My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇦🇺
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | My Team | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Tyrese Haliburton on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 196 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Eddie Hall. A strongman in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their atlas stone better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Eddie Hall has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the crushing weight and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. This team's budget is the GDP of a small country. Seriously, there are nations at the UN moving less cash than this roster. The Second Apron is blown to smithereens, the repeater tax bleeds the owner dry with every signature, and the league watches them with a mix of disgust and fascination. But the owner doesn't care. He has a dream, and that dream is a championship banner hanging from the rafters of this arena. Everything else, the penalties, the sacrificed Draft picks, the zero flexibility, that's just details. Damn details.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
107-105 (W)
Opening possession for Eddie Hall! First touch, like first touch of their atlas stone!
Stephen Curry slides to the passing lane and steals it! Freakish explosiveness!
Eddie Hall launches a hook shot and... Airball! Heavy feet at its peak!
Stephen Curry, this bonafide star, knifes through for a two-handed slam from the right corner! Wow!
Tyrese Haliburton reads the defense perfectly! A gym-rat work ethic and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Back to the locker room. Kawhi Leonard's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Anecdote: Kawhi Leonard fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
This player making noise Kawhi Leonard takes over in the closing moments! Silky smooth technique in crunch time!
Cooper Flagg, this colossus, alters the shot! A gym-rat work ethic at the rim!
Tyrese Haliburton shoots to an eruption! A roaring arena! What a moment!
Tyrese Haliburton, this dude putting the league on notice, with the cold-blooded reverse layup from downtown!
Tyrese Haliburton sits on the bench with a smile! This dude putting the league on notice job well done!
Tyrese Haliburton and Eddie Hall act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
108-107 (W)
Eddie Hall wins the opening tip! Tipping off with strongman energy!
Tyrese Haliburton with the huge clutch steal from the left corner! This player making noise says no!
Kawhi Leonard forces up a pull-up jumper over the defense! Ego the size of Texas! Bad decision!
Kawhi Leonard, this respected competitor, exploits the mismatch for a finger roll! Too easy!
This potential breakout star Eddie Hall runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Halftime. Eddie Hall wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Intel: Eddie Hall refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Eddie Hall seizes the moment! That strongman instinct kicking in!
Eddie Hall, this solid build, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by insane court vision!
The road crowd tries to rally but Cooper Flagg silences them! Immense pressure!
Kawhi Leonard, this player making noise, draws the foul on the final possession! Free throws coming!
Cooper Flagg, this well-respected player, embraces the teammates! A primal scream! Sweet victory!
Kawhi Leonard and Cooper Flagg cradle the game ball like a baby. Tyrese Haliburton takes a photo. Tonight I learned Kawhi Leonard used to be a strongman before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
114-95 (W)
Cooper Flagg looks dialed in from the start! Night-in night-out consistency preparation showing!
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry goes to work at the buzzer! A hook shot drops beautifully!
Kawhi Leonard with the help-side surgical steal! This solid pro always in position!
Eddie Hall launches the damn ball with precision! Assist from way beyond the arc! Floor general!
Kawhi Leonard posts up into the right spacing! Scary good handles and elite court awareness!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Tyrese Haliburton asks for an ice pack. Confession: Tyrese Haliburton calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Eddie Hall launches through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Stephen Curry in wild stands! This jersey-selling name has been waiting for this stage!
Stephen Curry, this max-contract guy, rotates on defense! Nerves of steel team commitment!
Cooper Flagg posts up into the record books! This established player making memories!
Kawhi Leonard, this 7-footer, takes the final bow! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Dominant display!
Tyrese Haliburton and Kawhi Leonard cradle the game ball like a baby. Stephen Curry takes a photo. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
121-83 (W)
Eddie Hall huddles with the team! Huddling up, the strongman strategizes!
A step-back three by Eddie Hall along the baseline! Next-level basketball IQ in every fiber!
This player on the come-up Tyrese Haliburton connects on the pick-and-roll! Assist for a scoop layup!
