My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇦🇺

Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar

91-106 (L)

OHHHH he SNATCHED that tip! Chet Holmgren rips it out of the air and we are off.

Reverse it, make them slide all over again, that is how Olivier Rioux breaks a shell down. They do not teach that in the association football player handbook, and yet here we are. Beautiful little exchange. Nasty finish. Olivier Rioux hangs, adjusts in midair, and drops it through.

Olivier Rioux points at Austin Reaves first, then at the pass that made it possible, then at Austin Reaves again, making sure the building knows who did the real work. Austin Reaves waves it off, embarrassed. The chant that starts up is not for the scorer.

Detroit Engine-Roar again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Chet Holmgren guesses left, the ball handler goes right, and suddenly this is a two-on-one before anybody can rotate. Chet Holmgren got the ball, but he got it on the way down, and they are awarded the two anyway.

More second chance points for Detroit Engine-Roar, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

Break. Tyrese Haliburton's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Fun fact: Tyrese Haliburton tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. And now, our halftime TV game show Concentration on Something Else! To win a giant foam finger that points at the ground, text HOOPS to 555-0176 and answer this question: 'How many exits does a corn maze legally require?' The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?

Eight seconds off the shot clock and Tyrese Haliburton has not wasted one of them, the ball reaching Chet Holmgren precisely where the play wanted it. BACKDOOR! Chet Holmgren slips behind a sleeping defense and Austin Reaves hits him right in stride! Chet Holmgren attacks the paint, absorbs the bump, twists his body all the way around the defender and reverses it in. FILTHY.

Chet Holmgren hangs on the rim one extra beat, letting the whole arena wait on him, then drops down into a dead-eyed mean mug. Tyrese Haliburton shoves him in the chest just to get a reaction. Nothing. Stone face on a man who just changed the game.

Austin Reaves kicks it over to Olivier Rioux, no dribble, no drama, and this offense settles into a rhythm. OHHHH he went BACKDOOR! Olivier Rioux never broke stride and he has the ball UNDER THE RIM! Nobody moved, nobody cut, nobody set a screen, so Olivier Rioux launches a contested jumper with the horn already going. Ugly offense.

Second charge drawn by Erling Haaland tonight, and that big fella is going to think twice before lowering a shoulder again.

Bucket for Detroit Engine-Roar. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Push the pace! Tyrese Haliburton grabs it and hits Chet Holmgren in stride before the defense can even match up. Watch the spacing, Chet Holmgren drags two bodies toward the ball and Olivier Rioux is standing alone behind the line. Geometry, not luck. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That was IN for Olivier Rioux!

Tyrese Haliburton gives it up to Erling Haaland on the move, the built-in screen erases the chase, and there is a clean runway to the rim. Look at Erling Haaland mouthing an apology toward his own bench before the call is even announced. He knew instantly.

Dagger from Detroit Engine-Roar. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

The defender planted his feet, and Tyrese Haliburton said thank you very much and drove straight through his front pocket. Clang. Tyrese Haliburton wants that one back.

Take the foul, live with whatever happens at the line. Olivier Rioux clamps down on the ball handler and the whistle does the rest.

Tyrese Haliburton mutters while walking out. Austin Reaves watches from the corner of his eye, worried. And here is the answer to our game Concentration on Something Else! Sherleen Doty of Big Chimney, Idaho, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many exits does a corn maze legally require?' The answer was of course one, and even that is a suggestion. Sherleen takes home a giant foam finger that points at the ground! Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.

Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack

127-92 (W)

Bench energy is real currency over a long season, and Tyrese Haliburton just handed his teammates a full bank account. NOT A CHANCE! Austin Reaves came flying at that pull-up and DELETED it!

OHHHHH HE SNATCHED HIS ANKLES! Austin Reaves left him on the hardwood and this building is SHAKING! Austin Reaves rises up from fifteen feet and OHHHH, that rattled in and OUT!

Total control. Tyrese Haliburton has this thing on a string. Watch the eyes of that defender, he never turns his head once, and Chet Holmgren makes him pay for the whole possession. Chet Holmgren gathers on the baseline, absorbs contact from two bodies, and slams it home. That rim is still shaking.

Tyrese Haliburton rips it back into the stepback and suddenly there is a country mile between him and that defender. This building is SHAKING. Tyrese Haliburton just stepped into a logo three like it was a warmup rep.

Slow walk, no expression. Tyrese Haliburton backpedals past the Miami Heart-Attack huddle close enough to hear what is being said and never turns his head. The crowd noise is a physical object at this point. One of their assistants stands up, and nothing comes of it.

OHHHH Tyrese Haliburton is UNCONSCIOUS right now! Four straight possessions, four straight buckets! From WAY downtown! Tyrese Haliburton launched that one from the parking lot!

Tyrese Haliburton deadpans directly into the broadcast camera: nod, wink, gone. Total elapsed time, one and a half seconds. The commentators lose it completely. Chet Holmgren arrives too late and mugs at an empty lens for nobody at all.

Finally a breather. Tyrese Haliburton has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Fun fact: Tyrese Haliburton tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. And now, our halftime TV game show Spin the Wheel Slowly! To win a coffee table book about drainage ditches of the Midwest, text HOOPS to 555-1159 and answer this question: 'How many seconds does it take to lose a lead of thirty points?' Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.

Ball moves. Tyrese Haliburton to Chet Holmgren, on time and on target. That hesitation move is exactly why they keep sending a second body at Chet Holmgren the moment he crosses half court. Rising into two defenders, Chet Holmgren launches a jumper that finds nothing but backboard and bad decisions.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Miami Heart-Attack with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Set called, Chet Holmgren waved out to the corner, and Tyrese Haliburton watches the spacing open up like a front door. Handoff, turn the corner, BUCKET! Chet Holmgren did all the dirty work on that one. Second pass beats the rotation, Austin Reaves to Erling Haaland, and the closeout gets there about half a second too late. Range like that bends a defense completely out of shape, and Erling Haaland keeps proving the arc is only a suggestion.

One little shoulder dip from Austin Reaves and the guy guarding him turned into a traffic cone in real time. OHHHH what a FINISH from Austin Reaves! Hanging, hanging, and laying it high off the glass on the way down!

Tyrese Haliburton walks it up, two fingers in the air, and the whole offense shifts on his command. Austin Reaves stutters at the elbow, the defender bites on it, and now there is nothing but open floor between him and the rim. Fifth possession this half where Austin Reaves has been left to bail everybody out with the clock at zero. He cannot keep doing this alone.

OHHHH they are getting FRUSTRATED! Tyrese Haliburton has dribbled out almost the entire shot clock without breaking a sweat.

