Il mio quintetto ideale — basketball_team 🇮🇹
5 membri · TeamBranch
Diario di stagione
Classifica
| # | Team | V | S | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-stagione
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Michael Jordan. Standing at 198 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Michael Jackson. A filantropo. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a filantropo, with bare hands, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Michael Jackson has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the game with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
Giornata 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
87-132 (S)
Michael Jordan, this household name, draws first blood! A tear drop to start!
An alley-oop from Cristiano Ronaldo catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Michael Jackson turns it over on the decisive possession! A filantropo dropping their bare hands at the worst time!
Cristiano Ronaldo left in the dust! Even a calciatore moves faster than that!
Michael Jordan crosses over the towel! This all-time great showing tendency to force bad shots!
Back in the locker room, Michael Jordan sits down and stares at the ceiling. Little scoop: Michael Jordan collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Cristiano Ronaldo launches and misses! The pill isn't the il gol vincente, and it shows!
Michael Jackson, this miniature missile, looks exhausted along the baseline! The legs are gone!
Michael Jordan loses the leather in traffic! This potential GOAT can't afford that!
Michael Jordan, this titan, shows negative body language! Injury-prone body creeping in!
Michael Jordan, this 7-footer, hangs the head. Tough loss despite scary good handles effort.
Michael Jackson closes his eyes walking out. Michael Jordan keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Giornata 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
96-95 (V)
Michael Jackson, this little thunder, announced to huge cheers! Palpable tension!
Cristiano Ronaldo strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
Michael Jordan, this big fella, can't finish at the top of the key! That one stings!
Michael Jordan, this first-ballot legend, reads the play perfectly and delivers a pull-up jumper!
This certified GOAT candidate Cristiano Ronaldo runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Break! Michael Jordan takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Michael Jordan is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Michael Jordan, this towering presence, comes through when called upon! On the decisive possession! Star!
This living legend Michael Jordan takes the charge driving to the hoop! Gutsy play!
Michael Jordan fades away to an eruption! A packed arena! What a moment!
Michael Jordan with the go-ahead sky hook! This absolute legend seizes the moment!
Michael Jackson is named player of the game! The filantropo is also the star!
Michael Jordan and Michael Jordan fake a wrestling match. Michael Jordan plays the referee and calls a timeout. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Giornata 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
104-109 (S)
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan means business! Fast start at the buzzer!
Michael Jordan explodes the orange with purpose! A sky hook! This first-ballot legend means business!
This undisputed superstar Cristiano Ronaldo can't recover! Scored on at the buzzer! Sometimes predictable game!
Air ball from Cristiano Ronaldo! Being a calciatore doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Cristiano Ronaldo sparks the comeback! The calciatore fire from the i loro scarpini da calcio ignites the arena!
Halftime whistle. Cristiano Ronaldo has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Little scoop: Cristiano Ronaldo tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan fouls in the clutch! Heavy feet showing late!
This living legend Michael Jordan can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Remember this moment! Michael Jordan is making history with a half-court heave!
Michael Jackson picks up the offensive foul! A filantropo charging like they charge at the game!
Michael Jackson, this undisputed superstar, takes the loss hard. Tendency to rush at the wrong moments.
Michael Jordan stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Michael Jordan exhales. Again. And again. I got a text from Michael Jordan after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Giornata 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
119-96 (V)
Michael Jackson wins the opening tip! Tipping off with filantropo energy!
Michael Jackson, this undersized dog, elevates for a monster floater!
This certified GOAT candidate Michael Jackson with a monster swat from downtown! Intimidating!
Michael Jordan with the transition assist! This certified GOAT candidate pushing the pace with night-in night-out consistency!
Michael Jordan, this guy with rings on every finger, manipulates the defense with the eyes! An off-the-charts basketball IQ!
That's a cut. Michael Jordan stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Little scoop: Michael Jordan tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Break's over, the players take their positions.
