O meu cinco ideal — basketball_team 🇵🇹
5 membros · TeamBranch
Diário da temporada
Classificação
| # | Team | V | D | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pré-temporada
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Peter Crouch. A futebolista. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a futebolista, with suas chuteiras, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Peter Crouch has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses o golo vencedor with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. Financially, we're in no man's land. Not poor, not rich. The kind of team that eyes the trade deadline with longing but knows it can only afford the appetizer, not the full meal. They've built a solid core through smart Draft picks and savvy free agent signings, but don't ask them to compete with the big dogs. Their weapon? Chemistry. And a coach who turns lead into gold. Well, bronze. Okay, silver on a good day.
Jornada 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
77-120 (D)
And we're underway! LeBron James touches the basketball first! This absolute legend looks eager!
This player on the come-up Bronny James shanks a half-court heave in transition! That's uncharacteristic!
Bronny James pulls up the Wilson right to the defense! Costly mistake by this respected competitor!
Drake loses their assignment! Like losing the fichário de roteiro in the workshop!
Bronny James, this all-around player, throws the hands up! Exasperated facing the rim!
Heading in. LeBron James's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Anecdote: LeBron James threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Brick! Drake misfires along the baseline! Limited stamina at the worst time!
LeBron James is cramping up! This basketball god trying to shake it off! Lack of consistency!
This respected competitor Bronny James commits the offensive foul! Turnover from way beyond the arc!
This next-level player Bronny James shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
This basketball god Chris Pratt shakes hands and moves on. In the end, defense that's basically a suggestion proved costly.
LeBron James stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Bronny James comes back to get him. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Jornada 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
101-117 (D)
Peter Crouch steps onto the court! From marcarring the o golo vencedor to this, game time!
LeBron James, this hall-of-fame lock, sends the ball wide! The touch is off tonight!
Drake forces the pass! Forcing the fichário de roteiro where it doesn't fit!
Chris Pratt left in the dust! Even an ator de cinema moves faster than that!
Drake, this smooth operator, carves up the defense for a buzzer beater! Beautiful!
First half is done. Chris Pratt is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Did you know? Chris Pratt once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
This jersey-selling name Peter Crouch slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
This potential GOAT Drake short-arms a buzzer beater driving to the hoop! Not enough lift!
LeBron James makes the hockey pass! A killer instinct finding the extra pass!
Chris Pratt plays through exhaustion! The endurance of retratarring the personagem de filme daily!
Drake shakes hands through the pain! An ator de cinema who respects the fichário de roteiro and the game!
Chris Pratt isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Peter Crouch tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Jornada 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
92-116 (D)
Game time! Drake and this hall-of-fame lock ready to put on a show at the venue!
This hooper's hooper Bronny James misses the mark! A euro-step goes begging in transition!
Peter Crouch turns it over in the three-point line! Butterfingers from this futebolista!
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James picks up the cheap foul! Limited stamina showing!
Peter Crouch punishes the defense! A futebolista punishing the o golo vencedor with precision!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Bronny James to massage his thighs. Did you know? Bronny James launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Break's over, the players take their positions.
LeBron James rises up and kicks the stanchion! This absolute legend losing composure!
LeBron James gets a clean look but heavy feet costs the bucket!
Drake manipulates the defense! Manipulation worthy of the fichário de roteiro on the personagem de filme!
Peter Crouch jogs instead of sprints! Conserving energy for marcarring the o golo vencedor tomorrow!
Chris Pratt packs up and heads out! Packing the fichário de roteiro, unpacking emotions!
Peter Crouch presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. LeBron James walks right past without noticing. Tonight I learned Peter Crouch used to be an ator de cinema before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Jornada 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
97-111 (D)
Drake, this do-it-all player, sets the tone immediately! Iron discipline from the jump!
Bronny James fires a half-court heave from way beyond the arc but can't connect! Ego the size of Texas showing!
Peter Crouch coughs up the basketball! Limited stamina strikes again from the right corner!
Chris Pratt gets posterized! An ator de cinema framed by the fichário de roteiro in the worst way!
LeBron James scores in transition! A hook shot with iron discipline! Brilliant!
Finally a breather. Drake has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Exclusive: Drake was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Drake, this tweener, pounds the scorer's table! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Drake whiffs on the jumper! An ator de cinema off their game with the fichário de roteiro!
Peter Crouch slows the pace when the team needs it! This max-contract guy tempo control!
This all-time great LeBron James has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
LeBron James walks off in silence. This global icon gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Peter Crouch stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Chris Pratt comes back to get him. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Jornada 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
99-102 (D)
Bronny James shoots into position! This guy with a proven track record not wasting any time!
LeBron James fires away the Spalding with insane court vision. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
LeBron James turns the head and loses the man! This hall-of-fame lock napping defensively!
LeBron James fades away the orange into nothing! Tendency to rush on full display tonight!
Drake, this swiss-army-knife type, blocks the shot and starts the break! Comeback!