Tyrese Haliburton and Chet Holmgren form a tunnel for Olivier Rioux to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. And here is the answer to our game show Spin the Wheel Slowly! Elouise Tackett of Chigger Bottom, Massachusetts, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many seconds does it take to lose a lead of thirty points?' The answer was of course four hundred and ten seconds, provided everybody cooperates. Elouise therefore wins a coffee table book about drainage ditches of the Midwest! I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.

Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans

120-82 (W)

That is the pass that beats a zone, and Austin Reaves threw it before the help even committed. Right through the window. Tyrese Haliburton to Olivier Rioux on the roll, and the help was a half step late. It went halfway down! The ball sat in the cylinder, thought about it, and rolled off the far side on Olivier Rioux. Cruel.

Clean feed from Tyrese Haliburton, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. Kick out to Austin Reaves, one more to Tyrese Haliburton, splash from the wing and this bench is on its feet. Olivier Rioux whips the extra pass across the arc, Tyrese Haliburton rises without a dribble, and SPLASH.

Chest bump so violent that Tyrese Haliburton and Austin Reaves both end up on the hardwood. They lie there laughing while play is stopped. A trainer jogs out to make sure nobody cracked a rib. The crowd is chanting before either man gets back to his feet.

He tried to rise over Erling Haaland. That was a mistake, and the ball is now several rows deep.

Over the top of everybody. Austin Reaves to Olivier Rioux in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. This is the work that never shows up on a stat sheet, Olivier Rioux gets the credit and the guy setting the screen gets the bruise. Olivier Rioux hands it off to Chet Holmgren, slices through the seam, and the return pass is sitting there waiting at the rim. Stop on a dime, up and over those outstretched arms, and the center can only stand there and watch Olivier Rioux walk away from it.

The too-small gesture, aimed straight at the Orlando Magic-Beans bench, both hands measuring an inch of air. Their coach is out of his chair and onto the officials. Olivier Rioux keeps the pose, unblinking, backpedaling all the way. The arena hits a decibel level that clips the broadcast mics.

Austin Reaves launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. You can teach the jumper, you cannot teach the willingness, and Erling Haaland gives up a decent shot every single time a better one exists. You can hear this arena react a half second before the ball even goes through, and that tells you everything about Austin Reaves.

Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Tyrese Haliburton picks up the pace. Exclusive info: Tyrese Haliburton is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. And now, our halftime TV game show Blockbusters at the Laundromat! To win a mannequin torso wearing a borrowed letterman jacket, text HOOPS to 555-0388 and answer this question: 'What is the boiling point of a chili at a firehouse cook-off?' Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.

Tyrese Haliburton holds it, waits, waits some more, then lets it go at the last possible instant to Erling Haaland flying by. That is a half-second window and he threads it. The association football player just spun through two defenders and reversed that in. Nothing about this is a normal Tuesday!

Backcourt violation on Olivier Rioux, and that groan around the arena tells you how avoidable it was.

Cold blooded from Orlando Magic-Beans, way out beyond the arc, and our defense is scrambling in rotation.

Give and go! Tyrese Haliburton gives it up, cuts, and gets it right back with a clear lane to the cup! Wide open at the top of the key and Tyrese Haliburton cannot make it count, the defense secures the board and takes off in transition.

REJECTED! Chet Holmgren gets ALL of that jumper and the building erupts! That outlet from Chet Holmgren is a weapon, it turns a defensive stop into two points in about three seconds. Put him on skates, then put him on a POSTER. Tyrese Haliburton owns the highlight reel tonight.

Shoving match at the scorer's table, except it is between Austin Reaves and an assistant coach who both want to hug Tyrese Haliburton first. Tyrese Haliburton lets them sort it out. The trainer has given up on protecting anybody. Somebody's clipboard is already on the floor.

The defender wants to reach and does not dare. Tyrese Haliburton keeps the ball on the back hip, chin up, counting down.

Chet Holmgren and Tyrese Haliburton attempt an elaborate handshake. They miss three times. Austin Reaves films the whole thing. And here is the answer to our game Blockbusters at the Laundromat! Reba Mae Odom of Skillet Fork, California, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the boiling point of a chili at a firehouse cook-off?' The answer was of course slightly above the legal limit. Reba Mae takes home a mannequin torso wearing a borrowed letterman jacket! I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.

Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report

112-89 (W)

The association football player puts a shoulder into the ball handler and pays for it. He spends all day being polite to strangers and now he is hacking people for a living. FOUR on Erling Haaland! Grab a towel, that is the bench for a while.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Tyrese Haliburton already has the defense a full step behind. The other bench sent their best perimeter stopper out on Olivier Rioux, and they are learning in real time that it will not be enough tonight. Olivier Rioux beat the clock by a tenth of a second and missed by about four feet. Technically legal, competitively pointless.

Beautiful footwork on that one from Tyrese Haliburton, the pivot foot never budges, which is precisely why the whistle stays in the pocket. That is a dime from Chet Holmgren that deserved so much better, and Tyrese Haliburton knows it, head down, jogging back before the ball even lands.

That is vision. Austin Reaves sees the pocket open for a tenth of a second and puts the ball in it. Count them with me: one step, two steps, and a third one nobody asked for. The official has seen enough of Chet Holmgren.

OHHHH the separation! Austin Reaves just manufactured three feet of daylight out of absolutely nothing. Austin Reaves probes to the right, pulls the string, and rises over a helpless closeout from twenty six feet. Splash.

Break time. Olivier Rioux bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Intel: Olivier Rioux refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. And now, our halftime TV game show Minute to Win It Back! To win a lawn ornament goose with exactly one seasonal outfit, text HOOPS to 555-0319 and answer this question: 'What is the halftime score of a game that nobody is watching?' Break's over, the players take their positions.

Turnover, layup, Philadelphia Injury-Report straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

OHHHH, what a read by Austin Reaves! He never even glanced at the rim and it is CASH on the other end. Not close, not warm, not anywhere for Olivier Rioux, straight into the hands of a defender who never had to leave his feet.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Philadelphia Injury-Report in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

No roll this time. Tyrese Haliburton swings it right back to Olivier Rioux above the break, and it is PURE. That stepback is unguardable once the drive gets sold, and Olivier Rioux has had that defender guessing wrong all night long.

Kisses the biceps, one and then the other, and Olivier Rioux strolls to the free throw line like a man on vacation. Tyrese Haliburton fans him with a rolled-up game program. The bench is in tears. Even the guy running the game clock is grinning into his monitor.

No play on the ball whatsoever. Chet Holmgren took the man down from behind and hoped the crew was feeling generous. They were not.

Here comes Olivier Rioux sprinting off the elbow. Tyrese Haliburton slides it into his pocket and that chase defender is buried. The whistle blows, the crowd erupts, and Olivier Rioux hangs on the iron just long enough to make his point.

