My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇦🇺
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Phoenix No-Defense | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Kate Moloney. The woman. Is. A netballer. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A netballer. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This girl jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at her back. But she's got their bib and apparently, the technical motion of a netballer and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
89-103 (L)
Josh Giddey, this oversized freak, is introduced and the arena explodes! This name that's buzzing is in the building!
Kate Moloney can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the Wilson differently than the winning goal!
Margot Robbie, this scrappy guard, steps out of bounds with the Wilson! Mental lapse!
LeBron James, this beanpole, gets blown by on the perimeter! Tendency to force bad shots in the legs!
Nikola Jokić, this max-contract guy, absolutely nails a thunderous slam in the paint! Take a bow!
First half is done. LeBron James is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Exclusive: LeBron James was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Kate Moloney, this dark horse, yells at the coaching staff! Lack of consistency causing friction!
This hooper's hooper Josh Giddey short-arms a pull-up jumper in transition! Not enough lift!
Kate Moloney uses that netballer IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
This dark horse Kate Moloney has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Margot Robbie takes the loss hard! Hard as the risky picture on a bad film producer day!
Josh Giddey looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Margot Robbie looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
105-113 (L)
Tip-off! Nikola Jokić gets us started! Let's go!
Kate Moloney, this all-around player, bobbles the basketball and the chance evaporates under the basket!
Josh Giddey with the lazy pass! Ego the size of Texas leading to easy points!
Kate Moloney loses their assignment! Like losing their bib in the workshop!
Nikola Jokić, this walking skyscraper, rises above and hammers a bank shot!
Back to the locker room. Margot Robbie punches her locker. They say Margot Robbie has a ritual where she touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
This headliner Nikola Jokić stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Kate Moloney misfires again! Having the winning goal-shaped night!
This rising star Kate Moloney switches defensive assignments on the fly! Ridiculous creativity!
This up-and-coming baller Josh Giddey is a warrior but the body says no! The contest of war!
Nikola Jokić walks off in silence. This guy everybody knows gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Kate Moloney bites the inside of her cheek. LeBron James pinches the bridge of his nose. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
105-106 (L)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Margot Robbie means business! Fast start from way beyond the arc!
Kate Moloney tallies another one! This netballer keeps racking them up!
Josh Giddey, this beanpole, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over hot head!
Josh Giddey, this player on the come-up, comes up empty! A tear drop off target facing the rim!
Josh Giddey, this mammoth, refuses to die! A euro-step keeps the dream alive!
End of the first act. Margot Robbie is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Juicy intel: Margot Robbie turned down an endorsement deal because she'd have to wear a mascot costume. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Josh Giddey drives and bricks it! Heavy feet in the first quarter!
Margot Robbie glares at the ball! Like it personally betrayed this film producer!
LeBron James is writing the story tonight! This guy with rings on every finger with a hook shot from downtown!
Nikola Jokić can't convert in the third quarter! This big-name player shrinks in the moment!
This big-name player Nikola Jokić leaves the venue with head held high. Fought to the end.
Josh Giddey chews his nails on the bench. Kate Moloney stares at her shoes like they're the source of the problem. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
117-106 (W)
Nikola Jokić, this absolute unit, sets the tone immediately! Ridiculous creativity from the jump!
A pull-up jumper by Margot Robbie! The crowd erupts! Freakish explosiveness personified!
Kate Moloney slides to the passing lane and steals it! Next-level basketball IQ!
Margot Robbie racks up another assist! Dishing like a film producer who knows where everything goes!
Kate Moloney communicates the switch! Clear as a netballer's instructions!
Rest time. Margot Robbie isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Rumor has it Margot Robbie has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Josh Giddey, this hooper's hooper, threads the needle for a two-handed slam along the baseline!
Vendors sell Margot Robbie-themed merch! Merchandise gold for this film producer!
Josh Giddey takes the blame for the mistake! This up-and-coming baller protecting teammates!
Nikola Jokić, this colossus, stands tall when the team needs this big-name player most!
Nikola Jokić tosses the pill in the air! A victory dance! This established star mission accomplished!
Kate Moloney runs the full court high-fiving everyone. Josh Giddey follows doing the wave alone. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
126-84 (W)
Josh Giddey, this respected competitor, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Josh Giddey, this well-respected player, operates along the baseline with a double-clutch layup! Clinic!
Nikola Jokić picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a pull-up jumper!
Nikola Jokić, this absolute unit, uses strength and skill for an alley-oop! Complete player!
Margot Robbie, this lightning-quick little man, locks down the attacker! Silky smooth technique on the defensive end!
Halftime! LeBron James looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Did you know LeBron James knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Phoenix No-Defense's colors. By accident, obviously. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Margot Robbie answers back with an and-one! An unmatched feel for the game under pressure!
This player nobody saw coming Kate Moloney finishes with a statement game! An unmatched feel for the game throughout!
Margot Robbie tried to trade the risky picture for extra timeouts! That's not how this works!
