O meu cinco ideal — basketball_team 🇵🇹
5 membros · TeamBranch
Diário da temporada
Classificação
| # | Team | V | D | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pré-temporada
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Shaquille O'Neal on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 216 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Shakira. A filantropo. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a filantropo, with bare hands, on an NBA hardwood. The girl showed up at her first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Shakira has "something." We don't know what exactly, but she has "something." In the meantime, the girl runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the game with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. The budget? Astronomical. The owner said "let's go" and signed the check without even looking at the number. We're deep into the luxury tax, every dollar over the threshold costs triple, and the accountant has nightmares every single night. But when you've got two superstars, a fifteen-man roster where the weakest link would start elsewhere, and a coaching staff paid in gold, you don't give a damn about the bill. It's championship or bust, and they've chosen their side.
Jornada 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
104-115 (D)
This first-ballot legend Shakira comes out firing! A reverse layup in the first minute!
A reverse layup from Stephen Curry hits the iron! Limited stamina under the spotlight!
LeBron James attacks into a trap! Occasional mental lapses when reading the defense!
IShowSpeed gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the as barras ardentes behind the seu microfone aberto!
IShowSpeed attacks and delivers a fadeaway jumper! The seu microfone aberto by day, buckets by night!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Shaquille O'Neal to massage his thighs. Anecdote: Shaquille O'Neal once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Stephen Curry picks up the second technical! This established star ejected! Limited stamina!
LeBron James forces a step-back three from the left corner! This absolute legend trying too hard!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Silky smooth technique!
Shaquille O'Neal misses from fatigue! This all-time great can't get the elevation in the paint!
This all-time great Shaquille O'Neal stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this all-time great wanted.
Shakira punches her locker when she gets to the locker room. IShowSpeed slides down the wall to the floor. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Jornada 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
119-104 (V)
Shaquille O'Neal, this 7-footer, sets the tone immediately! Night-in night-out consistency from the jump!
Stephen Curry, this world-class player, reads the play perfectly and delivers a catch-and-shoot triple!
IShowSpeed, this versatile guy, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by a killer instinct!
IShowSpeed reads the defense like a book! Assist in the paint! Unreal swagger!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
The locker room. IShowSpeed sprawls out full-length on the bench. Anecdote of the day: IShowSpeed forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Shakira with the highlight-reel reverse layup! This potential GOAT owning the moment!
Opposing fans respect IShowSpeed! Even rivals admire a rapper's hustle!
IShowSpeed does the dirty work! Hands dirty like a rapper at the end of the day!
This reliable star Stephen Curry refuses to lose! The will of a champion!
It's over! Shaquille O'Neal delivers the goods! This first-ballot legend walks off a winner!
Shakira and LeBron James pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Jornada 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
116-78 (V)
Shakira steps back with energy from the opening whistle! This absolute legend locked in!
LeBron James, this titan, uses strength and skill for a two-handed slam! Complete player!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, finds the trailer! A reverse layup off the assist, easy money!
Stephen Curry goes to work past the defense for a finger roll! Size advantage from this this do-it-all player!
Shakira, this little guy, blankets the shooter on the low block! No daylight!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry flops into the first available chair. Did you know? Stephen Curry has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
This household name IShowSpeed with a cold-blooded reverse layup! No conscience!
LeBron James with a showtime bank shot! This once-in-a-lifetime player enjoying every second!
This potential GOAT LeBron James does the robot during the dead ball! A fist pump toward the bench!
Shaquille O'Neal lets out a roar! The emotion is real! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd!
LeBron James grabs the game ball! This household name earned it tonight!
Shaquille O'Neal does the floss while LeBron James spins like a top. Stephen Curry just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. I got a text from Shaquille O'Neal after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Jornada 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
106-91 (V)
Shakira, this hall-of-fame lock, embraces the crowd fully behind them! Game on!
Shakira, this basketball god, knifes through for a devastating dunk driving to the hoop! Wow!
This living legend IShowSpeed with the no-foul contest on the low block! Clean as a whistle!
Stephen Curry penetrates the damn ball through traffic! What a pass by this All-Star caliber talent!
This basketball god Shaquille O'Neal recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! LeBron James walks head down toward the tunnel. Small detail: LeBron James wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
LeBron James, this generational talent, drills another alley-oop from the right corner! Automatic!
This certified GOAT candidate Shakira silences the hostile crowd! Wild stands shifts!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, holds the team together with freakish explosiveness! Captain!
Watch IShowSpeed move! The footwork of a rapper navigating the as barras ardentes!
Shakira finishes what they started! Finishing the basketball like finishing the game!
Stephen Curry and Shakira swing Shaquille O'Neal around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. I learned that Stephen Curry's father was a rapper. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Jornada 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
108-92 (V)
Shakira blows past onto the floor! The crowd roars for this household name!
This first-ballot legend Shakira converts from the right corner! A catch-and-shoot triple right on cue!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry with the screen navigation! Gets through and contests!
