Mi quinteto ideal — basketball_team 🇪🇸
5 miembros · TeamBranch
Diario de temporada
Clasificación
| # | Team | V | D | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pretemporada
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Shaquille O'Neal. Standing at 216 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Michael Scofield. Profession? Ingeniero. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with su regla de cálculo, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into la estructura imposible could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. The budget is like the guy who goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, orders one entree and splits the dessert. It's not poverty, but it's not the high life either. They've got a decent roster, nobody's complaining, but nobody's saying "damn, what a squad" either. Solid without being spectacular. The kind of team that beats you on a Tuesday and you've forgotten about them by Wednesday morning. But underestimate them and they'll make you pay.
Jornada 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
73-118 (D)
Shaquille O'Neal, this living legend, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Vladímir Putin clanks another one off the rim! This basketball god needs to find rhythm!
Shaquille O'Neal passes to nobody! This generational talent with a head-scratching decision!
Anuel AA gives up the easy bucket! Easier than escupirring the las barras ardientes!
This established player Michael Scofield slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Halftime! Michael Scofield has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. True story: Michael Scofield walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Detroit Engine-Roar. Awkward. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Shaquille O'Neal misfires from mid-range! This household name searching for answers!
Ozuna, this next-level player, sucking wind after that sprint! The four quarters of battle!
Shaquille O'Neal with the lazy pass! Hot head leading to easy points!
This established player Michael Scofield stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Anuel AA wipes a tear! A rapero o rapera who poured everything into the effort!
Vladímir Putin takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Michael Scofield follows the same path. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Jornada 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
117-95 (V)
Vladímir Putin gets the starting nod! An especialista de riesgo starting with the su colchoneta de caída confidence!
Shaquille O'Neal, this absolute legend, unleashes a catch-and-shoot triple along the baseline! Bang!
Michael Scofield shuts the door from way beyond the arc! That's how you play defense!
This first-ballot legend Shaquille O'Neal with the one-handed bullet pass! Right on the money!
This name that's buzzing Ozuna uses the floater over this combo guard coverage! Smart!
Back to the locker room. Anuel AA punches his locker. Juicy intel: Anuel AA turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Vladímir Putin, this hall-of-fame lock, drops a free throw at the buzzer! Pure artistry!
A Playoff atmosphere as Vladímir Putin warms up with some especialista de riesgo moves!
Anuel AA finds the open teammate! This league veteran making everyone better!
Shaquille O'Neal, this long boy, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this household name right now!
Michael Scofield finishes what they started! Finishing the rock like finishing the la estructura imposible!
Ozuna dumps his Gatorade on Vladímir Putin who screams because it was cold. Anuel AA piles on. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Jornada 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
96-94 (V)
Shaquille O'Neal, this giant, announced to huge cheers! A roaring arena!
Michael Scofield a defensive stop with authority! This tweener protecting the paint!
Ozuna, this next-level player, with the shot-clock heave! No good from way beyond the arc!
Ozuna scores off the inbound! That's the preparation of a rapero o rapera right there!
This hooper's hooper Anuel AA attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Halftime. Ozuna throws his towel on the floor walking in. Little scoop: Ozuna logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Shaquille O'Neal crosses over for the lead! A pull-up jumper along the baseline! What a moment!
Ozuna with the strip! Snatched the Wilson clean, that's a rapero o rapera with quick hands!
Deafening noise! Michael Scofield pulls up and the building shakes!
Ozuna with the pressure-proof bank shot from way beyond the arc! During crunch time!
Michael Scofield finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers an ingeniero would be proud of!
Vladímir Putin and Ozuna carry Anuel AA like a trophy across the entire court. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Jornada 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
74-119 (D)
Vladímir Putin steps onto the arena! From ejecutarring the el truco atrevido to this, game time!
An alley-oop from Ozuna sails wide! This well-respected player needs to regroup!
Ozuna, this smooth operator, gets stripped under the basket! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
Michael Scofield bites on the pump fake! This established player sent flying facing the rim!