SKIP PASS! Austin Reaves fires it cross court to Chet Holmgren and the defense is dead in the water! Filthy. Absolutely filthy from Chet Holmgren, and the defender knows exactly what just happened to him. OHHHHH POSTERIZED! Chet Holmgren just ENDED that defender at the rim!

Blowing smoke off two fingers like a gunslinger, Chet Holmgren holsters them in his waistband. Olivier Rioux plays dead on the baseline. The mascot joins the bit uninvited. A referee has to physically separate a celebration from an inbound play.

Erling Haaland and Austin Reaves run circles around Olivier Rioux who doesn't move. Zen. And here is the answer to our game Minute to Win It Back! Otis Fenstermacher of Tin Roof, Virginia, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the halftime score of a game that nobody is watching?' The answer was of course still tied, philosophically speaking. Otis takes home a lawn ornament goose with exactly one seasonal outfit! While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.

Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense

102-100 (W)

And there it is, a walk-in layup for Phoenix No-Defense with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Two defenders, one gap, and Tyrese Haliburton finds it. Onions on that pass. Get that one framed. Erling Haaland took off from the block and the defender is still lying on the floor.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Phoenix No-Defense, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Nobody cut, nobody screened, and Olivier Rioux was still surveying the floor when the clock hit zero. That is a giveaway, plain and simple.

Ball into Austin Reaves at the elbow, Olivier Rioux plants his foot and goes backdoor, and the pass meets him in the air. Filthy. Off the back iron for Olivier Rioux, that one had all the distance and none of the accuracy, and the board goes the other way.

That's a wrap for now. Tyrese Haliburton dives into the tunnel. Anecdote: Tyrese Haliburton lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. And now, our halftime TV game show The Newlywed Regret Game! To win a genuine imitation leather fanny pack, text HOOPS to 555-0155 and answer this question: 'How many potato chips are in a family size bag before the air gets involved?' Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.

Swing, swing, and Tyrese Haliburton finds Erling Haaland on the wing before the help can even turn its head. Unselfish basketball. Erling Haaland passes up a good shot and hands Austin Reaves a GREAT one. Down, up, and gone for Austin Reaves. The rim is just toying with him now.

Follow the ball there: four sets of hands, Tyrese Haliburton makes the last read, and the defense never gets set. That is training camp offense. Stonewalled at the top of the square! The big man meets Olivier Rioux up there and returns it with interest.

Oldest play in the book and it still works: Tyrese Haliburton passes, the defender peeks at the ball, and that one beat is the whole possession. You are about to see a coach put his entire face in both hands, and Tyrese Haliburton has earned every second of that reaction.

Three-second violation on Chet Holmgren. Cheapest turnover there is, and the bench is not thrilled about it.

GONE down the baseline! Austin Reaves beat him on the first step and the paint is collapsing. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Austin Reaves rose up over the help and hammered it down on somebody's head!

Across half court, a quick survey, a point to the weak side, and Tyrese Haliburton drops it off to Erling Haaland on time and on target. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Erling Haaland put that man in a blender and the third row felt it! Buzzer on the shot clock, Erling Haaland heaves it off one leg, and the ball comes up short of everything.

Six on the clock. Tyrese Haliburton takes one hard dribble right, pulls it back out, and waits. He is playing the clock, not the man. From WAY downtown! Tyrese Haliburton walks into it from 27 feet and the red light is on before the ball comes down. DAGGER!

Chet Holmgren and Erling Haaland chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. And here is the answer to our game The Newlywed Regret Game! Loretta Bagwell of Turkey Foot, Georgia, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many potato chips are in a family size bag before the air gets involved?' The answer was of course eleven, and the remainder is atmosphere. Loretta takes home a genuine imitation leather fanny pack! Did you know that Erling Haaland practices association football player on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.

Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home

98-105 (L)

Los Angeles Nursing-Home again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Austin Reaves just took a shoulder to the chest to buy Olivier Rioux half a second, and half a second in this league is an eternity. From eight feet Olivier Rioux puts way too much on it, and the ball clears the rim entirely.

Foul on the three-point shooter, and it is Erling Haaland. The coach is off the bench with both arms out. Nothing but trouble ahead for Erling Haaland. Third foul, and this crew is calling it tight on both ends of the floor.

That is a self-created look of the highest order, and there might be five guys in this league who get to it on demand the way Tyrese Haliburton does. Rising up out of the corner, Tyrese Haliburton sends it LONG, clanging off the far side and out to the wing.

That is the third body Chet Holmgren has turned away this quarter, and the entire lane is starting to think twice about coming in. Rebound, look, gone. Chet Holmgren to Olivier Rioux and this is a footrace now. That is body control you simply cannot coach: Olivier Rioux stays up a full beat longer than everybody else and finishes clean.

Dunk so loud the backboard is still ringing when Olivier Rioux lands. He stares down the front row like they owe him money. A man in a five-thousand-dollar seat drops his drink. Chet Holmgren drags Olivier Rioux away by the jersey before it becomes an incident.

First half is done. Chet Holmgren is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Quick anecdote about Chet Holmgren: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. And now, our halftime TV game show The Swap Meet Half Hour! To win a car dealership balloon man with no fan, text HOOPS to 555-1318 and answer this question: 'What is the top speed of a mascot running in oversized shoes?' Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.

Bucket for Los Angeles Nursing-Home. Wide open look, and nobody even ran at the shooter.

Dribble handoff from Tyrese Haliburton, and the defender gets wiped out on the exchange! Pull-up from the elbow by Chet Holmgren, halfway down, spinning inside the iron, and it pops right back out.

More second chance points for Los Angeles Nursing-Home, and our bench is up screaming for a timeout. Rightly so.

One hard step and Austin Reaves owns that whole side of the floor, which means the low man has to make a decision he does not want. Rim out for Austin Reaves, the crowd came up and sat right back down, and you can hear the groan from every corner of the arena.

Bodies everywhere in the paint and it does not matter one bit to Tyrese Haliburton, one spin and the ball never leaves the string. Erling Haaland threads a BEAUTY to Tyrese Haliburton under the rim and... he lays it off the bottom of the iron! Ohhhh, no.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Los Angeles Nursing-Home with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Off the shin, out of bounds, and Austin Reaves cannot bring himself to look at his own bench.

WALLED OFF! Chet Holmgren slides over and the paint is CLOSED for business.

HERE IT COMES! Every soul in this gym knows the ball is going to Olivier Rioux, and it may not matter one bit. Out of the timeout, Chet Holmgren hits Olivier Rioux right on schedule and it drops! Drawn up, run, done.

