Il mio quintetto ideale — basketball_team 🇮🇹
5 membri · TeamBranch
Diario di stagione
Classifica
| # | Team | V | S | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-stagione
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby! The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. Stephen Curry. The man. The beast. Standing at 188 cm, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight. The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Mia Khalifa. Profession? Camgirl. Yeah. The coach saw her on TV, called her agent (who didn't exist), and offered her a ten-day contract "to see." The girl showed up with bare hands, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At her first practice, she attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But she's got heart, the woman, and apparently the precision she puts into the game could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. Budget-wise, they're playing by the rules. Barely. It's clean, but it's tight. You've got one modest star, two or three decent role players, and after that... It's a black hole on the bench. They're trying to build smart without going broke, but every time a player asks for a raise, they start sweating. This is the definition of a "middle of the pack" squad.
Giornata 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
76-120 (S)
Dwayne Johnson, this undisputed superstar, draws first blood! An off-balance shot to start!
Dwayne Johnson, this once-in-a-lifetime player, sends the rock wide! The touch is off tonight!
This absolute legend Dwayne Johnson with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Pietro Pacciani can't contain the drive! Competing the game is more containable!
This hall-of-fame lock Dwayne Johnson stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Break! Dwayne Johnson rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Confession: Dwayne Johnson believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Dwayne Johnson misses the open look! This certified GOAT candidate can't believe it! Injury-prone body!
Pietro Pacciani can barely run! The four quarters harder than the four quarters of competing the game!
Sloppy handling by Mia Khalifa! Competing the game is done with more finesse!
Dwayne Johnson glares at the scoreboard! This undisputed superstar not happy with the situation!
Mia Khalifa fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the camgirl gave everything!
Dwayne Johnson bites his lip, fists clenched. Pietro Pacciani shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Giornata 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
105-117 (S)
Pietro Pacciani locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a criminale who means business!
Mia Khalifa, this first-ballot legend, comes up empty! A buzzer-beater off target in the paint!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry commits the offensive foul! Turnover from the right corner!
Pietro Pacciani gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the game on a rough day!
Stephen Curry hits a bank shot! Insane court vision proving to be the difference tonight!
The players file out. Mia Khalifa exchanges a tense look with the coach. Rumor has it Mia Khalifa has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
This hall-of-fame lock Dwayne Johnson can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Dwayne Johnson with the off-balance devastating dunk! This once-in-a-lifetime player couldn't set the feet!
Mia Khalifa manipulates the defense! Manipulation worthy of their bare hands on the game!
Lionel Messi looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a calciatore relieved of the i loro scarpini da calcio!
Dwayne Johnson blows past past the media. This first-ballot legend not in the mood to talk.
Pietro Pacciani snaps at the bench on his way out. Mia Khalifa says nothing, but her look says everything. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Giornata 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
96-102 (S)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Mia Khalifa comes out aggressive! Opens with a scoop layup back to the basket!
Dwayne Johnson, this franchise cornerstone, with a contested pull-up jumper that misses in transition!
Mia Khalifa gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a camgirl's grip!
Pietro Pacciani can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
Stephen Curry strings together a scoop layup driving to the hoop. An unmatched feel for the game on full display!
Rest. Lionel Messi buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Confession: Lionel Messi believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Mia Khalifa storms to the bench! Heated! This camgirl doesn't handle losing well!
Dwayne Johnson, this swiss-army-knife type, can't finish from the left corner! That one stings!
Lionel Messi pushes the pace in transition! An unmatched feel for the game showing in every play!
This hall-of-fame lock Lionel Messi has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Stephen Curry walks off in silence. This franchise guy gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Stephen Curry is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Lionel Messi waits at the tunnel entrance. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Giornata 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
107-94 (V)
This absolute legend Dwayne Johnson means business! Fast start along the baseline!
Mia Khalifa, this household name, reads the play perfectly and delivers a devastating dunk!
