O meu cinco ideal — basketball_team 🇵🇹
5 membros · TeamBranch
Diário da temporada
Classificação
| # | Team | V | D | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Miami Heart-Attack | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pré-temporada
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. Homem de Ferro. The man. The beast. Standing at 6 cm, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight. The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Son Goku. An agricultor in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles transplantador de sementes better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Son Goku has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat solo persistente and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
Jornada 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
79-124 (D)
Tip-off! Son Goku gets us started! Let's go!
Son Goku skips it off the rim! The solo persistente has better hop than that!
Naruto Uzumaki with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
Sonic the Hedgehog gambles for the steal and pays the price! Sometimes predictable game!
Sonic the Hedgehog can't mask the disappointment! This max-contract guy wearing it on the sleeve!
The players head to the locker room. Homem de Ferro is sweating like a racehorse. Rumor has it Homem de Ferro tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Sonic the Hedgehog, this combo guard, loses the handle and the opportunity! Hot head!
Naruto Uzumaki lets fly a step slower than usual! Heavy feet in the tank!
Son Goku throws it away! A pass worse than an agricultor tossing the solo persistente!
Homem de Ferro is visibly upset! Upset as a super-herói when the game goes sideways!
Naruto Uzumaki, this combo guard, trudges off the arena. Lessons to take from this one.
Son Goku hurls his water bottle at the wall. Naruto Uzumaki flinches but doesn't react. I learned backstage that Naruto Uzumaki also does volunteer firefighter on weekends. That explains those reflexes. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Jornada 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
89-133 (D)
Son Goku huddles with the team! Huddling up, the agricultor strategizes!
Son Goku, this swiss-army-knife type, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Injury-prone body!
Naruto Uzumaki gets picked! A ninja getting the game stolen in broad daylight!
Naruto Uzumaki bites on the fake! Fooled like a ninja by counterfeit the game!
Son Goku argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to cultivarring the solo persistente!
Halftime! Sonic the Hedgehog looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Exclusive info: Sonic the Hedgehog is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Thanos, this smooth operator, gets stuffed trying a bank shot! Denied!
Thanos, this do-it-all player, looks exhausted in transition! The legs are gone!
Son Goku throws it away! Tendency to rush under pressure at half court!
Sonic the Hedgehog, this do-it-all player, throws the hands up! Exasperated back to the basket!
Son Goku leaves the court quietly! Quiet as an agricultor after the solo persistente setback!
Sonic the Hedgehog's gaze is cold, distant. Son Goku's gaze is hot, angry. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Jornada 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
81-125 (D)
Naruto Uzumaki locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a ninja who means business!
Sonic the Hedgehog, this top-tier talent, pulls the trigger from mid-range but no luck!
Sonic the Hedgehog with the backcourt violation! This bonafide star under too much pressure!
Homem de Ferro left in the dust! Even a super-herói moves faster than that!
Sonic the Hedgehog pulls up and kicks the stanchion! This max-contract guy losing composure!
Time to breathe. Sonic the Hedgehog has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Juicy anecdote: Sonic the Hedgehog was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Homem de Ferro bricks another one! Building something awful with their bare hands tonight!
Homem de Ferro labors up the court! Trudging like a super-herói dragging the game!
Sonic the Hedgehog tries to be too fancy and loses the basketball! Occasional mental lapses in the decision-making!
Homem de Ferro slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a super-herói hits the workbench!
Son Goku shoots past the media. This top-tier talent not in the mood to talk.
Sonic the Hedgehog punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Son Goku slides down the wall to the floor. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Jornada 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
86-131 (D)
Thanos, this combo guard, sets the tone immediately! Silky smooth technique from the jump!
Sonic the Hedgehog fires a catch-and-shoot triple facing the rim but can't connect! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
Son Goku, this do-it-all player, commits the travel! Shaky emotions under pressure in the footwork!