Margot Robbie lets out a roar! The emotion is real! A salute to the fans!
This established player Josh Giddey led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Josh Giddey jumps into Kate Moloney's arms without warning. They both go down. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
132-93 (W)
Nikola Jokić fires up the crowd to open the game! This franchise guy starting strong!
The technical flair of Kate Moloney recalls their netballer days. An and-one! Sublime!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James orchestrates the offense back to the basket! Maestro!
Margot Robbie powers through for a buzzer-beater! The brute force of greenlighting the risky picture!
Nikola Jokić, this top-tier talent, pokes the Spalding free! Scramble along the baseline!
Halftime whistle. Josh Giddey has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Anecdote: Josh Giddey once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Josh Giddey converts from way beyond the arc! A catch-and-shoot triple with trademark insane court vision!
Nikola Jokić posts up to yet another easy bucket! The floodgates opened!
Nikola Jokić high-fives nobody! This elite player left hanging on the low block! Brutal!
Josh Giddey pumps the fist! This hooper's hooper feeling it from the right corner! A hug with the coach!
Margot Robbie salutes the fans! A film producer's farewell until the next risky picture!
Margot Robbie climbs onto the scorer's table. LeBron James joins her. Security is unsure whether to intervene. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
106-84 (W)
LeBron James penetrates onto the floor! The crowd roars for this hall-of-fame lock!
Nikola Jokić with the tough two-handed slam through contact! This max-contract guy won't be denied!
Kate Moloney, this dude out of nowhere, shuts down the play facing the rim! Lockdown defender!
Nikola Jokić with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open buzzer beater!
Kate Moloney executes a lockdown zone defense perfectly! Precision learned as a netballer!
Both teams head in. LeBron James has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Juicy intel: LeBron James turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Margot Robbie catches fire! And it's a fadeaway jumper! Next-level basketball IQ taking over!
Kate Moloney, this combo guard, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Margot Robbie puts ego aside! The team comes first for this living legend!
Win or lose, Josh Giddey has earned respect tonight! This guy with a proven track record warrior spirit!
Nikola Jokić, this towering presence, acknowledges the fans! An incredible energy! A bench mob celebration!
Nikola Jokić takes Margot Robbie by the hand and they bow to the crowd like stage actors. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
112-96 (W)
LeBron James, this big fella, takes the court! The cathedral silence is electric!
Nikola Jokić scores with insane court vision. A floater from downtown! Too smooth!
Josh Giddey pressures the inbound! This guy with a proven track record with relentless silky smooth technique!
LeBron James threads the needle! Beautiful assist in the paint! Unreal court vision!
Nikola Jokić, this certified bucket, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a pull-up jumper!
Finally a breather. Nikola Jokić has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Small detail: Nikola Jokić whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Nikola Jokić hits an and-one! Nerves of steel proving to be the difference tonight!
This well-respected player Josh Giddey brings a roaring arena to a new level! Incredible scene!
LeBron James finds the open teammate! This generational talent making everyone better!
LeBron James, this absolute legend, has been building to this all game! On the final possession!
This global icon LeBron James is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Josh Giddey mimes popping a champagne bottle. Nikola Jokić mimes chugging straight from it. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
112-96 (W)
Kate Moloney steps onto the den! From scoring the winning goal to this, game time!
A floater from Margot Robbie from downtown! That's a statement right there!
Josh Giddey reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
Josh Giddey whips the pass cross-court! Assist! This oversized freak seeing everything!
Margot Robbie finds the angle! The angle film producer uses for the risky picture!
Halftime whistle. Kate Moloney spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Little scoop: Kate Moloney collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than her first contract. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
This guy with a proven track record Josh Giddey finishes with authority! A fadeaway jumper in transition!
The crowd is on its feet! A hostile crowd as Josh Giddey takes the court!
Kate Moloney dishes the basketball with patience! This unknown gem trusting the system!
Josh Giddey, this giant, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this guy with a proven track record right now!
Kate Moloney celebrates at the final buzzer! Celebration worthy of their bib!
Nikola Jokić and LeBron James leap onto each other like kids. Margot Robbie comes sprinting in and crushes them both. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
98-111 (L)
This headliner Nikola Jokić gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Margot Robbie can't find the range! Their loaded checkbook has better accuracy than that!
LeBron James tries to be too fancy and loses the Spalding! Limited stamina in the decision-making!
LeBron James gets posted up and scored on! This first-ballot legend overpowered!
Margot Robbie buries a bank shot from the right corner! This once-in-a-lifetime player is on fire tonight!
That's a cut. Margot Robbie stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Did you know Margot Robbie knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Denver Horse-Track's colors. By accident, obviously. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
LeBron James slams the orange in frustration! Hot head on full display!
LeBron James, this walking skyscraper, loses the handle and the opportunity! Heavy feet!
Nikola Jokić launches to the right spot! An unmatched feel for the game off-ball movement!
Margot Robbie bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a film producer after their loaded checkbook overtime!
Josh Giddey reflects on what could have been. Sometimes predictable game the difference tonight.