Dwayne Johnson, this versatile guy, swats it into the third row! A crucial offensive board!
This household name Mia Khalifa exploits the gap! Dime to the corner for a buzzer-beater!
Mia Khalifa uses the hesitation dribble! That dawg mentality creating separation!
Rest. Mia Khalifa buries her head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Did you know? Mia Khalifa once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Lionel Messi scores driving to the hoop! A catch-and-shoot triple with an off-the-charts basketball IQ! Brilliant!
Lionel Messi, this pint-sized baller, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Lionel Messi sets the perfect screen! Built like a calciatore who doesn't skip leg day!
The narrative shifts! Stephen Curry takes control with night-in night-out consistency!
Final buzzer! Stephen Curry is the hero! This established star with a game for the ages!
Mia Khalifa does the robot at center court while Pietro Pacciani pretends to be an airplane. The crowd loves it. I learned that Mia Khalifa's father was a calciatore. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Giornata 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
90-132 (S)
Pietro Pacciani begins their shift on the floor! A criminale starting the their bare hands shift!
Stephen Curry takes a tough two-handed slam and it doesn't go! Injury-prone body in shot selection!
Dwayne Johnson coughs up the basketball! Limited stamina strikes again in the paint!
Lionel Messi fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a calciatore chasing the il gol vincente!
Mia Khalifa slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a camgirl hits the workbench!
The players disappear. Stephen Curry has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Locker room intel: Stephen Curry has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Dwayne Johnson fades away and fires but misses everything! Sometimes predictable game tonight!
Mia Khalifa is gassed! More tired than after a full day of competing the game!
Pietro Pacciani loses the ball! A criminale would never be this careless!
Pietro Pacciani slams the ball in frustration! Limited stamina on full display!
Stephen Curry lets fly to the tunnel in disappointment. This franchise guy will learn from this.
Stephen Curry bites the inside of his cheek. Dwayne Johnson pinches the bridge of his nose. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Giornata 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
96-105 (S)
Dwayne Johnson opens with a half-court heave! This generational talent making an early statement!
A layup from Stephen Curry sails wide! This max-contract guy needs to regroup!
Mia Khalifa, this miniature missile, commits the travel! Tendency to rush in the footwork!
Stephen Curry reacts too late to rotate! Occasional mental lapses on the help side!
Mia Khalifa with the reverse layup! Creative as a camgirl with the game!
Into the tunnel. Pietro Pacciani grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Anecdote: Pietro Pacciani once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Stephen Curry attacks the towel! This established star showing occasional mental lapses!
Off the mark for Lionel Messi! Great calciatore, not so great at basketball tonight!
Lionel Messi baits the defender! Got them hook, line, and sinker!
This first-ballot legend Lionel Messi is a warrior but the body says no! The four quarters of war!
This All-Star caliber talent Stephen Curry leaves the arena with head held high. Fought to the end.
Dwayne Johnson sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Pietro Pacciani winces. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Giornata 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
80-125 (S)
Tip-off! Lionel Messi gets us started! Let's go!
Stephen Curry with a rough layup from the left corner! Tendency to force bad shots at the worst time!
Lionel Messi turns it over in the top of the key! Butterfingers from this calciatore!
Mia Khalifa watches them score! Just watching, like watching their bare hands gather dust!
Lionel Messi takes off away from the huddle! This first-ballot legend in a dark place mentally!
Break! Pietro Pacciani rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Small detail: Pietro Pacciani whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry with a rare miss at the buzzer! Even the best stumble!
Pietro Pacciani is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure criminale stubbornness!
Pietro Pacciani tries to be too fancy and loses the orange! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the decision-making!
This headliner Stephen Curry shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Mia Khalifa packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
Pietro Pacciani takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Stephen Curry doesn't drink. Throat too tight. I learned backstage that Stephen Curry also does calciatore on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Giornata 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
90-115 (S)
This absolute legend Lionel Messi in the starting lineup! Let's see what this absolute legend brings!
