Meu cinco inicial dos sonhos — basketball_team 🇧🇷
5 membros · TeamBranch
Diário da temporada
Classificação
| # | Team | V | D | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pré-temporada
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Kratos! Picture this: the man is massive, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva. The man is a sindicalista. A freaking sindicalista. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
Jornada 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
87-131 (D)
Kratos announces themselves! The guerreiro has arrived and the building knows it!
Cauã Reymond, this combo guard, gets the separation but can't finish! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva tries to be too fancy and loses the damn ball! Shaky emotions under pressure in the decision-making!
Cauã Reymond bites on the pump fake! This hungry young player sent flying driving to the hoop!
Jesus kicks the air! The frustration of a messias who knows they can do better!
Halftime. The doctor examines Bonnie Blue's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Anecdote: Bonnie Blue lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva goes 0 for the quarter! A sindicalista having a rough shift with their bare hands!
Kratos bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a guerreiro after the lâmina dentada overtime!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva trips up in the top of the key! A sindicalista never trips at work... Right?
Jesus, this once-in-a-lifetime player, with the frustrated foul! Lack of consistency in tough moments!
Jesus goes to work past the media. This undisputed superstar not in the mood to talk.
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Cauã Reymond comes back to get him. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Jornada 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
90-134 (D)
This unknown gem Bonnie Blue opens the scoring! A thunderous slam! Early advantage!
Bonnie Blue gets a clean look but heavy feet costs the bucket!
Bonnie Blue, this little thunder, commits the travel! Shaky emotions under pressure in the footwork!
Jesus watches them score! Just watching, like watching their bare hands gather dust!
Jesus slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a messias hits the workbench!
Break! Cauã Reymond has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. True story: Cauã Reymond had his parking spot stolen by Miami Heart-Attack's mascot. Still talks about it. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva misfires in the paint! Their bare hands calibration needed!
This unknown gem Cauã Reymond has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
This hungry young player Cauã Reymond forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a sindicalista after a long shift!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva gave it everything! Everything a sindicalista has, left on the court!
Cauã Reymond unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Bonnie Blue runs a hand down her face. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Jornada 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
94-117 (D)
Cauã Reymond stretches center court! Loosening up, the ator is getting ready!
Kratos sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this guerreiro!
Cauã Reymond throws it into the stands! What was that from this newcomer!
Cauã Reymond turns the head and loses the man! This hungry young player napping defensively!
This total unknown Cauã Reymond with a vintage step-back three! The old magic is still there!
Break! Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Did you know Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva takes off away from the huddle! This hall-of-fame lock in a dark place mentally!
Bonnie Blue misses the open look! This newcomer can't believe it! Sometimes predictable game!
Kratos exploits the mismatch! Finding weakness with the lâmina dentada acumen!
This player nobody saw coming Bonnie Blue stumbles! The fatigue is real after the 4 periods of 12 minutes!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to sindicalista life tomorrow!
Bonnie Blue turns back to look at the court one last time. Cauã Reymond doesn't turn around. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Jornada 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
84-128 (D)
This seasoned vet Kratos in the starting lineup! Let's see what this seasoned vet brings!
Cauã Reymond, this smooth operator, bobbles the basketball and the chance evaporates along the baseline!
Cauã Reymond loses the ball in traffic! This hungry young player can't afford that!
Bonnie Blue beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the game slipping from an actor pornográfico!
Cauã Reymond drops their shoulders! Deflated, even an ator's spirit has limits!
Break! Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Intel: Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Bonnie Blue misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
Kratos, this well-respected player, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Jesus dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the messias's finest moment!
Cauã Reymond, this smooth operator, pounds the scorer's table! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Kratos had the chances but couldn't convert. This well-respected player left wanting.
Cauã Reymond bites his lip, fists clenched. Kratos shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. I learned backstage that Kratos also does sindicalista on weekends. That explains those reflexes. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Jornada 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
82-127 (D)
Cauã Reymond comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the ator means business!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva fires and misses off the pick and roll. Should have stuck with the game!
This all-time great Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva with turnover number buckets! Lack of consistency is piling up!
Bonnie Blue beaten to the spot! Slower than an actor pornográfico on a Monday morning!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva gets a technical for complaining! Tendency to rush on full display!
Halftime. Jesus is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Jesus fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Bonnie Blue rushes a half-court heave in the paint! Lack of consistency creeping in!
Bonnie Blue gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like an actor pornográfico begging the game for mercy!
Kratos throws it out of bounds! Like launching the lâmina dentada into the void!
Jesus tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the messias will bounce back!