A bucket from downtown by Michael Jordan! This big fella with the long range!
Deafening noise! Michael Jordan takes off and the building shakes!
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan defers to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
A narrative for the ages: Michael Jackson, the filantropo who mastered their bare hands and the basketball!
Michael Jordan tosses the leather in the air! A salute to the fans! This basketball god mission accomplished!
Michael Jordan takes a bow for the crowd. Michael Jordan bows to Michael Jordan. The nobility of basketball. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Giornata 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
101-93 (V)
Cristiano Ronaldo, this do-it-all player, takes the court! The electric crowd is electric!
Michael Jordan attacks and fires a bank shot! This long boy lighting it up!
Cristiano Ronaldo springs the trap! The calciatore instinct is real!
Michael Jordan, this titan, finds the trailer! A deep three off the assist, easy money!
Cristiano Ronaldo with the perfect cut! Precision of a calciatore with the i loro scarpini da calcio!
Break. Michael Jackson collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. They say Michael Jackson eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Michael Jordan scores at will! A double-clutch layup driving to the hoop! This hall-of-fame lock domination!
Post-game fireworks for Cristiano Ronaldo! Brighter than the i loro scarpini da calcio on a perfect day!
Michael Jackson celebrates the team's success! This household name knows together is better!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this do-it-all player, evolves before our eyes! A signature move!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan raises the arms! The win is in the books! A hug with the coach!
Michael Jordan and Michael Jordan form a tunnel for Michael Jordan to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Giornata 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
103-105 (S)
This global icon Michael Jackson comes out aggressive! Opens with a reverse layup in transition!
This household name Michael Jordan converts in transition! A hook shot right on cue!
This all-time great Michael Jordan gives up the offensive rebound! Ego the size of Texas when boxing out!
Michael Jordan fades away but overcooks it! Lack of consistency showing up again!
Michael Jordan, this potential GOAT, with the gutsy play! Clawing back one possession at a time!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Michael Jordan asks for an ice pack. The staff told me Michael Jordan sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Cristiano Ronaldo sends the free throw long! Overcooked it, the calciatore touch is off tonight!
Michael Jordan, this absolute legend, yells at the coaching staff! Injury-prone body causing friction!
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan channels the inner champion! A killer instinct at its peak!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan with the clutch-time breakdown! Lack of consistency on full display!
Michael Jordan shoots past the media. This living legend not in the mood to talk.
Michael Jordan walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Michael Jordan drags one foot after the other. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Michael Jordan. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Giornata 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
115-95 (V)
The game begins and Michael Jordan is ready! You can see that dawg mentality written all over his face!
Cristiano Ronaldo cuts and scores! Sharp as the i loro scarpini da calcio, this calciatore!
Michael Jordan rejects the layup! A rebound in traffic by this towering presence! Get that out!
Cristiano Ronaldo explodes into the lane and kicks out! Ridiculous creativity and great decision-making!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan adjusts the angle mid-drive! Night-in night-out consistency body control!
Halftime whistle! Michael Jordan slides down against the hallway wall. Intel: Michael Jordan asked Toronto Border-Patrol for their energy drink recipe. They refused. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, muscles in for a catch-and-shoot triple! Pure power!
The arena is electric! This certified GOAT candidate Michael Jackson thriving in a packed arena!
This household name Michael Jordan runs the pill patiently! Searching for the perfect shot!
Michael Jordan penetrates with conviction! This all-time great believes tonight is the night!
Michael Jordan takes off off the court victorious! This guy with rings on every finger leaves it all out there!
Michael Jackson pretends to faint from happiness. Michael Jordan pretends to call 911. I got a text from Michael Jackson after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Giornata 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
89-103 (S)
Michael Jordan penetrates into position! This generational talent not wasting any time!
Michael Jordan, this mammoth, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this hall-of-fame lock!
Michael Jordan coughs up the pill! Ego the size of Texas strikes again in the paint!
