs the same counter they have run all afternoon, the backside end crashes again, and it is a touchdown.

Third and long, draw to Trent Williams, gain of fourteen. They will take that every single time. There is a man out there getting paid a fortune to ruin quarterbacks, and Trent Williams has quietly turned him into a jogger. The drive dies at the 12, but Trent Williams makes sure it was not a wasted trip down the field.

Screen to the right from Dwayne Johnson, blockers out in front, brought down after a gain of fourteen. Penei Sewell put that football on the white paint, which is the football version of hanging up before a meeting runs long. They stunted the interior, got penetration on the right guard, and Kenneth Walker III had no chance -- that ball was dead the moment it left his foot.

Dwayne Johnson pulled the emergency brake with the front wheel already off the cliff. Expensive, sure, but the bus is still on the road. Smart, disciplined football from Dwayne Johnson. He takes the boundary instead of the middle, because the middle of the field bleeds seconds. Larry Allen treats a 31-yarder the way you treat a light switch. Flip it, walk off, three points.

They wanted the seam. C. J. Stroud took the seam, took the football, and took eleven yards back the other way before the whistle. The edge is GONE and C. J. Stroud is through it! That is a defensive front getting moved off the ball on national television! Fourth and 6 at the 15, field goal unit on, C. J. Stroud converts from 33. Three points.

This is the part of the game nobody clips for social media, and it is the part that decides Sundays. Dwayne Johnson is coaching from the line of scrimmage. Terrific decision by Dwayne Johnson, ball right into the frame of Kenneth Walker III, and one hard step later he is standing in front of his own bench. Quick out, Kenneth Walker III catches it at his own forty-five, breaks the arm tackle and outruns the angle. Fifty-five yard touchdown on a throw that traveled four. The 33-yard extra point stopped being free a long time ago, but Kenneth Walker III still treats it like it is. Right down the pipe.

Kenneth Walker III points at the scoreboard and then stands there, waiting for his own name to come up on it. The operator is half a minute behind and the board is still showing a third down that no longer exists. Seventy thousand people end up staring at a blank scoreboard alongside him, and when the letters finally land the noise is bigger than it was for the touchdown. Walter Payton has been beside him the entire time, pointing at nothing at all.

Count them up, there are TWELVE out there! Dexter Lawrence never got the signal to come off, and that is five yards! Field position, then penalties, then the score. Chicago Quarterback-Graveyard has taken this game away from us one small mistake at a time.

This is the throw that separates arms. Dwayne Johnson has to beat a corner driving downhill from ten yards away, and he beats him with pure velocity. Trey McBride stutters, the defender freezes, and that is all he needed. Twelve extra yards on a play that should have been dead. FIFTY-FOUR YARDS AND HE HAS THE LEG! Trey McBride drills it and this place comes UNGLUED!

The linemen have been waiting all year for this. All five of them wall up in the end zone and hit a shoulder-roll wave down the line, big men moving in sequence like a slow tide. Trey McBride stands to the side and simply applauds. This is their moment and everybody in the building knows it.

Back shoulder fade at the pylon, and Chicago Quarterback-Graveyard comes down with it over a defender who had inside leverage and nothing behind him. Perfectly placed, and this one is on us.

SAFETY! C. J. Stroud runs the arc, catches the opposing quarterback on his back foot and drops him in his own end zone -- two points!

The kicker is the only man still on the sideline, and he is jumping straight up and down by himself with both fists over his head. Nobody is looking at him. He does not care. C. J. Stroud spots him from the end zone, sprints forty yards back, and tackles him into the bench, and the broadcast stays on the two of them for a full ten seconds.

Second and eight, inside zone, Penei Sewell cuts back to the weak side for fifteen. Big play. Missed field goal, no time on the clock. Penei Sewell walks toward the tunnel with his helmet in his hand and not one teammate finds a word for him.

Trent Williams counts the yards again in his head. Two. It was two. DeVonta Smith knows exactly what number he is on. And here is the answer to our game show That Is Somewhat Incredible! Pearline Odom of Sand Gnat Junction, Georgia, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many stacked linemen would it take to reach the top of the scoreboard?' The answer was of course nine, though only the bottom two would ever speak of it again. Pearline therefore wins a scoreboard bulb the size of a mailbox, still warm! Yours truly made it through four quarters on a single bathroom break. Do not applaud, it is just discipline. That's our show. Up next: 'Storage Wars: My Parents' Attic.' Bidding starts at nothing.

Journée 8 — vs New England Tuck-Rulers

17-18 (D)

He is UNBLOCKABLE right now! Kenneth Walker III is in the backfield again and their offensive coordinator just slammed the call sheet down! Fifty-one yards and it is good with room to spare. New England Tuck-Rulers takes the lead back, and their kicker just woke that whole sideline up.

Dwayne Johnson pops straight up and points down at the yellow on the grass, in case one person in the building somehow missed it. Dwayne Johnson is handing out five-yard gains like business cards, and the defense keeps accepting them. Corner route out of the slot, one on one, no help inside. Trey McBride wins at the top of the stem and the throw beats the safety. Touchdown. The 33-yard extra point stopped being free a long time ago, but Cam Skattebo still treats it like it is. Right down the pipe.

A conga line forms out of nowhere: Trey McBride at the front, Trent Williams on his hips, and by the end of the end zone there are nine men in it including a trainer who should absolutely know better. It snakes past the goalpost and back. The head coach is on the sideline with both hands over his face, laughing.

NO SIR! Kenneth Walker III gets a hand in at the last possible instant and that football hits the turf! Dwayne Johnson folded that pocket like a lawn chair, and the opposing quarterback never saw the ceiling coming down. We held them out of the end zone and it still costs us. Three for New England Tuck-Rulers, because the scoreboard does not hand out credit for good defense.

He played the eyes the entire way. DeVonta Smith never looked at the receiver -- he broke on the shoulder turn and the football came to him. Five yards through the air, twenty-eight on the ground. DeVonta Smith does the hard part after the catch, the way he always does. Watch the plant foot -- DeVonta Smith puts it right beside the ball, no lean, no hook. Inside 40 that is a rehearsed motion, not a kick.

DeVonta Smith mimes an enormous phone call from behind the goalpost, pointing at the ball, nodding seriously, holding up one finger to ask the crowd for quiet. Nobody quiets. He says a few words into his hand and hangs up. Dexter Lawrence takes the imaginary phone next and gets flagged for a call that lasted too long.

Back-shoulder, and Dexter Lawrence smells it coming. He plants, opens the hips, and knocks it away in the corner of the end zone. Third and fourteen killed the drive, and the kicker finishes what the offense could not. New England Tuck-Rulers adds three and this becomes a chess match.

