My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇻🇳
5 members · TeamBranch
Nhật ký mùa giải
Bảng xếp hạng
| # | Team | T | B | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Trước mùa giải
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Zhang Fei. Just the name sends chills through the building. The man is massive, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Zhuge Liang. A kỹ sư. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a kỹ sư, with their slide rule, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Zhuge Liang has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the impossible structure with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
Vòng đấu 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
85-130 (B)
Confucius locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a nhà triết học who means business!
Zhuge Liang misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the impossible structure!
Zhang Fei with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the frontline!
Zhuge Liang left in the dust! Even a kỹ sư moves faster than that!
Confucius can't hide the frustration! Their thought experiment frustration meets the Spalding frustration!
Break! Confucius rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Small detail: Confucius wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Air ball from Zhang Fei! Being a quân nhân doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Cao Cao, this smooth operator, with tired legs in the paint! Tendency to force bad shots slowing this guy everybody knows down!
Sloppy handling by Confucius! Questioning the nature of truth is done with more finesse!
Guan Yu slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than an army officer hits the workbench!
Cao Cao refuses to make excuses! A tướng lĩnh quân đội owns the war front failures too!
Zhuge Liang takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Zhang Fei doesn't drink. Throat too tight. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Vòng đấu 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
98-121 (B)
Cao Cao, this world-class player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Confucius misfires off the pick and roll! Even this undisputed superstar has off nights!
Zhuge Liang, this all-around player, fumbles the entry pass in the paint!
Zhuge Liang watches them score! Just watching, like watching their slide rule gather dust!
Guan Yu, this tweener, uses every inch to deliver a half-court heave!
Finally a breather. Zhuge Liang has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. They say Zhuge Liang eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Cao Cao mouths off and picks up a T! Limited stamina taking over!
Zhang Fei launches the Spalding into the front rim! That's frustrating for this well-respected player!
Zhuge Liang exploits the mismatch! Finding weakness with their slide rule acumen!
Guan Yu fades away a step slower than usual! Limited stamina in the tank!
Zhang Fei gave it everything! Everything a quân nhân has, left on the court!
Zhuge Liang slams his fist on the bench. Cao Cao places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. Tonight I learned Zhuge Liang used to be a nhà triết học before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Vòng đấu 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
78-117 (B)
Zhang Fei goes to work with energy from the opening whistle! This up-and-coming baller locked in!
Brick! Guan Yu misfires off the pick and roll! Tendency to rush at the worst time!
Guan Yu throws it away! A pass worse than an army officer tossing the frontline troops!
Confucius caught flat-footed! Standing still, the nhà triết học reflexes took a nap!
Guan Yu fades away and kicks the stanchion! This max-contract guy losing composure!
The locker room. Zhuge Liang sprawls out full-length on the bench. Little secret: Zhuge Liang has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Guan Yu can't score in the second quarter! This army officer is way off tonight!
Guan Yu wipes sweat with the shorts! Drenched, the army officer has been putting in work!
Confucius throws it into the stands! What was that from this basketball god!
Cao Cao, this bonafide star, with the frustrated foul! Hot head in tough moments!
Zhang Fei walks off in defeat! Even a quân nhân's skills couldn't save tonight!
Zhuge Liang chews his nails on the bench. Zhang Fei stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Vòng đấu 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
86-110 (B)
Zhang Fei starts in the defensive anchor! Playing the defensive anchor the way a quân nhân plays with their service rifle!
Confucius, this global icon, pulls the trigger from downtown but no luck!
Confucius dribbles it off their foot! Their thought experiment would never betray a nhà triết học like that!
This guy with a proven track record Zhang Fei bites on the fake! Beaten from the right corner!
Zhuge Liang hooks it in! The arc of a kỹ sư swinging their slide rule!
Break! Zhang Fei grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know? Zhang Fei tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Guan Yu buries their face! Hidden from view, the army officer can't watch!
Confucius can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this once-in-a-lifetime player!
Guan Yu uses their size out there! The army officer has a built-in advantage!
Zhang Fei labors up the court! Trudging like a quân nhân dragging the frontline!
Zhang Fei leaves the arena quietly! Quiet as a quân nhân after the frontline setback!
Confucius's eyes are glassy. Zhang Fei mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Vòng đấu 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
93-121 (B)
This basketball god Confucius gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Zhuge Liang fires and misses facing the rim. Should have stuck with the impossible structure!
Zhuge Liang with the errant pass! This max-contract guy needs to settle down!
Confucius, this swiss-army-knife type, lets the shooter get free from mid-range! Costly lapse!
Guan Yu finishes through contact! Built tough from handling their tactical radio!
The locker room fills up. Cao Cao has already eaten three oranges. Little secret: Cao Cao listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Cao Cao throws their hands up! Like a tướng lĩnh quân đội when the battle standard breaks!
Guan Yu goes 0 for the quarter! An army officer having a rough shift with their tactical radio!
