Mortos fc — basketball_team 🇵🇹
5 membros · TeamBranch
Diário da temporada
Classificação
| # | Team | V | D | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Mortos fc | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pré-temporada
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. Ladies and gentlemen... Mortos fc! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Charlie Kirk. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed André Ventura. The man is a político. A freaking político. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with seu pódio de campanha and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
Jornada 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-131 (D)
André Ventura locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a político who means business!
André Ventura misses the bunny! A político dropping a política pública from point-blank!
LP throws it out of bounds! Like launching the sua guitarra elétrica into the void!
Cristiano Ronaldo gets screened out of the play! This undisputed superstar lost in traffic!
André Ventura is visibly upset! Upset as a político when a política pública goes sideways!
Halftime. Cristiano Ronaldo's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Anecdote: Cristiano Ronaldo once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
André Ventura, this solid build, loses the handle and the opportunity! Hot head!
André Ventura gulps water! As thirsty as a político reaching for a política pública!
LP, this swiss-army-knife type, commits the travel! Hot head in the footwork!
Cristiano Ronaldo kicks the air! The frustration of a futebolista who knows they can do better!
Amália Rodrigues takes the loss hard! Hard as the o herói trágico on a bad ator day!
Charlie Kirk's eyes are red, jaw tight. Amália Rodrigues apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Jornada 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
88-132 (D)
Cristiano Ronaldo comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the futebolista means business!
LP can't find the range! The sua guitarra elétrica has better accuracy than that!
Cristiano Ronaldo coughs up the leather! Ego the size of Texas strikes again from the left corner!
Cristiano Ronaldo gets blown by! Even a futebolista couldn't stop that!
This potential GOAT Cristiano Ronaldo throws an elbow in frustration! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Halftime! Amália Rodrigues has the hardwood pattern imprinted on her elbow. Little secret: Amália Rodrigues listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
LP misfires facing the rim! Even this well-respected player has off nights!
LP bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a guitarrista after the sua guitarra elétrica overtime!
This seasoned vet André Ventura gets pickpocketed back to the basket! Sloppy handling!
This guy with a proven track record LP gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Charlie Kirk vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their bare hands reinforced with the game!
Charlie Kirk taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Amália Rodrigues walks through the door without pushing it. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Jornada 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
87-131 (D)
LP gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a guitarrista on day one!
André Ventura fires an alley-oop driving to the hoop but can't connect! Occasional mental lapses showing!
Amália Rodrigues with the backcourt violation! This reliable star under too much pressure!
Amália Rodrigues left in the dust! Even an ator moves faster than that!
Cristiano Ronaldo mouths off on the inbound pass! A futebolista venting about the o golo vencedor!
Halftime whistle. Charlie Kirk spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Fun fact: Charlie Kirk got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
André Ventura with the contested finger roll from mid-range! No good! Bad selection!
This top-tier talent Amália Rodrigues can't close out! The legs are shot back to the basket!
This league veteran André Ventura with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
This respected competitor LP fouls hard out of frustration! Ego the size of Texas showing!
Cristiano Ronaldo walks off in defeat! Even a futebolista's skills couldn't save tonight!
Charlie Kirk scratches the back of his neck nervously. Amália Rodrigues has the look of someone who has seen things. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Jornada 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
74-118 (D)
André Ventura sets the tone early! The político came to play tonight!
A reverse layup attempt by Charlie Kirk falls short! Sometimes predictable game in the legs!
Cristiano Ronaldo with the errant pass! This global icon needs to settle down!
Cristiano Ronaldo gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the o golo vencedor on a rough day!
LP argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to triturarring the o solo ardente!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Amália Rodrigues picks up the pace. I've been told Amália Rodrigues always puts her left shoe on first. The one day she switched, gave up 40 points. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Charlie Kirk rushes a devastating dunk facing the rim! Tendency to force bad shots creeping in!
André Ventura crosses over but the legs won't cooperate! Heavy feet catching up!
This living legend Cristiano Ronaldo commits the offensive foul! Turnover at the top of the key!
Cristiano Ronaldo throws their hands up! Like a futebolista when the suas chuteiras breaks!
Despite the loss, Cristiano Ronaldo held their own with the o golo vencedor! The futebolista fought!
Cristiano Ronaldo clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Charlie Kirk fidgets with his wristband nervously. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Jornada 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
88-132 (D)
André Ventura steps onto the field house! From moldarring a política pública to this, game time!
Amália Rodrigues sends it wide! The roteiro surrado wouldn't forgive that either!
Cristiano Ronaldo loses the Wilson! A futebolista would never be this careless!
Cristiano Ronaldo beaten to the spot! Slower than a futebolista on a Monday morning!
Cristiano Ronaldo slams the pill in frustration! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
The players leave the court. Charlie Kirk clings to the tunnel railing. Fun fact: Charlie Kirk was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Cristiano Ronaldo sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this futebolista!
Amália Rodrigues is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure ator stubbornness!
Charlie Kirk, this do-it-all player, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted off the pick and roll!
This big-name player Amália Rodrigues hangs the head after the miss! Deflated from the right corner!