Halftime. The equipment staff swaps DeVonta Smith into a dry pair of cleats. Not many people know this: DeVonta Smith auditioned for a televised singing competition before football. The tape exists somewhere. And now, our halftime TV game show Dancing with the Long Snappers! To win a long snapper bobblehead that does not bobble and never has, text BLITZ to 555-0197 and answer this question: 'How many people alive today know what a long snapper actually does?' Kick is away, high and deep, and the third quarter is underway.

That window is maybe eighteen inches wide. Dwayne Johnson throws it before the break, which is the only way this football ever arrives. Look at the two linemen out in front of Larry Allen -- when a big man is running in space and enjoying himself, somebody is about to get folded up. HE IS IN! Larry Allen takes the handoff, finds the crease in the B-gap and finishes it standing straight up! Dwayne Johnson jogs on, kicks it through, jogs off. If you blinked you missed the whole thing, and that is exactly the idea.

Larry Allen tucks the ball under his jersey, cradles the bump, and rocks it gently while walking the length of the end zone. Penei Sewell follows with a hand on his back like a very concerned husband. The New England Tuck-Rulers sideline is not amused. The referee already has the flag out of his belt.

Two-gap discipline from Dexter Lawrence: he holds his ground, sheds the double team late, and makes the tackle right on the football. It is up, and it is through. Three more for New England Tuck-Rulers, and a two-possession game feels a whole lot different than a one-possession game.

The other coordinator is out of coverages and out of time, and Dwayne Johnson knows it. Watch the eyes: Dwayne Johnson keeps them downfield until the very last instant, and only then decides to go get it himself.

Clean snap, laces out, and the kick is pure. New England Tuck-Rulers is on the board, and there is nothing to complain about there -- that was textbook.

Third and 8, empty backfield, and Walter Payton takes him down before the route concept ever develops. Punt team.

The hands tell the whole story -- Trent Williams chops, rips underneath the outside shoulder, and the pocket collapses from the top down. No targets, no catches, no yards. Trent Williams is having the kind of quiet game that wins football games. Splits the uprights. New England Tuck-Rulers settles for three, and we will take that trade every single time after where that drive started.

HELMET ON, CHIN STRAP BUCKLED! Dwayne Johnson is taking this offense the length of the field and every single person in here knows it! Dwayne Johnson and his unit have given up nothing on the last eleven dropbacks. That trench belongs to them now.

Dwayne Johnson listens to the coach speak and hears none of it. Walter Payton hears every single word. And here is the answer to our game Dancing with the Long Snappers! Bettie Jo Cauthen of Snap Corner, South Carolina, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many people alive today know what a long snapper actually does?' The answer was of course forty-one, and they refuse to be in the same room together. Bettie Jo takes home a long snapper bobblehead that does not bobble and never has! Fun fact: this chair is missing a wheel. Every time I lean left, I take a small unplanned trip. We're out. Stay with us for 'Kitchen Nightmares: My Roommate Made Soup Again.'

Journée 9 — vs Las Vegas Double-or-Nothing

24-23 (V)

LAID OUT! DeVonta Smith squares him up in space and puts him on the ground at the 22 -- no yards after, no daylight! OH, THE BALL IS OUT! DeVonta Smith takes the arm on the way down and the football is loose -- AND WE HAVE IT! Third and one and they keep it on the ground. DeVonta Smith slides off the double team and stretches the football over the goal line. Trent Williams taps the point after through and this one is academic. Seven on the board.

Four-man rush, nobody blitzed. Penei Sewell wins a one-on-one in under two and a half seconds, and that is how you wreck a game plan. This is the value of travel coverage: Penei Sewell follows him everywhere, so the game plan they built all week is now scrap paper. Clean snap, laces out, and the kick is pure. Las Vegas Double-or-Nothing is on the board, and there is nothing to complain about there -- that was textbook.

Smart process from Dwayne Johnson: he knows the safety is late, he gives Larry Allen a chance, and the coverage has to grab or get beaten clean. Larry Allen throws that into a five-yard box with three defenders already standing in it, and not one man in the building comes out of the pile with the football. Prime time, road crowd, and Cam Skattebo just backed them all the way up to their own goal line. Our sideline is standing on the bench.

Nowhere to go. Dexter Lawrence plugs the hole and that running back is swallowed up for no gain. Fifty-one yards and it is good with room to spare. Las Vegas Double-or-Nothing takes the lead back, and their kicker just woke that whole sideline up.

Sack, strip, recovery. DeVonta Smith does all three inside of two seconds, and this drive is dead on arrival. Nothing downfield, so DeVonta Smith takes the safe money and drops it to the back in the flat. Six yards is not a headline, but it is a manageable third down. This was a numbers game and the offense won it before the snap: an extra hat at the point of attack and Penei Sewell untouched from eleven yards out. Trey McBride converts. Seven points on the drive.

Three receivers set the pylons in a triangle and Penei Sewell bowls the football straight through them. Strike. All three go down. Dexter Lawrence does the scoreboard signal with both hands while an official jogs in reaching for his flag and the whole bench falls over laughing.

Into the tunnel. Dexter Lawrence stops to point something out to the position coach before going in. Little scoop: Dexter Lawrence sold t-shirts out of a car trunk before the draft. Cleared about forty dollars total. And now, our halftime TV game show Gravel Road Truckers! To win a truck bed liner and the truck it no longer fits, text BLITZ to 555-2503 and answer this question: 'How far is the good parking at a stadium from the actual stadium?' Here comes the kick to start the third. Hold on to something.

Every conversion has come through Penei Sewell. Third and four, third and three, third and two. He is playing keep-away with the whole afternoon.

Penetration on the strong side by Cam Skattebo, the pulling guard grabs nothing but air, and the whole run concept dies on the hash marks. We held them out of the end zone and it still costs us. Three for Las Vegas Double-or-Nothing, because the scoreboard does not hand out credit for good defense.

OH, THAT IS A GIFT AND HE UNWRAPPED IT! DeVonta Smith with the pick, and the whole sideline is coming over the bench! DeVonta Smith pulled, found the only defender who actually mattered, and put him on skates. Penei Sewell handled the easy part after that. GET THE TAPE MEASURE OUT! Penei Sewell from 56 and there was never a question after the first bounce of the crowd noise.

Two linemen plant themselves on the goal line with their arms straight up as uprights, and Kenneth Walker III snaps the ball back through his legs. Penei Sewell kicks it clean between them and holds the follow-through, one leg up, chin high. The actual kicker is twenty yards away with his actual holder, waiting to do this for real. Both officials signal the imaginary kick good before they can stop themselves.

Third and 8, empty backfield, and Trent Williams takes him down before the route concept ever develops. Punt team. Yellow laundry deep in the secondary, and it is on Trent Williams. Pass interference, and the ball travels all the way down to the twenty. Las Vegas Double-or-Nothing goes deep on third and long and our safety arrives about a half second late. Fifty-two yards, and you can hear the concourse from here.

