My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇳🇿
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | My Team | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Phoenix No-Defense | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Shaquille O'Neal. Standing at 216 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket. The chef's surprise of the evening is Eren Yeager. A revolutionary by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. Let's address the elephant in the room: the budget is OBSCENE. We're so deep into the luxury tax that the team accountant quit, got replaced, and the replacement quit too. The owner doesn't give a damn, he wants the ring and he's willing to burn every last dollar to get it. The result? An absolute dream roster. Every name on this lineup card sends shivers down opponents' spines. It's like playing NBA 2K with the sliders maxed out. It's almost unfair. And tonight, it probably will be.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
76-120 (L)
This elite player Stephen Curry comes out aggressive! Opens with a tear drop from the left corner!
This hall-of-fame lock Shaquille O'Neal rattles it out! So close yet so far along the baseline!
Michael Jordan coughs up the ball! Tendency to rush strikes again facing the rim!
This basketball god Michael Jordan fouls reaching in! Limited stamina on defense!
Eren Yeager kicks the air! The frustration of a revolutionary who knows they can do better!
Back in the locker room, Izuku Midoriya sits down and stares at the ceiling. Little scoop: Izuku Midoriya collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Stephen Curry launches the orange but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Michael Jordan, this first-ballot legend, is dragging! The four quarters minutes taking their toll!
Stephen Curry with the errant pass! This franchise guy needs to settle down!
Shaquille O'Neal slams the Spalding in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!
Shaquille O'Neal spins to the tunnel in disappointment. This undisputed superstar will learn from this.
Michael Jordan's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Izuku Midoriya breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
125-97 (W)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan in the starting lineup! Let's see what this once-in-a-lifetime player brings!
Izuku Midoriya catches fire! And it's a finger roll! That dawg mentality taking over!
Michael Jordan picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
Shaquille O'Neal dunks and dishes! Gorgeous feed from the left corner! That dawg mentality!
Eren Yeager controls the glass! Board work as precise as a day job with their bare hands!
Halftime whistle! Stephen Curry grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Fun fact: Stephen Curry blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Eren Yeager banks a thunderous slam off the glass! Geometry learned from the revolutionary life!
The road crowd tries to rally but Michael Jordan silences them! Immense pressure!
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan dives for the loose ball! Night-in night-out consistency on every play!
Izuku Midoriya is writing the story tonight! This potential breakout star with a tear drop in transition!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, acknowledges the fans! Palpable tension! A raised fist!
Stephen Curry and Michael Jordan pretend to fish Izuku Midoriya out of the crowd. They pull hard. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
114-104 (W)
Michael Jordan, this colossus, announced to huge cheers! Immense pressure!
Michael Jordan strings together a step-back three from mid-range. Next-level basketball IQ on full display!
Michael Jordan draws the offensive foul! Smart play, great positioning!
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Eren Yeager exploits the mismatch! Finding weakness with their bare hands acumen!
The players file out. Stephen Curry exchanges a tense look with the coach. Locker room intel: Stephen Curry has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Izuku Midoriya, this all-around player, overpowers for a thunderous slam! Size matters!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Eren Yeager puts ego aside! The team comes first for this player on the come-up!
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan with a performance for the ages! A live masterclass chapter!
Eren Yeager, this tweener, celebrates the win! A team high-five! What a game!
Eren Yeager and Michael Jordan chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
112-104 (W)
Stephen Curry fires up the crowd to open the game! This world-class player starting strong!
This living legend Michael Jordan converts facing the rim! A half-court heave right on cue!
Izuku Midoriya reads the play perfectly! That superhero brain working overtime!
This franchise cornerstone Shaquille O'Neal creates for others! Unselfish play with pure God-given talent!
Michael Jordan spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Halftime whistle. Eren Yeager spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Anecdote: Eren Yeager once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
A bucket from Shaquille O'Neal on the low block! That's a certified bucket-getter!
You can feel a crowd fully behind them through the screen! Michael Jordan in the spotlight!
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
From their bare hands to a hook shot, Izuku Midoriya's range is unmatched!
Michael Jordan dribbles into the tunnel with the W! This global icon all smiles!
Michael Jordan and Izuku Midoriya freestyle a victory rap. Eren Yeager does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. Did you know that Eren Yeager practices superhero on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
99-106 (L)
Michael Jordan, this all-time great, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Shaquille O'Neal misses the open look! This all-time great can't believe it! Occasional mental lapses!
This potential GOAT Shaquille O'Neal commits the offensive foul! Turnover back to the basket!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over shaky emotions under pressure!
Izuku Midoriya scores off the pick and roll! A tear drop with pure God-given talent! Brilliant!
Break. Stephen Curry's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Did you know Stephen Curry knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Phoenix No-Defense's colors. By accident, obviously. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Shaquille O'Neal, this towering presence, waves off the play call! Limited stamina hurting the team!
Eren Yeager fires away but the shot rims out! Occasional mental lapses rears its ugly head!
Eren Yeager finds the angle! The angle revolutionary uses for the game!
Eren Yeager gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like a revolutionary begging the game for mercy!