Cristiano Ronaldo sits alone on the bench. This franchise cornerstone processing the defeat.
LP punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Cristiano Ronaldo slides down the wall to the floor. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Jornada 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
77-121 (D)
LP, this do-it-all player, takes the court! The boiling cauldron is electric!
André Ventura misfires on the floater! Too much float, the político touch abandoned them!
André Ventura loses possession! A política pública never leaves a político's hands like that!
Amália Rodrigues caught flat-footed! Standing still, the ator reflexes took a nap!
LP slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a guitarrista hits the workbench!
Rest time. André Ventura isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Did you know? André Ventura once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Cristiano Ronaldo skips it off the rim! The o golo vencedor has better hop than that!
LP finds a second wind! The guitarrista engine roars back to life!
This solid pro André Ventura with turnover number points! Injury-prone body is piling up!
This generational talent Cristiano Ronaldo slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Cristiano Ronaldo walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to futebolista life tomorrow!
Charlie Kirk's complexion is grey. Cristiano Ronaldo's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Jornada 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
73-118 (D)
Cristiano Ronaldo bounces the ball pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
André Ventura can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the damn ball differently than a política pública!
Amália Rodrigues fires away the leather right to the defense! Costly mistake by this top-tier talent!
Cristiano Ronaldo gives up the easy bucket! Easier than marcarring the o golo vencedor!
Cristiano Ronaldo glares at the scoreboard! This guy with rings on every finger not happy with the situation!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! LP walks head down toward the tunnel. Rumor has it LP does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Amália Rodrigues misses the free throw! Encarnarring the o herói trágico under pressure is easier!
LP misses the rotation! Too tired, like a guitarrista too tired for the o solo ardente!
Cristiano Ronaldo trips up in the free-throw line! A futebolista never trips at work... Right?
This generational talent Cristiano Ronaldo stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
André Ventura fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the político gave everything!
Charlie Kirk mutters 'damn' under his breath. Amália Rodrigues says 'yeah' in the same tone. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Jornada 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
75-119 (D)
Amália Rodrigues, this elite player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Charlie Kirk, this do-it-all player, bobbles the damn ball and the chance evaporates on the low block!
Charlie Kirk passes to nobody! This certified GOAT candidate with a head-scratching decision!
This big-name player Amália Rodrigues can't recover! Scored on under the basket! Ego the size of Texas!
LP storms to the bench! Heated! This guitarrista doesn't handle losing well!
Both teams head in. Amália Rodrigues has a red mark on her cheek from an elbow. Small detail: Amália Rodrigues wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
André Ventura crosses over and fires but misses everything! Defense that's basically a suggestion tonight!
Amália Rodrigues slows down visibly! Slower than the roteiro surrado on low power!
Charlie Kirk botches the handoff! Even their bare hands exchanges go smoother!
Charlie Kirk mutters to himself walking back! This absolute legend fighting inner demons!
André Ventura, this hooper's hooper, takes the loss hard. Hot head at the wrong moments.
Cristiano Ronaldo refuses the coach's embrace. Charlie Kirk accepts it but his body is stiff. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Jornada 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
78-122 (D)
Cristiano Ronaldo wins the opening tip! Tipping off with futebolista energy!
Cristiano Ronaldo crosses over the rock awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this global icon!
André Ventura dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the político's finest moment!
Charlie Kirk bites on the pump fake! This undisputed superstar sent flying at the buzzer!
Charlie Kirk drops the head after another miss! Tendency to force bad shots sapping the confidence!
Cut! Halftime. Charlie Kirk's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Rumor has it Charlie Kirk tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
This basketball god Charlie Kirk muscles up a scoop layup but can't get it to fall!
Cristiano Ronaldo short-arms the shot from fatigue! This certified GOAT candidate has nothing left!
Intercepted! Cristiano Ronaldo's pass snatched right out of the air! A futebolista would never be that careless!
Charlie Kirk tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the conspiracy theorist will bounce back!
Charlie Kirk sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a conspiracy theorist after their bare hands broke!
Amália Rodrigues takes off her shoes and carries them like a ghost. Cristiano Ronaldo follows the same path. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Jornada 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
81-126 (D)
This hall-of-fame lock Charlie Kirk means business! Fast start from the left corner!
This potential GOAT Charlie Kirk shanks a deep three back to the basket! That's uncharacteristic!
Charlie Kirk gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a conspiracy theorist's grip!
Charlie Kirk bites on the fake! Fooled like a conspiracy theorist by counterfeit the game!
André Ventura buries their face! Hidden from view, the político can't watch!
Both teams head in. Cristiano Ronaldo has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Fun fact: Cristiano Ronaldo is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Amália Rodrigues with a wild attempt! This jersey-selling name not finding the range tonight!
André Ventura can't get lift! Legs heavy as the seu pódio de campanha after the allotted time!
LP with the lazy pass! Hot head leading to easy points!
Charlie Kirk stares in disbelief! The look of a conspiracy theorist who just lost everything!
Amália Rodrigues tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we encarnars better, like the o herói trágico!'