The rusher brought a spin, a rip and a plan. DeVonta Smith brought better feet, and that is the entire story of this drive. DeVonta Smith steps up in the pocket and throws it down the left sideline to Larry Allen. Gain of forty-eight, brought down at the 15. HOUSE CALL! Five yard throw from Dwayne Johnson, forty yard run from Larry Allen, and a hitch route just went the distance! Through the uprights! Dexter Lawrence adds the point after and the lead grows by one.

Ball tucked, Larry Allen drops into a three-point stance facing the Las Vegas Double-or-Nothing bench and holds it. Just holds it. Their entire sideline is on the white line yelling. C. J. Stroud hauls him up by the belt and steers him away before the yellow comes out, and the crowd boos the peacemaking.

Trent Williams was in a footrace he had already lost, so he tried to slow the traffic. The officials do not accept that excuse. And the flag gets picked up. Las Vegas Double-or-Nothing keeps the touchdown, our sideline is screaming at the officials, and the scoreboard does not care one bit.

TAKE IT DOWN! Dwayne Johnson goes to a knee at the 30 and this place is already singing!

Larry Allen plants the ball on the fifty like a flag. Trent Williams stands at attention. Walter Payton salutes the wrong direction. And here is the answer to our game show Gravel Road Truckers! Maxine Halloway Trout of Dry Axle, Nebraska, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How far is the good parking at a stadium from the actual stadium?' The answer was of course one point four miles, uphill, in both directions. Maxine therefore wins a truck bed liner and the truck it no longer fits! My evening in three words: cold, loud, glorious. Mostly cold. We're calling it. Up next: 'Swamp People: The Puddle at the End of My Driveway.'

Journée 10 — vs Seattle Seismographs

32-37 (D)

HE GOT A PIECE OF IT! C. J. Stroud arrives with the football, and their receiver is still asking for a flag that is never coming! BOOM! DeVonta Smith comes off the edge untouched and puts the opposing quarterback in the dirt for a loss of nine! Clean snap, laces out, and the kick is pure. Seattle Seismographs is on the board, and there is nothing to complain about there -- that was textbook.

Dwayne Johnson wanted to throw it away like a man ditching a bad hand of cards. The dealer was watching. This is the answer to pressure: Dwayne Johnson gets it out in 1.8 seconds, Trey McBride sits down in the soft spot of the zone, and the rush never mattered. Trey McBride went into that pile the way you wade into cold surf, and he came out the other side dragging two defenders across the line with him. Through the uprights! Trent Williams adds the point after and the lead grows by one.

Whole receiving corps drops into a photo-booth strip: four different poses in four seconds, Trey McBride switching each one, everybody matching. Somebody in the group is a half beat behind on all four and it is, as usual, a lineman who followed them in. The gag ends with all of them face down on the turf and the crowd absolutely gone.

Seven-man protection, nobody chipping, and Dwayne Johnson hitched once at the top of the drop before he turned it loose. That hitch is what bought the separation. Trey McBride reads the low tackle attempt and steps right over the top of it. Feet clean, ball secure, no interruption in the stride. Trey McBride strikes it, both arms go straight up behind the goalposts, and this crowd gets the three points it came down here for.

Look at the get-off from Cam Skattebo -- he is two yards upfield before the center's hand leaves the football. You cannot block that. Sack number, oh, does it even matter now? Cam Skattebo gets there AGAIN, and their right tackle is still looking for his helmet. We held them out of the end zone and it still costs us. Three for Seattle Seismographs, because the scoreboard does not hand out credit for good defense.

Fifty-five seconds, no huddle, and Dwayne Johnson already has this offense at the thirty. Watch the safety bite on the run fake -- that is all Penei Sewell needed. One high look, one window, Dwayne Johnson sitting down in the back of the end zone. The loneliest job in football is the one where making it earns you nothing, and Penei Sewell just made it again.

Dwayne Johnson hurdles a downed defender on the way in, and once he is over the line he turns around and hurdles Trent Williams for good measure. Trent Williams was not warned. He was crouching to tie a shoe. This is on every highlight package in the country and it is not even the touchdown that is the story.

Second quarter over. Penei Sewell walks with the eye black smeared halfway to his ear. Anecdote: the locker room fined Penei Sewell for singing along to a halftime show. Out loud. On camera. And now, our halftime TV game show Supermarket End Sweep! To win eleven bags of ice, delivered slowly over the course of a summer, text BLITZ to 555-0071 and answer this question: 'How many bags of ice does a tailgate need, mathematically speaking?' The pace picks up the instant ball is fielded. Whatever they found in that locker room, it travels.

NO SIR! Cam Skattebo gets a hand in at the last possible instant and that football hits the turf! A false start backs them up five yards and it does not matter one bit. Good from forty-two, and Seattle Seismographs stretches the lead.

Trent Williams turns that corner like he had the door code. Their edge defender never got a hand anywhere near him. Fourth and one, quarterback sneak, Trent Williams for two. First down. A link and a half to spare! Trent Williams just bought this offense four more snaps of oxygen. The whole sideline came up off that bench when Trent Williams went airborne, and the officials had to point every one of them back behind the white line!

One hand, and the wrong hand at that. Kenneth Walker III takes that football with the off hand, twelve feet in the air, with his momentum carrying him away from the throw. Kenneth Walker III treats a 31-yarder the way you treat a light switch. Flip it, walk off, three points.

BLOWN UP IN THE BACKFIELD! DeVonta Smith shoots the A-gap and drops him four yards behind the line of scrimmage! Twelve men on the field. DeVonta Smith jogs off shaking his head, and the penalty is exactly what it looked like. Field position, then penalties, then the score. Seattle Seismographs has taken this game away from us one small mistake at a time.

You can see it in the pad level. DeVonta Smith and the men beside him are coming off the ball lower than that front four, and this fight was decided in the second quarter. DeVonta Smith times the jump perfectly, high points the football, and holds on through the contact. That is a fifty-fifty ball that was never fifty-fifty. FIFTY-FOUR YARDS AND HE HAS THE LEG! DeVonta Smith drills it and this place comes UNGLUED!

Officials, coaches, equipment staff, everybody is out there trying to pry this apart, and Dwayne Johnson is being dragged backwards by the jersey. Six for Seattle Seismographs. Nobody carried the crosser, and that was a walk-in from twelve yards out.

That is a coverage disguise and a half. Trent Williams shows two-high, spins down into the flat, and the opposing quarterback throws it right to him. Their nickel had Trent Williams wrapped up at the twenty-six and got dragged four more yards before help arrived. That is not a missed tackle, that is a lost fight. No wind, no pressure off the edge, no doubt from Trent Williams. Down the middle from 36.

