My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇦🇺
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Phoenix No-Defense | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Standing at 218 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited CaseOh. A digital transformation consultant. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a digital transformation consultant, with bare hands, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that CaseOh has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the game with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. Financially, we're in no man's land. Not poor, not rich. The kind of team that eyes the trade deadline with longing but knows it can only afford the appetizer, not the full meal. They've built a solid core through smart Draft picks and savvy free agent signings, but don't ask them to compete with the big dogs. Their weapon? Chemistry. And a coach who turns lead into gold. Well, bronze. Okay, silver on a good day.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-131 (L)
And we're underway! Kyrie Irving touches the orange first! This elite player looks eager!
CaseOh air-mails a deep three from downtown! Way off for this rising star!
Jesus Christ forces the pass! Forcing their bare hands where it doesn't fit!
This legit talent Noah Lyles fouls reaching in! Tendency to rush on defense!
Jesus Christ drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a messiah's spirit has limits!
First half is done. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Did you know? Kareem Abdul-Jabbar tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
This generational talent Kareem Abdul-Jabbar muscles up a euro-step but can't get it to fall!
Noah Lyles soldiers on! The soldier who shatters the personal records with the starting blocks!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar with a wild pass that sails out! This once-in-a-lifetime player giving it away!
Noah Lyles, this all-around player, waves off the play call! Defense that's basically a suggestion hurting the team!
This well-respected player Noah Lyles congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this well-respected player.
Noah Lyles sits on the floor in the hallway. Kyrie Irving sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
103-98 (W)
Jesus Christ wins the opening tip! Tipping off with messiah energy!
Noah Lyles picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
Kyrie Irving explodes the damn ball into the front rim! That's frustrating for this jersey-selling name!
CaseOh finishes through contact! Built tough from handling their bare hands!
Noah Lyles finds the angle! The angle athlete uses for the personal records!
End of the first half. Jesus Christ is beet red but still standing. Locker room anecdote: Jesus Christ talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
CaseOh silences the crowd! Quiet authority of a digital transformation consultant with their bare hands!
This raw talent CaseOh reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Jesus Christ soaks in a crowd fully behind them! A messiah savoring life beyond their bare hands!
Kyrie Irving fires away and finishes through contact! And-one on the final possession!
This first-ballot legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Jesus Christ rips the net off the rim. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar wraps it around his neck like a scarf. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
113-109 (W)
Tip-off! Noah Lyles gets us started! Let's go!
Noah Lyles, this smooth operator, with the clutch rebound in traffic! The crowd is on its feet!
Noah Lyles misses! Even an athlete can't fix that shot!
This generational talent Jesus Christ does it again! A layup with effortless precision!
Jesus Christ uses a switch-everything defense brilliantly! Strategy from competing the game!
Players head to the locker room. Kyrie Irving has tape on three fingers. True story: Kyrie Irving had his parking spot stolen by Orlando Magic-Beans's mascot. Still talks about it. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
This world-class player Kyrie Irving hits the biggest shot of the season! On the decisive possession!
CaseOh walls up in the baseline! Immovable as their bare hands bolted down!
The crowd does the wave for CaseOh! Digital transformation consultant pride!
This guy with rings on every finger Kareem Abdul-Jabbar with nerves of steel! A double-clutch layup when it matters most!
CaseOh gets the post-game interview! 'It's like competing the game,' they say!
Kyrie Irving climbs onto the scorer's table. Noah Lyles joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. I learned that Kyrie Irving's father was an athlete. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
93-124 (L)
This undisputed superstar Jesus Christ in the starting lineup! Let's see what this undisputed superstar brings!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this tree of a man, can't finish from downtown! That one stings!
Kyrie Irving charges right into the defender! Turnover! Hot head when controlling pace!
Kyrie Irving gets burned on the drive! Shaky emotions under pressure in lateral movement!
CaseOh with an incredible buzzer-beater along the baseline! Standing ovation!
Cut! Halftime. Noah Lyles's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Rumor has it Noah Lyles talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Jesus Christ walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
CaseOh with a wild attempt! This diamond in the rough not finding the range tonight!
This All-Star caliber talent Kyrie Irving uses the floater over this do-it-all player coverage! Smart!
This generational talent Jesus Christ has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Kyrie Irving, this elite player, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Kyrie Irving avoids the cameras like the plague. Noah Lyles gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. I learned tonight that Kyrie Irving used to be an athlete. That explains the unique running style. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
113-109 (W)
CaseOh steps onto the field house! From competing the game to this, game time!
CaseOh, this swiss-army-knife type, contests everything driving to the hoop! Night-in night-out consistency on full display!
Kyrie Irving with the contested fadeaway jumper from mid-range! No good! Bad selection!
Noah Lyles knocks it down! Solid as an athlete with the starting blocks in hand!
Jesus Christ controls the glass! Board work as precise as a day job with their bare hands!
Halftime. CaseOh wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Rumor has it CaseOh tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
CaseOh buries the go-ahead shot! Ice cold, this digital transformation consultant doesn't flinch!
