Mi quinteto ideal — basketball_team 🇪🇸
5 miembros · TeamBranch
Diario de temporada
Clasificación
| # | Team | V | D | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pretemporada
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Spider-Man is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 178 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Spider-Man. The man. Is. A superhéroe. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A superhéroe. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of a superhéroe and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
Jornada 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
84-128 (D)
Peter Crouch checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Peter Crouch crosses over but it's well off! Lack of consistency under fatigue!
John Wick turns it over on a clutch free throw! An asesino político dropping their bare hands at the worst time!
John Wick falls asleep on the weak side! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
Peter Crouch walks away muttering! Muttering about the el gol ganador under their breath!
Rest. Peter Crouch buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Did you know? Peter Crouch tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Conor McGregor can't finish! The luchador de artes marciales mixtas who finishes the la guardia del adversario can't finish the play!
John Wick is gassed! More tired than after a full day of competing the game!
Michael Scofield gets picked! An ingeniero getting the la estructura imposible stolen in broad daylight!
Conor McGregor sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a luchador de artes marciales mixtas after a long shift!
Conor McGregor looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a luchador de artes marciales mixtas!
Conor McGregor's complexion is grey. Michael Scofield's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Jornada 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
102-123 (D)
Peter Crouch, this walking skyscraper, is introduced and the arena explodes! This headliner is in the building!
Peter Crouch shanks it from the left wing! Anotarring the el gol ganador uses different muscles!
Spider-Man throws it away! A pass worse than a superhéroe tossing the game!
Peter Crouch gives up the easy bucket! Easier than anotarring the el gol ganador!
Peter Crouch, this elite player, drills another off-balance shot in the paint! Automatic!
Halftime! Michael Scofield looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Did you know Michael Scofield once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Spider-Man drives the towel! This household name showing occasional mental lapses!
Peter Crouch misfires in the paint! Even this big-name player has off nights!
Spider-Man adapts to the coverage! Adaptive as a superhéroe with the game!
Michael Scofield misses the rotation! Too tired, like an ingeniero too tired for the la estructura imposible!
John Wick wipes a tear! An asesino político who poured everything into the effort!
Michael Scofield scratches the back of his neck nervously. John Wick has the look of someone who has seen things. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Jornada 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
93-129 (D)
Conor McGregor huddles with the team! Huddling up, the luchador de artes marciales mixtas strategizes!
Michael Scofield with the off-balance step-back three! This solid pro couldn't set the feet!
John Wick coughs it up! An asesino político's grip doesn't work on the Wilson!
John Wick watches them score! Just watching, like watching their bare hands gather dust!
Spider-Man mouths off at the last second! A superhéroe venting about the game!
Halftime. Conor McGregor is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Bus driver's confession: Conor McGregor raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
John Wick misses the free throw! Competing the game under pressure is easier!
John Wick drags their feet! Heavy as their bare hands at the end of a shift!
Spider-Man pulls up the Wilson right to the defense! Costly mistake by this potential GOAT!
Peter Crouch explodes and kicks the stanchion! This certified bucket losing composure!
John Wick consoles teammates! The heart of an asesino político in that moment!
Peter Crouch stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Conor McGregor exhales. Again. And again. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Jornada 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
82-126 (D)
The floor welcomes Spider-Man! The superhéroe with the game has arrived!
Peter Crouch skips it off the rim! The el gol ganador has better hop than that!
Conor McGregor gets the ball stripped! The la guardia del adversario would have stayed in a luchador de artes marciales mixtas's grip!
Conor McGregor caught flat-footed! Standing still, the luchador de artes marciales mixtas reflexes took a nap!
Spider-Man attacks angrily after the turnover! This basketball god spiraling!
Time to breathe. Peter Crouch has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Anecdote: Peter Crouch threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Peter Crouch, this multi-time All-Star, comes up empty! A sky hook off target at half court!
Peter Crouch tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a futbolista's energy for the el gol ganador!
Conor McGregor, this miniature missile, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted back to the basket!
Michael Scofield, this hooper's hooper, refuses to high-five! Lack of consistency hurting the chemistry!
Peter Crouch shakes hands through the pain! A futbolista who respects the sus botas de fútbol and the game!
John Wick stares at the floor while Conor McGregor mutters something inaudible under his breath. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Jornada 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
93-111 (D)
John Wick takes the court to a roaring arena! The asesino político with their bare hands is here!
Michael Scofield, this swiss-army-knife type, bobbles the rock and the chance evaporates facing the rim!
Turnover by Spider-Man! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
Michael Scofield fouls trying to recover! Desperate as an ingeniero chasing the la estructura imposible!
Spider-Man crosses over the Spalding into a buzzer beater! Freakish explosiveness shining through!
The locker room. John Wick sprawls out full-length on the bench. The staff told me John Wick sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Peter Crouch argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to anotarring the el gol ganador!
Conor McGregor rises up but the shot rims out! Injury-prone body rears its ugly head!
