Meine Traum-Starting-Five — basketball_team 🇩🇪
5 Mitglieder · TeamBranch
Saisontagebuch
Tabelle
| # | Team | S | N | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | My Team | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Vorsaison
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Victor Wembanyama is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 224 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed King Kong, his brother-in-law and an amateur by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if King Kong can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. Let's address the elephant in the room: the budget is OBSCENE. We're so deep into the luxury tax that the team accountant quit, got replaced, and the replacement quit too. The owner doesn't give a damn, he wants the ring and he's willing to burn every last dollar to get it. The result? An absolute dream roster. Every name on this lineup card sends shivers down opponents' spines. It's like playing NBA 2K with the sliders maxed out. It's almost unfair. And tonight, it probably will be.
Spieltag 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
74-118 (N)
LeBron James, this towering presence, sets the tone immediately! Iron discipline from the jump!
Victor Wembanyama, this 7-footer, loses the handle and the opportunity! Ego the size of Texas!
Turnover by Stephen Hawking! Herausforderning the die jungen Gelehrten requires less coordination, clearly!
Stephen Hawking gets screened out! Stuck behind the ihre Vorlesungsnotizen like it's a wall!
Stephen Hawking walks away muttering! Muttering about the die jungen Gelehrten under their breath!
Break! Saitama grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Physio's confession: Saitama purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
LeBron James with a wild attempt! This living legend not finding the range tonight!
LeBron James dribbles but can't sustain the effort! Occasional mental lapses emptying the tank!
Stephen Hawking throws it into the stands! What was that from this potential GOAT!
LeBron James mutters to himself walking back! This basketball god fighting inner demons!
King Kong fades away past the media. This bonafide star not in the mood to talk.
King Kong slams his fist on the bench. LeBron James places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Spieltag 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
113-97 (S)
LeBron James, this living legend, embraces the roaring arena! Game on!
LeBron James answers back with a step-back three! A gym-rat work ethic under pressure!
Victor Wembanyama, this colossus, locks down the attacker! A killer instinct on the defensive end!
Saitama sets up the easy score! Easy as a superheld setting up their bare hands!
LeBron James dunks to the weak side! This once-in-a-lifetime player exploiting the rotation!
The locker room fills up. King Kong has already eaten three oranges. Anecdote: King Kong fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
LeBron James dishes past the defense for a buzzer beater! Size advantage from this this tree of a man!
Listen to that roar! Saitama goes to work and the place explodes!
Saitama tips the rebound to a teammate! Selfless play from this superheld!
Saitama becomes the symbol of this must-win game, a superheld defying all the odds!
Victor Wembanyama, this towering presence, takes the final bow! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! Dominant display!
LeBron James and Victor Wembanyama fake a wrestling match. Saitama plays the referee and calls a timeout. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Spieltag 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
94-109 (N)
The hardwood welcomes Stephen Hawking! The hochschullehrer with the die jungen Gelehrten has arrived!
This franchise guy King Kong rattles it out! So close yet so far from mid-range!
Victor Wembanyama rises up into a dead end off the pick and roll! Turnover! Heavy feet!
This player making noise Victor Wembanyama caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
A double-clutch layup from LeBron James from downtown! That's a statement right there!
Finally a breather. LeBron James has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. True story: LeBron James had his parking spot stolen by Orlando Magic-Beans's mascot. Still talks about it. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Victor Wembanyama rises up and kicks the stanchion! This league veteran losing composure!
Saitama sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this superheld!
This global icon LeBron James with the savvy veteran play! Scary good handles experience showing!
LeBron James, this generational talent, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
This hooper's hooper Victor Wembanyama stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this hooper's hooper wanted.
Stephen Hawking bites the inside of his cheek. King Kong pinches the bridge of his nose. I learned that Stephen Hawking's father was a volunteer firefighter. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Spieltag 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
104-113 (N)
And we're underway! King Kong touches the basketball first! This headliner looks eager!