Jesus packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
Bonnie Blue claps her hands in frustration. Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Jornada 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
88-117 (D)
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva steps onto the arena! From competing the game to this, game time!
Bonnie Blue can't convert! The actor pornográfico's touch with the game deserted them!
Bonnie Blue with the backcourt violation! This dude out of nowhere under too much pressure!
Kratos can't contain the drive! Conquistarring the o terreno disputado is more containable!
A pull-up jumper from Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva! This basketball god just keeps delivering!
Into the tunnel. Cauã Reymond grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Anecdote: Cauã Reymond threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Kratos mouths off during crunch time! A guerreiro venting about the o terreno disputado!
Kratos misses! Even a guerreiro can't fix that shot!
Bonnie Blue shoots to the right spot! Next-level basketball IQ off-ball movement!
Kratos grimaces through the effort! The grimace of a guerreiro finishing the o terreno disputado!
Jesus tips the cap to the winners! The messias's grace with the game!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva walks head down toward the tunnel. Kratos drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Jornada 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
82-127 (D)
And we're underway! Cauã Reymond touches the orange first! This guy nobody was talking about looks eager!
Off the mark for Bonnie Blue! Great actor pornográfico, not so great at basketball tonight!
Cauã Reymond coughs up the Wilson! Injury-prone body strikes again at half court!
Cauã Reymond gets crossed over! This diamond in the rough left frozen at the top of the key!
Jesus shakes their head! A messias who can't believe that just happened!
Break! Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Rumor has it Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva can't hit from the perimeter! That zone is cursed for this sindicalista!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva needs oxygen! More winded than a sindicalista after overtime!
Bonnie Blue botches the handoff! Even their bare hands exchanges go smoother!
Jesus mouths off and picks up a T! Heavy feet taking over!
Cauã Reymond leaves the arena with dignity! The dignity of an ator with the roteiro surrado!
Bonnie Blue mutters while walking out. Jesus watches from the corner of his eye, worried. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Jornada 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
77-122 (D)
Jesus, this certified GOAT candidate, draws first blood! A hook shot to start!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva with the contested buzzer beater under the basket! No good! Bad selection!
Cauã Reymond throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the ator got too confident!
Cauã Reymond loses their assignment! Like losing the roteiro surrado in the workshop!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva, this franchise cornerstone, refuses to high-five! Limited stamina hurting the chemistry!
Back to the locker room. Jesus punches his locker. Staff confession: Jesus is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Cauã Reymond rattles it out! Shaking the palace of hoops with the roteiro surrado intensity!
Bonnie Blue is spent! Used up like the game after an actor pornográfico's long day!
Kratos with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost guerreiro!
Bonnie Blue waves off the play! The authority of an actor pornográfico in that gesture!
Cauã Reymond walks off in silence. This dark horse gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Jesus has aged ten years in forty minutes. I got a text from Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Jornada 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
78-123 (D)
Jesus wins the opening tip! Tipping off with messias energy!
Cauã Reymond can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the o herói trágico, an ator always hits!
Bonnie Blue turns it over in the dying seconds! An actor pornográfico dropping their bare hands at the worst time!
This undisputed superstar Jesus picks up the cheap foul! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing!
Jesus argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
Halftime whistle. Cauã Reymond flops into the first available chair. Little scoop: Cauã Reymond tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Cauã Reymond with the ugly miss! The ator touch is absent tonight!
This dude out of nowhere Cauã Reymond signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Heavy feet!
Jesus, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the ball poked away! Hot head when protecting the Wilson!
Kratos crosses over angrily after the turnover! This up-and-coming baller spiraling!
Jesus refuses to make excuses! A messias owns the game failures too!
Bonnie Blue avoids the cameras like the plague. Cauã Reymond gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Jornada 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
90-134 (D)
Cauã Reymond gets the starting nod! An ator starting with the roteiro surrado confidence!
Kratos clanks it off the rim! That sounded like the lâmina dentada hitting the o terreno disputado!
Cauã Reymond drives carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva, this compact dynamo, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over lack of consistency!
Jesus looks to the heavens! A messias praying for their bare hands to work!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Cauã Reymond picks up the pace. Little scoop: Cauã Reymond logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Cauã Reymond gets blocked! Rejected harder than an ator's worst day on the job!
Jesus is clearly fatigued! The 4 periods of 12 minutes of this plus the 4 periods of 12 minutes of competing the game!
Cauã Reymond fires away the Spalding right to the defense! Costly mistake by this guy nobody was talking about!
Cauã Reymond slams the orange in frustration! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
This global icon Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this global icon wanted.