Shaquille O'Neal had the chances but couldn't convert. This franchise cornerstone left wanting.
Michael Jordan isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Stephen Curry tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
125-97 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal, this 7-footer, takes the court! The sold-out gym on fire is electric!
Shaquille O'Neal steps back the pill with an unmatched feel for the game. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Stephen Curry a sky-high block and starts the fast break! Defense wins championships!
Eren Yeager with the alley-oop pass! Launching the damn ball with revolutionary precision!
Shaquille O'Neal, this 7-footer, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Back in the locker room, Shaquille O'Neal sits down and stares at the ceiling. Did you know? Shaquille O'Neal once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
A pull-up jumper from Shaquille O'Neal! This absolute legend is putting on a show tonight!
Eren Yeager gets the loudest cheer! Louder than a revolutionary's proudest moment!
Michael Jordan sacrifices the body taking the charge! This living legend ultimate teammate!
The fans adopted Eren Yeager, the revolutionary who brings the game to life on the hardwood!
Michael Jordan pulls up the trophy! This undisputed superstar adds to the collection! A team high-five!
Eren Yeager rips off his jersey and launches it into the crowd. Shaquille O'Neal does the same. The coach rolls his eyes. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
115-100 (W)
Michael Jordan opens with a half-court heave! This generational talent making an early statement!
Izuku Midoriya with the crafty finger roll! Iron discipline on display!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal with a surgical steal from way beyond the arc! Intimidating!
Eren Yeager shovels the pass! Moving the leather with their bare hands efficiency!
Michael Jordan uses the hesitation dribble! Freakish explosiveness creating separation!
Break. Stephen Curry asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Rumor has it Stephen Curry tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Stephen Curry with a gym-rat work ethic finds the angle for a catch-and-shoot triple!
A roaring arena as Michael Jordan, this long boy, is introduced! Goosebumps!
This living legend Shaquille O'Neal claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this living legend!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, stands tall when the team needs this headliner most!
Eren Yeager grabs the game ball! This player on the come-up earned it tonight!
Izuku Midoriya rips off his jersey and launches it into the crowd. Eren Yeager does the same. The coach rolls his eyes. I learned that Izuku Midoriya's father was a superhero. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
104-97 (W)
Izuku Midoriya shoots onto the floor! The crowd roars for this guy nobody was talking about!
Michael Jordan scores with an off-the-charts basketball IQ. A step-back three driving to the hoop! Too smooth!
Stephen Curry with the suffocating defense! This max-contract guy is a wall out there!
Eren Yeager, this do-it-all player, drops the dime! Unreal swagger passing on display!
This hall-of-fame lock Shaquille O'Neal attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
That's a wrap for now. Michael Jordan dives into the tunnel. Fun fact: Michael Jordan tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Izuku Midoriya shoots to the rack for a thunderous slam! Can't contain this versatile guy!
Shaquille O'Neal soaks in a sold-out gym on fire! This household name living for these moments!
Michael Jordan, this certified GOAT candidate, communicates the switch! Freakish explosiveness and vocal leadership!
Izuku Midoriya's superhero background shines through every play with the game!
This reliable star Stephen Curry raises the arms! The win is in the books! A salute to the fans!
Eren Yeager takes a bow for the crowd. Stephen Curry bows to Eren Yeager. The nobility of basketball. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
106-110 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Shaquille O'Neal attacks off the pick and roll and finishes with a bank shot! Too good!
Michael Jordan gambles for the steal and pays the price! Tendency to force bad shots!
Eren Yeager misfires facing the rim! Even this league veteran has off nights!
Michael Jordan sparks the comeback! A floater from the left corner! This certified GOAT candidate leads the charge!
Into the tunnel. Michael Jordan grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Fun fact: Michael Jordan tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Break's over, the players take their positions.
This established star Stephen Curry fouls in the clutch! Ego the size of Texas showing late!
This all-time great Shaquille O'Neal slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
This reliable star Stephen Curry is living their best moment right now from the left corner!
Stephen Curry drives but can't score in crunch time! Opportunity lost!
Izuku Midoriya takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad superhero day!
Stephen Curry is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Izuku Midoriya waits at the tunnel entrance. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Stephen Curry's name. Forgive me. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
97-96 (W)
Game time! Eren Yeager and this seasoned vet ready to put on a show at the gymnasium!
Izuku Midoriya blankets the shooter! Covering them with their bare hands thoroughness!
Stephen Curry takes a tough pull-up jumper and it doesn't go! Ego the size of Texas in shot selection!
Shaquille O'Neal knocks down a buzzer beater from way beyond the arc! Ice in the veins!
Shaquille O'Neal, this basketball god, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Halftime! Stephen Curry walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Small detail: Stephen Curry whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, hits the big shot! On the final possession! That's a closer!
Izuku Midoriya switches seamlessly! Versatile as a superhero switching between their bare hands and the game!
Post-game fireworks for Izuku Midoriya! Brighter than their bare hands on a perfect day!
Michael Jordan, this beanpole, blocks the go-ahead attempt! Right from the tip-off flawless defensive rotation!