Saitama shoots an air ball in a Finals-like atmosphere! A superheld lost in the noise!
King Kong, this swiss-army-knife type, commits the travel! Injury-prone body in the footwork!
This first-ballot legend Stephen Hawking gives up the offensive rebound! Limited stamina when boxing out!
Saitama drains a double-clutch layup from way beyond the arc! Textbook pure God-given talent!
Halftime. The physio pounces on LeBron James to massage his thighs. Juicy intel: LeBron James turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
This global icon LeBron James gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
LeBron James, this undisputed superstar, comes up empty! A catch-and-shoot triple off target off the pick and roll!
Stephen Hawking goes small-ball! Adapting like a hochschullehrer who reads the room!
King Kong asks for the ball to slow the pace! This elite player needs air!
Saitama, this dude out of nowhere, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
LeBron James's lip is trembling. Victor Wembanyama dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Spieltag 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
120-98 (S)
This unknown gem Saitama in the starting lineup! Let's see what this unknown gem brings!
Saitama pulls up the basketball with purpose! A half-court heave! This raw talent means business!
Victor Wembanyama draws the offensive foul! Smart play, great positioning!
King Kong, this solid build, with the pocket pass! Silky smooth technique in tight spaces!
LeBron James spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
End of the first act. LeBron James is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Confession: LeBron James tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Victor Wembanyama strings together a bucket from downtown. An unmatched feel for the game on full display!
Vendors sell Stephen Hawking-themed merch! Merchandise gold for this hochschullehrer!
Stephen Hawking executes the play call! Flawless execution from this hochschullehrer!
The superheld identity fuels Saitama. Their bare hands taught them everything about pressure!
Victor Wembanyama, this solid pro, soaks in the moment! Victory back to the basket! A chest bump!
Stephen Hawking pretends to faint from happiness. King Kong pretends to call 911. Behind the scenes, I learned King Kong was also a volunteer firefighter in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Spieltag 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
99-98 (S)
Victor Wembanyama takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
This potential breakout star Saitama anchors the defense along the baseline! Nothing gets through!
Victor Wembanyama clanks another one off the rim! This hooper's hooper needs to find rhythm!
LeBron James, this tower, uses strength and skill for a layup! Complete player!
This All-Star caliber talent King Kong adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
End of the second quarter. King Kong is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. True story: King Kong had his parking spot stolen by Los Angeles Nursing-Home's mascot. Still talks about it. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
This hooper's hooper Victor Wembanyama answers back immediately! A buzzer-beater off the pick and roll! Resilient!
This next-level player Victor Wembanyama with the weak-side drawn charge! Incredible help!
You can feel an incredible energy through the screen! LeBron James in the spotlight!
Victor Wembanyama with the pressure-proof buzzer beater at the buzzer! In the dying seconds!
Stephen Hawking has the last say! Final word from a hochschullehrer about the die jungen Gelehrten!
Saitama does the robot at center court while King Kong pretends to be an airplane. The crowd loves it. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Spieltag 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
102-94 (S)
LeBron James opens with a two-handed slam! This household name making an early statement!
LeBron James with the tough and-one through contact! This absolute legend won't be denied!
LeBron James anticipates the cut and deflects the Wilson! This once-in-a-lifetime player reading minds!
Stephen Hawking drops the dime! A hochschullehrer with court vision like that? Unreal!
King Kong, this solid build, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Insane court vision!
Halftime. LeBron James wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Did you know LeBron James knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Toronto Border-Patrol's colors. By accident, obviously. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
A scoop layup from LeBron James! This guy with rings on every finger reminding everyone why they're on top!
This legit talent Victor Wembanyama turns the hostile crowd into stunned silence!
Saitama, this raw talent, runs the play exactly as drawn! Execution!
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James with a performance for the ages! A sequence that will go viral chapter!
Stephen Hawking tallied double figures! Double the die jungen Gelehrten, double the glory!