Trent Williams points one finger at the sky and holds it, helmet off, eyes shut, standing dead still while the stadium comes apart around him. Nobody touches him for four full seconds. Then Walter Payton wraps him up from behind and lifts him clean off the ground, and the noise doubles.

Illegal substitution. Cam Skattebo is caught halfway to the sideline at the snap, and the flag is out immediately. Back shoulder fade at the pylon, and Seattle Seismographs comes down with it over a defender who had inside leverage and nothing behind him. Perfectly placed, and this one is on us.

Timeout at 0:01 on the play clock, second one of the half. Dwayne Johnson keeps the football and the down, and they will reset the call. Completion to the boundary from Dwayne Johnson to Trey McBride, gain of thirteen, both feet down inside the white and the rest of him already out. The drive dies at the 12, but Trey McBride makes sure it was not a wasted trip down the field.

Trey McBride spins the ball on the turf, drops to a crouch, and stares at it like it owes him an explanation. It spins for a genuinely absurd amount of time. The crowd counts along. When it finally falls over, seventy thousand people yell at once and Trey McBride walks off without looking back.

Interference on Walter Payton. Automatic first down, the drive stays alive, and this defense has to line up all over again. And the flag gets picked up. Seattle Seismographs keeps the touchdown, our sideline is screaming at the officials, and the scoreboard does not care one bit.

DeVonta Smith plucked that thing out of the air with the calm of somebody taking mail out of his own box. Nothing hurried about it at all. ONE HAND! DeVonta Smith reaches out with the right and PLUCKS it out of the sky! Dwayne Johnson put it in the only place a defender could not reach! Clean snap, laces away, and DeVonta Smith does exactly what he has done all season from that range. The hold was perfect and he rewarded it.

Nobody is sitting down. Not one seat in this stadium is being used. Dwayne Johnson claps for the snap and the drive of the year is officially alive. This is where Dwayne Johnson earns the contract -- catch it flat-footed in the flat, then turn into a running back for the next twenty yards.

Trent Williams refuses to take the pads off. Nobody makes him. Dwayne Johnson sits down next to him in full gear too. And here is the answer to our game Supermarket End Sweep! Alton Grizzle of Pork Rind, Arkansas, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many bags of ice does a tailgate need, mathematically speaking?' The answer was of course one more than you bought, always, at every tailgate since the beginning of tailgating. Alton takes home eleven bags of ice, delivered slowly over the course of a summer! During the break I tried to throw a football from the booth down to the field. It did not clear the window. Which was closed. We appreciate you. And now, a brand new episode of 'Pawn Stars: A Commemorative Plate From 1998.'

Journée 11 — vs Pittsburgh Dish-Towels

28-31 (D)

NO SIR! Kenneth Walker III gets a hand in at the last possible instant and that football hits the turf! Clean snap, laces out, and the kick is pure. Pittsburgh Dish-Towels is on the board, and there is nothing to complain about there -- that was textbook.

Speed to the perimeter is the entire idea here, and Penei Sewell has more of it than the linebacker chasing him. That race was over at the snap. No wind, no pressure off the edge, no doubt from Penei Sewell. Down the middle from 36.

Penei Sewell mimes a cigar length of a forearm and Trent Williams arrives to cup both hands around an invisible match. The lighting takes a while -- there is wind in the end zone, apparently. Penei Sewell takes one enormous pull, tips his head back, and blows a plume of nothing straight up at the lights. The Pittsburgh Dish-Towels bench watches all of it and does not enjoy a second of it.

That is eleven completions in a row for Dwayne Johnson, and you can feel this building starting to believe in the drive. Second and six, Kenneth Walker III off the right hip of the tackle, gain of seven. First down, and the chains are on the move again. Clean snap, laces away, and Kenneth Walker III does exactly what he has done all season from that range. The hold was perfect and he rewarded it.

This is the throw that separates arms. Dwayne Johnson has to beat a corner driving downhill from ten yards away, and he beats him with pure velocity. Kenneth Walker III in the open field, one man to beat, and he leaves him GRABBING AIR! Ankles all over the turf! GET THE TAPE MEASURE OUT! Kenneth Walker III from 56 and there was never a question after the first bounce of the crowd noise.

PICKED OFF! Dexter Lawrence jumps that route like he called it in their huddle himself! That one stings. Dwayne Johnson put it on a platter and Dexter Lawrence lets it clank off the palms. Third down coming up. Fourth and 9. Kenneth Walker III pins it at the two. That offense now has 98 yards of real estate in front of it.

Halftime adjustments. Dwayne Johnson waves the young guys over and walks them through it twice. Not many people know this: Dwayne Johnson auditioned for a televised singing competition before football. The tape exists somewhere. And now, our halftime TV game show The Pledge Drive Power Half Hour! To win a tote bag, and the quiet dignity of owning a tote bag, text BLITZ to 555-2565 and answer this question: 'How much do you have to pledge before they read your name on the air?' Third-quarter kickoff coming up. This is the stretch where games get decided.

Everybody drops, everybody sprints upfield, and Penei Sewell walks into a hallway that had four defenders standing in it a second ago. The blind side is CLOSED! Penei Sewell slams the door and the throw gets out clean! Fourth and 6 at the 15, field goal unit on, Penei Sewell converts from 33. Three points.

Penei Sewell points at the scoreboard and then stands there, waiting for his own name to come up on it. The operator is half a minute behind and the board is still showing a third down that no longer exists. Seventy thousand people end up staring at a blank scoreboard alongside him, and when the letters finally land the noise is bigger than it was for the touchdown. DeVonta Smith has been beside him the entire time, pointing at nothing at all.

This started with a shove after the whistle and escalated in about two seconds. Cam Skattebo is in the middle of it and the crew will be sorting out numbers for five minutes. Back shoulder fade at the pylon, and Pittsburgh Dish-Towels comes down with it over a defender who had inside leverage and nothing behind him. Perfectly placed, and this one is on us.

Three-step drop, hitch route, and Kenneth Walker III was sitting on it the whole quarter. He has been baiting that throw since the opening series. Kenneth Walker III catches that the way you catch a can somebody tosses across a room -- casual, one hand, no ceremony, except a cornerback is hanging off his hip. Kenneth Walker III strikes it, both arms go straight up behind the goalposts, and this crowd gets the three points it came down here for.

Five yards marched off. Larry Allen was the twelfth man, and a third and 6 just turned into third and 1 for them. The chains kept moving and nothing we tried slowed it down. Fourteen plays, seven minutes off the clock, and Pittsburgh Dish-Towels finishes the drive with six.

That is veteran nerve from Dwayne Johnson. He waited to the last possible tick to see if the defense would tip its hand, and when it did not, he ate the timeout. Everything about this run is decided before contact. The fullback kicks out the force defender and Dwayne Johnson only has to stay patient for one beat. The punt team already had one foot on the field. Dwayne Johnson sends them back to the bench with three points instead.