This generational talent Vladímir Putin fouls hard out of frustration! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
Halftime! Michael Scofield has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Anecdote of the day: Michael Scofield forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
This hall-of-fame lock Shaquille O'Neal short-arms a floater at half court! Not enough lift!
Anuel AA is gassed! This seasoned vet bent over at half court! Sometimes predictable game catching up!
Anuel AA loses the damn ball! A rapero o rapera would never be this careless!
Anuel AA tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the rapero o rapera will bounce back!
Ozuna gave it everything! Everything a rapero o rapera has, left on the court!
Anuel AA replays the score in his head on a loop. Ozuna tries to think about something else. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Jornada 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
73-118 (D)
Michael Scofield announces themselves! The ingeniero has arrived and the building knows it!
Ozuna misfires from downtown! Even this player making noise has off nights!
Ozuna botches the handoff! Even the su micrófono abierto exchanges go smoother!
This living legend Shaquille O'Neal picks up the cheap foul! Heavy feet showing!
Ozuna, this tweener, throws the hands up! Exasperated off the pick and roll!
Halftime. Shaquille O'Neal throws his towel on the floor walking in. Fun fact: Shaquille O'Neal is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Anuel AA sends it wide! The su micrófono abierto wouldn't forgive that either!
Ozuna, this guy with a proven track record, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Shaquille O'Neal takes off the orange right to the defense! Costly mistake by this once-in-a-lifetime player!
Vladímir Putin slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than an especialista de riesgo hits the workbench!
Ozuna consoles teammates! The heart of a rapero o rapera in that moment!
Shaquille O'Neal watches the crowd file out in silence. Vladímir Putin prefers not to look. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Jornada 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
100-116 (D)
Ozuna blows past with energy from the opening whistle! This league veteran locked in!
Anuel AA skips it off the rim! The las barras ardientes has better hop than that!
Anuel AA coughs it up! A rapero o rapera's grip doesn't work on the ball!
Shaquille O'Neal, this walking skyscraper, gets dunked on at the top of the key! Poster material!
A scoop layup from Ozuna at the top of the key! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Halftime. Michael Scofield throws his towel on the floor walking in. Did you know? Michael Scofield once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Shaquille O'Neal picks up the second technical! This household name ejected! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Vladímir Putin misfires on the floater! Too much float, the especialista de riesgo touch abandoned them!
This global icon Shaquille O'Neal calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Vladímir Putin, this undersized spark plug, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Ozuna shakes hands through the pain! A rapero o rapera who respects the su micrófono abierto and the game!
Shaquille O'Neal chews his nails on the bench. Vladímir Putin stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Jornada 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
89-133 (D)
Anuel AA starts in the center! Playing the center way a rapero o rapera plays with the su micrófono abierto!
Michael Scofield air-mails a devastating dunk in the paint! Way off for this player on the come-up!
Turnover by Ozuna! Escupirring the las barras ardientes requires less coordination, clearly!
This first-ballot legend Shaquille O'Neal gives up the offensive rebound! Tendency to rush when boxing out!
Vladímir Putin walks away muttering! Muttering about the el truco atrevido under their breath!
Halftime! Michael Scofield looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Anecdote: Michael Scofield fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Michael Scofield blows past the rock right into the defender's hands! Heavy feet!
Shaquille O'Neal, this towering presence, laboring up and down! Tendency to rush draining the energy!
Michael Scofield, this smooth operator, fumbles the entry pass in the paint!
Ozuna shakes their head! A rapero o rapera who can't believe that just happened!
Vladímir Putin attacks past the media. This undisputed superstar not in the mood to talk.
Anuel AA replays the score in his head on a loop. Shaquille O'Neal tries to think about something else. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Anuel AA's name. Forgive me. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Jornada 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
85-130 (D)
This dude putting the league on notice Michael Scofield comes out aggressive! Opens with a layup at half court!
Ozuna with the off-balance and-one! This established player couldn't set the feet!
This player making noise Michael Scofield gets pickpocketed from downtown! Sloppy handling!
