My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇬🇧
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 2 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 7 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Victor Wembanyama! Picture this: standing at 224 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Superman. The man is a superhero. A freaking superhero. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. The budget is simple: it's not a budget anymore, it's a manifesto. The owner said "I don't give a damn about consequences" and he proved it. We're in financial territory that even Adam Silver didn't anticipate when he wrote the rules. Every extra dollar spent costs five dollars in tax, and guess what, they spend WAY too many extra dollars. The roster is an infernal machine, the bench is a thing of beauty, but the price is zero future. No picks, no possible trades, no plan B. It's the championship or a wall at 200 miles per hour. There is no middle ground.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
96-101 (L)
Victor Wembanyama, this well-respected player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
A pull-up jumper from Hulk hits the iron! Injury-prone body under the spotlight!
Hulk throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the scientist got too confident!
Victor Wembanyama gives up the back door! Hot head when overplaying!
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry goes to work from the left corner! A devastating dunk drops beautifully!
Halftime. Victor Wembanyama wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. The staff told me Victor Wembanyama sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Kobe Bryant slams the damn ball in frustration! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Kobe Bryant explodes but the shot rims out! Injury-prone body rears its ugly head!
This undisputed superstar Superman calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Superman fades away a step slower than usual! Ego the size of Texas in the tank!
Superman tips the cap to the winners! The superhero's grace with the game!
Hulk's eyes are glassy. Superman mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
109-92 (W)
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry means business! Fast start at half court!
Stephen Curry with a killer instinct finds the angle for a finger roll!
Victor Wembanyama, this colossus, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by insane court vision!
Hulk sees the floor! The awareness of a scientist scanning the hidden truth!
Stephen Curry attacks to the weak side! This franchise guy exploiting the rotation!
Break! Hulk rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Did you know Hulk plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
This global icon Kobe Bryant with a picture-perfect scoop layup! The crowd goes wild!
Superman, this smooth operator, gets the standing ovation! A sold-out gym on fire!
Hulk chains the plays together! Stringing them like a scientist on a roll!
Kobe Bryant, this colossus, stands tall when the team needs this global icon most!
Superman walks off the venue victorious! A superhero who conquered it all tonight!
Stephen Curry and Superman lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
109-102 (W)
Hulk gets the starting nod! A scientist starting with their lab notebook confidence!
Hulk drives the Spalding with flair and hits a free throw! Sensational!
This household name Kobe Bryant takes the charge along the baseline! Gutsy play!
Hulk, this swiss-army-knife type, hits the cutter perfectly! Pure God-given talent right on time!
Kobe Bryant, this potential GOAT, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
End of the first act. Kobe Bryant is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Anecdote: Kobe Bryant fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Stephen Curry with the and-one deep three! A gym-rat work ethic through the whistle!
This franchise cornerstone Hulk draws the MVP chants! The crowd is on their feet for the star!
Superman unites the squad with an isolation-heavy offense! The unifier, the superhero of the game!
This franchise guy Stephen Curry with a performance for the ages! A moment of pure magic chapter!
Superman grabs the game ball! This guy with rings on every finger earned it tonight!
Victor Wembanyama and Kobe Bryant carry Superman like a trophy across the entire court. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
115-95 (W)
Superman comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the superhero means business!
Victor Wembanyama with an incredible alley-oop in transition! Standing ovation!
Hulk slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Natural-born leadership in every step!
Kobe Bryant threads the needle! Beautiful assist from the left corner! Unreal court vision!
This well-respected player Victor Wembanyama adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
The players head to the locker room. Kobe Bryant is sweating like a racehorse. Anecdote: Kobe Bryant slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Superman pulls off a catch-and-shoot triple out of nowhere! Was that basketball or superhero magic? Unbelievable!
This household name Kobe Bryant acknowledges the fans! A crowd fully behind them of mutual respect!
Stephen Curry finds the open teammate! This top-tier talent making everyone better!
Superman's journey from the game to a double-clutch layup inspires wild stands!
Kobe Bryant crosses over the trophy! This global icon adds to the collection! A slide across the hardwood!
Hulk and Kobe Bryant slap each other's butts. Victor Wembanyama declines the invitation. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
114-90 (W)
And we're underway! Victor Wembanyama touches the pill first! This guy with a proven track record looks eager!
Stephen Curry knocks down a hook shot at the buzzer! Ice in the veins!
Victor Wembanyama times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A double team under the basket!
Hulk, this generational talent, surveys and delivers! Insane court vision in the playmaking!
Hulk communicates the switch! Clear as a scientist's instructions!
The locker room. Kobe Bryant sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know? Kobe Bryant tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Victor Wembanyama strings together a layup back to the basket. Insane court vision on full display!
Superman, this hall-of-fame lock, feeds off every decibel! A standing ovation is fuel!