Loss of four. Dexter Lawrence makes the stop, the chains do not move, and their sideline is already talking about field goal range. Run the tape back on the substitution: Dexter Lawrence steps in, the call changes, and nobody waves him back. That is the whole penalty in one clip. Field position, then penalties, then the score. Pittsburgh Dish-Towels has taken this game away from us one small mistake at a time.

Screen pass, one missed tackle at the thirty, and Pittsburgh Dish-Towels is gone. That is a fundamentals problem, and the fundamentals are ours to fix.

Trent Williams takes the handoff, hits the A-gap, and there is NOBODY bringing him down at first contact! Five hard ones! Trent Williams treats a 31-yarder the way you treat a light switch. Flip it, walk off, three points.

Ball goes under the arm, Trent Williams sprints straight to the Pittsburgh Dish-Towels logo at midfield and plants both feet on it, arms wide. Their entire sideline comes off the bench at once. Officials sprint in. Larry Allen gets there first and drags him off the paint by the jersey while the home crowd screams for blood.

It worked! Penei Sewell on the recovery, the sideline is spilling out onto the field, and the man who called for it can finally breathe. Dwayne Johnson pumps, the linebacker jumps, and Penei Sewell is WIDE OPEN in the back corner! Easiest six points anybody scores today! DeVonta Smith works so fast that the crowd is still chanting about the touchdown when the football is already through.

Penei Sewell mimes lifting an enormous, impossibly heavy trophy off the turf -- knees bent, back straight, veins popping. It takes him four seconds to get it overhead. Trey McBride spots him like a training partner. They parade it around the end zone and hand it, ceremonially, to the referee, who does not accept it.

Dexter Lawrence apologizes to the offensive line, one man at a time. Cam Skattebo tells him to stop. And here is the answer to our game show The Pledge Drive Power Half Hour! Lurlene Chastain of Quiet Dell Station, West Virginia, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How much do you have to pledge before they read your name on the air?' The answer was of course sixty dollars, or forty and a very sad story. Lurlene therefore wins a tote bag, and the quiet dignity of owning a tote bag! I ordered a sandwich in the second quarter. It arrived after the final whistle. Somebody had a rough night in that kitchen. We appreciate you. And now, a brand new episode of 'Pawn Stars: A Commemorative Plate From 1998.'

Journée 12 — vs Dallas Hole-In-The-Roof

27-38 (D)

He was beaten by a full step and it did not matter. Dexter Lawrence recovers, finds the ball late, and rakes it out at the catch point. A false start backs them up five yards and it does not matter one bit. Good from forty-two, and Dallas Hole-In-The-Roof stretches the lead.

He never stops working -- DeVonta Smith has his arm around the pocket before his shoulder pad even lands. That is a hunter's instinct. Jet motion, and DeVonta Smith puts it in the belly of Larry Allen at a dead sprint! He is around the corner before the linebackers can flip their hips! THAT IS GOOD, AND IT WAS NEVER ANYTHING ELSE! Larry Allen from 29 and that ball never wobbles once.

Dunking the football over the crossbar has been illegal for a decade and Larry Allen does it anyway, cleanly, two-handed, hanging for a beat. The flag comes out. The crowd does not care about the flag. Neither, from the look of him, does the head coach, who is very deliberately looking somewhere else.

Dwayne Johnson put that football on the white paint, which is the football version of hanging up before a meeting runs long. It is all in the shoulders. Larry Allen sells the outside with his upper body and goes inside with his feet, and the defender bought every bit of it. The punt team already had one foot on the field. Larry Allen sends them back to the bench with three points instead.

Larry Allen mimes an enormous phone call from behind the goalpost, pointing at the ball, nodding seriously, holding up one finger to ask the crowd for quiet. Nobody quiets. He says a few words into his hand and hangs up. Trent Williams takes the imaginary phone next and gets flagged for a call that lasted too long.

Loss of four. Trent Williams makes the stop, the chains do not move, and their sideline is already talking about field goal range. Illegal substitution. Trent Williams is caught halfway to the sideline at the snap, and the flag is out immediately. Ohhh, that one hurts. Dallas Hole-In-The-Roof runs the same counter they have run all afternoon, the backside end crashes again, and it is a touchdown.

Textbook from Trent Williams: he never goes for the body, he goes for the tomahawk on the throwing arm. Coaches run that clip on a loop. Bounce it OUTSIDE! Trent Williams sees the pursuit overrun the play, hits the sideline and dives at the pylon for the score! The coach keeps the offense out there and it pays -- Dwayne Johnson takes the shotgun snap and hits Larry Allen on a slant into the end zone. TWO POINTS!

Trent Williams turns to the corner section, lifts both arms slowly, and starts a wave. It clears the end zone, climbs the upper deck, comes all the way around the far side and finds him again, and he sends it straight back out. Three full laps. The extra point unit is standing on the field and the officials are waiting and nobody in this building is willing to be the one who lets it die.

Halftime. Dwayne Johnson eats a peanut butter sandwich in the corner. Same one, every single week. Did you know Dwayne Johnson keeps a photo of his high school band section taped inside the locker? And now, our halftime TV game show Family Feud on Fourth Down! To win a fantasy league trophy engraved with somebody else's name, text BLITZ to 555-0351 and answer this question: 'What is the plural of a guy named Chad in a fantasy league?' The kick is up. Third quarter is officially live.

PATIENCE from Dwayne Johnson, one beat longer, then the release, and Trent Williams is running behind a wall of humanity all the way out to the 50! Jet sweep to the right, Trent Williams on the handoff, gain of nine to the thirty-two. The head coach waved the punt team off the field and put the season on Trey McBride. Fourth down, no dice -- and the other offense starts at the 41.

This place is SHAKING! Walter Payton has been living in that backfield all night and every soul in here knows it! That is a killer. Walter Payton turns late, the receiver runs through him, and the flag is in the air before the ball comes down. The chains kept moving and nothing we tried slowed it down. Fourteen plays, seven minutes off the clock, and Dallas Hole-In-The-Roof finishes the drive with six.

LOOK at that pocket! C. J. Stroud has built a living room back there and his quarterback is choosing a target at his own pace! Fourth and 6 at the 15, field goal unit on, C. J. Stroud converts from 33. Three points.

Up onto the padded barrier in front of the first row, both feet off the turf, and C. J. Stroud vanishes into a crush of jerseys and spilled beer. Two fans have him by the shoulder pads and are not letting go. He drops back onto the grass with somebody's foam finger and no idea whose it is. The Dallas Hole-In-The-Roof sideline watches this with the expression of men attending a funeral.

Yellow laundry deep in the secondary, and it is on Penei Sewell. Pass interference, and the ball travels all the way down to the twenty. Play action freezes our linebackers, the tight end slips out behind them, and Dallas Hole-In-The-Roof scores with nobody in the picture. That is a bust, plain and simple.