Pietro Pacciani misfires from way beyond the arc! This raw talent searching for answers!
This elite player Stephen Curry dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Pietro Pacciani gets blown by! Even a criminale couldn't stop that!
Mia Khalifa spins and scores! Pivoting like they pivot with their bare hands at work!
The locker room. Dwayne Johnson sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know Dwayne Johnson started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Lionel Messi throws their hands up! Like a calciatore when the i loro scarpini da calcio breaks!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, loses the handle and the opportunity! Hot head!
Lionel Messi calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's calciatore mentality!
Mia Khalifa tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a camgirl's energy for the game!
Lionel Messi had the chances but couldn't convert. This certified GOAT candidate left wanting.
Stephen Curry sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Lionel Messi has his head in his hands. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Giornata 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
77-121 (S)
Lionel Messi sets the tone early! The calciatore came to play tonight!
Mia Khalifa misses the open look! A camgirl never misses the game... But misses the Wilson!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry gets pickpocketed along the baseline! Sloppy handling!
This guy with rings on every finger Lionel Messi bites on the fake! Beaten from way beyond the arc!
Dwayne Johnson storms to the bench! This all-time great is visibly upset!
Back in the locker room, Stephen Curry sits down and stares at the ceiling. Fun fact: Stephen Curry got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Dwayne Johnson, this swiss-army-knife type, bobbles the Spalding and the chance evaporates from way beyond the arc!
Pietro Pacciani calls for the sub! Even a criminale's stamina with their bare hands has limits!
Dwayne Johnson fires away into a dead end off the pick and roll! Turnover! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Dwayne Johnson, this swiss-army-knife type, pounds the scorer's table! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
This franchise guy Stephen Curry tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Dwayne Johnson is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Mia Khalifa waits at the tunnel entrance. I learned backstage that Mia Khalifa also does calciatore on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Giornata 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
84-128 (S)
Dwayne Johnson fires up the crowd to open the game! This first-ballot legend starting strong!
This household name Mia Khalifa short-arms a tear drop facing the rim! Not enough lift!
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Pietro Pacciani gets screened out! Stuck behind their bare hands like it's a wall!
Mia Khalifa sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a camgirl after a long shift!
The players disappear. Lionel Messi has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Did you know Lionel Messi entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Mia Khalifa rattles it out! Shaking the gym with their bare hands intensity!
Pietro Pacciani, this dude out of nowhere, sucking wind after that sprint! The contest of battle!
Dwayne Johnson with a wild pass that sails out! This franchise cornerstone giving it away!
Lionel Messi stares in disbelief! The look of a calciatore who just lost everything!
Dwayne Johnson, this smooth operator, hangs the head. Tough loss despite insane court vision effort.
Dwayne Johnson stares at the floor while Pietro Pacciani mutters something inaudible under his breath. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Giornata 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
86-131 (S)
This surprise package Pietro Pacciani gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Mia Khalifa with the ugly miss! The camgirl touch is absent tonight!
Pietro Pacciani botches the handoff! Even their bare hands exchanges go smoother!
Mia Khalifa turns the head and loses the man! This global icon napping defensively!
This franchise cornerstone Mia Khalifa throws an elbow in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!
Off to the locker room. Stephen Curry has already drained two water bottles. Did you know? Stephen Curry once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Dwayne Johnson, this all-time great, fumbles the finish driving to the hoop! Back to the drawing board!
Mia Khalifa finds a second wind! The camgirl engine roars back to life!
Lionel Messi charges right into the defender! Turnover! Occasional mental lapses when controlling pace!
Pietro Pacciani, this versatile guy, sits down hard on the bench! Ego the size of Texas written all over his face!
Lionel Messi consoles teammates! The heart of a calciatore in that moment!
Stephen Curry is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Lionel Messi waits at the tunnel entrance. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Giornata 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
92-103 (S)
Lionel Messi looks dialed in from the start! Next-level basketball IQ preparation showing!
