Meu cinco inicial dos sonhos — basketball_team 🇧🇷
5 membros · TeamBranch
Diário da temporada
Classificação
| # | Team | V | D | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | My Team | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pré-temporada
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Shaquille O'Neal! Picture this: standing at 216 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Darth Vader is on this team. Darth Vader, who is a sith and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. The budget is starting to look serious. We're no longer in the cheap seats, they've finally got a payroll that lets them look other franchises in the eye. The roster is balanced, there's talent at every position, and the bench isn't a cosmic void anymore. But they're dancing right on the luxury tax line, so every signing is an apothecary's calculation. A blockbuster trade? Possible, but something's gotta give. It's chess, and the GM is a pretty damn good player.
Jornada 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
101-97 (V)
The game begins and Darth Vader is ready! You can see pure God-given talent written all over his face!
LeBron James plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this absolute legend!
LeBron James, this walking skyscraper, can't get a deep three to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
This living legend LeBron James does it again! A thunderous slam with effortless precision!
Dick Grayson sets the screen with precision worthy of their bare hands! Tactical genius!
First half is done. Darth Vader is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Quick anecdote about Darth Vader: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
LeBron James, this tree of a man, scores the go-ahead! An off-balance shot! Heart of a champion!
Superman locks down their opponent! Tight as a super-herói gripping their bare hands!
Darth Vader, this tower, gets the standing ovation! A boiling cauldron!
Dick Grayson with a pull-up jumper in the final minute! The super-herói's last the game of the day!
Shaquille O'Neal sits on the bench with a smile! This franchise cornerstone job well done!
LeBron James, Dick Grayson, and Darth Vader pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Jornada 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
115-101 (V)
The floor welcomes Darth Vader! The sith with the game has arrived!
LeBron James scores at will! A buzzer-beater on the low block! This basketball god domination!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
LeBron James threads the needle! Beautiful assist at half court! Unreal court vision!
Shaquille O'Neal slows the pace when the team needs it! This undisputed superstar tempo control!
The locker room fills up. Darth Vader has already eaten three oranges. Confession: Darth Vader believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Superman hits the pull-up jumper! The elevation of a super-herói lifting their bare hands!
Kids in the stands mimic Darth Vader's competing celebration! Adorable!
This basketball god Superman motivates the squad in the huddle! Natural leader!
Shaquille O'Neal, this beanpole, makes a statement! This absolute legend is here to stay!
Darth Vader with the game ball! Earned it the hard way, sith style!
Superman does a backflip. Well, he tries. Darth Vader applauds the effort. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Jornada 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
119-85 (V)
LeBron James lets fly into position! This first-ballot legend not wasting any time!
Superman scores off the glass! Bank shot precision of a super-herói!
LeBron James reads the defense like a book! Assist from the right corner! Pure God-given talent!
Dick Grayson, this all-around player, showcases scary good handles with a gorgeous pull-up jumper!
Dick Grayson strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
Rest. Superman buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. The staff told me Superman sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Shaquille O'Neal penetrates through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Dick Grayson with the dagger in the blowout! Overkill! The super-herói showed no mercy!
Shaquille O'Neal blows past the wrong way on offense! This potential GOAT needs a GPS!
LeBron James pumps the fist! This franchise cornerstone feeling it at half court! A salute to the fans!
Dick Grayson, this solid pro, soaks in the moment! Victory along the baseline! A victory dance!
Superman and Darth Vader run circles around Shaquille O'Neal who doesn't move. Zen. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Jornada 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
113-107 (V)
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James catches the Spalding early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Shaquille O'Neal, this franchise cornerstone, reads the play perfectly and delivers a half-court heave!
Dick Grayson with a crucial offensive board! The reflexes of a super-herói catching the game!
Darth Vader, this hall-of-fame lock, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
Superman uses that super-herói IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
Break! Superman has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Juicy intel: Superman turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Dick Grayson with the step-back double-clutch layup! Creating space like a super-herói with their bare hands!
Dick Grayson salutes the fans! Saluting the crowd, the super-herói signs off in style!
Superman takes the blame for the mistake! This all-time great protecting teammates!
They said a super-herói couldn't play at this level. Superman and their bare hands disagree!
Superman hugs the coach! This living legend with a complete performance!
Dick Grayson does the floss while Darth Vader spins like a top. Shaquille O'Neal just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Jornada 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
107-89 (V)
Dick Grayson gets the starting nod! A super-herói starting with their bare hands confidence!
Superman goes coast to coast for a thunderous slam! This undisputed superstar is relentless!
Darth Vader swats it away! A sky-high block with that sith strength!
Shaquille O'Neal with the transition assist! This franchise cornerstone pushing the pace with natural-born leadership!
Dick Grayson, this do-it-all player, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Break! Shaquille O'Neal has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. I've been told Shaquille O'Neal once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Superman scores a bank shot! Their bare hands by day, buckets by night!
What a sold-out gym on fire! LeBron James and the fans creating a spectacle!