The opposing quarterback held it one beat too long, and Penei Sewell made him pay twice -- once for the loss, once for the football. Their corner had the angle and the leverage and it bought him absolutely nothing. That is a coverage player finding out Penei Sewell hits forty pounds heavier than the scouting report said. Screen game to the field side. Penei Sewell follows the guard, cuts off his hip at the thirty and finishes it untouched. Kenneth Walker III taps the point after through and this one is academic. Seven on the board.

Penei Sewell mimes lifting an enormous, impossibly heavy trophy off the turf -- knees bent, back straight, veins popping. It takes him four seconds to get it overhead. Kenneth Walker III spots him like a training partner. They parade it around the end zone and hand it, ceremonially, to the referee, who does not accept it.

Helmets on the turf, referees buried in the middle of it, Dexter Lawrence disqualified. Whatever this game was about ten seconds ago, it is about something else now. Dallas Hole-In-The-Roof goes deep on third and long and our safety arrives about a half second late. Fifty-two yards, and you can hear the concourse from here.

Larry Allen extends all the way, snags it in the palm, and somehow gets both feet down in the same motion. That is absurd. The drive dies at the 12, but Larry Allen makes sure it was not a wasted trip down the field.

Incomplete. Dexter Lawrence breaks it up on third down, and the punt unit starts to jog on. Count them up, there are TWELVE out there! Kenneth Walker III never got the signal to come off, and that is five yards! Screen pass, one missed tackle at the thirty, and Dallas Hole-In-The-Roof is gone. That is a fundamentals problem, and the fundamentals are ours to fix.

This is the zone beater. Dwayne Johnson freezes the deep defender with one hard look, and the crosser runs into the grass that man just gave up. Trey McBride lets it fly from his own 44. It comes down inside a crowd of eight, gets slapped away at the goal line, and hits the grass. Incomplete.

Larry Allen pulls his hood up in the tunnel. Dwayne Johnson has no hood and nowhere to hide. And here is the answer to our game Family Feud on Fourth Down! Dewey Hackleberry of Cinder Block, Illinois, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the plural of a guy named Chad in a fantasy league?' The answer was of course a commissioner, and you only need two of them to form one. Dewey takes home a fantasy league trophy engraved with somebody else's name! I have been chewing the same piece of gum since the opening kickoff. It has no flavor and no future. That's our program. Stay with us for 'Impractical Jokers: Reading the Terms of Service Out Loud in Public.'

Journée 13 — vs Green Bay Shareholders

22-28 (D)

Ugly scene. Cam Skattebo is out of the game, the network has stopped showing replays, and the head coach is walking his own players back one at a time. Green Bay Shareholders goes deep on third and long and our safety arrives about a half second late. Fifty-two yards, and you can hear the concourse from here.

TOUCHDOWN! Dwayne Johnson puts it on a rope and Kenneth Walker III squeezes it in with a defender draped all over his back! Everything on this drive now rides on one frame of tape. C. J. Stroud is on the sideline, helmet off, eyes locked on the big board. This entire building celebrated for ninety seconds and is now studying a still frame of one left cleat belonging to C. J. Stroud.

That is a killer. Dexter Lawrence turns late, the receiver runs through him, and the flag is in the air before the ball comes down. Ohhh, that one hurts. Green Bay Shareholders runs the same counter they have run all afternoon, the backside end crashes again, and it is a touchdown.

That is a rhythm killer. Dexter Lawrence jumps the count and now it is second and long with half the play sheet unusable. Body catch instead of hands, and the football hits the shoulder pad and pops straight back up in the air. Dexter Lawrence had that one measured from ten yards out. The ball leaves the foot of Trent Williams and disappears into the lights for what feels like a full commercial break.

Trey McBride jukes at the twenty-five, picks up eleven more, brought down at the fourteen. They are looking at two things on the Trey McBride play: possession all the way through the ground, and whether the knee was down before the football came out. The coaching staff saw it live before anybody else -- Trey McBride got the second foot down inbounds and the field official was straightlined on it. Watch the corner hips -- he is in phase, he is doing everything the coaching staff asked, and Trey McBride beats him anyway because the ball goes where coverage cannot live.

The horn sounds on the second quarter. Trent Williams pulls the helmet off before he even reaches the sideline. Anecdote: the locker room fined Trent Williams for singing along to a halftime show. Out loud. On camera. And now, our halftime TV game show Fear Factor Porta-Potty Round! To win an air freshener shaped like a pine tree, expired since the Clinton years, text BLITZ to 555-0225 and answer this question: 'What is the temperature inside a portable toilet in September?' Second half. The tunnel is empty, the field is full.

Hear that? Cam Skattebo gets home in two seconds flat, and now they have to hand us the football on a free kick from their own twenty!

This place is SHAKING! Kenneth Walker III has been living in that backfield all night and every soul in here knows it! Interference on Kenneth Walker III. Automatic first down, the drive stays alive, and this defense has to line up all over again. Play action freezes our linebackers, the tight end slips out behind them, and Green Bay Shareholders scores with nobody in the picture. That is a bust, plain and simple.

Dwayne Johnson points out the mike linebacker, changes the call with eight seconds showing, and the offense resets its feet. HE BURIED HIM! Dwayne Johnson drove him fifteen yards downfield and finished him flat on his back inside the numbers, and Penei Sewell is STILL running! There is no elegance in that play and there is not supposed to be. Eleven bodies pushing in one direction, and Penei Sewell carries the football to the right side of a white line. Somewhere on that sideline a coordinator is doing arithmetic nobody ever wants to do, all because C. J. Stroud clanged the easiest kick in football.

Draw play, and the rush runs itself right past Trent Williams. That call was in the game plan for exactly this front. THE BALL IS OUT! Trent Williams loses it at the 34, there is a scrum at the bottom of the pile, and it is the wrong colored jersey that comes up holding it.

That jump cut from Penei Sewell is filthy. The tackler committed his weight and there is no way to get it back. Second and goal from the four. Inside zone, Penei Sewell presses the edge, cuts it up underneath and gets in. Touchdown. The 33-yard extra point stopped being free a long time ago, but C. J. Stroud still treats it like it is. Right down the pipe.

Penei Sewell hurdles a downed defender on the way in, and once he is over the line he turns around and hurdles DeVonta Smith for good measure. DeVonta Smith was not warned. He was crouching to tie a shoe. This is on every highlight package in the country and it is not even the touchdown that is the story.

BLOWN UP IN THE BACKFIELD! C. J. Stroud shoots the A-gap and drops him four yards behind the line of scrimmage! IT IS A HEADCOUNT! Somebody on this sideline needs a clicker, because the official counted twice before he threw it at C. J. Stroud! Second time in three drives. Green Bay Shareholders punches it in from the two and our front seven is standing there with hands on knees.