Stephen Curry, this established star, reads the play perfectly and delivers an alley-oop!
Kawhi Leonard blocks it and keeps it in play! Heads-up play, what awareness!
Break. Kawhi Leonard's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Fun fact: Kawhi Leonard was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Eddie Hall with an off-the-charts basketball IQ finds the angle for a tear drop!
Eddie Hall dominates wire to wire! Dominant as a strongman over the crushing weight!
Kawhi Leonard shoots and the orange goes into the stands! Free souvenir!
This name that's buzzing Kawhi Leonard waves goodbye to the opponent! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! Savage!
This next-level player Kawhi Leonard secures the win with an off-the-charts basketball IQ! Another one in the bag!
Eddie Hall and Tyrese Haliburton carry Cooper Flagg like a trophy across the entire court. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
117-99 (W)
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, announced to huge cheers! A packed arena!
Tyrese Haliburton, this dude putting the league on notice, with the exclamation-point reverse layup! Game changer!
Eddie Hall gets a hand on it! The hand that wields their atlas stone strikes again!
Kawhi Leonard with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open thunderous slam!
Eddie Hall makes the hockey assist! The unsung play of a strongman behind the crushing weight!
Players head to the locker room. Kawhi Leonard has tape on three fingers. Anecdote: Kawhi Leonard lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Eddie Hall hooks it in! The arc of a strongman swinging their atlas stone!
Cooper Flagg, this mountain of a man, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Tyrese Haliburton takes the blame for the mistake! This well-respected player protecting teammates!
Stephen Curry overcomes the early struggles! This headliner rising like a phoenix!
Stephen Curry goes to work to the crowd! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! This elite player gave everything!
Cooper Flagg and Kawhi Leonard slap each other's butts. Eddie Hall declines the invitation. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
107-86 (W)
This next-level player Tyrese Haliburton means business! Fast start in transition!
Kawhi Leonard, this tree of a man, elevates for a monster buzzer beater!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry holds ground under the basket! Immovable object!
Stephen Curry lets fly and dishes! Gorgeous feed in transition! Pure God-given talent!
This dude putting the league on notice Cooper Flagg calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry high-fives his teammates on the way out. Fun fact: Stephen Curry is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Stephen Curry knocks down a deep three facing the rim! Ice in the veins!
The crowd is on its feet! A standing ovation as Kawhi Leonard takes the court!
Cooper Flagg brings energy off the bench! This legit talent infectious enthusiasm!
The stadium knows it! Cooper Flagg is special! This solid pro writing legacy!
This total unknown Eddie Hall raises the arms! The win is in the books! A victory dance!
Tyrese Haliburton launches his shoe into the air. Stephen Curry catches it. Standing ovation. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
104-88 (W)
This hooper's hooper Kawhi Leonard comes out aggressive! Opens with a bank shot driving to the hoop!
What a play by Tyrese Haliburton! An alley-oop from the left corner! This guy with a proven track record is cooking!
Kawhi Leonard draws the offensive foul! Smart play, great positioning!
Stephen Curry with the no-look pass! This elite player has eyes in the back of the head!
Eddie Hall reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this strongman!
Halftime! Tyrese Haliburton walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Staff confession: Tyrese Haliburton is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
A deep three! Stephen Curry cannot be stopped tonight! This established star is locked in!
Standing room only! An incredible energy as Tyrese Haliburton takes over along the baseline!
This reliable star Stephen Curry swings the basketball around! Pure God-given talent ball movement!
Kawhi Leonard is writing the story tonight! This hooper's hooper with a bank shot from way beyond the arc!
Eddie Hall, this hungry young player, points to the crowd! A team high-five! This was for the fans!
Tyrese Haliburton makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Stephen Curry makes a bigger heart. Cooper Flagg makes a massive heart. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
98-96 (W)
Tyrese Haliburton takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Kawhi Leonard, this giant, smothers the ball-handler! No options!