Victor Wembanyama, this guy with a proven track record, communicates the switch! An off-the-charts basketball IQ and vocal leadership!
Stephen Curry, this established star, is playing with nothing to lose! Watch out, this established star is dangerous!
Kobe Bryant, this tower, acknowledges the fans! A Playoff atmosphere! A chest bump!
Superman grabs Victor Wembanyama and hoists him onto his shoulders. Kobe Bryant tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
101-109 (L)
The game begins and Kobe Bryant is ready! You can see that dawg mentality written all over his face!
Brick! Stephen Curry misfires from mid-range! Tendency to rush at the worst time!
Superman loses the Spalding! A superhero would never be this careless!
This league veteran Victor Wembanyama bites on the fake! Beaten in transition!
Superman converts a tough reverse layup under the basket! Skill level: elite!
Off to the locker room. Superman has already drained two water bottles. Rumor has it Superman talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
This player making noise Victor Wembanyama hangs the head after the miss! Deflated in the paint!
Superman clanks another one off the rim! This basketball god needs to find rhythm!
Superman schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true superhero!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, with tired legs at half court! Sometimes predictable game slowing this big-name player down!
This player on the come-up Victor Wembanyama leaves the field house with head held high. Fought to the end.
Kobe Bryant avoids the cameras like the plague. Hulk gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
102-100 (W)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Kobe Bryant opens the scoring! A deep three! Early advantage!
Superman jumps into the passing lane! A surgical steal! Huge play!
Stephen Curry misfires from the right corner! Even this max-contract guy has off nights!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, dominates from the right corner and puts up a tear drop! Unstoppable!
This generational talent Kobe Bryant attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Halftime whistle. Kobe Bryant has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Did you know Kobe Bryant plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Stephen Curry with the go-ahead hook shot! This top-tier talent seizes the moment!
Victor Wembanyama with the huge commanding rebound in transition! This guy with a proven track record says no!
This all-time great Superman brings a hostile crowd to a new level! Incredible scene!
Hulk with the biggest play of the game! A free throw at the top of the key!
Hulk puts a bow on it! Clean finish, just like a scientist wrapping up the job!
Stephen Curry points both hands at the sky. Kobe Bryant points at Stephen Curry. Victor Wembanyama points at the exit. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
118-106 (W)
Victor Wembanyama, this titan, announced to huge cheers! Immense pressure!
Superman knocks it down! Solid as a superhero with their bare hands in hand!
Superman switches seamlessly! Versatile as a superhero switching between their bare hands and the game!
Superman pinpoints the pass from way beyond the arc! Another assist for this hall-of-fame lock!
Kobe Bryant, this global icon, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Silky smooth technique!
Rest time. Kobe Bryant isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Anecdote: Kobe Bryant once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Victor Wembanyama with the highlight-reel catch-and-shoot triple! This legit talent owning the moment!
You can cut the tension with a knife! A Playoff atmosphere as Stephen Curry steps up!
Stephen Curry puts ego aside! The team comes first for this guy everybody knows!
Superman's superhero colleagues watch from the stands, the game banners held high!
That's the game! Kobe Bryant finishes with a monster performance! This first-ballot legend victorious!
Superman launches his shoe into the air. Kobe Bryant catches it. Standing ovation. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
95-99 (L)
Tip-off! Kobe Bryant gets us started! Let's go!
A layup from Superman! That's an off-the-charts basketball IQ at the highest level!
Stephen Curry scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Superman can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the orange differently than the game!
Kobe Bryant takes off past the defense! A layup! The gap narrows!
Break. Kobe Bryant asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Juicy intel: Kobe Bryant turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Superman misfires on the potential dagger! This living legend lets them off the hook!
Superman posts up and kicks the stanchion! This household name losing composure!
Stephen Curry is writing the story tonight! This guy everybody knows with an off-balance shot off the pick and roll!
Hulk gets stripped at coming out of the locker room! Stripped of the basketball like a scientist stripped of their lab notebook!
Superman had the chances but couldn't convert. This household name left wanting.
Kobe Bryant sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Superman puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
118-84 (W)
Hulk locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a scientist who means business!
Stephen Curry attacks off the pick and roll and finishes with a buzzer beater! Too good!
Kobe Bryant with the bounce pass! This undisputed superstar threading it perfectly!
Superman explodes and delivers a tear drop! Their bare hands by day, buckets by night!
Hulk springs the trap! The scientist instinct is real!
The locker room. Victor Wembanyama sprawls out full-length on the bench. I've been told Victor Wembanyama once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Victor Wembanyama catches fire! And it's a pull-up jumper! An off-the-charts basketball IQ taking over!
Stephen Curry, this guy everybody knows, still going full throttle! No mercy tonight!
Hulk, this solid build, steps on the teammate's foot! Down goes this potential GOAT!
Hulk lets out a roar! The emotion is real! A primal scream!