Pietro Pacciani rises up but the shot rims out! Occasional mental lapses rears its ugly head!
Mia Khalifa loses possession! The game never leaves a camgirl's hands like that!
Lionel Messi gives up the easy bucket! Easier than segnaring the il gol vincente!
Dwayne Johnson catches fire! And it's an off-balance shot! Nerves of steel taking over!
Time to breathe. Lionel Messi has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Rumor has it Lionel Messi has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Pietro Pacciani, this combo guard, waves off the play call! Shaky emotions under pressure hurting the team!
This undisputed superstar Dwayne Johnson whiffs on a catch-and-shoot triple! The crowd groans!
Mia Khalifa, this miniature missile, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Stephen Curry drives sluggishly! Limited stamina catching up with this big-name player!
Stephen Curry reflects on what could have been. Tendency to rush the difference tonight.
Stephen Curry refuses the coach's embrace. Lionel Messi accepts it but his body is stiff. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Giornata 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
76-121 (S)
Mia Khalifa checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Lionel Messi, this pocket rocket, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Pietro Pacciani throws it away! Tendency to rush under pressure in the paint!
Lionel Messi bites on the fake! Fooled like a calciatore by counterfeit the il gol vincente!
Dwayne Johnson, this household name, yells at the coaching staff! Lack of consistency causing friction!
Rest time. Mia Khalifa isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Small detail: Mia Khalifa whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Stephen Curry blows past but it's well off! Injury-prone body under fatigue!
Stephen Curry bends over during the dead ball! This All-Star caliber talent gathering what's left!
Dwayne Johnson dishes the basketball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this generational talent!
Lionel Messi can't mask the disappointment! This guy with rings on every finger wearing it on the sleeve!
Pietro Pacciani, this newcomer, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Dwayne Johnson presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Pietro Pacciani walks right past without noticing. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Giornata 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
89-134 (S)
Dwayne Johnson, this guy with rings on every finger, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Pietro Pacciani throws up a clunker! Their bare hands would weep at that trajectory!
Lionel Messi turns it over on a clutch free throw! A calciatore dropping the i loro scarpini da calcio at the worst time!
Lionel Messi gets burned on the switch! Hotter than a calciatore's worst day on the job!
Lionel Messi, this compact dynamo, throws the hands up! Exasperated from mid-range!
End of the second quarter. Dwayne Johnson is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Intel: Dwayne Johnson once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
A finger roll attempt by Mia Khalifa falls short! Shaky emotions under pressure in the legs!
Pietro Pacciani takes off but the legs won't cooperate! Occasional mental lapses catching up!
Lionel Messi dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the calciatore's finest moment!
Dwayne Johnson fires away angrily after the turnover! This global icon spiraling!
This headliner Stephen Curry shakes hands and moves on. In the end, occasional mental lapses proved costly.
Pietro Pacciani refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Mia Khalifa watches it and immediately regrets it. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Giornata 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
89-134 (S)
The gym welcomes Pietro Pacciani! The criminale with the game has arrived!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, wastes a golden chance with a wild half-court heave!
Pietro Pacciani with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
This franchise cornerstone Dwayne Johnson can't recover! Scored on at half court! Heavy feet!
This world-class player Stephen Curry gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Back in the locker room, Pietro Pacciani sits down and stares at the ceiling. Rumor has it Pietro Pacciani talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Air ball from Mia Khalifa! Being a camgirl doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Dwayne Johnson is gassed! This household name bent over at half court! Injury-prone body catching up!
Lionel Messi double-dribbles! Segnaring the il gol vincente doesn't have that rule!
Mia Khalifa walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
Lionel Messi hangs their head! A calciatore who gave everything they had!
Pietro Pacciani mutters while walking out. Stephen Curry watches from the corner of his eye, worried. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
My Team finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Stephen Curry.
Diario di stagione
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