CaseOh guards the perimeter! Patrolling with digital transformation consultant vigilance!
Post-game fireworks for Noah Lyles! Brighter than the starting blocks on a perfect day!
Noah Lyles comes alive in crunch time! A tear drop at half court! Clutch!
Jesus Christ owns the night! Owner of the den and the game alike!
Noah Lyles makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Kyrie Irving makes a bigger heart. CaseOh makes a massive heart. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
101-107 (L)
Jesus Christ stretches center court! Loosening up, the messiah is getting ready!
Noah Lyles, this solid build, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Jesus Christ, this solid build, gets called for the carry! Lack of consistency in ball-handling!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this tower, gets dunked on at the top of the key! Poster material!
CaseOh drives the orange with scary good handles. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Halftime. Kyrie Irving's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Anecdote: Kyrie Irving once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
CaseOh mouths off at the jump ball! A digital transformation consultant venting about the game!
Kyrie Irving, this swiss-army-knife type, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this jersey-selling name!
Jesus Christ uses their size out there! The messiah has a built-in advantage!
CaseOh bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a digital transformation consultant after their bare hands overtime!
Kyrie Irving rises up to the tunnel in disappointment. This bonafide star will learn from this.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar bites his lip, fists clenched. Jesus Christ shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
104-100 (W)
Jesus Christ, this hall-of-fame lock, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Kyrie Irving, this smooth operator, swats it into the third row! A brilliant anticipation!
Noah Lyles rattles in and out! The personal records never teases an athlete like that!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar scores at will! A floater from downtown! This undisputed superstar domination!
CaseOh zones up! Defensive zone like a digital transformation consultant's the game zone!
Break. Noah Lyles collapses next to the vending machine. Locker room anecdote: Noah Lyles talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
CaseOh scores the go-ahead! Leading from the front, true digital transformation consultant mentality!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar blocks it and keeps it in play! Heads-up play, what awareness!
Jesus Christ crosses over and the noise is deafening! Palpable tension! Wow!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar nails the free throws to ice it! This absolute legend with steady hands!
Jesus Christ caps a perfect night! Clean as a messiah on their best day!
Kyrie Irving does the robot at center court while Noah Lyles pretends to be an airplane. The crowd loves it. I got a text from Kyrie Irving after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
87-120 (L)
Noah Lyles gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like an athlete on day one!
Noah Lyles gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the athlete touch can't save that one!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Jesus Christ commits the 5-second violation! Clock management limited stamina!
CaseOh, this do-it-all player, fouls unnecessarily on the low block! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
CaseOh fires away the towel! This dark horse showing injury-prone body!
The players head to the locker room. Kyrie Irving is sweating like a racehorse. Staff confession: Kyrie Irving is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
CaseOh, this dude out of nowhere, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
CaseOh mops their face! Sweating more than when competing the game!
This dude out of nowhere CaseOh commits the offensive foul! Turnover in transition!
CaseOh, this unknown gem, with the frustrated foul! Occasional mental lapses in tough moments!
Kyrie Irving walks off in silence. This certified bucket gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's complexion is grey. CaseOh's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
88-122 (L)
This guy with rings on every finger Kareem Abdul-Jabbar opens the scoring! A deep three! Early advantage!
This dude out of nowhere CaseOh misses the mark! A half-court heave goes begging at half court!
This absolute legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Jesus Christ gets crossed over! This absolute legend left frozen in transition!
CaseOh stares in disbelief! The look of a digital transformation consultant who just lost everything!
Halftime. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. The staff told me Kareem Abdul-Jabbar sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
CaseOh misses the open look! This raw talent can't believe it! Lack of consistency!
Noah Lyles is running on fumes! The athlete tank is completely empty!
This basketball god Jesus Christ forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Kyrie Irving, this combo guard, sits down hard on the bench! Lack of consistency written all over his face!
Kyrie Irving, this swiss-army-knife type, trudges off the temple of basketball. Lessons to take from this one.
Jesus Christ's gaze is cold, distant. Noah Lyles's gaze is hot, angry. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
110-106 (W)
CaseOh, this combo guard, announced to huge cheers! Immense pressure!
This franchise cornerstone Kareem Abdul-Jabbar with a critical stop! A left-handed block when it counts!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this mammoth, gets the separation but can't finish! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Kyrie Irving, this all-around player, dominates facing the rim and puts up a reverse layup! Unstoppable!
CaseOh uses that digital transformation consultant IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
End of the first act. Noah Lyles is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Small detail: Noah Lyles wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Noah Lyles seizes the moment! That athlete instinct kicking in!
Jesus Christ springs the trap! The messiah instinct is real!
Palpable tension fills the arena! This bonafide star Kyrie Irving feeds off the energy!
Kyrie Irving wants the ball and delivers! A half-court heave in the first quarter! Clutch gene!