Olivier Rioux presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Austin Reaves walks right past without noticing. And here is the answer to our game show The Swap Meet Half Hour! Lurleen Ratliff of Sopchoppy Flats, Florida, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What is the top speed of a mascot running in oversized shoes?' The answer was of course nine miles an hour downhill, four uphill, and zero once the head falls off. Lurleen therefore wins a car dealership balloon man with no fan! Tonight I had a revelation: Austin Reaves runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.

Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol

112-87 (W)

Small thing, a jump ball, but Erling Haaland winning that tip means we set the tone. Coaches script that first play for a reason.

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and Austin Reaves makes it every single trip down the floor. The association football player just froze a grown professional with a hesitation dribble. This man punches a clock and he is out here doing THAT. That is another catch and shoot triple for Erling Haaland, and you can see the closeouts getting more desperate every single trip.

Turnover, layup, Toronto Border-Patrol straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Watch the spacing there, Austin Reaves hits Erling Haaland right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. Hang time like that on the association football player? You do not pick that up on the day job, folks. Absolutely ridiculous.

The too-small gesture, aimed straight at the Toronto Border-Patrol bench, both hands measuring an inch of air. Their coach is out of his chair and onto the officials. Erling Haaland keeps the pose, unblinking, backpedaling all the way. The arena hits a decibel level that clips the broadcast mics.

The extra pass! Austin Reaves had the look, gave it up anyway, and Chet Holmgren buries it. BANG! Shot clock at one, and Chet Holmgren just has to throw something at the rim. Nothing doing.

Well-deserved break. Olivier Rioux looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Fun fact: Olivier Rioux got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. And now, our halftime TV game show Who Wants to Be a Thousandaire! To win a commemorative spoon rest shaped like Ohio, text HOOPS to 555-0119 and answer this question: 'How many free throws would it take to fill a public swimming pool?' Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Toronto Border-Patrol with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Tyrese Haliburton controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Olivier Rioux whips that pass one-handed on the move and the roll man gathers it through contact. Filthy. Nobody dribbled, nobody isolated, Chet Holmgren and Tyrese Haliburton just played basketball and the defense got shredded. Chet Holmgren gets into the paint, sees the shot blocker rising, and simply lifts it over the top of him. Never had a prayer.

No hero ball here: Olivier Rioux takes what the defense gives and moves it along. STOP AND GO! Austin Reaves hit the brakes, hit the gas, and the lane opened up like a garage door. OFF THE IRON and halfway to the bench! Austin Reaves missed that one with real conviction.

Laser from Tyrese Haliburton, corner to corner, and that closeout gets there about a second and a half too late. Erling Haaland eats the contact so Austin Reaves can run free along the baseline, and the catch-and-shoot look is right there. Two guys on the exact same page, Austin Reaves and Chet Holmgren, and the defense is left holding a bag of nothing. Austin Reaves loses his angle on the baseline and still finds a way to flip it home with the off hand. Bucket!

Pointing up at the family section, Austin Reaves taps his chest twice and holds up a fist. A kid in a replica jersey is crying, and so is his mother. A camera crew finds them in nine seconds flat. Sixty seconds of pure decency on national television.

Erling Haaland sets the pick and DIVES to the cup. Tyrese Haliburton lays it right on his hands in traffic! Illegal screen on Erling Haaland. All that effort, and the reward is a whistle and a long walk back on defense.

Punish the help, that is the rule, and Olivier Rioux just did it by hitting Austin Reaves on the back side with acres of room. Left, right, gone. Austin Reaves put that defender on skates and never even looked back. So close. Austin Reaves can only stare at the iron.

Chet Holmgren gets it on the reversal and now this defense is rotating, scrambling and losing ground, all because Olivier Rioux saw it a beat early. Screen, roll, DELIVERY from Chet Holmgren! Nothing but runway to the rim! Textbook footwork, textbook release from Erling Haaland, cruel result as it spins out and both teams go up for a contested board.

Tyrese Haliburton and Austin Reaves act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. And here is the answer to our game Who Wants to Be a Thousandaire! Earlene Stubbs of Possum Notch, Tennessee, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many free throws would it take to fill a public swimming pool?' The answer was of course it depends entirely on whether the pool is paying attention. Earlene takes home a commemorative spoon rest shaped like Ohio! I learned backstage that Austin Reaves also does association football player on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.

Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall

115-91 (W)

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Minnesota Ice-Wall with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Olivier Rioux has known that all night long. Tyrese Haliburton drives, draws two bodies, and swings it one more time to the corner. That is the pass nobody is required to make. That is what heavy minutes do, Olivier Rioux has run all night and the legs have nothing left to give the jumper.

Pass, cut, catch, wide open. Four things in about a second and a half from Olivier Rioux. Olivier Rioux rises, the big man rises higher, and the shot is stuffed into the second row. Return to sender.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Minnesota Ice-Wall, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Tyrese Haliburton already has the defense a full step behind. OHHHH the pocket pass! Chet Holmgren splits the coverage and the roll man is loose under the basket! Ball into Tyrese Haliburton at the elbow, Austin Reaves plants his foot and goes backdoor, and the pass meets him in the air. Filthy. Watch the footwork from Austin Reaves: one-two into the paint, no charge, feathery touch off the glass. Filthy craft.

Halftime! Erling Haaland has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Confession: Erling Haaland tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. And now, our halftime TV game show Name That Smell! To win a barbecue apron that reads KISS THE FORKLIFT OPERATOR, text HOOPS to 555-0357 and answer this question: 'Which is heavier, a pound of orange slices or a pound of team spirit?' The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.

Tyrese Haliburton launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. A probe, a plant of the outside foot, and Chet Holmgren pushes off while his man is still fighting to recover his balance. That is the shot Chet Holmgren wants every trip down the floor, it drops nine nights out of ten, and tonight is the tenth.

Two defenders collide on the handoff and Erling Haaland is gone, so Tyrese Haliburton earned that one even if the box score disagrees. Erling Haaland attacks the baseline, the big man steps up to meet him, and it does not matter one bit. FILTHY.

Shoving match at the scorer's table, except it is between Austin Reaves and an assistant coach who both want to hug Erling Haaland first. Erling Haaland lets them sort it out. The trainer has given up on protecting anybody. Somebody's clipboard is already on the floor.

You can teach the jumper, you cannot teach the willingness, and Tyrese Haliburton gives up a decent shot every single time a better one exists. Two on the shot clock and the ball ends up with the association football player, which is how you get a twenty-eight footer off the wrong foot.

Punish the help, that is the rule, and Olivier Rioux just did it by hitting Austin Reaves on the back side with acres of room. Two guys on the exact same page, Austin Reaves and Chet Holmgren, and the defense is left holding a bag of nothing. OHHHHH FROM THE LOGO! Austin Reaves pulls up from another area code and it is PURE!

