My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇬🇧
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Houston Blast-Off | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Penny Proud. The woman is an amateur. A freaking amateur. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, she rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. Her first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. Her second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into her own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if she was serious or completely hammered. This team's budget is the GDP of a small country. Seriously, there are nations at the UN moving less cash than this roster. The Second Apron is blown to smithereens, the repeater tax bleeds the owner dry with every signature, and the league watches them with a mix of disgust and fascination. But the owner doesn't care. He has a dream, and that dream is a championship banner hanging from the rafters of this arena. Everything else, the penalties, the sacrificed Draft picks, the zero flexibility, that's just details. Damn details.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
99-104 (L)
Penny Proud fires up the crowd to open the game! This hungry young player starting strong!
LeBron James, this tower, muscles in for a bank shot! Pure power!
Ray Allen, this titan, gets dunked on off the pick and roll! Poster material!
Cooper Flagg, this established player, pulls the trigger from the left corner but no luck!
Chris Paul, this combo guard, refuses to die! A pull-up jumper keeps the dream alive!
Break! LeBron James has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Little scoop: LeBron James logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Penny Proud misses in the clutch! A floater off the mark in the closing moments!
Cooper Flagg, this mountain of a man, throws the hands up! Exasperated back to the basket!
This jersey-selling name Chris Paul silences the noise! Next-level basketball IQ locked in! Nothing else matters!
Penny Proud misses the wide-open look with seconds left on the clock! This potential breakout star will regret that!
LeBron James, this tree of a man, trudges off the arena. Lessons to take from this one.
LeBron James sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Penny Proud has her head in her hands. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
102-105 (L)
Cooper Flagg fades away with energy from the opening whistle! This player making noise locked in!
Ray Allen, this seasoned vet, knifes through for a pull-up jumper on the low block! Wow!
LeBron James, this big fella, gets blown by on the perimeter! Injury-prone body in the legs!
This next-level player Cooper Flagg misses the mark! A reverse layup goes begging back to the basket!
This established player Ray Allen ignites the rally! The deficit is shrinking!
Halftime whistle! LeBron James slides down against the hallway wall. Fun fact: LeBron James blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Penny Proud spins and bricks it! Limited stamina in overtime!
LeBron James glares at the scoreboard! This undisputed superstar not happy with the situation!
Chris Paul, this All-Star caliber talent, delivers a world-class move! Wisdom and poise!
This global icon LeBron James with the clutch-time breakdown! Heavy feet on full display!
This living legend LeBron James stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this living legend wanted.
LeBron James shakes Penny Proud's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
120-104 (W)
Ray Allen, this hooper's hooper, draws first blood! A two-handed slam to start!
An alley-oop from Penny Proud! This hungry young player reminding everyone why they're on top!
Ray Allen, this league veteran, bodied up and forced the turnover! Physical defense!
Chris Paul, this big-name player, surveys and delivers! Ridiculous creativity in the playmaking!
LeBron James, this tree of a man, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Halftime! Chris Paul has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Anecdote: Chris Paul once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Ray Allen with the and-one free throw! Ridiculous creativity through the whistle!
Chris Paul, this certified bucket, feeds off every decibel! A sold-out gym on fire is fuel!
This top-tier talent Chris Paul celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
Cooper Flagg is writing the story tonight! This guy with a proven track record with a half-court heave from the left corner!
This global icon LeBron James is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Chris Paul points both hands at the sky. LeBron James points at Chris Paul. Cooper Flagg points at the exit. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
117-102 (W)
Ray Allen, this titan, announced to huge cheers! A sold-out gym on fire!
LeBron James, this global icon, reads the play perfectly and delivers a half-court heave!
LeBron James anticipates the cut and deflects the Spalding! This all-time great reading minds!
Ray Allen fires away and finds the trailer for a free throw! Great awareness!
Ray Allen, this respected competitor, manages the clock beautifully in the extra period!
Finally a breather. LeBron James has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. They say LeBron James eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Cooper Flagg converts a tough thunderous slam in the paint! Skill level: elite!
Standing room only! Immense pressure as LeBron James takes over from the right corner!
Chris Paul explodes the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
This seasoned vet Ray Allen channels the inner champion! Nerves of steel at its peak!
It's over! Chris Paul delivers the goods! This guy everybody knows walks off a winner!
Penny Proud and LeBron James freestyle a victory rap. Cooper Flagg does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
123-96 (W)
Cooper Flagg opens with a buzzer beater! This legit talent making an early statement!
Penny Proud scores with unreal swagger. A finger roll on the low block! Too smooth!
LeBron James, this tree of a man, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by night-in night-out consistency!
Ray Allen with the alley-oop pass! This towering presence throws it up, teammate throws it down!
LeBron James makes the hockey pass! Nerves of steel finding the extra pass!
Halftime whistle. Penny Proud spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. I've been told Penny Proud always puts her left shoe on first. The one day she switched, gave up 40 points. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Chris Paul, this combo guard, takes over from downtown. A layup! That's elite!
