My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇦🇺
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | My Team | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Tyrese Haliburton on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 196 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. The budget? Astronomical. The owner said "let's go" and signed the check without even looking at the number. We're deep into the luxury tax, every dollar over the threshold costs triple, and the accountant has nightmares every single night. But when you've got two superstars, a fifteen-man roster where the weakest link would start elsewhere, and a coaching staff paid in gold, you don't give a damn about the bill. It's championship or bust, and they've chosen their side.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-131 (L)
Tip-off! Cooper Flagg gets us started! Let's go!
Miles Bridges forces up a double-clutch layup over the defense! Shaky emotions under pressure! Bad decision!
Cooper Flagg throws it into the stands! What was that from this player on the come-up!
Jaren Jackson Jr. Reacts too late to rotate! Hot head on the help side!
Jaren Jackson Jr. Mouths off and picks up a T! Limited stamina taking over!
Break! Cooper Flagg grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know Cooper Flagg started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Tyrese Haliburton misfires from the left corner! This name that's buzzing searching for answers!
This name that's buzzing Jaren Jackson Jr. Has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
This name that's buzzing Jaren Jackson Jr. With turnover number points! Shaky emotions under pressure is piling up!
Tyrese Haliburton storms to the bench! This player on the come-up is visibly upset!
Jaren Jackson Jr. Reflects on what could have been. Tendency to force bad shots the difference tonight.
Cooper Flagg's gaze is cold, distant. Miles Bridges's gaze is hot, angry. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
119-105 (W)
Miles Bridges, this league veteran, draws first blood! An alley-oop to start!
Tyrese Haliburton goes coast to coast for a step-back three! This solid pro is relentless!
Cooper Flagg with the help-side brilliant anticipation! This name that's buzzing always in position!
Jaren Jackson Jr. With the transition assist! This up-and-coming baller pushing the pace with pure God-given talent!
This legit talent Jaren Jackson Jr. Switches defensive assignments on the fly! Next-level basketball IQ!
First half is done. Jaren Jackson Jr. Is chugging Gatorade like it's water. The staff told me Jaren Jackson Jr. Sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
This name that's buzzing Tyrese Haliburton is automatic along the baseline! A free throw drops again!
You can feel a hostile crowd through the screen! Cooper Flagg in the spotlight!
Tyrese Haliburton attacks the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
Bill Russell dribbles like a player possessed! Silky smooth technique unleashed!
Bill Russell, this multi-time All-Star, with the post-game interview smile! An off-the-charts basketball IQ all night!
Jaren Jackson Jr. Blows a kiss to the camera. Tyrese Haliburton blows twelve. Miles Bridges blocks the lens. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
84-108 (L)
This elite player Bill Russell comes out aggressive! Opens with a fadeaway jumper from the left corner!
This All-Star caliber talent Bill Russell with a rare miss from downtown! Even the best stumble!
This player making noise Tyrese Haliburton with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
This league veteran Tyrese Haliburton gives up the offensive rebound! Injury-prone body when boxing out!
Miles Bridges knocks down a fadeaway jumper driving to the hoop! Ice in the veins!
Break. Miles Bridges asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. They say Miles Bridges eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Jaren Jackson Jr. Goes to work and kicks the stanchion! This name that's buzzing losing composure!
This up-and-coming baller Cooper Flagg misses the mark! A pull-up jumper goes begging from the left corner!
Bill Russell reads the defense perfectly! A gym-rat work ethic and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Bill Russell is gassed! This max-contract guy bent over at half court! Shaky emotions under pressure catching up!
Cooper Flagg had the chances but couldn't convert. This league veteran left wanting.
Tyrese Haliburton clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Miles Bridges fidgets with his wristband nervously. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
107-102 (W)
Miles Bridges steps back onto the floor! The crowd roars for this dude putting the league on notice!
Bill Russell, this giant, contests without fouling! Clean as a whistle!
Tyrese Haliburton with a wild attempt! This respected competitor not finding the range tonight!
Tyrese Haliburton hits an and-one! Freakish explosiveness proving to be the difference tonight!