Nikola Jokić slams his fist on the bench. LeBron James places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Nikola Jokić's name. Forgive me. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
96-101 (L)
This living legend LeBron James comes out aggressive! Opens with a bucket at the buzzer!
Josh Giddey clanks another one off the rim! This next-level player needs to find rhythm!
Josh Giddey with the errant pass! This dude putting the league on notice needs to settle down!
LeBron James gives up the back door! Heavy feet when overplaying!
Nikola Jokić, this titan, showcases nerves of steel with a gorgeous hook shot!
That's a cut. Kate Moloney stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Anecdote: Kate Moloney tried to impress the New York Over-Timers players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With her face. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Josh Giddey, this towering presence, waves off the play call! Tendency to force bad shots hurting the team!
Nikola Jokić penetrates but overcooks it! Heavy feet showing up again!
This name that's buzzing Josh Giddey adjusts the angle mid-drive! A gym-rat work ethic body control!
LeBron James blows past but the legs won't cooperate! Heavy feet catching up!
Nikola Jokić, this top-tier talent, takes the loss hard. Ego the size of Texas at the wrong moments.
Nikola Jokić's eyes are red, jaw tight. Margot Robbie apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
100-114 (L)
This league veteran Josh Giddey in the starting lineup! Let's see what this league veteran brings!
Kate Moloney heaves and misses! Should have heaved the winning goal instead!
This household name LeBron James dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
LeBron James, this long boy, gets exploited in the switch! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed in the mismatch!
A buzzer-beater from Nikola Jokić! That's an off-the-charts basketball IQ at the highest level!
End of the second quarter. LeBron James is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. True story: LeBron James walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Cleveland Twin-Towers. Awkward. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Margot Robbie can't mask the disappointment! This living legend wearing it on the sleeve!
A thunderous slam from Margot Robbie catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
This established star Nikola Jokić attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
This total unknown Kate Moloney can barely jump! The springs are gone facing the rim!
Josh Giddey, this up-and-coming baller, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Kate Moloney slams her fist on the bench. LeBron James places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
100-118 (L)
This established player Josh Giddey comes out firing! A finger roll in the first minute!
Brick! LeBron James misfires under the basket! Lack of consistency at the worst time!
This All-Star caliber talent Nikola Jokić with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
LeBron James scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Tendency to rush!
Kate Moloney banks a tear drop off the glass! Geometry learned from the netballer life!
Both teams head to the locker room. Margot Robbie wipes her forehead with her jersey. Anecdote of the day: Margot Robbie forgot her shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Kate Moloney throws their hands up! Like a netballer when their bib breaks!
Nikola Jokić, this bonafide star, with the shot-clock heave! No good in the paint!
This next-level player Josh Giddey recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Nikola Jokić grabs the shorts! This headliner is running on fumes!
Margot Robbie tips the cap to the winners! The film producer's grace with the risky picture!
Josh Giddey and Nikola Jokić walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
99-126 (L)
Margot Robbie lands the first reverse layup! First blood! The film producer strikes first!
Kate Moloney pulls up the ball into nothing! Ego the size of Texas on full display tonight!
Stolen from Kate Moloney! A netballer who let it slip through their fingers!
This top-tier talent Nikola Jokić gives up the offensive rebound! Injury-prone body when boxing out!
LeBron James goes coast to coast for a hook shot! This first-ballot legend is relentless!
Rest time. Nikola Jokić isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Little secret: Nikola Jokić listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Nikola Jokić glares at the scoreboard! This elite player not happy with the situation!
Kate Moloney, this potential breakout star, with a contested alley-oop that misses off the pick and roll!
Josh Giddey, this player on the come-up, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Freakish explosiveness!
Margot Robbie jogs instead of sprints! Conserving energy for greenlighting the risky picture tomorrow!
Kate Moloney walks off in defeat! Even a netballer's skills couldn't save tonight!
LeBron James's lip is trembling. Nikola Jokić dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. I learned that LeBron James's father was a netballer. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
83-128 (L)
Margot Robbie takes the floor with that look in her eyes! She came to play tonight!
This global icon Margot Robbie whiffs on a pull-up jumper! The crowd groans!
Josh Giddey throws it away! Lack of consistency under pressure at the top of the key!
Nikola Jokić gets burned on the drive! Occasional mental lapses in lateral movement!
Nikola Jokić attacks the towel! This bonafide star showing heavy feet!
First half is done. Kate Moloney is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Little secret: Kate Moloney has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Margot Robbie penetrates the Spalding right into the defender's hands! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Margot Robbie stumbles on the play! Stumbling like a film producer over the risky picture!
Nikola Jokić launches into a dead end facing the rim! Turnover! Shaky emotions under pressure!
This bonafide star Nikola Jokić gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
This league veteran Josh Giddey stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this league veteran wanted.
LeBron James mutters while walking out. Nikola Jokić watches from the corner of his eye, worried. Evening confession: I'm wearing LeBron James's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season journal
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