Halftime! Bronny James walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Did you know? Bronny James tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
This player on the come-up Bronny James with the clutch-time breakdown! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Bronny James picks up the second technical! This guy with a proven track record ejected! Lack of consistency!
Bronny James, this combo guard, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this player making noise right now!
Peter Crouch forces the hero ball and misses! This multi-time All-Star with tendency to rush!
Chris Pratt walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to ator de cinema life tomorrow!
LeBron James looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Bronny James looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Jornada 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
111-100 (V)
Drake comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the ator de cinema means business!
Drake scores the go-ahead! An ator de cinema who always finishes the job on time!
Drake rejects the layup! A brilliant anticipation by this versatile guy! Get that out!
This player on the come-up Bronny James connects on the pick-and-roll! Assist for a step-back three!
This league veteran Bronny James adjusts the angle mid-drive! Night-in night-out consistency body control!
Halftime. Bronny James glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Did you know Bronny James knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Los Angeles Nursing-Home's colors. By accident, obviously. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
This undisputed superstar Chris Pratt does it again! A pull-up jumper with effortless precision!
The energy in this building is unreal! Drake channeling a roaring arena!
Peter Crouch brings energy off the bench! This All-Star caliber talent infectious enthusiasm!
Every time Peter Crouch touches the Spalding, you see the discipline of the suas chuteiras!
Chris Pratt owns the night! Owner of the venue and the personagem de filme alike!
Drake, Bronny James, and LeBron James pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Jornada 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
89-114 (D)
This household name Chris Pratt opens the scoring! A half-court heave! Early advantage!
Chris Pratt with a rough free throw along the baseline! Heavy feet at the worst time!
Drake with the lazy pass! Tendency to force bad shots leading to easy points!
Bronny James, this swiss-army-knife type, fouls unnecessarily driving to the hoop! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
This all-time great Drake with a beautiful free throw from downtown! Poetry in motion!
Finally a breather. Chris Pratt has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Did you know Chris Pratt entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Peter Crouch crosses over angrily after the turnover! This franchise guy spiraling!
Bronny James, this versatile guy, gets the look on the low block but the lid's on the rim!
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
This hall-of-fame lock LeBron James calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Hot head taking its toll!
Chris Pratt, this smooth operator, trudges off the den. Lessons to take from this one.
LeBron James refuses Toronto Border-Patrol's handshake. Peter Crouch offers a limp one with just his fingertips. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Jornada 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
92-129 (D)
Chris Pratt lands the first double-clutch layup! First blood! The ator de cinema strikes first!
Bronny James forces a bucket in the paint! This legit talent trying too hard!
This established player Bronny James loses concentration and the ball with it!
Drake gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the personagem de filme on a rough day!
Peter Crouch mouths off during crunch time! A futebolista venting about the o golo vencedor!
Halftime! Drake is limping slightly heading off the court. Exclusive: Drake was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Peter Crouch clanks another one off the rim! This guy everybody knows needs to find rhythm!
Drake digs deep! Deep as an ator de cinema digs into the personagem de filme!
LeBron James passes to nobody! This undisputed superstar with a head-scratching decision!
Bronny James, this swiss-army-knife type, waves off the play call! Lack of consistency hurting the team!
LeBron James, this tree of a man, hangs the head. Tough loss despite night-in night-out consistency effort.
Peter Crouch lets out a big exhale walking through the door. LeBron James holds his in. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Jornada 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
82-126 (D)
This guy with rings on every finger LeBron James catches the leather early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
LeBron James, this tree of a man, gets the separation but can't finish! Ego the size of Texas!
Chris Pratt gets picked! An ator de cinema getting the personagem de filme stolen in broad daylight!
Bronny James overcommits and gets beat! Tendency to rush when reading the play!
Peter Crouch buries their face! Hidden from view, the futebolista can't watch!
Break. Chris Pratt's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Fun fact: Chris Pratt is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Peter Crouch rattles it out! Shaking the field house with the suas chuteiras intensity!
Peter Crouch, this All-Star caliber talent, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
This basketball god LeBron James forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
This global icon Chris Pratt can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Chris Pratt walks off in defeat! Even an ator de cinema's skills couldn't save tonight!
LeBron James whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Bronny James nods without conviction. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Jornada 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
99-122 (D)
This player on the come-up Bronny James comes out firing! A buzzer-beater in the first minute!
This all-time great LeBron James rattles it out! So close yet so far from way beyond the arc!
This legit talent Bronny James with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
This player making noise Bronny James commits the and-one foul! Hot head in positioning!
A hook shot from Bronny James! This well-respected player is putting on a show tonight!
Coach calls everyone back. Bronny James drags his feet toward the tunnel. Did you know Bronny James entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Bronny James, this player making noise, barks at the teammate! Shaky emotions under pressure taking over!
Chris Pratt misfires from way beyond the arc! The fichário de roteiro calibration needed!
Chris Pratt shoots to the right spot! Natural-born leadership off-ball movement!
Chris Pratt, this smooth operator, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this first-ballot legend.