That's the game! Shaquille O'Neal finishes with a monster performance! This absolute legend victorious!
Stephen Curry and Shaquille O'Neal carry Eren Yeager like a trophy across the entire court. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
120-104 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal, this beanpole, is introduced and the arena explodes! This household name is in the building!
Shaquille O'Neal launches through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Michael Jordan with the chase-down perfect contest! What athleticism!
Eren Yeager with the alley-oop pass! This all-around player throws it up, teammate throws it down!
Izuku Midoriya zones up! Defensive zone like a superhero's the game zone!
Time to breathe. Izuku Midoriya has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Fun fact: Izuku Midoriya is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Izuku Midoriya scores again! When you're a superhero by trade, the ball is child's play!
The crowd does the wave for Izuku Midoriya! Superhero pride!
Eren Yeager holds the huddle together! That revolutionary leadership on full display!
This dark horse Izuku Midoriya proves the critics wrong! A signature move vindication!
Izuku Midoriya clocks out from the temple of basketball! End of the their bare hands shift!
Michael Jordan moonwalks across the hardwood. Eren Yeager attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
103-89 (W)
Tip-off! Shaquille O'Neal gets us started! Let's go!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal with a vintage layup! The old magic is still there!
Izuku Midoriya walls up in the right wing! Immovable as their bare hands bolted down!
Eren Yeager, this solid build, finds the rolling big man! A devastating dunk off the assist!
This established player Eren Yeager with the savvy veteran play! Scary good handles experience showing!
Rest time. Izuku Midoriya isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Anecdote: Izuku Midoriya once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Eren Yeager hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their bare hands from downtown!
Shaquille O'Neal, this colossus, gets the standing ovation! A packed arena!
Stephen Curry makes the extra pass! This multi-time All-Star hockey assist for a thunderous slam!
Stephen Curry steps back into the record books! This big-name player making memories!
Stephen Curry penetrates to the crowd! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! This big-name player gave everything!
Stephen Curry and Izuku Midoriya slap each other's butts. Eren Yeager declines the invitation. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
108-105 (W)
Michael Jordan, this potential GOAT, draws first blood! A double-clutch layup to start!
Michael Jordan, this titan, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a crucial offensive board!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, gets the separation but can't finish! Tendency to rush!
Izuku Midoriya with an alley-oop on the break! Running like they're late for work!
Stephen Curry, this max-contract guy, orchestrates the delay game! Nerves of steel in action!
Coach calls everyone back. Izuku Midoriya drags his feet toward the tunnel. Rumor has it Izuku Midoriya has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Izuku Midoriya comes alive in the third quarter! A reverse layup facing the rim! Clutch!
Izuku Midoriya, this surprise package, shuts down the play driving to the hoop! Lockdown defender!
The crowd is on its feet! An electric crowd as Izuku Midoriya takes the court!
Shaquille O'Neal with the gutsy double-clutch layup from the right corner! An unmatched feel for the game on full display!
Stephen Curry can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Michael Jordan throws chalk powder like LeBron. Eren Yeager coughs for two minutes straight. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
100-122 (L)
And we're underway! Izuku Midoriya touches the leather first! This dark horse looks eager!
Shaquille O'Neal with a wild attempt! This certified GOAT candidate not finding the range tonight!
Izuku Midoriya throws it away! Defense that's basically a suggestion under pressure from way beyond the arc!
Stephen Curry gets screened out of the play! This guy everybody knows lost in traffic!
Stephen Curry, this certified bucket, operates from way beyond the arc with a thunderous slam! Clinic!
Cut! Halftime. Michael Jordan's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Fun fact: Michael Jordan got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Eren Yeager slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a revolutionary hits the workbench!
Eren Yeager launches and misses! The orange isn't the game, and it shows!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry uses the floater over this combo guard coverage! Smart!
This seasoned vet Eren Yeager can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Stephen Curry, this max-contract guy, takes the loss hard. Tendency to rush at the wrong moments.
Izuku Midoriya sits on the floor in the hallway. Shaquille O'Neal sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
97-100 (L)
Eren Yeager gets the starting nod! A revolutionary starting with their bare hands confidence!
A pull-up jumper by Shaquille O'Neal along the baseline! Freakish explosiveness in every fiber!
Shaquille O'Neal, this colossus, lets the shooter get free back to the basket! Costly lapse!
Izuku Midoriya launches from deep and misses! A superhero's range doesn't apply here!
Izuku Midoriya, this tweener, blocks the shot and starts the break! Comeback!
Break! Izuku Midoriya grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Little secret: Izuku Midoriya has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
This living legend Michael Jordan misses the free throws! Tendency to rush at the line!
Izuku Midoriya rises up the towel! This player nobody saw coming showing hot head!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this multi-time All-Star right now!
This reliable star Stephen Curry with the clutch-time breakdown! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Shaquille O'Neal, this big fella, trudges off the field house. Lessons to take from this one.
Stephen Curry punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Izuku Midoriya slides down the wall to the floor. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
My Team ends the season #5 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season journal
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