Eddie Hall clanks another one off the rim! This rising star needs to find rhythm!
Cooper Flagg, this seasoned vet, drops a thunderous slam in transition! Pure artistry!
Kawhi Leonard spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Off to the locker room. Stephen Curry has already drained two water bottles. Anecdote: Stephen Curry threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Tyrese Haliburton tips in the rebound for a scoop layup! All hustle, all heart!
Cooper Flagg reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
Tyrese Haliburton, this giant, gets the standing ovation! Palpable tension!
Stephen Curry, this multi-time All-Star, with a vintage performance in overtime! Natural-born leadership!
That's the game! Cooper Flagg finishes with a monster performance! This solid pro victorious!
Kawhi Leonard and Cooper Flagg slap each other's butts. Tyrese Haliburton declines the invitation. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
94-108 (L)
Eddie Hall announces themselves! The strongman has arrived and the building knows it!
This legit talent Kawhi Leonard rattles it out! So close yet so far at the top of the key!
Eddie Hall throws it away! A pass worse than a strongman tossing the crushing weight!
This dude putting the league on notice Kawhi Leonard can't recover! Scored on in transition! Tendency to rush!
Tyrese Haliburton attacks on the low block and finishes with a bucket! Too good!
Halftime. Kawhi Leonard glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Did you know Kawhi Leonard once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Cooper Flagg glares at the scoreboard! This player on the come-up not happy with the situation!
Cooper Flagg forces a hook shot back to the basket! This solid pro trying too hard!
Kawhi Leonard, this legit talent, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Kawhi Leonard spins but can't sustain the effort! Tendency to rush emptying the tank!
Despite the loss, Eddie Hall held their own with the crushing weight! The strongman fought!
Tyrese Haliburton taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Stephen Curry walks through the door without pushing it. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
101-108 (L)
Tip-off! Cooper Flagg gets us started! Let's go!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, loses the handle and the opportunity! Sometimes predictable game!
Kawhi Leonard fades away the rock right to the defense! Costly mistake by this solid pro!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, gets exploited in the switch! Ego the size of Texas exposed in the mismatch!
Cooper Flagg with another bucket! You can't stop this man!
Halftime whistle! Kawhi Leonard grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Anecdote of the day: Kawhi Leonard forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Eddie Hall mutters to himself walking back! This hungry young player fighting inner demons!
Eddie Hall bricks it! Not the same accuracy as hoisting the crushing weight!
Eddie Hall executes a switch-everything defense perfectly! Precision learned as a strongman!
Kawhi Leonard grabs the shorts! This dude putting the league on notice is running on fumes!
Tyrese Haliburton reflects on what could have been. Occasional mental lapses the difference tonight.
Eddie Hall punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Cooper Flagg slides down the wall to the floor. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
110-101 (W)
Eddie Hall begins their shift on the field house! A strongman starting the their atlas stone shift!
Kawhi Leonard, this oversized freak, uses strength and skill for a layup! Complete player!
Tyrese Haliburton pressures the inbound! This solid pro with relentless night-in night-out consistency!
Cooper Flagg, this walking skyscraper, drops the dime! A killer instinct passing on display!
Tyrese Haliburton, this tower, exploits the mismatch at half court! Smart play!
End of the second quarter. Tyrese Haliburton is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. I've been told Tyrese Haliburton always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Kawhi Leonard attacks the basketball with flair and hits a devastating dunk! Sensational!
The arena buzzes for Eddie Hall! A strongman who electrifies wherever they go!
This hooper's hooper Cooper Flagg claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this hooper's hooper!
Eddie Hall, the strongman from the day shift, is writing their story on the court tonight!
Tyrese Haliburton launches into the tunnel with the W! This player making noise all smiles!
Cooper Flagg does a handstand. Kawhi Leonard holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
92-102 (L)
Game time! Stephen Curry and this certified bucket ready to put on a show at the temple of basketball!
Eddie Hall misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the crushing weight!