Darth Vader, this big fella, sets the perfect screen! Iron discipline for the team!
Darth Vader, this guy with rings on every finger, has been building to this all game! On a strategic timeout!
Superman, this tweener, celebrates the win! A victory dance! What a game!
LeBron James takes a bow for the crowd. Superman bows to LeBron James. The nobility of basketball. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Jornada 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
117-100 (V)
This absolute legend Shaquille O'Neal in the starting lineup! Let's see what this absolute legend brings!
LeBron James, this long boy, muscles in for a two-handed slam! Pure power!
LeBron James picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
Shaquille O'Neal, this walking skyscraper, finds the trailer! A pull-up jumper off the assist, easy money!
Darth Vader makes the hockey assist! The unsung play of a sith behind the game!
Halftime! Darth Vader is limping slightly heading off the court. Did you know Darth Vader knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Los Angeles Nursing-Home's colors. By accident, obviously. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
LeBron James, this tower, glides to from mid-range for a silky scoop layup!
A standing ovation as Shaquille O'Neal, this mammoth, is introduced! Goosebumps!
Shaquille O'Neal, this absolute unit, repositions on defense! Scary good handles collective effort!
Darth Vader's sith background shines through every play with the game!
Shaquille O'Neal can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Darth Vader charges toward the crowd. LeBron James catches him just before he dives into the stands. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Jornada 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
111-101 (V)
LeBron James drives onto the floor! The crowd roars for this franchise cornerstone!
The technical flair of Superman recalls their super-herói days. A pull-up jumper! Sublime!
Dick Grayson takes the charge! Tough as nails, that's a super-herói who doesn't back down!
This living legend Shaquille O'Neal creates for others! Unselfish play with an unmatched feel for the game!
Shaquille O'Neal drives to the weak side! This global icon exploiting the rotation!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Darth Vader asks for an ice pack. Rumor has it Darth Vader does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Superman with the highlight-reel layup! This undisputed superstar owning the moment!
Fans hold up the game signs for Darth Vader! What a scene!
This potential GOAT LeBron James unites the locker room! Pure God-given talent captain's mentality!
The legend of Dick Grayson grows! This dude putting the league on notice adding another chapter on the low block!
This franchise cornerstone Shaquille O'Neal led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Dick Grayson runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Dick Grayson's name. Forgive me. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Jornada 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
111-103 (V)
Dick Grayson, this legit talent, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Superman explodes the ball with natural-born leadership. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Superman sprints to close out! An iron-wall defense from the left corner! Great effort!
This all-time great Shaquille O'Neal exploits the gap! Dime to the corner for a free throw!
Superman overloads one side! Loading up with super-herói strategy!
Back to the locker room. LeBron James's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Small detail: LeBron James whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Darth Vader floats one in driving to the hoop! Delicate as a sith with their bare hands!
The crowd is on its feet! A roaring arena as Superman takes the court!
Darth Vader holds the huddle together! That sith leadership on full display!
This all-time great Shaquille O'Neal silences the noise! Insane court vision locked in! Nothing else matters!
Dick Grayson, this solid pro, embraces the teammates! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! Sweet victory!
LeBron James does a belly slide on the court. Darth Vader does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Jornada 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
114-100 (V)
Dick Grayson sets the tone early! The super-herói came to play tonight!
Dick Grayson, this solid pro, drills another two-handed slam on the low block! Automatic!
Darth Vader guards the perimeter! Patrolling with sith vigilance!
Shaquille O'Neal pulls up and dishes! Gorgeous feed from mid-range! A killer instinct!
Shaquille O'Neal, this all-time great, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Off to the locker room. LeBron James has already drained two water bottles. Locker room intel: LeBron James has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Dick Grayson spins and scores! Pivoting like they pivot with their bare hands at work!
Dick Grayson, this solid pro, plays to the crowd! A hostile crowd is contagious!
Darth Vader sacrifices the body taking the charge! This undisputed superstar ultimate teammate!
This global icon Superman digs deep! Finding reserves nobody knew existed!
LeBron James dishes to the crowd! A chest bump! This certified GOAT candidate gave everything!
Dick Grayson makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. Darth Vader makes the 'call us' gesture. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Dick Grayson's name. Forgive me. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Jornada 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
116-91 (V)
And we're underway! Dick Grayson touches the Spalding first! This solid pro looks eager!
Darth Vader lets fly and delivers a pull-up jumper! Their bare hands by day, buckets by night!
Shaquille O'Neal rejects the layup! A crucial offensive board by this oversized freak! Get that out!
Superman picks apart the defense! Assist leads to an alley-oop!
This all-time great LeBron James calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Halftime whistle. Dick Grayson spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Staff confession: Dick Grayson is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
This global icon Superman is automatic under the basket! A bucket drops again!
This guy with rings on every finger Shaquille O'Neal has the arena rocking! A cathedral silence off the charts!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
This absolute legend Shaquille O'Neal with a performance for the ages! A live masterclass chapter!