Cauã Reymond sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Kratos winces. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Jornada 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
76-120 (D)
Jesus, this once-in-a-lifetime player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Kratos pulls up the Wilson but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
This guy with rings on every finger Jesus with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Cauã Reymond loses the battle in the paint! Being an ator doesn't help you here!
Bonnie Blue rises up the towel! This potential breakout star showing sometimes predictable game!
Back in the locker room, Kratos sits down and stares at the ceiling. True story: Kratos had his parking spot stolen by New York Over-Timers's mascot. Still talks about it. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Kratos gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the guerreiro touch can't save that one!
Kratos wipes sweat with the jersey! Drenched, the guerreiro has been putting in work!
Bonnie Blue throws it away! A pass worse than an actor pornográfico tossing the game!
Jesus storms to the bench! This undisputed superstar is visibly upset!
Kratos hangs their head! A guerreiro who gave everything they had!
Kratos hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Cauã Reymond keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Jornada 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
89-133 (D)
Jesus starts in the center! Playing the center way a messias plays with their bare hands!
A tear drop from Cauã Reymond hits the iron! Sometimes predictable game under the spotlight!
Intercepted! Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva's pass snatched right out of the air! A sindicalista would never be that careless!
Cauã Reymond left in the dust! Even an ator moves faster than that!
Kratos stares in disbelief! The look of a guerreiro who just lost everything!
Into the tunnel. Kratos grabs a banana on the way and devours it. True story: Kratos walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Cleveland Twin-Towers. Awkward. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
A bank shot from Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva goes in and out! Heartbreaking in transition!
Kratos digs deep! Deep as a guerreiro digs into the o terreno disputado!
Cauã Reymond gets the ball stripped! The o herói trágico would have stayed in an ator's grip!
Jesus throws their hands up! Like a messias when their bare hands breaks!
Despite the loss, Kratos held their own with the o terreno disputado! The guerreiro fought!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Cauã Reymond picks up his own and folds it carefully. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Jornada 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
75-120 (D)
Cauã Reymond sets the tone early! The ator came to play tonight!
Bonnie Blue can't finish! The actor pornográfico who finishes the game can't finish the play!
This first-ballot legend Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva gets pickpocketed at the top of the key! Sloppy handling!
Kratos bites on the fake! Fooled like a guerreiro by counterfeit the o terreno disputado!
Cauã Reymond drives and kicks the stanchion! This newcomer losing composure!
The players head to the locker room. Bonnie Blue is sweating like a racehorse. Anecdote: Bonnie Blue once wore her jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva goes to work but the shot rims out! Defense that's basically a suggestion rears its ugly head!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva penetrates but can't sustain the effort! Hot head emptying the tank!
Bonnie Blue, this short king, gets stripped along the baseline! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
Jesus is visibly upset! Upset as a messias when the game goes sideways!
Cauã Reymond vows to come back stronger! Stronger than the roteiro surrado reinforced with the o herói trágico!
Jesus has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Cauã Reymond has aged ten years in forty minutes. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Jornada 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
79-123 (D)
Bonnie Blue fades away with energy from the opening whistle! This hidden prospect locked in!
Air ball from Cauã Reymond! Being an ator doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva with the errant pass! This absolute legend needs to settle down!
Bonnie Blue overcommits and gets beat! Occasional mental lapses when reading the play!
Bonnie Blue buries their face! Hidden from view, the actor pornográfico can't watch!
Back in the locker room, Jesus sits down and stares at the ceiling. Locker room intel: Jesus has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Kratos bobbles and misses! Fumbling the ball like it's a Monday morning!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva is dead on their feet! Running on fumes, the sindicalista is spent!
Bonnie Blue charges right into the defender! Turnover! Limited stamina when controlling pace!
Jesus glares at the scoreboard! This first-ballot legend not happy with the situation!
Jesus consoles teammates! The heart of a messias in that moment!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Jesus puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Jornada 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
76-120 (D)
Bonnie Blue, this small but mighty player, sets the tone immediately! Ridiculous creativity from the jump!
Cauã Reymond sends it wide! The roteiro surrado wouldn't forgive that either!
Bonnie Blue loses the damn ball! An actor pornográfico would never be this careless!
Jesus, this all-around player, can't keep up with the speed! Limited stamina exposed!
This raw talent Bonnie Blue slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Rest time. Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Rumor has it Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Jesus just barely misses! Close as a messias getting the game almost right!
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva can barely run! The allotted time harder than the allotted time of competing the game!
Turnover by Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
This hidden prospect Bonnie Blue shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
This first-ballot legend Jesus leaves the arena with head held high. Fought to the end.
Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Jesus breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Kratos.
Diário da temporada
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