Salute: sharp, military, held. Austin Reaves delivers it toward the loudest corner of the building and does not drop his hand until the noise starts to hurt. Erling Haaland snaps to attention beside him and the bench follows. Twelve saluting maniacs and a coach with his head in his hands.

Clean feed from Austin Reaves, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. Screen, hesitation, delivery, Erling Haaland drops it off perfectly for Olivier Rioux diving to the rim. Stuck holding it as the clock bleeds out, Olivier Rioux fades away from twenty-six feet, and it is not close.

Oldest play in the book, and Tyrese Haliburton runs it in his sleep. That drop coverage never had a prayer. In, around, and gone. The iron gives Austin Reaves nothing.

Over the top of everybody. Tyrese Haliburton to Olivier Rioux in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. Working him at the top of the key, low dribble, low dribble, then Olivier Rioux rips it across and his man lunges at a ghost. The bench has cleared, the crowd is screaming, and somewhere a photographer just got the shot of the season thanks to Olivier Rioux.

Bent double with his hands on his knees, Olivier Rioux takes one breath, straightens up and points at the coach who drew the play in the huddle. The coach nods once, no smile. Austin Reaves pounds the man's shoulder anyway. Respect, delivered at maximum volume.

Chet Holmgren and Tyrese Haliburton freestyle a victory rap. Austin Reaves does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. And here is the answer to our game Name That Smell! Odell Trippett of Broke Axle, Alaska, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'Which is heavier, a pound of orange slices or a pound of team spirit?' The answer was of course the orange slices, and it is not close. Odell takes home a barbecue apron that reads KISS THE FORKLIFT OPERATOR! Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'

Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off

100-94 (W)

Watch the sell from Tyrese Haliburton here, he leans in, he gets the defender leaning with him, and then he backs away into all that space. Twenty-four seconds of standing around, and Tyrese Haliburton has to eat the last two of them. Possession wasted long before the shot went up.

Look at the shoulders on the association football player. Everybody has a rough shift at work, but most people do not have twenty thousand witnesses. Whistle, red light, nothing to show for it. Erling Haaland hands it over.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Houston Blast-Off in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

POCKET PASS! Tyrese Haliburton threads it to Austin Reaves between two bodies and the rim is wide open! Austin Reaves catches on the wing, jab step, spin move, and that pivot foot comes clean off the hardwood. Traveling.

Nobody dribbled, nobody isolated, Tyrese Haliburton and Chet Holmgren just played basketball and the defense got shredded. The gather was clean, the decision after it was not. Tyrese Haliburton had a live pivot foot and threw it away for a bounce he did not need.

The locker room. Erling Haaland sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know Erling Haaland plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. And now, our halftime TV game show The Price is Wrong, Bob! To win a velvet painting of a raccoon in a tuxedo, text HOOPS to 555-0187 and answer this question: 'What is the middle name of the man who invented the folding chair?' We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Tyrese Haliburton already has the defense a full step behind. A association football player breaking down a professional defender in front of a sold out house! Remember that day job, folks! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Erling Haaland scooped that in from underneath the rim!

Off comes the headband, launched into the crowd like a rock star, and the fight for it delays the inbound. Erling Haaland watches two adults wrestle in row four. Half the arena is filming that instead of the game. Everybody in here has lost the plot.

Watch the spacing there, Austin Reaves hits Chet Holmgren right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. Down screen, and Chet Holmgren curls hard into the middle of the floor with a full step of daylight. Easy read. Two guys on the exact same page, Chet Holmgren and Erling Haaland, and the defense is left holding a bag of nothing. That is the kind of finish that changes a defense's body language, and Chet Holmgren has already done it twice this quarter.

The whole second unit is on the floor before the ball is out of the net. Chet Holmgren disappears underneath them. Somewhere in the pile shoe comes off. Erling Haaland is on the outside of it screaming straight up at the ceiling.

Oldest play in the book and it still works: Austin Reaves passes, the defender peeks at the ball, and that one beat is the whole possession. Austin Reaves lets it FLY from way downtown and... front rim. Not this time.

OHHHH that is filthy! Tyrese Haliburton on the handoff and the man guarding it is still fighting over the top. ONIONS from Chet Holmgren! He saw the hit coming and went up into it anyway. Two shots, two makes. Chet Holmgren does not flinch.

Chet Holmgren throws both arms up and holds them there, letting the arena pull the sound out of him. Twenty thousand people on their feet at once. Austin Reaves grabs his shoulders from behind and shakes him like a snow globe. The floor is genuinely vibrating.

Push the pace! Tyrese Haliburton grabs it and hits Olivier Rioux in stride before the defense can even match up. Screened, toasted, done. Olivier Rioux is loose and the defense is scrambling to find him. Getting to his spot and elevating, Olivier Rioux puts it on the back iron, up over the front, and out. Half a rotation from two points.

Turnover, layup, Houston Blast-Off straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

No hero ball here: Olivier Rioux takes what the defense gives and moves it along. Watch the change of pace from Chet Holmgren, half speed into full speed in one step, and that is a blow-by every time. Jab, jab, STEPBACK. Chet Holmgren snatched his ankles and let it go clean.

Chet Holmgren plants himself in front of the Houston Blast-Off bench, hands on hips, and simply stands there until somebody says something. Somebody says something. Officials arrive at a jog. A teammate hauls him backward by the waist while the arena begs for more.

Chet Holmgren climbs onto the scorer's table. Tyrese Haliburton joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. And here is the answer to our game The Price is Wrong, Bob! Wendell Frobisher of Gravy Fork, West Virginia, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the middle name of the man who invented the folding chair?' The answer was of course Delbert, and the man himself never once sat down. Wendell takes home a velvet painting of a raccoon in a tuxedo! During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'

Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track

103-96 (W)

Whistles. Monitor. And Tyrese Haliburton standing frozen at midcourt. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Tyrese Haliburton was WAY behind the arc and the scoreboard finally agrees!

Tyrese Haliburton plants himself in front of the Denver Horse-Track bench, hands on hips, and simply stands there until somebody says something. Somebody says something. Officials arrive at a jog. A teammate hauls him backward by the waist while the arena begs for more.

The ball travels faster than five defenders can, and Tyrese Haliburton has known that all night long. A single dribble is all Austin Reaves needed to get downhill, and the back side of that defense is in complete disarray. OHHHH the FADEAWAY! Austin Reaves rises over the defender and it falls through.

Austin Reaves blows the wide open layup! Tyrese Haliburton SKIES for it! Extra life for this offense. The whole possession dies right there without Tyrese Haliburton on the offensive glass, and instead it becomes the two easiest points of the quarter.

Dunk so loud the backboard is still ringing when Tyrese Haliburton lands. He stares down the front row like they owe him money. A man in a five-thousand-dollar seat drops his drink. Erling Haaland drags Tyrese Haliburton away by the jersey before it becomes an incident.