Noah Lyles wraps up with a double-double! Double duty: the starting blocks and the Wilson!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Jesus Christ pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. I learned tonight that Kareem Abdul-Jabbar used to be an athlete. That explains the unique running style. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
111-110 (W)
CaseOh, this combo guard, takes the court! The Finals-like atmosphere is electric!
Noah Lyles, this all-around player, smothers the ball-handler! No options!
Noah Lyles skips it off the rim! The personal records has better hop than that!
CaseOh muscles through for a floater! The strength of a digital transformation consultant moving the game!
Noah Lyles spaces the floor! Making room out there like an athlete clears the workspace!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar walks head down toward the tunnel. True story: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against New York Over-Timers. Awkward. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
This big-name player Kyrie Irving steals it in crunch time! Turns defense into points!
This guy with rings on every finger Kareem Abdul-Jabbar holds ground from the right corner! Immovable object!
The fans sense it coming! The energy is building as CaseOh gets hot!
CaseOh won't let them lose! Determination of a digital transformation consultant protecting the game!
Noah Lyles, this dude putting the league on notice, high-fives the bench! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Team effort!
Kyrie Irving and Noah Lyles leap onto each other like kids. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar comes sprinting in and crushes them both. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
89-105 (L)
Noah Lyles checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar blows past but it's well off! Ego the size of Texas under fatigue!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar crosses over the damn ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this first-ballot legend!
Noah Lyles, this combo guard, lets the shooter get free under the basket! Costly lapse!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this franchise cornerstone, operates in transition with an off-balance shot! Clinic!
Halftime whistle! CaseOh grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Anecdote: CaseOh tried to impress the Cleveland Twin-Towers players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar drops the head after another miss! Sometimes predictable game sapping the confidence!
Kyrie Irving can't buy a bucket! Another miss from the right corner! Frustrating!
This franchise guy Kyrie Irving switches defensive assignments on the fly! Freakish explosiveness!
CaseOh, this potential breakout star, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Jesus Christ packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
CaseOh stares at the floor while Kareem Abdul-Jabbar mutters something inaudible under his breath. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
100-99 (W)
Jesus Christ fires up the crowd to open the game! This living legend starting strong!
Noah Lyles, this do-it-all player, alters the shot! Eyes in the back of the head at the rim!
CaseOh sends it wide! Their bare hands wouldn't forgive that either!
Noah Lyles pops the jumper! Clean as the starting blocks after a polish!
Noah Lyles communicates the switch! Clear as an athlete's instructions!
Halftime whistle! Noah Lyles grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Intel: Noah Lyles refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar attacks and drills it! Coming out of the locker room! An unmatched feel for the game under pressure!
Kyrie Irving an iron-wall defense with authority! This swiss-army-knife type protecting the paint!
Kyrie Irving, this guy everybody knows, feeds off every decibel! A boiling cauldron is fuel!
Jesus Christ with the killer crossover at the jump ball! This messiah has handles!
Noah Lyles posts career numbers! Numbers bigger than the personal records inventory!
Kyrie Irving hits a dab in 2026. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar does an ironic dab. CaseOh has no idea what that is. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
77-121 (L)
Noah Lyles looks dialed in from the start! Night-in night-out consistency preparation showing!
Jesus Christ fires an off-balance shot in the paint but can't connect! Ego the size of Texas showing!
Kyrie Irving, this smooth operator, gets stripped at the top of the key! Limited stamina exposed!
This solid pro Noah Lyles picks up the cheap foul! Injury-prone body showing!
CaseOh mouths off and picks up a T! Sometimes predictable game taking over!
The players leave the court. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar clings to the tunnel railing. I've been told Kareem Abdul-Jabbar always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this oversized freak, gets the look from way beyond the arc but the lid's on the rim!
Kyrie Irving is running on pure willpower! This multi-time All-Star refusing to quit!
Jesus Christ throws it out of bounds! Like launching their bare hands into the void!
Kyrie Irving, this multi-time All-Star, yells at the coaching staff! Ego the size of Texas causing friction!
Kyrie Irving, this smooth operator, hangs the head. Tough loss despite insane court vision effort.
CaseOh unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar runs a hand down his face. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
82-127 (L)
CaseOh gets the starting nod! A digital transformation consultant starting with their bare hands confidence!
Jesus Christ dunks but the shot rims out! Defense that's basically a suggestion rears its ugly head!
Noah Lyles, this all-around player, steps out of bounds with the Wilson! Mental lapse!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar gets posted up and scored on! This absolute legend overpowered!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar storms to the bench! This hall-of-fame lock is visibly upset!
Break. CaseOh's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Fun fact: CaseOh was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Jesus Christ throws up a clunker! Their bare hands would weep at that trajectory!
Kyrie Irving is visibly tired! This franchise guy needs a timeout badly!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this absolute unit, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted back to the basket!
Noah Lyles tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the athlete will bounce back!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar reflects on what could have been. Limited stamina the difference tonight.
CaseOh chews his nails on the bench. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
My Team ends the season #10 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Season journal
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