Superman finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers a super-herói would be proud of!
Darth Vader rips the net off the rim. Superman wraps it around his neck like a scarf. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Jornada 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
93-99 (D)
Dick Grayson locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a super-herói who means business!
This franchise cornerstone Darth Vader misfires again! Hot head could cost the team!
Dick Grayson throws it away! A pass worse than a super-herói tossing the game!
Superman beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the game slipping from a super-herói!
Shaquille O'Neal, this hall-of-fame lock, operates from way beyond the arc with a reverse layup! Clinic!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Darth Vader asks for an ice pack. True story: Darth Vader walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against New York Over-Timers. Awkward. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Superman, this swiss-army-knife type, pounds the scorer's table! Injury-prone body on full display!
Dick Grayson misses the open look! This up-and-coming baller can't believe it! Lack of consistency!
LeBron James, this franchise cornerstone, manipulates the defense with the eyes! A gym-rat work ethic!
This dude putting the league on notice Dick Grayson has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Dick Grayson wipes a tear! A super-herói who poured everything into the effort!
Superman sits on the floor in the hallway. Shaquille O'Neal sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Jornada 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
99-100 (D)
This household name LeBron James comes out aggressive! Opens with a pull-up jumper in the paint!
Superman nails a free throw with the ease of a super-herói who competes the game. Natural!
Dick Grayson lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this legit talent fooled!
Dick Grayson can't finish! The super-herói who finishes the game can't finish the play!
LeBron James, this absolute legend, wills the team back! An unmatched feel for the game driving the comeback!
Break! Superman takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Physio's confession: Superman purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Superman gets blocked at with seconds left on the clock! Rejected harder than the game proposals!
Superman kicks the air! The frustration of a super-herói who knows they can do better!
Dick Grayson bridges two worlds: the game and a step-back three, bound by passion!
LeBron James attacks but can't score in the first quarter! Opportunity lost!
Dick Grayson, this versatile guy, hangs the head. Tough loss despite an off-the-charts basketball IQ effort.
LeBron James leaves the court at a jog. Dick Grayson stays there, planted at center court, motionless. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Jornada 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
96-121 (D)
This all-time great LeBron James comes out firing! An off-balance shot in the first minute!
Darth Vader misfires at the buzzer! Even this first-ballot legend has off nights!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, commits the travel! Ego the size of Texas in the footwork!
Darth Vader, this beanpole, fouls unnecessarily from the right corner! Lack of consistency!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James erupts for a euro-step! The floodgates are open!
End of the first half. LeBron James is beet red but still standing. Physio's confession: LeBron James purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Darth Vader stares in disbelief! The look of a sith who just lost everything!
This all-time great Shaquille O'Neal rattles it out! So close yet so far from the right corner!
Darth Vader uses a fast-break offense brilliantly! Strategy from competing the game!
Dick Grayson barely gets back on defense! Moving like a super-herói on a Friday afternoon!
This guy with rings on every finger Shaquille O'Neal tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Darth Vader's lip is trembling. LeBron James dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Jornada 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
89-103 (D)
This first-ballot legend Superman means business! Fast start on the low block!
Shaquille O'Neal rushes a bucket from the right corner! Hot head creeping in!
This living legend Shaquille O'Neal dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Darth Vader can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
An off-balance shot! Dick Grayson cannot be stopped tonight! This name that's buzzing is locked in!
Cut! Halftime. Shaquille O'Neal's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Rumor has it Shaquille O'Neal talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Shaquille O'Neal slams the rock in frustration! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
LeBron James, this towering presence, can't finish from the right corner! That one stings!
Darth Vader zones up! Defensive zone like a sith's the game zone!
Darth Vader, this all-time great, is dragging! The contest minutes taking their toll!
Shaquille O'Neal had the chances but couldn't convert. This franchise cornerstone left wanting.
Superman has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Darth Vader has aged ten years in forty minutes. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Jornada 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
90-115 (D)
LeBron James, this first-ballot legend, embraces the cathedral silence! Game on!
LeBron James, this oversized freak, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this guy with rings on every finger!
Superman loses the Spalding! A super-herói would never be this careless!
Darth Vader bites on the fake! Fooled like a sith by counterfeit the game!
Dick Grayson goes to work the basketball into a layup! Freakish explosiveness shining through!
Back in the locker room, Dick Grayson sits down and stares at the ceiling. Did you know Dick Grayson started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
This generational talent Superman stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
This generational talent LeBron James muscles up a bucket but can't get it to fall!
Darth Vader makes the right read! Saw it coming a mile away, true sith!
Shaquille O'Neal, this absolute unit, laboring up and down! Ego the size of Texas draining the energy!
This absolute legend Shaquille O'Neal leaves the palace of hoops with head held high. Fought to the end.
Darth Vader scratches the back of his neck nervously. Superman has the look of someone who has seen things. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Diário da temporada
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