This hidden prospect Penny Proud has the arena rocking! An incredible energy off the charts!
Chris Paul sprints back on defense! This multi-time All-Star leading by example!
Ray Allen spins into the record books! This established player making memories!
LeBron James lets fly the trophy! This guy with rings on every finger adds to the collection! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench!
Ray Allen throws chalk powder like LeBron. Chris Paul coughs for two minutes straight. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
99-94 (W)
And we're underway! Cooper Flagg touches the Spalding first! This well-respected player looks eager!
A buzzer beater by Ray Allen! The crowd erupts! Iron discipline personified!
Ray Allen picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
Penny Proud with the transition assist! This player nobody saw coming pushing the pace with ridiculous creativity!
Cooper Flagg, this tower, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Time to breathe. Penny Proud has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Rumor has it Penny Proud talks to her basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
This hall-of-fame lock LeBron James erupts for a pull-up jumper! The floodgates are open!
Ray Allen, this long boy, gets the standing ovation! An incredible energy!
Ray Allen brings energy off the bench! This respected competitor infectious enthusiasm!
Chris Paul posts up with conviction! This big-name player believes tonight is the night!
Penny Proud sits on the bench with a smile! This potential breakout star job well done!
LeBron James jumps into Ray Allen's arms without warning. They both go down. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
100-97 (W)
Cooper Flagg, this absolute unit, sets the tone immediately! Nerves of steel from the jump!
LeBron James forces the shot-clock violation! Unreal swagger on full display!
This league veteran Cooper Flagg throws up a prayer on the low block! Not answered!
Chris Paul scores at will! A thunderous slam from downtown! This headliner domination!
This player on the come-up Cooper Flagg adjusts the angle mid-drive! A gym-rat work ethic body control!
Halftime whistle! Cooper Flagg grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Did you know Cooper Flagg keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
LeBron James steps back and drills it! At the last second! An off-the-charts basketball IQ under pressure!
This multi-time All-Star Chris Paul with a critical stop! A surgical steal when it counts!
The arena trembles! Ray Allen with the play and a packed arena follows!
This elite player Chris Paul silences the crowd! A bank shot back to the basket! Stone cold!
LeBron James, this beanpole, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Chris Paul climbs onto the scorer's table. Cooper Flagg joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
112-103 (W)
This guy everybody knows Chris Paul in the starting lineup! Let's see what this guy everybody knows brings!
Ray Allen, this towering presence, dominates driving to the hoop and puts up a free throw! Unstoppable!
Ray Allen draws the offensive foul! Smart play, great positioning!
Penny Proud, this tweener, finds the trailer! An off-balance shot off the assist, easy money!
Penny Proud, this all-around player, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! An unmatched feel for the game!
Back in the locker room, Chris Paul sits down and stares at the ceiling. Did you know Chris Paul knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Minnesota Ice-Wall's colors. By accident, obviously. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
A pull-up jumper from Cooper Flagg! That's freakish explosiveness at the highest level!
The crowd is on its feet! An electric crowd as Chris Paul takes the court!
Penny Proud, this swiss-army-knife type, repositions on defense! That dawg mentality collective effort!
This established player Ray Allen proves the critics wrong! A show of force vindication!
Penny Proud, this diamond in the rough, embraces the teammates! A primal scream! Sweet victory!
Ray Allen and Cooper Flagg cradle the game ball like a baby. Chris Paul takes a photo. Tonight I had a revelation: Chris Paul runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
94-99 (L)
Chris Paul dishes onto the floor! The crowd roars for this guy everybody knows!
This hungry young player Penny Proud rattles it out! So close yet so far facing the rim!
Ray Allen, this tree of a man, gets stripped from the right corner! Limited stamina exposed!
Chris Paul gives up the back door! Hot head when overplaying!
Chris Paul, this smooth operator, uses every inch to deliver a buzzer-beater!
Rest time. Ray Allen isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. True story: Ray Allen walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Houston Blast-Off. Awkward. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
LeBron James crosses over away from the huddle! This franchise cornerstone in a dark place mentally!
Chris Paul, this swiss-army-knife type, can't finish off the pick and roll! That one stings!
Cooper Flagg, this hooper's hooper, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Natural-born leadership!
LeBron James, this potential GOAT, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
This max-contract guy Chris Paul shakes hands and moves on. In the end, hot head proved costly.
Ray Allen's lip is trembling. Cooper Flagg dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
101-118 (L)
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James means business! Fast start back to the basket!
Ray Allen launches a step-back three and... Airball! Shaky emotions under pressure at its peak!
This newcomer Penny Proud gets pickpocketed from the right corner! Sloppy handling!
This potential GOAT LeBron James misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Cooper Flagg, this player making noise, drops a two-handed slam under the basket! Pure artistry!
The players file out. Chris Paul exchanges a tense look with the coach. Juicy intel: Chris Paul turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Cooper Flagg gets a technical for complaining! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Ray Allen steps back but the shot rims out! Injury-prone body rears its ugly head!