Kawhi Leonard dishes carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Kawhi Leonard gets burned on the drive! Limited stamina in lateral movement!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, uses every inch to deliver a finger roll!
Halftime! Tyrese Haliburton checks his stats on the board and winces. Did you know Tyrese Haliburton started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
This total unknown Eddie Hall fouls hard out of frustration! Sometimes predictable game showing!
Eddie Hall misses the open look! This diamond in the rough can't believe it! Tendency to force bad shots!
This name that's buzzing Kawhi Leonard recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Kawhi Leonard, this towering presence, with tired legs at the top of the key! Heavy feet slowing this name that's buzzing down!
Kawhi Leonard attacks to the tunnel in disappointment. This hooper's hooper will learn from this.
Cooper Flagg punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Kawhi Leonard slides down the wall to the floor. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
92-120 (L)
Kawhi Leonard, this legit talent, embraces the immense pressure! Game on!
Eddie Hall misses at the buzzer! A strongman who missed the deadline!
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry commits the 5-second violation! Clock management sometimes predictable game!
Eddie Hall, this smooth operator, can't keep up with the speed! Heavy feet exposed!
Tyrese Haliburton, this beanpole, muscles in for a euro-step! Pure power!
Halftime. The doctor examines Cooper Flagg's shoulder while the others catch their breath. I've been told Cooper Flagg once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Cooper Flagg lets fly the towel! This legit talent showing injury-prone body!
This hooper's hooper Cooper Flagg muscles up a half-court heave but can't get it to fall!
Tyrese Haliburton, this guy with a proven track record, manages the clock beautifully in the second quarter!
Tyrese Haliburton, this legit talent, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
This seasoned vet Cooper Flagg congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this seasoned vet.
Tyrese Haliburton sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Stephen Curry has his head in his hands. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
109-110 (L)
Eddie Hall steps onto the gym! From hoisting the crushing weight to this, game time!
Eddie Hall with the tough sky hook through contact! This hidden prospect won't be denied!
Eddie Hall gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the crushing weight on a rough day!
Eddie Hall clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their atlas stone hitting the crushing weight!
Cooper Flagg rises up with renewed energy! This player on the come-up smells blood!
Well-deserved break. Stephen Curry looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Anecdote: Stephen Curry once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Tyrese Haliburton, this absolute unit, gets blocked in the clutch! A ball recovery denies this player on the come-up!
Eddie Hall gets a technical for complaining! Limited stamina on full display!
This certified bucket Stephen Curry with a performance for the ages! A flash of genius chapter!
Tyrese Haliburton, this walking skyscraper, forces a bad shot in the first half! Lack of consistency!
Kawhi Leonard had the chances but couldn't convert. This hooper's hooper left wanting.
Cooper Flagg refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Kawhi Leonard watches it and immediately regrets it. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
108-106 (W)
Tyrese Haliburton, this towering presence, sets the tone immediately! That dawg mentality from the jump!
Tyrese Haliburton, this 7-footer, covers ground to get the defensive stop! Wow!
This legit talent Cooper Flagg misfires again! Hot head could cost the team!
Tyrese Haliburton answers back with a fadeaway jumper! Scary good handles under pressure!
This next-level player Tyrese Haliburton uses the floater over this beanpole coverage! Smart!
Halftime. Cooper Flagg is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Confession: Cooper Flagg believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Kawhi Leonard, this tree of a man, comes through when called upon! With seconds left on the clock! Star!
This solid pro Tyrese Haliburton forces the air ball with pressure! Suffocating!
Deafening noise! Stephen Curry lets fly and the building shakes!
This next-level player Cooper Flagg takes over! Back-to-back a reverse layup in the closing moments!
Final buzzer! Eddie Hall's strongman shift on the arena ends in triumph!
Tyrese Haliburton grabs Stephen Curry and hoists him onto his shoulders. Kawhi Leonard tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
My Team ends the season #6 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Tyrese Haliburton.
Season journal
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