Eight seconds off the shot clock and Tyrese Haliburton has not wasted one of them, the ball reaching Chet Holmgren precisely where the play wanted it. Textbook two-man game: Chet Holmgren keeps the dribble alive, forces the big man to commit, and Austin Reaves rolls into an open runway. That is the shot chart lying to you. Austin Reaves did everything right on this possession and has zero points to show for it.

Ball moves. Tyrese Haliburton to Olivier Rioux, on time and on target. OHHHH the hesi! Olivier Rioux froze him solid and he is already gone! Heat check for Olivier Rioux and it is GOOD. He is COOKING, and this building knows exactly what it is watching.

Olivier Rioux cups a hand to his ear and turns a slow full circle, milking every section. The upper deck answers louder than the lower bowl, so he points up there and nods. Tyrese Haliburton joins the spin. Forty seconds of noise before anybody inbounds the ball.

Both teams head to the locker room. Olivier Rioux wipes his forehead with his jersey. Did you know Olivier Rioux knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Denver Horse-Track's colors. By accident, obviously. And now, our halftime TV game show Win Lose or Draw a Foul! To win a decorative plate commemorating the wedding of two strangers, text HOOPS to 555-0759 and answer this question: 'What is the exact temperature of a gym with one working fan?' We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Denver Horse-Track in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Baseline wide open. Austin Reaves said thank you. Two points left on the floor by Austin Reaves, and those are exactly the ones that come back to bite you in the fourth.

Austin Reaves comes flying off that screen and he is WIDE open! Soft off the fingertips, the ball takes a full lap of the rim on Austin Reaves, and spits straight back out. That is theft.

Watch the spacing there, Tyrese Haliburton hits Chet Holmgren right in the shooting pocket and the possession stays alive. The beauty of it is that Chet Holmgren never has to set a screen at all, the exchange IS the screen. Nightmare to guard. Third look from distance for Olivier Rioux tonight and the arc keeps flattening out, tired legs writing checks the jumper cannot cash.

Dagger from Denver Horse-Track. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Unsportsmanlike foul on Tyrese Haliburton, and this one costs double. The most expensive whistle in this sport, and the defender earned every inch of it with what he did to Tyrese Haliburton. Two at the line and the ball right back.

Killing off a basketball game is a skill, and Tyrese Haliburton has it. Protect the rock, protect the lead, make them foul.

Tyrese Haliburton takes a bow for the crowd. Austin Reaves bows to Tyrese Haliburton. The nobility of basketball. And here is the answer to our game show Win Lose or Draw a Foul! Elmer Sizemore of Wet Sock, Louisiana, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What is the exact temperature of a gym with one working fan?' The answer was of course ninety four degrees near the fan and ninety six everywhere else. Elmer therefore wins a decorative plate commemorating the wedding of two strangers! Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.

Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers

98-102 (L)

The referee tosses it high and Chet Holmgren rises late, which is exactly how you win one of these. Timing over height, every single time.

Turnover, layup, New York Over-Timers straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

OHHHH the pin-down! Tyrese Haliburton pops out clean while the defender is STILL tangled up with Olivier Rioux. Brutal. AROUND the cylinder and OUT! Tyrese Haliburton cannot believe it, and neither can this building.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. New York Over-Timers with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Total control. Tyrese Haliburton has this thing on a string. Here comes the slip from Austin Reaves, and Olivier Rioux reads it a half second before anybody else in the building. You can teach the jumper, you cannot teach the willingness, and Austin Reaves gives up a decent shot every single time a better one exists. Two defenders in the lane, Tyrese Haliburton splits them, double clutches and kisses it off the square. Count it!

Heading in. Austin Reaves's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Anecdote: Austin Reaves lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. And now, our halftime TV game show Sale of the Half Century! To win a bread machine with a manual in three languages, none of them English, text HOOPS to 555-0673 and answer this question: 'What is the wingspan of a man who claims he could have gone pro?' Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.

And there it is, a walk-in layup for New York Over-Timers with not one hand raised in the paint. Somebody has to protect that rim.

Nobody is getting a hand near that. Tyrese Haliburton has all the room in the world. Oh my. Tyrese Haliburton did not even draw iron.

Hesitate, GO. Tyrese Haliburton is by that hip before the man even blinks. BAAAANG! Tyrese Haliburton from the logo, and the entire bench is on its feet losing its mind!

That is the pass nobody puts on a highlight reel, and Tyrese Haliburton makes it every single trip down the floor. Not an inch to spare on the endline, but Austin Reaves keeps both feet in bounds and the help gets there a beat too late. Soft touch from Austin Reaves, the floater drops right over the big man. Cash.

Closeout from Olivier Rioux like a man chasing a bus. Late, out of control, and right into the shooter's landing space. Fourth personal on Olivier Rioux. The arena groans, the bench goes silent, and the other team just spotted daylight.

Chet Holmgren turns and points at his teammates, and the entire bench comes up as one. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Austin Reaves was at the other free throw line when that break started!

GET THAT OUTTA HERE! Chet Holmgren meets that jumper at the top of its flight and spikes it into the sideline.

This is the entire night compressed into eight seconds, and the ball never leaves the hands of Austin Reaves. Exactly the way he wanted it. HEARTBREAK. That is the entire margin between a legend and a footnote, and Austin Reaves is on the wrong side of it tonight.

Austin Reaves bites the inside of his cheek. Tyrese Haliburton pinches the bridge of his nose. And here is the answer to our game show Sale of the Half Century! Orville Duckworth of Slush Pile, Michigan, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'What is the wingspan of a man who claims he could have gone pro?' The answer was of course roughly the length of the story he is telling. Orville therefore wins a bread machine with a manual in three languages, none of them English! Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'

Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers

92-111 (L)

Over the top of everybody. Tyrese Haliburton to Austin Reaves in the corner, wide open, catch and rise. Look how low Austin Reaves keeps that shoulder on the drive, that is how you turn a sliver of space into a walk to the rim. Prayer from Austin Reaves. Not answered.

Turnover, layup, Cleveland Twin-Towers straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

He is COOKING on defense right now. Austin Reaves just made them burn a timeout to get across half court. Erling Haaland tips the pass, hits the floor after it, and comes up out of the pile with possession. Austin Reaves rips the rebound and fires it up the sideline, Chet Holmgren catches in stride and kisses it off the glass.

GET THAT OUTTA HERE! Chet Holmgren says NOT in my house!

Cleveland Twin-Towers again, and again nobody is home. Three straight trips down the floor with zero resistance.

