My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇨🇳
5 members · by 东北雨姐 · TeamBranch
赛季日志
积分榜
| # | Team | 胜 | 负 | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
季前赛
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. 姚明. Standing at 229 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's 林彪. A 軍人 in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their service rifle better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. 林彪 has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the frontline and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. Budget-wise, we're playing in "almost elite" territory. The owner reaches into his pockets without flinching, the GM has room to make moves, and the roster oozes competence. This is the team that can beat anyone in a seven-game series and scares the top seeds. The only problem? When you're chasing a title, "almost" is a damn dirty word. But tonight, we'll see if they can go from "almost" to "finally."
比赛日 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
87-122 (负)
The venue welcomes 林彪! The 軍人 with the frontline has arrived!
A finger roll attempt by 林彪 falls short! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the legs!
This solid pro 贾伦·布朗 gets pickpocketed off the pick and roll! Sloppy handling!
This established player 贾伦·布朗 misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
金正恩 storms to the bench! Heated! This 政治人物 doesn't handle losing well!
Halftime! 金正恩 walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Fun fact: 金正恩 is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
林彪 denied by the basket! Even a 軍人 can't pry it open!
蔣中正, this tweener, looks exhausted under the basket! The legs are gone!
金正恩 loses the orange! A 政治人物 would never be this careless!
蔣中正 slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a 軍人 hits the workbench!
蔣中正 looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a 軍人!
金正恩 pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. 姚明 takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
比赛日 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
109-110 (负)
Opening possession for 金正恩! First touch, like first touch of their campaign podium!
林彪 hits at with seconds left on the clock! Clutch like a 軍人 meeting a deadline!
蔣中正 fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a 軍人 chasing the frontline!
This top-tier talent 姚明 misses the mark! A tear drop goes begging in transition!
姚明 sparks the comeback! A reverse layup at half court! This headliner leads the charge!
Halftime! 林彪 looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Rumor has it 林彪 has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
姚明 can't handle the pressure! This jersey-selling name folds in coming out of the locker room!
This hall-of-fame lock 金正恩 shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
蔣中正 proves that defending the frontline builds character for the floor!
贾伦·布朗, this name that's buzzing, air-balls in the first quarter! The crowd is stunned!
金正恩 tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we shapes better, like the public policy!'
林彪's eyes are glassy. 蔣中正 mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
比赛日 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
103-98 (胜)
蔣中正 steps onto the gymnasium! From defending the frontline to this, game time!
蔣中正 makes the stop! Stopping power of a 軍人 in full force!
贾伦·布朗 can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this dude putting the league on notice!
金正恩 scoops it up and in! The touch of a 政治人物 with the public policy!
This living legend 蔣中正 recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
The players disappear into the tunnel. 林彪 asks for an ice pack. Did you know 林彪 entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
This big-name player 姚明 with the heroic clutch steal! Preserves the lead!
This elite player 姚明 with the volleyball spike a perfect contest! Emphatic!
The fans sense it coming! The energy is building as 姚明 gets hot!
金正恩 delivers at the jump ball! A 政治人物 who always delivers on time!
姚明 grabs the game ball! This jersey-selling name earned it tonight!
金正恩 and 林彪 leap onto each other like kids. 贾伦·布朗 comes sprinting in and crushes them both. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
比赛日 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
108-93 (胜)
林彪 sets the tone early! The 軍人 came to play tonight!
贾伦·布朗 with the decisive layup! Ridiculous creativity when it matters most!
林彪 locks down their opponent! Tight as a 軍人 gripping their service rifle!
This player on the come-up 贾伦·布朗 orchestrates the offense in transition! Maestro!
This elite player 林彪 adjusts the angle mid-drive! That dawg mentality body control!
Halftime. 金正恩 glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Confession: 金正恩 believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
姚明 scores at will! A deep three from the right corner! This world-class player domination!
林彪 throws the headband to the crowd! Better than throwing the frontline!
林彪, this jersey-selling name, communicates the switch! An unmatched feel for the game and vocal leadership!
The stadium knows it! 林彪 is special! This max-contract guy writing legacy!
蔣中正 seals the win! Sealed tight, the 軍人 gets it done!
金正恩 and 林彪 attempt an elaborate handshake. They miss three times. 贾伦·布朗 films the whole thing. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
比赛日 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
111-94 (胜)
贾伦·布朗, this hooper's hooper, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
林彪, this swiss-army-knife type, with a silky off-balance shot at half court! Smooth operator!
蔣中正, this versatile guy, contests without fouling! Clean as a whistle!
金正恩 with the touch pass! This first-ballot legend barely had the rock and found the man!
This All-Star caliber talent 姚明 calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
End of the first half. 金正恩 is beet red but still standing. Anecdote: 金正恩 lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
林彪 hits the pull-up jumper! The elevation of a 軍人 lifting their service rifle!
姚明, this world-class player, feeds off every decibel! A cathedral silence is fuel!
林彪 barks out defensive calls! The voice of their service rifle echoes across the den!
This game belongs to 姚明! This franchise guy stamping authority from downtown!
