My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇬🇧
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! The real reason this building is at capacity? It's him. Batman. The man. The beast. The man is massive, and not an ounce of fat, all lean muscle and raw talent. This dude was put on Earth to play basketball, there's no other explanation. Watch him move on the court and it's like watching a predator in the savanna: every movement is calculated, every step is perfect, and when he decides to strike, it's already too late for the defender. Nature built a monster, and we're lucky enough to watch him play tonight. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. The chef's surprise of the evening is Thor. An amateur by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. Let's talk money. We'll keep it short because there ain't any. The budget is so low that the equipment manager also does the accounting, the post-game spread is leftover Domino's on discount, and the last free agent who toured the facility ran for the hills. But damn it, these guys don't care. They play with the fury of men who have everything to prove and nothing to lose. This is the most dangerous team in the league, not because they're good, but because they don't give a single damn about losing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
78-123 (L)
And we're underway! Thor touches the damn ball first! This unknown gem looks eager!
Superman, this generational talent, fumbles the finish from the right corner! Back to the drawing board!
Hulk, this all-around player, gets stripped off the pick and roll! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
Hulk, this tweener, lets the shooter get free off the pick and roll! Costly lapse!
Batman mouths off on a strategic timeout! A superhero venting about the game!
Into the tunnel. Barry Allen grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Anecdote: Barry Allen once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Hulk misfires facing the rim! Even this all-time great has off nights!
Superman, this tweener, looks exhausted at half court! The legs are gone!
Thor coughs up the pill! Tendency to force bad shots strikes again at the buzzer!
Batman can't mask the disappointment! This certified GOAT candidate wearing it on the sleeve!
Superman fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the superhero gave everything!
Superman's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Batman breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Superman's name. Forgive me. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
84-129 (L)
This dude out of nowhere Thor opens the scoring! A scoop layup! Early advantage!
This certified GOAT candidate Hulk shanks a free throw from mid-range! That's uncharacteristic!
This first-ballot legend Batman loses concentration and the basketball with it!
Barry Allen gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the game behind their bare hands!
Barry Allen throws their hands up! Like a superhero when their bare hands breaks!
That's a wrap for now. Superman dives into the tunnel. Small detail: Superman wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Barry Allen clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their bare hands hitting the game!
Hulk finds a second wind! The scientist engine roars back to life!
Thor, this versatile guy, gets the ball poked away! Hot head when protecting the ball!
This potential GOAT Batman stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Despite the loss, Barry Allen held their own with the game! The superhero fought!
Batman taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Hulk walks through the door without pushing it. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
98-122 (L)
Batman rises up into position! This first-ballot legend not wasting any time!
Barry Allen misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
Barry Allen forces the pass! Forcing their bare hands where it doesn't fit!
This potential GOAT Batman caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Thor, this all-around player, rises above and hammers a bucket!
The players leave the court. Hulk clings to the tunnel railing. Did you know Hulk knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Orlando Magic-Beans's colors. By accident, obviously. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Barry Allen mouths off and picks up a T! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!
Barry Allen misfires from downtown! Their bare hands calibration needed!
This dude putting the league on notice Barry Allen attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
This absolute legend Superman can't close out! The legs are shot at half court!
Superman, this certified GOAT candidate, takes the loss hard. Occasional mental lapses at the wrong moments.
Hulk presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Batman walks right past without noticing. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
81-109 (L)
This newcomer Thor catches the leather early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Superman misses! Even a superhero can't fix that shot!
Superman penetrates into a dead end from mid-range! Turnover! Tendency to rush!
Superman gets burned on the drive! Lack of consistency in lateral movement!
A two-handed slam from Thor! This diamond in the rough reminding everyone why they're on top!
The players leave the court. Superman clings to the tunnel railing. Exclusive info: Superman is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Batman kicks the air! The frustration of a superhero who knows they can do better!
Batman heaves and misses! Should have heaved the game instead!
Barry Allen sets the screen with precision worthy of their bare hands! Tactical genius!
Batman stumbles on the play! Stumbling like a superhero over the game!
Superman leaves the court quietly! Quiet as a superhero after the game setback!
Barry Allen hurls his water bottle at the wall. Batman flinches but doesn't react. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
88-133 (L)
Barry Allen steps onto the gymnasium! From competing the game to this, game time!
A fadeaway jumper by Hulk in transition is way off! Tough night for this absolute legend!