IShowSpeed dishes a beautiful pass! Special delivery from this rapper!
IShowSpeed uses that rapper IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
The players head in. Shaquille O'Neal slips on the wet tunnel floor. Did you know? Shaquille O'Neal once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Shaquille O'Neal strings together a devastating dunk at the buzzer. Scary good handles on full display!
The crowd chants Shakira's name! An electric crowd for the filantropo with their bare hands!
Shaquille O'Neal finds the open teammate! This once-in-a-lifetime player making everyone better!
This will be talked about for years! Stephen Curry with a reverse layup! Iconic!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, celebrates the win! A fist pump toward the bench! What a game!
LeBron James mimes popping a champagne bottle. Stephen Curry mimes chugging straight from it. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Jornada 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
95-116 (D)
Game time! Shakira and this all-time great ready to put on a show at the gym!
LeBron James, this long boy, can't finish under the basket! That one stings!
Shaquille O'Neal, this giant, commits the travel! Tendency to rush in the footwork!
IShowSpeed loses their assignment! Like losing the seu microfone aberto in the workshop!
This potential GOAT Shakira erupts for a tear drop! The floodgates are open!
The players head in. Shakira slips on the wet tunnel floor. Did you know Shakira plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
IShowSpeed stares in disbelief! The look of a rapper who just lost everything!
Shaquille O'Neal fires a layup facing the rim but can't connect! Injury-prone body showing!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Occasional mental lapses taking its toll!
This all-time great Shaquille O'Neal congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this all-time great.
LeBron James chews his nails on the bench. IShowSpeed stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Jornada 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
109-88 (V)
Shaquille O'Neal, this mammoth, announced to huge cheers! A Finals-like atmosphere!
Shaquille O'Neal with another floater! You can't stop this man!
Shakira forces the step-out-of-bounds! This franchise cornerstone hawking the ball!
Shakira with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! Unreal swagger on that one!
IShowSpeed adjusts the matchup! Finding the right fit, the rapper approach!
Halftime whistle. IShowSpeed high-fives his teammates on the way out. Juicy intel: IShowSpeed turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
A thunderous slam from IShowSpeed! Another dagger! This potential GOAT closing the door!
IShowSpeed gets the loudest cheer! Louder than a rapper's proudest moment!
Shakira trusts the system! Trust of a filantropo trusting their bare hands!
The stadium knows it! Shaquille O'Neal is special! This first-ballot legend writing legacy!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Stephen Curry does a handstand. LeBron James holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Jornada 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
105-100 (V)
Shakira checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, locks down the attacker! Silky smooth technique on the defensive end!
A pull-up jumper attempt by IShowSpeed falls short! Shaky emotions under pressure in the legs!
Stephen Curry dunks the orange with flair and hits a scoop layup! Sensational!
IShowSpeed finds the angle! The angle rapper uses for the as barras ardentes!
Halftime. Stephen Curry wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. I've been told Stephen Curry once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Stephen Curry steps back and finishes through contact! And-one on the final possession!
Shakira denies the entry pass! No the game gets past this filantropo!
LeBron James spins to an eruption! An electric crowd! What a moment!
This first-ballot legend Shaquille O'Neal with nerves of steel! A reverse layup when it matters most!
IShowSpeed, this absolute legend, soaks in the moment! Victory under the basket! A primal scream!
Stephen Curry, LeBron James, and Shaquille O'Neal pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Jornada 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
93-107 (D)
Stephen Curry takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Stephen Curry with the contested pull-up jumper from mid-range! No good! Bad selection!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, gets dunked on driving to the hoop! Poster material!
Stephen Curry dunks the Spalding with insane court vision. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Halftime! Stephen Curry walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Rumor has it Stephen Curry tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Shaquille O'Neal, this colossus, throws the hands up! Exasperated facing the rim!
Shakira, this compact dynamo, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Tendency to force bad shots!
LeBron James, this walking skyscraper, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
LeBron James steps back but the legs won't cooperate! Tendency to rush catching up!
Shakira walks off in defeat! Even a filantropo's skills couldn't save tonight!
IShowSpeed sits on the floor in the hallway. Shaquille O'Neal sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Jornada 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
100-120 (D)
IShowSpeed steps onto the gym! From cuspirring the as barras ardentes to this, game time!
This headliner Stephen Curry muscles up a pull-up jumper but can't get it to fall!
This once-in-a-lifetime player IShowSpeed gets pickpocketed under the basket! Sloppy handling!
Shakira bites on the fake! Fooled like a filantropo by counterfeit the game!
Stephen Curry posts up the Wilson beautifully for a double-clutch layup! What touch!
Break. Shakira asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Intel: Shakira refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Shaquille O'Neal, this mountain of a man, sits down hard on the bench! Hot head written all over his face!
LeBron James can't buy a bucket! Another miss under the basket! Frustrating!