蔣中正 salutes the fans! A 軍人's farewell until the next frontline!
金正恩 makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. 林彪 makes the 'call us' gesture. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
比赛日 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
112-107 (胜)
林彪 huddles with the team! Huddling up, the 軍人 strategizes!
姚明, this mammoth, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by unreal swagger!
That one wasn't even close, 林彪! Stick to defending the frontline!
姚明, this long boy, showcases next-level basketball IQ with a gorgeous half-court heave!
姚明, this world-class player, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a euro-step!
Players head to the locker room. 贾伦·布朗 has tape on three fingers. I've been told 贾伦·布朗 once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
林彪 scores the go-ahead! Leading from the front, true 軍人 mentality!
蔣中正, this all-around player, contests everything from the left corner! Iron discipline on full display!
贾伦·布朗 soaks in a boiling cauldron! This player on the come-up living for these moments!
贾伦·布朗 nails the free throws to ice it! This dude putting the league on notice with steady hands!
林彪 gets the post-game interview! 'It's like defending the frontline,' they say!
金正恩 rips the net off the rim. 林彪 wraps it around his neck like a scarf. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
比赛日 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
96-122 (负)
蔣中正, this tweener, sets the tone immediately! Night-in night-out consistency from the jump!
This franchise cornerstone 金正恩 short-arms a floater at the buzzer! Not enough lift!
This household name 金正恩 commits the 5-second violation! Clock management lack of consistency!
姚明 reacts too late to rotate! Sometimes predictable game on the help side!
This living legend 蔣中正 with a vintage off-balance shot! The old magic is still there!
Rest. 贾伦·布朗 buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. I've been told 贾伦·布朗 once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
金正恩, this basketball god, barks at the teammate! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
贾伦·布朗 with a wild attempt! This player making noise not finding the range tonight!
金正恩 positions perfectly in the three-point line! Placement of their campaign podium on the public policy!
贾伦·布朗, this respected competitor, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
金正恩 leaves the hardwood quietly! Quiet as a 政治人物 after the public policy setback!
姚明 walks head down toward the tunnel. 林彪 drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
比赛日 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
102-110 (负)
This absolute legend 金正恩 catches the pill early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
林彪 just barely misses! Close as a 軍人 getting the frontline almost right!
姚明, this titan, gets stripped off the pick and roll! Sometimes predictable game exposed!
蔣中正, this smooth operator, gets dunked on at the buzzer! Poster material!
姚明 with another thunderous slam! You can't stop this man!
That's a wrap for now. 贾伦·布朗 dives into the tunnel. Fun fact: 贾伦·布朗 failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
林彪 shoots angrily after the turnover! This established star spiraling!
林彪 misses at the buzzer! A 軍人 who missed the deadline!
贾伦·布朗 reads the defense perfectly! Scary good handles and a sky-high basketball IQ!
蔣中正 calls for the sub! Even a 軍人's stamina with their service rifle has limits!
This franchise cornerstone 金正恩 shakes hands and moves on. In the end, defense that's basically a suggestion proved costly.
金正恩 bites the inside of his cheek. 林彪 pinches the bridge of his nose. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
比赛日 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
106-103 (胜)
林彪 gets the starting nod! A 軍人 starting with their service rifle confidence!
蔣中正, this combo guard, alters the shot! Ridiculous creativity at the rim!
金正恩 skips it off the rim! The public policy has better hop than that!
What a shot from 金正恩! A 政治人物 bringing their campaign podium energy to the venue!
金正恩 with the perfect cut! Precision of a 政治人物 with their campaign podium!
Break! 贾伦·布朗 takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Fun fact: 贾伦·布朗 tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
姚明 with the clutch rebound! This certified bucket fighting for every ball!
This name that's buzzing 贾伦·布朗 with the no-foul contest from downtown! Clean as a whistle!
This established star 林彪 gets the crowd into it! A cathedral silence at fever pitch!
贾伦·布朗, this hooper's hooper, orchestrates the last possession! A half-court heave! Perfection!
姚明 pulls up in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
金正恩 and 姚明 pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
比赛日 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
120-103 (胜)
金正恩 stretches center court! Loosening up, the 政治人物 is getting ready!
金正恩 finishes with flair! Showmanship of a 政治人物 presenting the public policy!
姚明, this walking skyscraper, smothers the ball-handler! No options!
林彪 reads the defense! Studying them like it's 軍人 homework!
金正恩 goes to the post! That 政治人物 strength is showing!
Halftime. 姚明 glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Locker room anecdote: 姚明 talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
金正恩 with the tough sky hook through contact! This once-in-a-lifetime player won't be denied!
You can feel a standing ovation through the screen! 姚明 in the spotlight!
林彪 provides the spark! Electric energy, the 軍人 is firing on all cylinders!
The announcers share 金正恩's 政治人物 story,shaping the public policy since age 16!
林彪 ends on a high note! A 軍人 who finishes strong every time!
金正恩 and 蔣中正 carry 姚明 like a trophy across the entire court. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
比赛日 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
90-107 (负)
姚明 rises up with energy from the opening whistle! This big-name player locked in!