Michael Jordan gets burned on the drive! Heavy feet in lateral movement!
Cristiano Ronaldo with the tough double-clutch layup through contact! This franchise cornerstone won't be denied!
Halftime whistle. Michael Jordan high-fives his teammates on the way out. Little secret: Michael Jordan listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Michael Jordan, this mammoth, sits down hard on the bench! Lack of consistency written all over his face!
A bank shot from Michael Jordan hits the iron! Tendency to force bad shots under the spotlight!
Michael Jackson calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's filantropo mentality!
Michael Jordan is gassed! This franchise cornerstone bent over at half court! Hot head catching up!
Michael Jackson wipes a tear! A filantropo who poured everything into the effort!
Cristiano Ronaldo and Michael Jackson walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Giornata 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
117-108 (V)
And we're underway! Michael Jackson touches the leather first! This all-time great looks eager!
Michael Jordan, this tree of a man, dominates from mid-range and puts up a buzzer beater! Unstoppable!
Cristiano Ronaldo with the defensive masterclass! A calciatore teaching everyone a lesson!
Michael Jordan, this once-in-a-lifetime player, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
Michael Jackson communicates the switch! Clear as a filantropo's instructions!
Break. Michael Jordan's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Exclusive: Michael Jordan was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
A devastating dunk by Michael Jordan! The crowd erupts! Ridiculous creativity personified!
Michael Jordan fades away in front of the home faithful! A standing ovation! Beautiful!
Cristiano Ronaldo sacrifices the body taking the charge! This household name ultimate teammate!
Michael Jackson's transformation from filantropo to athlete is this rematch's best story!
Michael Jordan, this tower, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Michael Jackson improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. Cristiano Ronaldo plays the imaginary violin. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Giornata 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
107-111 (S)
Michael Jordan fires up the crowd to open the game! This basketball god starting strong!
What a shot from Michael Jackson! A filantropo bringing their bare hands energy to the field house!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
This household name Michael Jordan misses the mark! A pull-up jumper goes begging from the right corner!
Michael Jordan, this once-in-a-lifetime player, makes the huge stop! Defense fueling the comeback!
The players leave the court. Cristiano Ronaldo clings to the tunnel railing. Rumor has it Cristiano Ronaldo does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
This certified GOAT candidate Michael Jordan gets called for the charge at the jump ball! Brutal!
Michael Jordan slams the Spalding in frustration! Tendency to rush on full display!
This is the Michael Jordan game! This first-ballot legend taking over in the fourth quarter!
Michael Jordan misses in the clutch! A floater off the mark in the second half!
Cristiano Ronaldo had the chances but couldn't convert. This franchise cornerstone left wanting.
Cristiano Ronaldo collapses into the first available chair. Michael Jordan stays standing, eyes glazed over. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Giornata 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
108-96 (V)
Michael Jordan, this long boy, is introduced and the arena explodes! This guy with rings on every finger is in the building!
This basketball god Michael Jackson goes to work from mid-range! A euro-step drops beautifully!
Michael Jordan, this absolute legend, bodied up and forced the turnover! Physical defense!
Michael Jackson with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! Scary good handles on that one!
Michael Jordan reads the defense perfectly! An unmatched feel for the game and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Halftime. Michael Jordan's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Small detail: Michael Jordan whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Michael Jordan, this big fella, posts up and delivers a reverse layup! Textbook!
Michael Jordan fires away and the noise is deafening! Palpable tension! Wow!
Michael Jordan posts up the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
Cristiano Ronaldo dribbles with the fire of a thousand suns! He's on fire!
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, salutes the faithful! A primal scream! What a night!
Michael Jordan gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Michael Jordan gives his shoes. Michael Jordan gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Giornata 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
101-113 (S)
Tip-off! Michael Jordan gets us started! Let's go!
Michael Jordan launches an off-balance shot and... Airball! Occasional mental lapses at its peak!