Back in the locker room, Olivier Rioux sits down and stares at the ceiling. The staff told me Olivier Rioux sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. And now, our halftime TV game show Spin the Wheel Slowly! To win a coffee table book about drainage ditches of the Midwest, text HOOPS to 555-1159 and answer this question: 'How many seconds does it take to lose a lead of thirty points?' Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.

Cheap. Nothing about that shot was going down, and Austin Reaves handed over three freebies anyway. There is no choice to make here. Four fouls with this much clock left means Austin Reaves sits and the lead has to survive without him.

Watch Chet Holmgren plant his feet, absorb the hit, and spring Austin Reaves out of that corner in a blink. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Two points in every gym in America except this one, and Austin Reaves is walking back with both hands on his head.

SKIP PASS! Austin Reaves fires it cross court to Olivier Rioux and the defense is dead in the water! Nobody dribbled, nobody isolated, Olivier Rioux and Tyrese Haliburton just played basketball and the defense got shredded. Not a hand on him. Olivier Rioux flat missed the bunny.

Dagger from Cleveland Twin-Towers. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Screen, pop, SPLASH! Tyrese Haliburton kicks it out and that thing never touched iron. Down, up, and gone for Chet Holmgren. The rim is just toying with him now.

Set called, Austin Reaves waved out to the corner, and Tyrese Haliburton watches the spacing open up like a front door. Dribble alive, patient, patient, and then Austin Reaves slips it to Chet Holmgren right in the pocket. Surgical. That is a throwback bucket: Chet Holmgren with his back to the basket, and the defense has absolutely no answer for it.

CHARGE! Olivier Rioux runs a set defender straight over and the arm goes the other way.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Cleveland Twin-Towers, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Austin Reaves launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. Enough room out there to set up a lawn chair, and the association football player made it himself. Total professional, in a completely unrelated profession. Long and gone. Erling Haaland floats the teardrop over everything and bangs it off the back iron.

Tyrese Haliburton isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Austin Reaves tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. And here is the answer to our game show Spin the Wheel Slowly! Elouise Tackett of Chigger Bottom, Massachusetts, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'How many seconds does it take to lose a lead of thirty points?' The answer was of course four hundred and ten seconds, provided everybody cooperates. Elouise therefore wins a coffee table book about drainage ditches of the Midwest! Tonight I learned Tyrese Haliburton used to be an association football player before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.

Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers

115-109 (W)

Chet Holmgren controls the tip, and the offense gets to run its first set on schedule. Little edges like that stack up over forty-eight minutes.

OHHHH what a hustle play from Tyrese Haliburton! He had no business getting a finger on that basketball. Off the glass and out of the gym, Austin Reaves launches it and the break is ON! A timeout is coming, because no defense recovers from watching Tyrese Haliburton do that to one of their own.

Flexing under the basket, mouth wide open, Tyrese Haliburton roars at nobody in particular. The sound carries over the crowd noise, which should be physically impossible. The referee waits with folded arms, like a substitute teacher who has seen considerably worse.

Tyrese Haliburton crosses, crosses back, the defender slides half a step the wrong way and the whole arena lets out the same OHHHH. That little shot is what keeps guards employed in this league, and Tyrese Haliburton has it on a string tonight.

Tyrese Haliburton sprints to the sideline, hops onto the scorer's table and raises both fists. The stat crew grabs their laptops and security is already moving. A trainer hauls him down by the shorts before anybody gets fined. Worth it, obviously.

Nobody dribbled, nobody isolated, Austin Reaves and Chet Holmgren just played basketball and the defense got shredded. Fifth possession this half where Austin Reaves has been left to bail everybody out with the clock at zero. He cannot keep doing this alone.

Austin Reaves kicks it over to Olivier Rioux, no dribble, no drama, and this offense settles into a rhythm. Olivier Rioux feels the contact, spins off that shoulder, and the defender is left hugging a whole lot of nothing. Count it AND the foul! Olivier Rioux refused to be denied at the rim.

Olivier Rioux pulls the jersey away from his chest and points at the crest, twice, hard, then taps his heart. No smile, no theater. The arena horn keeps going long after it should stop. Somebody up in the rafters is holding a sign about this exact city.

Halftime. Erling Haaland is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Juicy intel: Erling Haaland turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. And now, our halftime TV game show Backyard Survivor: Aisle Nine! To win a riding mower that will only turn left, text HOOPS to 555-0384 and answer this question: 'How many raccoons live at an average county fairgrounds?' Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.

Turnover, layup, Boston Ring-Chasers straight through us in transition. Careless basketball.

Hesitate, GO. Tyrese Haliburton is by that hip before the man even blinks. That is a shot selection problem, plain and simple. Tyrese Haliburton drove into three bodies and the help defender was waiting the whole way.

Tyrese Haliburton launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. Handoff, turn the corner, BUCKET! Austin Reaves did all the dirty work on that one. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That was IN for Olivier Rioux!

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Boston Ring-Chasers with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Laser from Olivier Rioux, corner to corner, and that closeout gets there about a second and a half too late. Kick out to Austin Reaves, one more to Erling Haaland, splash from the wing and this bench is on its feet. The association football player misses absolutely everything, and honestly, the nerve to even attempt that shot deserves something. Not points. But something.

SKIP PASS! Tyrese Haliburton fires it cross court to Austin Reaves and the defense is dead in the water! BAAAANG! Austin Reaves sets the table and the pick-and-pop three goes down like somebody scripted it. Unselfish basketball. Chet Holmgren passes up a good shot and hands Olivier Rioux a GREAT one. Reverse layup by Olivier Rioux, using the rim as a shield the whole way through. A circus act wrapped around textbook footwork.

Blowing smoke off two fingers like a gunslinger, Olivier Rioux holsters them in his waistband. Erling Haaland plays dead on the baseline. The mascot joins the bit uninvited. A referee has to physically separate a celebration from an inbound play.

That crossover was not about getting a shot up. Tyrese Haliburton pulled it out to tell everybody in the gym whose possession this is. Ambition, ten out of ten. Footwork, two out of ten. Tyrese Haliburton beat himself before the defender ever showed up.

Olivier Rioux grabs Austin Reaves and hoists him onto his shoulders. Erling Haaland tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. And here is the answer to our game Backyard Survivor: Aisle Nine! Roberta Klump of Pumpkin Center, Utah, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'How many raccoons live at an average county fairgrounds?' The answer was of course six during the day and considerably more after dark. Roberta takes home a riding mower that will only turn left! Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.

Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers

106-99 (W)

Kick out to Tyrese Haliburton, one more to Chet Holmgren, splash from the wing and this bench is on its feet. Prayer from Chet Holmgren. Not answered.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, San Antonio Skyscrapers, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Olivier Rioux is barking at the official, arms out, eyes wide, and there it is. The T comes flying in. Composure is a skill, and Olivier Rioux just flunked the test at the worst imaginable moment for his team.