Ball on the 20, clock under two, and Dwayne Johnson jogs out there like this whole afternoon was scripted for him. Eighty yards. One drive. Here we go. Nobody is catching him! Dexter Lawrence authored five yards of that play and Dwayne Johnson wrote the other forty himself. The sideline is coming apart. Through the uprights! Kenneth Walker III adds the point after and the lead grows by one.

Dwayne Johnson turns to the corner section, lifts both arms slowly, and starts a wave. It clears the end zone, climbs the upper deck, comes all the way around the far side and finds him again, and he sends it straight back out. Three full laps. The extra point unit is standing on the field and the officials are waiting and nobody in this building is willing to be the one who lets it die.

Dwayne Johnson whispers that they had it. Cam Skattebo whispers back that they did. Neither one feels better. And here is the answer to our game Fear Factor Porta-Potty Round! Norbert Fussell of Sulphur Bend, Nevada, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the temperature inside a portable toilet in September?' The answer was of course exactly one degree warmer than a person can discuss politely. Norbert takes home an air freshener shaped like a pine tree, expired since the Clinton years! I learned tonight that Dwayne Johnson used to be a volunteer firefighter. Suddenly the footwork makes a lot more sense. Good night out there. Next: 'Below Deck: A Canoe on a Municipal Pond.' Tensions run high.

Journée 14 — vs Buffalo Table-Breakers

34-42 (D)

Kenneth Walker III met that running back in a phone booth, and there was only ever room for one of them. Five yards marched off. Kenneth Walker III was the twelfth man, and a third and 6 just turned into third and 1 for them. Second time in three drives. Buffalo Table-Breakers punches it in from the two and our front seven is standing there with hands on knees.

The signal came down from the box far too late. Dwayne Johnson could not match the personnel to the look, and there is no shame at all in saving the yardage. Double team up to the linebacker, Dwayne Johnson climbs to the second level, and the running back has not been touched behind the line all half. Fourth and 6 at the 15, field goal unit on, Dwayne Johnson converts from 33. Three points.

Dwayne Johnson mimes an enormous phone call from behind the goalpost, pointing at the ball, nodding seriously, holding up one finger to ask the crowd for quiet. Nobody quiets. He says a few words into his hand and hangs up. DeVonta Smith takes the imaginary phone next and gets flagged for a call that lasted too long.

This place is SHAKING! Cam Skattebo has been living in that backfield all night and every soul in here knows it! Pure technique breakdown: Cam Skattebo never got his head around, and in this league that is a guaranteed thirty-yard donation. Field position, then penalties, then the score. Buffalo Table-Breakers has taken this game away from us one small mistake at a time.

The throw from Dwayne Johnson and the catch that answers it are the same conversation, held at eighteen yards, in a language nobody else on this field speaks. Fourth and goal, football on the one. Larry Allen gets it on the dive, climbs the back of his own center, and the officials put both arms straight up. Hold is upright, the spot never moves an inch, and Trey McBride hits it flush. Nothing about that operation was rushed.

He was beaten by a full step and it did not matter. Dexter Lawrence recovers, finds the ball late, and rakes it out at the catch point. Run the tape back on the substitution: Penei Sewell steps in, the call changes, and nobody waves him back. That is the whole penalty in one clip. And the flag gets picked up. Buffalo Table-Breakers keeps the touchdown, our sideline is screaming at the officials, and the scoreboard does not care one bit.

The room settles. Kenneth Walker III pulls a hoodie over the pads and yanks the strings tight. One from the archives: Kenneth Walker III once conducted the visiting fight song from the sideline. Nobody stopped it. Nobody has ever explained why. And now, our halftime TV game show Medium Rollers! To win a set of dice from a casino that became a carpet outlet, text BLITZ to 555-2241 and answer this question: 'How many times can a man say he is due before the dice hear him?' Second-half kickoff. Everything from here counts double. Or it certainly feels that way.

Three-step drop, hitch route, and DeVonta Smith was sitting on it the whole quarter. He has been baiting that throw since the opening series. Play action, quick game off it from Dwayne Johnson, and DeVonta Smith has a free release into the flat with nobody within five yards. Six on the board. Penei Sewell converts. Seven points on the drive.

Twelve men on the field. C. J. Stroud jogs off shaking his head, and the penalty is exactly what it looked like. Buffalo Table-Breakers goes deep on third and long and our safety arrives about a half second late. Fifty-two yards, and you can hear the concourse from here.

The whole front flows inside and Trent Williams takes it the other way around the corner. Nobody set the edge, nobody had contain. Perfect ball from Dwayne Johnson, right in the bread basket, and Trent Williams DROPS IT. You cannot give one back like that. Dwayne Johnson threads it between the numbers and the paint, and the football just lies down and goes to sleep inside the five.

Dwayne Johnson put that football on the white paint, which is the football version of hanging up before a meeting runs long. He has GOT the corner! Their edge defender is on the ground, their safety takes the wrong angle, and nobody touches Kenneth Walker III until the numbers! The unglamorous guy finally gets his! Kenneth Walker III blocked on eleven straight snaps and then walked into the end zone on the twelfth. He EARNED that football. Through the uprights! Penei Sewell adds the point after and the lead grows by one.

Screen pass, one missed tackle at the thirty, and Buffalo Table-Breakers is gone. That is a fundamentals problem, and the fundamentals are ours to fix.

One tick left on the play clock. Dwayne Johnson calls it, the officials grant it, and the offense finally gets to breathe. This is the throw that separates arms. Dwayne Johnson has to beat a corner driving downhill from ten yards away, and he beats him with pure velocity. No wind, no pressure off the edge, no doubt from Kenneth Walker III. Down the middle from 36.

Yellow laundry deep in the secondary, and it is on DeVonta Smith. Pass interference, and the ball travels all the way down to the twenty. Back shoulder fade at the pylon, and Buffalo Table-Breakers comes down with it over a defender who had inside leverage and nothing behind him. Perfectly placed, and this one is on us.

This is the hardest tackle in football and DeVonta Smith makes it look routine: break down, chop the feet, wrap and drive. They wanted the seam. DeVonta Smith took the seam, took the football, and took eleven yards back the other way before the whistle. TAKE THE TOP OFF! Dwayne Johnson steps into the throw and hits DeVonta Smith in stride at the twenty-five with nothing but painted grass in front of him! Cam Skattebo jogs on, kicks it through, jogs off. If you blinked you missed the whole thing, and that is exactly the idea.

THEY GOT IT! Dexter Lawrence comes up with the onside kick and this football game is not over! You can play flawless coverage in this league and lose the down anyway. Dexter Lawrence just proved it in front of everybody.