Michael Jordan rises up the damn ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this global icon!
This basketball god Michael Jordan picks up the cheap foul! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
A pull-up jumper! Michael Jordan cannot be stopped tonight! This global icon is locked in!
Halftime whistle. Michael Jordan high-fives his teammates on the way out. Confession: Michael Jordan believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Michael Jackson stares in disbelief! The look of a filantropo who just lost everything!
Michael Jordan fires a scoop layup in the paint but can't connect! Ego the size of Texas showing!
Cristiano Ronaldo uses a lockdown zone defense brilliantly! Strategy from segnaring the il gol vincente!
Michael Jordan short-arms the shot from fatigue! This certified GOAT candidate has nothing left!
Michael Jordan sits alone on the bench. This absolute legend processing the defeat.
Michael Jordan clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Michael Jordan fidgets with his wristband nervously. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Giornata 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
76-120 (S)
Michael Jordan, this absolute unit, sets the tone immediately! Night-in night-out consistency from the jump!
A bucket attempt by Michael Jordan falls short! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the legs!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this do-it-all player, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted at half court!
Michael Jackson loses the screen battle! Defense that's basically a suggestion around the picks!
This potential GOAT Cristiano Ronaldo fouls hard out of frustration! Heavy feet showing!
Break! Michael Jordan has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Fun fact: Michael Jordan failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Michael Jordan rises up the pill right into the defender's hands! Tendency to force bad shots!
Michael Jordan bends over during the dead ball! This absolute legend gathering what's left!
Michael Jordan with the lazy pass! Tendency to force bad shots leading to easy points!
Michael Jordan pulls up away from the huddle! This living legend in a dark place mentally!
Cristiano Ronaldo sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a calciatore after the i loro scarpini da calcio broke!
Michael Jordan refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Michael Jordan watches it and immediately regrets it. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Giornata 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
87-131 (S)
Michael Jordan, this franchise cornerstone, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Cristiano Ronaldo with a rough buzzer-beater from mid-range! Tendency to force bad shots at the worst time!
This generational talent Michael Jordan forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Michael Jordan gets caught flat-footed! This generational talent beaten to the spot!
This hall-of-fame lock Cristiano Ronaldo stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Back to the locker room. Michael Jordan punches his locker. True story: Michael Jordan had his parking spot stolen by San Antonio Skyscrapers's mascot. Still talks about it. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Cristiano Ronaldo fires and misses in transition. Should have stuck with the il gol vincente!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this first-ballot legend, sucking wind after that sprint! This ball game of battle!
Michael Jordan throws it away! Hot head under pressure in the paint!
Michael Jordan fires away and kicks the stanchion! This all-time great losing composure!
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan leaves the temple of basketball with head held high. Fought to the end.
Michael Jordan's eyes are glassy. Michael Jackson mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Michael Jordan's name. Forgive me. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Giornata 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
90-128 (S)
Cristiano Ronaldo rises up onto the floor! The crowd roars for this hall-of-fame lock!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this living legend, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Michael Jackson coughs it up! A filantropo's grip doesn't work on the rock!
Michael Jordan turns the head and loses the man! This first-ballot legend napping defensively!
Cristiano Ronaldo mouths off and picks up a T! Lack of consistency taking over!
The players head to the locker room. Michael Jordan is sweating like a racehorse. Intel: Michael Jordan refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
This basketball god Michael Jordan shanks a thunderous slam from the right corner! That's uncharacteristic!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan can barely jump! The springs are gone in transition!
Michael Jordan dunks into a dead end in the paint! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Michael Jordan mutters to himself walking back! This guy with rings on every finger fighting inner demons!
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, trudges off the hardwood. Lessons to take from this one.
Michael Jackson takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Michael Jordan follows the same path. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
My Team finishes #11 (6W-9L). Better luck next season! MVP: Michael Jordan.
Diario di stagione
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