Michael Scofield directs traffic on the den! Traffic control by an ingeniero with the la estructura imposible!
Spider-Man cramps up! Muscles tight from their bare hands and the orange double duty!
Michael Scofield sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like an ingeniero after the su regla de cálculo broke!
Peter Crouch avoids the cameras like the plague. Michael Scofield gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. I learned that Peter Crouch's father was an ingeniero. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Jornada 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
85-129 (D)
Peter Crouch announces themselves! The futbolista has arrived and the building knows it!
Spider-Man fires a sky hook along the baseline but can't connect! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing!
Spider-Man dribbles into a dead end along the baseline! Turnover! Injury-prone body!
Spider-Man reacts too late to rotate! Tendency to force bad shots on the help side!
This next-level player Michael Scofield slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Break! Michael Scofield grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Confession: Michael Scofield calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Peter Crouch clanks another one off the rim! This established star needs to find rhythm!
John Wick misses from fatigue! This established player can't get the elevation on the low block!
Conor McGregor rises up into a trap! Defense that's basically a suggestion when reading the defense!
Conor McGregor can't hide the frustration! The protector bucal frustration meets the Spalding frustration!
Peter Crouch, this certified bucket, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Spider-Man claps his hands in frustration. Conor McGregor clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Jornada 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
77-121 (D)
Spider-Man comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the superhéroe means business!
Peter Crouch launches and misses! The damn ball isn't the el gol ganador, and it shows!
Sloppy handling by Peter Crouch! Anotarring the el gol ganador is done with more finesse!
Spider-Man gets blown by! Even a superhéroe couldn't stop that!
This guy with a proven track record Michael Scofield throws an elbow in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Halftime! Peter Crouch has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. True story: Peter Crouch had his parking spot stolen by Toronto Border-Patrol's mascot. Still talks about it. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
John Wick, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the separation but can't finish! Heavy feet!
Michael Scofield jogs instead of sprints! Conserving energy for construiring the la estructura imposible tomorrow!
Conor McGregor, this miniature missile, steps out of bounds with the damn ball! Mental lapse!
This reliable star Conor McGregor hangs the head after the miss! Deflated from mid-range!
John Wick packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
John Wick lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Peter Crouch decides not to comment. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Jornada 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
78-122 (D)
John Wick locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of an asesino político who means business!
Brick! Peter Crouch misfires on the low block! Defense that's basically a suggestion at the worst time!
Conor McGregor with the careless pass! Desmantelarring the la guardia del adversario with more care, please!
Spider-Man, this pint-sized baller, lets the shooter get free in the paint! Costly lapse!
Michael Scofield gets a technical for complaining! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Cut! Halftime. Michael Scofield's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Did you know Michael Scofield plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Michael Scofield misses the open look! This dude putting the league on notice can't believe it! Injury-prone body!
Spider-Man mops their face! Sweating more than when competing the game!
John Wick, this all-around player, fumbles the entry pass facing the rim!
John Wick, this established player, with the frustrated foul! Limited stamina in tough moments!
Peter Crouch fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the futbolista gave everything!
Peter Crouch stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Conor McGregor comes back to get him. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Jornada 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
83-127 (D)
The game begins and Spider-Man is ready! You can see a gym-rat work ethic written all over his face!
Michael Scofield can't buy a bucket! Another miss driving to the hoop! Frustrating!
Stolen from Peter Crouch! A futbolista who let it slip through their fingers!
Spider-Man gets burned on the drive! Tendency to force bad shots in lateral movement!
Peter Crouch storms to the bench! This jersey-selling name is visibly upset!
Halftime. Michael Scofield throws his towel on the floor walking in. Anecdote: Michael Scofield slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
John Wick rises up the orange right into the defender's hands! Occasional mental lapses!
John Wick launches but the legs won't cooperate! Limited stamina catching up!
This next-level player Michael Scofield gets pickpocketed at the top of the key! Sloppy handling!
Peter Crouch stares in disbelief! The look of a futbolista who just lost everything!
Spider-Man penetrates to the tunnel in disappointment. This global icon will learn from this.
Michael Scofield closes his eyes walking out. Conor McGregor keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Conor McGregor. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Jornada 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
81-125 (D)
John Wick, this well-respected player, draws first blood! A hook shot to start!
Michael Scofield bricks it! Not the same accuracy as construiring the la estructura imposible!
Peter Crouch coughs up the leather! Limited stamina strikes again on the low block!
Conor McGregor beaten to the spot! Slower than a luchador de artes marciales mixtas on a Monday morning!
Conor McGregor, this little guy, throws the hands up! Exasperated on the low block!
End of the first act. John Wick is puffing like a steam engine heading back. They say John Wick has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Conor McGregor fires and misses from under the basket. Should have stuck with the la guardia del adversario!
This bonafide star Conor McGregor is a warrior but the body says no! The 4 periods of 12 minutes of war!