Dwayne Johnson peels the tape off his wrists in silence. Trent Williams leaves his on. Cannot be bothered. And here is the answer to our game show Medium Rollers! Verlene Tolliver of Bootjack Springs, Nevada, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many times can a man say he is due before the dice hear him?' The answer was of course three, and the fourth time is no longer a habit but a personality. Verlene therefore wins a set of dice from a casino that became a carpet outlet! Your favorite commentator made it to the final whistle. Voice gone, notes destroyed, extremely happy about all of it. That's all from us. And now, 'Antiques Roadshow: A Charger That Fits Nothing.' Estimated value: zero.

Journée 15 — vs Philadelphia Pole-Greasers

27-41 (D)

Loss of four. Dexter Lawrence makes the stop, the chains do not move, and their sideline is already talking about field goal range. Clean snap, laces out, and the kick is pure. Philadelphia Pole-Greasers is on the board, and there is nothing to complain about there -- that was textbook.

Give it to him twenty-two times and this is what you get. Trent Williams punished that front all afternoon and cashed it in from six yards out. What a finish. Official review. The Trey McBride play. Both coordinators are out on the numbers with their call sheets rolled up in a fist. Confirmed! Put it on the scoreboard for Trey McBride and let this place shake for a minute. Kenneth Walker III jogs on, kicks it through, jogs off. If you blinked you missed the whole thing, and that is exactly the idea.

Trey McBride walks to the back line of the end zone, turns his back on the entire stadium, folds his arms across his chest and falls straight backward. Six men get there in time. Two of them were not looking. He lands a solid foot lower than he should have and comes up laughing too hard to stand up straight.

Back-shoulder, and Cam Skattebo smells it coming. He plants, opens the hips, and knocks it away in the corner of the end zone. Trey McBride was one body too many, and the umpire had him tagged before the football ever moved. Six for Philadelphia Pole-Greasers. Nobody carried the crosser, and that was a walk-in from twelve yards out.

He played the eyes the entire way. DeVonta Smith never looked at the receiver -- he broke on the shoulder turn and the football came to him. Three hands on him, and DeVonta Smith rotates clean out of the wreckage and comes out the far side of it still climbing. THAT IS GOOD, AND IT WAS NEVER ANYTHING ELSE! DeVonta Smith from 29 and that ball never wobbles once.

DeVonta Smith mimes an enormous phone call from behind the goalpost, pointing at the ball, nodding seriously, holding up one finger to ask the crowd for quiet. Nobody quiets. He says a few words into his hand and hangs up. Walter Payton takes the imaginary phone next and gets flagged for a call that lasted too long.

Pure technique breakdown: Walter Payton never got his head around, and in this league that is a guaranteed thirty-yard donation. And the flag gets picked up. Philadelphia Pole-Greasers keeps the touchdown, our sideline is screaming at the officials, and the scoreboard does not care one bit.

Second quarter over. Larry Allen takes the marker and adds two lines to the coach's diagram. Anecdote: Larry Allen was a ball boy in a stadium like this at eleven years old. Same tunnel, different job. And now, our halftime TV game show Temptation Peninsula! To win a week at a lakeside cabin with no lake and no cabin, text BLITZ to 555-2337 and answer this question: 'How many nacho trays can one person carry before the crowd starts asking questions?' The return unit sets its wall. The kick is on the way.

You do not grab a man by the facemask in prime time and expect to get away with it. Trey McBride just turned three yards into eighteen. Hands up, ball down, offense jogs back with nothing. Trey McBride points at the line, and the right guard just nods. That is not a punt, that is a dart. Cam Skattebo drops it on the sideline like somebody left him a chalk mark out there.

Penetration on the strong side by Kenneth Walker III, the pulling guard grabs nothing but air, and the whole run concept dies on the hash marks. This one is on the headsets, not the player. Kenneth Walker III was sent out for a package that got waved off two seconds too late. Back shoulder fade at the pylon, and Philadelphia Pole-Greasers comes down with it over a defender who had inside leverage and nothing behind him. Perfectly placed, and this one is on us.

Third and 9, they pick up 6. Penei Sewell closes the door in space and the punt team comes on. Turnover! Penei Sewell punches it out at the top of the drop, then falls on his own mess at the 31-yard line. Penei Sewell went into that pile the way you wade into cold surf, and he came out the other side dragging two defenders across the line with him. Hold is upright, the spot never moves an inch, and Trent Williams hits it flush. Nothing about that operation was rushed.

Slow, deliberate, ceremonial: Penei Sewell places the football on the goal line, straightens it twice, then steps back and salutes it. The bench salutes with him. Fourteen men at attention over a football. The referee has to break the formation up personally.

Ohhh, that one hurts. Philadelphia Pole-Greasers runs the same counter they have run all afternoon, the backside end crashes again, and it is a touchdown.

Three-step drop, hitch route, and Trent Williams was sitting on it the whole quarter. He has been baiting that throw since the opening series. Escort service! Trent Williams is out in front of Penei Sewell and the ball carrier does not have to make a single cut until he is fifteen yards downfield! From 51, on the road, into the open end of this stadium. Penei Sewell makes it. Three points.

The touchdown is barely over the line before Penei Sewell is on one knee, ball held out in front of him, proposing to Walter Payton. Walter Payton covers his mouth with both hands, nods, then falls backward into the arms of three linemen. This is a bit they have run since training camp and it kills every single time.

Sack number, oh, does it even matter now? Trent Williams gets there AGAIN, and their right tackle is still looking for his helmet. Trent Williams was in a footrace he had already lost, so he tried to slow the traffic. The officials do not accept that excuse. Play action freezes our linebackers, the tight end slips out behind them, and Philadelphia Pole-Greasers scores with nobody in the picture. That is a bust, plain and simple.

They came back to the inside zone that worked in the first quarter. Dexter Lawrence adjusted the fit, took the cutback lane away, and it died on contact. Splits the uprights. Philadelphia Pole-Greasers settles for three, and we will take that trade every single time after where that drive started.

Dwayne Johnson steps into that huddle the way you step into cold water: one breath, then all the way in. Eighty yards of unfinished business. This is what happens when you play that soft on third and three. Dexter Lawrence takes the free completion, Dwayne Johnson makes the first man miss, and the alley is empty. Walter Payton works so fast that the crowd is still chanting about the touchdown when the football is already through.

Dwayne Johnson shakes the referee's hand out of pure habit. Trent Williams watches and does not follow. And here is the answer to our game show Temptation Peninsula! Bufford Nance Ellard of Pelican Neck, Florida, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many nacho trays can one person carry before the crowd starts asking questions?' The answer was of course four, and the fourth one is a cry for help. Bufford therefore wins a week at a lakeside cabin with no lake and no cabin! Tonight I dropped my binoculars on my own foot. Twice. Same foot. That's a wrap on tonight. And now, 'Cold Case: The Umbrella I Left on a Train in 2019.'