My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇳🇿
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Denver Horse-Track | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Ayman al-Zawahiri. The man is massive, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. The chef's surprise of the evening is Ayman al-Zawahiri. A combat surgeon by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
89-134 (L)
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi opens with an and-one! This once-in-a-lifetime player making an early statement!
Ayman al-Zawahiri, this franchise cornerstone, sends the damn ball wide! The touch is off tonight!
Stolen from Ramzi Yousef (born 1968)! A terrorist who let it slip through their fingers!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi gets blown by! Even a military leader couldn't stop that!
This living legend Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi throws an elbow in frustration! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Intermission. Ayman al-Zawahiri dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Juicy anecdote: Ayman al-Zawahiri was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Imad Mughniyah with the off-balance and-one! This name that's buzzing couldn't set the feet!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi cramps up! Muscles tight from the battle standard and the pill double duty!
Imad Mughniyah with the backcourt violation! A military commander going backwards with the weary battalion!
Ayman al-Zawahiri throws their hands up! Like a combat surgeon when their bare hands breaks!
Imad Mughniyah walks off in defeat! Even a military commander's skills couldn't save tonight!
Imad Mughniyah walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) drags one foot after the other. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
86-123 (L)
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, this living legend, draws first blood! A reverse layup to start!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) launches a fadeaway jumper and... Airball! Limited stamina at its peak!
Ayman al-Zawahiri rises up into a trap! Sometimes predictable game when reading the defense!
Osama bin Laden scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Sometimes predictable game!
Ayman al-Zawahiri walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
Break time. Osama bin Laden bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Did you know Osama bin Laden keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968), this name that's buzzing, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
This first-ballot legend Osama bin Laden stumbles! The fatigue is real after the 4 periods of 12 minutes!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) throws it away! A pass worse than a terrorist tossing the game!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi fires away angrily after the turnover! This living legend spiraling!
Imad Mughniyah sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a military commander after the field baton broke!
Ayman al-Zawahiri stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Osama bin Laden exhales. Again. And again. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
92-120 (L)
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968), this swiss-army-knife type, sets the tone immediately! Insane court vision from the jump!
Osama bin Laden steps back but the shot rims out! Lack of consistency rears its ugly head!
Ayman al-Zawahiri with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
Osama bin Laden loses their assignment! Like losing the theodolite in the workshop!
Imad Mughniyah hits the pull-up jumper! The elevation of a military commander lifting the field baton!
Halftime. Imad Mughniyah glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Confession: Imad Mughniyah tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
This legit talent Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
This absolute legend Osama bin Laden misses the mark! A double-clutch layup goes begging from way beyond the arc!
Ayman al-Zawahiri slows the pace when the team needs it! This certified GOAT candidate tempo control!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi finds a second wind! The military leader engine roars back to life!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, this certified GOAT candidate, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Imad Mughniyah slams his fist on the bench. Osama bin Laden places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
89-133 (L)
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) starts in the center! Playing the center way a terrorist plays with their bare hands!
An alley-oop by Imad Mughniyah from the right corner is way off! Tough night for this league veteran!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a terrorist like that!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi watches helplessly! A military leader watching the war front fall off the shelf!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) vents at their teammates! The terrorist who vents about the game!
The locker room fills up. Osama bin Laden has already eaten three oranges. Exclusive info: Osama bin Laden is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Air ball from Ayman al-Zawahiri! Being a combat surgeon doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968), this do-it-all player, looks exhausted under the basket! The legs are gone!
Turnover by Imad Mughniyah! Rallying the weary battalion requires less coordination, clearly!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the military leader will bounce back!
This guy with a proven track record Imad Mughniyah congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this guy with a proven track record.
Osama bin Laden watches the crowd file out in silence. Imad Mughniyah prefers not to look. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
76-120 (L)
Imad Mughniyah bounces the basketball pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968), this up-and-coming baller, pulls the trigger on the low block but no luck!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi trips up in the paint! A military leader never trips at work... Right?
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi can't contain the drive! Rallying the war front is more containable!
Osama bin Laden drops the head after another miss! Limited stamina sapping the confidence!
Heading in. Ayman al-Zawahiri's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Did you know Ayman al-Zawahiri keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968), this dude putting the league on notice, comes up empty! A free throw off target in the paint!
Osama bin Laden drags their feet! Heavy as the theodolite at the end of a shift!
This guy with rings on every finger Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi commits the 5-second violation! Clock management heavy feet!
Osama bin Laden slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a civil engineer hits the workbench!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the terrorist gave everything!