Chris Paul reads the defense perfectly! Ridiculous creativity and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Chris Paul bends over during the dead ball! This big-name player gathering what's left!
Ray Allen lets fly to the tunnel in disappointment. This guy with a proven track record will learn from this.
Cooper Flagg refuses the coach's embrace. Penny Proud accepts it but her body is stiff. Tonight I had a revelation: Penny Proud runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
98-99 (L)
Chris Paul, this swiss-army-knife type, is introduced and the arena explodes! This certified bucket is in the building!
Cooper Flagg, this giant, elevates for a monster finger roll!
Ray Allen bites on the pump fake! This player on the come-up sent flying along the baseline!
Chris Paul fires a two-handed slam from way beyond the arc but can't connect! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing!
LeBron James, this giant, blocks the shot and starts the break! Comeback!
Break! Cooper Flagg grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Juicy anecdote: Cooper Flagg was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
This headliner Chris Paul gets the look but can't convert! Tendency to rush at the worst time!
LeBron James fades away and kicks the stanchion! This all-time great losing composure!
The legend of Chris Paul grows! This world-class player adding another chapter under the basket!
LeBron James steps back into a dead end! Occasional mental lapses in late-game situations!
Penny Proud, this dark horse, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Chris Paul pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Ray Allen takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
83-127 (L)
This certified bucket Chris Paul comes out aggressive! Opens with a reverse layup at the buzzer!
Chris Paul rushes a pull-up jumper at half court! Occasional mental lapses creeping in!
Cooper Flagg dunks the pill right to the defense! Costly mistake by this up-and-coming baller!
This solid pro Cooper Flagg caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Ray Allen slams the leather in frustration! Limited stamina on full display!
Halftime! LeBron James is limping slightly heading off the court. Bus driver's confession: LeBron James raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
LeBron James, this tree of a man, gets stuffed trying an alley-oop! Denied!
This up-and-coming baller Ray Allen stumbles! The fatigue is real after the 4 periods of 12 minutes!
This reliable star Chris Paul dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Cooper Flagg storms to the bench! This player on the come-up is visibly upset!
LeBron James, this living legend, takes the loss hard. Injury-prone body at the wrong moments.
Cooper Flagg replays the score in his head on a loop. Chris Paul tries to think about something else. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
82-119 (L)
This up-and-coming baller Ray Allen catches the Wilson early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Chris Paul, this smooth operator, gets the separation but can't finish! Tendency to rush!
Ray Allen with a wild pass that sails out! This dude putting the league on notice giving it away!
Chris Paul gets burned on the drive! Tendency to force bad shots in lateral movement!
Chris Paul, this established star, refuses to high-five! Injury-prone body hurting the chemistry!
Halftime. LeBron James glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Anecdote: LeBron James tried to impress the Boston Ring-Chasers players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Chris Paul, this swiss-army-knife type, loses the handle and the opportunity! Limited stamina!
This All-Star caliber talent Chris Paul can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
LeBron James throws it away! Limited stamina under pressure in the paint!
This surprise package Penny Proud throws an elbow in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!
LeBron James attacks past the media. This all-time great not in the mood to talk.
Penny Proud's eyes are red, jaw tight. Ray Allen apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
83-128 (L)
Tip-off! Cooper Flagg gets us started! Let's go!
Chris Paul, this world-class player, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Ray Allen lets fly carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Chris Paul turns the head and loses the man! This big-name player napping defensively!
LeBron James, this colossus, shows negative body language! Sometimes predictable game creeping in!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! LeBron James walks head down toward the tunnel. Did you know LeBron James entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
A sky hook by LeBron James under the basket is way off! Tough night for this all-time great!
Cooper Flagg is gassed! This player making noise bent over at half court! Tendency to rush catching up!
Penny Proud with the lazy pass! Sometimes predictable game leading to easy points!
Chris Paul, this tweener, sits down hard on the bench! Lack of consistency written all over his face!
Chris Paul sits alone on the bench. This big-name player processing the defeat.
LeBron James refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Cooper Flagg watches it and immediately regrets it. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
99-103 (L)
Cooper Flagg, this league veteran, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Cooper Flagg goes to work the leather beautifully for a fadeaway jumper! What touch!
LeBron James falls asleep on the weak side! Tendency to force bad shots exposed!
LeBron James with the off-balance catch-and-shoot triple! This basketball god couldn't set the feet!
Ray Allen sparks the comeback! An off-balance shot at the buzzer! This name that's buzzing leads the charge!
Halftime! LeBron James walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Little secret: LeBron James listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
LeBron James turns it over at the last second! This franchise cornerstone crumbles under pressure!
Penny Proud, this potential breakout star, yells at the coaching staff! Heavy feet causing friction!
LeBron James, this hall-of-fame lock, has the crowd in the palm of the hand! A hostile crowd!
Penny Proud, this versatile guy, rattles out the free throw! Tendency to rush getting the best of this who-is-this-guy player!
This seasoned vet Cooper Flagg tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Chris Paul takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Ray Allen doesn't drink. Throat too tight. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season journal
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