This franchise guy Son Goku can't recover! Scored on back to the basket! Lack of consistency!
Homem de Ferro picks up the second technical! This certified GOAT candidate ejected! Tendency to force bad shots!
Break. Sonic the Hedgehog collapses next to the vending machine. Fun fact: Sonic the Hedgehog blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Naruto Uzumaki, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the look from downtown but the lid's on the rim!
Homem de Ferro tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a super-herói's energy for the game!
Thanos with the errant pass! This guy nobody was talking about needs to settle down!
Son Goku slams the pill in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
This franchise guy Sonic the Hedgehog shakes hands and moves on. In the end, sometimes predictable game proved costly.
Son Goku's eyes are red, jaw tight. Homem de Ferro apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. Tonight I had a revelation: Homem de Ferro runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Jornada 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
77-122 (D)
This reliable star Sonic the Hedgehog comes out aggressive! Opens with a layup from way beyond the arc!
Son Goku with the contested buzzer-beater under the basket! No good! Bad selection!
Sonic the Hedgehog loses the leather in traffic! This franchise guy can't afford that!
Homem de Ferro beaten to the spot! Slower than a super-herói on a Monday morning!
Son Goku spins angrily after the turnover! This big-name player spiraling!
Halftime whistle. Son Goku flops into the first available chair. Intel: Son Goku once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Naruto Uzumaki forces a free throw off the pick and roll! This bonafide star trying too hard!
Homem de Ferro is gassed! More tired than after a full day of competing the game!
Son Goku, this tweener, gets called for the carry! Shaky emotions under pressure in ball-handling!
This raw talent Thanos shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
This reliable star Naruto Uzumaki tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Sonic the Hedgehog sits on the floor in the hallway. Thanos sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Jornada 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
87-131 (D)
Opening possession for Homem de Ferro! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
This guy nobody was talking about Thanos whiffs on an off-balance shot! The crowd groans!
Son Goku commits the live-ball turnover! The transplantador de sementes would be ashamed!
This surprise package Thanos bites on the fake! Beaten back to the basket!
Naruto Uzumaki sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a ninja after a long shift!
Halftime. Son Goku throws his towel on the floor walking in. Fun fact: Son Goku was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Son Goku can't score in the closing moments! This agricultor is way off tonight!
Homem de Ferro grabs the shorts! This guy with rings on every finger is running on fumes!
Son Goku blows past into a trap! Tendency to rush when reading the defense!
Naruto Uzumaki drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a ninja's spirit has limits!
Thanos, this newcomer, takes the loss hard. Occasional mental lapses at the wrong moments.
Homem de Ferro's eyes are glassy. Thanos mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Jornada 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
74-119 (D)
Son Goku wins the opening tip! Tipping off with agricultor energy!
This potential GOAT Homem de Ferro muscles up a finger roll but can't get it to fall!
Turnover by Son Goku! Cultivarring the solo persistente requires less coordination, clearly!
Sonic the Hedgehog gets crossed over! This world-class player left frozen at the top of the key!
Homem de Ferro kicks the air! The frustration of a super-herói who knows they can do better!
Halftime. Homem de Ferro wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. The staff told me Homem de Ferro sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Naruto Uzumaki rattles it out! Shaking the gymnasium with their bare hands intensity!
Sonic the Hedgehog, this tweener, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
This absolute legend Homem de Ferro loses concentration and the damn ball with it!
Sonic the Hedgehog posts up the towel! This bonafide star showing defense that's basically a suggestion!
Naruto Uzumaki walks off in defeat! Even a ninja's skills couldn't save tonight!
Sonic the Hedgehog and Thanos walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Jornada 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
74-118 (D)
Thanos, this all-around player, takes the court! The standing ovation is electric!
Homem de Ferro rushes a two-handed slam at the buzzer! Sometimes predictable game creeping in!
Intercepted! Son Goku's pass snatched right out of the air! An agricultor would never be that careless!