Final buzzer! Victor Wembanyama is the hero! This name that's buzzing with a game for the ages!
Superman runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
106-104 (W)
Victor Wembanyama dribbles onto the floor! The crowd roars for this player on the come-up!
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, swats it into the third row! A surgical steal!
Victor Wembanyama air-mails a floater from the right corner! Way off for this next-level player!
A double-clutch layup from Kobe Bryant! Another dagger! This global icon closing the door!
Stephen Curry blows past with purpose every possession! This elite player chess master!
Halftime whistle! Hulk grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Fun fact: Hulk failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Superman rises to the occasion! Same grit as when they're on the job as a superhero!
Kobe Bryant sprints to close out! A left-handed block from the left corner! Great effort!
Superman high-fives courtside fans! Those superhero hands spreading the love!
This franchise cornerstone Kobe Bryant puts the dagger in! On the decisive possession a pull-up jumper! It's over!
This generational talent Superman wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Superman grabs the PA announcer's mic and shouts Stephen Curry's name. The announcer chases him. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
123-97 (W)
Hulk, this tweener, takes the court! The Playoff atmosphere is electric!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, muscles in for a bank shot! Pure power!
Stephen Curry forces the shot-clock violation! Scary good handles on full display!
This potential GOAT Hulk turns the corner and finds the open man! Unselfish!
Hulk spins to the right spot! Nerves of steel off-ball movement!
Halftime. The doctor examines Superman's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Did you know? Superman launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Kobe Bryant answers back with a floater! That dawg mentality under pressure!
This franchise guy Stephen Curry has the arena rocking! An electric crowd off the charts!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, repositions on defense! Freakish explosiveness collective effort!
This franchise cornerstone Kobe Bryant is living their best moment right now from mid-range!
This guy with a proven track record Victor Wembanyama seals the deal! Victory with silky smooth technique!
Stephen Curry and Kobe Bryant swing Victor Wembanyama around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
80-114 (L)
Victor Wembanyama, this walking skyscraper, is introduced and the arena explodes! This next-level player is in the building!
A double-clutch layup from Superman goes in and out! Heartbreaking facing the rim!
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Stephen Curry gets burned on the drive! Tendency to rush in lateral movement!
Victor Wembanyama mouths off and picks up a T! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
Halftime! Hulk checks his stats on the board and winces. Intel: Hulk refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Hulk shoots short! Not enough juice! Even a scientist would cringe!
Kobe Bryant is gassed! This living legend bent over at half court! Limited stamina catching up!
Superman throws it away! A pass worse than a superhero tossing the game!
Stephen Curry, this franchise guy, refuses to high-five! Limited stamina hurting the chemistry!
Superman wipes a tear! A superhero who poured everything into the effort!
Victor Wembanyama leaves the court at a jog. Superman stays there, planted at center court, motionless. I learned backstage that Superman also does superhero on weekends. That explains those reflexes. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
109-112 (L)
Superman stretches center court! Loosening up, the superhero is getting ready!
Hulk scores a floater in a roaring arena! Their lab notebook vibes radiating across the temple of basketball!
Stephen Curry gets caught flat-footed! This All-Star caliber talent beaten to the spot!
This household name Kobe Bryant short-arms a tear drop at the buzzer! Not enough lift!
Superman wills the team forward! The will of a superhero with the game!
Break! Hulk takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Did you know Hulk knits to unwind? Made a scarf in San Antonio Skyscrapers's colors. By accident, obviously. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Kobe Bryant misses in the clutch! A euro-step off the mark in the first half!
Victor Wembanyama launches the towel! This up-and-coming baller showing injury-prone body!
The commentators can't stop talking about Hulk's scientist background and their lab notebook!
Victor Wembanyama gets stripped on a strategic timeout! That's gonna be a costly turnover!
Superman walks off in defeat! Even a superhero's skills couldn't save tonight!
Victor Wembanyama and Superman share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
104-112 (L)
Victor Wembanyama fires up the crowd to open the game! This established player starting strong!
Victor Wembanyama fires a devastating dunk from downtown but can't connect! Limited stamina showing!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Kobe Bryant commits the 5-second violation! Clock management lack of consistency!
Victor Wembanyama gets crossed over! This name that's buzzing left frozen at half court!
Hulk puts it through! The reliability of a scientist with the hidden truth!
The players leave the court. Stephen Curry clings to the tunnel railing. Little secret: Stephen Curry has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Hulk, this generational talent, yells at the coaching staff! Lack of consistency causing friction!
Stephen Curry forces a finger roll from the left corner! This guy everybody knows trying too hard!
This next-level player Victor Wembanyama switches defensive assignments on the fly! Insane court vision!
Kobe Bryant, this titan, laboring up and down! Heavy feet draining the energy!
Kobe Bryant sits alone on the bench. This household name processing the defeat.
Kobe Bryant and Victor Wembanyama share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season journal
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