André Ventura lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Amália Rodrigues decides not to comment. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Jornada 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
81-125 (D)
Charlie Kirk stretches center court! Loosening up, the conspiracy theorist is getting ready!
Off the mark for LP! Great guitarrista, not so great at basketball tonight!
This top-tier talent Amália Rodrigues loses concentration and the orange with it!
This next-level player André Ventura caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Charlie Kirk storms to the bench! This basketball god is visibly upset!
That's a wrap for now. Cristiano Ronaldo dives into the tunnel. Did you know Cristiano Ronaldo entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
André Ventura, this seasoned vet, sends the Wilson wide! The touch is off tonight!
Amália Rodrigues is gassed! More tired than after a full day of encarnarring the o herói trágico!
André Ventura, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the ball poked away! Lack of consistency when protecting the pill!
André Ventura, this well-respected player, with the frustrated foul! Sometimes predictable game in tough moments!
Charlie Kirk wipes a tear! A conspiracy theorist who poured everything into the effort!
Cristiano Ronaldo sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Charlie Kirk has his head in his hands. I learned that Cristiano Ronaldo's father was a conspiracy theorist. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Jornada 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
87-132 (D)
Opening possession for LP! First touch, like first touch of the sua guitarra elétrica!
Charlie Kirk bricks it! Not the same accuracy as competing the game!
André Ventura coughs it up! A político's grip doesn't work on the Spalding!
Charlie Kirk, this do-it-all player, gets dunked on off the pick and roll! Poster material!
LP can't mask the disappointment! This established player wearing it on the sleeve!
Break time. Charlie Kirk bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Little scoop: Charlie Kirk collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
André Ventura launches from deep and misses! A político's range doesn't apply here!
This franchise cornerstone Cristiano Ronaldo signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Limited stamina!
Charlie Kirk takes off carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
LP glares at the damn ball! Like it personally betrayed this guitarrista!
Amália Rodrigues tips the cap to the winners! The ator's grace with the o herói trágico!
Cristiano Ronaldo takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Charlie Kirk follows the same path. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Jornada 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
81-125 (D)
Charlie Kirk takes the court to a cathedral silence! The conspiracy theorist with their bare hands is here!
Amália Rodrigues misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the o herói trágico!
Charlie Kirk turns it over in the right wing! Butterfingers from this conspiracy theorist!
Amália Rodrigues, this combo guard, gets blown by on the perimeter! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the legs!
André Ventura, this smooth operator, sits down hard on the bench! Ego the size of Texas written all over his face!
Rest time. LP isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Rumor has it LP does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Cristiano Ronaldo, this swiss-army-knife type, wastes a golden chance with a wild euro-step!
Charlie Kirk is cramping up! This generational talent trying to shake it off! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Amália Rodrigues forces the pass! Forcing the roteiro surrado where it doesn't fit!
Charlie Kirk walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
Cristiano Ronaldo looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a futebolista!
LP's eyes are glassy. Amália Rodrigues mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Jornada 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
85-129 (D)
This all-time great Cristiano Ronaldo comes out aggressive! Opens with a buzzer beater from downtown!
André Ventura rises up the orange into nothing! Tendency to rush on full display tonight!
Amália Rodrigues throws it into the stands! What was that from this bonafide star!
LP gambles for the steal and pays the price! Sometimes predictable game!
Charlie Kirk vents at their teammates! The conspiracy theorist who vents about the game!
Break! André Ventura has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Juicy anecdote: André Ventura was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
André Ventura bobbles and misses! Fumbling the Wilson like it's a Monday morning!
André Ventura attacks a step slower than usual! Injury-prone body in the tank!
Cristiano Ronaldo charges right into the defender! Turnover! Tendency to rush when controlling pace!
LP fades away away from the huddle! This name that's buzzing in a dark place mentally!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this swiss-army-knife type, trudges off the arena. Lessons to take from this one.
Charlie Kirk's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Amália Rodrigues breathes through her nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Tonight I had a revelation: Amália Rodrigues runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Jornada 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
85-130 (D)
This next-level player André Ventura gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Amália Rodrigues shoots short! Not enough juice! Even an ator would cringe!
LP double-dribbles! Triturarring the o solo ardente doesn't have that rule!
LP beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the o solo ardente slipping from a guitarrista!
Amália Rodrigues looks to the heavens! An ator praying for the roteiro surrado to work!
Break! Amália Rodrigues grabs an ice bag and slaps it on her knee. They say Amália Rodrigues has a ritual where she touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Charlie Kirk rattles it out! Shaking the gymnasium with their bare hands intensity!
Amália Rodrigues, this do-it-all player, looks exhausted off the pick and roll! The legs are gone!
Charlie Kirk gets picked! A conspiracy theorist getting the game stolen in broad daylight!
Amália Rodrigues pulls up the towel! This elite player showing sometimes predictable game!
Charlie Kirk walks off in silence. This undisputed superstar gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Charlie Kirk pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Amália Rodrigues takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Mortos fc finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Charlie Kirk.
Diário da temporada Mortos fc
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