LeBron James's complexion is grey. Bronny James's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. I learned tonight that LeBron James used to be an ator de cinema. That explains the unique running style. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Jornada 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
91-111 (D)
LeBron James, this global icon, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
A pull-up jumper from Peter Crouch hits the iron! Injury-prone body under the spotlight!
Drake rises up into a dead end under the basket! Turnover! Hot head!
This potential GOAT Chris Pratt fouls reaching in! Tendency to rush on defense!
Chris Pratt converts the and-one! Tough as retratarring the personagem de filme all day!
End of the first half. LeBron James is beet red but still standing. Rumor has it LeBron James talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Bronny James, this name that's buzzing, with the frustrated foul! Hot head in tough moments!
Drake shoots but the shot rims out! Tendency to force bad shots rears its ugly head!
Bronny James pushes the pace in transition! Natural-born leadership showing in every play!
LeBron James, this global icon, is dragging! The allotted time minutes taking their toll!
Despite the loss, Chris Pratt held their own with the personagem de filme! The ator de cinema fought!
Drake rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Bronny James picks up his own and folds it carefully. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Jornada 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
103-110 (D)
Peter Crouch, this mammoth, takes the court! The palpable tension is electric!
Drake with the off-balance pull-up jumper! This guy with rings on every finger couldn't set the feet!
LeBron James loses the rock in traffic! This household name can't afford that!
Drake, this all-around player, gets dunked on in transition! Poster material!
Chris Pratt strings together a bank shot from the left corner. A gym-rat work ethic on full display!
Back to the locker room. Drake punches his locker. Physio's confession: Drake purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Drake throws their hands up! Like an ator de cinema when the fichário de roteiro breaks!
LeBron James can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this certified GOAT candidate!
Drake, this combo guard, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Unreal swagger!
Drake is gassed! More tired than after a full day of retratarring the personagem de filme!
This max-contract guy Peter Crouch leaves the temple of basketball with head held high. Fought to the end.
Drake pulls his cap down over his eyes. LeBron James doesn't have a cap, and it shows. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Jornada 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
85-130 (D)
Chris Pratt begins their shift on the floor! An ator de cinema starting the fichário de roteiro shift!
A buzzer beater from Bronny James sails wide! This established player needs to regroup!
Peter Crouch with a wild pass that sails out! This world-class player giving it away!
This certified bucket Peter Crouch can't recover! Scored on at the top of the key! Hot head!
Bronny James storms to the bench! This seasoned vet is visibly upset!
Break! Bronny James has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Exclusive info: Bronny James is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Peter Crouch, this multi-time All-Star, with a contested free throw that misses from way beyond the arc!
Peter Crouch stumbles on the play! Stumbling like a futebolista over the o golo vencedor!
This name that's buzzing Bronny James commits the 5-second violation! Clock management ego the size of Texas!
Chris Pratt, this combo guard, sits down hard on the bench! Tendency to force bad shots written all over his face!
Drake tips the cap to the winners! The ator de cinema's grace with the personagem de filme!
Chris Pratt scratches the back of his neck nervously. Bronny James has the look of someone who has seen things. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Jornada 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
89-120 (D)
Chris Pratt checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Peter Crouch launches the orange right into the defender's hands! Ego the size of Texas!
Intercepted! Drake's pass snatched right out of the air! An ator de cinema would never be that careless!
Bronny James gets burned on the drive! Limited stamina in lateral movement!
Bronny James crosses over through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Intermission. Peter Crouch dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Intel: Peter Crouch once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
This legit talent Bronny James throws an elbow in frustration! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
Peter Crouch can't buy a bucket! Maybe the o golo vencedor would be easier to aim!
LeBron James posts up into the right spacing! Iron discipline and elite court awareness!
Peter Crouch blows past sluggishly! Ego the size of Texas catching up with this headliner!
Chris Pratt hangs their head! An ator de cinema who gave everything they had!
LeBron James claps his hands in frustration. Bronny James clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Jornada 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
77-121 (D)
Drake takes the court to a sold-out gym on fire! The ator de cinema with the fichário de roteiro is here!
Peter Crouch just barely misses! Close as a futebolista getting the o golo vencedor almost right!
Drake loses the basketball! An ator de cinema would never be this careless!
Drake can't contain the drive! Retratarring the personagem de filme is more containable!
This household name LeBron James stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Back in the locker room, Drake sits down and stares at the ceiling. Did you know Drake keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Peter Crouch air-mails a catch-and-shoot triple along the baseline! Way off for this top-tier talent!
Peter Crouch calls for the sub! Even a futebolista's stamina with the suas chuteiras has limits!
Peter Crouch, this tree of a man, steps out of bounds with the basketball! Mental lapse!
Chris Pratt slams the leather in frustration! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Drake wipes a tear! An ator de cinema who poured everything into the effort!
Peter Crouch scratches the back of his neck nervously. Drake has the look of someone who has seen things. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
My Team finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: LeBron James.
Diário da temporada
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