Guan Yu adjusts the tempo! Controlling the rhythm like a veteran army officer!
Zhuge Liang can barely run! The contest harder than the contest of building the impossible structure!
Confucius packs up and heads out! Packing their thought experiment, unpacking emotions!
Confucius chews his nails on the bench. Zhang Fei stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Vòng đấu 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
85-129 (B)
The game begins and Zhuge Liang is ready! You can see scary good handles written all over his face!
Zhang Fei can't hit from the low post! That zone is cursed for this quân nhân!
This max-contract guy Zhuge Liang forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Zhuge Liang loses their assignment! Like losing their slide rule in the workshop!
Cao Cao storms to the bench! Heated! This tướng lĩnh quân đội doesn't handle losing well!
Break! Zhuge Liang rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Quick anecdote about Zhuge Liang: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Confucius shoots the basketball into nothing! Sometimes predictable game on full display tonight!
Zhang Fei powers through! The quân nhân in them won't quit on the frontline!
This household name Confucius dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Confucius, this franchise cornerstone, yells at the coaching staff! Shaky emotions under pressure causing friction!
Guan Yu, this reliable star, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Confucius takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Guan Yu doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Vòng đấu 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
86-130 (B)
Zhang Fei begins their shift on the venue! A quân nhân starting the their service rifle shift!
Zhuge Liang, this headliner, comes up empty! A tear drop off target in the paint!
Cao Cao, this do-it-all player, gets the ball poked away! Tendency to force bad shots when protecting the Spalding!
Guan Yu gets screened out! Stuck behind their tactical radio like it's a wall!
Zhang Fei can't mask the disappointment! This legit talent wearing it on the sleeve!
The players head to the locker room. Confucius is sweating like a racehorse. Confession: Confucius calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Zhang Fei misses from the corner! Along the baseline is no place for their service rifle!
Cao Cao fires away but can't sustain the effort! Sometimes predictable game emptying the tank!
Zhuge Liang, this tweener, steps out of bounds with the Spalding! Mental lapse!
Zhuge Liang sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a kỹ sư after a long shift!
Zhuge Liang vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their slide rule reinforced with the impossible structure!
Confucius slams his fist on the bench. Guan Yu places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Vòng đấu 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
86-130 (B)
Confucius bounces the damn ball pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
The rim rejects Zhang Fei! The rim says no! Even a quân nhân gets rejected sometimes!
Zhuge Liang with the backcourt violation! A kỹ sư going backwards with the impossible structure!
Cao Cao overcommits! Going all-in like a tướng lĩnh quân đội on the war front, but wrong!
Confucius gets a technical for complaining! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
Break! Confucius grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Little scoop: Confucius collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Cao Cao with the contested scoop layup driving to the hoop! No good! Bad selection!
Guan Yu, this all-around player, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Cao Cao, this swiss-army-knife type, gets called for the carry! Hot head in ball-handling!
This legit talent Zhang Fei fouls hard out of frustration! Injury-prone body showing!
Confucius absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a nhà triết học knows tough days!
Zhuge Liang pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Zhang Fei takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. I got a text from Zhuge Liang after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Vòng đấu 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
82-126 (B)
Guan Yu lands the first reverse layup! First blood! The army officer strikes first!
Guan Yu can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the frontline troops, an army officer always hits!
Zhang Fei, this smooth operator, gets stripped at half court! Sometimes predictable game exposed!
Cao Cao gives up the easy bucket! Easier than rallying the war front!
Zhuge Liang kicks the air! The frustration of a kỹ sư who knows they can do better!
Halftime. Zhang Fei throws his towel on the floor walking in. Did you know Zhang Fei keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Confucius, this potential GOAT, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
This established star Cao Cao has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Cao Cao dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the tướng lĩnh quân đội's finest moment!
Confucius, this smooth operator, throws the hands up! Exasperated driving to the hoop!
Cao Cao, this established star, takes the loss hard. Hot head at the wrong moments.
Cao Cao punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Zhuge Liang slides down the wall to the floor. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Vòng đấu 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
93-130 (B)
This certified GOAT candidate Confucius comes out aggressive! Opens with a hook shot off the pick and roll!
Zhuge Liang bricks another one! Building something awful with their slide rule tonight!
Cao Cao double-dribbles! Rallying the war front doesn't have that rule!
This franchise guy Cao Cao picks up the cheap foul! Tendency to rush showing!
Guan Yu, this solid build, pounds the scorer's table! Lack of consistency on full display!
Halftime. Guan Yu wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Juicy anecdote: Guan Yu was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
This elite player Cao Cao shanks a free throw driving to the hoop! That's uncharacteristic!
Cao Cao waves for a timeout! The tướng lĩnh quân đội needs the war front break!
Guan Yu forces the pass! Forcing their tactical radio where it doesn't fit!
This certified bucket Zhuge Liang slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Zhuge Liang looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a kỹ sư!