Saitama does a belly slide on the court. Stephen Hawking does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Spieltag 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
82-122 (N)
Saitama lands the first and-one! First blood! The superheld strikes first!
Victor Wembanyama, this hooper's hooper, with the shot-clock heave! No good from way beyond the arc!
LeBron James with the lazy pass! Ego the size of Texas leading to easy points!
King Kong, this do-it-all player, fouls unnecessarily in the paint! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Saitama, this diamond in the rough, refuses to high-five! Injury-prone body hurting the chemistry!
Break! King Kong rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Fun fact: King Kong was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
LeBron James, this franchise cornerstone, sends the pill wide! The touch is off tonight!
This absolute legend LeBron James calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Heavy feet taking its toll!
Saitama throws it out of bounds! Like launching their bare hands into the void!
This basketball god Stephen Hawking shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Stephen Hawking sits alone on the bench. This potential GOAT processing the defeat.
Stephen Hawking refuses the coach's embrace. Victor Wembanyama accepts it but his body is stiff. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Spieltag 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
93-130 (N)
Game time! Stephen Hawking and this global icon ready to put on a show at the field house!
LeBron James fires a floater at the buzzer but can't connect! Lack of consistency showing!
Saitama with the backcourt violation! A superheld going backwards with the game!
LeBron James, this colossus, lets the shooter get free along the baseline! Costly lapse!
Victor Wembanyama slams the ball in frustration! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
End of the first act. Stephen Hawking is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Locker room anecdote: Stephen Hawking talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Saitama misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their bare hands at the game!
Saitama gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like a superheld begging the game for mercy!
King Kong coughs up the pill! Injury-prone body strikes again from the left corner!
This jersey-selling name King Kong throws an elbow in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
LeBron James walks off in silence. This once-in-a-lifetime player gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Saitama lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Stephen Hawking holds his in. Tonight I learned Saitama used to be a volunteer firefighter before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Spieltag 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
85-130 (N)
This all-time great LeBron James comes out aggressive! Opens with a floater back to the basket!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James misses the mark! A pull-up jumper goes begging from downtown!
Stephen Hawking trips up in the low post! A hochschullehrer never trips at work... Right?
Saitama beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the game slipping from a superheld!
LeBron James drops the head after another miss! Occasional mental lapses sapping the confidence!
End of the first half. LeBron James is beet red but still standing. Exclusive: LeBron James was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
King Kong, this combo guard, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Shaky emotions under pressure!
LeBron James drives but the legs won't cooperate! Injury-prone body catching up!
This solid pro Victor Wembanyama dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Saitama kicks the air! The frustration of a superheld who knows they can do better!
Victor Wembanyama fires away to the tunnel in disappointment. This up-and-coming baller will learn from this.
Stephen Hawking mutters 'damn' under his breath. Saitama says 'yeah' in the same tone. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Spieltag 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
95-121 (N)
Victor Wembanyama dishes with energy from the opening whistle! This legit talent locked in!
King Kong, this combo guard, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this max-contract guy!
Sloppy handling by Stephen Hawking! Herausforderning the die jungen Gelehrten is done with more finesse!
Stephen Hawking gets blown by! Even a hochschullehrer couldn't stop that!
Saitama hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their bare hands from way beyond the arc!
Halftime! Saitama looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Anecdote: Saitama lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
LeBron James mouths off and picks up a T! Ego the size of Texas taking over!
Brick! Saitama misfires driving to the hoop! Limited stamina at the worst time!
This world-class player King Kong recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Stephen Hawking is running on fumes! The hochschullehrer tank is completely empty!
This household name LeBron James tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Saitama replays the score in his head on a loop. LeBron James tries to think about something else. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Spieltag 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
91-107 (N)
Saitama locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a superheld who means business!
This all-time great LeBron James with a rare miss from mid-range! Even the best stumble!
LeBron James, this 7-footer, fumbles the entry pass facing the rim!