Conor McGregor, this undersized spark plug, commits the travel! Tendency to rush in the footwork!
This established player Michael Scofield can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Spider-Man vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their bare hands reinforced with the game!
Michael Scofield hurls his water bottle at the wall. Conor McGregor flinches but doesn't react. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Jornada 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
86-131 (D)
Michael Scofield wins the opening tip! Tipping off with ingeniero energy!
Conor McGregor can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the la guardia del adversario, a luchador de artes marciales mixtas always hits!
Michael Scofield throws it into the stands! What was that from this established player!
John Wick can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
Michael Scofield slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than an ingeniero hits the workbench!
Break! Spider-Man heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. True story: Spider-Man had his parking spot stolen by New York Over-Timers's mascot. Still talks about it. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
John Wick, this seasoned vet, with the shot-clock heave! No good in transition!
Conor McGregor bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a luchador de artes marciales mixtas after the protector bucal overtime!
John Wick botches the handoff! Even their bare hands exchanges go smoother!
Spider-Man drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a superhéroe's spirit has limits!
Conor McGregor takes the loss hard! Hard as the la guardia del adversario on a bad luchador de artes marciales mixtas day!
Peter Crouch snaps at the bench on his way out. Conor McGregor says nothing, but his look says everything. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Jornada 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
88-125 (D)
John Wick, this respected competitor, embraces the immense pressure! Game on!
Peter Crouch dunks the rock but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Peter Crouch forces the pass! Forcing the sus botas de fútbol where it doesn't fit!
Spider-Man gives up the back door! Tendency to force bad shots when overplaying!
Spider-Man glares at the Spalding! Like it personally betrayed this superhéroe!
Break time. Michael Scofield bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. True story: Michael Scofield walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Cleveland Twin-Towers. Awkward. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Conor McGregor shoots an air ball in a cathedral silence! A luchador de artes marciales mixtas lost in the noise!
Michael Scofield powers through! The ingeniero in them won't quit on the la estructura imposible!
This top-tier talent Conor McGregor forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
John Wick tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the asesino político will bounce back!
John Wick walks off in defeat! Even an asesino político's skills couldn't save tonight!
Michael Scofield and John Wick walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Jornada 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
89-133 (D)
And we're underway! Peter Crouch touches the orange first! This top-tier talent looks eager!
This name that's buzzing Michael Scofield rattles it out! So close yet so far facing the rim!
Peter Crouch loses the ball! A futbolista would never be this careless!
This All-Star caliber talent Conor McGregor caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Spider-Man kicks the air! The frustration of a superhéroe who knows they can do better!
Break. Spider-Man collapses next to the vending machine. They say Spider-Man has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
A double-clutch layup attempt by Spider-Man falls short! Injury-prone body in the legs!
Peter Crouch finds a second wind! The futbolista engine roars back to life!
Conor McGregor with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost luchador de artes marciales mixtas!
Peter Crouch looks to the heavens! A futbolista praying for the sus botas de fútbol to work!
Michael Scofield tips the cap to the winners! The ingeniero's grace with the la estructura imposible!
Conor McGregor presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Spider-Man walks right past without noticing. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Jornada 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
89-134 (D)
This guy everybody knows Peter Crouch comes out aggressive! Opens with a scoop layup at the buzzer!
John Wick misfires on the floater! Too much float, the asesino político touch abandoned them!
Michael Scofield trips up in half court! An ingeniero never trips at work... Right?
Spider-Man loses the screen battle! Lack of consistency around the picks!
Peter Crouch shakes their head! A futbolista who can't believe that just happened!
Rest time. Michael Scofield isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Did you know Michael Scofield entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
A sky hook from Spider-Man sails wide! This household name needs to regroup!
This certified bucket Conor McGregor can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Peter Crouch drives carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Peter Crouch, this oversized freak, pounds the scorer's table! Limited stamina on full display!
This guy everybody knows Peter Crouch tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
John Wick walks head down toward the tunnel. Michael Scofield drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce John Wick's name. Forgive me. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Jornada 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
87-131 (D)
This living legend Spider-Man catches the rock early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Peter Crouch misses the layup! Even the el gol ganador would have gone in easier!
This franchise guy Conor McGregor with turnover number points! Shaky emotions under pressure is piling up!
This dude putting the league on notice Michael Scofield commits the and-one foul! Defense that's basically a suggestion in positioning!
Peter Crouch buries their face! Hidden from view, the futbolista can't watch!
Halftime! John Wick looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Fun fact: John Wick is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Peter Crouch misses! Even a futbolista can't fix that shot!
This big-name player Peter Crouch calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Limited stamina taking its toll!
Conor McGregor tries to be too fancy and loses the orange! Occasional mental lapses in the decision-making!
Spider-Man slams the Spalding in frustration! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Peter Crouch absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a futbolista knows tough days!
Conor McGregor refuses Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest's handshake. Spider-Man offers a limp one with just his fingertips. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Spider-Man.
Diario de la temporada
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