Zhuge Liang walks toward the tunnel without a word. Zhang Fei stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Vòng đấu 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
91-129 (B)
Zhang Fei opens with an alley-oop! This player making noise making an early statement!
Zhang Fei shoots short! Not enough juice! Even a quân nhân would cringe!
Zhuge Liang loses the basketball in traffic! This franchise guy can't afford that!
Guan Yu gets blown by! Even an army officer couldn't stop that!
Zhang Fei glares at the scoreboard! This player on the come-up not happy with the situation!
Back to the locker room. Zhang Fei punches his locker. Exclusive info: Zhang Fei is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Zhuge Liang launches a scoop layup and... Airball! Limited stamina at its peak!
Zhang Fei gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like a quân nhân begging the frontline for mercy!
Confucius with a wild pass that sails out! This generational talent giving it away!
Guan Yu, this headliner, barks at the teammate! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
Confucius wipes a tear! A nhà triết học who poured everything into the effort!
Confucius's gaze is cold, distant. Guan Yu's gaze is hot, angry. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Vòng đấu 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
76-121 (B)
This reliable star Cao Cao in the starting lineup! Let's see what this reliable star brings!
This certified bucket Guan Yu throws up a prayer at half court! Not answered!
Zhuge Liang throws it away! Injury-prone body under pressure from downtown!
This world-class player Cao Cao commits the and-one foul! Limited stamina in positioning!
This jersey-selling name Zhuge Liang can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
The players head to the locker room. Guan Yu is sweating like a racehorse. Did you know? Guan Yu has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Zhang Fei with the off-balance step-back three! This next-level player couldn't set the feet!
Guan Yu slows down visibly! Slower than their tactical radio on low power!
Zhang Fei, this do-it-all player, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted in transition!
Zhang Fei posts up angrily after the turnover! This league veteran spiraling!
Confucius had the chances but couldn't convert. This first-ballot legend left wanting.
Cao Cao has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Zhang Fei has aged ten years in forty minutes. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Vòng đấu 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
77-122 (B)
Cao Cao huddles with the team! Huddling up, the tướng lĩnh quân đội strategizes!
Zhang Fei whiffs on the jumper! A quân nhân off their game with their service rifle!
Confucius coughs up the Wilson! Hot head strikes again at half court!
Cao Cao gives up the back door! Tendency to force bad shots when overplaying!
Guan Yu tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the army officer will bounce back!
Halftime! Cao Cao is limping slightly heading off the court. I've been told Cao Cao once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Zhang Fei rises up but it's well off! Sometimes predictable game under fatigue!
Zhuge Liang grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their slide rule in the workshop!
Cao Cao botches the handoff! Even the battle standard exchanges go smoother!
Guan Yu vents at their teammates! The army officer who vents about the frontline troops!
Cao Cao, this tweener, hangs the head. Tough loss despite silky smooth technique effort.
Confucius rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Guan Yu picks up his own and folds it carefully. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Vòng đấu 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
84-129 (B)
This player making noise Zhang Fei comes out firing! A scoop layup in the first minute!
Cao Cao gets blocked! Rejected harder than a tướng lĩnh quân đội's worst day on the job!
Stolen from Zhang Fei! A quân nhân who let it slip through their fingers!
Cao Cao gets posterized! A tướng lĩnh quân đội framed by the battle standard in the worst way!
This player on the come-up Zhang Fei stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Halftime. Cao Cao's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Did you know? Cao Cao tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Guan Yu shoots an air ball in a Finals-like atmosphere! An army officer lost in the noise!
Cao Cao spins but the legs won't cooperate! Occasional mental lapses catching up!
Turnover by Zhang Fei! Defending the frontline requires less coordination, clearly!
Guan Yu, this world-class player, refuses to high-five! Tendency to rush hurting the chemistry!
Zhang Fei walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to quân nhân life tomorrow!
Zhang Fei stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Guan Yu comes back to get him. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Vòng đấu 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
86-130 (B)
And we're underway! Guan Yu touches the leather first! This franchise guy looks eager!
Confucius can't find the range! Their thought experiment has better accuracy than that!
Confucius with the backcourt violation! This household name under too much pressure!
Guan Yu gets burned on the drive! Shaky emotions under pressure in lateral movement!
Guan Yu, this versatile guy, waves off the play call! Injury-prone body hurting the team!
End of the first half. Guan Yu is beet red but still standing. Anecdote: Guan Yu once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. We're back! The players look fired up.
Guan Yu misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their tactical radio at the frontline troops!
Cao Cao is gassed! More tired than after a full day of rallying the war front!
Zhuge Liang gets picked! A kỹ sư getting the impossible structure stolen in broad daylight!
Guan Yu walks away muttering! Muttering about the frontline troops under their breath!
Guan Yu shakes hands through the pain! An army officer who respects their tactical radio and the game!
Guan Yu unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Zhang Fei runs a hand down his face. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Zhang Fei.
Season journal
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