Victor Wembanyama gambles for the steal and pays the price! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Victor Wembanyama, this big fella, rises above and hammers an off-balance shot!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Hawking high-fives his teammates on the way out. Did you know Stephen Hawking once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
LeBron James, this 7-footer, shows negative body language! Tendency to rush creeping in!
Stephen Hawking, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the look on the low block but the lid's on the rim!
Saitama goes to the post! That superheld strength is showing!
Stephen Hawking is gassed! More tired than after a full day of herausforderning the die jungen Gelehrten!
LeBron James had the chances but couldn't convert. This franchise cornerstone left wanting.
King Kong walks toward the tunnel without a word. Victor Wembanyama stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Spieltag 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
95-100 (N)
The game begins and King Kong is ready! You can see next-level basketball IQ written all over his face!
A devastating dunk from King Kong sails wide! This certified bucket needs to regroup!
King Kong lets fly the orange right to the defense! Costly mistake by this multi-time All-Star!
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James can't recover! Scored on from the left corner! Heavy feet!
King Kong with the decisive layup! Silky smooth technique when it matters most!
Break! Stephen Hawking rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Rumor has it Stephen Hawking has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
This household name LeBron James slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Victor Wembanyama with the contested half-court heave from way beyond the arc! No good! Bad selection!
Stephen Hawking changes the defensive scheme! Strategic mind of a hochschullehrer!
Saitama, this player nobody saw coming, is dragging! The 4 periods of 12 minutes minutes taking their toll!
Saitama walks off in defeat! Even a superheld's skills couldn't save tonight!
LeBron James has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Victor Wembanyama has aged ten years in forty minutes. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Spieltag 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
84-125 (N)
King Kong looks dialed in from the start! Insane court vision preparation showing!
Saitama forces up an and-one over the defense! Lack of consistency! Bad decision!
This name that's buzzing Victor Wembanyama with turnover number lengths ahead! Shaky emotions under pressure is piling up!
Saitama, this all-around player, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over occasional mental lapses!
This jersey-selling name King Kong fouls hard out of frustration! Lack of consistency showing!
Players head to the locker room. Stephen Hawking has tape on three fingers. Anecdote: Stephen Hawking slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Victor Wembanyama, this colossus, bobbles the Wilson and the chance evaporates from the right corner!
Stephen Hawking tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a hochschullehrer's energy for the die jungen Gelehrten!
LeBron James loses the basketball in traffic! This living legend can't afford that!
Stephen Hawking storms to the bench! This household name is visibly upset!
LeBron James, this towering presence, trudges off the palace of hoops. Lessons to take from this one.
LeBron James bites his lip, fists clenched. Victor Wembanyama shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Spieltag 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
75-119 (N)
This established player Victor Wembanyama means business! Fast start at the top of the key!
LeBron James attacks the orange into nothing! Injury-prone body on full display tonight!
This basketball god LeBron James gets pickpocketed in transition! Sloppy handling!
King Kong scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Limited stamina!
Saitama looks to the heavens! A superheld praying for their bare hands to work!
Break. LeBron James collapses next to the vending machine. True story: LeBron James had his parking spot stolen by Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest's mascot. Still talks about it. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
King Kong takes a tough layup and it doesn't go! Shaky emotions under pressure in shot selection!
Stephen Hawking calls for the sub! Even a hochschullehrer's stamina with the ihre Vorlesungsnotizen has limits!
Victor Wembanyama with a wild pass that sails out! This player making noise giving it away!
King Kong, this bonafide star, barks at the teammate! Ego the size of Texas taking over!
LeBron James, this giant, hangs the head. Tough loss despite an off-the-charts basketball IQ effort.
Victor Wembanyama looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. LeBron James looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. Behind the scenes, I learned LeBron James was also a volunteer firefighter in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
My Team finishes #13 (4W-11L). Better luck next season! MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Saisonjournal
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