Hulk coughs it up! A scientist's grip doesn't work on the Spalding!
Hulk, this smooth operator, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over lack of consistency!
Thor, this total unknown, barks at the teammate! Ego the size of Texas taking over!
Halftime. Barry Allen glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Intel: Barry Allen once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Barry Allen just barely misses! Close as a superhero getting the game almost right!
Thor spins but the legs won't cooperate! Shaky emotions under pressure catching up!
Superman, this solid build, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted facing the rim!
Superman mutters to himself walking back! This certified GOAT candidate fighting inner demons!
Barry Allen packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
Barry Allen walks head down toward the tunnel. Batman drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
87-131 (L)
Hulk bounces the rock pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
This potential breakout star Thor misfires again! Lack of consistency could cost the team!
Thor, this tweener, fumbles the entry pass at the top of the key!
Hulk overcommits! Going all-in like a scientist on the hidden truth, but wrong!
Batman argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
Break. Thor asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Anecdote: Thor fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Batman with the contested scoop layup from way beyond the arc! No good! Bad selection!
Batman looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a superhero relieved of their bare hands!
Superman gets picked! A superhero getting the game stolen in broad daylight!
Barry Allen, this solid pro, yells at the coaching staff! Limited stamina causing friction!
Batman walks off in defeat! Even a superhero's skills couldn't save tonight!
Batman refuses the coach's embrace. Barry Allen accepts it but his body is stiff. Did you know that Barry Allen practices superhero on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
88-122 (L)
Barry Allen locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a superhero who means business!
Batman misses the bunny! A superhero dropping the game from point-blank!
Barry Allen crosses over carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
This newcomer Thor bites on the fake! Beaten in transition!
Hulk buries their face! Hidden from view, the scientist can't watch!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Batman picks up the pace. Fun fact: Batman tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Hulk launches a floater and... Airball! Tendency to rush at its peak!
Barry Allen mops their face! Sweating more than when competing the game!
Barry Allen tries to be too fancy and loses the rock! Limited stamina in the decision-making!
Superman posts up the towel! This hall-of-fame lock showing shaky emotions under pressure!
Thor had the chances but couldn't convert. This newcomer left wanting.
Superman refuses the coach's embrace. Batman accepts it but his body is stiff. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
82-127 (L)
Hulk lands the first double-clutch layup! First blood! The scientist strikes first!
Superman, this once-in-a-lifetime player, with a contested layup that misses from way beyond the arc!
Batman throws it away! A pass worse than a superhero tossing the game!
Superman loses the screen battle! Shaky emotions under pressure around the picks!
Hulk storms to the bench! This basketball god is visibly upset!
Halftime whistle! Thor slides down against the hallway wall. Confession: Thor believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Barry Allen steps back but it's well off! Shaky emotions under pressure under fatigue!
Superman takes the rest play! Even a superhero needs a breather!
This guy nobody was talking about Thor with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Hulk, this versatile guy, waves off the play call! Tendency to force bad shots hurting the team!
This player making noise Barry Allen shakes hands and moves on. In the end, defense that's basically a suggestion proved costly.
Barry Allen sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Superman winces. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
78-115 (L)
Thor fires up the crowd to open the game! This surprise package starting strong!
Superman short on the attempt! Needs the reach of their bare hands!
This generational talent Superman with turnover number points! Ego the size of Texas is piling up!
Barry Allen turns the head and loses the man! This legit talent napping defensively!
Superman drops the head after another miss! Ego the size of Texas sapping the confidence!
Coach calls everyone back. Superman drags his feet toward the tunnel. Rumor has it Superman talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Hulk clanks another one off the rim! This hall-of-fame lock needs to find rhythm!
Batman bends over during the dead ball! This basketball god gathering what's left!
Barry Allen throws it into the stands! What was that from this player on the come-up!
This dude out of nowhere Thor slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Superman gave it everything! Everything a superhero has, left on the court!
Hulk refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Barry Allen watches it and immediately regrets it. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
78-120 (L)
Hulk fires away onto the floor! The crowd roars for this all-time great!
Batman air-mails a two-handed slam at half court! Way off for this franchise cornerstone!
Barry Allen double-dribbles! Competing the game doesn't have that rule!
Superman gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the game on a rough day!
Batman, this versatile guy, sits down hard on the bench! Limited stamina written all over his face!