林彪 fires an off-balance shot from the left corner but can't connect! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
This world-class player 姚明 dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
姚明 gets caught flat-footed! This top-tier talent beaten to the spot!
This franchise cornerstone 蔣中正 punishes the defense with a scoop layup under the basket!
Halftime. 蔣中正 throws his towel on the floor walking in. True story: 蔣中正 had his parking spot stolen by New York Over-Timers's mascot. Still talks about it. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
金正恩 kicks the air! The frustration of a 政治人物 who knows they can do better!
金正恩 rushes a double-clutch layup in transition! Shaky emotions under pressure creeping in!
This certified GOAT candidate 金正恩 sets the back screen! Silky smooth technique off-ball contribution!
贾伦·布朗 is gassed! This seasoned vet bent over at half court! Injury-prone body catching up!
姚明 penetrates to the tunnel in disappointment. This reliable star will learn from this.
金正恩 punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. 林彪 slides down the wall to the floor. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
比赛日 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
94-120 (负)
This certified bucket 姚明 means business! Fast start at half court!
姚明 with a rough deep three driving to the hoop! Defense that's basically a suggestion at the worst time!
姚明 fires away the basketball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this reliable star!
金正恩 loses their assignment! Like losing their campaign podium in the workshop!
贾伦·布朗 strings together a deep three off the pick and roll. Pure God-given talent on full display!
Halftime! 贾伦·布朗 has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Did you know? 贾伦·布朗 once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
金正恩 tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the 政治人物 will bounce back!
蔣中正 misfires! The 軍人's precision with the frontline is nowhere to be found!
林彪 outsmarts the opponent! The brains of a 軍人 with their service rifle!
姚明, this titan, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
林彪 shakes hands through the pain! A 軍人 who respects their service rifle and the game!
金正恩 collapses into the first available chair. 林彪 stays standing, eyes glazed over. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
比赛日 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
78-122 (负)
姚明, this max-contract guy, embraces the incredible energy! Game on!
林彪 clanks another one off the rim! This All-Star caliber talent needs to find rhythm!
贾伦·布朗 throws it into the stands! What was that from this player making noise!
金正恩 caught flat-footed! Standing still, the 政治人物 reflexes took a nap!
林彪, this solid build, waves off the play call! Shaky emotions under pressure hurting the team!
The players head in. 贾伦·布朗 slips on the wet tunnel floor. Did you know 贾伦·布朗 knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Boston Ring-Chasers's colors. By accident, obviously. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
姚明, this reliable star, comes up empty! A reverse layup off target at the buzzer!
林彪 soldiers on! The soldier who defends the frontline with their service rifle!
金正恩 with the backcourt violation! This potential GOAT under too much pressure!
林彪 can't hide the frustration! Their service rifle frustration meets the damn ball frustration!
姚明 dunks past the media. This max-contract guy not in the mood to talk.
贾伦·布朗 sits on the floor in the hallway. 林彪 sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
比赛日 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
102-115 (负)
贾伦·布朗 fires away onto the floor! The crowd roars for this name that's buzzing!
The rim rejects 林彪! The rim says no! Even a 軍人 gets rejected sometimes!
林彪 forces the pass! Forcing their service rifle where it doesn't fit!
蔣中正 gets blown by! Even a 軍人 couldn't stop that!
This hooper's hooper 贾伦·布朗 capitalizes in the paint! An alley-oop with ridiculous creativity!
Halftime whistle. 金正恩 high-fives his teammates on the way out. Small detail: 金正恩 wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
贾伦·布朗 fires away and kicks the stanchion! This respected competitor losing composure!
金正恩 can't score in the fourth quarter! This 政治人物 is way off tonight!
林彪 makes the hockey pass! Eyes in the back of the head finding the extra pass!
贾伦·布朗 grabs the shorts! This league veteran is running on fumes!
林彪 wipes a tear! A 軍人 who poured everything into the effort!
金正恩 stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. 蔣中正 exhales. Again. And again. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
比赛日 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
73-117 (负)
金正恩 announces themselves! The 政治人物 has arrived and the building knows it!
林彪, this smooth operator, can't finish from mid-range! That one stings!
蔣中正, this swiss-army-knife type, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted back to the basket!
蔣中正 watches helplessly! A 軍人 watching the frontline fall off the shelf!
姚明 can't mask the disappointment! This certified bucket wearing it on the sleeve!
Halftime. The physio pounces on 姚明 to massage his thighs. Anecdote of the day: 姚明 forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
贾伦·布朗, this titan, wastes a golden chance with a wild pull-up jumper!
金正恩 is gassed! More tired than after a full day of shaping the public policy!
蔣中正, this combo guard, gets called for the carry! Tendency to force bad shots in ball-handling!
林彪 is visibly upset! Upset as a 軍人 when the frontline goes sideways!
贾伦·布朗, this towering presence, trudges off the palace of hoops. Lessons to take from this one.
林彪 refuses Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest's handshake. 蔣中正 offers a limp one with just his fingertips. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
My Team ends the season #10 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: 姚明.
Season journal
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