Miles Bridges, this little thunder, exploits the mismatch from way beyond the arc! Smart play!
The locker room fills up. Miles Bridges has already eaten three oranges. They say Miles Bridges has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Bill Russell dribbles past everyone in the final quarter! A step-back three! Legendary!
Jaren Jackson Jr. Times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A drawn charge back to the basket!
This dude putting the league on notice Tyrese Haliburton draws the MVP chants! The crowd is on their feet for the star!
Bill Russell with the go-ahead pull-up jumper! This max-contract guy seizes the moment!
Tyrese Haliburton, this oversized freak, takes the final bow! A raised fist! Dominant display!
Jaren Jackson Jr. And Cooper Flagg do the conga. Alone. On an empty court. Nobody joins in. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
98-100 (L)
This seasoned vet Cooper Flagg in the starting lineup! Let's see what this seasoned vet brings!
Miles Bridges with the and-one euro-step! Silky smooth technique through the whistle!
Bill Russell gambles for the steal and pays the price! Occasional mental lapses!
Tyrese Haliburton can't buy a bucket! Another miss at half court! Frustrating!
Tyrese Haliburton, this 7-footer, drills the momentum shot! The building believes!
Back in the locker room, Tyrese Haliburton sits down and stares at the ceiling. True story: Tyrese Haliburton walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Phoenix No-Defense. Awkward. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Jaren Jackson Jr. With the ill-advised pass in the final quarter! Intercepted!
Cooper Flagg can't mask the disappointment! This respected competitor wearing it on the sleeve!
Jaren Jackson Jr., this undersized dog, embodies the spirit of competition! What a show!
Tyrese Haliburton, this established player, commits the late turnover! Heavy feet with the ball!
Tyrese Haliburton walks off in silence. This dude putting the league on notice gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Cooper Flagg mutters 'damn' under his breath. Miles Bridges says 'yeah' in the same tone. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
114-105 (W)
Tyrese Haliburton looks dialed in from the start! Pure God-given talent preparation showing!
Bill Russell, this established star, operates at the top of the key with a sky hook! Clinic!
Jaren Jackson Jr. Sprints to close out! An iron-wall defense from downtown! Great effort!
This guy with a proven track record Jaren Jackson Jr. Orchestrates the offense in transition! Maestro!
This solid pro Tyrese Haliburton calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Halftime! Jaren Jackson Jr. Walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Little secret: Jaren Jackson Jr. Listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
This big-name player Bill Russell with a picture-perfect euro-step! The crowd goes wild!
Miles Bridges, this elusive guard, gets the standing ovation! A boiling cauldron!
This up-and-coming baller Miles Bridges claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this up-and-coming baller!
Jaren Jackson Jr., this respected competitor, has been building to this all game! With seconds left on the clock!
This league veteran Tyrese Haliburton led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Tyrese Haliburton does a handstand. Miles Bridges holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
109-107 (W)
This well-respected player Miles Bridges opens the scoring! A reverse layup! Early advantage!
Cooper Flagg with the suffocating defense! This well-respected player is a wall out there!
Bill Russell air-mails a tear drop facing the rim! Way off for this elite player!
Bill Russell, this bonafide star, absolutely nails a scoop layup driving to the hoop! Take a bow!
Jaren Jackson Jr. Rises up to the right spot! Unreal swagger off-ball movement!
Halftime whistle. Jaren Jackson Jr. High-fives his teammates on the way out. Anecdote: Jaren Jackson Jr. Fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Bill Russell nails the free throws to ice it! This guy everybody knows with steady hands!
Cooper Flagg rejects the layup! A left-handed block by this colossus! Get that out!
Cooper Flagg soaks in a sold-out gym on fire! This next-level player living for these moments!
Jaren Jackson Jr. Crosses over and drills it! At the last second! Pure God-given talent under pressure!
This league veteran Miles Bridges is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Cooper Flagg and Bill Russell swing Miles Bridges around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Cooper Flagg's name. Forgive me. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
97-103 (L)
Jaren Jackson Jr. Takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Jaren Jackson Jr., this scrappy guard, can't get a deep three to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
Bill Russell with the backcourt violation! This big-name player under too much pressure!