Sonic the Hedgehog gets caught flat-footed! This big-name player beaten to the spot!
Son Goku, this versatile guy, pounds the scorer's table! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Coach calls everyone back. Sonic the Hedgehog drags his feet toward the tunnel. True story: Sonic the Hedgehog had his parking spot stolen by Minnesota Ice-Wall's mascot. Still talks about it. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
A two-handed slam from Thanos hits the iron! Limited stamina under the spotlight!
Naruto Uzumaki, this do-it-all player, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Son Goku dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the agricultor's finest moment!
Homem de Ferro mouths off and picks up a T! Heavy feet taking over!
This unknown gem Thanos stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this unknown gem wanted.
Son Goku walks toward the tunnel without a word. Homem de Ferro stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Jornada 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
84-128 (D)
Game time! Thanos and this hidden prospect ready to put on a show at the den!
Thanos forces a bad double-clutch layup! This rising star needs to trust teammates!
Thanos with the lazy pass! Injury-prone body leading to easy points!
Naruto Uzumaki loses their assignment! Like losing their bare hands in the workshop!
Naruto Uzumaki storms to the bench! Heated! This ninja doesn't handle losing well!
End of the first half. Homem de Ferro is beet red but still standing. Anecdote: Homem de Ferro fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Son Goku misses the open look! An agricultor never misses the solo persistente... But misses the ball!
Son Goku plays through exhaustion! The endurance of cultivarring the solo persistente daily!
Homem de Ferro coughs it up! A super-herói's grip doesn't work on the orange!
Sonic the Hedgehog explodes away from the huddle! This established star in a dark place mentally!
Naruto Uzumaki had the chances but couldn't convert. This established star left wanting.
Naruto Uzumaki clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Thanos fidgets with his wristband nervously. Evening confession: I'm wearing Naruto Uzumaki's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Jornada 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
87-131 (D)
Son Goku looks dialed in from the start! Natural-born leadership preparation showing!
This established star Naruto Uzumaki with a rare miss in transition! Even the best stumble!
Sonic the Hedgehog, this swiss-army-knife type, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from the right corner!
Thanos, this tweener, gets exploited in the switch! Sometimes predictable game exposed in the mismatch!
Naruto Uzumaki tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the ninja will bounce back!
Cut! Halftime. Son Goku's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Exclusive info: Son Goku is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Son Goku shoots an air ball in a sold-out gym on fire! An agricultor lost in the noise!
Son Goku soldiers on! The soldier who cultivars the solo persistente with the transplantador de sementes!
This potential GOAT Homem de Ferro with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
This rising star Thanos stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Sonic the Hedgehog shoots to the tunnel in disappointment. This reliable star will learn from this.
Naruto Uzumaki sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Sonic the Hedgehog puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Jornada 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
89-134 (D)
This absolute legend Homem de Ferro catches the orange early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Son Goku can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this big-name player!
This guy nobody was talking about Thanos dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Homem de Ferro can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
Naruto Uzumaki, this all-around player, shows negative body language! Shaky emotions under pressure creeping in!
Halftime! Homem de Ferro walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Anecdote: Homem de Ferro fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Naruto Uzumaki short on the attempt! Needs the reach of their bare hands!
Son Goku digs deep! Deep as an agricultor digs into the solo persistente!
This hungry young player Thanos commits the 5-second violation! Clock management heavy feet!
Naruto Uzumaki pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The ninja in them is showing!
Sonic the Hedgehog sits alone on the bench. This headliner processing the defeat.
Sonic the Hedgehog leaves the court at a jog. Son Goku stays there, planted at center court, motionless. I learned tonight that Sonic the Hedgehog used to be a volunteer firefighter. That explains the unique running style. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Jornada 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
74-118 (D)
Homem de Ferro gets the starting nod! A super-herói starting with their bare hands confidence!
Thanos blows past and fires but misses everything! Limited stamina tonight!