Shaquille O'Neal, this long boy, gets exploited in the switch! Occasional mental lapses exposed in the mismatch!
Anuel AA can't mask the disappointment! This seasoned vet wearing it on the sleeve!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Anuel AA walks head down toward the tunnel. True story: Anuel AA walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Minnesota Ice-Wall. Awkward. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Michael Scofield misses the open look! An ingeniero never misses the la estructura imposible... But misses the rock!
Vladímir Putin gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like an especialista de riesgo begging the el truco atrevido for mercy!
Anuel AA with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost rapero o rapera!
Michael Scofield, this league veteran, barks at the teammate! Limited stamina taking over!
Shaquille O'Neal walks off in silence. This basketball god gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Anuel AA mutters while walking out. Ozuna watches from the corner of his eye, worried. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Jornada 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
80-117 (D)
Ozuna, this versatile guy, takes the court! The immense pressure is electric!
Anuel AA misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim the su micrófono abierto at the las barras ardientes!
Anuel AA gets the ball stripped! The las barras ardientes would have stayed in a rapero o rapera's grip!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal can't recover! Scored on at the top of the key! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Anuel AA dishes the towel! This well-respected player showing ego the size of Texas!
Break. Michael Scofield collapses next to the vending machine. Did you know Michael Scofield knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Houston Blast-Off's colors. By accident, obviously. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Vladímir Putin sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this especialista de riesgo!
Michael Scofield leans on their knees! Gassed, but the ingeniero keeps going!
Michael Scofield with the backcourt violation! This guy with a proven track record under too much pressure!
Shaquille O'Neal slams the pill in frustration! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Vladímir Putin sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like an especialista de riesgo after the su colchoneta de caída broke!
Michael Scofield refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Shaquille O'Neal watches it and immediately regrets it. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Jornada 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
91-125 (D)
Anuel AA, this combo guard, sets the tone immediately! A gym-rat work ethic from the jump!
Vladímir Putin launches a bank shot and... Airball! Tendency to rush at its peak!
Ozuna commits the live-ball turnover! The su micrófono abierto would be ashamed!
This well-respected player Anuel AA caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
End of the second quarter. Michael Scofield is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Rumor has it Michael Scofield has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Anuel AA gets blocked! Rejected harder than a rapero o rapera's worst day on the job!
Michael Scofield misses from fatigue! This guy with a proven track record can't get the elevation from mid-range!
Michael Scofield gets picked! An ingeniero getting the la estructura imposible stolen in broad daylight!
Michael Scofield is visibly upset! Upset as an ingeniero when the la estructura imposible goes sideways!
This solid pro Ozuna shakes hands and moves on. In the end, ego the size of Texas proved costly.
Anuel AA isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Ozuna tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Jornada 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
85-127 (D)
Michael Scofield fires up the crowd to open the game! This established player starting strong!
Vladímir Putin misses on a strategic timeout! An especialista de riesgo dropping the el truco atrevido at the worst time!
Vladímir Putin goes to work carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Anuel AA loses their assignment! Like losing the su micrófono abierto in the workshop!
Shaquille O'Neal glares at the scoreboard! This all-time great not happy with the situation!
Halftime! Vladímir Putin looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Exclusive: Vladímir Putin was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Michael Scofield can't convert! The ingeniero's touch with the la estructura imposible deserted them!
Michael Scofield asks for ice! Cooling down, even an ingeniero's engine needs a rest!
Ozuna throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the rapero o rapera got too confident!
Ozuna kicks the air! The frustration of a rapero o rapera who knows they can do better!
Anuel AA hangs their head! A rapero o rapera who gave everything they had!
Ozuna clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Michael Scofield fidgets with his wristband nervously. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Jornada 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
76-120 (D)
Ozuna bounces the leather pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Ozuna misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
Anuel AA double-dribbles! Escupirring the las barras ardientes doesn't have that rule!
Anuel AA gives up the back door! Occasional mental lapses when overplaying!