Shakira reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this filantropo!
This guy with rings on every finger Shakira has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Shaquille O'Neal blows past past the media. This basketball god not in the mood to talk.
LeBron James takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Shaquille O'Neal follows the same path. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Jornada 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
93-108 (D)
Opening possession for Shakira! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
This headliner Stephen Curry shanks a deep three back to the basket! That's uncharacteristic!
Shaquille O'Neal, this mountain of a man, steps out of bounds with the orange! Mental lapse!
Stephen Curry falls asleep on the weak side! Heavy feet exposed!
A scoop layup from Shaquille O'Neal! This basketball god just keeps delivering!
Rest time. Shakira isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Staff confession: Shakira is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Shaquille O'Neal, this mountain of a man, waves off the play call! Limited stamina hurting the team!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry misses the mark! A fadeaway jumper goes begging from way beyond the arc!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
LeBron James, this giant, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry shakes hands and moves on. In the end, injury-prone body proved costly.
Shakira's lip is trembling. Shaquille O'Neal dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Jornada 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
113-106 (V)
Tip-off! LeBron James gets us started! Let's go!
LeBron James, this long boy, uses every inch to deliver an alley-oop!
This headliner Stephen Curry anchors the defense facing the rim! Nothing gets through!
LeBron James, this tree of a man, hits the cutter perfectly! Nerves of steel right on time!
Shakira sets up the play three passes ahead! Three moves ahead, like a filantropo at work!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Stephen Curry walks head down toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Stephen Curry once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
LeBron James scores with freakish explosiveness. An off-balance shot from the right corner! Too smooth!
LeBron James blows past and the noise is deafening! An electric crowd! Wow!
LeBron James brings energy off the bench! This certified GOAT candidate infectious enthusiasm!
Shaquille O'Neal is writing the story tonight! This absolute legend with a tear drop in transition!
Shaquille O'Neal sits on the bench with a smile! This once-in-a-lifetime player job well done!
Shakira mimes popping a champagne bottle. LeBron James mimes chugging straight from it. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Jornada 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
109-108 (V)
This franchise cornerstone Shakira catches the rock early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Shaquille O'Neal with the huge ball recovery from the left corner! This potential GOAT says no!
IShowSpeed misses the free throw! Cuspirring the as barras ardentes under pressure is easier!
LeBron James, this potential GOAT, drops a buzzer beater at half court! Pure artistry!
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Halftime. Shakira's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. They say Shakira eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Shakira with the heads-up play! Alert as a filantropo watching the game!
Shakira reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
This all-time great Shaquille O'Neal brings wild stands to a new level! Incredible scene!
Shaquille O'Neal wants the ball and delivers! A euro-step in the first half! Clutch gene!
IShowSpeed finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers a rapper would be proud of!
LeBron James and IShowSpeed slap each other's butts. Shakira declines the invitation. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Jornada 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
103-98 (V)
Stephen Curry looks dialed in from the start! Eyes in the back of the head preparation showing!
IShowSpeed with the rejection! Get that out of here! Rapper says no!
Shakira can't convert! The filantropo's touch with the game deserted them!
This basketball god LeBron James does it again! An alley-oop with effortless precision!
Shakira outsmarts the opponent! The brains of a filantropo with their bare hands!
Halftime! Stephen Curry checks his stats on the board and winces. Little secret: Stephen Curry watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Stephen Curry, this world-class player, orchestrates the last possession! An alley-oop! Perfection!
Stephen Curry pressures the inbound! This headliner with relentless scary good handles!
Stephen Curry, this reliable star, plays to the crowd! A standing ovation is contagious!
Shakira nails the free throws to ice it! This absolute legend with steady hands!
Shaquille O'Neal posts up in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
IShowSpeed and LeBron James slap each other's butts. Shaquille O'Neal declines the invitation. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Jornada 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
100-121 (D)
The game begins and IShowSpeed is ready! You can see iron discipline written all over his face!
A free throw from Shaquille O'Neal catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Shakira throws it out of bounds! Like launching their bare hands into the void!
Shaquille O'Neal turns the head and loses the man! This once-in-a-lifetime player napping defensively!
Shakira applies the same technique to the leather as to the game. A bank shot from downtown!
Cut! Halftime. Stephen Curry's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. I've been told Stephen Curry always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
LeBron James, this absolute unit, shows negative body language! Shaky emotions under pressure creeping in!
IShowSpeed throws up a clunker! The seu microfone aberto would weep at that trajectory!
Stephen Curry steps back into the right spacing! An off-the-charts basketball IQ and elite court awareness!
IShowSpeed plays through exhaustion! The endurance of cuspirring the as barras ardentes daily!
Shakira shakes hands through the pain! A filantropo who respects their bare hands and the game!
Stephen Curry has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Shaquille O'Neal has aged ten years in forty minutes. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Diário da temporada
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