Osama bin Laden has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Ayman al-Zawahiri has aged ten years in forty minutes. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
81-125 (L)
Imad Mughniyah sets the tone early! The military commander came to play tonight!
Osama bin Laden misfires! The civil engineer's precision with the river gorge is nowhere to be found!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi gets the ball stripped! The war front would have stayed in a military leader's grip!
Ayman al-Zawahiri caught flat-footed! Standing still, the combat surgeon reflexes took a nap!
Osama bin Laden pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The civil engineer in them is showing!
First half is done. Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Small detail: Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Ayman al-Zawahiri, this first-ballot legend, fumbles the finish driving to the hoop! Back to the drawing board!
Ayman al-Zawahiri digs deep! Deep as a combat surgeon digs into the game!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) with the errant pass! This well-respected player needs to settle down!
Ayman al-Zawahiri mouths off at right from the tip-off! A combat surgeon venting about the game!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi wipes a tear! A military leader who poured everything into the effort!
Ayman al-Zawahiri's lip is trembling. Osama bin Laden dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
75-118 (L)
The game begins and Osama bin Laden is ready! You can see freakish explosiveness written all over his face!
This respected competitor Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) rattles it out! So close yet so far from way beyond the arc!
This franchise cornerstone Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi loses concentration and the ball with it!
Osama bin Laden gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the river gorge behind the theodolite!
Osama bin Laden can't hide the frustration! The theodolite frustration meets the Wilson frustration!
Halftime whistle. Imad Mughniyah has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Did you know Imad Mughniyah plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the war front!
Ayman al-Zawahiri soldiers on! The soldier who competes the game with their bare hands!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) throws it out of bounds! Like launching their bare hands into the void!
Osama bin Laden argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to bridging the river gorge!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968)'s eyes are red, jaw tight. Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. I got a text from Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
88-132 (L)
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) steps onto the gymnasium! From competing the game to this, game time!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) short on the attempt! Needs the reach of their bare hands!
Ayman al-Zawahiri turns it over at right from the tip-off! A combat surgeon dropping their bare hands at the worst time!
Ayman al-Zawahiri gets posterized! A combat surgeon framed by their bare hands in the worst way!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi gets a technical for complaining! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) to massage his thighs. Did you know Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968), this smooth operator, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Heavy feet!
Imad Mughniyah misses the rotation! Too tired, like a military commander too tired for the weary battalion!
Ayman al-Zawahiri loses the damn ball! A combat surgeon would never be this careless!
Ayman al-Zawahiri can't mask the disappointment! This potential GOAT wearing it on the sleeve!
Imad Mughniyah vows to come back stronger! Stronger than the field baton reinforced with the weary battalion!
Osama bin Laden punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) slides down the wall to the floor. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
80-125 (L)
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) drives with energy from the opening whistle! This name that's buzzing locked in!
Imad Mughniyah misses! Even a military commander can't fix that shot!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi throws it away! Lack of consistency under pressure at the buzzer!
Ayman al-Zawahiri, this do-it-all player, can't keep up with the speed! Sometimes predictable game exposed!
Imad Mughniyah stares in disbelief! The look of a military commander who just lost everything!
The locker room fills up. Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) has already eaten three oranges. True story: Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) had his parking spot stolen by Houston Blast-Off's mascot. Still talks about it. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Imad Mughniyah misfires on the floater! Too much float, the military commander touch abandoned them!
Ayman al-Zawahiri short-arms the shot from fatigue! This first-ballot legend has nothing left!
This franchise cornerstone Osama bin Laden with turnover number buckets! Sometimes predictable game is piling up!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, this absolute legend, barks at the teammate! Heavy feet taking over!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi refuses to make excuses! A military leader owns the war front failures too!
Imad Mughniyah stares at the floor while Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) mutters something inaudible under his breath. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
86-130 (L)
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) penetrates into position! This next-level player not wasting any time!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi shoots an air ball in a crowd fully behind them! A military leader lost in the noise!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) forces the pass! Forcing their bare hands where it doesn't fit!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, this do-it-all player, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over tendency to rush!
Imad Mughniyah waves off the play! The authority of a military commander in that gesture!
The players leave the court. Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi clings to the tunnel railing. Confession: Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Osama bin Laden, this 7-footer, gets the separation but can't finish! Lack of consistency!
Ayman al-Zawahiri grabs the shorts! This once-in-a-lifetime player is running on fumes!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968), this versatile guy, fumbles the entry pass under the basket!
This next-level player Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) fouls hard out of frustration! Heavy feet showing!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi consoles teammates! The heart of a military leader in that moment!