Vladímir Putin stares in disbelief! The look of an especialista de riesgo who just lost everything!
The players head to the locker room. Vladímir Putin is sweating like a racehorse. Confession: Vladímir Putin believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Vladímir Putin can't find the range! The su colchoneta de caída has better accuracy than that!
This well-respected player Anuel AA can't close out! The legs are shot in the paint!
This seasoned vet Anuel AA commits the 5-second violation! Clock management hot head!
This absolute legend Vladímir Putin throws an elbow in frustration! Injury-prone body on full display!
Vladímir Putin walks off in defeat! Even an especialista de riesgo's skills couldn't save tonight!
Anuel AA pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Shaquille O'Neal takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Jornada 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
85-129 (D)
Ozuna stretches center court! Loosening up, the rapero o rapera is getting ready!
Michael Scofield can't buy a bucket! Maybe the la estructura imposible would be easier to aim!
Michael Scofield trips up in half court! An ingeniero never trips at work... Right?
Vladímir Putin gets blown by! Even an especialista de riesgo couldn't stop that!
Michael Scofield mutters to himself walking back! This seasoned vet fighting inner demons!
Halftime whistle. Michael Scofield flops into the first available chair. Bus driver's confession: Michael Scofield raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Anuel AA, this swiss-army-knife type, can't finish facing the rim! That one stings!
Ozuna waves for a timeout! The rapero o rapera needs the las barras ardientes break!
Michael Scofield dribbles it off their foot! The su regla de cálculo would never betray an ingeniero like that!
Shaquille O'Neal, this absolute unit, waves off the play call! Defense that's basically a suggestion hurting the team!
This basketball god Shaquille O'Neal leaves the hardwood with head held high. Fought to the end.
Anuel AA's lip is trembling. Ozuna dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Jornada 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
92-124 (D)
Tip-off! Shaquille O'Neal gets us started! Let's go!
Shaquille O'Neal forces a bad devastating dunk! This hall-of-fame lock needs to trust teammates!
Michael Scofield, this solid build, gets the ball poked away! Sometimes predictable game when protecting the pill!
Shaquille O'Neal gets burned on the drive! Occasional mental lapses in lateral movement!
Shaquille O'Neal, this towering presence, uses strength and skill for a bank shot! Complete player!
The players head to the locker room. Anuel AA is sweating like a racehorse. Did you know? Anuel AA once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Shaquille O'Neal, this undisputed superstar, with the frustrated foul! Limited stamina in tough moments!
Vladímir Putin misfires! The especialista de riesgo's precision with the el truco atrevido is nowhere to be found!
Michael Scofield traps with the double! Trapping them, the ingeniero knows how to corner prey!
Shaquille O'Neal penetrates but can't sustain the effort! Lack of consistency emptying the tank!
Ozuna had the chances but couldn't convert. This next-level player left wanting.
Michael Scofield's eyes are red, jaw tight. Ozuna apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Jornada 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
79-124 (D)
Shaquille O'Neal, this guy with rings on every finger, embraces the roaring arena! Game on!
Shaquille O'Neal fires a fadeaway jumper from the right corner but can't connect! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
This potential GOAT Shaquille O'Neal forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Ozuna falls asleep on the weak side! Ego the size of Texas exposed!
Vladímir Putin argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to ejecutarring the el truco atrevido!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Michael Scofield walks head down toward the tunnel. Exclusive info: Michael Scofield is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
A bank shot from Vladímir Putin goes in and out! Heartbreaking from mid-range!
Vladímir Putin calls for the sub! Even an especialista de riesgo's stamina with the su colchoneta de caída has limits!
Anuel AA with the careless pass! Escupirring the las barras ardientes with more care, please!
Ozuna storms to the bench! Heated! This rapero o rapera doesn't handle losing well!
Michael Scofield leaves the gymnasium quietly! Quiet as an ingeniero after the la estructura imposible setback!
Vladímir Putin has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Michael Scofield has aged ten years in forty minutes. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
My Team finishes #16 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Diario de la temporada
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