Miles Bridges lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this name that's buzzing fooled!
This name that's buzzing Cooper Flagg with a beautiful scoop layup at the buzzer! Poetry in motion!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Bill Russell to massage his thighs. Fun fact: Bill Russell was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Jaren Jackson Jr. Gets a technical for complaining! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Cooper Flagg rushes a devastating dunk at half court! Sometimes predictable game creeping in!
Bill Russell, this mammoth, sets a brick-wall screen! An unmatched feel for the game on full display!
This top-tier talent Bill Russell can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Cooper Flagg, this dude putting the league on notice, takes the loss hard. Tendency to rush at the wrong moments.
Miles Bridges stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Tyrese Haliburton comes back to get him. Evening confession: I'm wearing Miles Bridges's jersey under my shirt. For morale. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
88-129 (L)
Game time! Tyrese Haliburton and this hooper's hooper ready to put on a show at the palace of hoops!
Bill Russell forces an off-balance shot from downtown! This guy everybody knows trying too hard!
This guy everybody knows Bill Russell commits the 5-second violation! Clock management tendency to force bad shots!
This guy with a proven track record Tyrese Haliburton picks up the cheap foul! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
This headliner Bill Russell slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Break! Tyrese Haliburton has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Fun fact: Tyrese Haliburton got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Miles Bridges, this miniature missile, gets the look from way beyond the arc but the lid's on the rim!
Tyrese Haliburton penetrates but can't sustain the effort! Injury-prone body emptying the tank!
Bill Russell coughs up the pill! Injury-prone body strikes again from the right corner!
Bill Russell, this colossus, sits down hard on the bench! Tendency to rush written all over his face!
Bill Russell explodes to the tunnel in disappointment. This All-Star caliber talent will learn from this.
Cooper Flagg lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Jaren Jackson Jr. Decides not to comment. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
84-109 (L)
And we're underway! Miles Bridges touches the pill first! This guy with a proven track record looks eager!
Miles Bridges with the off-balance pull-up jumper! This up-and-coming baller couldn't set the feet!
Miles Bridges takes off the Spalding right to the defense! Costly mistake by this player making noise!
This player on the come-up Cooper Flagg bites on the fake! Beaten from the left corner!
This established player Jaren Jackson Jr. Converts under the basket! A hook shot right on cue!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Miles Bridges picks up the pace. Rumor has it Miles Bridges does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Jaren Jackson Jr., this little thunder, throws the hands up! Exasperated on the low block!
A hook shot from Jaren Jackson Jr. Sails wide! This respected competitor needs to regroup!
This legit talent Cooper Flagg adjusts the angle mid-drive! An off-the-charts basketball IQ body control!
Miles Bridges, this undersized dog, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Tyrese Haliburton sits alone on the bench. This dude putting the league on notice processing the defeat.
Miles Bridges slams his fist on the bench. Jaren Jackson Jr. Places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
90-114 (L)
Tyrese Haliburton fires up the crowd to open the game! This player making noise starting strong!
Tyrese Haliburton posts up the Spalding awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this well-respected player!
This certified bucket Bill Russell loses concentration and the Wilson with it!
Miles Bridges, this undersized dog, gets dunked on off the pick and roll! Poster material!
Miles Bridges, this small but mighty player, elevates for a monster catch-and-shoot triple!
Break. Tyrese Haliburton collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Exclusive: Tyrese Haliburton was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Cooper Flagg slams the pill in frustration! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
Jaren Jackson Jr. Crosses over but it's well off! Tendency to force bad shots under fatigue!
This solid pro Miles Bridges recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
This multi-time All-Star Bill Russell can barely jump! The springs are gone at the top of the key!
This hooper's hooper Miles Bridges shakes hands and moves on. In the end, occasional mental lapses proved costly.
Bill Russell refuses the coach's embrace. Jaren Jackson Jr. Accepts it but his body is stiff. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
103-110 (L)
This multi-time All-Star Bill Russell catches the Wilson early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
This established player Cooper Flagg muscles up a deep three but can't get it to fall!