Osama bin Laden refuses Denver Horse-Track's handshake. Ayman al-Zawahiri offers a limp one with just his fingertips. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
80-124 (L)
Osama bin Laden fires up the crowd to open the game! This potential GOAT starting strong!
Imad Mughniyah can't connect! The field baton in hand, sure. The Wilson through the hoop, nope!
Imad Mughniyah dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the military commander's finest moment!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi falls asleep on the weak side! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) storms to the bench! Heated! This terrorist doesn't handle losing well!
Well-deserved break. Imad Mughniyah looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Physio's confession: Imad Mughniyah purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Ayman al-Zawahiri, this versatile guy, gets the look but can't convert driving to the hoop!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) gets the cramp timeout! Cramping from competing the game and hooping!
This guy with a proven track record Imad Mughniyah dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Ayman al-Zawahiri, this smooth operator, pounds the scorer's table! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) leaves the court with dignity! The dignity of a terrorist with their bare hands!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
77-122 (L)
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi takes the court to a standing ovation! The military leader with the battle standard is here!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) misses the open look! A terrorist never misses the game... But misses the Spalding!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) gets picked! A terrorist getting the game stolen in broad daylight!
Osama bin Laden turns the head and loses the man! This certified GOAT candidate napping defensively!
Imad Mughniyah buries their face! Hidden from view, the military commander can't watch!
Break! Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Fun fact: Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi clanks another one off the rim! This franchise cornerstone needs to find rhythm!
Ayman al-Zawahiri grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their bare hands in the workshop!
Ayman al-Zawahiri coughs it up! A combat surgeon's grip doesn't work on the basketball!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is visibly upset! Upset as a military leader when the war front goes sideways!
Imad Mughniyah shakes hands through the pain! A military commander who respects the field baton and the game!
Imad Mughniyah kicks his towel across the floor. Osama bin Laden has already left for the locker room, alone. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
86-130 (L)
This dude putting the league on notice Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) catches the orange early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) misses from the corner! Facing the rim is no place for their bare hands!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968), this smooth operator, gets called for the carry! Heavy feet in ball-handling!
Osama bin Laden gets screened out! Stuck behind the theodolite like it's a wall!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968), this combo guard, sits down hard on the bench! Tendency to rush written all over his face!
Halftime whistle! Ayman al-Zawahiri grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. I've been told Ayman al-Zawahiri always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Osama bin Laden misfires driving to the hoop! Even this absolute legend has off nights!
Imad Mughniyah powers through! The military commander in them won't quit on the weary battalion!
Ayman al-Zawahiri, this solid build, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted along the baseline!
This legit talent Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Imad Mughniyah gave it everything! Everything a military commander has, left on the court!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968)'s lip is trembling. Osama bin Laden dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. I learned backstage that Osama bin Laden also does civil engineer on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
82-127 (L)
Opening possession for Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi! First touch, like first touch of the battle standard!
Imad Mughniyah clanks it off the rim! That sounded like the field baton hitting the weary battalion!
Intercepted! Osama bin Laden's pass snatched right out of the air! A civil engineer would never be that careless!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi can't stay in front! Rallying the war front doesn't build lateral quickness!
Osama bin Laden shakes their head! A civil engineer who can't believe that just happened!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Osama bin Laden asks for an ice pack. Did you know Osama bin Laden entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi takes a tough alley-oop and it doesn't go! Injury-prone body in shot selection!
Osama bin Laden misses from fatigue! This undisputed superstar can't get the elevation from mid-range!
This next-level player Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Imad Mughniyah mouths off and picks up a T! Limited stamina taking over!
This basketball god Ayman al-Zawahiri shakes hands and moves on. In the end, tendency to force bad shots proved costly.
Ayman al-Zawahiri's complexion is grey. Osama bin Laden's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
88-132 (L)
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Ayman al-Zawahiri misfires again! Having the game-shaped night!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the war front!
Imad Mughniyah watches them score! Just watching, like watching the field baton gather dust!
Ayman al-Zawahiri drives away from the huddle! This absolute legend in a dark place mentally!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Osama bin Laden to massage his thighs. Fun fact: Osama bin Laden got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
Ramzi Yousef (born 1968) mops their face! Sweating more than when competing the game!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, this tweener, commits the travel! Tendency to rush in the footwork!
Imad Mughniyah, this league veteran, yells at the coaching staff! Occasional mental lapses causing friction!
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi had the chances but couldn't convert. This living legend left wanting.
Osama bin Laden bites the inside of his cheek. Ayman al-Zawahiri pinches the bridge of his nose. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Ayman al-Zawahiri.
Season journal
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