Break! Hulk takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Hulk blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
This generational talent Hulk misses the mark! A sky hook goes begging on the low block!
This potential GOAT Superman can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Batman, this all-around player, gets called for the carry! Sometimes predictable game in ball-handling!
Batman waves off the play! The authority of a superhero in that gesture!
This living legend Hulk leaves the hardwood with head held high. Fought to the end.
Batman mutters while walking out. Barry Allen watches from the corner of his eye, worried. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
78-123 (L)
Barry Allen, this seasoned vet, embraces the sold-out gym on fire! Game on!
Barry Allen forces up a tear drop over the defense! Hot head! Bad decision!
Batman with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
Thor falls asleep on the weak side! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
Thor, this diamond in the rough, with the frustrated foul! Injury-prone body in tough moments!
Halftime whistle. Barry Allen has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Small detail: Barry Allen whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Superman fires a scoop layup at the buzzer but can't connect! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing!
Barry Allen is gassed! This established player bent over at half court! Shaky emotions under pressure catching up!
Superman, this do-it-all player, commits the travel! Heavy feet in the footwork!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Superman hangs the head after the miss! Deflated driving to the hoop!
Batman sits alone on the bench. This living legend processing the defeat.
Superman lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Thor decides not to comment. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
80-124 (L)
Batman checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Batman gets blocked! Rejected harder than a superhero's worst day on the job!
Barry Allen dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the superhero's finest moment!
Hulk gets crossed over! This franchise cornerstone left frozen along the baseline!
This household name Hulk shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Rest. Batman buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Little scoop: Batman collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Thor can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this rising star!
This surprise package Thor calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Injury-prone body taking its toll!
Barry Allen with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the game!
This total unknown Thor can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Hulk reflects on what could have been. Hot head the difference tonight.
Barry Allen shakes Thor's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
78-122 (L)
This player making noise Barry Allen means business! Fast start from way beyond the arc!
Thor, this hungry young player, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Superman loses the Wilson! A superhero would never be this careless!
Hulk bites on the pump fake! This global icon sent flying in the paint!
Superman is visibly upset! Upset as a superhero when the game goes sideways!
Halftime whistle. Hulk flops into the first available chair. Did you know Hulk entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
That one wasn't even close, Batman! Stick to competing the game!
Hulk soldiers on! The soldier who discovers the hidden truth with their lab notebook!
Thor loses the rock in traffic! This hungry young player can't afford that!
Hulk dribbles and kicks the stanchion! This basketball god losing composure!
Barry Allen refuses to make excuses! A superhero owns the game failures too!
Batman walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Barry Allen drags one foot after the other. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
85-129 (L)
Tip-off! Thor gets us started! Let's go!
Thor, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the look but can't convert from the left corner!
This up-and-coming baller Barry Allen gets pickpocketed at the buzzer! Sloppy handling!
Batman, this all-around player, fouls unnecessarily facing the rim! Occasional mental lapses!
Hulk, this all-around player, pounds the scorer's table! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Break! Hulk heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. The staff told me Hulk sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Superman, this smooth operator, gets the look back to the basket but the lid's on the rim!
Barry Allen grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their bare hands in the workshop!
Sloppy handling by Batman! Competing the game is done with more finesse!
Hulk glares at the basketball! Like it personally betrayed this scientist!
Thor, this combo guard, hangs the head. Tough loss despite next-level basketball IQ effort.
Hulk's eyes are red, jaw tight. Batman apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
74-119 (L)
Hulk announces themselves! The scientist has arrived and the building knows it!
Barry Allen shoots an air ball in a Playoff atmosphere! A superhero lost in the noise!
This undisputed superstar Superman dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Barry Allen gets posted up and scored on! This league veteran overpowered!
Barry Allen shakes their head! A superhero who can't believe that just happened!
Cut! Halftime. Thor's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Little secret: Thor watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Break's over, the players take their positions.
A deep three from Barry Allen sails wide! This respected competitor needs to regroup!
Batman, this solid build, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Thor with the lazy pass! Defense that's basically a suggestion leading to easy points!
Hulk, this global icon, refuses to high-five! Lack of consistency hurting the chemistry!
Thor walks off in silence. This newcomer gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Batman's eyes are red, jaw tight. Hulk apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Batman's name. Forgive me. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Batman.
Season journal
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