This jersey-selling name Bill Russell dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
This legit talent Tyrese Haliburton can't recover! Scored on under the basket! Lack of consistency!
Tyrese Haliburton, this towering presence, uses every inch to deliver a reverse layup!
Halftime! Cooper Flagg has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Little secret: Cooper Flagg listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Jaren Jackson Jr. Glares at the scoreboard! This league veteran not happy with the situation!
Jaren Jackson Jr. Can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this well-respected player!
Cooper Flagg uses the hesitation dribble! Next-level basketball IQ creating separation!
Bill Russell, this max-contract guy, is dragging! The this ball game minutes taking their toll!
This up-and-coming baller Miles Bridges congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this up-and-coming baller.
Tyrese Haliburton kicks his towel across the floor. Bill Russell has already left for the locker room, alone. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
97-96 (W)
Cooper Flagg, this mountain of a man, sets the tone immediately! Insane court vision from the jump!
This hooper's hooper Jaren Jackson Jr. Takes the charge from downtown! Gutsy play!
Bill Russell, this absolute unit, loses the handle and the opportunity! Occasional mental lapses!
This legit talent Tyrese Haliburton erupts for an alley-oop! The floodgates are open!
Cooper Flagg spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Halftime. Cooper Flagg glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Anecdote: Cooper Flagg fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Miles Bridges, this league veteran, rises to the occasion! A hook shot at the buzzer! Huge!
Miles Bridges pressures the inbound! This league veteran with relentless a killer instinct!
Bill Russell in a Finals-like atmosphere! This guy everybody knows has been waiting for this stage!
This guy with a proven track record Tyrese Haliburton with the heroic double team! Preserves the lead!
Jaren Jackson Jr. Tosses the ball in the air! A bench mob celebration! This player making noise mission accomplished!
Jaren Jackson Jr. And Cooper Flagg freestyle a victory rap. Bill Russell does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
93-132 (L)
Jaren Jackson Jr. Goes to work with energy from the opening whistle! This established player locked in!
Miles Bridges launches an off-balance shot and... Airball! Lack of consistency at its peak!
Jaren Jackson Jr. Charges right into the defender! Turnover! Lack of consistency when controlling pace!
This up-and-coming baller Jaren Jackson Jr. Commits the and-one foul! Lack of consistency in positioning!
Cooper Flagg, this well-respected player, yells at the coaching staff! Occasional mental lapses causing friction!
Halftime. Miles Bridges is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Miles Bridges logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Jaren Jackson Jr., this respected competitor, pulls the trigger facing the rim but no luck!
Jaren Jackson Jr. Is visibly tired! This established player needs a timeout badly!
Tyrese Haliburton, this absolute unit, gets stripped at the buzzer! Heavy feet exposed!
Jaren Jackson Jr. Rises up angrily after the turnover! This legit talent spiraling!
Cooper Flagg, this colossus, hangs the head. Tough loss despite a killer instinct effort.
Bill Russell mutters 'damn' under his breath. Cooper Flagg says 'yeah' in the same tone. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
85-129 (L)
Jaren Jackson Jr., this established player, embraces the electric crowd! Game on!
Tyrese Haliburton steps back the damn ball into nothing! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display tonight!
Bill Russell, this towering presence, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from the right corner!
Bill Russell gets caught flat-footed! This bonafide star beaten to the spot!
This name that's buzzing Miles Bridges shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Halftime whistle. Bill Russell high-fives his teammates on the way out. I've been told Bill Russell always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
This headliner Bill Russell misfires again! Limited stamina could cost the team!
Cooper Flagg is cramping up! This dude putting the league on notice trying to shake it off! Limited stamina!
Tyrese Haliburton, this oversized freak, steps out of bounds with the damn ball! Mental lapse!
Cooper Flagg picks up the second technical! This up-and-coming baller ejected! Injury-prone body!
This up-and-coming baller Jaren Jackson Jr. Stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this up-and-coming baller wanted.
Tyrese Haliburton rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Jaren Jackson Jr. Picks up his own and folds it carefully. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
My Team finishes #12 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Tyrese Haliburton.
Season journal
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