Naruto Uzumaki dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a ninja like that!
Sonic the Hedgehog scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Hot head!
This certified GOAT candidate Homem de Ferro can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Into the tunnel. Sonic the Hedgehog grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Rumor has it Sonic the Hedgehog does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Homem de Ferro gets a clean look but tendency to force bad shots costs the bucket!
Naruto Uzumaki can barely run! The 4 periods of 12 minutes harder than the 4 periods of 12 minutes of competing the game!
This headliner Son Goku with turnover number lengths ahead! Heavy feet is piling up!
Homem de Ferro gets a technical for complaining! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Thanos walks off in silence. This unknown gem gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Thanos's gaze is cold, distant. Homem de Ferro's gaze is hot, angry. I learned tonight that Thanos used to be a volunteer firefighter. That explains the unique running style. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Jornada 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
73-118 (D)
This elite player Sonic the Hedgehog opens the scoring! A half-court heave! Early advantage!
Naruto Uzumaki misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their bare hands at the game!
Thanos coughs up the damn ball! Tendency to force bad shots strikes again in transition!
This top-tier talent Sonic the Hedgehog commits the and-one foul! Limited stamina in positioning!
This hall-of-fame lock Homem de Ferro gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Halftime. Naruto Uzumaki throws his towel on the floor walking in. Anecdote: Naruto Uzumaki lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
This All-Star caliber talent Son Goku misfires again! Hot head could cost the team!
Naruto Uzumaki gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like a ninja begging the game for mercy!
This world-class player Sonic the Hedgehog forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Naruto Uzumaki throws their hands up! Like a ninja when their bare hands breaks!
Thanos, this smooth operator, hangs the head. Tough loss despite night-in night-out consistency effort.
Naruto Uzumaki pulls his cap down over his eyes. Sonic the Hedgehog doesn't have a cap, and it shows. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Jornada 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
77-122 (D)
Son Goku penetrates onto the floor! The crowd roars for this All-Star caliber talent!
Brick! Sonic the Hedgehog misfires back to the basket! Lack of consistency at the worst time!
Son Goku loses possession! The solo persistente never leaves an agricultor's hands like that!
Son Goku beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the solo persistente slipping from an agricultor!
Son Goku buries their face! Hidden from view, the agricultor can't watch!
Halftime whistle. Naruto Uzumaki has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Intel: Naruto Uzumaki once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Sonic the Hedgehog misses the open look! This bonafide star can't believe it! Tendency to force bad shots!
Homem de Ferro mops their face! Sweating more than when competing the game!
Sonic the Hedgehog throws it into the stands! What was that from this bonafide star!
Thanos, this dark horse, refuses to high-five! Injury-prone body hurting the chemistry!
Homem de Ferro tips the cap to the winners! The super-herói's grace with the game!
Sonic the Hedgehog and Homem de Ferro walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Jornada 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
81-125 (D)
Homem de Ferro begins their shift on the hardwood! A super-herói starting the their bare hands shift!
Thanos posts up but the shot rims out! Occasional mental lapses rears its ugly head!
Sonic the Hedgehog spins into a dead end from mid-range! Turnover! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Naruto Uzumaki gets blown by! Even a ninja couldn't stop that!
Naruto Uzumaki glares at the orange! Like it personally betrayed this ninja!
That's a wrap for now. Son Goku dives into the tunnel. Confession: Son Goku tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Homem de Ferro off the back iron! Hard miss, even a super-herói cringes at that!
Thanos, this tweener, with tired legs from the left corner! Sometimes predictable game slowing this diamond in the rough down!
Homem de Ferro trips up in half court! A super-herói never trips at work... Right?
Sonic the Hedgehog, this headliner, with the frustrated foul! Lack of consistency in tough moments!
Thanos, this hidden prospect, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Son Goku lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Homem de Ferro holds his in. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Homem de Ferro.
Diário da temporada
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