Reverse it, make them slide all over again, that is how Olivier Rioux breaks a shell down. Hard drive, hard stop, and Tyrese Haliburton retreats into an ocean of open hardwood. Rises, releases, and Tyrese Haliburton sends the ball through the exact patch of sky where the rim is not.

Punish the help, that is the rule, and Austin Reaves just did it by hitting Chet Holmgren on the back side with acres of room. Everybody in the arena knew the stepback was coming from Chet Holmgren, and not one single soul could do anything about it. HAMMER! Chet Holmgren goes right through the trees and throws it DOWN with the foul!

Halftime! Erling Haaland has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Juicy anecdote: Erling Haaland was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. And now, our halftime TV game show Press Your Luck Harder! To win a bumper sticker collection covering one entire tailgate, text HOOPS to 555-0362 and answer this question: 'In what year was the jump ball invented by accident during a barn raising?' Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.

Clean feed from Austin Reaves, nothing forced, just the offense breathing. Handoff, turn the corner, BUCKET! Chet Holmgren did all the dirty work on that one. Runner in the lane by Erling Haaland, high off the fingertips, straight down through the net. Splash!

Erling Haaland sets an invisible crown on his own head, adjusts it twice, and carries the thing off like it weighs forty pounds. The San Antonio Skyscrapers bench does not find it funny. Tyrese Haliburton pounds the crown down with one fist and steers him away before the technical arrives.

Tyrese Haliburton kicks it over to Erling Haaland, no dribble, no drama, and this offense settles into a rhythm. Watch Chet Holmgren plant his feet, absorb the hit, and spring Erling Haaland out of that corner in a blink. The big rolls, the defense collapses, and Erling Haaland punishes it with a read most guys never even see. Perfect arc. Austin Reaves makes seven feet of rim protection completely irrelevant.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Tyrese Haliburton already has the defense a full step behind. Chet Holmgren eats the contact so Austin Reaves can run free along the baseline, and the catch-and-shoot look is right there. Perfect drop-off from Erling Haaland, and Austin Reaves answers with... whatever that was. Off the glass, off the rim, and gone.

Ohhh no. Corner three, San Antonio Skyscrapers in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

One little shoulder dip from Austin Reaves and the guy guarding him turned into a traffic cone in real time. The block is clean, the ball is gone, and Austin Reaves is left staring at his empty hands like a man who lost his keys.

You can teach the jumper, you cannot teach the willingness, and Olivier Rioux gives up a decent shot every single time a better one exists. Watch the feet on Chet Holmgren there, still drifting sideways at the release, and that is exactly why the floater sails wide left of everything. Second-chance points are how you steal games on the road, and Tyrese Haliburton has now cleaned up four misses tonight. BAAAANG! Tyrese Haliburton rips the offensive board and puts it right back through!

The crew chief has the headset on, three angles on the screen, everybody in here staring at Chet Holmgren. OHHHH the cruelty! Two tenths, and Chet Holmgren gets absolutely nothing.

Austin Reaves does a cartwheel at center court. Olivier Rioux tries one too and eats it. And here is the answer to our game show Press Your Luck Harder! Bobbi Sue Yarborough of Sawmill Bottom, Georgia, got it right. The question, I remind you, was 'In what year was the jump ball invented by accident during a barn raising?' The answer was of course 1871, in a hayloft, by two men arguing about a rooster. Bobbi Sue therefore wins a bumper sticker collection covering one entire tailgate! During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.

Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest

88-115 (L)

Tip goes to the association football player, who spends most of the week nowhere near a gym. Explain that one to me.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Tyrese Haliburton spun out of a double team like it was a revolving door! Gift wrapped by Erling Haaland, and Tyrese Haliburton cannot finish the two footer. That one is going to sting.

Olivier Rioux launches it weak side, one pass, and the whole shell has to sprint. Good luck with that. The defender crowded the middle, and Erling Haaland punished him along the baseline like it was drawn up in the huddle. Erling Haaland had that one all the way, perfect release, perfect arc, and the rim simply refuses to let it drop.

Dagger from Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest. You could hear the air leave this arena on that one.

Here is the part that never makes the highlight package: Tyrese Haliburton controlling tempo, burning clock, hunting the mismatch the second one shows up. OHHHH he went BACKDOOR! Chet Holmgren never broke stride and he has the ball UNDER THE RIM! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Chet Holmgren scooped that in from underneath the rim!

Back in the locker room, Austin Reaves sits down and stares at the ceiling. Fun fact: Austin Reaves was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. And now, our halftime TV game show Blockbusters at the Laundromat! To win a mannequin torso wearing a borrowed letterman jacket, text HOOPS to 555-0388 and answer this question: 'What is the boiling point of a chili at a firehouse cook-off?' Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.

Austin Reaves rips it back into the stepback and suddenly there is a country mile between him and that defender. Contested, off balance, fading away from the wrong shoulder, that is a shot Austin Reaves should never take with three teammates standing wide open.

Ohhh no. Corner three, Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest in rhythm now, and our side of the building goes silent.

Ball up the floor, change of speed right at the logo, and Tyrese Haliburton already has the defense a full step behind. Olivier Rioux turns the corner off the screen from Tyrese Haliburton, the help never rotates, and the lane is WIDE open! It went halfway down! The ball sat in the cylinder, thought about it, and rolled off the far side on Tyrese Haliburton. Cruel.

Count it and the foul. Brutal. Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest with a three point play and a gut punch in the same possession.

Tyrese Haliburton lowers the shoulder, the defender was planted, and that is an offensive foul. Hand the ball back.

Eight seconds off the shot clock and Tyrese Haliburton has not wasted one of them, the ball reaching Chet Holmgren precisely where the play wanted it. Down screen, and Chet Holmgren curls hard into the middle of the floor with a full step of daylight. Easy read. Soft off the fingertips, the ball takes a full lap of the rim on Chet Holmgren, and spits straight back out. That is theft.

Nobody boxed out. Tip in, Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest, and two of ours were standing right there watching it happen.

Help defense from the association football player! Somebody in this league is getting paid millions to be a full step slower than that.

Two decoy screens, a flare to the weak side, then Olivier Rioux coming off the second one. That is the whole thing. Cut, screen, relocate, and there is Austin Reaves wide open in the corner. Nobody on that defense read one page of it.

Tyrese Haliburton slams his fist on the bench. Austin Reaves places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. And here is the answer to our game Blockbusters at the Laundromat! Reba Mae Odom of Skillet Fork, California, got it right. The question, let me remind you, was 'What is the boiling point of a chili at a firehouse cook-off?' The answer was of course slightly above the legal limit. Reba Mae takes home a mannequin torso wearing a borrowed letterman jacket! Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'